Chapter Eighteen Summary:After the cookout, Jacob tells Sam, Lantash, and Daniel that they need to decide when to do the exchange and he suggests the next day after their meeting or the day after that. Knowing it was coming, they agree and tell Jacob that they will decide after they have had a chance to discuss when they want to do it. They promise to give them their decision the next morning. After that conversation becomes general, they have an evening meal, and then Sam, Daniel, and Lantash make their decision.
Mer Cor – My Heart
Ann'wyld- Beloved
Mer Ann'wyld – My Beloved
Mer Ma'tae kea – My Cherished One
"Italics" – Symbiote-Host Communication
Author's Note: For those wanting to know, Daniel and Lantash's blending will take place during Chapters Twenty and Twenty-one...as I have them labeled, not as ff net has them labeled. By their count it will be Chapters Twenty-one and Twenty-two.
Always Be Ours
Chapter Eighteen
Decision Time
Sam let her breath out slowly, but it didn't seem to help. Something about hearing her father say that she must make the decision to part with Lantash, even though it was something she was already well aware of, sent a wave of pain through her. Without Daniel's arm holding her up, and Lantash whispering in her mind, she truly believed she would've sank to the floor from the agony. Reaching down somewhere deep within her, she pulled the strength to keep her expression neutral and her knees locked, as she nodded once to her father, before saying, "Yes, I suppose that's a decision that Daniel, Lantash, and I need to make." She paused for a moment before asking quietly, "How quickly do you need our decision?"
"Soon, Sam. With the acceleration of the baby's growth, it's becoming ever more imperative that Lantash either become dormant or make the exchange. Every day you wait brings the consequences closer."
Sam nodded and then smiled tiredly, "I know, Dad; Lantash is monitoring the babies, and we've talked about it."
"Let's sit down, Sam. There's no reason for you to have to stand up for this conversation. Come on," Daniel coaxed her toward the plush, soft, sofa. All Sam did was nod in agreement, as the three of them became comfortable.
After sitting down, Daniel asked, "What are your plans for the meeting? When are we going to all get together and take care of that?"
Per'sus stood, as he answered Daniel's question, as he was imparting some important information of which they were unaware, "I have given this situation much thought, as has your President Hayes, and we have discussed it, as well. We agree that we should not be the only ones within our respective administrations who are aware of what has occurred. Therefore, we agreed to bring two more highly placed individuals into our respective groups. We have each chosen those whom we feel are above suspicion. He will be informing his two most trusted chiefs of staff. I have requested that Garshaw come to the SGC tomorrow and plan to stay for a few days. She will then inform Ma'ashat when she returns. George is aware of her impending arrival, and he and I will greet and bring her here," he smiled slightly, "after she is appropriately attired for the Tau'ri world, of course. Her arrival should be shortly after we break our fast, which will be around nine of your clock."
"I believe that once she arrives, and we bring her here to Daniel and Sam's home would be the most opportune time to begin the meeting. As with Malek, we will not inform her until she arrives here. Whereas it was felt that Lantash should be the one to explain to Malek, there is also the safety factor, which was actually an even more important consideration in not explaining to him. The same is true for Garshaw and Yosuf. It will simply be safer to discuss it here." Seeing their puzzled looks, he expanded on his statements about secrecy, saying, "While we feel that George's office is, in all probability, quite secure, there is always the chance that someone would hear something simply by walking by the door. Unlikely, we know, however, we still do not wish to take that chance. It is very important that whichever System Lord did this does not learn of Lantash's survival."
"Is this agenda acceptable to everyone? Are there any questions or suggestions?" Per'sus brought his speech to a close.
After noting the nods of approval and no questions were forthcoming, Daniel told them, "In that case, Per'sus, I believe that Sam, Lantash, and I will make our decision tonight. Have you discussed anything about…about the exchange? Is there anything that we should know before we can make that decision? I mean," he cleared his throat, before continuing, "have you decided who is doing what and…and a time frame for…after?"
Selmak fielded this one, saying quietly, "Yes, Daniel, we talked for a very short time this evening, while you were busy with your guests. Anise, Per'sus, Malek, and I will remain, for as long as you need us; however, that means the optimum time for the exchange is within the next two days. As High Councilor, Per'sus cannot be away from his base, or out of touch with the remainder of the Tok'Ra, for an extended period. We requested that Garshaw make arrangements to be away for several days as well. Since we have all made arrangements to be away for several days at this time, and because Lantash's situation is becoming ever more vulnerable and precarious, we feel that perhaps tomorrow or the day after would be optimum if that timeframe is acceptable to the three of you."
