A/N: Below are the outfits worn in this chapter. Don't forget to remove the spaces.
Bella's Performance outfit: http : / i51 . tinypic . com / 15xr7tc . jpg
Bella's town outfit: http : / i55 . tinypic . com / 2pslgg0 . jpg
Tanya's town outfit: http : / i53 . tinypic . com / 9hp74i . jpg
Bella's New Dress & Red Heels: http : / i55 . tinypic . com / 2jf0x9z . jpg
Songs; Someone like you – Adele
Need – Hana Pestel
Songbird – Fleetwood Mac
Chapter Twenty Six – (From weeks to Months)
BPOV
one month later
My voice coaching lessons have become a lot of fun. Tanya usually tags along with me, but she's not here today because she has to work. Kate has been amazing – she really helps me when I'm struggling with hitting certain notes. She's also been helping me a lot with my set lists, along with my stage presence and what I should wear on stage.
We haven't really written a lot of songs like Tanya suggested, but I did write a song called I'll Be Waiting. It's about how horrible I feel for leaving Edward, and that I'll be waiting for him to love me again whenever he wants me back, that I'll do everything different and be better to him than what I was. That's if I ever get the chance to see him again.
Kate told me that it's great, and although it's a beautiful song, to try and dip into my feelings of when I was actually with Edward, to create some up beat and happy songs. That's how I came up with Off the Chain. Sometimes when I read over the lyrics it seems really sappy and silly, but Kate and Tanya both seem to really like it.
I practice the songs I'm going to sing tonight, I've learnt so much from her. I used to think I breathed properly when I sang, but it turned out I didn't.
These coaching lessons have made Kate and I fairly close. Tanya has finally gotten over her awkward feelings towards Kate as well, acting like nothing ever happened between them. My confidence level has also become a lot higher because of all the performances I've done. Alec and Felix are amazing on stage. Tanya kept her promise and played the piano while I sang and also got up and sang a song with me. Everyone loved her.
"Thank you so much for everything, Kate," I say as we head to the door.
"It's no problem at all, honey. You're very talented."
A blush forms on my cheeks at the compliment. No matter how many times people tell me I have a great voice or gush about how talented I am, I always get embarrassed.
"I'll see you tonight," she says before leaning in and hugging me. I return the gesture and give her a polite smile before walking out of the door and running out to my truck.
I wave at her before driving away.
I walk into my room to see that Tanya has laid out my outfit for tonight. A smile forms on my lips at the gesture. She knows me so well. I don't doubt I would have been freaking out like I did the first three times I performed. I could never find anything so Tanya has just been lending me her clothes to wear for my performance nights. I think her and I need to go shopping soon.
I have a quick shower before changing. The dress Tanya picked out is a spaghetti strap dress, the top of it black and shaped like the top part of a heart. The bodice is a cream color, a crisscrossed shape embroidered under the bust. There are black high heels with thick fabric that ties up around your ankle, laying next to the dress on my bed.
I put them on before heading back onto the bathroom to do my hair and make up. Kate liked that I was keeping my make up natural and not over done. She gave me a few tips to use for my eyes. I've chosen to go with smokey eyes tonight. I put on my light lipstick and apply the lip gloss over the top before going back into my room and hunting down a bag. I decide on a casual black rectangular shaped one that has a gold chain on it. I place my phone, powder make-up and lip gloss in the bag before grabbing my keys and heading out to my truck.
When I walk into the diner, I head straight to the back room. Garrett is in there eating his dinner. He looks up at me as I enter the room and smiles at me. I return the gesture before making a cup of tea.
"You ready to go tonight?" he asks.
"Sure am," I reply with a smile.
"The place has become so much busier since you started performing."
"I'm sure they aren't here just for me."
"Pretty sure they are," he says, a smirk on his face.
I roll my eyes at him before taking a sip of my tea. I lean up against the bench and bit my bottom lip.
"Well, I'm glad I can help then," I say quietly.
"What are you singing tonight, anyway?" he asks
"Someone Like You by Adele and Need by Hana Pestle."
"So a slow night, tonight?"
"Yeah, Kate's been nagging me to hurry up and sing that Adele song and Tanya has been at me about the Hana Pestle one, so…"
"Ah, I see," he says, chuckling quietly to himself.
"Mmmmhmm," I mumble as I take another sip of my tea.
"You're here!" Tanya exclaims as she walks into the room. I look over at her and give her a smile.
"Is it time to go?" I ask her.
"Yep."
I drink the rest of my tea before heading out to the diner with Tanya. Alec and Felix are already up on stage doing the sound check. They look over at us and I wave to them as I make my way towards the stage. They both smile at me as I walk up the stage stairs, Alec a little more enthusiastically than Felix.
"Hey guys," I greet them. When the crowd see's that I'm on stage, they all begin to cheer. I turn to them and give them a wave before turning back around.
"Hey, Bells. You ready to rock this joint?" Alec asks me.
"Well, it's gonna be a slow song night, so technically she won't be 'rocking the joint'," Tanya says sarcastically.
"Shut up, Tan. You smartass," Felix says through a laugh. She smiles at him before flipping him off and walking to the front of the stage. She places a water bottle on the ground next to the microphone stand.
"Hey guys! Are you ready to hear Bella sing?" she asks enthusiastically.
The crowd cheers and yell out a series of 'yes'. I shake my head as a laugh escapes me. I walk to the front of the stage and wrap my arm around Tanya's back. I plant a kiss on her cheek because there's no doubt James will be in the crowd. She returns the gesture before walking back and taking her spot at the piano. We both agreed that she would play while I sang Someone Like You.
She begins the melody and I look back at her, giving her a smile before turning back to the crowd. I sway from side to side slowly before placing my hand on the microphone and beginning the first verse.
"I heard, that you're settled down. That you, found a girl and your, married now," I sing softly, breaking up the last word and letting the notes linger. I continue with the second part of the first verse, making my voice a bit deeper than it usually is.
I take the microphone off the stand and walk the rest of the way to the front of the stage. I raise my arm in front of me then close my hand into a fist before bringing it back to my chest as I sing the rest of the verse.
