Hello everybody, my little brother, Cesar, agreed to help me story, how nice of him.
Cesar: You cheeky dick waffle
Cristian: hahaha...you watch the internet to much. Now on to the story!
Alex: STD
Cristian: What?
Alex: Nothing
(Fuck it everything is in Alucards point of view)
It was morning and I was asleep in my chair, I felt somebody touch my shoulder. I slowly woke up to see Fluttershy smiling at me while carrying something...it was food.
She spoke to me "Good morning Alucard, I-I brought you some food" she gestured the plate towards me, shaking a little and hiding behind her hair. That was adorable, I mean pffft I don't care.
I stared at the food and almost vomited, it was pancakes and orange juice. Fluttershy set the plate next to me and sat on a couple of books. She stared at me, oh crap she wants me to eat the food.
I gulped and smiled at her and grabbed a pancake with my hand. I looked at her and she was smiling at me. Oh shit I thought, I slowly put the whole pancake in my mouth and started to chew. I pretended to swallow with a smile on my face.
"Do you like it?" She asked smiling a bit wider.
I simply nodded my head, and she walked out of the room. I ran around the room looking for something to vomit in. Then spike came in.
"Hey your laughing was keeping me up all night and, are you ok?" He asked me.
I gestured my hand to a bucket, he looked at me and smiled. "Well I don't know, I'm pretty sure you through me at a wall" I grunted and pointed my hand at spike and hipnotized him. He went for the bucket and came back with it.
I wasted no time and through up chunks of pancake into the bucket. "Oh my God that was terrible, oh God" I vomited a second time filling the bucket with some weird, tan, goop.
And then at that time I regained my stance and let spike go from his hipnotization. "I'm...going to get some fresh air" I said as Spike was grabbing his head. I was upstairs and I peeked around the corner and saw fluttershy and twilight, its time to get...sneaky.
I blended in with the shadows and made it to the door, I was about to open it when fucking pinkie pie opened it causing me to get smashed behind the door.
"Twilight have you seen...oh there you are Alucard!" She said smiling at me, I was about to punch her but she started to talk again. "Hey I was wondering if you needed a job! I need an assistant for tomorrow and I know you don't have a job so you might as well help me so what do you say!" I was about to say no, but then Fluttershy spoke.
"Oh how nice of you Pinkie Pie sounds wonderful! What do you think Twilight?" Fluttershy said and looked at Twilight. I hoped she would object for some reason, any reason! But as if she knew I didn't want to go she nodded and said "sure why not"
"Don't I get a say in-* I was cut off when pinkie grabbed me and started dragging me again. This is really starting to piss me off.
I ended up at the back of a counter, and a line that looked like it could stretch on forever. Costumer after costumer, luckily that pink woman was able to make treats like a junkie on crack. Ok enough with the drug jokes.
There was a little boy, he was chubby and was accompained by a tall and skinny kid.
"Uhhhhhh I'd like 2 cupcakes and 1 for my friend here, and make it snappy!" The fat one said. This son of a bitch thinks his going to get away with that! I don't think so.
I managed a smile and looked down on him "oh of course, ill get you the special ones from the back ok?" I said as I walked into the kitchen, pinkie was in the bathroom so this was my only chance. I grabbed some dirt, worms, and some sugar and spice and everything nice, like viagra. I mixed it all together and made 3 cupcakes with white frosting on top.
I came back to the brat and handed him the cupcakes. Oh were they in for a surprise. I chuckled to myself I saw the 2 walk out eating the cupcakes. I saw Pinkie walk towards m and she didn't look so happy.
"Alucard can I talk to you?" She asked me "I don't know I'm a bit busy with customers and hey!" I was cut off when pinkie, once again, dragged me to the kitchen. I stood up and she crossed her arms and tapped her foot.
"I got some complaints today" She asked me. I simply shrugged and gestured my head for her to move on.
