Edward's outfit at hospital: http : / i52 . tinypic . com / 34obk3m . jpg (remove the spaces)
Chapter Twenty Seven – (When the Time Is Right)
EPOV
one month later
When I first hung out with Jake, I was going back to his to hit up the coke, but by the time we got back to his house and he pulled it out, all the memories of when I used to use came rushing back into my mind. How fucked up I was, how disappointed Esme and Carlisle were, how angry Carlisle was with me and how scared for me Alice, Jazz, Rose and Em were. I couldn't do that to them again. I may be in a fucked up place right now, but I'm not that fucked up that I'd turn to drugs again.
"Are you okay, man? You look like you've seen a ghost," he asks, concerned.
"Yeah, I'm fine. I'm just, not really keen to do it anymore. Sorry," I mumble.
"Dude, you did not just apologize for not wanting to do coke."
"Shut up."
"I told you before – I'm not gonna pressure you into doing anything if you don't want to do it," he says seriously.
"Right-o."
"You idiot," he says through a laugh.
"Fuck you." I say before flipping him off.
"Yo, dude. Are you still there?" Jake asks, snapping me out of the memory.
"Sorry, what?"
"I was just saying, I still can't believe your dad gave you back your car keys."
"Oh right, yeah."
Carlisle eventually gave me back my keys to the Volvo after I apologized to him and promised I'd never do what I did ever again. He admitted he'd rather me be able to drive somewhere than me storm out of the house again and walk along the streets where I could end up getting hit by a car.
"I thought he was your uncle?" Lauren asks.
"He is."
"Wait, what?" Jake asks confused. I roll my eyes at him before answering.
"Technically he's my Uncle, but he legally adopted me when I was younger after my mom died, so I guess he's my dad… On paper, or whatever. Why are we even talking about this? Who cares?" I mumble annoyed.
"No need to get snippy, we were only curious," Lauren replies defensively.
"Yeah, well, it's none of your business anyway, is it?" I scold her.
"Do you always have to be such a prick towards me?" she asks, annoyance clear in her voice.
"Calm down, babe," Jacob says, rubbing her arm before looking back at me. "Sorry about your mom, man. I know how you feel," he adds.
"Thanks," I reply quietly.
I can feel Lauren's gaze scorching into my face, so I meet her eyes. She smiles at me slyly before seductively licking her lips and winking at me. I inwardly cringe before narrowing my eyes at her and then quirking my brow. I cannot believe she's silently hitting on me in front of Jacob while she's sitting in his lap.
"God, you are the most disgusting girl on the earth," I groan, frustrated.
"Woah, man. Don't talk to my girl like that," Jacob says.
"Yeah, Edward, don't be an asshole," Lauren taunts in a sickly sweet tone.
"An asshole. Me? You're the pathetic bitch who keeps pinning after my cock behind his back."
"What?" Jacob asks, his voice filled with shock and anger.
"He's totally lying," she replies nonchalantly.
"No, he's not," Jessica pipes up.
"Jessica!" Lauren shrieks at her.
"What? Jacob is nice, he doesn't deserve to be treated the way you treat him behind his back. You've been after Edward since he moved here, and you tried pouncing on him the minute you knew Bella wasn't coming back – Oh. Sorry, Edward," she cuts herself off, looking at me with an apologetic expression on her face. I give her an appreciative smile which makes her visibly relax.
"You are such a dog," Lauren says to Jessica, her tone icy.
"Get out," Jacob says, his voice thick with rage.
"Excuse me?" she asks, shocked.
"You heard me. I'm nobody's second choice and I'm sure as hell not gonna be fucking used. Now get the fuck out of my house."
"You are such a prick. No wonder Bella wanted nothing to do with you," she says to me as she climbs out of Jacob's lap.
"Will you just shut up and fuck off?" I yell at her.
Her eyes go wide with shock before she narrows them at me. She looks over to Jessica and if it's even possible her eyes narrow even more. She looks like she wants to murder Jessica right then and there and I'm actually scared for her safety.
