A/N: Below are the links to the clothes Bella and Alice are wearing in the chapter. Copy & Paste the link into a new tab, don't forget to remove the spaces.
Bella day clothes: http : / i55 . tinypic . com / 2lj23bb . jpg
Bella Pajamas: http : / i51 . tinypic . com / 2lk87zs . jpg
Alice Pajamas: http : / i52 . tinypic . com / nc05jd . jpg
Chapter Nineteen – (Scared inside)
BPOV
It's been nearly two weeks since the incident with Tyler and Mike happened, along with Lauren tripping me down the bleachers in gym.
Rosalie came over the weekend that happened and hung out with me. She isn't like Alice; she leaves my personal life alone and doesn't bring up awkward conversations. I'm not saying I don't love Alice, I mean – it is good that she pushes me to talk about things sometimes, but Rose is just completely different. She'd rather talk about her life, which I don't mind at all. Some people might find that stuck up and conceited, but I think she just likes to have someone to talk to that's not in her family. She talks about her past sometimes, and I just listen to her and let her talk. She's cried a few times in front of me too, but then she said if I told anyone that she would deny it. And, I don't blame her - she is new in town and doesn't have many friends, after all. Although, she has become pretty good friends with Angela Webber. Lauren was being her typical bitch self and being horrible and rude to Angela, causing Rose to have a go at her. Let's just say that Lauren didn't annoy Angela again, so Rose and Angela became close friends after that.
Everything has been great between Me and Edward, too.
When the incident with Lauren happened, he was so sweet and caring towards me, I haven't had anyone treat me like that in a long time. He insisted on carrying me to the Nurses office, but I didn't want him too. Edward, being the stubborn boy he is, wouldn't put me down until I bargained with him and promised to put all of my weight on him while I walked the rest of the way. And when I got home he sent me a text message, making sure that I got home okay.
He's so considerate.
Every time he looks at me, I get lost in those beautiful green eyes of his. He makes my heart race like a hummingbirds wings every time he touches me. We've become a lot more intimate with each other as well, when we're making out, his hands roam all over my body. I have to admit, at first I was shocked the first time he ran his hands under my shirt, making their way up my torso and under my bra.
My whole body freezes as his hands make their way under my bra. His hands freeze too. I bite my bottom lip as he looks me in the eyes.
"Sorry, baby. Is this too much?" he asks nervously.
The emotion in his eyes makes me visibly relax; I breathe a sigh of relief and shake my head.
"No. I was just shocked, you're my first boyfriend Edward, I'll always be shocked during all the things we do," I whisper.
I lean down and press my lips to his. I feel his mouth turn up into a smile as he continues to kiss me back. I run my hands up his back he lifts his arms, silently telling me to take his shirt off. I oblige. I run my hands down his bare chest, a blush creeping into my cheeks I sit up and wrap my arms around his neck as I straddle him. I begin to pull at the hem of my shirt, trying to take it off – Edward realizes what I'm trying to do and helps me take it off. I bite my bottom lip as his eyes travel over my body. He reaches up and softly places his fingers on my mouth, releasing my bottom lip.
"You're so beautiful," he murmurs quietly. My blush becomes deeper before he takes my face in his hands and connects our mouths back together.
My hands find their way back into his hair. He moans against my lips as I pull on his hair. His hands travel up and down my back before making their way up my sides and across my ribs and under my bra again. He cups my breasts and as he squeezes them lightly, a feeling of pleasure shoots down to my center which makes me gasp in surprise. I pull away from him as I arch my chest closer to him. He places his lips against my neck and begins to kiss and suck along my collar bone, occasionally licking my skin. I tilt my head back to give him easier access. I look back into his eyes as he continues to massage my breasts.
"Take it off," I whisper.
"Are you sure?" he asks, his voice thick with arousal.
"Yes. Just get it off," I reply pleadingly.
He removes his hands from my breasts and wraps his arms around me. In one swift movement he undoes my bra and I shrug out of it enthusiastically. I smash my lips against his before he lifts me and lays me down on his bed. He hovers over me as he plants kisses along my neck, making his way down to my stomach. When he makes his way back up my stomach, he looks into my eyes with a silent question. A soft smile forms on my lips and that's all he needs to take one of my breasts into his mouth as he massages the other with his left hand. My hands make their way into his hair again. A moan of pleasure escapes my lips as my back automatically arches into his touch. He pinches my nipple, making Goosebumps pop up all over my body as a shot of pleasure shoots down to my center again. He pulls away and connects his mouth to mine; muffling the sound of my moans with his lips. I lick his bottom lip and he opens for me. I dart my tongue into his mouth, this time he moans from the contact. I wrap my arms around his back, pulling his body closer to mine. His hands travel down my ribs and to my thighs, where he hitches one up over his hip. He breaks off the kiss, moving to my neck travelling up to my ear.
