A/N: Bella's clothes for school: http:/i52 . tinypic . com/2wqg789 . jpg
Bella's talent show outfit: http:/i52 . tinypic . com/165fo1 . jpg
Bella's clothes on Saturday: http:/i56 . tinypic . com/11jwxow . jpg
Disclaimer: I do not in any way, own any of the songs performed or mentioned in this chapter.
Chapter Thirty Six – (Unexpected Letter)
BPOV
Life decided to hate me today because everything just seems to be going wrong.
Firstly, my alarm didn't go off this morning, making me fall fifteen minutes behind schedule. When I woke up, it felt like I'd been run over by a Mac truck because I got hardly any sleep from all my tossing and turning.
Secondly, when I made my cup of tea this morning, I was in such a rush that I ended up putting salt in my tea instead of sugar, causing me to spit the contents everywhere. This proceeded in me cleaning the entire kitchen because I kept finding something new that I deemed fit for cleaning.
Thirdly, the dryer shrank most of my clothes, so I was finding it beyond difficult to find anything comfortable to wear. I eventually found my last clean pair of dark blue skinny leg Levi's and navy blue and white stripe truffle shirt. I slipped on my vans, grabbing my leather jacket and sunglasses as I rush out of the room.
And last but not least, I couldn't find the keys to my damn truck and when I did, the ancient bastard took ten minutes to start, causing me to be half an hour late to my first class.
Yep. Life definitely hates me today.
So here I am, rushing down the isolated hallway, making my way to first hour biology. When I glance through the little peep hole, I notice Edward scribbling away in his book. He must feel my gaze on him because his head snaps up and he glances over to the door, his intense jade eyes lock with mine and pierce straight through me. His lips curve up into that annoyingly, beautiful, smug smirk, making my breath catch in my throat. He quirks his brow at me, silently questioning me why I'm still standing on the other side of the door.
I swallow the lump that's formed in my throat, mentally slapping myself for making myself even later and for being such a wimp. I break our gaze and open the door, walking straight over to Mr. Banner's desk and handing him my late slip. He smiles at me kindly as he takes the note from my hand and looks back down on the papers he's grading.
I keep my eyes locked on the ground, watching each step I take closer to the desk I share with Edward. I haven't been able to lock out that last conversation we had. He told me if I listened to what Jessica had to say, then he would listen to me.
"Hey, friend," he greets me playfully.
"You're a tool," I joke.
"Ouch," he replies, his hand resting across his heart in mock hurt.
"Have you talked to Jessica?" he inquires.
"No, not yet. I've been swamped with trying to catch up on all the work I missed when I was away."
"What classes are you behind in?" he asks concerned.
"Trig. Biology and History," I groan.
"I can catch you up on all the Biology work, if you want?" he offers.
"Really? That would be great."
"Jazz is a huge nerd at Trig, so he could help you with that too…"
"Ergh. You're a lifesaver, thank you."
"That's what friends are for, right?" he asks, nudging me with his elbow.
I glance over at him to see his cocky smirk in full force. I roll my eyes before swatting his arm playfully. He laughs quietly beside me and smiles softly, placing his hand on top of mine. I return the gesture just as he squeezes my hand lightly before letting it go.
Rose and I run into Edward and Emmett in the hallway on the way to the cafeteria for lunch. Emmett greets Rose with a grin on his face, pulling her into his arms and trailing kisses from her temple and down her cheek. The corner of her mouth turns up into a smile as soon as his lips meet hers.
I look away, feeling as though I'm intruding on their moment. I glance over at Edward to see that he's smirking at me. I mock glare at him, biting my bottom lip as I feel the blush rush into my cheeks. This just causes him to laugh lightly before shaking his head at me.
"Shut up," I murmur, laughing lightly before continuing to walk to the cafeteria.
I can't help the smile that forms on my lips as I hear the footsteps of Edward running up to fall into step with me. He nudges the side of my arm with his elbow before throwing his arm across my shoulders and pulling me into his side.
"Aw, look at you two being all cute and shit," Emmett quips.
I glance up at Edward and smile sheepishly. He rolls his eyes before returning the gesture and squeezing me lightly before releasing me.
"Shut up, Emmett. You're such a buzz kill," Edward complains, causing me to giggle to myself quietly. Edward glances over at me, his lips turning up into a grin before he walks a head of us.
"I'll see you guys at the table," he calls out, his eyes meeting mine as he looks over his shoulder and winks at me.
"Maybe you should go talk to her now," Alice whispers as we wait in the line to collect our lunch.
"I don't know," I reply hesitantly.
"Just get it over and done with so you can sort your shit out with Edward," Rosalie says.
"Rosalie, don't be so insensitive!" Alice exclaims, causing Jessica to look over at us. Her expression is filled with curiosity, glancing between me, Alice and Rosalie. Alice smiles politely and gives her a small wave. Jessica returns the gesture before turning back around.
"I'm not being insensitive – I'm trying to encourage her."
"Well, you sounded mean."
"Jesus Christ, Alice. Bella is a big girl, she can handle the way I speak to her."
"And I can handle making my own decisions," I snap, my patience wearing thin with their bickering.
