Chapter Thirty Eight –(Reconnecting)

EPOV

It's crazy how much things can change within a few months. When Bella first came back, I was so angry at her that I couldn't bare to be in the same room as her. Every day she was gone, her presence haunted me; my heart broke every day and I suffered the taunts of my classmates. I resented her defection.

It's never what I intended; I always swore to myself that I'd never fall apart. Everyone always thought I was stronger than the way I was acting. So I may have failed in their eyes, but it's no lie that I've loved Bella from the start.

I eventually began to learn how to accept the loss I felt deep inside myself and moved on by involving myself in befriending and helping Vicki and Riley. In the end, it all shaped me into the person I've become today. But even after all of that, when Bella came back, all those negative thoughts and feelings came rushing back to me. The resentment and anger I felt towards her began to creep back inside me, causing me to do and say some really horrible things to her. I never meant to hurt her or cause her so much pain. There's no excuse to why I reacted the way I did, but all I could think about at the time was how much she had hurt me.

If I could undo everything I did, I'd give away everything that I own for things to go back to the way they used to be before all of the drama hit the fan. The best thing about Bella, though, is that she's taken me for who I am, and not for what I've done. She's kept her heart and soul open to me, and I'm so glad I've finally gotten through all the pain she caused me, so I can do the same for her.

There was always apart of me that gravitated towards her. I've always loved her; that's never changed. And the night of the talent show was the night that I fell for Bella all over again. That night, I knew there was no way I'd change my mind about wanting to be with her again.

I drag myself out of bed and into the shower. I rest my head against the cool tiles as the hot water cascades down my back and loosens my muscles. I lather up the loofa with soap and scrub my body clean. I scrub my hair with the towel in an attempt to dry it before wrapping the towel around my waist and heading into my room to find something clean to wear. As I pull my briefs out of my bedside draw, I notice the little light on my phone blinking rapidly, signalling that I have a text message. A smile forms on my lips as a chuckle escaping me as I read the text from Bella.

HEY, HOTTIE. WHAT'RE YOU DOING?

Bella and I have fallen back into our old ways of mucking around together and calling each other random pet names. I type in a quick reply that will no doubt make her blush.

JUST GOT OUT OF THE SHOWER ;) YOU?

SO YOU'RE NEKKED? NICE. HAHA.

BET YOU WISH YOU WERE HERE RIGHT NOW, HUH? :P

YOU'RE SUCH A TEASE.

I can't stop myself from laughing as I read her reply.

YOU LOVE IT.

I place my phone back on the dressing table after texting her back. I continue to get dressed, pulling on a pair of jeans and a plain T. My phone lets off another beep with Bella's reply.

SERIOUSLY, THOUGH. I'LL BE OVER IN HALF AN HOUR (:

GOOD.

I HAVE TO SPEND TIME WITH ALICE TOO, THOUGH. SHE'LL KILL ME IF I DON'T.

I let out a groan of annoyance before typing my reply.

SCREW ALICE, YOU'RE MINE TODAY.

I HAVE TO AT LEAST SEE HER FOR A LITTLE BIT.

FINE :(

I LOVE YOU. X

I LOVE YOU TOO. SEE YOU SOON.

After Bella and I finish texting each other, I head up to Alice's room to let her know how annoyed I am about her being too insistent on spending time with Bella.

"Hey, I didn't even know she was coming over!"

"So? You're her over-energetic best friend; she's afraid of you."

"She is not afraid of me," she says, narrowing her eyes at me.

"Okay, she's not. But she doesn't like making you mad, so she's insisting on spending time with you," I complain.

"Jealous, much?"

"Whatever, Alice. Bella and I are finally going to talk."

"The talk? As in, why she left?" she asks softly.

"Yeah."

"Whoa. Okay, good. I'll keep my time with her to a minimum then," she says sincerely.

"Thanks, Alicat," I reply, smiling gratefully at her before planting a kiss on her forehead.

"I'm so glad you two are working things out."

"Yeah. Me too," I reply honestly, a smile forming on my lips. "I'm gonna go have some breakfast. I'll send Bella up when she gets here."

"Okay, thanks. I'll see you later," she replies, smiling kindly at me. I return the gesture before walking out of her room and heading back downstairs.

Esme is in the kitchen when I enter.

"Good morning, honey. Do you want some cereal?" she asks as she walks back to the fridge.

"Yeah, thanks."

