Chapter Thirty Three – (Love is Pain)
EPOV
I've tried calling Bella all weekend but her phone just continues to go straight to voice mail. I leave her voice messages and send her texts, but I never get a reply. When Monday comes around, I remember everything that Esme and Jasper told me; that she may have just needed to get away for a few days. I try to stay positive as my eyes scan the school parking lot for Bella's truck. She's not here. I feel disappointment flood me as I park the Volvo. I rest my head on the steering wheel. There's a tap on my window and hope swells up inside my chest as I think that it could be Bella. I look up, my hope vanishing as soon as I see that it's Alice. I grab my bag off of the passenger seat, letting out a sigh before opening my door and climbing out.
"Hey," Alice greets me in her no- so-chipper voice.
"She isn't here." I say straight forwardly. Her face falls before she takes a shaky breath and lets it out slowly.
"I know,"
I run my hand down my face before walking around Alice and heading to class. I hear her running to catch up with me.
"Maybe she's running late." she says uncertainly.
I don't say a word. Instead I walk silently to my first class.
My first class went by in a blur. I wasn't really paying attention, I was too busy checking my phone for messages from Bella. I make my way to biology, my hope slowly beginning to return. Maybe Alice was right? Maybe she was just running late this morning and she'll be in biology. I tell myself. I walk through the door to find our bench empty. There are only a few people in the class, so maybe she's still on her way.
The second warning bell rings, signalling that five minutes has passed. Mr. Banner makes his way into the room and closes the door behind him. He begins the lesson but my eyes don't leave the door, wishing to god that she will soon walk through it. Mr. Banner calls me to attention; it seems he's organised a partner lesson.
"Edward, where's Miss Swan today?"
"I don't know," I reply quietly.
"Is everything okay with her? I know she's been having trouble with some of the students,"
"I honestly don't know, sir. Sorry," I mumble.
"Trouble in paradise eh, Cullen?" Mike asks in a taunting voice.
"Try to go to the next level with her but she shot you down?" Tyler adds.
I turn around to glare at them. Their mouths turn up into smug smirks.
"Leave Mr Cullen alone you two." Mr Banner says.
I turn back around to face the front, but they continue to taunt me in hushed tones.
"Told you she was frigid." Tyler says.
"Did she dump your ass afterwards? Is that why she's not here?" Mike says through a chuckle.
I clench my hands into fists at my side, trying to keep myself from losing control. I feel breath on my neck as Tyler whispers in my ear.
"Maybe she's just not into you that way, maybe she wants some chocolate inside of her instead,"
I stand up abruptly and turn around to face him, my stool making a loud screeching noise along the floor. I'm sure I have the look of a murderer on my face because Tyler and Mike look like they're about to piss themselves.
"If you ever talk about her like that again I will bust your nuts!" I yell.
"Boys, stop this nuisance and sit down now!" Mr Banner scolds us. The fear is gone from their faces and replaced with a death stare.
"Oh, yeah? I'd like to see you try." Tyler taunts as if Mr Banner said nothing.
"It's not our fault she's a freak, dude. Calm down." Mike adds.
I leap around the stools at my bench and make my way around to them. I push Mike as hard as I can and grab the collar of his shirt in my hands, pushing him against the side of the bench.
"You don't know a fucking thing about her!"
I feel hands on me. I let go of Mike as Tyler pulls me off of him.
"Get the fuck off of me!" I yell as I shrug out of his grip. I turn around to face him and see him pull his arm up. I duck just in time as he throws a punch at me. My fist connects with his face before I charge at him, wrapping my arms around his waist as I tackle him to the ground. I hear the girls in the room scream as we nearly knock them off of their tools.
"Stop this right now!" Mr Banner yells.
Tyler throws punches at me. I block them and get a few shots in on his face.
Mike must try to join in because I hear Mr Banner say in a warning tone. "Don't even think about it Newton, stay right where you are."
Tyler continues to throw his fists at me, missing three times before clipping me on the side of my head. He takes that advantage to roll us over and sits on top of me.
