A Spark of Genius

by michaelsuave

Xander Harris was never called a genius, but after a different choice of Halloween costumes he is hit with a 'spark' of mad genius, the abilities that go with it, and flung into a far different world. Come and enjoy the madness. GirlGenius vers costume. HIATUS

42. Chapter 42: BOHICA

Spark of Genius

Disclaimer: I don't own Buffy verse, Girl Genius verse, DC comics or any of the other smatterings of pop culture and literary ideas that I refer to in my story, I just tread through a few other sandboxes. Oh, and several names are made up, some are real, but the facts have been changed to protect the corrupt and innocent equally.

AN: Chapter 42 is here, and it was written a heck of a lot faster than 41 because I didn't have to weave so many character conversations to be just right. The next few chapters will be a bit of character development and interaction, so those of you who like the deeper thinking and relational aspects should enjoy it. For those of you who come here for the chaos and action, well there will definitely be a buildup in both, climaxing in another huge war/battle; at the end of this chapter you should know what is coming. ;-) Thank you to everyone who reviewed, recommended, pm'd and gave me your thoughts and introspection which help me tighten up and weave the story. Cheers!

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'Thought'

"Speech"

/foreign language/

Chapter 42: B.O.H.I.C.A.

Sex takes up the least amount of time and causes the most amount of trouble.

If the effort that went in research on the female bosom had gone into our space program, we would now be running hot-dog stands on the moon.

It's always easier to get a partner if you already have one.

If a man speaks deep in the forest and there is no woman there to hear him; is he still wrong?

The two things no man can ever understand; Women and what makes all men complete damn fools over women.

~Murphy's Laws of Love

Xander was in trouble, only he didn't even know the half of what was coming his way. The Spark, that force which Xander had been imbibed with, that creative force of creation, that essence of the God wave was by its very nature pure chaos; powerful powerful Chaos.

With that in mind, the forces of the universe were ever swirling around Xander, an anomaly in his dimension and even the time stream, and through the earlier part of the night everything had been going amazingly well for Xander. Well it was at this point that Lady luck had decided that it had been far too long since Xander had a rash of bad luck similar to the time where Xander woke up hovering at 15,000 feet above his bed. Now Karma partially disagreed and suggested balance was needed. What started as a polite disagreement between the powers of fate, namely Lady Luck and Karma, soon devolved into a chaotic catfight where Murphy was serving popcorn and taking bets with Chaos. Ultimately good or bad would be in the eye of the beholder, however nobody disagreed that Xander was about to experience a state of life that could best be described by the Military acronym of B.O.H.I.C.A. When spelled out, B.O.H.I.C.A means "Bend Over, Here It Comes Again," and it is one acronym that rates up there with SNAFU, and FUBAR. These are all nice abbreviations for saying "Congratulations! You're Screwed! Now have a nice day." Thus was Xander's life.

Yes, everything about the Gala and the opening of the Embassy had been going Xander's way up until that point. What point you may ask? Well the point where Charlie decided to dance the Foxtrot at Xander's Gala, and he had brought the Murphy sisters as his dancing partners.

"WHAT!" was shouted at the same time by Xander, Artemis, Cassandra, Dina, as well as the rest of the Valkyries.

"I'll Kill her! Nobody marries my man before I do! Let me go! Let me go Dina!" Artemis screamed in rage as she was held back by Dina, several other Valkyries helped to keep Artemis from murdering Wonder Woman who just stared at the Valkyrie in shock.

With that, Chaos decided to throw its two cents into the mix, and the craziness was off and running round the bend and making for the straight away.

Xander shook his head to clear his thoughts, however it was incredibly hard to think over the sound of Xander's inner voice of his libido as the voice galloped about the inside of Xander's head with a fake wooden horse between its legs, sword in hand, blowing the cavalry charge on a bugle and screaming, 'For the Harem! Charge!'

Xander thumped himself on the side of his head and looked down at the now stunned Hippolyta and Diana who were staring aghast at the dog pile of silver armored Valkyries who were pile driving onto the struggling Artemis. Even more amazing and disconcerting was the fact that the one red plumed Artemis was somehow dragging the entire pack of Valkyries ever closer to the stunned pair of Amazons.

As if that wasn't enough, the A.I. of Castle Wulfenbach decided to try and interrupt. "Um, Mein Leader? I've just intercepted a telephone call from the women's bathroom, and we have a problem."

"Not now Von Pinn." Xander stated with a dismissive wave of his hand before focusing on Hippolyta and Diana, "I'm sorry, did you just offer me your daughter Diana in marriage?" Xander asked patiently through the speaker system of his helmet, he was still too stunned to show much excitement in his voice despite the chaos around him.

"I'll Kill Her!" Artemis yelled again, and several other Valkyries added their weight to the dog pile in order to keep their war-leader from attacking the Amazon delegates.

Hippolyta looked from The Leviathan, then back at Artemis who was piled under about eight other silver armored women. By this point Artemis was fighting dirty, attempting to give her own sister Dina a titty-twister while trying to knee another Valkyrie in the crotch.

Hippolyta could only look back at The Leviathan and nod, wide eyed at the unexpected reaction to her peace offering.

'Don't fire till you see the whites of their eyes! Now Charge Boys! For the Harem!' The voice of Xander's libido screamed, running across the back of Xander's mind while somehow having changed his American Civil War era cavalry uniform into that of an American Revolutionary War era Minute Man uniform and hoisting a long bayonet capped musket. Libido had also convinced Xander's inner voice of Insanity to join in, only Insanity's uniform was on backwards and baby blue with ruffles, and Insanity carried a giant rubber chicken instead of a musket.

Xander shook his head again and leaned forward in his throne.

"Sir, you really should know about this." Von Pinn tried to interrupt again, however Xander ignored the AI.

Xander rested his elbows on his knees to repeat his question, "I think I'm still hearing you wrong, you're offering Wonder Woman to me to be my wife?" Xander still couldn't get it through his head as he had been totally taken for a loop. The Leviathan looked back and forth between the two Amazons, totally ignoring the rolling catfight that was now traveling from one side of his throne room to the other in a knock down drag out brawl; only made worse by the fact that all of the participants were evenly matched and wearing full powered armor.

'Damn the torpedoes, full libido ahead!' Xander's inner libido was now wearing an 1870's bicorn hat and full Admiral's regalia, insanity was dressed as a pirate and stood beside Libido while repeatedly firing off a cannon that shot confetti and live chickens all throughout the conference room in Xander's mind.

"I'll Kill- Urk!" Artemis ranted again, only for a right cross from her sister Dina to knock Artemis's head back and right into the waiting headlock of another Valkyrie.

Hippolyta and Diana cringed at the blow, only to nod their heads to The Leviathan's question as their eyes were firmly glued on the fight as Artemis engaged her flight capabilities and dragged the entire pile of kicking and punching Valkyries up to smash against the ceiling, only for the whole group of them to plummet to the ground with a "THUD" of tangled arms and legs.

A loud 'BONG!' sound reverberated inside Xander's mind, as the voice of Reason finally had enough of Libido and decided to take the matter into hand via a frying pan to the back of Libido's head. Libido dropped like a sack of potatoes as Reason's frying pan caved in Libido's bicorn hat and knocked Libido out. With Libido out of action, Insanity lost interest quickly and started trying to catch glow in the dark butterflies while skipping about in a little red riding hood outfit.

Xander shook his head, finally able to think over the sound in his head and the now completed fight in the throne room; the Valkyries were all moaning on the floor in a tangled pile as their nano-clanks healed their injuries.

"Um, I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to say No-" The Leviathan started to say to Hippolyta, only for Igor to interrupt loudly.

"Excuse me Sir." Igor stated, stepping forward and cutting The Leviathan off abruptly; something totally out of character for the head minion.

Xander, still out of sorts by the whole situation, turned to his Chief minion while continuing to talk, "I really don't want to have anything to do with an arranged marriage, especially not without love in the picture. What is it Igor?" The Leviathan questioned his minion as Igor actually seemed to be getting agitated by Xander's statement. That is, Igor actually shifted his weight from side to side briefly, all in all a heck of a lot more reaction than Igor usually showed about anything other than bloodshed.

"Well Sir, you may be unaware. However ancient tradition mandates that if you refuse a peace offering of a marriage to a rival royal family, then honor dictates that you have in fact declared war on the offering Country." Igor explained patiently, his face showing no real emotion even though he was discussing the real possibility of war.

Xander looked up at his minion, and frowned, only to turn and glare from behind his helmet down at Hippolyta.

"I'll Kill her!" Sounded from beneath the pile of Valkyries as Artemis's nano-clanks fully healed her and she started to try to escape again, at which time that Valkyries on top of her started the brawl up once again.