"Do you want to go further, baby?" he asks in whisper.
My breathing has become so heavy that the only reply I can give him is an enthusiastic nod of my head.
He grabs my hips and lifts me so I'm in a semi sitting position. I grab a pillow and put it behind my head. He kisses my lips before travelling back down my neck, breasts and torso. His hands travel back down to my thighs, tracing circles on them before running his hands under them, lifting them so they're both beside his hips. I keep my eyes on his as he runs his palm over my center. My hips automatically curve up into his touch, wanting more; he places his fingers under my underwear. My breath catches in my throat as he slides two fingers inside me.
"God, you're so wet." He whispers. I blush at his words. Edward talking dirty is so hot. I pull his face to me, connecting his lips to mine.
I arch my back as he runs his thumb across my clit. A guttural moan escapes my lips, causing his lips turn up into a smirk. I blush deeper, filled with embarrassment. I shift my hips as the pleasure begins to overcome me.
He keeps things slow and comfortable.Working his fingers in and out of me as his thumb continues to make its way across my sensitive area. I wrap my arms around his neck and pull him closer to me as I lift my hips into his touch, making his fingers go deeper. My breathing begins to become heavier. I can feel his length getting harder through his pants. I begin to unbutton them.
"What are you doing?" he asks breathlessly.
"I want to touch you too," I reply in a whisper. He buries his head into the crook of my neck, muffling the sound of his moan.
I wince as he pulls his fingers out of me, instantly missing the contact.
"Shit. Sorry, baby." he says before lying on his back, and pulling his pants off frantically.
He sits back up, making his way back to me. I pull his face to mine and kiss him with as much passion as I can. I lay back down onto the pillows. He runs his hands down my body, hooking his fingers under the hem of my underwear and pulls them off slowly. I lift my hips to make it easier for him. I place my hands on his chest, running them down his torso before pulling his underwear off as well. I glance down, and blush as I take him in.
His lips find their way back to mine before he slides his fingers back inside of me. I tilt my head back before wrapping my hand around him, running it up and down his length. He hisses in my ear, his hips arching towards me, trying to get more friction. I hold him tighter and pick up my pace. I continue the stride down his length, matching my rhythm to his as his fingers make their way in and out of me. I run my thumb over his head, causing a groan to escape his lips before he begins to kiss his way across my collar bone and back up to my lips.
The pleasure begins to build up inside of me; I can feel that I'm close to the edge. Our breathing becomes heavier I feel his whole body tense as he spills out onto my stomach.
"Fuck," he cusses under his breath. "Sorry, baby," he mumbles.
"It's okay," I say breathlessly.
"Don't worry, I'll make you come if it's the last thing I do," he says through a purr, making my whole body shiver in pleasure. He continues to work his fingers inside of me. He runs his thumb across my clit again as he massages that certain spot of pleasure inside of me.
"Edward," I moan out his name as my body convulses as I cum. Edward continues to massage me as I ride out my orgasm. He pulls his fingers out of me and leans over to his bedside table and grabs some tissues, wiping his fingers clean. This makes me blush. He smirks at me before lying beside me on his bed. I sigh happily as he wraps his arms around my waist and pulls me close to him so my back is flush against his chest. He places a kiss to my cheek before pulling the covers up over us, nuzzling his face into the back of my neck.
I can feel the blush on my cheeks as the sound of my ringtone pulls me out of my reverie. I climb out of bed and almost fall over my clothes on the ground as I run over to my desk. It's Alice.
"Hey," I answer breathlessly.
"Hey, why are you breathing so heavily?" she asks confused.
"I fell over when I was running to get to my phone,"
"Of course you did," she says through a laugh.
"Mmm, so what's up?"
"Just ringing to see when you want me to come over,"
"Oh, okay. Well, whenever you want. I have to have a shower though," I tell her. I take a glance at my clock and see that it's 11:30AM. I slept in again.
"Maybe half an hour?" I add in a questioning tone.
"Okay, cool. It feels like we haven't hung out in forever."
"Tell me about it,"
"Alright, well I'll see you soon, Bella!" she says excitedly before hanging up.
"Bye," I say to an empty phone line.
I grab my towel and head into the bathroom. I strip off my clothes and put them in the washing basket before getting into the shower. I massage the shampoo and then the conditioner into my hair. I close my eyes as I tilt my head back, letting the water rinse out my hair. I grab my purple loofah and squirt my strawberry body wash onto it before washing my body. Once I'm squeaky clean I get out of the shower and head back into my room. I raid my closet, trying to find something to wear. I settle for my dark blue jean shorts and white oversized T with Je t'aime written on it.