"Don't ever think about talking to me ever again," she says to Jessica, her tone harsh.
Jessica leans further into the seat, as though she wants it to swallow her whole. Lauren storms out of the room, slamming the door on her way out.
"Well fuck, it looks like I'm walking home then," Jessica mumbles quietly.
"I can give you a lift," I tell her.
"Really? Thanks," she replies quietly.
"She is seriously fucked up. I can't believe that," Jacob says through a frustrated sigh.
"I'm sorry, I should have said something earlier," she mumbles quietly.
"It's not your fault, Jess. Don't stress it," Jake reassures her.
"Thanks, Jake," she says relieved.
Jess and Jake continue to talk with each other while my mind wanders. I'm seriously so fucking sick of Lauren and her bullshit. She always manages to bring Bella up every time I fucking speak to her, which just irks me to no end. I need to find something to get my mind of shit. And I seriously need money so I can escape this prison of a town sometimes.
"Man, I need a fucking job," I complain.
"Random much?" Jess says through a laugh.
"Yeah, well. I was just thinking about it."
"I know you're feeling pretty shitty right now, so why don't you work at the hospital? Be a big brother for the sick kids that are fatherless or have no siblings. It's difficult to focus on your own problems when you're helping sick kids in need," she says passionately.
"Are they even hiring? And don't you need qualifications for that kind of thing?" I ask confused.
"No, I don't think you need qualifications to do it. You just get a police background check on you, I think? Your uncle is the chief doctor, isn't he? Ask him about it."
"Oh, okay. Yeah, he is. I'll ask him."
"And if that doesn't work, my dad owns the hospital, so he's kind of your uncle's boss, anyway. I'll put in a good word for you too, if you want?" she asks.
"Really? That would be fucking perfect, Jess. Thanks."
"It's no problem at all. Seriously, think of it as an apology for being such a bitch with Lauren," she says seriously.
"Consider yourself forgiven," I reply, giving her a genuine smile for the first time since I've met her.
Tuesday is the first day back at school. As soon as I get there, I'm called to the principal's office. I make my way down the hall to the front office.
"You can go straight in, Edward. He's ready to see you," Mrs. Cope tells me kindly.
"Thanks," I mumble before walking down to Mr. Greene's office. I knock lightly on the door and he calls out for me to come in. I walk inside and sit in the leather seat across from his table. What principal has leather seats in their office?
"Hello, Edward. How were your holidays?" he asks politely.
"They were okay, Sir. How were yours?" I reply politely.
"They were fantastic, thank you. Now, I assume you know why you're here?"
"Yeah."
"Then I also assume you know that you're being suspended from school for a month," he says nonchalantly.
"A month. Isn't that a bit long?" I ask shocked.
"You could have seriously hurt Mr. Crowley."
"But he started it!" I say exasperatedly.
"Now, now, we aren't in kindergarten."
"No. I'm heading into my senior year; I can't get suspended for a month. How long is he getting suspended for?"
"You should have thought about that before you decided to act like a pair of animals from the jungle in the cafeteria," he says sternly before as adding, "And Tyler is suspended for the same amount of time you are."
"Right," I mumble.
"I've called your father to let him know what's going on."
"Great," I sigh.
"Well, he seemed to already know about the fight, Edward. I'm sorry it had to come to this. You're free to go now," he says kindly. I nod my head at him before standing and walking out of his office.
I head down the hall to my locker. As I turn the corner, I see Jessica standing at her locker by herself, looking a little scared. She looks up as I continue to walk down the hall. She smiles at me politely before walking up to me.
"Thanks again for the ride home yesterday," she says quietly.
"No problem," I reply, smiling at her kindly.
"I spoke to my dad. He said the hospital needs more Big Brother volunteers for the sick kids and he's willing to give you a shot."
"Really? That's awesome. Thanks, Jess."
"You're welcome. He wants you to start tomorrow though, or maybe he just wants you to go in and get acquainted first," she replies quietly.
"That's alright. Hey, are you okay?" I ask concerned.