"3 kids ran out of the store crying and 2 men came to me with black eyes on them" She said, pretty much staring into my soul. She said one last thing to me "Why do you have to say for yourself, why are you so mean!"
"You want to know why, I'll tell you why" Once again I was cut off as she put her hands on ku shoulders and shook me a little and said "Ok but it has to be in a song, its how things work around here."
I took her hands off of me and cleared my throat, I had the perfect song. "Fine" I told her "I know just the song!" I said as I snapped my fingers and a spotlight shone on me.
(When you're Evil, by Voltaire)
"When the devil is to busy, and deaths taken a bit much. They call on me by a name you see, for my special touch!" I touched a wall and it cracked into several pieces.
"To the gentlemen I'm miss fortune, to the ladies I'm sir prize" I stroke my hand against a girls cheek and quickly pushed her away.
"But call me by any name, anyway its all the saaaaaaaame!" I jumped on a table and tipped my hat.
"I'm the fly in your soup! I'm the pebble in your shoe, I'm the demon in your bed, I'm the bump on every head!" I said as I tapped pinkies head.
"I'm the Peel on which you slip, I'm the pain in every hip!" I kicked all the silverware off the table. "I'm the thorn in your side, makes you wriggle and writhe!"
"And its so easy when you're evil! This is the life you see the devil, tips his hat to me! I do it all because I'm evil, and I do it all for free!" People offered me money as I swatted it away.
"Your tears are all the pay I'll ever need!" I took a child's candy and kicked a woman in the behind.
"While there's children to make sad, while there's candy to be had. While theres pockets left to there's grannies left to kick down the stairs I'll be there! Ill be waiting around the corner, its a game I'm glad I'm in it, because there's one born every minute."
I kicked down a door as more people saw me. "And its so easy when you evil! This is the life you see the devil, tips his hat to me! I do it all because I'm evil! And I do it all for free .your tears are all the pay I'll ever need!"
I took a flag put of my coat and placed it into the ground and saluted to it"I, pledge! My alliegence, toooooo all things dark and I, promise on my damned soul, to, do as I am told. Lord, beezlebub has never seen, a soldier quite like me! Not, only does his job, but does it happily!"
I blended into the walls as eyes appeared. "I'm the fear that keeps you awake! I'm the shadow on the walls! I'm the monster here to come. I'm the nightmare in your skull!"
Pinkies hair went flat as I poked her forehead. "I'm the dagger in your back, and extra turn upon the rack!" I turned and locked at the audience with a smile. "I'm the quivering of your heart, a sudden pain, a sudden start!"
"And its so easy when you're evil, this is the life you see the devil! Tips his hat to me! I do it all for free your tears are all the pay I'll ever need! (Repeat that last sentence like 2 times)
I slowly got on my knees "it gets so lonely, being evil. What I'd do to see a smile, even for a little while" the people in front of me got closer. "And no one loves you, when your evil" everybody gave me a hug.
I pushed them all away, making them scatter across the room. "I'm lying through my teeth! Your tears are all the comforting I need!"
Just then Twilight appeared with a couple of guards with her, I know where this is going. Twilight looked around shocked to see the damage I have caused.
"Halt! In the name of celestia I command you come with us!" One of the guards told me, pointing a spear at me. I sighed, popped my back, knuckles and a couple of other bones and smile widely.
"No" I simply said and ran away sticking my tongue out at them. They threw spears at me and one was aiming for my ass "Oh boooy!" I said as I turned into mist and headed towards a castle in the distance. I landed I'm the front gates, ran inside and closed the doors.
Only to be met with many guards pointing lots of weapons at me. "Let me see him!" Somebody shouted, obviously female. All of a sudden a white aura surrounded me and I was levitated towards a woman, she's has a white dress, fur, horn, and most of all nice tits! He also had a crown though.
"So you're the one Twilight was talking about huh? Hmmmmm guards! Leave us!" As the princess studied me all of the guards left. When everyone was gone she brought me closer to her grinning face. A bit past my comfort zone.