I continue to sway side to side as I head into the bridge. I close my eyes, a soft smile is placed upon my face as I continue to sing. I take a deep breath before snapping my eyes open as I begin the chorus.
"Never mind, I'll find someone like you. I wish nothing but the best, for you too." I take another breath before continuing. "Don't forget me, I beg, I remember you said: "Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead," I sing, making my voice go higher on specific lyrics before repeating the line a second time in a softer tone.
I walk over to Tanya as I sing the second verse. I sit next to her on the piano bench, resting my arm across her shoulders as she plays. I see a smile form on her lips before I turn on the seat to face the audience. I lean my back against the side of her body for a few seconds before I lean forward and sway from side to side again and heading into the bridge.
"I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited. But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it. I'd hoped you'd see my face and that you'd be reminded that for me, it isn't over," I sing in a soft tone, making the last word linger. I continue straight into the chorus, resting my hand on my stomach as I take deep breaths and focus on my diaphragm so I can hit the high notes perfectly.
I turn away from the crowd and face Tanya again. She leans her head towards the microphone so she can sing the hook with me.
"Nothing compares, no worries or cares. Regret's and mistakes they're memories made. Who would have known how bittersweet, this. Would. Taste?" Tanya and I sing in unison, her voice softer than mine but matching it perfectly.
I stand up from the bench and walk to the front of the stage as I sing the chorus in a slower tempo, carrying the notes out longer than I usually do. Tanya matches the melody to my voice, making it sound amazing. I feel the smile form on my lips as I repeat the chorus a few times.
Everyone cheers and erupts into applause like they usually do after I perform. Tanya walks up and stands next to me. I look to her before speaking into the microphone.
"Thank you. Wasn't Tanya great on the piano?" I ask them. The crowd cheers again. She takes a bow before kissing me on the cheek again and walking off of the stage.
Somebody wolf whistles, causing me to laugh lightly.
"This next song I'll be playing the piano and singing. It's called Need by Hana Pestle and it's a very personal song to me, so forgive me if my voice wavers a few times."
I give them a smile before I head to the side of the stage.
"Hey, Felix?"
"Yeah, Bells?"
"Could you please come help me move the piano to the middle of the stage?" I ask, a smile on my face.
"Yeah, sure," he replies, returning my smile. He follows me on stage and helps move the piano. He waves to the crowd and pats me on the shoulder before going back to the side of the stage.
I connect the microphone to the piano before sitting down on the bench. I take a few deep breaths before pressing my hands to the keys. I bite my bottom lip as I focus on the keys, not wanting to screw it up. I haven't played this song for a while.
"I'm not quite sure how to breathe, without you here. I'm not quite sure, if I'm ready to say goodbye, to all we were," I sing softly. "Be with me, stay with me… Just for now. Let the time decide when I won't need yooou," I continue, making the notes linger.
I sway from side to side as i head into the chorus. I take breaths in between the right lyrics just like Kate taught me to. I focus on the keys as well, I was a bit rusty when I first played this for Kate but I practiced until it was perfect to perform tonight. I sing the second verse softly, eventually making my voice go higher and louder for certain notes in the verse. I begin the chorus for the second time – my voice becomes softer as my emotions begin to catch up with me. I finish off the chorus before heading into the hook.
"Etch this, into my brain for me. Tell me how it's supposed to be. Where everything will go, and how I'll be without you by my side." I hold the notes, slowing down the melody for the chorus this time around. "My hand searches for your hand, in a dark room. I can't find you, help me. Are you looking for me?"
As I repeat the chorus for the rest of the song all I can think about is Edward. This song relates to how I feel without him so much. If I didn't meet Tanya and Garrett, I'm not quite sure how I would have survived this long without him. Some days it got so hard to the extent that I couldn't breathe, but I am getting better now and my insecurities are starting to fade.
"La de hee, oooh, Laa dee hee oooh," I sing the last harmonizing notes of the song softly before I stop playing the piano.
I don't think I'll ever be able to leave Edward behind. I won't ever be able to say goodbye to everything we had and the way he made me feel. I take a deep breath before standing and heading back to the front of the stage.
"You were very quiet during that song," I say through a laugh. The crowd laughs before giving me another round of applause, causing a smile to form on my lips.
"Thank you all for your support," I add before curtsying and walking to the back of the stage and down the side steps.
"You were great!" Alec praises me.
"Thanks." I smile at him politely before looking around for Tanya. She's behind the bar and puts up the 'be back soon' sign before walking over to us.
"You were great!" she exclaims before enveloping me in a hug. "How are you? I know that song means a lot to you," she adds quietly so only I can hear.
I wrap my arms around her back and return her gesture before answering her. "I'm okay. Just missing him, like always," I say through a sigh.
She lets go of me, but keeps her hands on my shoulders and gives me an apologetic smile.
I smile back at her.
Tanya and I are on the dance floor with Alec and Felix later in the night. I excuse myself to go get an ice water from the bar. I regret it almost instantly as I notice James sitting a few people down from me. I try to go unnoticed, but I fail miserably because the next thing I know, he's right beside me.
"We meet again."
I quirk my brow at him, letting him know I'm not interested in a conversation with him.
"Where's your girlfriend?" he taunts. I roll my eyes and let out annoyed sigh before answering him.
"She's on the dance floor."
"Oh, so she is your girlfriend?" he asks curiously.
"Obviously…"
"I think you're lying. And I don't understand why, I could show you a good time," he says, leaning in closer to me.
"And I already told you, I'm not interested. I'm seventeen, you're what? Thirty?" I ask him, annoyance clear in my voice.
"Ouch," he says, placing his hand over his heart in mock hurt.
"Can you please just leave me alone?" I ask him exasperatedly. He narrows his eyes at me before leaning in closer.
"Are you always so unpleasant? I'm trying to be nice and you're being a bitch. You said that last song means a lot to you. Why is that? Is it because your boyfriend left you heart broken and you don't want to let go of him?"
"Excuse me? You know nothing about me."
"Or should I say girlfriend?" he says as though I never spoke before adding, "Since you're apparently dating that blonde. I bet she doesn't even like you. You aren't that special, you know? You're nothing but a stuck up little girl, who is going no where in life," he spits the words at me.
I feel the tears form in my eyes and wipe at them aggressively before getting my ice water and throwing it in his face.