"Yeah, just had a run in with Lauren. She pretty much said to never expect anything from her ever again, and that I can't sit with her, Mike and Tyler anymore… So I've practically lost all of my friends," she mumbles sadly.
"You don't need her, seriously. And Tyler is suspended, so he won't be sitting with them anyway. You can sit with my family."
"I'm pretty sure they hate me. Hang on, why is Tyler suspended?" she asks suspiciously.
"Uhh, because of our fight in the cafeteria before the holidays. I am, too."
"Well, I can't sit with your family if you aren't gonna be there," she says through a sad sigh.
"Don't worry, Em and Jazz will look after you."
"It's not them I'm worried about," she mumbles.
"If you just apologize to Alice, she'll forgive you. But she'll tell if you're being genuine or not…"
"Okay. Thanks, Edward," she replies quietly. I smile at her politely before she turns around and walks away.
I walk the rest of the way to my locker, emptying my books into my bag. I text Em, Jazz, Alice and Rose, telling them to expect Jessica to sit with them at lunch and not to be a bitch to her because if they do, I will fuck their shit up. As I expected, Em and Jazz are fine about it, Rose is pissed off and said 'Don't expect me to talk to her, if I can't be a bitch to her.' Then I got bombarded by a million texts from Alice and her suspicions as to why Jessica needs to sit with them, and why I'm not going to be there. I replied by saying, 'just be fucking nice to her and I'll explain everything when you get home.'
As soon as I walk through the front door, I hear Carlisle call out, "Edward, can you please come into my office."
I make my way to his office and walk in hesitantly. He raises his brow at me and gestures for me to sit down. I sit down in the chair across from his desk and wait for him to speak.
"So, I got an interesting call today."
"Can we not beat around the bush?" I ask pointedly. He raises his brow before speaking again.
"You and I both know I already know what happened before school ended, and I told Mr. Greene that, but he still wanted to suspend you."
"No shit," I mumble. He gives me a pointed look causing me to roll my eyes at him.
"It's also come to my attention that you've been hanging out with Jacob Black a lot. I know his reputation, and I hope you aren't getting back into that kind of crowed again… You've had problems with drugs in the past, they aren't good for you, son. I'd hate to see you throw everything away because you're involved yourself with drugs again," he says concerned..
"I know that, I've heard a million lectures you've given about how bad drugs are for you and that's why I'm not doing it… Just because Jake does it in my presence, doesn't mean I'm doing it too. And I'm not throwing my life away. I've got a job being a Big Brother for the sick kids in the hospital. Jessica's dad owns the hospital, so she put in a good word for me when I said I wanted a job."
"Wow. That's great, Edward. I'm glad to see you focusing on helping other people. At least you'll have something to do while you're suspended."
"Um, I still have to do school work."
"I know that, Edward," he replies through a chuckle. "You said Jessica. Is that Jessica Stanley? Wasn't she horrible to Bella?" he asks confused.
"Yeah. But she was hanging with the wrong crowd. She isn't friends with Lauren anymore, and she feels bad about being a bitch… She's not that bad actually," I tell him honestly.
"Wait – so you're telling me you haven't touched any drugs at all since you've been hanging out with Jacob Black? Because I'd hate to see you in that state again, and it would hurt Esme a lot."
"Yes. I'm telling you I haven't touched anything. He isn't as bad as everyone thinks he is. He isn't pressuring me to do anything… And Esme is the closest thing I have to a mother now, I wouldn't disappoint her like that. Or you," I reply quietly.
"Well I'm glad to hear that. I'm happy you're getting your life on track. I just want you to know you can come to me or Esme about anything. I know everything that's happened with Bella lately hasn't helped anything –"
"Carlisle, I'm fine. She kept to herself and never told me anything," I say, cutting him off.
"Now, don't be like that. From what you told me in the beginning, her mother seemed to be a soft topic for her? Don't go making assumptions until you know the whole story, son."
"How am I meant to know the whole story when I can't even get in contact with her and don't know where she is?" I mumble.
