Spark of Genius
Disclaimer: I don't own Buffy verse, girl genius verse, DC comics or any of that, so give it a rest.
AN: Just a little glimpse into my thinking on this story: I try to keep to cannon for items and characters for the Justice League verse, Buffy verse, and as close as possible for the Girl Genius Verse. I do bring in some other items from other verses based on Xander's possible childhood and teenaged experiences. I'm of the mentality that we are products of our environment, and the Xander I write was a comic book loving, TV watching, Twinkie loving geek and an all around goofball product of America and California. I see Xander's youth as being spent with Jesse, Willow, and casual friendships with Jonathan and the geeky trio; with brief periods of hiatus's where he is dodging the abuse from his drunken parents while trying to raise himself. Just a few thoughts, now on with the story.
'Thought'
"Speech"
Chapter 9: Don't Cross The Streams
Dr. Egon Spengler: There's something very important I forgot to tell you.
Dr. Peter Venkman: What?
Dr. Egon Spengler: Don't cross the streams.
Dr. Peter Venkman: Why?
Dr. Egon Spengler: It would be bad.
Dr. Peter Venkman: I'm fuzzy on the whole good/bad thing. What do you mean, "bad"?
Dr. Egon Spengler: Try to imagine all life as you know it stopping instantaneously and every molecule in your body exploding at the speed of light.
Dr Ray Stantz: Total protonic reversal.
Dr. Peter Venkman: Right. That's bad. Okay. All right. Important safety tip. Thanks, Egon.
~Ghostbusters
Xander found himself regaining consciousness to sensations of absolute warmth and comfort. His last waking memory had been of the people of Hetdin proclaiming they were servants or minions of House Heterodyne, and recognizing him as 'The Heterodyne.' Xander knew from his memories that 'The Heterodyne,' capital letters included in the vocalized pronunciation, was the head of House Heterodyne and chief warlord, mad genius, inventor, and world dominator in the family. Memories of what this really meant flooded through his mind in the instant of awakening.
With his eyes still firmly clasped shut, Xander went through a mental check list of his situation, keeping his eyes closed so that he could first assess his health and wellbeing before letting any possible observers know that he was awake.
'Toes,' Xander wiggled his toes slightly as prompted by his thoughts, 'Check'
'Head in one piece,' Xander concentrated on the feeling of his head, didn't feel any blood or injury, but noted that wherever he was, he was lying on some nice squishy pillows, 'Check.'
'Body?' Xander focused on whether anything hurt, and realized that he felt rather pretty good. In fact, he felt great, and the nice silky smooth naked feminine legs that were draped over his equally naked hips were a nice to wake up to. 'Wait a second! Does not compute, does not compute, restarting brain.'
Xander, eyes still tightly closed, focused in on the sensations around him. 'Yep, definitely naked, and some nice warmth from both sides… I'm in a lot of trouble.' He thought.
Trouble that only magnified as the leg that was draped over him shifted its weight directly over his bladder.
'Alert! Alert! Reactor's overload! A-WOOGA! Abandon Bed, Abandon Bed! Imminent bladder overload in t-minus 0 Seconds and no counting!' The third voice who had been concentrating on his bladder screamed in his head.
Xander's eyes flew open as he leapt out of the bed he was in, totally ignoring his nudity as he dived through a door on the right of the room, a door with porcelain floors which he assumed labeled it as a bathroom facility.
The next five minutes were prefaced by what sounded like a racehorse recycling water into a pond, and a long drawn out "Aaahhhhh" of relief from Xander.
After flushing, Xander walked out of the restroom with a smile on his face.
"Now, where was I?" Xander asked himself as he wandered out into the room, only to see the waitress, from earlier that day and a raven haired beauty smiling at him from an opulent bed in the middle of the room; both of them only covered by a form fitting blood red silk sheet.
Xander was goggled eyed for a second at the two grinning beauties, before looking down and realizing that he too was naked.
Xander 'eeped' as he darted his hands down to cover his privates; an act that was woefully insufficient to the job due to the changes to his body since that Halloween. Both of the girls merely smiled hungrily at him. This inspired Xander to fast dart his head from side to side looking for a place to hide. Fortunately, there was a nicely stuffed and mounted Buffalo to his right, with a nine iron leaning against it.
Xander leapt for the sanctuary that the Buffalo provided.