"You're nothing but a creepy jerk," I hiss at him before walking away.
"You stupid little bitch. Who the fuck do you think you are?" he yells at me, grabbing a hold of my wrist and spinning me back around to face him.
My eyes go wide at the scene he's making. He raises his hand and I automatically flinch away from him, remembering that look of anger in his eyes from when Charlie acted this way towards me.
"What's going on here?" I hear Garrett yell in a stern voice.
"Nothing. I was just putting this bitch in her place."
"What did you just say?" Tanya asks as she walks up to us, her voice filled with rage.
"Oh, Jesus Christ, not you again," James groans.
"Are you okay, babe?" she asks me softly before placing her arm around my shoulders and pulling me into her side. I automatically relax into her touch.
"You can stop with the act. I know you aren't really together," James says smugly.
"You don't know fucking shit, asshole," Tanya says angrily.
"Well, you have rug-muncher written all over you, but she doesn't," he taunts her. My eyes go wide with shock at what he just said to her.
"What the fuck did you just call me?" she yells at him before releasing me and lunging for him.
He takes a step back and booms with laughter. Cocky bastard.
"I think you should leave," Garrett says firmly.
"What? Are you an old boyfriend or something?" James taunts him.
"No," Garrett says pointedly.
"Of course not. You're probably too old for the little virgin too," he says sarcastically, speaking over Garrett.
"She's my fucking sister," he adds icily.
James' eyes go wide and he goes to take a step back, but Garrett is too fast for him. He lunges forward and slams his fist into James' face. I hear the crack of his nose as blood spurts out everywhere. Garrett pulls out his phone and dials a number.
"Are you and Alec still here? Okay, good. Can you come to the left side of the bar; I need you to throw someone out for me. Yeah. Thanks, Felix."
He hangs up the phone and looks down at James knocked out on the ground. He must have hit him pretty hard. I stand there in shock as Felix and Alec come rushing over. Alec's eyes go wide with shock as he takes in my expression. I'm not sure what he sees, but it mustn't be good. He composes himself before helping Felix grab James by the arms and dragging him away.
Once they're gone, Garrett glances at me before closing the distance between us and wrapping his arms around me. I don't know what brings it on, but as soon as I wrap my arms around him, I feel the tears stream from my eyes as the sobs begin to escape my chest. He rubs my back soothingly as Tanya rubs my arm.
"Thank you," I say quietly, a hiccup escaping me afterwards.
"I'll always look out for you, Bells. You're like the little sister I never had," he replies quietly. I smile against his chest before pulling away and wiping the tears away from my eyes.
"Come on, let's get home," Tanya says quietly before taking my hand in hers and leading us out to my truck.
She insists on being the one to drive back to the apartment. As soon as we get home, I change into my pajamas and crawl into bed. Tanya climbs into my bed and scoots in close to me. She tucks the hair hanging in front of my face behind my ear.
"What are you doing?" I mumble.
"I'm not leaving you alone after that," she says quietly.
I let out a relieved sigh before closing my eyes and letting sleep overtake me.
The next morning Garrett calls up Tanya and suggests that we all go to the beach. We wear the same thing we wore to the beach last time and meet Garret, Kate, Alec and Felix at Hermosa Beach.
Kate brought the food this time and Alec and Felix brought the drinks. Tanya and I made up a fruit salad and brought a bunch of towels.
Tanya and I were attacking each other in the water. Felix and Alec eventually joined us. Felix picked up Tanya and threw her into the water. She got straight back up and then ran after him and pounced on top of his back until they fell into the water. To strangers, they probably look like a couple, but Felix and Tanya are more like siblings; they have known each other for years.
I look over to Alec to see he has an odd look in his eyes. I quirk my brow at him, causing a sly smile to form on his lips. He begins to walk towards me and my eyes go wide as I realize what he's going to do.
"Don't you even dare," I warn him, causing his smile to turn into a full blown grin. I turn around and run down the beach away from him. He must be a fast runner because it doesn't take long to catch up to me. I stop abruptly before running back in the direction I came from. I begin to laugh as he chases after me.
"Get back here!" he yells,
And because gravity hates my sorry ass, I fall over my own feet and plummet to the ground, causing me to laugh hysterically. He picks up my feet and begins to drag me into the water.
"Ahhh, stop!" I squeal.
"Nevaaaaaaarrrrr!" he says triumphantly.
A small wave crashes on top of me and I roll onto my stomach before leaning on my knees. I stand up and run towards him. He turns to run away, but I do a Tanya and jump on top of his back. He laughs hysterically before wrapping his hands around my legs and running around with me on his back. He lets go of my legs and I slide down his back. I turn to run away from him, but he wraps his arms around my waist and pulls me against his chest. I bend forward as I try to get away from him – also because my stomach hurts from laughing so much.
He's a pretty strong person because he picks me up and throws me over his shoulder.
"Let me down, you ogre!" I yell through my laughs as I kick my legs around and pound on his back. He ends up tripping over and we both fall to the ground. I stand up straight away and splash him in the face.
"I can't believe you called me an ogre!" he exclaims.
"Well, you are," I say through a laugh before putting my hand out to him. He places his hand in mine and I help him to his feet.
"Last time I checked I wasn't a fat oaf. And I don't live in a swamp," he jokes with a grin on his face.
I shake my head at him, a smile forming on my lips. He throws his arm across my shoulders as we make our way back up to everyone on the beach.
"What are we all doing tomorrow night?" Felix asks, later on in the day.
"Uh, we don't have anything planned," Garrett says nonchalantly before looking over at Tanya and I, "What about you two?" he asks.
"We're free," Tanya replies.
"Cool. We should all go out to a club or something," Felix says.
"But Tanya and I aren't the legal age," I say confused.
"Really, Bella. You are seriously such a grandma sometimes. It's called a fake I.D, sweetheart," Tanya says sarcastically, pulling out her ID from her wallet and shoving it in my face. I slap her hand away before narrowing my eyes at her.
"Get out of my face, woman," I complain.
"I can organize a fake I.D for you, Bella. I just need a photo of you," Alec says quietly.
"Oh, okay. Cool. Thanks," I reply, giving him a polite smile.