"Sorry, Bella. I just really think you should go talk to her," Alice insists, smiling at me apologetically.
"Fine," I cave, letting out a heavy sigh before walking up to Jessica. "Jessica?" I address her kindly, my voice quiet. She turns around to face me, the expression on her face neutral.
"Bella," she replies curtly.
"Look, I know you probably don't want to, but I was wondering if we could talk?" I ask. Her eyes snap up to meet mine, her expression turning to shock for a split second before she composes herself.
"Oh," she says softly. "What about?" she asks.
"Everything," I confess.
"When?"
"Whenever you want."
"Why do you suddenly want to talk to me?" she asks hesitantly.
"You were my best friend for thirteen years, Jess. I just need too."
"And Edward asked you to, didn't he?" she asks.
I stay silent, not knowing if that's going to be a problem or not. She glances up at me, her eyes filled with kindness.
"Yeah," I reply honestly.
The corners of her mouth turn up into a tiny smile. "Of course he did," she says quietly. "He's a good friend," she adds thoughtfully.
"Yeah, he is," I respond earnestly.
Jessica and I grab our lunch and walk over to the table together. To say that Edward was filled with happiness is an understatement. I haven't seen his eyes filled with so much content and happiness in a long time, leaving me with the feeling that I've definitely made the right decision to talk to Jessica.
"So are you two friends again now or something?" Emmett asks, confronting the elephant in the room.
"Uh. We, um –" I sputter.
"It's complicated," Jessica cuts me off. I glance over at her and smile thankfully.
"Yeah. We're working on it," I add.
"Baby steps," Jasper says encouragingly.
"Progress is progress," Edward says, smirking at Jessica and I.
He's such a smug bastard.
But I love him.
The next day during English, Rosalie and I are both stunned into shock when Jessica sits in the seat on the other side of me. I glance over at her and smile politely. She returns the gesture before pulling out all her stuff for class. I can't stop the light laugh that escapes my lips when I see that she's still the same old Jessica from when we were thirteen years old.
"What?" she asks suspiciously. I bite my bottom lip and shake my head.
"Nothing. It's just nice to see that some things never change."
"What do you mean?" she asks confused.
"You still have those little pencil cases filled with all your pens and highlighters."
"Oh," she replies, giggling slightly.
"You two are such children," Rosalie murmurs, causing Jessica and I to laugh again.
"Whatever, you love us," I joke.
"Whatever, indeed. Anyway, are you excited for tonight, Bells? I can't wait to hear you sing," Rose says.
"You're singing at the talent show tonight?" Jessica asks astonished.
"Yeah," I reply hesitantly.
"Oh, I didn't mean to offend you or anything. I just remember when we kids you were so shy about singing in front of people."
"Yeah, I remember," I reply quietly, smiling as the memories of Jessica begging me to enter the talent shows flood my mind.
"Wow. Just, wow," she says dazed.
"Yeah," I murmur.
Jessica snaps out of her thoughts and she turns in her seat to face me. "So, Bella?" she addresses me.
"Yeah?"
"When do you want to have that talk?" she asks hesitantly.
"Like I said, whenever you're ready."
"Oh. Well, I'm willing to talk to you whenever you're ready," she replies quietly.
"Okay. Well, how about today at lunch?" I ask.
"That sounds great," she replies eagerly just as Mr. Berty calls the class to attention.
"So, I heard you're performing at the show tonight," Edward says as I take my seat next to him in Biology. I raise my brow at him which causes him to chuckle lightly.
"Yeah." The blush rushes into my cheeks.
"What songs are you singing?" he asks curiously.
"Uh. It's a surprise."
"But it's me. I'm not gonna tell anyone," he promises.
"Alice made me swear not to tell a soul."
"Oh, so Alice knows?" he teases.
"Yeah." I smile at him apologetically.
"Come on, just tell me," he implores.
"I can't. She'll murder me."
"Well, at least tell me something," he pleads.
"Okay," I respond, laughing lightly. "I'm singing an original song," I add nonchalantly as I shrug my shoulders, my voice barely audible.
"Wow. Well, you'll be great," he says kindly.
"I don't know about that. I think my nerves might get the best of me," I say, laughing nervously.
"Nah, you'll be fine. You have a great voice." I look up into his eyes to see sincerity clear as day in them. "Well, from what I remember," he adds, his lips curving up into that crooked smirk of his.
"Thanks," I murmur. I smile sheepishly at him, biting my bottom lip and breaking our gaze before continuing to doodle in the margins of my text book.
He laughs lightly beside me, causing me to glance back at him. When his eyes meet mine again, he winks at me. His cocky, yet charming smirk still in place – leaving me breathless.
By the time Jessica meets me out on the benches for lunch, I'm completely wrecked with uncertainty and my nerves are at an all time high. I bite my bottom lip, resting my hand on my chin as I absentmindedly drum my fingers on top of the table.
"Hey," she greets me breathlessly. "Sorry I'm a bit late – Ms. Garner kept me behind after class," she adds.
"Oh. Is everything okay?" I ask concerned.
"Everything is great. She said my grades have been really great in Chemistry so she just wanted to know if I wanted to do tutoring as apart of an extra curricular for my collage applications."