"Samantha, Ann'wyld, I wish to answer, if you do not mind," Lantash told her softly, as a shaft of pain enveloped her.
"Of course, Lantash.This is as much your decision as it is Daniel's decision or mine. Go ahead," Sam, agreed. She gave him a warm hug, as well, as she did what she was becoming so adept at doing and shoved the pain away, burying it, at least for the time being.
As they talked, Sam squeezed Daniel's hand, as it was obvious that he was about to answer. Instead of doing so, he looked at her to see what she wanted and saw Lantash take control. He nodded slightly indicating that he understood.
Lantash came fore, saying, "Yes, that is acceptable and, as was indicated earlier, we have discussed the possibility that we would make the exchange during this weekend after our meeting. If staying will be a hardship or cause problems for any one of you, please do not feel you must stay. If we must, I believe that we could trust Arwanna and Daimesh to say nothing and, perhaps, we could bring them here to oversee the process. Selmak, if you and Malek could stay, then perhaps Arwanna would be enough."
Knowing that Lantash was indicating him more than the others, Per'sus answered, swiftly, "That is not necessary, Lantash. I have left my affairs in quite capable hands, they can contact me at any time through the SGC, and not least of all, I wish to be here and tend to the three of you. It will be neither an inconvenience nor a hardship for me to be here. In fact, it is proving to be quite relaxing. I am rather enjoying being away and not constantly having problems to solve, decisions to make, and questions to answer. I am beginning to believe that all of our people should be sent somewhere every few months so that they, too, can relax and come back refreshed."
Anise was nodding as Per'sus spoke and feeling that she, too, must reassure them that she had no qualms about the situation, she added her comments, "I, too, wish very much to attend to the three of you, Lantash, and I will stay as long as you have need of me. It is the very least I can do considering that the circumstances are a direct result of my negligence. Over and above that, although you and I and…Martouf, often disagreed on how to accomplish our goals, that did not mean that I disliked either of you. I have always respected you, Lantash, regardless our frequent opposing viewpoints, and I feel the same about Martouf. He was a very personable, likable, and diplomatic individual, and I will miss him. Many of the Tok'Ra miss the two of you. Do not believe that you are not mourned, for you are, quite deeply," she assured him, her sincerity palpable and indisputable.
After succeeding in getting both his and Samantha's emotions under control, he responded to both Per'sus and Anise, "I appreciate your willingness to attend to us. It will relieve my mind to know that you are all here with us and are caring for my Samantha and my Daniel. I…we…thank you all, and we will give you our decision tomorrow as to which day it will be."
Sam's eyes glowed as Lantash once more retreated, returning control to her. "I want to thank all of you, as well. It will ease my mind knowing that people who can respond to any emergency that might arise will watch over Lantash and Daniel."
Daniel nodded, adding, "Sam speaks for all of us. We are all very appreciative and Lantash and I are very thankful to know that Malek will watch and care for, Sam. Thank you."
That seemed to be the statement that closed that topic, and they all tacitly agreed not to revisit it again until the next day. Jacob came fore and turned to Per'sus asking him about something that happened on his base, Anise turned to Malek with a request for an opinion on a recent experiment, and the conversation turned to general discussions for quite some time.
Sam wasn't paying attention. She was talking to Lantash,
"Aren't you going to tell them what you suspect, Lantash? That's information they should have for them to begin trying to find out who turned you and, well, the two of you."
"I do not believe that tonight is the optimum time to impart that information, my love. While it would ease Anise's mind at once, it would get us into a discussion, which will be emotionally trying for them all. Furthermore, there is no reason to tell them tonight, and then repeat it to Garshaw tomorrow. Besides, that, there is every chance that it happened on her base, as I only left there to go to the other bases twice."