I go downstairs and put on a load of washing. While I wait for that to finish I make some toast then head into the lounge room and turn on the TV. I skip through the channels, trying to find something to watch. I groan in annoyance at nothing being on. TV sucks on the weekends.
The door bell rings, no doubt that it's Alice. I jump up off the couch and run to the door, opening it eagerly. She has a huge grin on her face. She closes the distance between us quickly and wraps her arms around my neck, engulfing me in a tight hug. I wrap my arms around her and hug her bag.
"We have to hang out more often, I'm having Bella withdrawals," she greets me.
"Hey, to you too," I say through a chuckle.
She steps out of the embrace I take her hand in mine, leading her into the lounge room. I sit down on the couch, pulling her down with me.
"There is absolutely nothing on TV," I complain to her.
"Oh, well. We don't need it. TV rots your brain cells anyway," she says matter-of-factly.
"Well, what do you want to do?" I ask.
'Talk.' We haven't just hung out and talked in ages,"
"I know," I agree through a sigh.
"So how are things with you and Edward?"
"Fine," I reply. A blush automatically makes its way into my cheeks as I remember my thoughts from earlier.
"Oh my god, give me details right now," she demands excitedly. She crosses her legs and turns her body towards me. I can feel her eyes on me.
"What have youse done?"
"Alice! That's none of your business," I scold her.
"Oh, whatever. I'm your best friend you have to tell me this stuff!"
"But he's your brother!"
"Technically he's my cousin, but so what?" she exclaims through a giggle.
"This is so embarrassing," I say, covering my face with my hands.
"What base have you gone to?" she asks. "Please tell me you've gone past first," she adds seriously.
"Third," I mumble.
"Oh my god, you go girl!" she exclaims excitedly, clapping her hands.
"What are you, ten? Jeeze, Alice." I say playfully. She rolls her eyes at me before grinning ear to ear.
"Well, how was it? Did you enjoy it?"
My eyes go wide as shock covers my face.
"Do you even have a filter from your brain to your mouth?" I ask incredulously. She looks at me expectantly. I take a deep breath and just pretend that she's anyone but Edward's cousin.
"It was… Um, I don't know? How do you describe something like that?" I ask, embarrassed.
"Well, when Jasper and I first went to third base, he was a god. I have never felt anything so amazing in my life," For the first time, I see Alice blush.
"Well then, yeah, it was amazing," I say quietly.
"Did you come first?" she asks abruptly. "Actually, this is weird talking about this when he's practically my brother." She adds as she screws up her nose, causing me to laugh.
"I told you! This is so embarrassing!" I complain.
"We're already half way through it; you might as well just answer,"
"He did,"
"Really? Damn. So you didn't have an orgasm then?" she asks seriously.
"No, I did. He felt bad and was pretty determined to please me," Alice's lips turn up into a smirk. I put my face in my hands before adding "I cannot believe I'm having this type of conversation with you right now."
To stop the conversation going any further I stand up and head into the laundry to check on the washing. I put the clothes in the dryer and then go back into the kitchen to see Alice sitting at the bench.
"Are you hungry?" I ask.
"Famished," she says through a laugh.
I make us some toasted sandwiches and pour us both a glass of milk.
"So are you excited for thanksgiving tomorrow?" she asks.
I turn away and pretend to turn on the tap so she doesn't see my expression at the mention of thanksgiving.
"Bella, you okay?" she asks, concerned.
"Yeah, I'm fine," I say before turning back to her, giving her a reassuring smile. "Just nervous," I add.
"About what?" she asks, confused.
"Uh, spending a big holiday with my boyfriends family," I say quietly.
"You have nothing to worry about, Bella. You've already met mom and dad and they love you. We all love you. Edward especially, I think." She says with a grin on my face. As soon as she sees my expression her grin falls from her face.
"What did you say?" I ask her nervously.
"What?"
"Edward's in love with me?" I ask her.
"I think so,"
"Did he tell you that?"
"Not personally, but I pick up on those kind of things. You're in love with him too, aren't you?" she asks me suspiciously.
'Uh, I don't know. I haven't really thought about it," I say through one breath.
I take her plate and empty glass and walk over to the sink, turning on the tap. I can feel myself begin to freak out. Do I love him? I ask myself. I honestly don't know. I can't afford to fall for someone so deeply. The last time I loved someone, they abandoned me. I can't get hurt like that again. I hope Alice is just curious and Edward isn't actually in love with me. I don't know what I'll do. I care about him so much and I love it when I'm with him. We've only just took the next step in being intimate together. Could that have been what made him feel like that towards me? Oh, god. What am I going to do?