"Wow, that is great. Collage applications? We're starting them already?"
"We aren't starting them. We're just getting everything organized – like extra curricular activities and stuff," she reassures. "Hasn't the school counselor had a meeting with you about it?" she asks confused.
"No, she hasn't. Argh, I've fallen so behind."
"How? Is everything okay?" she asks concerned.
"Um, yeah. Just because of how I left. I missed out on a lot of work."
"Oh," she says softly.
And that's how we got into the whole drama about why I left Forks and all the events that led up to my insecurities and anxiety. I thought Jessica was going to storm off and drive over to Charlie's house to hit him with a baseball bat when I told her the bruise on my face was from him hitting me. She went into hysteria, shouting profanities at the top of her lungs. Then when I explained everything I felt after my mom left, and how I felt like I had to remove myself from her because I kept hurting her and letting her down, the tears welled up in her eyes within seconds and she started sobbing. She leapt into my arms and held my close, saying she was sorry for being so horrible to me over the years, which made me turn into a blubbering mess, sputtering my apologies for everything I ever did to hurt her.
"I'm so sorry for everything. I know it hurt you even more when I became friends with Alice and the rest of the Cullen's," I tell her, sniffling unattractively. "But you were friends with Lauren and she hates me and you hated me, and–"
"Bella, I didn't hate you. And to be honest? I never really liked Lauren. I think she just took me under her wing to piss you off or something."
"Well, it worked," I murmur.
"Look, I was hurt that you completely cut me out of your life and then became best buds with the new kids. But I never hated you. I missed you, I wanted my best friend back," she confesses, her voice cracking with emotion. "You were like my sister, Bella. It hurt me that your mom left as well and then it was like I lost you too," she adds, glancing up into my eyes.
"I thought you'd never want to be friend with me again," I admit honestly.
"We've been through too much together for that to be the case. And now that I know what you went through, I understand everything. I'm not gonna lie, it's going to be hard for me to trust you again," she says softly. "But I can forgive. Just know that I never forget," she adds seriously.
"I know," I reply quietly. I notice Jessica fidgeting around with her hands. She always did that when she was nervous to talk about something. "How have you been? Is everything okay?" I ask politely.
"Yeah, I've just… I've been going through some stuff lately and I've really needed you," she replies, smiling empathetically.
"What is it?"
"I'm just… God, all those brochures about how to come out to your friends and family are a crock of shit," she mumbles. I sit there in shock, taking in everything she just said. Brochures about coming out to your friends and family? Jessica's a lesbian?
"You're gay," I reply, not stating the sentence as a question.
"Uh, yeah."
"How long have you known?" I ask attentively, taking her hand in mine.
"I think I've always known. You know, I've never had a boyfriend and I was finding myself noticing girls a lot more," she says, shrugging her shoulders. "I've only just come to terms with it myself though," she adds softly.
"Oh. Okay."
"Are you weirded out?" she asks sadly.
"What?" I ask astonished. "God no, Jess. This doesn't change anything. Tanya is gay too, you know," I tell her.
"Really?"
"I'm surprised you haven't noticed. If she wasn't so pissed off at you at Jake's party, she probably would have grabbed you by the shirt, pinned you against the wall and made out with you."
"What?" she asked shocked, laughing nervously.
"She's extremely sexually frustrated."
"Oh my god," she says before laughing hysterically. "I've missed this," she adds thoughtfully.
"I've missed this too," I reply softly. "I'm so sorry, Jess. For everything," I whisper.
"I'm sorry too, Bella. I feel horrible about everything that I did to you with Lauren. Especially that day in the hall."
"Can we please just put everything behind us?" I ask hopefully.
"We can try," She replies, smiling compassionately at me.
I return her smile before embracing her in a hug and closing my eyes in content. Approaching footsteps catch my attention and my eyes snap open to see who it is. My eyes lock with Edward's. A grin plastered on his face as he takes in mine and Jessica's embrace. I poke my tongue out at him, causing him to shake his head in amusement. I smile at him just before he turns to walk back into the cafeteria, leaving Jessica and I in our moment of reunion.
I raid my closet, looking for the peacock designed dress I bought in California. I start to stress out, thinking it's nowhere to be found. Tanya comes into my room to help me look. She holds it in front of me within a few minutes of searching. I'm such a dork. I completely forgot it was in my other closet. Tanya laughs lightly, shaking her head in amusements as she crouches down and pulls out my Gold Christian Louboutin Peep Toe Pumps. I smile thankfully at her when she hands them to me.
"Relax, babe. You have plenty of time to get ready," she reassures.
"I know. I'm just wrecked with nerves."
"You'll be fine," she insists, smiling sympathetically at me. I take a deep breath and let it out slowly before returning her smile. Tanya kisses me on the forehead before heading back into her room to finish getting ready.
I jump into the shower to wash away my nerves and loosen the tension that's been building up in me. I dry myself quickly, putting on a clean pair of black boy leg panties and matching black strapless bra because my dress is also strapless. I apply my make up, making it a little heavier than I usually wear. I then start on my hair, deciding to use the front parts of my hair that I would pull back into half up half down style and braid them. Once they're braided, I place them across the top of my head, creating a headband kind of style. I leave the rest of my hair out, applying a few loose curls before spraying it with a hint of hairspray.