Once his midsection was covered from view by the two beauties, Xander was able to get the blood flowing from his blushing cheeks enough to form questions.
"Um, so what happened to your clothes?" Xander asked a question, but not necessarily an intelligent question.
"We took them off." The two gorgeous girls answered, thrusting their chests forward and smiling at Xander that much more.
Still struggling with blood-flow problems, but now for a different reason as he stared at the two girls, Xander asked a second question.
"And, um, what happened to my clothes?" He questioned, again not an incredibly bright question, but what could be expected given the amount of blood moving away from his brain.
"We took those off also." The girls stated in unison, both showing Xander hungry smiles.
Xander wasn't sure if he really really liked the smiles, or was very frightened; different heads were giving him different messages.
Shaking his head to clear his thoughts, Xander finally came up with a better question.
"So how long was I unconscious for?" Xander asked.
"One minute." The girls chorused, licking their lips at him.
Xander found himself nodding his head, until their answer hit him.
"Wait a second! I fainted for one minute and in that time you brought me in here, got naked, got me naked, and got us all curled up together in bed?" He stated wide eyed, once again an unintelligent question that had already been answered, but fortunately for Xander his questioning was interrupted by the arrival of Ian.
"Oh good, you're awake Master." Ian stated as he walked into the room, "And already playing with the minions I see." Ian finished with a raised eyebrow at the two girls in what Xander was assuming was to be 'his' bed.
Both girls flushed a bit red at the unstated admonition in Ian's voice.
"Perhaps the Master would like to learn some answers about his new holdings before playing with his toys?" Ian asked Xander. This time it was Xander's turn to blush.
"That would probably be breast." Xander answered, and then turned bright red when his he realized his slip. "I mean Best! Best! Not Breast!" He finished in a high pitched voice.
Both girls gave predatory smiles and dropped the sheets in front of them.
Xander drooled a little bit… "Boobies…" His teenaged brain overloaded and he had to shake himself and cover his eyes.
"Um, perhaps it would be breast, Damn-it, I mean best if you ladies covered up. You're a bit of a distraction." Xander said with his hand covering his eyes. "Um, were are my clothes?" Xander completed, trying to keep his thoughts off of the two naked gorgeous girls who were drool worthy, willing and right in his bed right now…
'Stop! Don't go down that path! That way lays Madness!' A little voice of reason screamed in the back of Xander's mind.
"Girls, grab the master a robe and leave us." Ian stated to the two young women. "Why in my day minions knew that the Master liked to chase them a bit, kicking and screaming before they fell into bed with him. Tut Tut." Ian clucked and frowned at the two girls.
Xander heard the girls mumble apologies for forgetting that lesson, and he soon felt a velvet robe draped over his body.
Peeking out between his fingers, Xander saw the nice tight naked derrieres of the girls disappear out the door of the room, and he slowly lowered his hand from his eyes and focused on tying the robe tightly about him.
When Xander looked up, he saw that the old hunchbacked man stood waiting for Xander to speak first.
"So, Ian. You mentioned some answers, a reward, and I'd also like to know what the hell was up with the front door and everybody bowing!" Xander finished, as he brain started getting into gear he ended the last of his questions with a raised voice.
"Igor Master, not Ian, and I'm sorry for the charade earlier, but we had to be sure." Igor, formerly known as Ian, stated with a bow of appology.
"Wait, so your name is Igor? And what do you mean by 'we had to be sure?'" Xander questioned, walking out from behind the Bison and sitting down in a comfortable seat next to the bed.
Xander's arm came to rest on the arm rest and there was a soft 'snick' sound, and a dagger popped up out of the arm rest of the chair, right towards Xander's lowered hand.
Xander hopped out of the seat, 'Maybe I'll just stand for now.' He thought to himself as he carefully moved away from the chair with the dagger sticking out of its armrest.
Igor totally ignored the byplay with the dagger, as if it was perfectly normal.
"Yes sir, I am Igor, an Igor has been serving beside the Black Master since the 1600's when he discovered my family in Transylvania." Igor explained in a blasé manner. "As for 'we had to be sure,' well after the disappearance of the last Master, The Black Heterodyne, the people of Hetdin, or New Mechanicsburg if you prefer, were without leadership and were often preyed upon by every thug or villain who waltzed through believing that they could take over the reins of our late great dark master." Igor explained as he walked over towards the door.