Xander looked from Hippolyta, then back to his Valkyries, then back to Hippolyta and Diana, only to yell at the top of his lungs, "QUIET!"

Xander infused his voice with every ounce of his Spark as he shot to his feet angrily.

As one, every single person in the room dropped to their knees as the power of Xander's Major Spark overwhelmed them and immediately caused them to bow to his will.

Hippolyta and Diana dropped to their knees at the overwhelming urge to submit, stunned and scared speechless as they both realized that they had never considered the fact that The Leviathan might say no to their offer.

Behind their silver helmets, the Valkyries eyes went large and they immediately collapsed in a kowtow wherever they were; the dog-pile of Valkyries absolutely fell over themselves to get flat on the ground as waves of power washed over them, triggering an unmitigated fear instinct in them to submit or hide.

It was like a switch had been flipped, and Xander went from stunned to angry in 0.3 seconds flat. Inside Xander's mind the voice of the Primal suggested that Hippolyta was trying to manipulate Xander, trying to control him through her daughter Diana.

The Leviathan paced down the stairs from his throne, growling as he walked forward to tower over Hippolyta and her daughter. "Hippolyta, are you trying to put me in a situation where I marry your daughter… or else?" Xander growled through his helmet, the vibrations of his growl seeming to vibrate the air around him as Igor's statement caused him to see the Amazon's offer as an attempt to manipulate him; after all, Xander didn't trust Hippolyta at all so assumed the worse.

Hippolyta shook her head vigorously, her long black locks of curled hair whipping from side to side as the whites of her wide eyes looked up into the surface of the mirrored pitch black helmet of The Leviathan.

Hippolyta tried to answer, but her lips moved without any sound coming out of them for several seconds before she could get her voice working. "N-no. No Leviathan, we want peace. Please Leviathan, you have to believe me, we only wanted to form a peace accord, and this was the only way, the Gods-" Hippolyta begged in horror, thoughts of having the capabilities of the Grey Knight turned on her people scared Hippolyta like nothing else. The fact that the Grey Knight had been only one man that worked for The Leviathan, and that The Leviathan had an entire army in this dimension could mean the destruction of her entire peoples.

"I don't care about what the Gods want!" The Leviathan thundered, panting heavily behind his helmet, the voices of the Primal and World Domination sounding in the back of Xander's mind, promising power and dominion through war.

"B-Brother, Peace." Cassandra stumbled over her words as she fought through the overwhelming feelings to submit to Xander's anger. However the strength to run away from the only father she had ever known, to throw herself off a building to her death rather than be forced to be an assassin, well this was also the strength enough to stand where others could or would not.

Xander wheeled around to growl at the Crimson Lady, "What?" Xander demanded as his eyes glowed green behind his helmet; the Primal in him bayed for blood and that he needed to put the pup in her place for daring to challenge the Alpha.

Cassandra forced herself to her feet and then glided down the stairs, first slowly until she built up enough momentum to walk normally, "Peace brother, you are scaring your people and your family." Cassandra begged from behind her helmet as she reached out carefully to touch Xander on the shoulder.

Xander flinched back his arm slightly as his primal instincts warred with his beliefs in protecting family. Yet he let Cassandra touch him, and with her touch his anger began to die down.

Xander shook his head and tamped back his emotions. The party, the interactions with the heroes, villains, politicians, the torture of Lex Luthor, and even emotions involved with Selena and Artemis had set the stage for the chaos. Chaos which Hippolyta's offer had triggered and his inner voices' reactions had carried over the edge into near madness.

'Madness? This is Sparta!' Xander's inner voice of Insanity charged through Xander's mind dressed up like the ancient Greek King Leonidas of Sparta including a fake beard and leather armor… only to meet the voice of Reason's frying pan to the face with a 'BONG!' With that, Insanity was shut up, and Reason turned to threaten both the voice of Megalomania and the Primal with the frying pan, which caused both to shut up as well.

Xander took a big breath and looked around his throne room, realizing that all of his Valkyries were face down on the floor bowing to him, along with the frightened faces of Hippolyta and even Diana looking up at him like some vengeful god.

It was then that he realized he wasn't making a very good impression on Princess Diana, a woman whom he respected even if he didn't fully trust her or her mother.

Xander sighed, and then replied patiently through his helmet's speakers, "Hippolyta, I don't like being put in positions where my choices are accept an offer that is repugnant to me or go to war."

Xander turned his back on Hippolyta and walked back to slump back into his throne.

"I never meant to-" Queen Hippolyta begged as she stood from her knees and moved forward pleadingly.

"Ah!" The Leviathan interrupted her with a sound and a raise of his hand to stall her statements, "I understand now that you only wanted peace." He finished before looking around.

"Marrying me is repugnant?" Diane questioned through clenched teeth as those words angered her.

Xander shook his head and sighed as he looked down from his throne, "No Wonder Woman, marrying a beautiful honorable warrior such as yourself isn't repugnant. However being forced to, or marrying for reasons other than love, is something that I feel is wrong." Xander finished, and he could see that Diana was somewhat mollified by his words.

"Get up everybody." The Leviathan commanded with a big inhale and exhale of air as Xander calmed himself, and immediately everybody hopped to their feet; still a bit frightened but at least functioning again now that the waves of power were not overwhelming them.

Xander then turned to look at Igor who was standing next to Xander's throne, "And I'm assuming that now that the offer has been made, it can't be taken back?" Xander asked sarcastically, expecting his luck to hold true.

"Correct Sir, once the offer is made, to rescind it would be a disgrace to your honor and an act of war." Igor explained patiently without a shred of emotion in the minion's voice.

"Great." The Leviathan stated, throwing up his hands in frustration. "I knew the night was going to well. Thanks Murphy." Xander stated sarcastically from his throne room, flipping a bird with his middle finger towards the ceiling and causing Cassandra to release a giggle while several of the Valkyries smirked behind their helmets at The Leviathan's action.

Hippolyta and Diana were still staring with a hint of fear and distrust at The Leviathan, the mood swings of the Empire's ruler making Diana question her decision and Hippolyta was already scared that her actions may have seen her entering a war she couldn't win. For one thing, the sanity of The Leviathan was in question given the fact that he was currently ranting at someone named "Murphy" while shaking his fist at the ceiling.

Xander stopped shaking his fist at the ceiling and then leaned forward to rest his elbow on his knee, his fist resting under his chin as he thought.

Xander's brain flew through a million different calculations. The power of his genius, of science, of politics, economics and every other calculation zipped through his mind as he thought out how to deal with the cards he had just been handed. Finally with a sigh, Xander sat back in his chair and looked down at the two Amazons.

"Queen Hippolyta, I have changed my mind," The Leviathan began, and he saw some of the worry and concern slide from both Diana and Hippolyta's shoulders as Hippolyta stepped forward and opened her mouth to reply.

"Ah, wait." Xander interrupted, raising his gloved hand to stop the Queen from speaking, "However there is a caveat." He prefaced, and the Queen stepped back, a hint of concern showing on her face again.

The Leviathan continued to speak, "Though I do not want to go to war and slaughter your people, I must first think to the safety of my family and the people in my own Empire, an Empire that first and foremost relies on certain secrets of my identity and our dealings. Therefore, I will accept the offer of marriage to Diana of Themyscira, but only if the two of you swear before all of your Gods and with the Lasso of Truth that you will keep my secrets and never betray me through word, action, or inaction."

"But," Hippolyta tried to interject, only to be cut off again.

"This is non-negotiable." The Leviathan replied with a cutting gesture of his hand. "You created this mess; I was fine with ignoring you and your people even though I wasn't happy with your actions towards me and my newly accepted tribe. No matter how beautiful Diana is nor how much I respect her as a woman and a warrior, no matter how much I don't want to hurt your people, I will choose the safety of MY family and MY people first." Xander finished, stressing the difference between Hippolyta and Diana's people, and Xander's responsibilities to his own.

Hippolyta and Diana were stunned as they looked up at The Leviathan, then they looked towards each other and Diana bit her lip before nodding. The Amazon's had created this situation, and they had to see it through to completion, it was the only way.

Diana reached down to her side, through the slit in her long toga like white dress.

The Valkyries around the room tensed, and Diana noticed this and slowed her motions to show that she was merely retrieving the magical golden Lasso of Truth that had been hooked to her Wonder Woman outfit underneath her white dress.

Unfurling the Lasso, Diana offered half of it to her mother, and both women wound the Lasso around a hand and fist; Hippolyta around her right arm, Diana around her left.

Diana began and Hippolyta echoed, "We swear upon Olympus, and our Gods who live there to keep the secrets of The Leviathan and not to betray him through word, action or inaction." Both finished, and waited in silence as everyone in the throne room waited to hear The Leviathan's response.