He sighed deeply before telling her the remainder of what he realized since they first talked about it, "Not only that, Samantha, but the more thought I have given the situation, I have realized that even our going to the other bases is irrelevant. After thinking about it more, I have realized that the first time I left our base, only a very, very limited set of people knew about the summit. No one outside of those people could possibly have known. The second time, it was still early in the process, and again, although a few more knew of it, the summit was still not common knowledge. Furthermore, those that did know were above reproach, I am quite sure of that. Those are the things that Anise based her decision not to test us on. Not only did I only leave twice, and then only to travel to another base, but also at the time I went, as far as she knew, the summit had not been announced yet. Which it had not. I was one of very few that knew about it. The fact that I knew about the summit at the time I left the base is what threw my calculations off. I simply did not take into account that no one else would have known at that time. Therefore, the odds would indicate Garshaw's base," Lantash's anger stirred as he contemplated the fact that there was little doubt that there was a spy amongst the Tok'Ra once again.
There was nothing Sam could do to soothe that hurt; however, she could give him the support, understanding, and love that he needed. She caressed him gently before softly saying, "You know, love, it doesn't have to have been someone on Garshaw's base, even in those circumstances. It could very well have been someone from one of the other bases. People from the other bases often travel between them, and it could have been someone who was there for only a day or even a few hours. As for telling them tonight, I believe you're correct. Telling them tonight would gain nothing, except to give them a disturbed night's sleep. It will wait until tomorrow."
Lantash caressed her sending her all the love he held for her. "I love you, my Samantha." Knowing that she was already mourning their parting, although she was attempting to shield him from that fact, he told her lovingly, "Please do not grieve so for our parting, Mer Ann'wyld. Look instead to the future beyond that to the day that I will once more hold you in my arms and make love to you, an event we have both begun to crave."
Sam sent him a brief, though somewhat sad, smile before agreeing with him, "I know we have, Mer Ma'tae kea, and I do look forward to that, I promise you. It's only that I'll miss having our conversations. It will pass, I know."
"It will. Once our sons arrive, you will be too busy to miss me, and then once our daughters join us, you will be able to blend, and the uncomfortable sense of solitude will then fade completely. In the meantime, Daniel and I will do our very best to help you, Samantha," he assured her.
Sam was watching Daniel as he shifted in his seat for about the fifth time, but before she could ask him what was bothering him, he took action, and she smiled at him.
As a short lull appeared in the conversations, Daniel stood, asking, "Would anyone like anything to eat or drink? I know we had a cookout earlier, but that was actually quite a few hours ago now, and we haven't had the evening meal, yet. I'm beginning to get a little peckish, er, that is, hungry. So, we do have a few options. There were several things left over from the cookout, we could order takeout and have it delivered, or we could go out to eat. It's entirely up to you. Left over hamburgers and hot dogs aren't the greatest reheated, but they're edible, even if they aren't as good as when they come fresh off the grill."
Looking over at Sam and seeing the strain and tiredness on her face, Jacob looked at Daniel to see that he, also, had noticed how very tired she looked, and answered. "While I think it would be a nice thing to do, I don't much feel like going out to eat. I don't really feel like leftovers, either. I vote for take-out. How about you, Daniel? What do you think we should do?" Jacob asked him, knowing that the others, while they would probably enjoy seeing a little more of the Tau'ri world, would not mind staying here and just relaxing, something they could so rarely do when they were on base.
"I would agree, Jacob. Does anyone else have any preferences?" Daniel asked as he gazed around the sitting area at all of them.
Also catching Daniel's concerned gaze as he looked at Samantha, as well as seeing her obvious tiredness, Malek spoke up, telling him, "I believe I would like to experience this thing you call "taking out". Lantash said that it is one of the things here on the Tau'ri world, which make no sense, but that work quite well."
As the discussion going on around them was about food, Sam suddenly realized that she was actually quite hungry. She ate very little during the cook-out, as her nausea felt as if it was just out of sight but would take little to encourage it to come roaring back. However, now, her nausea was completely gone and she was very ready to sate that hunger. She switched her attention from her stomach back to Daniel.
"Is that okay with everyone then?"
After seeing the various looks and shrugs followed by nods and yeses, he asked them, "Okay, what do you want? No wait; there's no point in asking you that because you won't know what to ask for." He turned to Jacob, eyebrows raised as he inquired, "Any suggestions, Jacob? You know what's available and Selmak has been here on and off, so he might know what kind of stuff everyone would like."
"Hmm…well, I'm not really sure, Daniel, but Selmak says Italian. You guys do the takeout thing a lot and know which places have good food. Maybe you should choose."