"Get off me you fucking oaf!" I yell at him. I cover my face with my arms as he continues to throw punches at me. I punch him in the chest, winding him. Then I punch him in the face before pushing him off of me. Someone grabs my arm as I go to hit him again. My eyes go wide as I look around to see Mr Banner. He grabs my other arm and pulls me completely off of Tyler.
"Shit," I cuss under my breath. "Sorry, Sir." I mumble quietly. I look over at him and give him an apologetic look. He quirks his brow at me before giving me a stern look that says 'you aren't getting out of this at all' and looks back over at Tyler laying on the ground.
"Get up right now, Mr Crowley." Mr Banner says in a harsh tone. "Wait outside while I write up a note and send someone to take you to the principal's office."
"What? That's not fair, what about that dickhead?" Tyler says, pointing at me.
"Watch your language. I'll deal with him after you. Now go."
Tyler gets up off of the floor and makes his way outside.
"And don't disappear." Mr Banner adds in a warning tone as he makes his way back to his desk. He writes up a quick note before looking back up at the class.
"Katie?" he addresses her in a questioning tone, waving her forward with his hand. She groans in annoyance as she gets out of her seat. She glares at me when she walks past me to the front of the glass. Mr Banner quirks his brow at her before handing her the piece of paper. She takes it from him and sighs as she makes her way out of the room. Mr Banner looks over at me. I run my hands through my hair, expecting my punishment.
"You can go back to your seat, Edward. But I want you to stay behind after class so we can have a chat."
"Okay," I mumble.
Everyone's eyes are on me as I make my way back to my seat. Mike has a constant death stare on his face. He runs his finger across his throat, giving me a silent threat. I quirk my brow at him before flipping him off as I take my seat. I keep my eyes at the front of the class and try my best to pay attention. Mr Banner keeps his eyes on me throughout the lesson, a look of concern on his face every time he see's me checking my phone every ten minutes. The end of class bell rings and everyone rushes out of their seats as I stay seated like Mr Banner asked. He makes his way over to my desk.
"You know you have to go to the principal's office too, right?" He asks with a hint of amusement in his voice. I give him my crooked smile and nod my head.
"Now. What was all that about?" He asks.
"They were just saying horrible shi- stuff about Bella."
"Alright well, I'll organise for you to explain everything to the principal. I know Tyler was provoking you, so I'll put in a good word for you so you don't get in too much trouble."
"Thanks, sir."
"You're a good kid, Edward. You haven't given me any trouble since you moved here. Unlike Mike and Tyler," I give him a small smile. He smiles back before grabbing a stool and sitting in front of me before continuing. "Is everything okay with Bella?"
I run my hand over my face before letting out a sigh.
"I don't know."
"Do you know where she is?"
I shake my head. Not trusting my voice to speak.
"I know her father drinks a lot. Is she safe?" He asks with concern in his voice
"I'm pretty sure she's not in Forks anymore," I say quietly, the hurt clear in my voice.
He places his hand on my shoulder, giving it a squeeze. He keeps it there until I look up and meet his gaze.
"Are you okay, son?"
I shrug my shoulders before answering. "I'll be fine,"
"Well, I hope everything works out. She's a great student, I'll miss her."
"Yeah, me too," I mumble.
He gives me a sympathetic look before standing and putting the stool back in its rightful place. He gives me a pat on the shoulder before walking out of the room.
During lunch the next day I can feel everyone's eyes on me: It didn't take long for the incident between Tyler and I to spread around the school. I skip getting food and walk straight to the table where my family is. I take my seat, keeping my eyes cast down, not wanting to look anyone in the eye. I hate being around people now, because all they do is ask me questions and constantly give me pep talks and tell me everything is going to be okay when it clearly isn't. It's like I can't even have company anymore, nobody can talk to me because I'll just end up snapping at them.
By the time lunch came around yesterday, everyone had already found out what happened with Tyler. They bombarded me with questions and scolded me about needing to control my anger. I can feel Alice and Rosalie's eyes on me, wanting so badly to speak to me about what happened again. Thankfully for me, they leave me be.