Once I'm done with my hair and make up, I walk back into my bedroom to get dressed. I pull the dress up over my hips and torso, calling out to Tanya to come help zip me up. She walks into the room, a grin on her face as she makes her way over to me.
"You look beautiful," she says as she zips up my dress.
"Thanks," I reply softly, sitting down on my bed to put on my heels.
"So you're friends with Jessica again?" she asks curiously.
"Yeah." The corners of my mouth turn up into a smile.
"Well, that's good. She's a hot little minx."
"I knew it!' I exclaim through a giggle.
"Knew what?" she asks confused.
"I knew you were attracted to her. You should ask her out."
"What?" she asks astonished.
"Yeah. Maybe you could just like, help her out and give her advice or something? She's recently come out of her closet – "
"Wait, wait, wait!" she cuts me off "Jessica's gay?" she asks incredulously.
"Yep."
"Well… My life just certainly got better," she mutters.
"Down girl," I joke, laughing lightly. "Don't be too intense towards her."
"Why? Maybe she likes it intense," she jokes, winking at me.
"Gross. I do not want to know about what Jessica's sexual preferences may or may not be."
"Just because you're sexually frustrated."
"That's rich coming from you," I tease.
"Whatever. How are you feeling?" she asks, changing the subject.
"Better. Still nervous."
"Try not to worry about it. You're gonna knock 'em dead," she assures. "And if you start to feel the nerves overtake, look for me in the crowd. I'll be in the front row," she adds, winking at me. I smile thankfully at her before standing and embracing her in a tight hug.
"Thanks, Tan," I whisper. She wraps her arms around my waist and squeezes me lightly before stepping out of the embrace.
"You're welcome. Now are you ready to go?" she asks.
"Uh. Yeah, I guess. I just need to grab my earrings and bracelet," I tell her.
"Okay, I'll meet you in the car then," she replies, smiling at me before walking out of the room.
I walk over to my dressing table and look through jewelry box. I find the pair of thick black hoop earrings and thick grey bracelet with green and blue stones on it that I was looking for. I put them on, picking up my black clutch bag and throwing my phone, car and house keys inside before making my way out to the car.
Tanya and I meet Alice, Rosalie and Jessica in the parking lot. They all have smiles on their faces when they look up and see us walking towards them.
"Hey guys," I greet them kindly.
"Hey, Bella. How are you feeling?" Alice asks.
"Nervous."
"Don't be, you'll be fine," Rose assures.
"I've been telling her that all night, but she hasn't been listening," says Tanya.
"Bell, you have a great voice. You haven nothing to worry about," Jessica adds.
"Aw, aren't you a doll," Tanya says, winking at Jessica. Jessica's cheeks flush scarlet.
"Uh, thanks. I still feel like I'm going to barf though," I say.
"You've sang in front of people before," Tanya says.
"Singing in a small diner on Friday nights is nothing compared to singing in front of a full auditorium."
"Stop stressing. You're going to be great," Alice encourages, embracing me in a hug.
"We'll see you in there," Rose says, smiling encouragingly.
"Do you want me to walk you back stage? So Tanya can go with Alice and Rose now?" Jessica asks politely.
"Yeah. Thanks, Jess," I reply quietly. Tanya smiles at me and winks at Jessica again before walking away with Alice and Rosalie.
Jessica and I head to the auditorium. When we arrive back stage, everyone is rushing around like they're chickens with their heads chopped off, causing my nerves and anxiety to come flooding back. I take a deep breath as someone rushes me forward telling me to check myself in and to look up what number I am to go on.
As soon as I look at the sheet with the people who are entering the talent show, I feel like a complete idiot. There are only six people entering including myself and I'm the last one to perform.
Great.
Jessica and I sit out in the hall as we wait for the show to start. The technicians said we could stay backstage if we wanted to but to make sure we stay quiet, so we went out into the hall instead.
"You really don't have to stay with me if you don't want to. You're missing out on the show," I tell Jess, glancing over at her.
"I'm only here to see you. I'll stay with you until you have to go on," she replies softly.
"Thanks," I reply, letting out a heavy sigh. I rest my head back against the wall as I hear the show start.
"Bella, calm down. You're going to psych yourself out," Jess says softly, reaching over and taking my hand in hers.
"I'm just afraid I'm going to stuff up. And what If I scare Edward off even more with the songs I'm going to sing?"
"You're singing songs to Edward?" she asks shocked.
"Yeah. Sort of. Well, my original song is about him."
"What's it called?"
"I'll Be Waiting," I reply quietly.
"What's the other song you're singing?" she asks curiously.
"Alive by Leona Lewis."
"Wow. You are going to nail that," she says, laughing lightly.
"I've upped the tempo on it a bit though, so it's a fast song rather than a slow one," I tell her,
"Oh, cool. That'll sound great," she says kindly.
"Bella, you're on in ten minutes," my music teacher Mrs. Watson says, popping her head out of the door.
"Already?" I ask anxiously.