Sam jumped in before Daniel could start a debate about the different types of food available, saying, "Italian is fine, Daniel. Order four or five lasagna plates, about four or five of spaghetti, two or three rigatoni, two large supreme Pizzas, two large super supreme Pizzas, oh, and a couple of plates of cannelloni, that sounds really good, too, and a large cheese and pepperoni pizza. Mm, okay, and get lots of cheesy bread sticks and garlic bread. Oh, and extra sauce Daniel, lots of extra sauce." Sam frowned. "Would you mind getting some shrimp Alfredo from Henri's, too, Daniel? That sounds like it would go really well with the spaghetti, lasagna, and pizza."
As Daniel stared wide-eyed at Sam, stunned by her order, Jacob started to laugh. Daniel's eyes swung to him, but before he could say anything, Jacob told him, "Her mom's food cravings started about the same time as the morning sickness did, Daniel. Moreover, because she couldn't keep food down part of the time, when she wasn't nauseated, she ate like farm hand. You might as well get used to it, because it didn't go away."
Before Daniel could reply, Sam reached up and pulled on his hand saying, "Chocolate cake and cherry pie, as well, Daniel. I want some of Henri's chocolate cake and that divine cherry pie they make. Do we have any chocolate and coffee flavored ice cream left?"
Dazed, Daniel just nodded and headed for the phone hoping they had room between the house fridge and the garage fridge, for lots of leftovers. True there were several people who needed to eat, but the amount of food Sam had ordered would feed them tonight and probably tomorrow at lunch as well. Maybe she had the right idea after all. This way it would already be here and he wouldn't have to order again until tomorrow night…which he suspected he wouldn't be doing, as he and Lantash would be in a deep, deep sleep state after they blended. He was pretty sure that Sam would opt to do it tomorrow rather than have to anticipate it happening one more day. Once it was a fact and accomplished, the dread and anticipation of their parting would be over. It would then be a fact and the adjustment would begin.
"All of those things sound very good, my love. I could not decide which would be better, either," Lantash told her as he thought over her order to see if there was anything else that they had a taste for right now. Shrimp cocktail floated through his mind and Sam jumped up to go to Daniel before he finished his ordering.
Standing by him, she waited until he asked whoever was on the other end to hold for a moment. "Could you get Lantash some shrimp cocktail, Daniel?" She frowned before adding, "Actually, that does sound really good. Get me some, too, Daniel, and probably enough that everyone can have some, if they want it." Daniel rolled his eyes, sighed, nodded his agreement, and returned to his phone call to finish his order. Sam smiled and leaning over kissed his cheek, before murmuring, "Thank you, Daniel. I love you. We love you."
Shaking his head at her, he smiled and leaned over giving her soft sweet lips a quick caress with his before he returned to answer the person taking his order
Sam returned to the sofa and Anise joined her. The two women weren't friends by any stretch of the imagination; however, she'd shown a different side of herself today, as had Freya and Sam was willing to hold back on making a snap judgment. Lantash snorted in her head. Sam frowned at him. "Be nice, Lantash. Even though you disagree with many of their methods, you still respect them as scientists and historians, and don't try to tell me you don't, because I happen to be in your head, and I can feel it. If you don't want to talk to her, then stay quiet and I will."
Lantash relented saying, "Yes, I do, but that does not mean I wish to converse with her at the moment."
"Then it's a good thing that I don't mind, isn't it? I wish to get to know her better, Lantash. Someday we'll be going to the tunnels to spend time there, and I would like to have some familiar and friendly faces there. It will be much more pleasant if I do."
"All right, my love, I can see your point. I will say nothing else."
Sam grinned before saying, "I'll believe that when it actually comes to pass."
Turning slightly toward Anise, she greeted her, "Hi Anise, how are you and Freya? I'm sorry I didn't even have time to say hello today. I appreciate your help after the cookout, too."
"You are very welcome, Samantha, and Freya and I are both fine. I realized that you were very busy and Colonel O'Neill was amazingly polite and quite entertaining. Major Courtland was very helpful as well as being pleasant company. I wanted to tell you that Freya and I had a very enjoyable time today. The Tok'Ra do not often have social events, although we enjoy them when we do. I sometimes believe that the Tok'Ra would be better if they did occasionally relax. I must agree with Per'sus about that, although, some of us find our work somewhat relaxing, when there is no pressure to complete something or discover the cause of something unpleasant. I am quite sure you and Daniel would both agree with that, as you both enjoy your chosen fields of expertise, do you not?" Anise's answer was longer and made in a more pleasant tone than Sam had ever heard from her.