I still can't get over the fact that she's really gone. I keep expecting to get a text from her, or to see her in biology. Every day my disappointment becomes deeper and more potent. I wish I knew what was wrong with her to make her want to run away. I've never felt the way I do about her with anyone in my life. I always felt there was something missing inside of me until I met her. Now she's gone and I don't know what to do with myself. I don't know what I did to mess it up. I feel like nothing is in front of me now. Some days I feel I can't even breathe, all I feel is agony. I told her I'd never leave, but now look what she's done? She left me instead. I never understood why guys in movies always turned into such emotional pussies when their girlfriend left them… And now I'm in the same boat as them. I guess you don't understand what they're going through until you experience it yourself.
The bell signals the end of lunch. I have Trig with Emmett now. I take a quick glance at him to see that he has a silent question in his eyes. I look at him expectantly; his expression changes into shock for a split second before he looks away from me and pecks Rosalie on the lips. I look away from them, pick up my bag and walk away. My own family don't know what to do with me anymore… It's not like I'd fucking yell at him for walking to class with me. I hear Emmett approaching me. I feel everyone's eyes on me as we walk down the hallway.
"You okay, bro?" he asks quietly.
"Yeah," I glance at him and see the concern in his eyes. That's not like Emmett. I give him a reassuring smile before looking away from him. He stays silent the rest of the way to class and throughout the lesson.
Today we have a conjoined gym lesson again. Coach has made the teams fair by mixing up the teams by putting girls and boys together. Everyone on my team, and the coach, have been getting pissed off at me because my head's just not in the game anymore. I used to be one of his best players and now I just don't even give a shit anymore. It's like I don't know where to go from here now, I'm so lost and it's fucking pathetic. I keep trying to fight through the way I'm feeling but every day I can't stop thinking about her. Does she miss me? Did she even care about me at all? What's she's doing now? Where is she? Is she safe? I wonder if she even knows how hard this is for me. Why did this have to happen? I ask myself. It shouldn't be like this. I shouldn't have to feel like this. Fucking hell, I never thought I'd feel this low in my life. I swear I'm all messed up inside now. It's like I'm fucking broken or something. Argh, listen to me, I'm such a whingey bitch.
"For Christ's sake, Edward! Snap out of it and get your damn head in the game!" Rosalie yells, snapping me out of my thoughts. I look in her direction and narrow my eyes at her.
"Shut up, will you?"
"Edward." Jasper addresses me in a warning tone.
"Excuse me?" Rosalie says in an annoyed tone.
"You heard me." I say before rolling my eyes at her and flipping her off.
"You are such a rude bastard these days! Grow the fuck up and get over her already! Bella obviously doesn't give a shit about anyone but herself –"
"Don't talk about her like that!"
"Well, she's gone. She isn't coming back, so be a man and move on with your life because you're just bringing everyone else down!"
"Rose, stop it! What the hell are you trying to accomplish–" Jasper asks with shock in his voice before I cut him off.
"Fuck you! God, you're such a cold hearted bitch! No wonder everyone hates you!" I yell at her. My eyes go wide with shock as I realise what I just said.
I look over to Jasper to see his expression matches mine, which quickly turns into anger at what I said. He is related to her by blood, after all. I look over to Rose and see the fire in her eyes. She marches over to me and I know what's going to happen next.
"Rose. I'm so sorry." I whisper, before she slaps me in the face as hard as she can. My head snaps to the side and I leave it there. I hear the shocked intake of everyone's breath.
"Don't you ever, fucking talk to me like that again," she says, her voice laced with rage. I glance at her to see that her eyes are filled with unshed tears. She wipes at her eyes roughly before turning on her heel and walking out of the gym.
"That was beyond low, man." Jasper says before running out after her.
On Thursday, Lauren stops by my locker when I'm grabbing my books for my next class.
"Hey, Edward."
"Hi." I reply nonchalantly.
"The weathers such a drag today isn't it?"
I let out a sigh before closing my locker and facing her.