"Without the Heterodyne, we were adrift; without purpose. We couldn't even control the defenses of the town and surroundings for the Black Master didn't think to provide us with that ability, due to his unwavering focus on getting back to the Castle." Igor explained.
Igor clapped his hands twice at the door, and two burly men lugged a large gramophone looking device into the room, and bowed to Xander before leaving the room.
The device looked like an old crank powered record player, or gramophone, however there were a serious of light bulbs and weird looking gauges attached to it.
Xander was at this point just going with the flow. 'What's one more crazy nuance to life considering what I've experienced so far?' He thought to himself, strangely comforted by the craziness that he was experiencing, as insanity was quickly becoming the norm for him.
Xander walked around the device examining it, the scientific part of his brain getting the better of him before he looked up at Igor with a raised eyebrow, questioning what the device was for.
"This shall give you your answers young Master. I shall return after you've reviewed the message left for you by your predecessor. I shall return when you call me." Igor explained, as the man bowed his way out of Xander's presence and the bedroom.
Xander watched Igor leave before looking the room, and the device, over. In short, the room was both as opulent as it was deviant, and probably a good amalgamation of the personality of the former inhabitant.
Paintings of nude figures frolicking together shared spaces on the wall with the stuffed heads of multiple predatory animals as well as bladed weapons of every sort. The theme of the room seemed to be blood red and obsidian black, as similarly colored silk drapes and carpeting adorned the room with a ceiling made out of stained glass of the same colors mixed in with clear panes; backlit so that the room was awash in interesting mixes of the colors and natural light. A large fireplace was situated against the wall opposite the bed and it was formed entirely of black obsidian glass, a giant tiger skin rug with its mouth stuck in a silent roar was situated in front of the fireplace.
After getting a feel for the place, Xander turned towards the device that the men had brought into the room.
Walking around it again, Xander figured that if he wanted answers he was going to have to turn the crank on the device and see what happened.
Xander did just that, cranking the handle several times before jumping back as the device started to hum; you never knew with a Heterodyne device if, or when, it was going to explode.
The device came to life, the humming sound was just the precursor as gauges twitched, electricity sparked inside of glass tubes, and a colored series of lights projected a life-sized figure onto the floor in front of the device's giant funnel.
The image showed a man who stood about six feet six inches tall, only slightly taller than Xander's current height. Dressed in a black silk long-sleeved shirt, black leather pants, a darkly tanned complexion with a golden cross draped over his neck; the image looked like it was focusing right at Xander. The man seemed to turn its eyes on Xander, black eyes without any distinction of color focus on Xander as the man began to speak; the man's opening mouth revealing fangs.
Xander was startled for a second at the fangs, but focused on what the figure was saying.
"Hello Mein Heir." The figure began. "In my home country of Mechanicsburg I was known as 'The Black Heterodyne.' I do not know how you came to get this message, but I do know two things if you are here." The image declared, seeming to narrow its eyes in focus.
"One, if you are listening to this then you too have fallen prey to a dimensional rift and are not of this world. Two, either my latest invention was a success and I am finally home in Castle Heterodyne, or I am finally dead after all of these years of living the life of the undead."
With that, the figure paused and pulled a crystal goblet containing a viscous red fluid from off screen before taking a drink. The white teeth and fangs of the Black Heterodyne were clearly stained by what looked to be blood, before licking them clean with a long tongue and continuing to speak.
"I traveled through a portal of my design when I was attempting to work on a transportation technology that would take me immediately behind the defensive fortifications of the Wulfenbach family's castle. Prior accidents in seeking other means of transportation, namely to turn myself into a bat or a shadow to penetrate our enemies fortifications, led me to my undead state. Alas, do not fear for me that I was some terrible monster, for though all Heterodynes are monsters in one way or another, what with perverting the laws of nature and keeping control of our ever expanding territory, I cared as much as I was able for our minions in Mechanicsburg and later here in this new world." The image continued, now pacing about the room, but focusing his message to where Xander stood.
"Unfortunately, the type of portal that sent me here would not let me return intact to our former dimension. My last message from the other side politely asked me to cease cluttering up the dungeons with lifeless corpses or de-animated clanks. Alas, the portal that allowed matter to freely flow from that dimension to this, acted as a shield which neither I nor any other animated being could proceed through in a reverse direction, and live to tell about it." The Black Heterodyne stated, again pausing to take another drink.