She nodded before verbally confirming her supposition, "Yes, Daniel and I both enjoy what we do. Most others don't understand that it's relaxing, though. I know that the Colonel sees it as work, and when we prefer to work on a project instead of going out on the town it often puzzles him. He's become more reconciled to it over time, however, which is a good thing, since both Daniel and I can become lost to everything else, once we begin an interesting project."
Anise smiled as she agreed, "I understand for Freya and I are often that way as well. Malek, too, if he becomes involved in a project, can block out the world around him. He does not often have time to become involved anymore, though, and I believe that is part of why he was becoming so driven and uncommunicative. It is a relief to see him acting as he was used to do. He was a great deal of fun, a few centuries ago; however, he has become more and more solemn as those years have passed. Many of his friends will be glad to see him return to us. As I watched him suffer over Lantash and Martouf's demise, it was very difficult not to reassure him that Lantash, at least, lived. I had given my word to tell no one, so…" Her voice trailed off, as she remembered how much the loss of his friends affected Malek—and Devlin, too. "The four of them were very good friends."
Sam replied, "Yes, I know. Lantash's wish that he could tell him is the reason we made arrangements for him to be here, and become involved in this, er, project. He's thrilled at the change in both him and Devlin, as he says that Devlin, too, appears to be more relaxed."
Anise indicated that she heard Sam's response, although she said nothing more for a while. Finally, she turned back to her, and drawing a deep breath, she said, "Samantha, I wish you to know how very much I regret not checking Martouf and Lantash. I still do not understand why I did not do so. I realize that it does not compensate for his loss, however, I want you to know that we believe we are very close to finding out how a za'tarc is made and how to guard against it. If we do, we will share that information with you. It will also mean that Martouf's life was not lost in vain. I believe that he would be glad that we will be able to stop it from occurring and killing yet again. Even so, I would give anything if it had not happened."
It was quite clear that Anise's sorrow and regret were sincere; however, it also brought the Gateroom scene into stark relief, as it played out for Sam once again. Her eyes flared as Lantash took control to answer his fellow Tok'Ra. "We thank you, Anise. Nor do we blame you for what occurred. We will be discussing this in more depth tomorrow during our meeting, but please do not dwell on it. As you say, Martouf would be very happy to know that he has helped the cause by giving us information to protect the remainder of his comrades. Samantha wishes me to tell you that she feels the same. You must understand that she is not yet able to talk about losing him without experiencing a great deal of pain. Neither, for that matter, can I."
Anise bowed her head in acknowledgment of his comments. "I should not have brought the subject up yet. I assumed she would wish to know that we have figured some of it out and feel that we are close to succeeding. I am sorry for upsetting her, Lantash."
He shook his head, stating calmly, "She is very glad you told her, Anise. She does wish to know how you are coming with learning what we need to know. Please do not fear to talk to either of us about it, for we are both very interested in the outcome. It will give us some consolation as time passes, of that I am very sure."
Seeing Daniel begin to set out his set of TV trays, he smiled slightly at her before commenting, "I must go and help Daniel find places for us to eat our meal. It appears that he plans to eat in a very casual way instead of using the table. If you will excuse me?"
"Of course, Lantash and thank you."
He nodded, and with another slight smile, he stood and made his way over to his soon to be Lifemate. "Daniel, how do you wish to accomplish this? What can I do to help you?"
Daniel looked at him sharply, but made no comment on Lantash being in control or the stoic look in his eyes. "I thought we could open everything and set it all out on the bar in the kitchen. We can put a stack of plates, napkins, and utensils out and then everyone can try a little bit of everything. I thought we would keep the causal feeling of the evening and use the trays and the coffee table to eat off. How does that sound to you?"
Now that her mind could latch onto something mundane, Sam came fore saying, "That sounds good, Daniel. What do you want me to do?"
"Clean off the coffee table, if you would. The food will be here shortly. I asked them to simply put the "plates" together in a container, so depending on what they send it in we may or may not need serving bowls. I've already set some out in case we have need of them.
"Okay, Daniel, I'm on it." Walking back toward the other room, Sam spoke softly to Lantash, her love and appreciation quite prominent, "Thank you for taking over, Lantash. I don't believe I could've answered her. The—it was so vivid. I'm sorry."