Behind his helmet, a smile slowly grew across Xander's face. He couldn't believe that he was actually being forced to marry Wonder Woman… his old buddy Jesse must have been laughing his head off at Xander from up in heaven at the humor of the situation. Back in Sunnydale Xander and Jesse would never have even thought of saying "no" to such an offer as their teenaged comic book geek imaginations pondered the possibilities of hot super heroines. Then again, Xander in Sunnydale had been a much less mature and worldly young teen, let alone the man that now sat on the throne and was responsible for so many lives.

"Then we are agreed, I accept your offer of Diana's hand in marriage and offer my own in return to her in marriage and partnership." The Leviathan stated as he rose up off of his throne and moved forward to take Diana's right hand.

Diana smiled hesitantly at the helmeted figure of The Leviathan who stood taller and broader than she.

Xander could see his new fiancé's hesitancy, so shrugged and triggered his Leviathan armor to recede back into a suit without a helmet. "There, that should help." Xander stated with goofy grin.

Hippolyta gasped.

Diana gaped.

"Alexander!" Both Amazons shouted in surprise at the same time, only for mother and daughter to turn and look at each other and respond, "Wait, you know Alexander?" Both stated the same thing at the same time.

"Jinx!" Xander quipped with a chuckle, causing both Amazons to swing back to look at him.

Diana huffed and dropped Xander's hand, "You, what are you doing here? And how did you lie under the power of the Lasso when I saw you in India?" Diana crossed her arms across her chest and looked at Xander petulantly.

"Ha ha! Good, I was worried that you wouldn't recognize me without a whole lot of white paint." Xander just laughed with a big smile on his face, chuckling at Wonder Woman whose pout made her look like a spoiled Princess who didn't get her way.

"Wait. How do you know the Grey Knight?" Hippolyta questioned Diana, looking back and forth between the two of them before turning to Xander, "And how are you alive? I saw you die!" Hippolyta stated, quickly unwrapping the lasso that was still around her wrist and allowing it to drop so that it only dangled from where it was held in Diana's hand. Hippolyta reached out and touched Xander's shoulder, making sure he was really there an alive.

"I died, but then I got better." Xander quipped with a smirk and crossed his own arms across his chest, not able to help himself given the perfect setup for that joke.

"Wait, you're the Grey Knight?" Diana questioned, her pout dropping off her face and she looked at Xander with amazement, only to look at her mother and see Hippolyta nodding.

Xander's smile only got larger as his he realized that a prank was a whole lot more fun when people realized they had been pranked. However, before he could launch into his full routine of Quip-Fu, Igor interrupted.

"Ahem, excuse me Sir, but should I begin plans for the wedding." Igor interrupted, stepping forward up to Xander's right hand side.

"Now wait a damn minute!" Artemis's voice interrupted and she stomped out of the pack of Valkyries to march up to Xander and planted her fists on her hips as her helmet rescinded into her armor, causing Hippolyta and Diana to gasp as they realized that the leader of the Valkyries was the Shim-Tar Artemis. In hindsight it seemed obvious, but in the heat of the moment neither Diana nor Hippolyta had put two and two together to figure this out.

"On behalf of the Valkyrie tribe, we offer the hand of Artemis in marriage to The Leviathan." Artemis demanded before glaring at Xander, his smirk quickly dropping off of his face, "I might not be able to kill her, but I'll be damned if a Themyscirian Amazon marries you before I do." Artemis finished with a challenging glare at Diana, causing Diana to gulp as the Valkyries around the room cheered their leader on.

'AWOOOGA, Awoooga! Damage control, we are taking on water and sinking fast! Man the pumps! Man the Pumps and bail! For god's sake man, do something before your crash and burn!' Xander's inner voices screamed in fear.

Xander gave a scared looked from the angry Artemis, to Diana, then to Igor who only shrugged at Xander, "Don't look at me Sir, I am a loyal minion willing to die at your command, but my father taught me never to get between a Heterodyne and his women." With that, Igor took a step back, leaving Xander to brave the situation by himself.

"Artemis," Xander started desperately.

"Don't Artemis me, you love me don't you?" Artemis demanded, looking up at the taller Xander.

"Well yeah, I absolutely love you." Xander shrugged as his eyebrows scrunched together, he thought the answer to that question was obvious.

Artemis' softened just a touch at Xander's comment, but she still looked up at him, and then poked him in the chest with her silver armored finger, "Then you're going to marry me also. There is nothing in Amazon law stopping women from sharing a man or marrying other women. So you're going to marry me too, you got that Mister?" Artemis demanded, punctuating her words with pokes of her pointer finger.

Xander just stared down wide eyed at Artemis and her statement, and then looked frantically over at Hippolyta, and then Diana. Diana just shrugged and answered, "There is nothing in the law that says otherwise, and it is only fair and just that I agree given my people's transgressions against the Bana-Mighdall."

Xander blinked, and stared at Diana before looking back at Artemis silently stunned; the blows just kept coming from every direction.

"Sir, this is where you nod or say yes." Igor supplied helpfully with his same emotionless and bland voice.

Xander gulped and then answered, "Yes, I'd love to marry you also Artemis." By the time he had finished, he was smiling. It was either smile or cry at his crazy life, and a small part of him thought that if he cried Artemis might interpret it wrong and then Xander would be in even bigger trouble.

As if Murphy had heard Xander's thoughts, or was still pissed off about Xander flipping Murphy off, a large red portal snapped open next to the throne and Magda and Jenny Kalderash stepped through.

Magda wiped the red fluid, which looked amazingly like real blood, off of her hands on a white towel while speaking aloud with a smirk on her face, "Clan Kalderash offers Jennifer Kalderash, honored daughter of our people, in marriage to Alexander Harris the Leviathan."

Jenny smiled and walked down the steps of the throne towards Xander, who now once again looked like he was a deer caught in the headlights.

"Nod Sir, for Science's sake nod your head." Igor stated out of the corner of his mouth; even the staid and serene chief minion was starting to feel the stress of the situation as he was the only other male in the throne room besides Xander.

Xander nodded, just as another flash of light zapped into existence, and Tara and Dora bounced out wearing very flattering approximations of secretarial garb; though with very short skirts, stockings and high heels.

"Oh goody! The Master finally has found his wives, now we can be the official mistresses. I claim the roll of the Innocent acting mistress." The blonde stated between bubbly giggles as she bounced up and down.

The brunette minion clapped her hands and bounced also, "That means I get to be the Naughty mistress, Oh goody!"

"Nod man, for heaven's sake keep nodding and don't show your fear, they can smell fear." Igor whispered next to Xander as the Chief Minion started to back away slowly.

By now all of the Valkyries in the room had triggered their helmets to disappear, and they were all smiling broadly at Xander.

"Yes, yes fine, I agree. Whatever you want dear, um dears." Xander stated looking around at all the smirking women.

Even Hippolyta and Diana were getting a bit of a kick out of Alexander being cornered like this. It gave Xander a sense of vulnerability, and all women like to be reminded that when they need to they can control their man to a certain extent.

Xander looked around, trying to figure out what to say or do to get the situation. Somehow he needed a distraction or something to get the topic pointed in a different direction.

'Shit, at least it can't get any more crazy.' Xander thought to himself, only to cringe when he realized what he had just allowed himself to think.

'Smooth move genius.' The voice of Reason replied with a face palming slap.

Cue Murphy stage right, roll chaos and start the second act of the show.

"Mein Leviathan," The voice of Castle Wulfenbach's A.I. Von Pinn interrupted, "I hate to interrupt your situation in the throne room, as it is incredibly fun to watch, Heh heh. However Mien Ruler, we have a situation outside the Castle. Selena Kyle and Talia al Ghul have just been kidnapped, though it seems that Talia is in on the kidnapping."

It is at times like this that one can only say one thing:

"Well shit." Xander said and two-handed face palmed himself and then shook his head in frustration with his life.

Then like an epiphany from heaven, a spark of true genius, Xander suddenly looked up as he realized something.

All of the Valkyries looked to Xander for orders, waiting to hear his commands regarding the new situation. Even Wonder Woman looked like she was ready to dart out the door to help in saving the day.

However Xander had a better idea… well better for him that was.

With a smile and a slap to Igor's back, Xander quipped, "Igor, I'm delegating you to arrange the wedding for me with all these ladies, and I'm assigning myself to go save Selena and Talia, have fun here at the castle Igor; every man for himself." Xander said the last part with a whisper and a smirk directed at Igor.

And with that Xander disappeared with a black flash and zap of a portal.

All of the women turned their attention from where Xander had fled, and then to look at Xander's chief minion who would be in charge of arranging the wedding for them.

As one, all of the women took on a predatory look as smiles grew across their faces at the thought of planning an incredibly large wedding; even Diana who wasn't in love with the groom.