I sit down on one of the stools as she flutters around the kitchen, pulling out a bowl, a spoon and the cereal. She pours it into the bowl, applying the milk straight afterward before walking over and placing it in front of me. She smiles affectionately at me before kissing me on the cheek.

"What are your plans for today?" she asks.

"Just gonna hang out with Bella after she sees Alice."

"Oh?" she says surprised, "You two seem to be working things out. Alice told me about you singing to Bella last night. That was very sweet."

"Uh, thanks. We're um, gonna talk about a few more things today."

"Oh, Edward. Are you letting her explain why she left?" she asks softly, her eyes filled with so much emotion.

"That's the plan," I murmur.

"Oh, honey. I'm so proud of you. I know how much you were hurt after she left and then when she came back. But I know that you two belong together."

"Thanks, Mom." I sit there in shock for a few seconds as I realize what I just called her. Esme's eyes go wide, matching my shock before her eyes well up with tears. I smile softly at her as she closes the distance between us and envelops me in a tight hug. I wind my arms around her waist and hug her back just as tightly.

"You're such a sweetheart," she whispers, her voice thick with emotion.

The door bell rings, pulling us out of our moment. Esme smiles at me, amusement clear on her face as my head snaps toward the front door. I climb off the stool and race over to the door, opening it as wide as it will go. Bella looks shocked for a split second before she smiles sheepishly. I smile back and step aside to let her in. Anyone watching us at this moment would think we were freaks, standing here staring at each other.

"Hey," I greet her, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.

"Hey," she replies softly, closing the distance between us and wrapping her arms around my waist. I plant a kiss on the top of her head and place my hands on her lower back, pulling her closer to me.

She tilts her head so she's looking up at me. I smile at her and she smiles in return. We don't say anything more; we stand there holding each other in a content silence.

That is, until Alice comes barging down the stairs.

"Bella!" she exclaims.

Bella smiles apologetically at me as she pulls out of our embrace.

"Hey, Alice," she replies kindly.

"What do you want to do today?" Alice asks as she skips the rest of the way over to us.

"Oh, I don't know? Whatever you want."

"Well, I'm kind of pretty busy, actually," Alice says, glancing at me and giving me a knowing look before facing Bella again. "But I really want to talk to you, so…"

"Oh. That's okay," Bella replies hesitantly before glancing at me, conflicted emotions written all over her face.

"Go," I tell her, laughing lightly. "I'll see you later," I add, kissing her lightly on the lips as Alice winds her arm through Bella's and leads her away from me and upstairs to her room.

I play the piano to try and kill the time while Alice and Bella spend their time together. I begin to compose a few more songs – all inspired by Bella of course – until I eventually give up and go back up to my room. I put in my Kings of Leon CD before grabbing my homework and sprawling it out across my bed. I complete my English essay and History revision, deeming that's enough progression to placate me. I pack it all away into my book bag so it's ready for school the next day.

I lay down on my bed, pulling my phone out of my pocket, typing up a text to Bella.

ARE YOU TWO DONE YET?

GOOD THINGS COME TO THOSE WHO WAIT.

I let out a groan of frustration before sending a text to Alice as well.

HURRY UP AND GIVE ME BELLA BACK.

I get an instant reply, but not from Alice.

HEY! NO TEXTING ALICE, WE'LL JUST MAKE YOU WAIT LONGER.

My phone beeps again. I open up the new text. It's from Alice.

WHAT SHE SAID, BUTTFACE. HAHAHA!

I breathe a heavy sigh, ignoring Alice and replying to Bella.

YOU. ARE. EVIL.

A few seconds later, Alice texts me again.

CALM DOWN. SHE'S ON HER WAY OVER TO YOU NOW, GRUMPY.

There's a knock on my door just as I finish reading the text. I send Alice back a reply of thanks just as Bella opens the door and pops her head around the corner, a grin on her face. I grin at her as she makes her way over to me and climbs onto my bed, laying down next to me and resting her head on my chest. I wind my arms around her waist, pulling her closer to me.

"It's about time," I murmur. I feel her body shake slightly as she laughs softly to herself.

"You're so impatient."

"Excuse me for wanting to spend time with my girlfriend."

Bella sits up slowly, tilting her head to look me in the eye. I can tell by the look on her face that I've taken her by surprise. I smirk at her as her gaze locks with mine. She bites her bottom lip before smiling softly.

"So, I'm your girlfriend now, huh?"

"If you still want me," I tell her, my lips curving up into a smirk.