Xander was fascinated by the information he was being given, so much so that as he took a seat on another chair in the room, he totally ignored the metal darts that shot out of the headrest, flew past his instinctual dodge and flew across the room and through the intangible hologram of the Black Heterodyne.
The figure in the hologram again licked its lips and continued speaking. "I came through the portal into what is now known as mainland Europe in the late 1400s. At first I didn't think to immediately return to Castle Heterodyne and Mechanicsburg, rather I was enjoying the lovely bloodshed of the last decades of the Hundred Years war and then bounced around as a mercenary and warlord throughout the next century. It wasn't until my travels took me to Transylvania that I began to think about creating an Heir to rule here in this world while I returned to rule in our original dimension. Alas, that is where the troubles began." The Black Heterodyne sighed and shook his head at the end of his statement, again sipping the blood from the goblet.
"I first tried to sire an heir by chosen consorts from the villages I ruled over. However, after much 'practice' and no resulting heirs, the tests that I performed upon myself proved that I was unable to sire children in the traditional method; which doesn't mean I stopped participating in that method." The image stated with a somewhat lewd smirk on his face.
"I next tried to reanimate my undead flesh through experimentation on that which was already in a necrotic state, and was able to enjoy many a moonlit night digging through graves for my test subjects; this is where I subsequently met the Igor family, and they have been ever an aide since that day. Alas, those experiments also failed, and all attempts were usually destroyed by mobs when the creature left the castle to go forth and play in the local towns." At this, the figure of The Black Heterodyne walked across the room and sat in a chair opposite of Xander; fortunately nothing flew out of the chair to impale Xander.
"This leads me to my third and final failure at procuring an Heir. I sought out the nature of my biological traits and attempted to change the being of a promising local noble boy named Vlad Dracul. Unfortunately the results were less than acceptable, as the boy grew he acquired several of the traits that I had long sought after in speed, strength and transportation, but was severely allergic to sunlight, fire, wooden stakes, garlic, beheading, and for some reason holy relics; as well as having delusions of grandeur as to believe he was the first 'vampire' and meant to rule the world rather than me. My last intelligence regarding the deluded lad was that he was staked in his coffin by a horde of peasants lead by an Englishman. I had planned on destroying him and his failed line of experimentation; however my current project to weaken the barrier between this dimension and the entrance in the crypts of Castle Heterodyne has my utmost focus." At this the image took on a maniacal look that can only come when a mad genius is totally absorbed in their work.
"I no longer seek an heir in this dimension. I now seek to defeat the problem that has hindered me since I came to this dimension, the breaching of the barrier back into the bowls of Castle Heterodyne and the return of my reign in Mechanicsburg." The madness clearly shown through the eyes of the hologram.
"I have created two nuclear powered carrying-case sized positron colliders which each emit a continuous undulating stream of protons from a wand-like aiming device. It is my plan to turn both devices to their full power, 500,000 MHz, and cross the proton streams to weaken the fabric of the gateway back to Castle Heterodyne; weaken enough to return through it alive that is. With any luck, this message will find you after I have returned home, while also leaving you a possible method to return to us at the castle." The Black Heterodyne then waved for a figure to join him in the projection area.
Xander was amazed to see a much younger looking Ian/Igor appear in the projection, and bow towards where Xander was sitting. 'Then again, Igor did mention that it had been 50 years since Dr. Hetdin, who I assume was his name for The Black Heterodyne, disappeared during a lab accident.' Xander thought to himself.
"As you are obviously not from this dimension, being that all of my current heirs were failures, I now give you everything I own, including my minions. This is the current Igor. The Igor's are our stewards and chief assistants in all things experimentation, empire management, and grave robbing. Either he or his descendant will assist you in all that you need, as well as help manage your minions while you are busy with your world domination or science. I ask that you not kill too many minions, as they have been subsequently bred over the years to be similar to the people of Mechanicsburg and are very helpful when you get the urge to take over the world or just want to create a little chaos." The image gave a fanged smile at the last, and the image of Igor bowed its way out of the holographic projection.
"Ultimately I give you everything I have here, for one reason or another I no longer need it. Only one of Heterodyne blood will be able to enter the house. Should I die in my attempt to return home, the chateau will expel all inside until such time as you have unlocked it." With that, the image began to fade away, and with a final wink at Xander, the image completed disappeared as the machine powered down.