"Here's a photo of Bella and I when we got bored one night and dressed up and packed on our make up," Tanya says before handing the photo to Alec.
"Tanya! Jesus Christ, why do you have them printed out?" I scold her.
"Oh, calm down. You look hot," she says through a laugh. "Yay! This is going to be so fun!" she adds excitedly.
I roll my eyes at her before shaking my head in amusement. Looks like we're getting our party on tomorrow night.
Tonight I decide to wear a white singlet and a black frilly high waist skirt. I wear black heels with black leg warmers over the top. I wear my hair out with loose waves. Tanya is wearing a really sexy tight black dress that has slits all along the arm sleeves and also up her left thigh. She also wears her hair out, with curls In the ends.
Tanya and I meet Garrett and Kate at the Diner. As we wait for Alec and Felix, Tanya and Kate talk nonstop about how excited they are to take me out and to see me unwind. They seem to think there's a monstrous party animal inside of me. I'm a bit scared to find that out actually. I glance over at Garrett. He rolls his eyes at Tanya and Kate and gives me a reassuring smile.
Alec and Felix are all smiles when they arrive. Tanya screams with excitement and begins to jump up and down. Maybe I shouldn't have let her have that bottle of wine before we left… Alec smiles at me as he hands me my fake ID. I smile at him in return before looking down at the rectangle shaped card. Tanya's right, I do look a lot older when I dress up. I wanted to kill her tonight when she insisted I had to dress the way I was on my ID. I feel like I've been hit with Homer Simpson's paint gun.
"Alright, let's rock this party!" Tanya booms excitedly before linking her arm with mine and leading us outside.
We catch a bus into Hermosa Beach and then walk to a club called Zen Lounge. My heart begins to race as we make our way to the front door. Alec rests his hand on my back, silently telling me to calm down and breathe. I hand the bouncer my ID and smile at him sweetly as he looks me over. He returns my smile before handing it back to me and stamping my wrist. When we walk through the doors, its half way through the song Back Seat by New Boy. Tanya turns to me and grins before grabbing mine and Kate's arms, dragging us onto the dance floor. My lips turn up into a grin.
We bop back and forth and side to side. I haven't really danced before, because I'm pretty much a hazard to myself and have the worst coordination on earth, but for some reason, tonight I'm really feeling the music. I sway my hips and whip my head around, causing my hair to go flying and wrap around my face. I run my hands through my hair to put it back in place. Kate and I lean on each other a few times as we dance. Tanya is looking at me with a grin on her face. She indicates with her index finger to walk over to her. I make my way over to her, swaying my hips. She grabs my hand and spins me around so her back is against my chest. We dance to the beat, she bops back and forth while leaning her head back and resting it on my shoulder. I grab Tanya's hands and spin her around so I have my back to her this time. I sway my hips from side to side as I make my way down her body to the ground, doing a quick dip and then bouncing back up. She looks at me, her expression filled with shock before a shit eating grin spreads across her face and she laughs.
The boys come over after the song changes. Kate turns around and dances with Garrett, her hands around his neck as they sway their hips together very sexually, it almost make me blush. I look over to see Felix and Tanya dancing together. Again, people on the outside would think they're a couple with the way they're dancing with each other, but it just puts a smile on my face to see them having so much fun.
I don't know how long we're all dancing for, but all I know is that Tanya has fed me about five drinks in a Martini glass and I feel like I'm on top of the world. When I look around, it dawns on me that Alec hasn't been out here with us this whole time. I glance to my right to see him standing back, watching us closely. I give him a smile as I walk over to him.
"Why aren't you dancing?" I ask him
"Not much of a dancer," he says through a light laugh.
"I'm sorry, but have you met me? I'm the biggest accident prone klutz on this earth. If I can dance, you can too," I tell him before taking a hold of his hand and leading him onto the dance floor.
The songs changes to Party Rock Anthem by LMFAO, which makes me squeal with excitement. I keep my hand entwined with Alec's as I dance. He just stands there not knowing what to do, so I move closer to him and place my hands on his shoulders, shaking them from side to side, trying to loosen him up. I place my hands on hips and do the same with him. He eventually gets the hang of it, and I can't help the smile that forms on my lips. I move my feet to the beat as I sway my hips. I place my arm on his shoulder as I whip my head from side to side.
He places his hands on my hips and pulls me close to him so our bodies are flush against each other. I can't help feel the blush that rushes into my cheeks at our close proximity. I place my other arm on his shoulder as we continue to dance. Alec doesn't take his eyes off mine as the song begins to repeat the line "get up." My heart begins to race as I see the look of determination in his eyes. Just before the song repeats the chorus, Alec smashes his lips to mine. Too many things happen at once. I automatically close my eyes from the contact and kiss him back. Alec runs his hands up my back and into my hair and before I know it, I get a million flashbacks of when Edward and I used to kiss each other like this, causing my to abruptly pull away from him. I can't help but touch my lips as the shock overwhelms me.
I turn on my heel and run off into the female bathroom. Tanya and Kate come barging in not long after me. I begin to pace back and forth while I hyperventilate.
"Whoa, what the hell brought that on?" Tanya asks shocked.
"I don't know… I feel sick," I say as I lean back against the wall and slide down to the ground.
"It's alright, you just need to breath," Kate says reassuringly.
"Oh god, what did I just do? Why did I do that? I love Edward!" I ask confused, swaying from side to side.
"It's alright, honey. We'll just explain that to Alec," Tanya says worried, crouching down in front of me.
"Oh no, poor Alec! I'm the most horrible person on this earth!" I exclaim before sobbing hysterically.
"No sweetie, it's alright. Calm down. I think you've just had a bit too much to drink…" Tanya says, rubbing my arm soothingly, trying to calm me down.
"How much did you give her?" Kate asks horrified.
"Uhh, I don't know. I lost count," Tanya mumbles.
"My toes are tingly and I feel like I'm floating in the sky," I say intrigued.
"Oh, dear," Kate says through a laugh.
"You know what I want?" I ask seriously.
"What's that?" Tanya replies.
"A Penguin. They're sooo cuteee," I say through a giggle.
"Okay, I think I need to get you some water," Kate says through a laugh.