"I'll always want you," she murmurs softly. "I know it mustn't have seemed like it, especially after what I did to you. But it's true." She glances up at me and smiles sadly.

"So you knew you were eventually gonna come back?"

"I think, subconsciously I did."

"Why did you leave?" I ask, entwining our hands together.

Bella takes a deep breath before jumping into story mode and explaining her past to me and why she left the way she did. My jaw drops open in shock as I take a few minutes to take in what she's said. I had a feeling everything she did had something to do with her mother. I know what it's like to lose your mom – even if it happened to me by death and not by abandonment – but it's still got to hurt just as bad.

"Wait, so she just left without even telling you and never contacted you again?" I ask after composing myself.

"Yeah," she says sadly. "I mean, she's replied to my letters now and she said she left because she didn't want me to see the way she would become–"

"What does that even mean?" I ask confused, cutting her off.

"I don't know," she mumbles. "She said she wants to explain everything in person."

I can't believe any mother could just up and leave the way she did, leaving her thirteen year old daughter to fend for herself. Well, I guess Bella had Charlie, but look how that turned out. Bella's mom obviously didn't think about how her leaving would impact on Charlie and Bella. Charlie turned into a drunk and emotionally wore down Bella until she felt worthless.

After the shock wears off, Bella continues talking. Bella became so horribly depressed that she isolated herself from everyone, including her best friend at the time, Jessica. Bella explains that because she felt like her mother leaving was her fault, and because of all the horrible things Charlie constantly said to her, she didn't want to be near anyone and ruin their lives as well. This eventually caused Jessica to give up trying to reach out to Bella. Bella hated treating Jessica the way she did – cancelling on plans, not calling her back, and avoiding her at school – she believed she had to stop being friends with Jessica all together to stop hurting her.

Then when my family and I came along, Bella actually started to feel normal again. Alice never gave up on trying to befriend her, which made Bella feel cared about for the first time in a very long time. Then when I started showing interest in her and after we began dating, she started to feel wanted and important again. She explains to me that on Thanksgiving – when I finally told her I loved her – I said a lot of similar things that her mother said to her just before she abandoned her, which made her freak out. All she could think about was that she was finally happy again and she couldn't bare the thought of me leaving her like her mom did.

So she did the only thing she thought she could – she left me.

"I know what happened with your mom was horrible, Bella. But don't you see that you only did the same thing to me that she did to you?" I ask softly. "You just took off with no explanation at all and didn't contact me for weeks," I add.

"I know that now, I just didn't think at the time. All I was focused on was not letting myself get hurt again. My trust in people was at an all time low when I met you, but I took a chance and let you in." Tears fall down her face as she closes her eyes and takes a deep breath.

"Keep going," I say softly, cupping her cheek in my hand and placing a kiss on her forehead. She opens her eyes to meet my gaze before continuing.

"I left because I couldn't bare the thought of you ever leaving me–"

"Why didn't you just come to me and tell me how you were feeling? I would have never have left you," I tell her, cutting her off.

"I was scared, Edward. I did the only thing I thought I could live with," she says sadly. "I thought it would have been easier if I left you, but it wasn't easy at all. I missed you every day and I wanted to come back sooner, but I knew you would hate me for what I did because I knew how you would have been feeling." She takes another deep breath and wipes her cheeks as tears continue to form in her eyes.

"If you knew how I was feeling, why didn't you call or write to me sooner? Or leave a return address so I could reply to you?"

"I was still working on my issues at the time. Writing you that letter was a part of getting myself back on track," she says softly. "Tanya told me that I'll never get better if I don't face the mistakes I've made and that I should write to you, especially because I did you what my mom did to me."

I tuck a stand of hair behind her ear and cup her face in my hands. "So writing to me is what made you want to come back?" I ask confused. She laughs lightly and smiles softly at me.

"It was part of the reason. When Tanya said that to me, it made a lot of things fall into place for me and that's why I came back when I did. I couldn't bare the thought of putting you through what my mom put me through. I hated myself for doing that to you."

"So you came back to explain yourself?" I ask. "But I didn't let you," I add before she can answer.

"Yeah," she smiles sadly before biting her bottom lip and meeting my gaze. "When I was on my way back, a part of me selfishly hoped that you didn't really mean it when you said you loved me. That way you wouldn't have been hurt about me leaving, even if that meant my heart getting broken in the process."