"Life is all about timing, Edward. The unreachable becomes reachable, the unavailable becomes available, the unattainable... Attainable. Have the patience, and wait it out. You'll have the answers you want when the time is right."
Who does he think he is? The wizard of wisdom?
"Right. Well, thanks for the pep talk. I'm going to bed," I tell him as I raise up out of my seat.
"Edward –"
"Seriously, Dad. I'm fine," I groan. I glance over at Carlisle as I realize what I just said. His expression is filled with pleasant shock, the corners of his lips turning up into a smile. He nods his head at me and I take that moment to get out of there.
I don't normally call Carlisle 'Dad' unless I get frustrated or overwhelmed. I think maybe I should call him it more often. I mean, it seems to make him happy. I know he'd never ever try to replace my dad, but I never really knew my father anyway. Carlisle has always been the father figure in my life, so I don't see why I should feel weird about calling him Dad.
As soon as Alice get's home, I hear her running up the stairs before she bolts through my door. I let out an annoyed sigh before explaining everything that happened at Jacob's with Lauren and Jessica. I explain how she outed Lauren to Jacob, and how she told me how bad she feels about being mean to Bella and I. Thankfully for me, Alice seemed happy with my explanation and agreed to look after Jessica while I wasn't at school. She also promised she'd make Rosalie come around and get to be nice to Jessica as well. God, love her.
I wake up to the sound of my alarm clock blasting. I groan as I roll over and turn it off before throwing it to the ground. I don't need to get up ridiculously early anymore because I'm suspended, and Jessica said her dad didn't want me at the hospital until after lunch.
"Stupid piece of shit," I mumble before rolling over and going back to sleep.
I wake up at 10am. I drag myself out of bed and head for the shower, letting the hot water wake me up. Once I'm done in the shower, I change into a pair of black jeans and navy blue polo shirt with my black leather jacket. I head downstairs and make some toast for breakfast. Carlisle has already gone to the hospital and Esme is out meeting some of her clients. I put my toast on a plate and take it into the lounge room. I watch the morning cartoons while I eat my toast to pass the time.
By the time twelve comes around, I'm beyond bored. Fuck it, I'll just go in now. I grab my keys and head out the front to my car, locking up the house on my way out. I turn on the radio before pulling out onto the main road. I pull into the hospital parking lot – I usually park my car next to Carlisle's, which usually pissed a lot of people off. But I want to avoid that today, so I park in the normal lot.
Carlisle is in the front area when I walk through the doors.
"Is Mr. Stanley in yet?" I ask as I approach him.
"Yeah, he is. I thought you weren't coming in until after lunch?"
"I got bored," I confess. He rolls his eyes at me before walking around the front desk and picking up the phone.
"Hi, William. My son, Edward Cullen, is here to see you. Yes, okay. Alright, I'll bring him up."
I look at him expectantly and don't move until he speaks.
"He was impressed you came in early."
"Really?" I ask proudly.
"Yes. I'll take you up now, come on," he replies before walking a head of me.
When we step inside the elevator, Carlisle presses the number five. I guess Mr. Stanley's office is on the 5th floor. When we reach the floor, Carlisle leads me down the hallway to the third last door on the left. He knocks on it lightly before walking in. I follow behind him, my nerves suddenly overtaking me.
"Carlisle, good to see you," Mr. Stanley greets him before looking to me. "You must be Edward," he adds, smiling at me politely before extending his hand. I take his hand in mine and shake it firmly.
"Nice to meet you, Sir," I greet him politely.
"Likewise. My daughter has told me a lot about you. I must say, I'm very grateful for you looking after her. I never did like that Lauren friend of hers," he says nonchalantly, his brows knitting together when he mentions Lauren.
"It's no problem at all, Sir."
"Please, call me Will."
"Well, I'll leave you two to it. I've got patients to see," Carlisle says, smiling kindly at Will and patting me on the back before walking out.
"So what made you want to be a Big Brother for some of the kids?" Will asks curiously.
"Jess actually suggested I do it. I've been going through a pretty rough time this past month and she said I should take my mind off it by helping sick kids," I tell him honestly.