"I don't get paid enough for this." Igor groused to himself, right before Xander's original girls snagged Igor, then Diana and Hippolyta, and pulled them into a powwow to immediately start the wedding planning.

---

Twenty minutes earlier, right about the time that the Castle first attempted to interrupt Xander's meeting with the Amazons, the beautiful Talia al Ghul finished her ride down in the elevators and out of Castle Wulfenbach.

Talia exited the elevator lounge that rested at the bottom of the lifts that led to and from Castle Wulfenbach and walked down the red carpet to the many flashes of cameras as the news stations and press took pictures of those coming and going from the Gala. No way no how had the security at the Castle allowed the journalists and paparazzi to get close to the entrance of the elevator lobby, but still the entertainment vultures and news reporters lined the edges of the street and the red carpet that led to the drop off and pickup area for the guests' vehicles.

Talia smiled, for waiting as planned was Ms. Selena Kyle who seemed to be frustrated that her limousine had still failed to arrive to pick her up. Selena wouldn't know it, but that particular limo driver had been indisposed to pick Selena Kyle up; or more specifically, Ra's al Ghul's assassins had disposed of the driver.

"Your ride not picked you up yet?" Talia questioned with a friendly smile as she waltzed up next to Selena.

Selena frowned at being addressed, but Selena tempered her scowl to be somewhat friendly when she saw who it was that addressed her.

"My limousine should have been here by now, and I've called the driver's company but all they can tell me is that the limo should have been here by now and that they don't have any more that they can send until they hear back from my original driver." Selena answered with a bit of a huff, well manicured red nails waving in a dismissive backhand that denoted her frustration.

A long black stretch limousine pulled forward and stopped at the end of red carpet, only for the large driver with a shaved head to step out of the driver's seat and move to open the door for Talia.

"Well I'm sorry." Talia said apologetically with a shrug before moving towards her vehicle before pausing at the door that was held open for her. "This is my personal limousine. Perhaps I could offer you a ride home?" Talia questioned, as if it was an afterthought.

Selena startled at the offer from the practical stranger, and some instinct in the back of her head cautioned a warning, but when Selena briefly looked around she noted that none of the black or silver clad soldiers of The Leviathan looked alarmed or on guard about the offer or people issuing said offer.

Selena smiled a red lipped smile that made her eyes sparkle, "Sure, thank you, if it's not too much of an imposition?" Selena questioned and paused.

"Ha, no problem at all." Talia stated with a throaty chuckle before sliding into the limousine and patting the seat next to her for Selena to join her.

"Very well then." Selena replied with a smile as she entered the limo with a nod to the driver who stared back at her blank faced as he closed the door after her.

Talia smiled at Selena and then looked towards the front of the limousine where the driver had just entered and closed the door; the window between the driver section and the back was open.

"Ubu, we will be taking Ms. Kyle home first." Talia stated before looking at Selena, "Were do you live Selena?"

"Thirteen twenty one Powell Street, right on the central park with a great view of the Wayne towers. Perhaps you would like to come up to my penthouse and we can share stories about Xander?" Selena offered, after all it was only proper of Selena to ask since Talia was so nice to offer her a ride home.

"No thank you, but it is kind of you to offer." Talia said with a smile as she sat back in her seat as the limo pulled away from the curb and quickly entered traffic.

"So how do you know Bruce Wayne?" Talia questioned after several seconds of silence.

"Bruce? Whatever do you mean?" Selena asked in return, an eyebrow rose due to confusion on the question.

"Well he was my date tonight, and he couldn't keep from frowning when you were dancing with Alexander." Talia responded with a smirk, a playful look in her eyes.

Selena smirked right back at Talia, "Well Bruce and I have been on a few dates, you could say that we flirt a bit, but a difference in our professions made it so that we couldn't see eye to eye."

Talia laughed at Selena's catty answer before questioning further. "What do you do for a living?"

"Well I…" Selena started to respond, only to glance out the window and notice that they were driving in the wrong direction if they were to be going to her penthouse. "Hey, I think we are going the wrong direction." Selena started, only to turn back from looking out the window and see the driver of the car aim and fire an electric Tazer right into Selena's stomach.

There was nowhere to flee to, and Selena's mind seized up as suddenly thousands of volts of electricity flooded her body and overwhelmed her nervous system.

Selena passed out cold, and Talia leaned over to check Selena's pulse before sitting back again with a smile.

"Excellent work Ubu, as usual." Talia stated, to which her father's servant only nodded as he again concentrated on driving.

The limo drove for another two minutes before pulling over to the side of the road before a man with grey streaks on the sides of his otherwise dark hair; a man wearing a long green cloak with a tall collar who entered the limousine.

Talia bowed from her seat, "Greetings Father." Talia greeted Ra's al Ghul as the man entered the car only to close the door behind himself and smirk down at the unconscious Selena Kyle.

"Greetings daughter, and good job." Ra's stated before leaning over to the comatose Selena and using his hand to move her face from side to side as he got a good look at Selena. "So this is the woman that has attracted the attention of both Bruce Wayne and Alexander Harris. What do you know about her? She doesn't look like anything special other than her base beauty."

"A witty if somewhat droll Gotham Socialite. She is but another of the playthings that attract the handsome and powerful men of the city." Talia stated, a bit heatedly as her jealousy reared its head and she showed her true feelings for what she felt about Selena's dancing with Alexander and Bruce's jealous scowl.

"Now now daughter, such cattiness is beneath us." Ra's rebuked his daughter lightly while he examined Selena Kyle's figure. The woman was long and lanky, and her form suggested muscle under her feminine curves. Still though, Ra's released Selena's head as he felt she was of no bother.

"Yes father." Talia replied meekly to her father's rebuke.

Ra's smiled at his daughter, his daughter's interest in both Alexander and Bruce suited his purposes well. "Don't worry daughter, you will be happy with either Alexander or Bruce as your beloved, and I am sure that in time you can prove the better match than this young lady."

"It will be as you say father." Talia said with a smile and a bit of a blush at her father's words.

"Ubu, contact the parking garage and have them make the call. It's time we test Alexander's detective skills and see whether he or Mr. Wayne is the smarter of the two possible heirs to my legacy." Ra's al Ghul stated with a smirk upon his face as he looked down at the unconscious Selena Kyle collapsed in the seat next to his daughter Talia.

"Yes, this test will be just what I need." Ra's said to himself as they drove off into the city on a windy route towards their target.

---

Bruce Wayne exited the elevator lounge after misplacing his date Talia al Ghul, only to see her enter a limousine chauffeured by Ra's al Ghul's bodyguard Ubu and with Selena Kyle in the back. Bruce didn't think that Selena had a clue about what trouble she was getting herself into, but then again, if Catwoman did know to whom she was dealing… well either way it spelled trouble for Bruce Wayne and his role as Batman.

Bruce frowned as he marched quickly down the red carpet while pressing a hidden button on his belt buckle that signaled Alfred to pull the car around.

The long black chauffeured Rolls Royce pulled up five minutes later, and Bruce didn't wait for Alfred to open the door for him. Rather Bruce jumped in the back seat and immediately closed the door behind him; the flashing cameras of the paparazzi reflecting off the black tinted windows of the Rolls.

"Drive Alfred, I need to get to the Batcave as quickly as possible." Bruce stated while quickly loosening his tie and tugging off his coat and dress shirt while pressing several buttons in the car that caused a loading tray to open in the seat next to him. The passenger seat next to Bruce seemed to suck back into the trunk of the car as a shiny metal tray like contraption slid back out towards Bruce, only to open with a pneumatic hiss and reveal a black and grey Batsuit and utility belt.

"What seems to be the problem, Sir?" Alfred questioned while looking in his rearview mirror, all the while quickly steering through Gotham's night time traffic. In his mirror Alfred could see Bruce rapidly dressing in the armored outfit of Batman.

"I'm not sure, but Talia disappeared on me up in the castle, and then I saw Selena Kyle getting into a limousine with Talia that was being driven by Ubu." Bruce exclaimed, finishing pulling on his costume's pants before tugging on the tight grey bat insignia top. Bruce pulled both arms up through the shirt before shimmying his shoulders until the suit was exactly in place; patented Wayne military technology causing the armor to shift and form directly to his body for maximum protection and flexibility.

"Well that cannot be good sir." Alfred stated plainly, the troubling words not matching the stoic look on Alfred's face.

"No, it isn't." Bruce answered as he leaned forward in his seat to clip on his utility belt before attaching his cape and pulling on the cowl. "Whether Catwoman is working with Ra's or is a victim of that megalomaniac waits to be seen." Bruce growled.

"Beep! Beep! Beep!" Sounded from a front dash on Alfred's panel in the front of the Rolls Royce. The beeping sound was quickly followed by the ornate wooden interior flipping over to disclose a state of the art computer.