"Fuck, Bella. I'm so sorry I didn't listen to you when you first got here. I was just hurt and filled with so much rage. I got used to you not being here and then you turned up out of no where. I'd hate to think that you thought I didn't love you because of the way I was treating you, because I did love you," I reply honestly. "I do love you," I correct myself.

"It doesn't matter, Edward. I deserved everything I got from you. And at the end of the day, I'd rather be the one hurting rather than be the cause of your pain."

"Bella, you can't think like that."

"I know, but I shouldn't have done what I did to you. I'll never do anything like that ever again; my head is in a much better place now. I know my mom leaving wasn't my fault, and Charlie is just a drunk who chose the closest person to him to blame." The tone of her voice turns to sadness as she speaks of her mom and dad. "But it doesn't excuse what I did and I understand that things are never going to be the same."

"I understand why you did it – I just wish that you came to me instead of running off."

"I know. I'm sorry," she says quietly. "I never stopped thinking about you when I was gone. I never stopped loving you."

"I never stopped loving you either," I reply honestly, brushing her cheek lightly with the back of my hand.

"I wouldn't have blamed you if you did, though–"

"Bella…"

"No, listen. Please?" she pleads. "I'm just saying, I know I hurt you terribly and you had every right not to accept me back into your life, but you have. I can't begin to explain how much that means to me. How much you mean to me. I've never felt this way about anyone before in my life. I've never had anyone care about me as much as you do. You're good for me, Edward. You make me a better person and I'll be grateful for you coming into my life, for the rest of my existence." She lets out a shaky breath before smiling softly at me.

"I couldn't stop loving you if I tried," I cup her face in my hands and rest my forehead against hers. "I need you to know that everything that has happened between us has made me a stronger and better person. I know we've been through a lot and you did hurt me, but all of that has shaped me into the man I am today."

I pull her face away from mine as I feel the tears fall down her cheeks. I wipe them away with my thumbs before removing my hands from her face and pulling her closer to me. She crawls her way up to me and sits on my lap, looking up at me through her lashes. I smile at her lightly before brushing the hair out of her face and placing it behind her ear. I leave my palm resting against her cheek. She closes her eyes at my touch and leans into my hand, letting out a content sigh. I lean forward and kiss her lightly on the lips. She opens her eyes, gracing me with a sheepish smile as the blush runs into her cheeks.

"So, what happens with us now?" she asks softly.

"I want to be with you. I know it's going to take a while until we're back to normal, but I'm willing to try."

I unwind our hands and move up the bed, leaning back against the headboard. I hold out my hand to her, she takes it and crawls the rest of the way up the bed. She sits sideways in between my legs, laying her legs across mine and leaning into my chest. I wrap my arms around her before planting a kiss on her forehead.

"We'll take everything one step at a time," I tell her.

"Okay," she replies. "Edward?" she addresses me softly.

"Yeah?"

"I love you," she says.

The corners of my mouth turn up into a smile. "I love you too," I reply. "I've missed you. I forgot how much I love having you in my arms," I tell her.

"I've missed you too," she replies, snuggling closer to me and tilting her head back to look me in the eyes. I lean forward until my lips connect with hers. She passionately kisses me back, running her hands up my chest and wraps her arms around my neck. I wind my arms around her waist and pull her on top of me.

I hear footsteps making their way to my room before the door swings open and Alice waltzes in.

"Hey guys, I just wanted to – OH MY GOD!" she exclaims, cutting herself off in excitement just as Bella and I abruptly break apart and glance over at her. "Finally!" she squeals, grinning from ear to ear and clapping her hands as she jumps up and down.

"What do you want?" I ask annoyed, raising my brow, waiting for her to explain what's so important.

"Never mind, it doesn't matter. I'll see you guys later," she says, a grin still plastered on her face as she rushes out of the room.

"God, how embarrassing," Bella mumbles, her cheeks flushing scarlet as she buries her face in my chest.

"I wouldn't have suspected anything else from Alice."

"Neither would I, but it's still humiliating!"

"Is making out with me really that embarrassing?" I ask, mock hurt.

"Making out with you is just fine. It's the getting caught part that's embarrassing."

"Only just fine, huh?"

"You know what I mean," she replies, rolling her eyes.

"Why is it embarrassing?" I ask, laughing lightly.

"Because I zone out and don't take notice of anything around me when you kiss me! I could be doing anything without even realizing it!" she says hysterically, causing me to chuckle with amusement.

"I wouldn't let you embarrass yourself, love."

"As if you'd even notice," she scoffs.