"That's my girl, always thinking of others," he says proudly.
"I'm extremely grateful for this, Sir. Really. I'm in a bit of trouble with school at the moment and I'm not proud of it, so I'm glad you're giving me a chance."
"An honest man, I like it," he jokes before walking back behind his desk and opening his drawer. He pulls out a few files and walks back over to me.
"These are a few of the children that need a Big Brother. I'm warning you now, there are burn victims, children with cancer, and children who have been abused by their parents."
"Oh. That's horrible," I reply sadly.
"Yes, well, they need some fun in their life, so that's what this program is about. We'll need to do a police background check on you of course, and if that clears, you'll visit some of the kids in the hospital. You'll eventually be expected to take them out on excursions and such."
"My brother and sister were abused before Carlisle and Esme adopted them, so I know all about that situation."
"I'm sorry to hear that, but that's good because you'll know what you'll be dealing with. A lot of these kids need something good to look forward too, they need a friend and someone they can trust and confide in."
"Sounds great," I say enthusiastically.
"Okay, well, I've got a few things to do so I'll leave you in here to look over some of the files. I'll be back in a few hours," he says, handing me the files before clapping his hand on my back and walking away.
"Alright. Thanks, Sir."
He turns around with an amused smile on his face. "Edward. Call me Will," he says through a light chuckle. I give him an apologetic smile before he opens the door and walks out.
I walk over and sit down in the seat across from his desk to look over the files. There are five files I have to look through, and I only have to pick two children to be a Big Brother to. I feel bad for having to only pick two children, but the two that stick out to me the most are a young red headed girl named Victoria and a young blonde haired boy named Riley. Victoria is ten years old. She was in a house fire and got burned pretty severely. Her father passed away in the fire and her mother is now suffering depression because of it. Riley is six years old and is a victim of child abuse. His mother died when he was five, that's when his father began to physically abuse him.
Will comes back into his office just as I place the other files on his desk.
"So have you looked through them?"
"Yeah, I've got my two," I reply happily.
"Oh really? Which children?"
"A girl, Victoria and a boy, Riley."
"Oh, don't let Vicki hear you call her Victoria, she'll try to beat you up," he says through a chuckle.
"Do you know all the kids?" I ask intrigued.
"Of course I do, Edward. I finance the Big Brother program," he replies kindly.
"That's really great of you."
"Thank you. I do the best I can." He smiles at me politely before picking up the other files and placing them back in his drawer. "Okay, lucky for you Vicki and Riley are only two wards apart, so we don't have to travel throughout the entire hospital," he adds through a chuckle.
He picks up their files and walks out of his office. I follow close behind him, closing his door on the way out. We head for the elevator, he presses the number three and I can't help but wonder who I'll be meeting first.
"We'll be seeing Riley first," he says, answering my silent question. Is he a mind reader or some shit? That was fucking creepy.
The elevator doors open when we arrive at the third floor. He turns left and walks down the hall. Everyone greets him cheerfully, some kids are walking around the ward and he stops to greet them and ask them how they are. He truly is a kind hearted man. He stops walking when we arrive at room 24/E, so I'm guessing this is our stop. I swallow the lump that has formed in my throat before taking a deep breath. He opens the door and we walk inside.
Riley is sitting in his bed, watching TV. He reminds me so much of Jasper.
"Hello Riley, how are you this morning?" Will asks cheerfully.
"Fine," Riley replies quietly.
"This is Edward, he's a part of the Big Brother program."
"Hi Riley, it's nice to meet you," I greet him kindly.
"You picked me to be your little brother?" he asks confused.
"I sure did. I hope that's okay?" I ask him as I sit in the chair next to his bed.
"Why?" he asks, his voice quiet and vulnerable.
"Why do I hope its okay, or why did I pick you?" I ask him attentively.
"Why did you pick me?"
"Because you remind me of my big brother."
"What's his name?" He asks curiously.
"Jasper."
"Was he hurt by his daddy too?" he asks sadly.