"Emergency message from the Batcomputer Master Wayne." Alfred stated serenely as he looked down at what the computer was saying.

"Patch it through to audio report." Bruce ordered as he pulled on his boots and then his gloves.

"Priority report from Batcomputer, word match off of Gotham City Radio." The computer stated in a feminine voice. "Statement regarding threat towards Batman recorded." The computer reported.

Batman, now fully dressed in his outfit growled, "Play recording." He ordered.

"Impotency and you! Well thanks for calling Kyle, and I suggest trying the little blue pill, Next Caller, you're live on the air with DJ Danny and Sex Talk Time!" The DJ on the recorded radio message stated.

The computer continued playing the radio broadcast and the next caller's statement, "Yes, I'd like you to broadcast to Alexander Harris and Batman that I've kidnapped Selena and Talia and if Alexander or Batman want to see their girls back in one piece then they have one hour to find them." The computer finished the recording before announcing patiently in a feminine voice, "The radio threat is repeated, but no further information is given."

Bruce frowned at the message and thought quickly. "Computer, analyze background sounds on the call for possible location match of that phone call." Batman ordered.

"Analyzing." The computer responded, and then was silent for approximately two minutes of intolerable silence before finally continuing, "Sound recognition suggests that the call was made from somewhere near Gotham International Airport, more particularly the commercial and long term parking areas, based on match of bus and truck transit classifications."

"Sir, if that is true, then we are going the wrong way. The Airport is on the other side of the city from Wayne Manor." Alfred added just as they pulled out of the city limits.

"I know that Alfred. Time is of the essence…I'll take the bike." Bruce stated before pressing several buttons on his side dash as his seat collapsed back into itself with Batman seeming to be sucked into the back trunk of the large luxury limousine.

"BANG!" The limousine jolted as the trunk of the limo split in half on hidden hinges and launched a sleek low-gliding black military looking motorcycle backwards down the road where it spun a cookie and revved its engines before disappearing back towards Gotham.

"He ruins more cars that way." Alfred stated blandly with a shake of his head as he continued to drive towards Wayne Manor. The ultra rich were always so hard on their toys.

---

Meanwhile, Gotham city was a busy place, especially at night. However when you add the Leviathan's party to the kidnapping of Selena and Talia, then throw in The Joker escaping from jail and robbing a bank, well it was enough to make the city feel like a madhouse. However when looking at the types of things Batman and Gotham City had to deal with on a regular basis, well then in some ways it was just another wild and wholly time in the highest crime zone in America. One thing did stand out as different than the norm, and that difference was the activity off of Gotham's shore and a mile away from the Gotham City dock yards.

"Wait, you want me to crash the ship into the dock?" The Captain of the ship questioned, sweat beading on his forehead and trickling down into his eyes as he tried to blink and focus on steering the large cargo ship into the Gotham City harbor.

"Squeeek!"

"AH! Stop biting me! Stop biting me! I'll do it! I'll do it!" The man begged, turning the wheel of the large cargo container ship towards Gotham's docs.

"Squeeken rrrrr Squeek squeek! Squeeken rrrrr Squeek Squeek!..." Came myriad tiny replies, chanting/squeeking the name of their Chaos Nut God who had led their crusade to the new land.

The hijacked captain of the vessel looked around frantically as thousands of crazed rodents stared at him from the shadows of the vessel's bridge.

The large ship was completely dark as it slowly swung its bulk for a collision course with a section of the old wooden piers, all lights extinguished except for the glow from the bridge's gauges.

The captain took one hand off the wheel and wiped his forehead.

"Squeee!"

"Ow! Ow! I'm still steering, let me wipe the sweat from my eyes so I can see." The man begged as he made the last corrections and bit his lip, his eyes frantically looking about as the ship bore down on the dock without any sigh of stopping.

Two hundred yards out, a quiet squeek started chanting.

"Squeaken… Squeaken…Squeaken," The tiny voice chanted, and as if leading a sermon, the masses on the ship took up the call to their God.

"SQUEAKEN! SQUEAKEN! SQUEAKEN!..." Hundreds of thousands, and then millions of tiny voices started chanting as the ship bore down closer and closer towards the dock.

Twenty yards from the pier, the captain let go of the wheel and ducked and covered while yelling, "This is going to hurt!"

Then with a tremendous "CRASH" and the sound of tumbling metal containers and crunching timbers the large container ship smashed through the pier and continued to push into the shallows as the engines churned and drove the ship up onto the rocky garbage covered beach and then up over the seawall to crash the front of the ship into a warehouse.

Thousands of little bodies flew helter-skelter through the confines of the ship's bridge and the captain was pelted by their little bodies, some of the rodents being crushed by the collision as they gave up their lives willingly in service to their Nut God.

On the shore, about fifteen young men stumbled out of the crushed warehouse with clubs, baseball bats chains and half empty bottles of alcohol, all of them with their faces painted white and wearing weird approximations of clown outfits.

"What the hell?" One of the Joker gang members cursed as he looked from their crushed hideout to the large shipping containers that had tumbled off of the ship and were lying all around the grounded ship.

Then with a smile, the apparent leader turned to look at the other guys in his gang; his purple painted lips and blue spray painted hair making him look like some demented clown.

"Well guys, it looks like the loot came to us tonight." He said as he swaggered over to a shipping container and used the crowbar he was carrying to pop open the lock and open the door.

The leader looked into the darkness of the container, and couldn't see anything.

"Hey Fred, here you go boss." A fat clown-faced thug in big floppy shoes and a leather jacket walked forward and pulled out a lighter and then flicked it so that they could see by its light.

Thousands upon thousands of little red eyes gleamed back at them in the reflected glow from the lighter's flame.

"SQUEEEEEEEEE!" The Rats screamed in rage as they charged out of the shipping crates, millions more joining them from the other crates as they crashed over the side of the ship and overwhelmed the gang of Joker wannabes in a sea of little teeth and claws.

The Thugs screamed, only for the screams to turn into bloody gurgles as they were overrun by millions of rodents.

Two squirrels scampered to the peak of the roof of the crushed warehouse and chattered to each other.

"Chitter chitter chat squeak." The first one stated; which translates to, "It is our Chaotic God's will that the Clowns must die!"

"Squeaken Chitter Chat Squeak." The second squirrel replied; a fanatic light in its little squirrel eyes as it looked down on the rats devouring the former joker gang members. It's chattering translated to, "The Nut God Hates Clowns, and all will bow to the will of the Nut God."

Both squirrels bobbed their heads, and then took off into the night. Behind them, squads of squirrels unlocked themselves from their shipping containers and spread out through the city to evangelize and spread the word of their Chaos God. Below them the squirrels left the wave upon wave of rats to clean out the warehouses for their new base and beachhead, while the rabbits with their shifty eyes and evil twitchy noses began creating the supply base and burrows that would house the Rodent Army Of The Nut God, or R.A.O.T.N.G., an abbreviation that doesn't mean anything.

The crusade had come to Gotham and the new world, and it would bow to the will of Xander or be devoured by his hordes of mind controlled chaos rodents.

---

"Jarvis, upload the data that we have thus far." Xander commanded as he appeared standing on top of Castle Wulfenbach, a faint breeze blowing in from the sea as he looked out over the city with the hope to find Selena as quickly as possible.

Xander closed his eyes, and began to commune with the computer AI housed in his nano-clank clothing; information passing back and forth at the speed of light.

'Sir, the data starts with a phone call from Talia al Ghul to her father Ra's in the women's restroom, where she states she has the perfect target selected, namely Ms. Kyle. I expect it to be a trap for you Sir.' Jarvis counseled, uploading the information directly into Xander's mind via his nano-clanks, and thus speeding up the transfer of information with Xander.

'Sounds like it.' Xander added in return, biting his lip in thought while he waited for further information; His hair blew in the breeze coming off the ocean as his suit started to bubble and form into his all black armor.

'Approximately three minutes after Talia's call to her father, our surveillance systems captured Talia offering Ms. Kyle a ride home, to which Ms. Kyle agreed, the chauffeur has been positively identified as Ubu, the al Ghul servant and bodyguard.' Jarvis continued relaying to Xander, causing Xander to scowl darkly.

'Anything else, or should I just assume that Ra's al Ghul is going the right way for a lesson in applied Newtonian physics?' Xander mentally growled.

'Yes sir. Approximately four minutes after Ms. Kyle left with Talia in the limousine, a call was placed by Ubu to a phone located near the international airport, followed by a call coming from that location to a radio station. Patching through the recording now.' Jarvis relayed, only to play the radio call in Xander's mind. 'Yes, I'd like you to broadcast to Alexander Harris and Batman that I've kidnapped Selena and Talia and if Alexander or Batman want to see their girls back in one piece then they have one hour to find them.'