"I have great concentration thank-you-very-much."

"Mhm. Sure, sure."

"Unlike you, I can multitask," I joke, winking at her.

"Is that right?" she asks, sitting up to straddle me. "What if I do this?" she asks, running her hands under my shirt. "And this," she says, leaning forward and flicking her tongue onto my neck before kissing me there. "Or this?" she questions, running her hands into my hair and placing her lips against mine. I begin to kiss her back, but she pulls away and bites my bottom lip softly, causing me to let out a moan. She kisses me on the lips again before abruptly pulling away.

"Told ya," she says, climbing off of me.

"Where do you think you're going?" I retort, wrapping my arms around her waist and pulling her back to me.

"I think I've proved my point," she says, letting out a giggle as she tries to escape.

"Such a tease," I quip. "But I'm not ready to stop yet."

"Oh?" she asks breathlessly.

"Uh-uh," I reply, flipping us over so I'm laying on top of her. I trail kisses across her collarbone, up her neck and along her jaw line, until my lips finally meet hers again. She winds her hands into my hair and pulls me closer to deepen the kiss.

The bed begins to shake as someone – which could only be Emmett – stampedes down the hallway toward my bedroom. Bella glances up at me, over to the door and then back to me with horror written all over her face. I let out an exasperated sigh, my body lightly slumping on top of Bella's as I rest my forehead in the crook of her neck. The door swings open furiously, and Emmett barges inside.

"Well, I'll be damned, the pixie was right!" he hollers, a gigantic grin on his face. "It's about fucking time!" he adds just as Alice runs in after him.

"Oh my god, you guys. I'm so sorry!" she exclaims, her expression filled with dismay. "I told him not to come and make a scene, but he just didn't believe me when I said you two were back together!" she adds hysterically.

"Why'd you even say anything?" Bella asks softly.

"I couldn't help myself."

"Of course you couldn't," I murmur.

"Emmett! Where the fuck have you gone?" Rosalie shouts from down the hall. "I swear to God, if you've gone anywhere near Bella and Edward…" she adds, her voice becoming more prominent as she makes her way to us.

Emmett's body goes rigid, the expression on his face covered with apprehension.

"Suck shit, asshole," I taunt. He flips me off just as Rosalie walks into my room.

"Jesus Christ, seriously Emmett?" she says, her voice thick with annoyance. She walks over to him and slaps him on the back of the head. "When are you ever going to grow up?" she asks.

"Was that really necessary?" he grumbles, rubbing the spot where she hit him.

"Yes," she answers, narrowing her eyes at him. "Was barging in here like in immature child necessary?" she asks, placing her hands on her hips.

"I was just kidding around," Emmett defends.

"My point exactly," she replies, sighing heavily. "I love you, but you never think before you act. You could have shit stirred them later, instead of coming in here and completely embarrassing Bella."

"But I love making her blush," he teases.

"Oh, for crying out loud. Can we please just leave?" Alice asks.

"Yes, please do," I say, rolling off of Bella and laying on my side. Bella giggles softly beside me and bites her bottom lip.

"Yeah. Sorry, Bella," Rosalie says, grabbing Emmett by the arm and pulling him away.

"What about me?" I ask, feigning offence.

"Whatever, it's not like you're horrendously embarrassed," Rose replies, rolling her eyes.

"I can walk myself out, you know," Emmett complains.

"Shut up," Rose says exasperatedly.

"Bye, guys," Alice says, smiling apologetically.

"It's not your fault, Ali," Bella reassures her, clearly realizing that Alice feels bad.

"Yes, it is. I shouldn't have said anything."

"You can't help the fact that Emmett's a buffoon," I say, smirking at her. She laughs lightly before grinning and walking out of the room, leaving Bella and I alone to pick up where we left off.

Hey everyone! I know this chapter is a bit late and I'm really sorry... BUT, I had no internet connection up at Rockhampton, APART from my phone... And I can't update or edit chapters on my phone, can I?

The good news is, I've finished work! No more nannying/looking after the little rugrat for the time being. So I'll be free to write and update to my regualr schedule again! Well, hopefully... I still need to find another job...

Anyway, thank you all for the constant support and lovely reviews! It means so much to me and again, I'm sorry if I haven't replied to your reviews yet! Please hit me up on Twitter Natalee_x and let me know if you're still waiting on a reply!

A huge thank you to my Beta Jenndur. She is so, so, so amazing. I'd be lost without her! x

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