"Then can I have a Penguin?" I ask excitedly.
"Sure, you can," Tanya says before laughing.
"Why are you laughing at me? That's not very nice," I mumble.
"Because you're cute." She says, tapping her index finger on my nose and standing up.
"Oh shucks, don't make me blush," I reply before laughing hysterically.
"Alright, lets get you cleaned up and then we can go get some water," Kate says as her and Tanya pull me to my feet.
Tanya wipes my eyes with some paper towel and then reapplies some powder foundation to my face. They both link their arms through mine and lead me back into the club. As soon as I see Alec, I look away, filled with shame. We go to the bar and get a large water for each of us. Kate and Tanya lead us to a table so we can sit down. I drink my water slowly, resting my head on the table. An hour passes and my head finally feels a bit clearer.
"Can we go somewhere else?" I ask Tanya.
"Yeah. I'm in the mood for a lower key pub or something," she replies.
"I'll go get the boys," Kate says before standing and walking away. She returns with the boys around five minutes later.
We leave the club and head down the street, looking for somewhere else to go. We come across a pub called Waterman's Restaurant Bar. We show our IDs before walking inside and sitting at a booth. Tanya goes and gets drinks for everyone and hands me water. For that, I'm grateful. Tanya slips away for a few minutes, she returns with a sly smile on her lips, which just makes me suspicious. Half an hour passes by the time I know what she was up to.
I take another drink of my water when the lady up on stage says it's time to start the karaoke part of the night and then calls out my name, causing me to spit my water out everywhere.
"What?" I ask, coughing as I choke on the rest my drink.
"You're up, honey," says the lady. I look over to her.
"But I didn't put my name in…" I say horrified.
"I did," Tanya says, a smug smile plastered on her face. I immediately look over at her and narrow my eyes at her.
"Why?" I ask incredulously.
"You sing at our bar, why not sing at karaoke?" she says nonchalantly.
"We don't have all night, honey," the lady says impatiently.
"You. Are. A. Troll," I say to Tanya before standing and going up on stage.
I flick through the choices and decide on Songbird by Fleetwood Mac.
I pull a stool onto the stage and sit down as the piano plays. I take a deep breath before singing.
"For you, there will be no more crying. For you-oo-oo, the sun will be shining and I feel that when I'm with you, it's alright. I know its right," I close my eyes and sway back and forth slowly as I carry on singing. All of my memories with Edward playing in the back of my mind.
I open my eyes as I sing the harmonizing notes. My eyes lock with Alec's for a split second before I look away from him. I hope he doesn't think this song is about him. I don't know what I'm going to do about this situation I'm in. I like Alec a lot, but only as a friend. I don't know why I kissed him back; I don't want to blame it on the alcohol, but I know it was a main part of why it happened. I was just wrapped up in the heat of the moment. I close my eyes again as I begin to sing again.
"And I wish you all the love in the world. But most of all, I wish it from myself," I sing softly.
All my emotions take over me as I focus on the lyrics. I keep my eyes closed because I don't want to leave all the memories in my head. I feel a small smile turn up at the corner of my lips as I remember mine and Edward's first date, our first kiss, the first time we went further in our physical relationship. God, I miss him so much.
"And I love you, I love you, I love you. Like never before," I sing, my voice sounding raspy from the words getting stuck in my throat.
"Like never before," I repeat the line as a lone tear falls down my cheek.
I take a deep breath when the track ends. The small amount of people who are in the bar clap enthusiastically. I give them a polite smile before putting the stool back before heading back down to the booth with my friends. Tanya and Felix go up on stage to sing a duet together. Kate and Garrett excuse themselves to go to the bar. Alec and I are left by ourselves.
"Bella, are you okay? I'm really sorry about what happened at Zen," he says quietly. I meet his gaze and smile at him sheepishly.
"I should be the one who's sorry. I didn't meant to freak out. The alcohol just went to my head and I was shocked and –"
"Whoa. Slow down, it's okay." He smiles at me before reaching over and placing his hand on top of mine. I pull my hand out of his slowly and fold my arms on top of the table.
"Alec… You're a really nice guy."
"Oh, no," he says through a laugh.
"What?" I ask.
"When a girl says that to you, it's never a good thing," he tells me, a soft smile on his face. I give him an apologetic smile before speaking again.
"I'm sorry. You're a great guy, you're funny and smart. You're great to talk to, I'm just… I'm already in love with someone else from back home. And my head is all over the place. Don't get me wrong, I do really like you, but only as a friend," I reply quietly. I glance over at him and he gives me a polite smile.
"Hey, it's alright. You're a beautiful girl. And I'm happy to have you just as a friend."
"I'm sorry if I led you on or anything,"I mumble.
"Seriously, I understand. Don't sweat it, Bells," he says, reaching over and patting my arm lightly before gracing me with a reassuring smile. I can't help but let out a sigh of relief and smile at him thankfully.
We spend a few more hours at the pub. Kate gets up and sings a few songs. They try to get me back on stage, but I refuse to get back up there. I have a few more drinks, and by the time we decide to leave, I'm very tipsy again.
Tanya and I decide to get a bus back to the house. We say our goodbyes and I hug Alec, apologizing again for being so retarded.
When Tanya and I arrive back home, it feels like a mission to walk up the stairs in these heels.
"Ergh, my feet feel like they have a sack of potatoes tied to them," Tanya groans.
"A sack of potatoes? What?" I ask through a laugh, "Do you reckon the neighbors will mind if we just crash on the stairs?" I ask, causing her to laugh.
"There is no way in hell I'm sleeping on these stairs," she says seriously.
"Man, I wish The Wizarding World of Harry Potter was real. I'd give anything to be able to just apparate to my room right now," I mumble.
"I don't think that'd be such a good idea in the state we're in, we'd probably loose an arm or a leg!" She replies before laughing again.
We end up making our way to our door. I continue to laugh hysterically as Tanya tries to get the key in the lock. Some of the neighbors get annoyed and yell at us to shut up, which just ends up making Tanya yell back at them and in turn, makes me bend over clutching my stomach as I try to catch my breath. I feel the tears from my laughter fall down my face as we finally get inside the apartment.
"I'm sleeping in your room tonight," Tanya says matter-of-factly.