Xander was silent, staring at where the projection had completed its tale. He had a lot to think about.
Xander spent the next hour with either his eyes closed, or staring at the ceiling as he thought about the latest situation that he found himself in, and the new complications in his life.
His memories from his Heterodyne half had known that The Black Heterodyne had a crypt sealed in the basement of Castle Heterodyne, and that the door to the crypt specifically stated, 'Do Not Open.' The rumors that he had heard about The Black Heterodyne matched the information that he had just been given; that the man was an undead tyrannical vampire. He knew from his memories that The Black Heterodyne had not succeeded in breaching the crypt door into Castle Heterodyne, and had not retaken the castle as the image suggested was the plan. However, for all Xander knew, The Black Heterodyne was still somewhere in the chateau, maybe dead, maybe undead. There was too little information, and it was too easy to make assumptions based off what limited information he had. If there was one thing that Xander was coming to hate, it was the unknown. Random things were always happening to him, and though this time it looked like a good thing to him, often times it came around to bite him in the ass.
'I just hope that I don't have an undead Heterodyne vampire come around and bite me in the ass this time.' Xander thought to himself.
Xander Hated vampires with a capital HATE. After vampires had killed his friend Jesse, forcing Xander to stake the animated corpse of his best friend to save somebody he despised, well, Xander had been on a crusade to wipe Vampires from existence; dead-boy and his underage love interest in Buffy was another reason why he had a sever dislike of the undead. If The Black Heterodyne was still alive, or at least undead, then Xander was going to do everything in his power to slay the former Master; town full of minions be damned.
The minions were another kink in his not so carefully laid out plans. Here was a town of full of people who were ready to support him 110%, ready to go that extra yard even if it killed them; after all, most minions of the Heterodynes knew they would be resurrected if they were valuable to their master. This new aspect to life here in this dimension would enable him to do so many new things, create so many new inventions that he hadn't had the resources for let alone the manpower. Sure he would have to provide for them, but he knew from his memories that without a master the minions tended to drift around aimlessly and weren't very good at taking care of themselves without some guidance; it was bred into their DNA.
'Don't forget the possibilities of the willing harem, can't forget the harem.' A little voice in the back of Xander head stated, for what teenage boy would forget the possibilities of their own harem.
'Yes, there are many benefits that would come with running this town.' A second voice mentioned in his head.
'But think of the all the work you would have to do, you wanted to be a hero. With great responsibility comes great power… or is it the other way around?' A third voice related. 'But anyway, if we run this town you know that we will really have to spend time running this town and have less time to do the hero thing. These people will be looking up to you, even if it is in their own twisted little way. Do you really want that added responsibility?' The third voice finished.
'Hello! Why are we even having this conversation? Harem people! Harem!' Shouted the first voice.
The voices quickly devolved into arguing in the back of Xander's head, several of them threatening violence to 'the voice of the little head' if he didn't stop yelling 'HAREM!' as his only addition to the argument.
Xander just shook his head, getting the little voices to finally shut up.
"First thing first, I deal with the possible undead Black Heterodyne, and then I see what it would take to run the town." Xander said under his breath as he got out of the chair and wandered over towards an armoire; hoping that his clothes may be inside of it.
Opening the door to the armoire, Xander had but a moment, and his body reacted instantly to duck under the crossbow bolt that would have hit him right between the eyes. Sure enough, his clothes were in the armoire.
'How the hell did the girls get my clothes in here if the booby trap was still set up?' Xander thought, as he divested himself of his robe and put on his previous pair of traveling jeans and tool belt, t-shirt and leather boots. He saw the Boom-stick propped up in the corner of the armoire, along with the shrink-ray; he decided to take the shrink-ray with him and leave the Boom-stick for now.
Xander stuck the shrink-ray in the back of his pants and made a mental note to create some sort of a holster for it, because he still really didn't want to shrink his buttocks if he tripped.
With that, Xander exited the room to look for Igor and to make sure that The Black Heterodyne was gone for good.
Xander wandered the halls for about fifteen minutes before he just gave up and yelled out for Igor. In those fifteen minutes of wandering the hallways Xander had jumped over two trapdoor pitfalls - one with spikes and the other a pit of tentacle monsters - dodged uncountable projectiles, three jets of acid, one compacting ceiling, four falling explosives, three animated suits of armor, two mechanical Rottweilers, and a suicide vest wearing partridge from a toxic pear tree. Enough was enough.