"Damn it!" Xander cursed, and strategic plans started flowing through his mind as his helmet coved his face and a guidance interface was projected on the inside of the helmet. "Please tell me you were able to track the limousine." Xander questioned as he floated up into the air above the top of his floating Castle.

"I'm sorry Sir, but orbital clanks lost track of the limousine as it entered the tunnels for lower Gotham. However, satellite recon from the space based little clanks does show that the radio station call originated just outside a parking garage near the airport. Heat imaging places a large group of individuals spread all over the outside of the building, as if waiting for something." Jarvis related patiently in its programmed proper British voice.

"Damn, then the girls aren't there yet and if we spring the trap too early then we might never find them." Xander cursed, but immediately flew out in a zigzag through the skies over Gotham as he weaved through buildings on his way towards the airport.

"My calculations agree sir within a 98.43% accuracy rate. Shall I have some of our undercover forces distributed within the building?" The A.I. queried.

Xander's smile turned positively evil and his eyes began to glow a bit green at the thought of setting his own trap.

"Good idea Jarvis, make it so." Xander said as he growled, "Until then, see if you can't get a satellite read on the limousine they left the party in during the mean time."

"Yes sir, calculating." Jarvis stated before pausing for a moment, "I'm sorry sir, but there are approximately fifty three limousines matching the same parameters and driving around the city. Sensors show that out of the fifty three, thirty seven of the limousines have at least two passengers in the rear, and that is of course assuming that the girls are still located in the same vehicle in which they left the party."

"Shit, well at least it got me out of the situation with all the girls." Xander groused, and his armor glittered briefly as its chameleon system came online causing Xander to disappear.

"Yes sir, but do remember that the women will be waiting for you when you return." Jarvis added, unhelpfully.

Xander groaned before shifting the groan into a growl, perhaps some bloodshed would make him feel better?

---

The Limousine carrying Ra's, Talia and Selena slowed as it turned into the parking garage situated within a mile of Gotham's International Airport.

A man dressed in a guard's uniform stopped the limo at the gate. If one were to see the dead body hidden in the guard shack, then they could have quickly put two and two together to realize that the situation just wasn't right. This was proven all the more true when the 'Guard' quickly saluted as the passenger window of the limousine rolled down to show Ra's al Ghul.

"Is everything prepared?" Ra's questioned his assassin.

"Yes Sir." The disguised assassin answered reverently with a bowed head, fist clenched against his chest in salute to the Demon Head.

"Excellent. As planned, allow the visitors access to the garage and then seal off the exits." Ra's commanded before the window rolled up.

"Your will be done." The Guard replied simply and the limousine moved forward into the large concrete multileveled parking garage before going down, down, down into the sub-basement. There was only one way in and out of the building, and any attacker would have to approach from the down ramp.

Finally after driving for several minutes, the limousine pulled up against the dead end at the bottom of the subbasement level three, and parked. Parked cars, vans and trucks lined the stalls throughout the garage, even down in its lowest levels, though there were a few stalls open here and there.

"Sir, the watch has just spotted a shimmering movement landing on the roof." Ubu reported while Ra's bodyguard held a hand to his ear; a radio bud sending him the message.

Ra's smiled, and looked to his loyal servant, only to hear Selena Kyle groan as she started to awaken.

"Perfect timing my dear, it appears that young Alexander is the first to figure out the puzzle." Ra's stated with a sneer to the groggy Selena, only to turn and address his servant Ubu, "Bring the girl." Ra's commanded, and then opened the limo door and exited along with his silently obedient daughter Talia.

Ubu left the driver's seat and moved around to the back before reaching in and bodily dragging the groggy Selena out of the car.

Selena's world seemed to spin as she didn't know where she was. However old habits die hard, so upon feeling herself drug from the car by large meaty hands, she immediately stabbed the tall stiletto heel of her shoe into the man's calf muscle and then stomped on his foot, earning a grunt of pain for her effort.

"Huh." Ubu grunted, only to back hand Selena and send the world spinning once again for Catwoman. Ubu wrapped his big meaty hand around Selena's neck while pulling a large curved saber from out of the car and resting the blade against her throat as he pulled her tightly to his chest so she couldn't get away; this caused Selena to gasp and clench her jaw tight as she was forced up onto her tiptoes.

"Easy Ubu, we don't want to spoil the bait." Ra's cautioned with a malicious gleam in his eye.

A blurring shimmer shown on the end of the ramp up in front of Ra's, only to flash and reveal Xander as he prowled down the ramp like a hunting predator.

"Ra's, you made a big mistake threatening one of my girls." Xander's voice growled through his helmet.

"Stop right there Mr. Harris, or you will not like the outcome, and don't even think of using a portal like you did outside the Penguin's club." Ra's stated, just as Ubu released his hand hold on the back of Selena's neck and reached around her to clip the handle of a grenade into the plunging neckline of Selena's dress and right between her breasts. Ubu rested his hand on the grenade, the only thing keeping the handle from deploying and triggering the grenade

This stopped Xander in his tracks, a good fifty yards up the slope from his prey.

Selena tried to say something, but was cut off by the sharp blade against her throat, which made Xander frown darkly.

'Sir, I urge caution.' Jarvis broadcast to Xander's mind via his nano-clanks, 'The pin on that type M67 grenade has been pulled, and if we attempt to swipe her via portal then either Ubu will come along for the ride and probably kill her, or we will release the grenade if we attempt to just take Selena and Ubu's arms.'

Xander growled, his eyes taking in the full situation. Numerous shadows hid the sides of the ramp, and the lighting in the subbasement of the parking garage was spotty at best. Xander noticed movement in the shadows and his helmet sensors briefly flipped to infrared to show that Xander was definitely not alone. Furthermore, the distance of fifty yards was a lot to take in given that Ubu's blade was already causing a small slice into Selena's neck. It seemed he was a momentary impasse.

As if to make the situation more difficult, Xander's voice of Reason decided to chime in, 'I hate to counsel it, but due to Ms. Kyle's reaction to your slaying of the Penguin and his gang, might I suggest not slaughtering Ra's at this time?'

Xander growled in his mind, and the Primal spirit mirrored the action in Xander's mind.

'Xander, do you really want to slay Ra's in front of his own daughter?' Reason questioned in Xander's thoughts, 'That would probably create an enemy you don't need.' Reason finished logically.

'Kill them both; you don't need any more girls in the harem.' The Primal growled, and Megalomania nodded in agreement.

'BLASPHEMY!' Xander's inner libido shrieked while looking aghast at Xander's other voices. 'There is no such thing as too many girls in a harem.' Libido ranted, shaking his fist at the other voices.

"Please remove your helmet so that we can see eye to eye, its rude to not face a person when they are talking to you." Ra's al Ghul said with a smile, interrupting Xander's inner thoughts.

Xander growled, but disengaged his helmet so that Ra's could see Xander glaring back at him.

Ra's smiled at seeing Xander face to face for the first time, "I've had my eye on you for a while now Alexander. Congratulations on being the first to successfully pass the first part of my test, you see Alexander…"

"Yeah yeah, Ra's, I frankly don't care about what you have to say. Now give me back Selena and I'll let you leave here in one piece, this time." Xander interrupted Ra's al Ghul with a casual dismissive shrug; an action which caused Ra's to glare briefly at Xander.

"Nobody insults the Demon Head. You would be wise to respect Ra's Al Ghul." Ubu growled and pulled the blade into Selena's neck, causing her to gasp.

Xander frowned, but fell back on skills learned all the way back in Sunnydale. When in doubt, piss off the big bad.

"Yeah yeah, blah blah, monologue monologue, you bad guys are all the same. Now give me the girl safely or I tear you apart." Xander finished the last part with a flash of his eyes, the green shine briefly illuminating Xander's face in the shadows of the parking garage.

Ra's smiled evilly, "If you want her, then fine, all you have to do is reach her and she will be yours." Ra's snapped his fingers and ninjas drop out of the shadows and pop up from behind cars to the front, sides and even behind Xander.

'Sir, we are surrounded.' Jarvis communicated helpfully.

'No worries Jarvis, this just means they are exactly where I want them.' Xander quipped back mentally.

Xander put his hands on his hip and shook his head, "So that's how it's going to be Ra's, now a test of my combat skills? Are you still set on trying to figure out who should be the heir of your organization?"

Ra's smiled and made a mock little bow of his head, "Of course, that is if you want to rescue the girl that is. Surely fighting my assassins shouldn't be so difficult for somebody who is so confident that they believe they can offer to let me go in one piece? You get to me, and you can take the girl and leave on your merry way with us parting amicably."

Xander continued to frown, but slowly his frown slid up his face to a grin.