"What? Why?" I ask confused.
"Because it's closer and I can't be fucked trekking it to my room," she says seriously.
"You are such a baby," I reply through a laugh.
"Whatevs. My precious feet are in so much pain!" she complains.
I shake my head at her as we make our way down to my room. I run into my bathroom to have the first shower which results in Tanya yelling curses at me about her needing the hot water as soon as possible to sooth her poor feet. Once I'm done in the shower, I get changed into my pajamas in the bathroom. When I walk out of the bathroom, Tanya charges at me with a huge grin on her face and then pushes me onto the bed before running into the bathroom.
"Jesus Christ, you're a fucking behemoth!" I call out to her.
"You love it!" she yells back.
"Yeah, I just love getting run at and then shoved onto my bed," I mumble.
"Don't deny ittttt," she says in a sing song voice.
"Whatever loser, just hurry up and shower. I'm exhausted!" I call out to her.
I hear her cackling like a witch in the bathroom before she turns on the water. I'm already in bed by the time she emerges 20 minutes later. I swear she takes the longest showers on planet earth. She throws her towel over my desk chair before collapsing onto my bed.
"So, how did the talk with Alec go?"
"Fine," I reply quietly.
"Just fine?" she asks sincerely.
"Yeah. He understands. He's happy to just be friends."
"I told you he'd be fine. Alec is a good guy," she replies before a yawn escapes her.
"Yeah, he is."
"Ergh, my head is pounding already. I am not looking forward to tomorrow morning."
"Me either," I reply through a sigh.
"Do you still want that Penguin?" she asks through a laugh. I pick up my pillow and bash her with it.
"If you tell anyone about that, I will destroy you," I groan.
"You are such a dork," she snickers before hitting me with her pillow.
I narrow my eyes at her just as a yawn escapes me, which causes Tanya to catch it.
"I'm going to sleep. Night," I say before rolling over and closing my eyes.
I feel Tanya plant a kiss on the back of my head before exhaustion overtakes me.
The next morning, Tanya and I wake up hung-over. I don't remember half of what happened last night, so I highly doubt Tanya does because she was a lot more drunk than I was. Or so I thought.
"So, do you still wish The Wizarding World of Harry Potter was real?" she asks.
"Excuse me?" I ask confused.
"Last night you kept going on about wishing the Wizarding world was real so you could apparate everywhere instead of walking," she tells me through a laugh.
"Oh my god, how do you even remember that?" I groan, horrified.
Tanya laughs before getting out of bed and leaving my room. She comes back in a few minutes later with two cups of coffee and Advil on a tray. She brings it over and sits back in bed. I take my coffee from her and throw back the pills.
"I am never drinking again," I mumble as I blow on my coffee.
"Yeah, that's what I always say. I never sticks, unfortunately." She leans back against the headboard and lets out a deep sigh as she closes her eyes. I sit beside her quietly and close my eyes as well. That is until I feel her gaze burning into my face. I open one eye and glance over at her.
"What?" I ask through a sigh.
"Do you remember what happened between you and Alec?" she asks quietly.
"Unfortunately," I reply in a mumble.
"Are you okay?" she asks concerned. "You were pretty distraught," she adds.
"Yeah, I'm okay. It just made me feel like I was betraying Edward. I still love him, I don't want to be with anyone else," I reply quietly.
"Why did you leave then?" she asks seriously.
"We've already been through this, Tan…" I tell her through a sigh.
"Look, I get you were confused and scared, but don't you think what you did is kind of hypocritical? You pretty much did what your mom did to you… You left Edward without any explanation at all…"
"I know. I know that, but I can't change the past, Tanya," I say quietly.
"You know I love you, B, but I'm sick of seeing you so hurt and broken down. I know you've gotten better, but can you imagine how Edward feels? He's probably hurting a lot, especially since he told you he loved you and then you just ran away. I mean, I don't want to make you feel horrible, but did you ever think about the aftermath on his part?" she asks, her voice quiet.
"My mother abandoned me, Tanya. And my father treated me like shit, he taunted me and said horrible things to me all the time, and I ended up believing everything he said. I felt like I was worth nothing, that I wasn't good enough for anyone and everyone was just going to end up leaving me because I'm such a horrible person." I glance over at her to see that she's waiting for me to finish speaking. I take a deep breath before continuing, "Charlie treated me like a slave and maid service rather than treating me like his daughter. He's a drunk and eventually ended up physically abusing me. All I've experienced is loss and pain…" I close my eyes as I begin to feel the tears forming in my eyes. I take a deep breath and let it out slowly. "When I finally let Edward in, and he said similar words to me that my mother said before she abandoned me, I thought the worst and got scared. I honestly thought Edward was going to wake up one day and end up leaving me, so I left him. My trust in people was at an all time low."
"You can't keep using your parents as an excuse, B. I know they broke you down pretty bad, but because of that you should have realized that you running away was just going to cause Edward to feel like you do. And if your trust in people was so low,then why did you move in with me as soon as you met me? That seems a bit hypocritical."
"I know that now, okay? I know that what I did was wrong and I know that what I did was hypocritical. I feel horrible about it all. Is that what you want to hear? That I'm a selfish, horrible person. I'm an idiot and I shouldn't have left Forks?" I ask her exasperatedly, my voice filled with hurt. "And I moved in with you because you were amazing to me. You didn't even know me and you offered to take me under your wing, you offered me a job and everything. I had no where else to go. People do irrational things when they're desperate. And I really needed a friend at that time," I add softly.
"I didn't mean to make you feel bad. I'm just trying to help you," she says before resting her hand on top of mine, giving me an apologetic smile and continuing. "You may only be seventeen, but that doesn't mean you're a child. You need to face the facts and take responsibility for your actions. And everyone makes mistakes, hell, I've made plenty. But all you're doing right now is delaying your healing process because you aren't facing your issues. You're hiding, not healing. I think maybe you should write to Edward. Make that first step in dealing with your mistakes. Apologize to him and let him know how bad you feel, tell him you're okay now. He's probably worried sick about you."