"Igor!" Xander yelled, not daring to move a muscle in fear of activating something else. In the background he swore he heard a feminine giggle.
"Yes sir?" Came Igor's voice from right behind Xander, causing Xander to jump.
The jump triggered a hidden crossbow which shot a bolt at Xander, Xander dodged, but then his eyes got big as he realized that the bolt that missed him had probably hit Igor. Expecting to see a dead Igor, Xander whipped his head around to see how injured the old man was.
Igor merely stared at Xander, absolutely unhurt and a crossbow bolt clutched in his hand; holding the bolt an inch from his chest.
Xander gulped, and breathed a sigh of relief that Igor was ok, but was still weary of the place around him.
"What's going on with this place? Why is it trying to kill me if I'm supposed to be its new master?" Xander stated nervously, eyes constantly darting about looking for the next attack.
"I'm sure that the chateau is just trying to get your attention. If she really wanted to kill you, I doubt she would be giving you a chance to talk to me." Igor stated matter of factly; a faint feminine laugh was heard to issue through the halls.
'I should have figured that this place would be alive just like the Castle Heterodyne.' Xander thought to himself, kicking himself mentally for not thinking faster; that type of mistake is what got people killed he reminded himself.
"Would you like to go meet her and get the peripheries out of the way, or would you prefer to see the master's lab first? Igor questioned, his face devoid of any emotion or hint at which way Xander should go.
All along the hallway, portals with weapons hidden behind them opened up and pointed at Xander, giving Xander a slight hint that maybe he should go meet the chateau first.
"I think I should go meet the chateau first." Xander stated while painting a smile on his face, taking the hint. The exposed defenses in the walls around him immediately hid themselves once again.
"You have chosen… wisely." Igor stated solemnly, as he turned to lead the way down the hall, and then through a series of doors, thoroughfares, portals, secret entrances and hallways.
Finally, after becoming sufficiently turned about, Igor opened two great double doors and presented Xander with the library.
Xander was in awe. Books, displays, and educational devices covered the walls and shelves of the large circular room that spanned five towering floors. The carpet was the same lovely blood red of the bedroom, but here it had gold accents that seemed to weave throughout the entire room, making their way towards the middle of the room; almost looking like golden veins pushing through the crimson red carpet. A giant domed glass and metal reinforced ceiling filtered in the natural light and lit the room, spotlighting a ten foot tall white marble statue of what must have been a gorgeous model. The statue was clearly the centerpiece of the library, as the light seemed to bathe it in a glow that reflected off of long gold-spun hair that simulated blonde hair and that draped over the statue. As with most things that Xander had seen in the chateau, it held an incredible beauty and sensuality yet also a bit of depravity as the statue had six arms, and though a pair of arms looked to be beckoning visitors into its lusty embrace, the other arms were equipped with three sharp looking swords and one large tome; making the statue take on the appearance of a mix of beauty, sensuality, knowledge, and viciousness.
Xander was captivated as he walked into the room and then paced around the statue to examine it from all angles.
"It's gorgeous." He stated as he walked around it.
"Why thank you." Replied a feminine voice. The head of the statue turned towards Xander as its arms smoothly flowed down into a more natural position; though the three weapon wielding arms went into what Xander recognized as attack positions.
Xander took a few quick steps back, seeming to blur with speed as he distanced himself from the statue; it coming to life hadn't been that surprising to him based on his memories of the Castle Heterodyne as well as his earlier experiences with the chateau.
Xander and the statue circled each other, neither letting the other get behind the other.
"I know the door recognized your blood as being of the Heterodyne line, but there was also the blood of other families' in there as well; families that were enemies of House Heterodyne the last I knew. Why should I let you rule here? Why shouldn't I kill you?" The statue stated with a sneer as it paced like a crouching tiger.
In reply Xander whipped out his shrink-ray and blurred in motion. His voice issued from behind the statue. "I could destroy you now and make another to control the chateau if I so chose, it is not for you to decide whether I die here or rule here." Xander stated seriously.
The statue didn't turn around. Rather, it slowly stood up, lowering its weapons as it did so.
Then Xander heard the sound of laughter.
"Very nicely played young Heterodyne." The statue said between chuckles as it slowly turned to face Xander. "You have passed all of my tests, and now we will just talk and get to know one another." The statue stated as it looked at him, cocking a head and looking Xander over.