"Yep. Come on, honey, let's get you ready," she says encouragingly.
"Oh god," I groan.
"Don't freak out, you're going to be fantastic," Jessica reassures. "Break a leg," she whispers, pulling me into a hug.
"Thanks," I murmur.
"I better head out into the audience, unless you want me to be back stage?" she asks.
"No, it's fine. You go out to Tanya," I tell her, smiling mischievously at her.
"I knew you had something to do with that," she mumbles.
I laugh lightly before smiling at her. She returns my smile – a lot more enthusiastically than me – before walking down the hall and into the doors that lead to the audience.
I follow Mrs. Watson back stage and she hands me a microphone with diamonds on it. I look at her quizzically. She laughs lightly, her lips turning up into a grin.
"Just for some spunk," she says, winking at me.
Because I made the tempo faster for Alive I had to put it onto a cd. Emmett, Jasper and Alice also helped me create some melodies for the songs I wrote, which are also on the cd as well. I hand the music tech the cd with my songs on it, telling him the songs I'm performing are number one and two. He smiles at me as he takes the cd out of my hands, wishing me luck before I walk away.
The curtain closes after the act before me finishes. I walk out on stage as everyone rushes around me. Someone places a microphone stand in front of me so I place the mic on it and begin to take a lot of deep breaths to try and calm myself down. I've never sang in front of such a big crowd before. The diner in California was only small, there's no way there was as many peoples as there's going to be here tonight.
I hear Angela Webber pronounce my name as the next performance.
"The next person to perform is Bella Swan. She'll be singing Alive by Leona Lewis and an original song she wrote herself called I'll Be Waiting, which was written for a special someone in the audience."
I'm going to murder Alice for making that my introduction.
"Let's give her an encouraging round of applause!" Angela cheers, before the curtains begin to rise. I told Alice to tell the light technician to start off with the stage in darkness for the first few lines of the song just so I could become comfortable.
The melody of the piano plays throughout the speakers. My decision to make the tempo faster makes the corners of my mouth turn up into a smile. I take another deep breath before beginning the first lines of the song.
"I breathe, I hear, but I don't believe it. My heart, it beats, but inside I'm freezing."
The spotlight flashes onto me as the drum beat begins and I continue to sing the second line of the first verse. I sway my body side to side, preparing myself for the bridge. I open my eyes as I begin to sing the chorus, glancing around the stage as I notice all the different colours sputtering across me and the stage. I can't help the smile that forms on my lips, closing my eyes as I concentrate on the lyrics.
"I'm stripped, I'm bare, I'm left here with nothing. I hold, the wheel, don't know where I'm going."I look out into the audience, my eyes automatically locking with Edward's. "Your face, I see, in every reflection. No time, no space, I've lost all direction-on. And there's no turning back this time. Got to stay ali-i-ivee."I hold the note, placing my hand on my stomach to focus on my diaphragm to make sure I hit the right tone.
I take the mic off the stand and walk towards the front of the stage as I carry on with the chorus. I spot Jessica and Tanya standing close together in the audience, grins on their faces as they tap their foot and bop their bodies to the beat. I give them a small wave, my smile turning into a grin at the sight of them.
They better get together. I think to myself.
"I'm gonna get there some way, through all the tears in the rain. And any road I can take, just to get me some place."I glance over at Edward again to see his eyes filled with sorrow as I practically sing the song to him."Where all the scars on my heart and all the lies in the dark, disappear in the headlights, so bright, tonight, gonna drive them away."
"Oohh, Where do I go when I'm so alone? Where do I turn, when we weren't so close? We try not to crash but we still collide, tears I've cried, I'll survive, I'm aliiiivee" I break our gaze, turning my back to the audience and walking back to the microphone stand as I repeat the last line of the chorus, clutching onto my stomach as I bend forward to get hit the high notes with perfection.
"Ohh Oh, I'm Alive," my voice is soft as I song the last line of the song.
I close my eyes as I wait for the audience's reaction. Everyone erupts into applause, causing me to snap my eyes open in shock. I can hear Emmett hollering - which to be honest – doesn't really surprise me because I wouldn't expect anything less from him. Even If I sucked. I glance over at Edward to see pride in his eyes. He winks at me before giving me thumbs up, his lips turning up into his cocky smirk. I bite my bottom lip just as Angela's voice comes out over the speakers again.
"Wow, Bella that was great!" she exclaims. "Okay, now here's her original song she wrote for that special someone in the audience and I think we already know who that is," she adds cheekily.
The piano Melody for I'll Be Waiting begins to play, along with the drums and saxophone. I take the mic back off the stand and walk to the front of the stage again. I keep my eyes locked with Edward's as I sing the first few lines of the first verse. I stalk towards the front of the stage, not taking my eyes off his.
"I've seen your face, under every sky, over every border and on every line. You know my heart more than I do – we were the greatest, me and you." I smile at him as his eyes widen with shock before he returns the gesture, his cocky smirk on his face.
I tap my hand against my hip as I carry on with the song, swaying my hips from side to side and bopping my body forwards and backwards as I get into the chorus. I glance out to the audience to see a few people standing up and dancing in their seats. Alice, Rose, Tanya and Jess included.