She then spoke "Twilight never said you were such a handsome man, tell me are you attracted to me" My God even when she spoke I felt as if I was being violated.
But like the smooth Guy I am I answered "Not even in the slightest now can you put me down before somebody gets hurt" she just giggle and smiled wider.
"I like it when hey play hard to get" as she brought me closer to her breasts I was suddenly saved! "Sister! What are you doing!" The voice said. I was dropped and I saw the woman who saved me. She had a midnight blue dress, fur, horn, wings, a flowing hair just like her "sister" except it lit up like a night sky. I liked this one better, for obvious reasons.
"Luna! I was just talking to the man Twilight explained to us in her letter! Nothing more." The one, I assumed was Celestia, said.
Luna walked up to me as I stood up, dusting myself off. "I'm sorry my sister always acts like this, I'm Luna, I control the moon and this is my sister Celestia. She controls the sun." Luna told me. Just then Twilight came in, her hair messed up, and she was breathing heavily.
She slowly walked up to the princess and trying to catch her breath in the process. She tried to speak "Princess *pant* Alucard is *pant* evil *pant* singing *pant* candy *pant**pant* viagra" She then leaned on Celestia.
Celestia pouted at me and asked "Is this true Alucard?"
I slowly walked away but was then grabbed by her damn magic again. "Let me go devil woman!" I couldn't find a way to break free from her grasp.
"Alucard, you have been here for a short while and already you have made a name for yourself. I'm sorry but for now we will have to keep you in the dungeon." Luna told me. "Hey I haven't done any crimes...on this planet."
"Its either the dungeon or my sisters room" Luna told me. I stared at Luna, then back at celestia, and then at Luna again.
"Alright then fine!" I answered "but I am going to get both of you"
"Is that a threat?" Luna asked. I smiled widely and answered. "It's a promise"
I laughed loudly as guards took me to a dungeon and threw me in a cell. I chuckle as I stood up and quickly ran to the bars, startling the guards. I chuckled and sat down in the cell. Then I heard someone speak.
"What are you in for?" She asked me. I looked across the room and saw a girl. I swear half the population of this place are women. She had blue fur, a cap and wizard hat with starts on them, and to top it off, a tuxedo and pants to match. How quaint.
"For being evil I think, I guess it was a precaution, and what about you?" I replied. She stood up and boasted her chest with her head high in the air.
"I am the Great and Powerful Trixie! And I'm in here because the masses couldn't handle my raw talents!"
"You were a Hooker?" I asked her.
"What? No! The Great and Powerful Trixie would perform on stages!"
"So you were a stripper then" I told her.
She said in defeat and sat back down and blew her hair out of her face.
"I tried to enslave the town" she said "Now I need to face the punishment."
"How many years?" I asked her. She replied with "Oh I'm not in prison, I live here."
I wondered what she meant until I looked around. There was a mattress, a TV, a window, and a toilet. How did i not see this?
"Well then what is your punishment?" I asked her. She buried herself in her cape and blushed a little.
"The princess "personally" punishes me." She answered. At first it took me awhile to figure it out, but once I did i bursted out laughing.
"So you're like they're personal whore!" I said as I laughed even louder, but it slowly died down as I stood up and phased through the bars. I looked back at Trixie and tipped my hat to her "You enslaved a town and you have my respect for that" I walked away and up a round of stairs.
Its time I keep that promise I made.
Cristian: Oh shit! This is intense!
Cesar: I'm telling mom you said that!
Cristian: You said cheeky dick waffle, and I'm pretty damn sure its pass you bed time.
*Cesar runs out* Cristian: haha! Yeah. Anyway that was that chapter, my friend Alex told me to make it longer. No regrets. Anyway another thanks to Alex for editing my story. Do all that Goood stuff with my story. Tell your grandpa about it bye!