Xander didn't lower the shrink-ray nor relax.
"Come come! Enough of this posturing. We've had our fun, now tell me about yourself. How are you related to the Heterodyne family?" The statue stated with a warm smile, sheathing all three of its weapons in invisible sheaths that were hidden by its gold-spun strands of hair and dropping the tome into a satchel that rested on its side.
At this, Xander semi relaxed and dropped the shrink-ray to his side.
"Well that's a bit of a complicated story. The easiest way to explain it would be to say that I'm the grandson of Agatha Heterodyne, Gilgamesh Wulfenbach, Othar Tryggvassen Gentleman Adventurer, and Castle Heterodyne; by way of Anthony and Jessica Harris." Xander looked away as he explained, a bit concerned on how much detail to give.
At the mention of his heraldry, the statute squealed like a little girl and rushed him. Due to being caught off guard, Xander didn't react in time and suddenly found himself being tightly hugged by all six arms of the towering statue.
"You're the Castle's grandson! That makes me your great Aunt!" The statue squealed in joy; clearly The Black Heterodyne had included a few maternal instincts in the animation of the chateau.
Xander liked feminine hugs just as much as the next guy, but being crushed against a stone and metal chest wasn't that enjoyable. Fortunately the hug only lasted for a second before the six arms held him up in the air at arm's length.
"Why just look at you, I can see some of the family resemblance, but you need to take better care of yourself deary." The statue stated. One of the arms released its hold on him and went to the statue's mouth where it licked its fingers and then proceeded to smooth down a strand of Xander's messed up hair before pinching his cheek.
Xander mentally grumbled to himself. 'Truly, great Aunts are all the same, whether they be human or animated architecture. Still, it beats her trying to kill me.' He finished talking.
"You look a little out of shape there Xander dear. We are going to have to make sure to get you lots of vegetables and exercise, and cut back on the sweets." The statue stated authoritatively.
Xander cringed, 'Maybe this isn't better than her trying to kill me.' He thought, but didn't say out loud.
The statue smiled and put Xander back down on the ground. The smile was infectious, and not the contagious kind like some of the chateau's other defenses, still Xander found himself smiling up at the tall statue.
"Well nephew, now that we've met I'll let you be on your way. I'm sure you have plans to concoct, minions to lead, and empires to conquer. Ah, it's good to have a Heterodyne back in the chateau. I'll start warming up the labs and the torture equipment." The statue stated wistfully as it retired to its place in the middle of the library and resumed its fully armed and stationary position.
Xander merely stood and stared at the statue for a few more seconds, before smiling to himself and shaking his head; life was never simple or normal around him.
Xander walked back towards the main door of the library, he had to go speak to a man about a vampire; and unfortunately that wasn't a euphemism for having to go to the bathroom.
Igor led Xander through the twists and turns of the chateau's dungeons which also doubled as much of the laboratory space for the chateau. Xander didn't want to dwell on thoughts of why the experiments were done where they had easy access to prison cells, as most of him abhorred the idea of torture; there was a little voice in the back of his head, however, that tempted him with the thoughts of the kind of things he could invent and create if he had access to living human specimens to tinker with. Xander tried to shake his head of those thoughts, but there was a slight nagging in the back of his head that he could succumb to, if the right situation presented itself.
Xander turned his focus away from his thoughts, and back to what Igor was telling him.
"And here we have the water caverns where the former Master created several of his tentacle monsters. Over there is the animation chamber where the Master stored his frank-en-stein equipment from Transylvania. The Master was so brilliant in its creation. Who would have guessed that the secret to animating dead flesh was a sausage and a mug of beer, the Master was quiet pleased when he could combine dinner with grave robbing." Igor educated Xander.
"In that room over there we have the Master's private mineral and spare parts stockpile, and here we are at the transportation nexus laboratory. After you sir." Igor stated with a bow towards the door.
Xander pulled out his shrink-ray, reached out and pushed on the door, only to get electrically blasted across the hallway and into the opposite wall.
Xander shook off the daze from the blow and the electricity, before yelling at the ceiling. "What the hell was that for! I thought you said you weren't trying to kill me anymore?"
"I'm sorry dear, but that door was controlled solely by the former Heterodyne. He set up the door so that anybody who bothered him would have to really want to disrupt him in order to be willing to interrupt." The feminine voice of the chateau issued from around him. "You're hair is a mess again dear, try to take better care of yourself please." It finished with a slightly condescending motherly tone.