Lantash caressed her. "Do not concern yourself, My Samantha. We are both fine and as each day passes we will be more so. That I can promise you."
"I know, but thank you anyway, Mer Cor."
"You are most welcome, my love. Now, where do you plan to put these magazines?"
Glancing down at them, Sam grinned. "Well, since I believe they are Daniel's on archaeology, let's put them in the office. Sound good to you?"
"Perfect."
Their mission accomplished, they returned to the other room to find that Malek and Anise had finished clearing off the coffee table. Just as she was about to thank them, the doorbell rang, and Sam turned to go help Daniel with the food, when a hand on her shoulder stopped her. "We will all help Daniel with the food, Samantha. We will meet you in the kitchen. You and Anise can begin to arrange the food as we bring it in," Malek said as he steered her toward the kitchen.
Grinning at him, she shrugged, before giving him a mock salute and saying, "Yes, sir, commander. At once."
Malek's lips turned up in an appreciative smile, even as he shook his head at her and scolded, "You should not ridicule a base commander, Samantha. Has Lantash taught you no respect?"
Sam looked downcast and sad as she told him, "Well, he has tried, of course, but there are some things that I just can't seem to understand…if I hear him at all."
"You are incorrigible. Now go, for Anise is already in the kitchen, and there is no telling what she will do without guidance as to how one sets up a 'buffet style meal'."
"Okay, okay, I'm on my way. Sheesh, you're bossy."
He simply grinned at her that time and went to join the others at the door where Daniel was checking the orders and then passing them on to the next pair of hands to take into the kitchen. There was much laughing and joking as they sorted everything out. While Daniel was talking to the next delivery person to tell them he'd be right with them, and checking the last few containers the other one brought, Jacob paid and tipped the first one. After looking up from his conversation with the second delivery person, he asked, "Where's the other delivery guy? I haven't paid him yet."
"I took care of it, Daniel. And get that look off your face. I can pay for my future son-in-laws meal if I want to. You can take care of this one if it'll settle your ruffled feathers. I'm well aware that you could have paid for it. I just wanted to, okay?" As the other delivery person left, he turned back to him and continued, "Come on, let's go get something to eat before Sam and the rest of the locusts eat everything. I'm hungry."
Daniel threw up his hands and gave in. They headed toward the kitchen where a great deal of talking and laughing was taking place. As they got closer they could hear Per'sus saying, "But, Samantha, they look like very long white worms. Are you positive they make it from grain? They look, ah, well, not very appetizing."
Lantash came forward, to tell him, "I agree, Per'sus, and I attempted to refuse to allow Samantha to eat them the first time I saw them. She told me to close my eyes as she insisted on eating it. It is actually quite delicious, and I am now quite fond of it. All of these Italian dishes have some type of pasta in them in one form or another; however, it is only the spaghetti that is long, round and white like the wor…er, the thing to which you are comparing them." He finished putting a small amount on a plate, and covering it with a thick red sauce. "Now, close your eyes and allow your taste centers to overcome your visual centers."
Per'sus sighed, but did as Lantash requested, even though he firmly believed that he would have to stop their stomach from trying to reject it. As soon as the concoction hit his tongue, his eyes flew open and he looked at the plate Lantash held. His eyebrows rose toward his hairline and he admitted, "It is quite delicious, Lantash, you are correct. And it does not even feel as if it is…"
"No, of course it does not feel like that," Lantash cut him off before he could once again compare the spaghetti to worms.
Per'sus held out his hand. "May I have my plate now, Lantash? I believe I will try the, er, shrimps as well, even if they do look as if they have not been cooked. I have, after all, been forced to eat worse things in my life."
"I believe you will like them, as well, Per'sus, so be brave and take a chance. You dip them in this red sauce," Lantash explain as he scooped up some cocktail sauce and popped the shrimp into his mouth.
Amid much teasing and discussion of the different dishes, they each managed to try a little of everything. When they were completely stuffed, they retired to the kitchen and helped to put everything away. Daniel found a place in the fridge for the last bowl, Sam started the dishwasher, and then they all returned to the other room, where they enjoyed more pleasant conversation. It wasn't long before they were entertaining Sam and Daniel with a few stories about each other, when they were much younger and considerably wilder. It was a good enjoyable evening. Jacob and Per'sus left, after a few hours, to return to the General's house, as they would need to be up fairly early to return to the SGC to pick up Garshaw.