"You're seriously asking me about the weather?"
I see the blush rush into her cheeks. It's not nearly as cute when Bella blushes.
"I guess." She says quietly.
"Right."
"Well, what are you doing this weekend? A friend of mine is having a party. You wanna come?" she asks in her best 'sexy' tone.
"No thanks."
She closes the distance between us. Getting way to close for comfort. "Oh, come on. It'll be fun." She says way too sweetly before continuing. "I know you must be lonely these days,"
"I'm fine actually." I tell her pointedly.
She runs her finger down my chest. I clench my jaw in irritation. "Are you sure about that? Now that Bella's gone –"
"Don't." I say in a cold voice. Grabbing her wrist and practically throwing it away from me. "I will never feel the way I did with her with you."
She takes a step back in shock before narrowing her eyes at me.
"When are you going to get over her? She obviously didn't give a shit about you! God, did you even do anything with each other? Tyler told everyone she left because you tried to have sex with her and she freaked out and ran away."
I clench my fists at my side as I stalk towards her, trapping her against the locker. I slam my hands against the lockers, an arm on each side of her head. Our faces are inches from each other both of us breathing heavily. Me from anger – her from excitement. She smirks at me before pulling my face towards hers and roughly placing her lips against mine. I bite her lip after she runs her hands into my hair, causing her to pull away.
"Owe, did you just bite me?" she exclaims.
"Don't touch me again. And don't ever talk about Bella like that again." I tell her in a cold voice.
"You seriously need to stop being such a pussy," she says in an annoyed voice before closing the distance between us again and placing her hands on my chest. "Let me please you, you'll feel much better," she adds in a disgustingly sultry voice. I grab her wrist and push her away from me.
"Did I not just say don't touch me?" I yell at her.
"You're such a fucking prick!" She screams before stalking towards me.
"Whoa, calm your fucking tits woman." Emmett says through a chuckle as he approaches us, causing Lauren to stop in her tracks.
"Excuse me?" she asks exasperatedly. He quirks his brow at her before placing his arm across my shoulders.
"What's going on here?" he asks.
"None of your business," she says.
"She's being way too touchy feely and can't seem to understand that I'm not interested in her at all." I tell him in an annoyed tone.
"Why are you telling him? It's none of his business!" She says, her voice raising an octave.
"Well, it's my business is now," he replies with a smug smile on his lips. I chuckle beside him.
"You and your family are freaks," she spits the words at us.
"We sure are. We're freaks in the sack too. But I'll guess you'll never know what that's like, will you?" He says, waggling his eyebrows at her.
She narrows her eyes at him before turning on her heel and walking away.
"You okay? She's a piece of work." he says through a chuckle.
"Yeah. Thanks, man."
"Don't mention it." He says before patting me on the back and walking away.
"Hey, Em?" I call out to him. He turns around. I look up at him to see his brow quirked.
"Just spit it out, Ed."
"Sorry about what I said to Rose." I mumble.
"It's not me you need to apologise to, bro." He gives me a sympathetic smile before walking away.
I'm late to English on Friday because I finally had my appointment with the principal. Mr Banner kept his word and put in a good word for me, keeping me out of too much trouble. He gave me a warning and said if I get into another fight like that then I'll get suspended.
I hand my note to Mr Berty before taking my seat. Mike is giving me his infamous death stare that always seems to be on his face when he sees me. Jasper gave me the cold shoulder and didn't speak to me until I apologised to Rose. I keep my eyes to the front of the class and put all of my attention on today's lesson, ignoring the snickering Mike is doing behind my back. He acts like such a fucking girl sometimes.
"So Lauren told us what happened yesterday." Mike says in a confident voice. I glance at him to see a smug smile on his lips. I roll my eyes at him before looking back to the front of the class.
"Maybe you're the frigid one and Bella left your sorry ass to find a real man," Mike says, laughing quietly to himself.
I take a deep breath and let it out slowly. Something the principal told me to do when I felt the anger coming on.
"Why didn't you tell us you were a virgin?" he taunts. I spin around in my seat to face him.
