All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer
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Chapter 10 – Sweet Dreams
EDWARD
I wasn't sure what to talk about when I was with Bella, but she usually took control of the conversation. She asked me about my family a couple of times, but I carefully steered away from the topic. She didn't talk about her parents. I remembered that she'd said she was an only child, so at least I knew that much about her.
I noticed she was a little bit sassier when she was menstruating, but there was no way I would tell her that. I found it more entertaining than threatening. There really wasn't anything threatening about Bella. Of course, at the same time, I thought she could easily crush my soul. For some reason, I needed her. I didn't know why, but I just did. It was important to me that she was alive and had what she needed.
I didn't really know how or when it happened, but somehow my life's focus went from me surviving, to making sure Bella survived. I wondered if Alice had seen that.
I had to admit, the silence was comfortable. I figured it would be difficult for me to adjust to hearing everyone again, once we were rescued. I didn't want that. Just hearing Jacob's innocence was enough. I didn't want to hear the ugly thoughts of the rest of the human race.
I would love to be able to hear Bella and figure out what was really going on in her head, because sometimes I would see her watching me, and the look on her face was unsettling, like she was unsure of me. I was afraid the truth of my life was seeping through. I could only hide it for so long, but Alice hadn't insisted that I tell her.
It pained me to keep the truth from her, but I was too scared that she'd run away from me if she found out. I didn't think I could handle it if the only person who could speak to me only yelled for me to leave her alone. I needed her to want me to stay. I didn't know why, I just did.
BELLA
Edward was a mystery. He never spoke of his family, but from the way he flinched when I asked, I was pretty sure he had one. He still hadn't even told me his last name.
It was silly. I felt like I was falling for a man, and I didn't even know his last name. I could see in his eyes that he was in a lot of pain. He seemed so scared of me, and I didn't understand it. Even in my PMS moodiness, I didn't think I was that scary.
I had taken to hanging out with Edward, instead of going off on my own. He'd said he would make an effort to talk to me more, so I decided to do my best to take advantage of it. Often, it was just me talking and him humming answers in response.
I spoke of cooking and different recipes I would like to try. I talked of things I missed, like air conditioning and falling asleep in the bathtub.
I told him about my amazing cookies and promised him once we got back that I would make him some. It was when I said that that, I noticed his flinch. "No, no that's okay, Bella, you don't have to bother with me," he said.
At first, I thought he didn't think I was good enough to associate with, but when I confronted him on it, he just shook his head no sadly.
"I'm no good, Bella," he said so quietly I almost missed it. "It'd be best if you just forgot about me when we got back. I'm not someone you want to associate yourself with."
I was mad at him for saying that. He wasn't bad. I knew he wasn't bad. He'd saved a baby. He took care of us and chased after mountain lions. He was good. I was sure of it, but someone had convinced him he was bad.
"You're not bad!" I said with as much conviction as possible.
He just shook his head at me and walked away.
I was glad I was carrying Jacob on my back, so when I shoved him and he stumbled, I didn't feel guilty. "Don't you walk away from me!"
He stopped, but didn't look up.
"Edward, I'm making you cookies, whether you like it or not! I don't care what the fuck is going on with you at home, you will eat my cookies!" I realized I sounded a little crazy, obsessing about needing to feed him cookies. "Why don't you want me, Edward?"
His eyes shot up to mine with a look of panic in them. We'd only been talking for a few weeks now, but I knew it was just me talking, not him. I knew I must've been a pest that he was dying to get rid of.
"You will eat my cookies!" I said storming off, trying to hide how crazy I was feeling and how upset I was.
I stormed back to our little house he had built for us. I set Jacob on the bed and curled up next to him and started crying.
I felt little Jacob patting me, trying to comfort me the way I would comfort him. I looked up at his little face, and he looked so worried. I felt guilty for upsetting the baby.
He pushed into my arms, and I hugged him, crying harder. I didn't know how long I'd been crying, but Edward walked in, clearing his throat.
"Bella," he sounded worried as he said my name. I set Jacob down next to me to see what Edward had to say. I looked up to see he had a large bouquet of flowers. "I'd like to taste your cookies," he said timidly, "If you'll let me."
I didn't know why it was so important to me, but it was. I ended up throwing myself into his arms and crying my eyes out. I hated that I was acting like such a girl. I didn't know why I was so damn weepy, but it was getting annoying.
"After Jacob goes to sleep. I'd like to talk to you," he said seriously. He was shifting from foot to foot nervously.
I kissed his cheek and got to cooking dinner. I saw him touch his cheek and smile. Yes, I knew Edward was good. Bad people didn't smile like that when they were kissed on the cheek.
He really was sweet.
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