Chapter Two Summary -While Sam sleeps, Daniel and Lantash discuss the future. Lantash realizes that Daniel loves Sam and, since he started their blending before realizing she was pregnant, he also knows that she has deep, loving feelings for Daniel, but that they are buried, and that she would not have allowed them to flourish into more than a loving friendship, had Martouf lived. However, Martouf is now dead, and Daniel is very much alive. Therefore, perhaps it is time to consider another solution that might make the upcoming months and years more satisfactory for all three, eventually four, of them. Now all they have to do is convince Sam.
Pairing - Sam/Daniel/Lantash
"Italics" - Symbiote-Host communication
Always Be Ours
Chapter Two
The Blink of an Eye
"Lantash? Is Sam asleep?"
"Yes, Daniel, she is. I will have you called when she awakens, if you wish."
"No. No, actually, I wanted to talk to you. I just talked to Jacob, and he's very concerned for both of you. He said that Sam won't allow you to leave her because she's afraid that your new host wouldn't love her, and the two of you would be separated. You and I both know that it's a little risky for her to be pregnant with you in there."
"Do you have another suggestion, Daniel? I do not believe she would allow me to leave her for just anyone. And neither would I wish to abandon her. It would have to be someone who would love and cherish her, as I do."
"Well, there is another option open to you," Daniel said quietly. "I'll take you. I care for her. I think I could promise to always care about her and take care of her. And, I would love the child, too."
Lantash looked at Daniel for a long time, before asking, "You say you care for her, but if your feelings are those of a brother for a sister, it would not work. There would need to be a certain amount of intimacy, for it to succeed. I would wish to make-love to our mate, Daniel. For that is what she would be. Our Mate. The relationship would not be a platonic one."
"Well, Sam, um, she's not exactly hard on the eyes, and I've always admired and liked her. You love her, and I'm sure your feelings would help mine, wouldn't they? I mean, even if I didn't love her to start with, that would change, wouldn't it?"
"Yes, if you allowed it to do so. That is how it normally works. Are you telling me that your brotherly feelings would not prove a barrier to our physical relationship?"
Blushing, Daniel said, "Yes, I am. I, um, I've never felt like a brother to Sam. She's a very special lady, and I'm very fond of her. I don't think falling in love with her would be all that difficult. The problem would be her feelings for me."
"No, that would not be a problem, Daniel. She is half in love with you already. You were one of the reasons she did not tell Martouf and I of her love for us. She knew she also had feelings for you, therefore she was unsure if she truly loved us, or if it was simply the feelings left from Jolinar."
"She—she, did? I didn't know that. I, um, I don't know what to say."
"Do not misunderstand, please, Daniel. She does love both Martouf and I deeply. However, her feelings for you also run deep. She will never forget Martouf, and she will always love him. But, if we do not un-blend, then she could easily turn to you, since she loves you already. On the other hand, if you and I should blend, then the same thing may well happen."
"I have access to her memories and feelings. If Martouf had lived, she would have loved us truly, and her feelings for you would never have been allowed to mature. Now, if you wish it, those feelings could become more than she has allowed them to be."
"I think I should bring it up, don't you? I mean, I think I should tell her that I was going to offer for you, and then tell her that I want to become your host. I—I'll have to admit that I have feelings for her. She won't do it otherwise," Daniel stopped speaking as another thought came to him.
"Do the Tok'Ra have a problem with mates working together? I think we would want to continue to work together and that can be a problem on Earth. I don't know for a fact without talking to Sam, but I imagine we would want to spend at least part of our time here on Earth and part of our time with the Tok'Ra. After all, this child will be a product of two distinct cultures, and if Martouf still has family, then it should also grow up knowing them, as well."
"The Tok'Ra do not have rules about mates being in the same group of soldiers, Daniel. We would all be together. I believe that I would not only agree to spend time here with the Tau'ri, but insist upon it if at all possible. Our child deserves to know both of his cultures, as you say."