Xander's shoulders shook briefly with humor and he shook his head while looking down at the ground before finally replying as if responding to a petulant child, "Ra's Ra's Ra's, when are you going to learn that you absolutely don't know anything about me. But tell you what, since this is the first time we have met in person, I'll tell you two things about myself: One, never threaten my girls, it makes me angry." He growled the first part, his eyes flashing green as he prowled forward.

The assassins around Xander, garbed in black ninjitsu armor, moved forward to block Xander in as they pulled out every manner of blade and bludgeoning weapon known in the eastern martial arts.

Xander in turn smirked as me moved forward, only to stop some twenty feet in front of the largest bulk of assassins who blocked his path to Ra's and Selena. Around fifty ninjas stood in Xander's way, and it looked as if Ra's was taking Xander seriously, though the smirk on the Ra's face could have been interpreted to mean otherwise.

Xander paused as he just glared darkly at Ra's over the heads of the assassins in front of Xander, as if waiting for a queue.

Xander was silent for almost a minute, not making any further move or statement, just waiting.

Finally Ra's lifted an eyebrow, no longer patient to wait for Xander to finish his thought."And the second thing I don't know about you?"

Xander's glare slowly slipped upwards until it became a dark evil smirk, "Simple, I cheat… Transformers Go!"

All around the parking garage the cars, trucks and vans seem to leap out of their stalls while simultaneously changing shape from their original vehicular form to that of fifteen to twenty foot robots with big fucking guns.

The element of surprise was Xander's, and as he crossed his arms and smiled evilly, the robots absolutely annihilated the ninjas.

A little voice in the back of Xander's head said in a sing song voice, 'Somebody should have told the ninjas not to bring their swords to a robot fight.'

Like Gulliver smashing through the Lilliputians, or Gargamel in the village of the Smurfs, the human sized ninjas didn't have a chance against the larger transformer death machines. In short order there was lots of stomping followed by a whole lot of smashing or squishing, and more than a little energy blasts that immolated the remaining ninjas. Then in the end, the assassin's died like ninja. That's not to say that their deaths were honorable, only that when they were killed they were dressed like ninjas, so it would have been weird if they died like pirates or something else.

The last ninja fell swiftly, and Xander walked patiently forward with his hands clasped behind his back, as if he was some old English officer strolling the line of troops; only in this case Xander was just watching his feet so that he wouldn't step in any of the puddles of goo that had once been Ra's Al Ghul's assassins.

Xander stopped five feet in front of the now stunned Ra's and slightly green Talia, and Xander smiled a bright big ear to ear smile as he quipped, "Ok, so that test was easy, can I please have my girl now?" And then as if a switch was thrown, Xander's smile dropped off his face and he glared menacingly right into Ra's Al Ghul's eyes, "Or do I have to pry her from your cold dead fingers?"

Ra's paled at the rapid switch, and gulped subconsciously before stilling his conscious. Slowly, a smile started to creep across Ra's Al Ghul's face, and he gave a sincere half bow to Alexander. "Ha, very good Alexander, very good indeed." Ra's said, as if he hadn't just seen his loyal assassins ground into a concoction the consistency to humus; and in about ten seconds flat.

Ra's smiled and waved his hand towards his servant who was still holding Selena, "Ubu, release the girl to Mr. Harris."

"As you command." Ubu stated before removing the blade from Selena's throat, unclipping the grenade and pushing her towards Alexander. Selena stumbled forward into Xander's arms, where he caught her, and then she turned to glare back at Ubu.

"You surprised me Mr. Harris… I like that in a potential successor." Ra's stated with a gleaming eyed smile.

Xander moved Selena slightly behind him so that he could protect her a bit better as Ra's continued to talk.

"Yes, you have truly bested the Detective and shown that you know when it is appropriate to kill to achieve your goals, a lesson that the Detective was never able to learn and to which I do not believe he ever will." Ra's finished with a negligent wave of his hand and a smirk on his face before turning and walking back towards the limo waiting behind him as if he didn't have incredibly large robots all pointing guns at him.

Xander glared, but he kept his word to Ra's to let the terrorist go if he handed over Selena, just as Ra's had kept his own in giving back Selena if Xander got past the assassins.

"Come Talia; say goodbye to your new Beloved and then we will return home." Ra's said commandingly as Ubu opened the door to the limousine and Ra's stepped in.

"Goodbye Beloved, it was good to see you again Alexander and I look forward to spending time with you again soon." Talia said with a slight bow of her head and a bit of blush to her cheeks.

Selena hissed like a cat at Talia, and Xander had to hold Selena back from going after Talia.

Talia looked from Xander to Selena, and decided that it might not be the best idea to move close enough to give Alexander a kiss goodbye. So with a subtle bow of the head to her father's appointed new suitor, Talia turned and entered the limousine where Ubu closed the door behind her.

Selena growled as she and Xander stood there, surrounded by Xander's robots as they watched Ra's al Ghul's limousine, back up, and then turn around before pull away up the ramp out of the garage; the limousine's tires making squelching sounds in the blood and pulped flesh of the former ninja's.

Still ticked off, Selena rounded on Xander, "You, Mister, have some explaining to do." She punctuated her statement with a nailed finger poking Xander's sternum, ignoring the bloodshed around her for the moment as she didn't want to puke.

Xander smiled at Selena, and then pulled her into a hug which she returned.

Pushing her back out to arms length, Xander smiled down at Selena. "Yes, I probably do." Xander said, and with a wave of his hand a black portal opened up in the air next to Xander.

Selena looked a bit untrusting at the black portal, but Xander just smiled and held his hand out to her for her to take.

Unlike the last time Xander had offered her his hand, Selena didn't hesitate to take it this time, and a tentative smile spread across her face only making Xander's smirk grow larger.

With that, Xander pulled Selena to him and the black portal swept over them to disappear.

Then with a similar sounding "ZAP" red and blue portals popped up all around the garage, into which and the large robotic transformers stepped through to disappear from the garage, leaving the concrete structure to suddenly fall into silence.

A minute passed, and then two, then three, until five minutes later the silence of the parking garage was interrupted by the sound of squealing tires and the roar of a rocket engine.

Sliding around the corner and then to a stop came the Batcycle which skidded to a halt a few feet in front of the piles of goo that were the remains of Ra's al Ghul's assassins.

The sleek protective air-shield cover of the motorcycle slid upwards and then back and Batman stepped off the bike with a frown on his face.

"Is everything alright sir?" The voice of Alfred questioned over Batman's radio system.

Batman glared and stooped down to examine one of the squashed carcasses, noting the twisted swords and weapons along with the tatters of dark clothing; easily recognizing the regalia of assassins of the League of Shadows.

"No." Batman growled into his radio, "Ra's was here, but now he is gone." Batman noted the red tire prints that tracked through the red mash of pulped corpses and then up the garage ramp where they eventually disappeared.

"Well then sir, you should rest easy that Talia is safe then." Alfred's voice consoled him over the communicator.

"Yes," Batman stated before pausing in thought, "But what happened to Selena, and who killed Ra's assassins?" Batman questioned to himself.

Batman took another moment to look around, and noted the death and destruction around him. It was a literal blood bath as the pulped bodies of the former ninja's trickled down the parking garage ramp where they could be heard drizzling down a drain at the bottom of the slope.

"Sir, I'm getting a signal that Gotham's First Bank has just had its burglar alarms go off. Our security bypass into their camera system show The Joker is just leaving the vault." Alfred's voice interrupted Batman's dark thoughts.

With one last glance, Batman turned with a swish of his cape, and he jumped back onto his Batcycle; in the choice between chasing after The Joker and trying to track down Catwoman, going after The Joker won.

"I'm on my way. Oh, and Alfred. Make an anonymous tip to the police about the bodies." Bruce said, right before the lid of his motorcycle closed him in, the engines on his Batcycle revved, and he spun a 180 degree turn back up the parking garage and into Gotham's night.

---

Five minutes earlier at Gotham's First Bank, a pair of large men's wing tipped shoes attached to long legs dressed in bright green pants stepped over the threshold of the blasted vault doors, only to be followed by the rest of the criminal madman; The Joker. Some late night talk radio program about sexual dysfunctions was playing from a small radio setup on the security guard's booth near the broken front doors, and it was clear that business was not as usual for the bank that night.

"Ah yes, shopping in Gotham, how I love you so." The Joker stated with a large smirk spread across his pale white face with the garish green lips, insanity sparkling in his eyes as he took in a big breath of air and slung a large bag of cash over his shoulder. "SNIFFFFFF! Ah." The Joker released a sigh and then turned towards Harley Quinn, his sidekick, who was spray painting the bank's walls in bright green letters.

"Do you smell that Harley?" The Joker asked.