Once they departed, Malek and Anise both agreed that it was time to retire, since they all agreed that they wanted to have their own breakfast over before the others returned and the meeting started. Saying their goodnights in the upstairs hall, they each retreated to their respective rooms, more than ready to seek their beds.
Daniel sighed, as he put his toothbrush away after brushing his teeth. He really dreaded this conversation, but he knew it was inevitable. They'd always known it was coming. Now it was here.
Returning to their bedroom, he wasn't surprised to see Sam sitting on the window seat and staring out into the night. The lamps were out except for the one on his side of the bed; however, it was on its lowest setting. Hearing him enter the room, she turned and held out her hand to him. He took it and joined her on the seat. Looking out into the night as she was, he realized it was a very beautiful night. The moon did not dim the stars. He was so engrossed in admiring the night sky that Sam's voice startled him.
Speaking softly, but steadily, she asked him, "Do you have a preference as to when you would prefer to do the exchange, Daniel?"
Caressing the back of her hand with his thumb, he shook his head, before assuring her, "No, Sam, I don't. I'm ready to do it whenever you feel that you and Lantash are ready. You're the ones that must be prepared to face your parting. I'll simply have to deal with the aftermath of it all. You'll have to deal with your separation and all of what came before, as well as the aftermath. So, no. It's entirely up to you and Lantash, and I'll support whatever decision the two of you make."
Sam gripped his hand tightly. "Lantash is more or less leaving that decision up to me, Daniel, as he feels this will be the hardest on me. I'll be the one left alone in the silence of my mind." She smiled slightly. "I've chosen tomorrow, unless you wish to wait the extra day."
"No, Sam, tomorrow is fine with me. I thought that's what you would decide. I believe you're like me. A band-aid hurts a whole lot less if you rip it off quickly and all at once. Now that you know it's time, you wish to pull it off as soon as it's possible to do so." He paused very slightly before asking her, "Do you want to do it as soon as the meeting is over or later in the day?"
"I want to do it as soon as it's feasibly possible to do it, Daniel. So does Lantash." She laughed, a short almost harsh sound that could have been a sob just as easily. "It's odd …he wants to get it over and so do I, but he's also glad that it's going to happen soon. He's trying very hard to keep those emotions from me. He believes it will hurt me that he wants to leave me."
"Sam, I'm sure that you are misinterpreting something. There's no way that Lantash truly wants to leave you," Daniel assured her quickly.
Reaching out, Sam caressed his face. "You're always so very sweet, kind, and loving, Daniel. I love you so very much." She dropped her hand to his knee and looked out the window into the night once more. "But in this instance you are very wrong. Lantash does want to leave me…almost as much as I want him to leave me."
Daniel sat completely stunned by her words. "I—I don't know how to answer that, Sam. I just can't believe that either of you want to part from the other."
She looked surprised for a moment, as if it startled her that he didn't believe her.
Sam squeezed his knee and smiled slightly. "I'm surprised you haven't made that leap and connected the dots, Daniel. I sometimes forget that even though it sometimes appears that way, you really can't read my mind." She shook her head in disgust at herself, before continuing, "It's not that we want to part. We don't want to part…but we do want him to leave me."
Even in the low lamplight, Daniel could tell that Sam was blushing. He was still confused, but her separation of the words part and leave was picking at his brain. His mind made the jump at the same time that she began to explain.
"The urge to love Lantash physically is becoming stronger for me, Daniel. For Lantash, it's nearing an agonizing level. We want to make love while the two of you switch places so quickly that it seems as if you're both in control. I have his memories of what that feels like, you know, and it's a truly exciting sensation. You each feel what you are doing, how you are touching the woman, but you're also feeling what the other one is feeling. Therefore, you feel your own physical sensations, as well as your emotional ones, while at the same time feeling his as well. It's very stimulating if what I'm physically recalling is anything near to the truth, and I have no reason to believe it's not. Plus, he also longs to hold me and make love to me as himself. That's why we're both ready for him to leave, and that's also why I'm not hurt by his wish to join with you. Parting, though…that brings out totally different emotions. The emotions attached to that are very painful and both of us are avoiding even thinking of that part of his leaving. He can't leave me without parting from me, though, so the emotions are all mixed together."