"Martouf—Martouf had no remaining family. They were all executed." Lantash sighed, and it was obvious that the memories Daniel's question raised were grief laden and emotionally trying. "It is possible that some distant relatives escaped, but highly unlikely. Had he not escaped and blended with me, he would have died of his injuries." He sighed even more deeply, obviously brooding upon his last statement. Returning from his thoughts, he reiterated, "No, Martouf had no one except the Tok'Ra for family. And, of course, after last weekend, he considered Samantha his family, his mate—as do I."
"You must think more about this, as well, though, Daniel, for you need to realize what it would mean. It is a dangerous thing to do, when both host and symbiote are in good health. My injuries are recent and, though not life threatening, they are serious, and they will take time to heal completely and well. Your injuries should be well healed by the time we can blend, since Jacob helped you; however, I must be much better physically than I am at this time. I have already gone through the trauma of un-blending and re-blending once. To do so again right away, would be very dangerous, to both of us. Most of the danger to you would come if I did not survive and was not capable of stopping the poison the symbiote releases at death. As you know from Samantha and Jolinar, it is possible, and we often try; however, we do not always succeed." Lantash watched Daniel closely, and when he simply nodded his understanding, he continued with his explanation.
"Since you told me earlier that you were willing to take me as your symbiote, I was aware that it might still be possible. Therefore, I did not completely blend with Samantha, nor will I until this is settled. If I remain with her, then of course, I will finish the blending. If not, then the least I must disconnect the better. I shed my outer skin to blend with Samantha, and that in itself, though it was necessary, could pose a problem. That is yet to be seen."
"I am not sure if you know this, but unlike the Goa'uld, we do not go from host to host, full grown. We leave behind the majority of the body that grew during our time within our host. The smaller physical body is less traumatic on both of us, and then as we once again grow, we simply blend and meld in with the hosts tissues. We truly become a part of the host, Daniel. You must realize that. As a result, it is actually safer to leave most of the physical body behind. The parts of the body that we need are in the front portion of our bodies anyway, so leaving the mass behind is not a problem for us at all."
"I didn't know that," Daniel said quietly. "I always wondered how something of that size could blend without killing the host, or at least causing a lot of pain, and yet, it didn't seem to cause that much true pain when Jacob blended with Selmak. In fact, Sam said it didn't seem to hurt him at all."
"If done correctly we numb the tissue as we go, and there is little pain. The Goa'uld do so only to the extent that it will keep the host from going into shock, and therefore, it is painful for them. I can promise you that if we blend, I will take great care to do it as carefully as I can, as I did with Samantha. Even though the situation was critical, I was extremely careful to cause her no pain and thereby disrupt her good-bye to—to our Martouf." Lantash drew a calming breath, before continuing, "Still, no matter how careful I am, or how much care I use, we could die. That is always a possibility. I feared it happening to Samantha, which is why I put her to sleep as soon as" again his voice shook, "as soon as Martouf died."
Believing that Daniel must make a fully informed decision, he told him, "If we can convince Samantha to do this, then I will wish to stay with her until it is close to the time when my presence will become a danger to our child. The reason is that, as I said, I left most of my body behind, and that did make my blending with Samantha much less traumatic. However, that very act will also make an immediate re-blending very dangerous to both of us. In fact, it will be very much more so than it will be, if I have time to regrow some tissue."
He paused, deciding what he needed to say, before continuing, "If I do not have time to regrow tissue, then when I leave Samantha, though not painful to her, it would be excruciating for me. While I would be willing to do that for her and our child, I am not willing to take that chance on us, that is, you and I. As I said, it would not be painful to Samantha, as my tissue would simply remain behind. However, the very act that made my blending with Samantha less traumatic could bring on our deaths, because it would leave me without any protection. To state it bluntly, I would be entering you raw, with no external skin at all. The pain involved is enough to put a symbiote into shock. It is doable and many do survive it. Many do not. If I went into shock, the chances are very good that you would not survive either, Daniel. If I was not conscious, I could not control the release of the symbiote poison, as Jolinar did for Samantha. You would die from that, not the trauma of blending. I wish to be very open and truthful with you, so that you can make a very informed decision."