"He was, unfortunately," I tell him honestly.
"Does your daddy hurt you too or does he only hurt Jasper?"
"My daddy is in heaven. But the daddy Jasper has now is my uncle. He doesn't hurt him, it was his old daddy that did it," I reassure him.
"What does that mean?" he asks, confused.
"Well. Jasper has a twin sister, Rose. They ran away from their parents, and then my Aunt Esme found them in a homeless shelter. She and my Uncle Carlisle adopted Jasper and Rose."
"Is he nice?"
"You might have met him, Riley. He works here. His name is Dr. Cullen," Will says.
"I know Dr. Cullen! He's really nice," Riley says enthusiastically.
"Well, there you go," I say through a light laugh.
"I'm sorry to steal Edward away from you, Riley, but he needs to go meet someone else now," says Will.
"You'll come back, right?" Riley asks hopefully.
"Absolutely. I promise," I reassure him, which causes his lips to from into a huge grin. I stand up and walk over to his bed. I hold out my hand to him and he takes it, shaking it eagerly.
"Bye, Riley. I'll see you soon." I smile at him before walking out of the room with Will.
"You were great with him," Will praise's me.
"Thanks."
We head back to the elevator, this time Will presses the number two. It doesn't take long to arrive. We turn right instead of left and head down the hall. Will greets the children the same as he did on the ward Riley was on. He continues to stop and talk to them and ask how they are. I notice that a lot of the children have scars on their arms and face. This must be the burn ward. Will stops at the room 12/C and walks inside. Vicki is sitting on the bench next to the window, reading a book. She looks up as we make our way towards her.
"Hi, Vicki. How are you today?" Will greets her.
"I'm good, Will. How are you?" she asks, her manners in full tact.
"I'm excellent, thank you, sweetheart. This is my friend, Edward. He's a part of the Big Brother program," her face automatically lights up into a grin as soon as those words leave his lips.
"Hi Vicki. It's nice to meet you," I greet her kindly.
"He told you not to call me Victoria, didn't he?" she asks through a giggle.
"Busted," I reply through a laugh.
"That's good, because I hate being called by my full name," she says seriously.
"You remind me of a friend of mine," I state sadly.
"Was your friend a girl? Was she your girlfriend?" she asks suspiciously.
"Yes, she was."
"She isn't anymore? What happened?" she asks, fascinated. Man, this little girl is wise beyond her years and overly perceptive. Damn it.
"Uh, she moved away, but that's not why I'm here. I'm here to see you."
"So you're gonna be my big brother, huh?" she asks, amused.
"Sure am. If that's okay with you."
"I've been waiting for ages to get out of this hospital, so it's more than okay. Are you sure my burns won't freak you out?" she mumbles quietly.
"Of course they wont," I reply, giving her a reassuring smile and receiving one back from her. She stands up off of the seat and walks over to me. She indicates with her finger for me to bend down to her level so she can whisper in my ear.
"Do you think they'll let us dye my hair?" she asks, her voice extremely quiet.
"Why do you want to dye your hair?" I ask, puzzled.
"You aren't meant to say that out loud after I whisper it to you!" she complains before going back to her seat.
"Oops, sorry," I say through a chuckle. "But seriously, why do you want to dye it?" I add.
"Because it's red," she replies as though it's the most obvious thing on earth.
"I like the color of your hair. I think it suits you beautifully," I tell her honestly.
"Really?" she asks suspiciously.
"Really," I reply with a smile on my face.
"Victoria, you can't dye your hair," Will says, emphasizing her full name.
"Don't call me that!" she exclaims, annoyance clear in her voice.
"Sorry," he says with a sly smile on his face. "We have to go now, sweetheart."
"Already?" she whines.
"I'll be back soon. I promise," I reassure her.
"Okay," she sulks before focusing all of her attention back on her book.