"Let me stay here, for just one more night. Build your world around me and pull me to the light."I sit down on the edge of the stage, crossing my ankles. "So I can tell you, that I was wrong. I was a child then, but now I'm willing to learn."
I meet Edward's gaze again, his eyes are filled with so much love and adoration it almost stops me from singing. "But we had time against us and miles between us, the heavens cried, I know I left you speechless. But now the sky has cleared and it's blue. And I see my future with you. And I'll be waiting for you when you're ready, to love me again. I put my hands up, I'll do everything different. I'll be better to you."
I continue singing as I look into Edward's eyes. I pull my legs up onto my left side so they're back on the stage. I swing them around to the back of me, placing the souls of my feet on the ground and swaying my body to stand back up. A move Tanya taught me. I head back to the mic when the melody slows down a bit as I repeat parts of the bridge before repeating the chorus for the last time.
"I'll do everything different. I'll be better to you." I recite the last line of the chorus before the lights go out, leaving me standing in darkness.
Everyone break out into applause again, making me feel the best I've felt since being back in Forks. To say that I'm shocked is an understatement. I thought no one would enjoy it, but there they all are cheering for me. I tap the microphone to see if it's still on even though no one can see me on the stage. It makes a vibration sound, indicating it's still on.
"Let's give it up for Bella again!" Angela cheers as she walks onto the stage, the spotlight hitting me right in the eyes and catching me off guard. "I never knew you could sing like that!" Angela adds before embracing me in a hug. I hug her back, smiling politely at her when we break apart.
"Thank you all so much," I say as I look out into the audience, my voice soft.
"So you wrote that last song?" Angela asks.
"Yeah."
"It seems very personal, do you want to tell us what it's about?"
"It's about someone who's very special to me. It's sort of an apology cross between a confession of the mistakes I've made."
"Is that person here tonight?" she probes. My lips turn up into a tight smile, my cheeks flushing violently.
"Yeah, he is," I confess. I look out to the audience and my eyes lock with Edward's.
"Well, it was beautiful. You're really talented," Angela says.
Somebody hollers out 'Encore' causing me to laugh lightly.
"Do you guys want to hear another song?" Angela asks the crowd. They respond by cheering and shouting out yes's then chanting the word Encore.
"Do you have another song?" Angela asks me.
"Uh. Yeah. It's more of an upbeat song," I answer.
"That's good. Let's get this party started!" Angela cheers before power walking off stage. Man, I never knew she was so confident and well spoken. She'd be the perfect host for a TV show. I swallow the lump that's formed in my throat as the technicians get my song ready. There were only three songs on the cd, so it's obviously the last song on the track.
"This song is called Off The Chain. I wrote it a while ago. It's all about love," I tell the audience just before the music starts. The opening melody for the song was inspired by one of Nicki Minaj's songs.
"Twisted, you've shaken my existence. When I'm with you baby, blissed. All I've come to know."I place my hands on top of the microphone, tapping my foot along to the beat.
"Running, I didn't see it coming. Blinded it's so, stunning. I don't wanna let you go..."
I pull the microphone off the stand and skip down to the front of the stage, dancing to the beat as I sing. The small smile that started out on my lips morph into a full blown grin as I take in everyone in the audience dancing along to the song.
"Coming, just keep the magic coming. You've got me baby, crushing. But it feels like so much more."My eyes lock with Edward's again just as I begin to sing the second line of the second verse."Just when, when I least expect it, you make it feel so epic like nothing I've felt before."
"A thousand church bells ringing, I can hear the angels singing when you call my name, your love is off the chain." I sing the chorus, the corners of Edward's mouth turning up into a smirk. "The chemistry is crazy and you make me feel amazing and I can't explain, your love is off the chain."
I prance across the stage. I sway my hips from side to side, closing my eyes as I get lost in the song. I open my eyes and begin waving my arms above my head, indicating that I want to audience to do it too. They obey quickly as they continue to dance along to the music.
"I'm not the type, who gets crazy for someone."I sing, waving my index finger to the crowd."Odds of me trippin' are like next to nothin' Guarded my heart like a diamond ring. But love, your love, changes everything."
I head back into the chorus as I walk into the middle of the stage again. I look down to the front row to see Tanya singing along to the song, her expression filled with pride as she watches me perform. I owe a lot to Tanya. If it wasn't for her I would have never had the confidence to do this. I would have never written my feelings down on a piece of paper and eventually turn them into songs. Kate helped me a lot with that too. And Garrett was also a huge part of encouraging me to perform at the diner.
God, I miss them so much. I think to myself sadly.
I snap out of memories as I carry on singing the chorus for the last time. I look back over to Edward, winking at him and pointing my finger out to him as I chant the last lines of the song.
"Your love, your love, your love, love."
I curtsy to the crowd when the song ends. My confidence and pride the highest it's ever been in my life.
When the show is over, I walk out into the auditorium to meet up with everyone. They all embrace me in a hug, telling me how great I was. I don't think I've ever blushed so much in my life. Edward isn't there when I come out. Emmett tells me he's in the bathroom. I'm a little hesitant to accept that he really is in the bathroom instead of just leaving without seeing me at all, but Edward knocks that thought out of my head as soon as he come up from behind me and places his hand on my lower back. I turn my head to face him to see his eyes shining elation. I smile kindly at him and he smirks back at me.