"I understand, Lantash, and I still want to do it. If we have to wait several weeks to make it safe for you, then we do. However, I still believe that it is the optimal solution," Daniel assured him that he was very aware of what he was saying, but that he was willing to do it. Whatever it took, he was willing to do.
"When Samantha awakens, you should begin your courtship of her, Daniel. I have a month and a half, two at the most, before I must become dormant. We will see what we can do."
"Will a month and a half be long enough for you to be healed enough that it wouldn't be such a dangerous thing for you? What about the tissue involved, will it have regrown enough by then? Lantash, if it would be less dangerous for you I would rather wait and allow you to become dormant. It's not that I want to put it off, although, as you know, I've never given thought to voluntarily becoming a host before now. That's beside the point. The point is that it's not for me, or so I'd have time to change my mind. It's that," Daniel paused, then looked into Lantash/Sam's eyes, before forcing himself to continue, "It's that I don't think Sam could survive losing you, as well as Martouf. I know you said you think she loves me, too, but she loves me like a brother. I'm not sure she'll accept me as anything else. And I won't risk her losing you, as well as him. I care way too much for her to take the chance of hurting her even more."
"I understand, Daniel, more than you think. If Martouf has to be gone, and that is now a fact, then I can think of no other man to whom I would entrust my Samantha. Or myself, for that matter, right now," he finished.
Daniel could see that the conversation was taking a toll on him and he felt very honored by what Lantash was saying. "Go to sleep, Lantash. You need rest, too. I'll be here when you both wake up; I promise you."
Lying down in the bed and getting comfortable, Lantash smiled slightly, before saying, "I have not had a female host in well over a thousand years, and even then it was for a very, very short time, merely days. I had forgotten how the female body must sometimes adapt certain portions of itself for sleeping. I had also forgotten how wildly the hormones could fluctuate. Perhaps it is unfortunate that I do not have more experience with the female body. I find that it is somewhat uncomfortable for me, I am afraid."
Daniel frowned. He didn't want to keep Lantash awake, however, he just told him something that contradicted what he said earlier. "Um, Lantash?"
"Yes, Daniel? Is there something that I can do for you?"
"I just have a question. Ah, you just told me that you were only in a host for a few days, but, a short time ago, you told me that you couldn't leave Sam yet. I'm, um, confused, I guess."
Lantash smiled slightly, before responding, "I apologize, Daniel, and you are correct, it does appear that I am giving you conflicting information. The difference is that we planned it that way. She was simply my transportation to where I met my permanent host. Since I knew I would shortly be re-blending, I did not leave my entire body behind in my former host. While I released enough to make my blending comfortable for her, I kept enough that I would be able to leave the remainder within the woman, who was kind enough to transport me to the place I needed to go. Had I had time to think before I blended with Samantha, I would have done the same, just in case there was a different host whom she would accept. Unfortunately, I did not do so. In addition, the truth is that as injured, as I am, I will not be physically well enough to re-blend for several weeks either. So, in reality, it would have made no difference."
"Samantha," Lantash told him softly, "does not realize how injured I am, Daniel. I do not wish her to know, for she would only fear that I, too, will not survive and will leave her. While my injuries are serious, they are not life threatening, as I believe I mentioned earlier. I probably would not be able to convince her of that fact, however."
"I understand, Lantash, and I won't tell her. I think you are correct and it would simply worry her more than she needs to be at the moment. Later, if necessary, we can tell her, but not right now." Daniel agreed quietly. "Now, get some rest. Woman's body or not you need to rest. I'll be right here with you. You have my word."
With another small smile at his thoughtfulness, Lantash replied, "Thank you, Daniel. I will attempt to do so."
Daniel watched as Lantash closed his, no, her eyes. That was really confusing. He picked up Sam's hand to hold it, and then realized that as late as it was no one, except, perhaps, one of the nurses, would be in. Kicking off his shoes, he climbed into the bed and carefully pulled Sam into his arms, glad that Jacob had used the healing device on his injured arm and shoulder. His injury, too, was worse than he let on, but still not really serious and Jacob was able to heal it completely in very little time. Of course, he didn't have holes in him and he suspected that Lantash very well might have. They were probably extremely lucky that he survived. He shuddered. It could have been so very much worse. Martouf could have blown them into small pieces. He shied away from those thoughts. There was no point in playing 'what if'.