When Will and I head back down to the first ward, he leaves me with Vicki and Riley's files. He tells me he'll give me a call about the next time I should come in. He said he's glad I decided to become apart of the program because there haven't been many volunteers lately, and the fact that I was great with Riley today means that I was meant to do this, which really touched me. I'll have to thank Jessica again for suggesting I do this. I met Carlisle at the front desk and let him know how everything went. He's happy I chose Riley because he knows his case fairly well. He laughed when I told him how Riley reacted when I told him Carlisle was my uncle.
When I look up at the clock, I see that it's after 3:30pm. I tell Carlisle I'll see him at home and then I'm on my way.
When I walk through the front door I glance at the clock on my phone, It says that it's after 4:00pm. On the way home,I stopped at the grocery store on the way home to grab some pop tarts, because Emmett, being the fat oaf he is, ate the last packet to himself and didn't replace them. I walk into the kitchen and cook them, having them as a late lunch. Man, they are so good. Whoever invented chocolate pop tarts deserves a gold medal. Once I'm finished eating, I head up to my room to watch some movies. I settle for Transformers.
Alice comes into my room after Transformers finishes and just as I'm about to put Iron Man into the DVD player. I quirk my brow at her as soon as I take in her demeanor.
"Hey, Edward," she greets me in a quiet voice.
"What's wrong?" I ask suspiciously.
"Why do you think something's wrong?"
"Because I know you, so I know when something is bothering you. Spill it," I say as I walk over to her and make her sit down on the edge of my bed with me. She takes a deep breath before reaching into her pocket and pulling out an envelope.
"It's from Bella," she says quietly.
"What?" I ask shocked. She proceeds to hold the envelope right in front of my face until I take it from her.
"Do you want me to leave?" she asks uncertainty.
"No." I swallow the lump that's formed in my throat before placing my hand over hers. "Stay. Please?" I add before removing my hand off hers and opening the letter.
To my dearest Edward,
I know you probably thought you'd never hear from me. Let me just start out by saying how so, so extremely sorry I am for leaving the way I did. I know now that what I did was wrong and I should have explained to you what I was feeling and what I was going through. I'm sorry for disconnecting my number. I was confused and scared and I didn't know what else to do. I had a lot of insecurities and fears, but I'm a lot better now. I just want you to know that I'm safe, and I'm okay. I know I have a lot to explain, but I don't want to do that in a letter. Hopefully I'll see you again one day so I can explain in person. Even though I know I deserve it, I hope you don't hate me. Please know that I do love you. I always did and I always will. I really am sorry.
Love always, Bella x
"Wow." Alice says shocked.
"I need water," I say before standing up and walking out of my room, Alice hot on my heels.
"Are you okay?" she asks concerned.
"I don't know," I mumble as we make our way downstairs and into the kitchen.
I don't know what to feel. At first I felt relief that she's okay, but it still hurts so much that she left me. That she pretty much refused to have any contact with me, acted as though she didn't exist any more. How can she think that just sending me a letter out of the blue is okay? Even if it is apologizing for what she did. 'Hopefully I'll see you again one day so I can explain in person' - What is that meant to mean? That she's going to come back some day? What? She expects me to just wait around for her to come back and explain everything? Jesus Christ, I can't handle this shit right now. I can feel Alice's gaze burning into the back of my head as I pour myself a glass of water. I head into the living room and stop dead in my tracks when I see Jazz, Em and Rose are all in there, obviously waiting for me expectantly. I walk across the room and sit down in the couch.
"Did you give it to him?" I hear Jazz ask Alice.
"I think he's in shock," she whispers back.
"I'm right here. I can still hear you," I say quirking my brow at Alice. She smiles sheepishly before sitting up and putting her hand out.
"Can I see it again?" she asks quietly. I watch her carefully as I hand her the letter. She turns it over in her hands before sitting back in the couch and letting out a sigh.
"What's wrong?" Jasper asks her.
"There's no return address on it, just a postmark saying it's from California," she says disappointed.
"Yeah, I figured that much out for myself." I reply sarcastically.
"What did you expect him to do, Alice? Run to wherever she is?" Rose asks disbelievingly.
"What's so wrong with that? You still love her, don't you?" Alice asks, turning towards me.