"Bella." She addresses me straightforwardly. "Talk to me, are you still scared about your feelings?" she asks quietly.
"Yes," I mumble.
"Don't be." She says confidently. "You have nothing to worry about. Edward cares about you a lot - he'd never do anything to hurt you,"
"Yeah, that's what I thought about my mom," I say under my breath.
"What? What about your mom?" she asks, confused. Shit. I forgot Alice has bat ears.
"Nothing," I say through a sigh. I glance at the clock and see that it's four o'clock in the afternoon.
"Do you wanna stay the night?" I ask her, not at all keeping the hope out of my voice.
"Sure," she says before smiling softly at me. I look into her eyes and see the worry in them.
Later in the night, Alice and I are sitting on my bed playing Monopoly
"So, what did you mean earlier about your mom?" she asks me. I can feel her eyes on me, waiting for me to answer.
"Nothing, I just found a letter from her a few weeks ago,"
"Oh, really? What did it say?"
"Nothing important," I reply quietly.
"Did you write one back?"
"Yeah,"
"What did you say?"
"Her letter wasn't to me. It was to Charlie, so I basically just said that I found the letter and I just want to know if she's at least still alive."
"Oh. Have you posted it yet?" she asks quietly.
I look up at her. Her expression is filled with pity. Something I do not want.
"No. I don't know if I should," I shrug my shoulders before pulling my legs up to my chest, and wrapping my arms around them.
"You should," she says encouragingly before adding, "You'll regret it if you don't."
When we finish our game of monopoly I pack it away on my bookshelf. Alice goes and has a shower. When she comes back into my room, my lips automatically turn up into a smile as I take in her pajamas.
"I came prepared just in case," she says through a laugh.
She's wearing red Hello Kitty pajamas with white polka dots on them. I laugh quietly to myself before heading to the bathroom. Since I already had a shower today, I only have a quick one. I change into my black and grey flannel shorts and batman singlet and I walk back into my room to see Alice standing in front of my desk with a smile on her face, holding the photograph that Rose took of me and Alice laughing together. She puts it down and faces me. She smiles at me before walking over to my bed and climbing under the sheets. We lay down facing each other.
"I'm really happy we've become this close, Bella." She says quietly.
"Me too. I love that photo of us," I tell her quietly.
"You'd tell me if something was bothering you, wouldn't you?"
"Of course I would," I lie.
"You promise?" she asks, doubt clear in her voice. I smile at her lightly before breaking our gaze. She takes my hand in hers, and links our fingers together. "Promise me," she whispers.
"I promise," I reply quietly. I look away from her, discreetly wiping my tears away.
My phone goes off. Alice lets go of my hand so I can roll over and get my phone off my bedside table.
"It's Edward," I say surprised.
"Of course it is," Alice says through a soft laugh.
Hey baby,
how has your day been?
Hope you and Ali haven't been talking about me too much,
Been thinking about you all day.
Miss you, x
- E
A smile forms on my face. I reply instantly.
Hey!
It's been great. And actually, we have been talking about you a fair bit today,
actually, more about us and our intimacy,
most embarrassing conversation of my life.
Did you tell her something?
Miss you too.
- B
I look back at Alice to see she has her brow quirked at me. "You're terrible," she says, mock disapproval in her voice.
"Whatever. You started it," I say through a chuckle.
My phone beeps with his reply.
I didn't tell her anything, she's just annoyingly perceptive.
Sorry you were embarrassed, but I'm not gonna lie it's totally worth it ;)
I should let you get your beauty sleep.
Not that you need beauty sleep because you're beautiful enough already,
- E
He is way too good to me and way too amazing. What if he is in love with me? I ask myself. I smile sadly; I care about him so much. But am I in love with him? I hope for both of our sakes I'm not, and that he's not in love with me. Because if that's the case, something bad is going to happen. I just know it.
I feel a tear fall down my cheek. I wipe it away quickly before looking back at Alice. She's fallen asleep facing me. I put my phone back on my bedside table before snuggling under the covers and entwining her hand in mine.
I silently cry myself to sleep from fear of the future.
Hey, everyone! I'm so, so, so sorry for the late updates lately! I've been running around going crazy looking for a job and organising my trip to the easter show and getting stuff i'll need for Melbourne, and this week is going to be even more hectic because my 2 year old niece is staying with us for a week so i've pretty much got her during the whole day. Huge thanks to my Beta's MyHeartOfMusic and Jenndur ! Without you this story wouldn't be happening. Thank to all of you who are reviewing and still sticking with me! I love you all so much! Hope you enjoyed the chapter, that was my first ever lemon :| xx
Natalee-x