"What? Who told you that?"
"Lauren."
"Right. coming from the lying bitch… who doesn't know how to handle being constantly rejected,"
"You haven't denied it," he says smugly.
"I'm not a virgin. Happy now?"
"Sure you're not," he mumbles.
Jasper raises his hand. I look over at him confusion clear on my face. He shakes his head slightly before Mr Berty notices him.
"What is it, Mr Whitlock?"
"Can Edward please be excused from the rest of the lesson?" Jasper asks in his kindest tone.
"And why's that?"
"With all due respect Sir, he's my brother and I know what he's like and if he stays in the same room as Mike, he's going to hurt him,"
Mike chuckles to himself behind us. Mr. Berty gives him a pointed look before turning his back to us.
"I'm sure he'll be fine, Jasper."
He continues with the lesson and begins to write things up on the chalk board.
"Sorry, man. I tried." Jasper says quietly.
I take another deep breath, calming myself down.
"Don't worry about it. But If Mike says one more thing to me I am going to snap." I tell him in a whisper.
Low and behold. The moron opens his mouth again.
"Lauren also said you bit her lip. Like it rough do you?" he taunts.
"God, what the fuck is wrong with you?" I yell at him as I stand up out of my seat.
"Mr Cullen, sit down."
"Nothings wrong with me, you're the one with the problems, newbie." Mike yells back. Also standing up.
"Fuck you are such a smug little prick aren't you? Tell me something, do you have a girlfriend?"
"No. But just because I don't have a girlfriend doesn't mean I don't get chicks." He says defensively.
"Well, let me tell you something. You don't have a girlfriend because you're a disgusting pig who treats girls like a piece of trash. No woman is going to want you after you've fucked a million girls,"
"Watch what you say, asshole." He says through clenched teeth.
"Oh, I've hit a nerve, have I? Do you use protection, Mike? Have you been checked for an STD? I'm sure you have some sort of disease with all the girls you apparently sleep with." I feel the smile turn up on my lips. He narrows his eyes at me before lunging for me. I push him off of me. I go to hit Mike back but Jasper grabs my arm and pulls me away from him.
"Calm down, man. You can't get into another fight." He says in a hushed tone.
"Let him go, I can take him." Mike taunts as I continue to struggle in Jasper's arms, trying to get my hands on Mike.
"That's enough, Mike!" Mr Berty says in a stern tone. I stop struggling against Jasper and take a deep breath to get myself under control.
"I need to get the fuck out of here," I tell Jasper honestly. My tone hushed so only he can hear.
"Get out of here before you get expelled," he says quietly. He releases me and I can't stop myself from lunging for Mike.
"Edward, stop!" Mr. Berty yells.
Jasper grabs a hold of me and pushes me again and pushes me towards the door. I storm out of the room, leaving my bag behind.
The last thing I hear is Jasper saying "I told you he needed to leave,"
I head towards the schools work out gym. I go straight to the punching bags to let off some steam. Picturing it as Mike's head. I throw in a few kicks and knee it a few times too. I don't know how long I'm in there, but by the time I hear the door opening, my shirt is covered in sweat and I'm exhausted.
"There you are!" Alice says.
"How'd you find me?"
"Jasper messaged me,"
"Of course he fucking did. Why can't everyone just leave me alone?" I look at her as she makes her way over to me, my bag in her hands. Great, now I feel bad.
"Edward, we're just worried about you." She says quietly.
"Well don't be. I'm fine."
"No you're not. You've changed…"
"I have not changed."
"Yes you have. You're angry all the time – you're always getting into fights. And you're really mean. What you said to Rose was horrible," she says quietly, hurt clear in her voice.
"I already apologised for that," I mumble.
"Why won't you talk to me? What's wrong?"
"What do you think is wrong, Alice?" I yell exasperatedly.
"Right. Bella. Look, I know you're hurting, but–"
"Alice, don't." I say pointedly, cutting her off.
"No. You keep lashing out at everyone when they haven't done anything wrong–"
"Alice, please. Just stop! I don't want to be lectured right now!"