He placed a kiss on Sam's forehead. Basically, Lantash had said to start as he meant to go on. Well, he meant to go on by convincing Sam that she could trust him enough to become his mate, his wife. He had cared for her for a long time. Since before Sha'uri had died, although he had still also loved his wife. Because of that, he understood what Lantash meant when he told him about her hidden feelings. He could understand that perhaps Sam had cared for him, as well as for them, but would never do anything about it because of everything else in her life. Now, everything else had changed.
He wanted, no, to himself he could admit it, he loved, Samantha Carter, and this was his chance to see if he could convince her that she was much more than a sister to him. He didn't mean only for now, but also, for always. He had no doubts about his love for her, and once he blended with Lantash, the feelings would only grow. He just hoped that Sam's could grow, too. With Lantash encouraging her, perhaps that wasn't the pipe dream he previously thought it was. Only the passage of time would tell, and for now, he was very tired. It had been a long, emotionally trying, and eventful day. Unfortunately, there was little doubt that there would be more of them to come.
Sam moaned softly in her sleep, and Daniel tightened his arms around her. They lowered the lights several hours ago, and the private room they put Sam and Lantash into was silent. He lifted his hand and gently brushed her hair back from her face; even in sleep, there were lines of pain etched upon it. He placed another kiss, this time on the top of her head. She appeared so fragile, and for Sam to look this fragile, the blow she received was a deep one. Sam was strong, the good soldier, never faltering, at least not where it could be seen. However, not this time. This time the gate had fallen, and there was a breech in her walls. She was adrift in an unknown and uncharted place. He would see to it that she and Lantash didn't have to be there alone.
Of course, it was neither unknown nor uncharted for Lantash. He might not know this exact place, but he had been through many similar landscapes. No doubt, in his long life, he had lost many hosts and mates that he loved dearly. How he stood it over and over, Daniel didn't know. At least this time, it had been a hundred years, since he had last lost a host. The loss of his last mate, though, was much more recent. It had to be emotionally draining for him.
Lantash was allowing him to see that this would dredge up all the old memories, as well as having to face the future. One that would include a son or daughter, something he never expected to have. It was something that Daniel never thought to have, either. He would love Sam, Martouf, and Lantash's child, as if it was his own. He already did and it was only a mass of cells.
Lying with Sam and Lantash in his arms as his thoughts wandered, Daniel realized that he was receiving a rare gift from Lantash. The Tok'Ra were stoic, rarely showing emotions, other than anger, on the outside, yet Daniel had seen several instances where Lantash had been all but overcome with his grief. From what he knew of the Tok'Ra, he would speculate that it was a rare thing, this allowing him to see the sorrow and offer comfort to a Tok'Ra; to share in a grief so deep and strong, before one was a host, was not something that they would do easily.
It was his belief that he was being given this look into these emotions to prepare him; to allow him to realize that far from cold and unfeeling, as they appeared on the outside, they were, instead, a passionate race, full of deep and abiding emotions and quite capable of feeling them completely. Lantash trusted him with this information, and wanted him to realize that, once they were blended, they would share these emotions. If Daniel feared that he would lose his deeper emotions, or become a being devoid of feeling, he could safely discard that fear. It was a relief and an honor, for the Tok'Ra, while feeling deeply, did not share those emotions easily or comfortably. That he was doing so, said more to Daniel than any spoken words could.
Sam was becoming restless, crying in her sleep, whimpering a little, and moaning some. Daniel pulled her closer and began to rub her back, murmuring soothing sounds to her, until she quieted. Looking down at her again, as she curled into his body seeking comfort in his warmth, he breathed in her scent and closed his eyes. Sending a prayer to whatever deities might be listening, he asked that Sam be given some comfort, whether by him, or something else, did not matter. He just wanted her comforted some way, any way possible. He could not bear to see her in so much pain.