"She left for a reason, Alice. Me hunting her down wouldn't help anything," I explain.
"How do you know that? She said she's gotten better. She knows leaving like she did was wrong. She must feel horrible..."
"And what about how I feel?" I ask, hurt clear in my voice.
"I know you were upset when she left –"
"That's an understatement," Rosalie mumbles, cutting her off. I narrow my eyes at Rosalie before standing up from the couch and walking away.
"Edward, wait!" Alice yells as she jumps up and runs after me. She grabs my wrist, causing me to stop walking. I turn around to face her, waiting for her to continue. "She told you she loves you. Why are you being so stubborn about this?" she asks quietly.
"Because I told her I loved her, and she packed up her shit and left with no explanation at all. I know she may have a reason, but I can't waste my time on waiting for her to write me another letter explaining why, or waiting for her to come back. I have to get on with my life," I tell her honestly.
"But she told you she's sorry, she knows she shouldn't have done that," she pleads with me.
"I know that, Alice! But I can't keep holding onto her! If she ever does comes back, then I'll deal with it then. I don't have it in me to just forgive her like nothing ever happened," I reply exasperatedly.
"I don't expect you to forgive her straight away," she says quietly, handing me back the letter. I take it from her hand carefully before replying.
"Good, because I can't," I say through a sigh before turning my back on her and walking back upstairs to my room.
The next day I tuck the letter in my pocket before grabbing my car keys and heading down the reservation to hang out with Jacob. I call in to the gas station and buy a few packets of chips and a four pack of Energy drink for us to munch on while I'm there. I carry everything down to his home made garage shed when I get there. We chat about how I'm in the Big Brother program now, and what he's been up to. He's working on two old motorbikes one of his neighbors was throwing out for the council pick up. I think everything is fine until Jacob calls me up on my mood. I should have known better than to get that shit past him.
"Dude, what's up?"
"What?" I ask, feigning innocence.
"Don't try that shit with me, man. I've know you for a while now, so I can tell when something's on your mind and you aren't all here," he says through a laugh.
"I got a letter from Bella," I mumble, reaching into my back pocket, pulling out the letter and handing it to him. He takes it from me, his face covered in shock as he reads it.
"Duuuude," he says before letting out a whistle.
"Mmm. I ended up getting into an argument with Alice," I reply quietly.
"About the letter?"
"Yeah. She's so demanding that I forgive Bella like nothing ever happened or some shit. She doesn't seem to understand I can't just do that… I know I sound like a pussy, but she fucked me up bad, and I can't just forget that," I say through a sigh. I glance over at Jacob to see he's looking at me with pity. Just fucking great. I roll my eyes at him before leaning against the wall.
"I know I tried to hook up with Bella at first." Did he seriously just go there? I narrow my eyes at him to let him know exactly how I feel about him saying that shit. He rolls his eyes at me before shaking his head. "I'll admit I was pretty jealous that you two got together, but I can see you still care about her a lot. And from what I read in the letter, she seems to feel really horrible about what she did, man," he says honestly.
"God, you're exactly like Alice," I groan in frustration.
"Look, I could see it in her eyes when I would talk to her that she was damaged on the inside. I know she hurt you a lot, but Alice is right. You never know, Bella could turn up back in Forks any day now that she knows leaving was the wrong thing to do. Do you really want to treat her like you don't even care about her if she does come back?" he asks seriously.
"I wouldn't do that to her. I just, I don't know what I'd do if I saw her again," I reply through a sigh.
"Just take shit one step at a time if she does come back, life is all about timing."
"Now you sound like fucking Carlisle," I mumble.
"I'll take that as a compliment," he replies, a shit eating grin on his smug fucking face. Prick.
Hey guys. Thank you for all sticking with the story. I appreciate it a lot.
Thanks to my Beta Jenndur for Beta'ing this so quickly, you can thank her for the chapter being on time for once :P
Thank you to everyone who have added this story to their alerts and favourites, and thank you to everyone who has been reviewing. Keep 'em coming! :)
natalee-x