"I don't care. You aren't the only one who lost her! She was my best friend, Edward. I miss her too, but you need to move on." She yells. Her voice cracking halfway through the sentence with tears welling up in her eyes
"I can't. Everything hurts. I know I sound like a pussy right now, but I love her, Alice. I finally found someone and she left me,"
"You may see her again one day. But for now, you just need to move on. If you keep holding on, it'll just make everything worse for you." She says softly.
"I've never felt this much pain in my life. Not since my mother died. I don't want to let go of her, Ali." My voice gets stuck in my throat, unable to continue speaking.
I feel the tears begin to well up in my eyes as my chest constricts, a sob escaping me. Alice closes the distance between us and wraps her arms around my waist as she begins to cry as well. I pull us onto the gym floor and she removes her arms from around my waist, instead wrapping them around my neck. I place my arms around her waist and hold her close to me as she sits on my lap and cries into my chest. Sobs continue to escape from me as I press my face into the crook of her neck. I rub circles on her back as she runs her hands through my hair. I get my sobbing under control and begin to breathe slowly.
"I hate this," I tell her. My voice muffled by her neck.
"M-me too." She says through a sob before asking. "Do you want me to drive you home?"
"Yeah, okay. Wait, what about my car?" I ask hesitantly.
"Jazz will drive it home. Your keys were in your bag. I already gave them to him," she says sheepishly. A hiccup escapes her lips, causing me to laugh lightly. I give her a light smile before standing and pulling her to her feet. She wraps her arm around my back as we walk out of the gym and towards the school parking lot.
The ride home is a quiet one. But not filled with any tension or awkwardness. That's the great thing about Alice. I never feel uncomfortable or embarrassed around her. When we arrive home, I kiss her on the cheek before heading inside.
I have a shower and lay on my bed with my iPod in my ears. I don't know how long I lay there for, but it must have been hours because by the time Esme comes up, she tells me it's time for dinner. I slowly make my way downstairs. Everyone's eyes are on me when I make my way to the table. They all begin to have small conversations around me as I pick at my food, which I think upsets Esme a bit – but I just have no appetite lately. I guess that's what happens when you get your heart broken. Nothing wants to function anymore. You just want to sleep and never wake up. I excuse myself and go back up to my room. Jasper comes up but doesn't say anything to disturb me. He just gives me a small smile before chucking my car keys on my bed then leaves.
Alice comes into my room and crawls onto my bed and lays on top of me. I place my hands on her back and give her a light hug, knowing she'll stay laying on top of me until I responded to her. I feel her smile against my chest. She looks up at me and places a kiss on the top of my forehead. I kiss her on the cheek before she gets off of the bed and walks away. She turns around when she gets to my door.
"Night, Eddie." She says softly.
"Night, Alicat." She smiles at me softly before leaving the room.
I glance at my radio clock to see that it's 10:30PM. Time flies when you're not paying attention to it. I notice my phone on my bedside table and lean over to pick it up. I lay down on my back and flip through my messages. Still nothing from Bella. I check my voicemail. Nothing from her there either. I decide to ring her and it goes straight to voicemail again.
Hi, you've reached Bella. Sorry I can't get to the phone right now. Just leave your name and number and I'll get back to you as soon as I can.
I continue to ring her number and listen to her voicemail over and over again. Her voice is the last thing I hear before exhaustion overtakes me and I finally fall asleep.
Hey everyone! Sorry about the posts being a bit over the place. I have been super busy over the past few weeks, and so have my Betas MyHeartOfMusic and Jenndur. This chapter is all about how Edward is feeling about Bella running away.
Just to give you guys a heads up, the next chapter is going to be VERY long. So, it may be late, because my Beta's don't have superpowers, they can only do so much at a time. BUT THEY ARE AMAZING AND I LOVE THEM.
Thank you all for your support, and thank you to my readers who have now started following me on Twitter! You know who you are. Thank you to everyone who have reviewed and added this story to their alerts and favorites. It means the world to me.
Natalee-x