Sighing he rested his cheek on her head and dozed off. His dreams were unsettling and confusing, sometimes showing him a future with Sam and children. At other times it showed her laughing at him as he stood waiting in a chapel as she went off happily with a ghost. He awoke abruptly and looked down to see that Sam had not moved. Cautiously, he moved his arm and got out of the bed to stretch. Sam's eyes opened and glowed.
"Do not feel that you must stay with us, Dr. Jackson." Daniel started at hearing the deep tones coming from Sam, before he shook his head and smiled slightly.
"I was Daniel to you earlier today, and I would prefer it if you would continue to use my name. If we are going to become closer, that would be one way to start, don't you think?"
"Yes, of course, you are correct. I should have considered that."
"As for being here with the two of you, believe me, I wouldn't be doing it if I didn't want to stay. I plan to do as you suggested, and as soon as Sam wakes up, I'm going to start trying to allow her to understand that I love her, and that I want to take you as my symbiote. It may take some doing, but I'm willing to try. I know she won't return my feelings right away. She may never return them for that matter, but I have enough love for the both of us. So, I want to be here when she wakes up, and when she goes to sleep. I want to be the one she learns to turn to when she needs something. We've always been close. Now, I want her to start to see me as something other than good old Daniel. And with your help, I plan on making it happen"
"I agree that it would be the best for the two of us, Daniel. I love her, as you are aware. While I can love her on a non-physical level, I must tell you that it will be very difficult for both of us once the extreme pain over Martouf gives way to the more long term aching. Then the need for the physical bond that we once had will re-emerge. While I can give her physical release, it will be very lacking no matter how hard we try to make it feel as if it is enough. In an emotional way, it will be satisfying, but without the physical component, being able to hold and caress her, no matter how emotionally satisfying the feelings of love, still it will not be the same. At least, so I have been told and, therefore, I am afraid it will be very difficult on both of us."
"I have never been in this situation before, but I have talked to others who have. They have all said that the physical hungers are the hardest to live through, because there is no way to find any truly satisfying releases for them short of finding a new partner. Then until, or unless, the symbiote joins with the other partner, there is a feeling of guilt."
"As you know, the Tok'Ra are very open with one another. I have no reason to doubt what I have been told, for we try to insure that this type of information is shared freely, so that others can know what to expect in any given situation. I also understand that it can take many years for the feelings to abate. I did not want to trouble Samantha with these things now, but I will have to tell her soon, or she will no doubt stumble on them by accident at some point, as she is wandering around in my memories."
"Or she will begin to feel the physical need for me, and I will have to do what I can. It will not be enough for either of us, which is why you should try to stay with her a great deal at first, Daniel. If you are with us when that happens, then I will be able to convince her to accept you, for the two of us, and explain why we need you, and why there should be no guilt attached to us, to you, or to our feelings. I will also be able to explain that it would be easier, if you were my host. If we have laid the groundwork well, it will be one more reason in a long list for me to leave her and blend with you."
"Samantha is very intelligent, and the best case scenario is that I will be able to tell her a few truths, and she will jump to the correct assumption. It is my hope that when she wakes, I will be able to start finding ways to point out that your feelings are not those of a brother for a sister and that she has never truly considered you a brother. A sister does not look at a brother the way she has looked at you from time to time."
"I believe it will take very little for her to make the leap to the correct conclusion. If she does not, then it will take more groundwork, but the end result should be the same in either case. She will become your lover and mine."
Daniel nodded, obviously thinking about Lantash's words, before saying slowly, "There is one more reason for you to want to blend with me, Lantash. Something that she might not think of, but it would work on her sense of what's right and fair."
"Since you have to become dormant, you will not get to experience her pregnancy, the pregnancy of Martouf's, and your, child. For you, it will be as if it just happened, without any of the stuff in between. And you don't want to miss out on what most fathers get to experience. It may not have been your sperm, but we can argue that even if it wasn't, it is still your child because it is Martouf's, and Martouf is now, and will always be, a part of you. She'll listen to that, too."
Lantash nodded. "Yes, I believe you are correct. She is growing restless. Are you coming back to bed, Daniel?"
Daniel smiled. "I like the sound of that question. Yes, I'll be back shortly. I'm going to the men's room. Be right back. Try to keep her asleep, if you can, at least until I can get back and in bed with her."