She sat quietly saying nothing more, and Daniel sat wondering what in the world he could say to help them. "The thought of parting from him scares me, Daniel. It scares me a lot. I'm thankful that Malek will be with me because I think that the silence is what's going to be so very hard to bear. I—talked to both Anise and Malek while you, dad, and Per'sus were looking through some of your images of the worlds that aren't on the cartouche. I'm glad the President made the decision and didn't pay attention to the joint chiefs recommendations. Those planets are important to the Tok'Ra. The Goa'uld don't even know they exist, at least through the gate system, and as far as we know not at all. It's why we're going to put a beta site on one of them, and the Tok'Ra should be much safer if they put their bases on them."
She frowned and gave him a rueful look, telling him, "I'm sorry for getting off the subject, Daniel, and I'll go back there now. Malek and Anise both explained a little more about what it'll be like for me and for you, too. I know that we've talked to Malek and Lantash before, but Anise and Freya were able to go into the consequences to me, as well as to you and Lantash, from a female point of view. Anise once had a friend that lost her mate and took his symbiote for a time. Much longer than Lantash and I have been together, but still, she believes that the emotional backlash will be much the same as far as what will occur, but that, perhaps, it will be more muted than hers was."
"She told me that even wanting the mate back in a physical sense, the emotional trauma of having him gone will be quite—difficult. It seems that the silence is one of the worst parts of parting from a mate. I wasn't surprised by what they told me, as I've suspected that would be the hardest part." Seeing both his surprise and his 'Daniel's puzzlement frown', she laughed a little before explaining, "Lantash doesn't talk to me constantly, and we don't share every thought either, so it isn't that there is a silent or verbal exchange going on constantly. It's that I always know he's there if I need him and that his—presence is always with me. I dread the loss of that. On the other hand, I crave his touch." Sam shrugged. "I guess I'll find out tomorrow just how bad it will be. Anise doesn't think it will be as bad as the experience her friend lived through. I can only hope she's correct."
"I'm worried about you and Lantash, though, Daniel. It's going to be very emotionally devastating for both of you. Promise me you'll stay asleep as long as Lantash wants you to. Don't try to talk him into bringing you both out of it before he feels you're completely, deeply blended and recovered from the emotional trauma," she shrugged slightly, as she continued, "well, as much as you can be recovered anyway. Don't worry about me, either. I'll have Malek. I really believe that with Malek, I'll be fine, so promise me that you won't come out of your sleep too soon. Please."
Leaning in and kissing her lightly, he nodded briefly, before assuring her, "We won't, Sam. We'll stay under as long as it takes, I promise you."
Satisfied with his answer, it was her turn to lean in and give him a light kiss, even as she acknowledged his statement and promise.
Daniel stood and pulled her up, and into his arms. "Let's forget what tomorrow is going to bring, Sam.
"Okay, but I'm going to the bathroom first." She grimaced. "I think the ginger ale is still working through my system. I haven't had any for quite a while, so I hope this is the last pit stop for tonight." He dropped her hand, so that she could go take care of her personal needs.
He watched her walk into the bathroom and sighed. Rubbing the back of his neck, hoping to release some of the tension in his muscles there, he waited for Sam to return. By this time tomorrow, he'd be deep in an induced slumber as he joined his mind and body to Lantash's mind and body. In many ways he was looking forward to it, something he'd never have believed could happen in a million years. In another way, he was scared spitless…for all of them. This had to work. There was no room for failure.
Sam came back into the room and Daniel had to remind himself to breathe. "That's, um, it's very, ah, enticing. I don't remember seeing it before. I hope you're thinking about what I want to do to you."
Sam walked up to him and ran her hand up his chest, until she reached his shoulders, where she brushed the pajama top off his shoulders and down his arms. Taking her hand, he led her toward the bed, stopping to kiss her every other step.
Sam smiled into his eyes as he gazed into hers. "Why don't you show me what it is that you want to do to me, Daniel? Then I'll try to do the same for you. What do you think?"
As they fell onto the bed, Daniel whispered into her ear, "I think that sounds very interesting, Sam of my Heart." After running his hand up her side and palming her breast he, murmured, "It feels divine. Let's take a trip to heaven, Ann'wyld." His only answer was a moan of desire. They were already part way there.
TBC