"I highly doubt that, he probably hates me now. I don't blame him if he does. And I don't know if writing to him is a very good idea. It'll probably just hurt him more. What am I meant to say? 'Hey, Edward. Sorry I was such an insensitive bitch and left you like that, but I'm a lot better now,'" I say sarcastically.
"Don't be stupid. A simple real apology will be enough. Just explain what you were feeling at the time. And I don't think he hates you. He's probably just very hurt by what you did."
"I can't do that in a letter, Tanya. That's just as heartless. If I'm going to explain everything to him, it has to be in person. And I highly doubt he wants to see me now."
"God, will you stop being so negative? Just write him the damn letter. Just apologize and keep it simple, it's not that hard, Bella," she says, her voice clear with impatience. I bite my bottom lip before nodding my head at her.
"Okay," I reply quietly.
"Look, I'm gonna go have a shower. How about we have a lazy day filled with watching DVDs and drinking tea like old grannies?" she asks, humorously.
"Sounds great," I reply honestly. She smiles at me before walking out of my room and down the hall.
I'm not gonna lie, my emotions do get the best of me sometimes. I still have those horrible days where I feel like I'm fading away into nothing. Sometimes it get's so bad, it's like I can't feel anymore, like I've gone completely numb. When I'm alone and have my thoughts rushing through my head, it feels like everything is crashing down on me all at once. What I used to have, everything I've ever lost, all the mistakes I've made, hurting all the people I care about. All my insecurities come rushing back, it's like I'm in some kind of fight with myself and all my negative thoughts making me feel like if I even try to stay positive and get my life back on track, everything will just crash back down on me. Most days I can't handle the pain and I just lay in bed all day reliving my memories in my mind. I try so hard not to let myself cry because I know if I cry that first tear I won't be able to stop them.
Not a day goes by where I don't miss Edward. Every day I hope that it will get better and that Tanya would just lie to me and tell me I don't need him, I don't even think that would help me though. If I didn't need him then why does it feel like I've been punched through the chest sometimes? I know I was the one who left him because of my stupid fears and insecurities. When he told me he loved me, all I could think about was how my mother said those similar words to me before abandoning me. I didn't want to fall into that trap again. I honestly believe he would have ended up breaking my heart and leaving me just like my mother did. But now I know that I was wrong.
Tanya and Kate have been helping me a lot, even sometimes Garrett. They're always getting me to talk about everything that's ever bothered me or made me feel the way I do. Tanya, especially. She's always giving me pep talks, telling me I have to push through it and stand through the pain when everything starts feeling like it's falling to pieces and because of that, my trust level in people has improved a lot. I love everyone I've become friends with here, and I wouldn't change it for anything. But when I left Forks, my trust in people was at an all time low. Don't get me wrong, I trusted Edward to a certain extent, but I just couldn't reach that barrier where I trusted him a hundred percent. But I can honestly say that I trust Tanya and Garrett with my life. I know they would never do anything to hurt me and they will always be there for me. I've become happy and I'm finally doing okay.
I let out a frustrated sigh before gathering a pad of paper and a pen. It takes me about half an hour to write the letter until I'm happy with it. Which is a good thing I guess considering Tanya takes the longest showers in the fricking universe, so she doesn't come back in to find me still trying to write the damn thing. I hunt down an envelope and place the letter inside. I put the letter with the pile of mail that needs to be posted this week.
I have a shower, letting the hot water relax my tensed up muscles. Once I'm finished, I change into a pair of black tights with a grey jumper with flower print on it. Just as I sit back down on my bed, Tanya walks into my room with a bunch of DVDs and places them on my bed.
"I'll be right back," she says, picking up the tray she bought in earlier and walking back out of the room.
As I put the first DVD into the player, (which is Beauty and The Beast. Yes, I am obsessed with Disney movies. Don't judge.) Tanya returns with the same tray which holds two cup of tea's on top of it. I take mine gratefully before sitting back down on my bed.
After watching Beauty and The Beast, we watch A Cinderella Story and then The Lion King. We stay in bed, watching movies all day, not taking a break until having something to eat or one of us needs to go to the bathroom. When night falls, we both have quick showers before crawling back into bed and watching more movies. When The Hangover ends, Tanya jumps up and puts Moulin Rogue in the player.
It begins to be difficult for me to keep my eyes open. I eventually fall asleep to the background music in the movie.
On Tuesday, I still feel like death.
I crawl out of bed to have a hot soothing shower before work. Once I'm done, I get dressed quickly and don't even bother to put on any make up. I throw my hair up into a messy bun before grabbing my house and car keys and heading out the door.
I haven't driven my truck for a while, so when I turn the key in the ignition, I almost jump out of my skin because of how loud it is. When I arrive at work, I park my truck then close my eyes and rub my temples. How can I still feel like shit two nights after going out? I hate life.
I head straight into the back room and make myself an extremely strong coffee. As I wait for the kettle to boil, I put my belongings in my locker. I continue to stand there, not wanting to close it because I know it's going to sound like a gunshot when I do. I close my eyes and close it as quietly as I can before leaning back against it.
The kettle whistles and I groan in annoyance. How can something sound so loud? I make my coffee before heading back out and setting up the tables.
"Your head still hurting, drunkie?" Garrett teases after I walk behind the front desk.
"Shut up," I mumble before narrowing my eyes at him and flipping him off.
"You were pretty amusing. I never knew you could move the way you were that night."
"What are you talking about?" I ask suspiciously.
"The way you were dancing was pretty provocative," he says before winking at me.
"Oh my god," I groan in embarrassment, covering my face with me hands.
"Awww, embarrassed, are we?" he asks before walking over to me and laying his arm across my shoulders, pulling me into his side. I jab my elbow into his ribs before stepping out of his embrace and continuing to set everything else up.
Work goes by pretty quickly. I almost lost my shit at the kids that kept banging their god damn cutlery on the table, chanting 'where's my dinner?' Garrett could see that I was going to end up attacking them, so he told me to head off early. Thank god.
By the time I trek my way up the apartment stairs, I'm exhausted and just want to go to bed. I have a quick shower before walking into the kitchen and making myself a cup of tea. Tanya walks through the door not long after, so I make her one too.
"Hey, babe. How was work?" she asks politely.
"I almost strangled two children today."
"Oh. So not good then?" she asks through a laugh.