"I can do that."
Daniel nodded and left. He would be sure that from now on, at least for a time, when Sam woke up, she woke up with him and in his arms. Yes, that would be the first step toward teaching her to care for him as more than a brother.
Daniel returned and settled himself next to Sam, drawing her into his arms. She seemed to become quieter. Her eyes opened, and Lantash looked at Daniel.
"She appears to recognize your arms Daniel, even when she is sleeping, and she feels quite safe and comfortable in them. She has settled back to sleep, but I do not believe it will last much longer. Her mind is much too active, and I do not want to continue to flood her system with chemicals and enzymes to keep her asleep, even though they are her own."
"I am going to become dormant for a time, as I still need to do healing on myself and begin to regain my strength. However, I will hear her if she calls to me."
"Go ahead, Lantash, you should have done it already. I can take care of Sam. You get some rest and don't worry about her, okay?"
"Yes, thank you, Daniel, I believe that I will do so."
"Goodnight, Daniel.
"Goodnight, Lantash."
Daniel lie quietly, enjoying the feel of Sam sleeping in his arms, and in the silence and dim lighting, he soon settled into a light doze himself.
Sam snuggled closer to the warmth that wrapped around her. The rise and fall of the pillow was confusing for a short time, until she recognized the scent. She would know it inside a pitch-dark building with a hundred other men. Daniel. A small smile lifted the corners of her mouth, before the other sounds and scents intruded into her consciousness, and she came fully awake, remembering where she was and why. She caught her breath. Martouf. Lantash. A baby. She was in a private room just off the infirmary. She had been too stunned to function for a while, so they had decided she needed monitoring after taking Lantash as her symbiote. That was ridiculous of course. She was quite well. Lantash was here to take care of her, and he would see to that.
She wanted out of here. She wanted to go home. There was no reason for her to be here. True, a few hours ago she had been an emotional wreck, and no doubt, she would be again, but at the moment, she was fine. Moreover, being fine, she needed to get away from the base, and the people, but most of all; she needed to get away from the curiosity and rumors that were bound to be rife.
She attempted to sit up and ease away from Daniel, only to have his arms tighten around her.
"Where are you planning on going, Sam? Bathroom?"
She considered the option of lying and telling him yes, as she snuck out the door and made a break for the elevators, but he beat her to it. "I'll take you home if that's what you want to do, but you aren't going alone. I'll make arrangements for both of us to take some time off. I'll help you get out of here. I'll drive you home. I'll help you get settled in. I'll get some food into the house. I'll cook for you, watch TV with you, and just generally be with you. I'll be there for you when it hits you again, and you think you're going to fly apart, or break into a million pieces. But, I won't allow you to sneak out of here on your own, take your car, have it all come rushing back at you, and have you end up in a wreck. So what'll it be, Sam? Bathroom or home?"
She stared at him, and then frowned. "Lantash, why aren't you telling Daniel he doesn't need to take care of me now? That I have you and you will take care of me? Lantash? Lantash?"
"Daniel, Lantash is not answering me. What have they done to him? What has happened?" Sam's voice was rising, as she reached behind her neck to see if she could feel anything that way.
Daniel grabbed her hand and held it gently, saying softly and calmly, "Lantash is sleeping, Sam. He was talking to me a little while ago, and he said that if I was going to stay with you, then he would like to become dormant because he still hadn't taken the time to heal some things, or begun to regain strength. Since I know that he should have done that a long time ago, I encouraged him to go ahead. He's still there and he's still fine, Sam."
He watched as she visibly relaxed. She was strung as tight as a bow, and it took almost nothing to set her off. Nope, she was going nowhere alone. He watched as she cocked her head as if listening.
"I am awake now, Samantha. Moreover, I did not tell him that because I cannot take care of you, beloved. Not in the way that Daniel can. He is a good, caring man, and he will help you in ways that I am unable to help you. Martouf liked Daniel, Samantha, as do I, and of all the men we know, there is none other that we would trust more—not with you. Accept his offer and let us go. However, are you sure you wish to go to your home yet? Perhaps we should go to Daniel's home instead?"