"You were great," he says earnestly, his voice filled with kindness.
"Thanks," I reply quietly.
"So, you wrote those last two songs huh?" he asks mischievously. I bite my bottom lip and the corners of my mouth begin to turn up into a smile.
"Yeah."
"They were so good," Alice gushes.
"Yeah. Weren't they great, Edward?" Jessica asks.
"Yeah, they were," he replies. "So who were they about?" he asks, feigning indifference.
"Oh, you know. Just a friend," I reply nonchalantly.
"Oh, Yeah. I think I know him," he quips, laughing lightly.
Edward pulls me into his side and squeezes me lightly before saying he's gonna head home. I wrap my arms around his waist and hug him, which I think catches him off guard for a split second before he composes himself and winds his arms around my shoulders. I feel him press his lips to my forehead, causing my lips to turn up into smile as I let out a content sigh. He walks away as soon as we break apart, Jasper and Emmett embracing me in another hug before following after him. I give Edward a small wave when he looks at me over his shoulder.
"Well, things seem to be getting better between you two," says Jessica.
"We're friends," I reply softly, a smile on my face.
"It's about time," Rosalie mutters causing me to laugh lightly. She rolls her eyes at me before returning the smile.
"Come over tomorrow, yeah?" Alice asks me.
"Yeah, okay."
"You too, Tanya," Rosalie adds.
"I can't, I've gotta work. Sorry," Tanya says regretfully.
"What about you, Jess?" Rose asks hopefully.
"Same here, Rose," she replies, smiling apologetically at her.
"Great. Now I'm gonna have to listen to these two gossiping and gushing all day by myself," she complains.
"You could always join in," I joke.
"Yeah. No thanks."
"Your loss," Alice says, nudging Rose in this side with her elbow. Rose mock glares at both at us before shaking her head and walking over to her car.
I hug Alice and Rose goodbye. Tanya does the same before placing a kiss on Jessica's cheek and winking at her before walking away. As I embrace Jessica in a hug, I chuckle to myself at the shock and sheepish smile on her face before parting ways and running to catch up to Tanya.
I wake up late on Saturday afternoon, greeted by Tanya serving me breakfast in bed. I scoot over so she can crawl into bed next to me. We sit together, having a comfortable conversation as I eat my breakfast. When I finish, I have a quick shower before getting ready to go over to Alice's house. I head down into the living room, confusion covering my face as I see Tanya sitting on the couch fidgeting anxiously. She meets my gaze as I walk into the room. I raise my brow as I sit down next her.
"What is it? What's wrong?" I ask concerned.
"This was in the mail box," she replies, handing me an envelope with my name on it. I can't stop the sharp intake of breath as I recognize the handwriting as my mothers. I swallow the lump that's formed in my throat.
"Oh," I say, my voice barely audible as I take the envelope out of Tanya's hands.
"I'll just leave you alone to read it," Tanya says as she stands up from the couch. I grasp onto her wrist, causing her to look down at me. I meet her gaze as I begin to panic. I don't want to deal with this alone.
"No, stay. I want you here with me," I tell her. "Please," I add pleadingly. She sits back down next to me and entwines her hand with mine, resting her chin on my shoulder as I open the envelope.
It's a long letter.
To my beautiful, Bella:
I can't believe I'm actually writing to you. I'm sorry it's taken this long for me to reply to you, but I was honestly quite a bit shocked that you contacted me. You sound so mature and grown up. Well, I guess you are seventeen now. You have every right to say those things to me, I can't even imagine what you have been through over the past four years and I can't even begin to imagine how much you must loathe me for leaving the way I did. But believe me, if there was any other way I could have acted, I would have done it. I think a part of me always hoped that you would find that letter to Charlie and write to me. Do you know if he read it? How is he? Oh, that doesn't matter right now. I don't think I'll be able to explain everything to you in one letter. I'd very much like to come see you. I completely understand if you don't want to see me, but I very much hope you'll agree. Believe it or not, I did what I did for your sake. I didn't want you to be scared or see me the way I was, or the way I would have become. I miss you so much, baby girl. Why were you having trouble living in Forks? I hope everything is okay. Well, I'll just leave it at that for now. There's plenty of time to explain everything later. Please write back soon, honey. I love you.
Love, Mom.
I can't deal with all of the emotions running through me right now. It's too much. I'd given up hope of thinking I'd ever hear from her again. I mean, it took her this long to reply to the three letters I already sent to her. And what did she mean she left for my own sake? She say's she wants to come and see me. Does that mean she didn't end up going far away from Forks like I assumed she did? God, she's just left me with a million more questions I crave the answers for. I didn't notice I was crying until a tear drops onto the page in front of me. I wipe at my eyes as Tanya wraps her arms around me and holds me close to her.
"Are you okay?" she asks softly.
"I think I'm just gonna call Alice and let her know I can't come over today," I murmur, pulling out of her embrace and standing up.
"Bella," Tanya addresses me hesitantly.