Harley Quinn, dressed from head to toe in a black and red form fitting harlequin outfit, stopped and sniffed around, sniffed at one armpit, and then the other, only to turn and glare at the two pet hyena's that had come along for the heist, "Did you boys pee on the money again?" She questioned, and both hyenas just sat down and smiled back up at her, tongues panting out of their mouths.

The Joker face palmed himself and shook his head before replying sarcastically, "No Harley, I was talking about the smells of the city. The dank, the mold, the blood, the smells of crime and success… isn't it just lovely? Ahhhhh." The Joker sighed melodramatically, which caused Harley Quinn to smile with love in her eyes towards her Mr. J.

"Oh well, back to work." The Joker stated, spinning around with his bag of cash swinging behind him in a circle that left stray twenty dollar bills spiraling through the air as they slipped out of several holes in The Joker's bag.

Then with a big smirk on his face he tromped over to the figure sitting at the guard booth and reached down and gave the figure's swivel chair a spin.

"What a wonderful welcome back to Gotham, and we couldn't have done it without you!" The Joker said endearingly as the chair spun in circles until it finally slowed so that the figure in the chair was facing the Joker.

The bank's security guard's face was pale white with a smile stretched permanently from ear to ear, and large open unseeing eyes showed that he had died, and died a bit too happy.

"Ah, service with a smile. How nice! WA HA HA HA HA HA," He joked condescendingly before breaking out into insane cackles.

"Come on Harley, we're done here." The Joker stated and Harley finished spray painting a large green smiley face and a "The Joker was here" on the wall with a big heart surrounding the word "Joker".

The Joker took one step forward only to stop as something on the radio caught his attention.

"Impotency and you! Well thanks for calling Kyle, and I suggest trying the little blue pill. Next Caller, you're live on the air with DJ Danny and Sex Talk Time!" The DJ on the radio stated.

However it was the caller's comment that caught The Joker's attention, "Yes, I'd like you to broadcast to Alexander Harris and Batman that I've kidnapped Selena and Talia and if Alexander or Batman want to see their girls back in one piece then they have one hour to find them." The caller responded, only for the DJ to pause as the radio went quiet for a moment.

"Hey Mr. J, it sounds like somebody is messing with Batman. I thought that was your gag?" Harley stated as she came up next to The Joker who had stopped mid-step with one foot paused in the air as he listened intently.

"Quiet Harley." The Joker snapped, dropping his foot and then sitting on the counter of the security booth and kicking off of his sidekick, with a side kick, so that he could slide down the counter to be right next to the radio; while Harley went flying back in the opposite direction.

"I'm sorry caller, but it sounds like you've got the wrong call in show. We don't get into that power exchange stuff, though I do have to say that with all the latex and rubber Batman wears then you're calling about the right guy." The DJ quipped over the radio.

"Ha Ha! He's got you there Batsy." The Joker laughed, slapping his hand on the back of his knee and smiling broadly; he'd have to use that joke on the Batman the next time they tangled. Harley limped across the room with a pout on her face after being knocked over and sent sliding across the floor from The Joker's kick.

"No you idiot, the girls aren't tied up, they are kidnapped, and I'm going to kill the two of them unless Harris or Batman can stop me in the next hour." The anonymous kidnapper growled at the DJ.

"Well caller, it sounds like you have an interesting hobby and are in need of some professional help if your delusions have gotten this far. Oh well and disconnected, Next Caller!" The DJ replied, not taking the kidnapping statement serious.

The Joker immediately lost interest with the broadcast and smacked the radio off of the counter top where it smashed against one of the bank's marble pillars and the radio shattered into pieces.

"Well well well, it sounds like we have a new hero in town who is playing around with the Bat, and here's me without so much as a howdy or hello." The Joker stated with a split cheeked grin that spread from ear to ear as he hopped off the counter and proceeded towards the door. "Well then, we'll just have to track down this Alexander Harris and introduce ourselves right and proper, why I think I'll bring pie! WA HA HA HA HA HA HA…" The Joker finished before laughing madly and heading out into the street, ignoring what Harley and the hyenas did as he marched out of the bank and into Gotham's night.

Five minutes after The Joker and his accomplices left the scene of the busted up bank, Batman screeched to a halt outside and rushed in.

Batman saw a figure sitting in a chair and jumped forward to spin it around, only to see the garishly smiling corpse of the security guard… with a bomb sitting on his lap.

Bruce's instincts kicked in and he leapt for the front doors of the bank, just as the bomb exploded and showered Batman with a wave of glass, debris and fire that sent Batman skidding and rolling across the concrete.

Apparently Xander wasn't the only one having a crappy night that night.

---

On the other side of the world the sun was just beginning to breach the horizon before the magical mansion of John Zatarra, which was currently located in a hidden magical town in the country of Turkey. Inside the mansion, in a library shrouded in darkness by heavy curtains, sat John Zatarra as he stared into the fireplace before him; the flickering flames casting shadows on John's face as he continued to contemplate his problem just as he had all night long.

That a man, or being, was immune to magic was a concern, for magic was the only thing protecting the Homo Magi from discovery and the potential return of the witch burnings.

That the same man was able to enter and leave the hidden magical village with impunity, well that made the concern a real problem. This is the problem that had kept John awake all night long.

"What should I do about you Alexander Harris?" John asked rhetorically as he gazed at the fire, a fire the continued to hide the answers as no sort of scrying could give John answers about young Alexander.

Though the fire refused to answer, it was at that moment that a light was shown on the problem, or more specifically a golden Ankh of light appeared in the air next to John's chair only to disgorge the floating figure of the sorcerer and servant of Order, Dr. Fate.

Dr. Fate appeared floating in the air, arms outstretched to the side, his golden helmet gleaming in the reflected fire light and his blue cape fluttering behind him in an ethereal breeze as he drifted to the floor.

"Greetings my friend, it looks like something is troubling you." Dr. Fate stated in salutation as he landed softly beside John Zatarra's chair. It was clear from the stubble on John's normally clean cut face that the head of the Homo Magi had been awake all night long.

"Problem? My problem is a young man named Alexander Harris who is immune to magic, and top that off apparently my juvenile daughter is somewhat infatuated with him." John replied with a scowl without looking up, waving Dr. Fate to take the chair opposite John and before the fire.

Dr. Fate sat down in the chair as his head quirked to the side, "Alas, the final piece to my puzzle. The Agent of Chaos I now seek has a name; Alexander Harris."

John's head shot up to look at Dr. Fate, a look of horror flashing across John's features, "An Agent of Chaos?" John questioned in fear, for such agents of entropy threatened the very fabric of the world they dwelt upon.

Dr. Fate merely nodded in silent answer before speaking, "Yes my friend, and I've come to you to ask for the assistance of your people in stopping him before he completely changes the order of not only the world, but the entire universe."

John's features flashed from fear, to worry, only to settle on steeled determination, "We will help you in any way possible. What is your plan?"

Thus Dr. Fate began to relay the plans for a trap, a trap for one Alexander Harris, favored of Chaos.

---

High above the earth, with the sunlight of a new day shining off its metallic structure, the Watchtower space station kept watch above planet Earth. However, deep inside the space station, Hawkgirl's slumber was interrupted as a golden statue of a hawk flashed bright white before creating a holographic image that hovered over Shayera's bed.

"Lieutenant Shayera Hol of the Thangarian Navy." A voice commanded, and Hawkgirl immediately shot up in her bed fully awake and thumped her fist against her chest in a salute. The hologram was of seven old bearded Thangarians, resplendent in Nth Metal armor that crisscrossed muscled chests with their power axes, swords and maces resting against their knees and their wings splayed back behind their chairs; this was the ruling counsel of the Thangarians.

"Yes High Chancellor." Shayera stated, bowing her head in the holographic presence of her elders.

"The war with the Gordanians is faltering, and we have need of your services." The High Chancellor stated gruffly, a scowl splitting his white bearded face.

"I am at yours and the high counsels' command High Chancellor." Hawkgirl stated with a bow, her fist still clasped against her chest as she wore only her nightgown.

"Continue your infiltration of the Justice League and prepare for the final confrontation, we are coming." The High Chancellor commanded.

"Yes High Chancellor, it will be done." Hawkgirl replied, not hesitating at all.

With that, the hologram flickered out and Hawkgirl went back to sleep; secure in her duty to her people.

---

AN: It never rests, the weave of the universe around Xander spins faster and faster, for chaos spreads like a virus. Bwa ha ha ha ha ha, Xander is in for a tough time, and he doesn't even know about half the things that are headed his way. Well, I didn't quite make it to 2k reviews last time, but then again this chapter came out quicker than the last one. I hope you like it, let me know your thoughts as we will continue to follow Xander's path. Also, expect more installments of stuff happening in the Sunnydale verse as a result of Xander's 'gifts' to his friends. That's about as much of a spoiler as I'm going to give. Cheers!