"How is it possible that my head still feels like there is a marching band inside of it?" I ask, frustrated.
"Well, I'm guessing that was the first time you ever drank that much. You were pretty wasted," she says sympathetically.
"Yeah, well, I'm never doing that again," I mumble quietly.
"That's what they all say," she jokes.
"I made you a cuppa," I tell her. She smiles at me gratefully before sitting down on one of the stools as I lean against the kitchen bench.
"What did you get up to today?" I ask.
"Just hung out with Felix and Alec," she says nonchalantly. My body tenses at the mention of Alec and she notices. "He's fine about what happened, by the way."
"What?" I ask, feigning confusion.
"Alec," she says pointedly.
"Oh. Well, that's good then. I'm just gonna go to bed. I'm so tired," I reply quietly.
"Mmhmmm," she says skeptically, raising her brow. I roll my eyes at her before kissing her on the cheek and going down to my room.
I change into my pajamas and climb into bed, exhaustion overtaking me as soon as my head hits the pillow.
"Wake up, sleepy heeeead!" Tanya says in a sing song voice before jumping on top of me on my bed.
"Must you always smother me when you wake me up?" I groan in annoyance.
"Yep," she says through a laugh before rolling off of me. "We're going shopping with Kate today," she adds excitedly.
"Erghh, I forgot about that," I reply, my voice muffled by my sheets. "Do I have to go?" I complain.
"Don't be such a party pooper. Hurry up and get dressed, she'll be here soon," she says before pulling the blankets off me and walking out of my room.
I groan in frustration before dragging myself out of bed. I have a deliberately long shower, causing Tanya to bang on my bathroom door, telling me to hurry up. I step out of the shower and dry myself quickly. I put on a pair of dark blue Levi's, a white singlet and a black jumper with the Eiffel tower that looks like it's inside a photo frame with the words 'Paris Sous Le Clair De Lune' printed above it. I slip on my black and white Converse. I grab my keys and phone, placing them in a small handbag before meeting Tanya and Kate in the living room. I glare at Tanya before turning to Kate and smiling at her politely.
"I swear, you take fucking forever to get ready," Tanya complains.
"I swear, you're the most impatient person on planet earth," I reply, my voice sweet.
"Alrighty then, let's get going," Kate interrupts before turning on her heel and walking out of the apartment. Tanya and I follow behind her.
We go to Park Pacific Shopping center at Hermosa Beach. Tanya is on a mission to find a new pair of heels and new dress, which I do not understand at all. I mean, just because it's hot in California, doesn't mean it doesn't get freezing cold sometimes, especially when the season we're in is winter. She must be insane.
"Bella, seriously. If you don't buy a pair of heels today, I may have to hurt you," she says seriously. We ended up stopping at Starbucks. I roll my eyes at her before blowing on my coffee.
"Why do I need a pair of heels when I can just borrow yours?"
"Every girl needs a pair of statement shoes. Preferably red," she says matter-of-factly.
"Just give in, Bella. She'll just continue to nag you. Trust me, I know from experience," Kate says through a laugh.
"Fine," I mumble into my coffee cup.
"Yessssss!" Tanya celebrates, banging her hand on the table cheerfully.
We continue to drink our coffees before we head into the mall. We look in every single clothes store that is inside until Tanya finally finds a dress. And that isn't an understatement; Tanya made us go inside every store.
Once Tanya was happy about finding her outfit, she turned her mission onto me and helping me find the perfect dress and pair of heels. We finally find a pair of sparkly red high heels and a black dress with the pattern and colors of a peacock on it. A thick black piece of material runs around the waist of it, a silver, blue and gold sparkly broach connected to it.
Once we were done shopping, we headed back to Kate's to wind down. We all had a cup of tea and relaxed in the living room.
"Bella?" Kate addresses me.
"Yeah?"
"Are you avoiding Alec?" she asks quietly.
I let out a sigh before answering her. "I know it's mean, but I don't know what to do."
"Just talk to him," she says softly.
"Wait – I thought you guys already talked. Why are you avoiding him?" Tanya asks confused.
"Because I'm embarrassed about the whole thing, and I feel horrible," I reply quietly.
"I already told you he said he's fine about it."
"I know, but that doesn't stop me from feeling like I lead him on," I mumble.
"He didn't know about Edward. If he did, he wouldn't have kissed you," Kate says softly, placing her hand on top of mine. I look up at her and she gives me a reassuring smile.
"Alright, I'll talk to him," I reply through a sigh.
Tanya, Kate and I continue to talk about our night out, laughing hysterically as we each fill in the parts one of us didn't remember. When Tanya tells Kate about my Harry Potter reference, she cracks up. I swear, she sounds like a hyena when she looses control of her laughter, which causes me and Tanya to go into hysterics as well.
Tanya and I head home just after 9:30pm. When we get home, I hang up my new dress and put my shoes at the bottom of the closet. I have a quick shower because I already had one in the morning. I change into my pajamas and head into the living room. Tanya is sitting on one of the kitchen stools, drinking a cup of tea. She looks over at me when I sit beside her. She smiles at me politely before spinning her body around to face me front on. I do the same.
"Try not to worry too much about the Alec situation – he isn't a bad guy."
"I know," I reply quietly before meeting her eyes. A yawn escapes my lips.
"I think it's time for bed," she says through a light laugh. A smile forms on my lips before I laugh too.
"Night," I say before hopping off my stool and kissing her on the cheek.
I crawl into bed and lay there for a while, my mind running a million miles an hour. My mind drifts to Edward. What happened between Alec and I made me realize how much I really miss him. I let out a sigh filled with sadness before rolling over into the fetal position.
I eventually fall asleep, my thoughts filled of Edward.
Hey everyone! This chapter a month after Bella has been in Cali with Tanya. Hope you all enjoy it. A HUGE THANK YOU TO MY BETA JENNDUR, she beta'd this AND chapter 27 VERY fast. She is seriously amazing xx
Thank you to everyone who has added this story to their alerts and favourites. And thanks to everyone who has been reviewing. I recently got a review that opened my eyes a lot about where my story was heading, and it helped me a lot. I am now very happy about my timeline and where the story is going. So to that person, thank you. You know who you are xx
natalee-x