Xander just grumbled to himself as he picked himself up off the ground and used his hands to smooth down his hair; getting electrocuted makes keeping your hair perfectly coifed difficult.
With that, Xander again readied his shrink-ray, and tentatively tapped the door with his foot.
Seeing as he wasn't electrocuted this time, Xander pushed the door open hard, bursting the lock off the door, and finding that nothing was waiting to jump out at him from the room.
Tentatively, Xander slowly pushed his way into the darkened lab.
"Damn, I should have brought a light." He cursed under his breath, trying to see into the darkness of the lab from the light that was issuing in from the hallway.
Gas lamps in the lab immediately flared to life. "You only had to ask dear." The voice of the chateau answered.
"Um, thank you." Xander replied a bit chagrined.
As the lights around the laboratory flared and illuminated the scene, Xander realized that he wouldn't have to worry about The Black Heterodyne becoming a problem.
The room was a mess of flipped over tables, twisted steel, bent and broken wires, and two charred backpack looking devices situated on tilted stands. Everything in the room had a sheen of carbon scoring on it, as if it had been charred by a red hot fire that carbonized the very molecules of air before quickly extinguishing itself due to a lack of oxygen. Crumpled against the back wall was a fanged skeleton, stripped of all flesh and clothes by what Xander assumed had been an incredible heat.
Whatever had killed The Black Heterodyne had been incredibly powerful, and no doubt very painful. Still, Xander felt a little awe at The Black Heterodyne's pain tolerance, as next to where the skeleton's hand rested was a scrawling in the ash strewn floor.
"Don't cross the streams…." The writing in the ashes trickled off to nothing at the end.
"Wow," Xander exclaimed as he looked around the room again and then back at the skeleton, "That's some pain threshold. He must have survived the blast long enough to write that warning out before finally dying."
Igor was standing in the doorway, head bowed towards the Skeleton.
Xander looked around a bit more, making sure to grab a charred heavily bound tome of what looked to be notes on the transportation technology.
Looking up, Xander addressed Igor, "I'm sorry Igor, but I'm going to have to dispose of his body. We can't have anybody resurrecting the body to cause us problems." Xander finished with a true statement, though his deeper concerns were that The Black Heterodyne would be resurrected somehow and usurp Xander's control of the population. Battles between Heterodyne family members for control of power usually ended up in a situation that was not conducive to both participants having a long life, or un-life in the case of The Black Heterodyne.
With that, Xander zapped the skeleton of The Black Heterodyne, effectively shrinking it down to five inches. Xander stomped on the skeleton, causing it to shatter into dust, and then carefully brushed all of the cremated skeletal dust into a pouch that Xander usually used for caring around small mechanical parts, nuts, bolts, duct tape, paper clips and chewing gum.
Looking up at Igor, Xander stated, "As soon as I get the transporter system up and running again, I'll make sure to send his ashes through to Castle Heterodyne. He might not be alive or even undead, but at least he will be home again."
Igor smiled and bowed to Xander in reply.
With that, Xander and Igor left the laboratory and the location of the final death of The Black Heterodyne.
The chateau turned out the lights, and the laboratory behind them returned to its locked and darkened state.
AN: So most of the things that Xander will deal with in this story are based on things from the DC universe, he is in that dimension after all. However, I thought this story needed a bit more of a blending with the Girl Genius universe. With that said, I introduce a possible back story on The Black Heterodyne. The Black Heterodyne is a pretty unknown character from the Girl Genius verse. The only real references we see regarding the character are that there is a crypt inside the bowels of the Castle Heterodyne, and the name on the door and a carving that says "Do Not Open!" Other details suggest that there is an undead vampiric heterodyne behind that crypt door, so I went with that idea and expanded it a bit. I hope you enjoyed the way that I weaved The Black Heterodyne into the historical lore of the DC verse, and I look forward to the opportunities that minions are going to give to Xander. I didn't want Xander's answer to every problem to be = Build a Robot. Now don't get me wrong, robot's definitely have their place and will continue to play a role just as they do in the DC universe and especially the Girl Genius verse. With that said, I dislike doing spoilers or giving too many of my inner thoughts away before I write a scene, so you will have to wait till the next chapter to see what happens. Cheers!