Daniel watched surprise, concern, and then anguish chase across Sam's features. "All right, Lantash. You are probably right. You go back to sleep, now. You're right, and I can stay with Daniel for a while. He's like a brother to me, and he'll take care of me."
"I will go to sleep again, but first I must correct you. Daniel is nothing like a brother to you, nor do you feel about him as you would a brother. Had you not fallen in love with Martouf and myself, you would eventually have allowed your feelings for Daniel to grow. He is a good man, as I said, and he cares for you deeply. By all means go with him, but do not look on him, or his actions, as the actions of either a brother, or a friend, for they are not."
"But, if they aren't the actions of a brother, or a friend, then what are they? People who dislike you, don't help you like this." Sam whispered, afraid of what he was telling her.
"No, they do not. But people who are in love with you do."
Pausing only a moment he continued, "Open your heart. It is bruised, battered, torn, and overwhelmed with pain, but there is a soothing balm within reach. One that would not only sooth it during the present, searing pain, but would begin to heal the wounds and draw some of the pain away. He offers it selflessly and with a full heart. Do not throw it away out of fear, or misplaced guilt. Martouf would not want that. He would want you to take comfort wherever you can. Martouf would not want to see you sorrow and mourn."
"He would tell you himself, if he could, to take the pleasure and ease the pain. Moreover, he would tell you that when you find it, take and give the love as well, because we never know when tomorrow will not come. Something we know all too well, my heart, for it was brought forcibly to our attention yesterday, through the loss of our love. Martouf would tell you not to be afraid to reach out and accept what is offered to us, as it is offered to us. There is nothing wrong in what Daniel offers. Take it with neither fear, nor guilt, my love. With Martouf gone, I could wish you no better mate—for either of us. It would please Martouf, Samantha. I will be with you later, my beloved."
"Sam, are you sure you want to go to your house just yet? Why don't we go to my place? Let's go by your house, for your clothes and some of your things, and then go to my place. What do you think?"
Looking dazed, Sam watched Daniel silently for a long moment as she analyzed what Lantash was really saying. He almost allowed his relief to affect her as her nimble mind read between the lines of what he had told her.
"Yes, Daniel. I think that might be best. I'll pack up my stuff and move it to your place. We can decide later on what we want to do. Should we talk to the General tomorrow, I mean today, er, should we wait until morning to leave, or are you coming back to talk to him?"
Daniel looked closely at her, frowning slightly. Sam was acting and talking a little strangely. "I can come back, if you don't want to wait to leave, Sam."
"It's almost morning, isn't it?" She glanced at her watch. "The general will be here in a little over an hour. Why don't we each go and pack up some work to take with us? Do you know if my dad stayed here last night?" Sam found her clothes and started pulling them on.
"Yeah, I think he's in his usual VIP room. Are you going to tell him you're leaving?"
"Yes. And then, I'm getting some of my work that I want to take to your place. My computer, some paperwork, you know. Do you want me to go with you to see the General?"
"Sure, I'll meet you there in an hour and a half?"
"Fine. See you then." Now dressed, Sam turned and left a baffled Daniel standing in the private room next to the infirmary. He might have been more confused, if he had been inside Sam's head. He was known for his leaps of logic…but even he would not have understood the women's intuition that had leapt from Lantash's words to divining their plan.
Sam knocked on the VIP room door and wasn't surprised to have it open at once showing her father already up and dressed.
"Sam? What's up? What's wrong? Why are you up and dressed? Is someone giving you grief?"
She laid her hand on his arm. "Nothing is wrong, Dad. I just wanted to let you know that you could go back to the Tok'Ra, if you wanted to. I'm going to go see the General and take some leave. I want to spend some time with Lantash and decide what I want to do."
"Whether I want to stay here, or in the tunnels, and whether or not," she drew a deep breath, "whether or not Lantash would be better off blending with someone else." She held up her hand to stop his rush of words that started with O'Neill.
"No, it's nothing like that. Daniel and I are taking time off together. I'm not sure, but I think that Lantash and Daniel have been talking. I know that Lantash is worried about staying blended with me, since I am pregnant. I believe that Daniel has told him that he would take him. I think Daniel and I want to see if we could, well, be more than friends."