"You should get to work," I tell her.
"Bella, you aren't doing this. You aren't going to shrivel up and avoid everyone. You're going to Alice's," she says sternly. Tears well up in my eyes again as I let out a shaky breath. She closes the distance between and pulls me into another hug.
"I never thought I'd hear from her again," I sob into her chest.
"I know. It's okay, baby," she whispers, rubbing my back soothingly. "You should write her back," she adds. I pull out of the embrace, sniffing unattractively.
"Really?" I ask hesitantly.
"Well, she said she wants to see you to explain everything in person. So maybe you could write back and just tell her how you're feeling."
"I don't know how I feel right now, to be honest," I murmur.
"You don't have to write her back today," she tells me. "Look, I've gotta get to work. We'll talk when I get home," she adds quietly, cupping my face in her hands.
I smile sadly at her as I nod my head in acknowledgement. She kisses me on the cheek before picking up her bag and walking out of the cottage.
I wander around the house aimlessly, my whole body numb from shock. Getting that letter just made me realize how much I've missed my mom. How much I'd give to have her hold me in her arms and tell me everything is going to be okay. I can't stop thinking about what she said about leaving for my own sake. What could she have possibly gotten herself into that could effect me? Anxiety starts to fill me as my mind fills itself with different crazy scenarios.
I rush around the house, trying to find a pad of paper to write a reply to her. I eventually find one in one of the kitchen draws. Lord only knows why it's even there in the first place. I sit down on the couch, the pad situated on the coffee table in front of me. I bite my bottle lip, clicking my pen as I try to think of what to write. I let out a heavy sigh before I just give up and write whatever pops into my head.
Dear Mom.
Wow. To be honest, I didn't think you would ever reply to me. Yeah, I've been through a fair bit over the year. A whole heaps of shit in the past few months to be exact. I mean, my mother just up and left without a reason, except a letter that didn't really explain anything at all, which just left me with trust and abandonment issues and a father that hates me and blames me for your leaving, causing me to isolate myself from everyone and make horrible mistakes that I'm now dealing with the aftermath of. I never got the chance to loathe you, because I was too caught up feeling guilty about you leaving. I don't hate you, but I am hurt. I guess that's just because I don't understand why all of this had to happen but I'm willing to hear you out. You said apart of you hoped for me to find the letter and write to you? Why didn't you just write to me yourself? You had to have known how I would be affected by you leaving. And no, I don't know if Charlie has read that letter and even if he did he probably forgot about it the next morning because of being the useless drunk that he is now. So with that being said, he isn't doing very well. Of course I want to see you, I have so many questions. I need to know why you left – I need to know the whole story. Like, what you mean about you not wanting me to be scared and seeing you the way you would have been. What does that even mean? I miss you too, so much. Please let me know whenever you want to come see me. Where are you anyway? And even after everything that's happened, I do love you too.
Love, Bella.
Just as I finish writing the letter, I hear my phone begin to ring from my room. I stand up and run down to my room to answer it but I'm too late. It starts ringing again as soon as I walk through my door, I pick it up and see Alice's name flashing on the screen. My lips turn up into a smile as I answer.
"Hey, Alice," I greet her kindly.
"Hi, Bella! How are you? What time are you coming over?"
"Oh, um. I was actually about to call you. I don't know if I can still come."
"Why not?" she asks concerned.
"I just don't feel very well…"
"Why are you lying to me?" she asks sternly.
"What?"
"Tanya called me to warn me that you may try and back out today."
"Of course she did," I murmur.
"She said she'd let you explain why," she replies. I let out a heavy sigh, pinching the bridge of my nose.
"I got a letter off my mom," I tell her, my voice barely audible.
"Oh my god, are you okay?" she asks hysterically.
"I'm fine, I just don't think I'll be very good company today."
"Bella, you can't keep locking away your feelings. That's what you did last time," she insists, the tone of her voice sad.
"I know, Alice. I just have a million emotions running through me right now, I don't want to burden you."
"You could never be a burden to me. You're my best friend – I'm here for you through thick and thin." she says seriously.
"Okay," I reply quietly. "I'll be over in an hour then. Thanks, Ali," I add appreciatively.
"You're welcome. Bye Bella!" she exclaims excitedly before hanging up.
A small smile tugs at the corner of my lips. I can't begin to explain how grateful I am for having such a great friend like Alice, especially after everything that's happened. She doesn't take my bullshit and always encourages me to open up more freely about my emotions.
She's one in a million and I wouldn't have her any other way.
Hey everyone! I know this is a bit late (and I'm really sorry about that), but I've had no internet connection. I sort of still don't, it's going ridiculously slow at the moment and it took me forever to update today.
Thank you to everyone who have stuck by me and this story, thank you for adding this story to your alerts and favourites, thank you to everyone who continue to review and let me into their thoughts and feelings of each chapter, it really mean a lot to me.
Most and foremost, thank you to my most amazing Beta, and friend, Jenndur. She is beyond incredible and I'm forever grateful for having her in my life. She just posted the Epilogue to her story Ricochet on the 14th of this month, so go check that out! :)
I hope you enjoyed the chapter! I love you all x
natalee-x