"Normally, Daniel and I, we wouldn't rush into anything, but we don't have the luxury of months to think about it. We need to start spending time together now. We know we're good friends and get along well at work and on missions."
"We don't know if we can live in the same house. Or, if we can stand each other every morning and every night. I don't even know how to—never mind. I feel safe with him. I feel content. But, is that enough? I don't know, but I want to find out. I think I owe it to Martouf, Lantash, and our baby to find out."
"Lantash will have to become dormant soon. Once he does that then we'll have to wait until after the baby is born, and I think the whole idea is to do it so that he isn't a threat to it."
"Not only that, but if he has to become dormant, he will miss the entire pregnancy, and I hadn't even thought of that until just now. That's not fair to him. He should be able to experience this pregnancy, too. This child is as much Lantash's as it is mine and Martouf's and if—if Martouf had lived, we would all have enjoyed it together."
"I can't give that to Martouf, but I can see to it that Lantash gets to experience it with me. I don't want him to wake up and be a father; I want him to grow into becoming a father, just as I will grow into becoming a mother."
"But, besides that, I think they want to find out, as soon as possible, if it could happen. If there could be more between us than friendship. So—we've decided to do this now. Try living together for a few weeks to see if anything develops between us other than—"
She shrugged. "You might as well be at the tunnels because I'm going to be at home with Daniel. And we'll be thinking about that, too. Where we want to stay, that is. Anyway. I just wanted you to know."
"Sam, I want you to know that if you, Lantash, and Daniel decide to do this, I'll understand, and you'll have my support. I can understand your apprehension and Lantash's. He would never forgive himself if something happened to the baby because you are his host. And, I can understand you wanting to share this with him. So, whatever you decide, I'll stand by you and your decision. And Sam, for what it's worth, I think, no I really, truly believe that you care a lot more for Daniel than you realize and, well, I probably shouldn't say this, but I've felt for a long time that Daniel doesn't consider you a sister. He loves you. He loves you in the way a man loves a woman."
"And I think that if you give it half a chance, you'll find out that you can love him the way a woman loves a man. It may not be the love you had with Martouf; you'll never love anyone in the same way you loved him. And you'll always love him. But if you open your heart, I think you'll find out that your love for Daniel is an adult plant, and all it needs is a little TLC to make it bloom."
Jacob paused for a moment, before saying softly, "And Sam, I believe that Martouf would approve. He liked Daniel, and I think that he would be glad to know that he was Lantash's new Soulmate. He would be content knowing that you would be surrounded by not only his love and Lantash's but also Daniel's; he would want you with Lantash as a lover, if it was possible, not a host and symbiote. He would accept Daniel in that role as well. Knowing him as I did, I truly believe that, Sam."
Sam swallowed hard and stared at the wall behind her father, for a while, before she was finally able to say, "Thanks, Dad. Well, I'd better go. I still want to get some stuff packed up from my lab before Daniel and I go talk to the General. I hope he doesn't object to both Daniel and I taking leave."
"I don't think he will, Sam. Right now there is not much of anything you could ask for that the President himself wouldn't grant. He pretty much told George yesterday that as far as he's concerned you can do whatever you have to do, no questions asked, and he'll sign the checks."
"Take as long as you need. Hell, take a month if you need it. The SGC will be here when the three of you return to it. It's been here this long; it'll be around a while."
Sam smiled a little. "We'll hope it will be. But, you never know. Sometimes, things can be taken in the blink of an eye, y'know?" Her smile wavered. "Somehow when that happens you have to fill in the empty spaces, but it's hard. Really, really hard. But then, you already know that. Mom." She paused, her voice suspended by tears, and then swallowing hard, she continued, "Mom was taken from you the same way. She was just—gone."
Reaching out she gave her dad a hard hug and received one in return. "You take damn good care of him, Selmak. Bye, Dad."
Then, she was out the door and on her way to her lab, totally unaware of the tears running down her face, the people passing her in the halls or the man left behind, who put his fist through a cabinet door.
TBC