Notes: In which we learn that Aesir (and shapeshifted Aesir) really are different from humans. And probably werewolves and vampires, too.

Incidentally, a reader on asked whether s/he was the only one who imagined Betty White in the role of Coulson's mother. NOT ANYMORE, YOU'RE NOT!

Warnings: Fruitcake. Well, I did warn you.

Chapter Five

When Loki woke the next morning, Elizabeth was purring in his ear, Philip was draped across his chest, and Annie was on the other side of the room, sitting in the window seat with Scamp snuggled against her. Both were looking over the grounds toward the forest.

"Good morning, Annie," Loki yawned, as he sat up. Elizabeth squeaked as Philip rolled onto the pillow next to her, and both kittens stretched lazily, their back toes curling. Loki followed suit, except for the toes, then asked, "Did you sleep at all?"

Annie looked over with a smile. "Little bit," she replied. "And then I read for a while. I'm surprised the light didn't wake you. I've just been looking out at the snow. It's much deeper than it is at home."

Loki pushed back the covers and crossed the room to look. "Oh, my," he said, trying not to sound dismayed at the sight of complete snow cover on the grounds, and significant banks lining the driveway to the storage buildings behind the house.

Annie shifted over to let Loki sit beside her. "It's pretty, isn't it?"

"It is," he agreed, trying very hard to sound enthusiastic. Annie took his hand and squeezed it.

"Nobody's going to force you to play in the snow if you don't want to," she assured him.

Loki found himself laughing reluctantly. "And certainly nobody is going to abandon me in it, no matter how much I annoy them." Annie punched him gently in the arm, then leaned into his shoulder. Loki brushed his lips against her hair and went on, "Also... I think it matters very much to Tony, that we all participate and have a good time. Did you not think so?"

"I did," Annie agreed. "And speaking of participating, I wonder if anyone else is downstairs yet?"

It occurred to Loki that there was a convenient way to find out. "Good morning, JARVIS," he called politely.

"Good morning, sir," replied the disembodied voice, with equal courtesy. The previous night, when he and Annie came to bed, JARVIS had delivered a detailed report on the activities of Philip and Elizabeth (they had wrestled, napped, climbed on the bookshelves, napped, chased each other around the bedroom, napped- Loki had never asked himself whether an artificial intelligence could become bored, but it was possible he now had his answer) and then, to Loki's carefully concealed relief, had announced he would be inactive for the night but that if Loki or Annie called upon him, he would certainly respond.

Loki had forborne to remark on the resemblance this gave JARVIS to… certain Guardians of the Realm Eternal. Instead, he had thanked the AI for supervising the kittens, and said goodnight.

Now he asked, "Is anyone else stirring?"

"No, sir," JARVIS replied. "Not even a mouse, sir."

It was perhaps half an hour later, after Loki had showered, when Loki and Annie ventured downstairs. JARVIS assured them that others were beginning to gather, and also that he did not object to once again monitoring the activities of Philip and Elizabeth. The two were curled together in the middle of the counterpane when Annie, Scamp, and Loki left the room and started downstairs.

Loki, having stopped to deal with the litter box, took a moment to scout for the household rubbish bins, which he found located in a sort of enclosed porch on the back of the house. He and Annie then found their way back to the kitchen, where Loki washed his hands at the sink and joined the others in breakfast preparations.

At the moment, such preparations consisted entirely of George boiling water for oatmeal, while Steve set up a coffee-maker that could have served a regiment. Tony, Bruce, and Clint were watching Steve with an intensity that would have seriously unnerved a lesser man. Annie sidled past them, in search of tea things.

"Morning, Annie, Loki," Tony greeted them, as Steve handed over his first cup. "Oatmeal all right with you?"

"Certainly," Loki replied, smiling at George. He normally started his day with cold cereal, but if outdoor activities were proposed something warm seemed a better plan.

"Thanks, Steve," said Tony. "And thank you, George. JARVIS, is everyone else up now?"

"I believe so, sir," replied the AI. "Agent Coulson and his mother are on their way to join you, as are Agent Fury and Lt. Col. Rhodes. Shall I inform you of the others' movements?"

"No, that's fine, just make sure anyone who seems lost gets directions."

"Of course, sir."

A moment later Agent Coulson- practically unrecognizable in jeans and a pullover- entered with his mother, who was carrying a round tin cake container. Agent Coulson's expression of unflappable calm looked ever so slightly strained, but Mrs. Coulson seemed cheerfully determined.

"Good morning, Mrs. Coulson," Tony greeted her, and Pepper, having found a kettle for Annie, turned with a smile.

"Can I get anything for you?" she asked.

"If you could let me have some small plates and a cake knife, please," replied Coulson's mother.

As Mrs. Coulson drew nearer, Loki could smell a strong odor of spirits- not the ghostly kind, the sort one drank. He could not at first understand where it was coming from, actually wondered, for a wild moment, whether Mrs. Coulson might herself be a magical creature- which would frankly explain a great deal about her son- before he recollected that he had smelled no such aroma upon first acquaintance with her last night.

It seemed to be coming from the cake tin. Loki looked at the tin with interest, then noticed everyone else was also looking at it, and their expressions were a fascinating study for one so adept in lies as Loki. Aside from George, every one of his fellow guests wore a social smile, such as Loki's mother did when trapped by some visiting dignitary whose breath smelled foul, or whose conversation never strayed from battles and killing. Every one of these smiles was brightly persuasive, and every one of them lied and lied again, concealing every reaction from anxiety to revulsion. George simply looked politely resigned.

Loki began to feel quite anxious about what might be contained within the cake tin.

Mrs. Coulson placed it on the table next to the plates and knife, and removed the lid.

"Would anyone care for some fruitcake?" she asked. "It's my grandmother's recipe."

Loki blinked, then edged forward. Sure enough, inside the tin was a harmless-looking dark brown disc, diffusing a strong smell of spirits but apparently innocuous. He must have looked as confused as he felt, because Tony suddenly spoke up:

"I think Loki would like some, Mrs. Coulson."

Loki blinked, glanced around and saw everyone looking at him out of the corners of their eyes, while Tony smothered a grin.

Perhaps ironically for the so-called God of Mischief, Loki had in the past not much enjoyed being teased. He was well aware that, since he was quite capable of retaliating in kind, this was hypocritical of him, but his reaction had often been more in the nature of defensive lashing out than teasing in return. The fact he had generally been outnumbered five to one had probably also been a factor in his behaviour.

Despite the fact the Avengers really were Thor's friends rather than his, Loki had come to find he did not really mind being teased by them, particularly not Tony. For one thing, he did not have the impression they teased in the hope of finally, once and for all, driving him away. For another, of course, he now had friends of his own, to say nothing of his brother, so there was far less sense of being cornered.

Whatever Tony was trying to make him do was apt to be a little embarrassing, but it would certainly not hurt him- Tony would never, and besides, surely Agent Coulson's mother was not intent on poisoning her son's colleagues or their guests? That being the case, and especially given the effort Tony was putting into giving everyone pleasure during this visit- Loki had not forgotten the highlighter markers- it seemed the least Loki could do was allow Tony the amusement of making him look the fool in some harmless way.

"Yes, please," Loki said, all innocence, as though falling for whatever Tony's trick was. "I would very much like to try your fruitcake."

Mrs. Coulson actually looked a little startled, but then her smile became one of genuine pleasure as she carefully cut him a small slice of the brown cake. The size of the slice intrigued Loki: though she had offered the cake, and seemed delighted by his acceptance, she had yet only given him a very tiny piece. This ran counter to every custom of hospitality Loki had ever heard of, and he could only surmise that, despite having apparently made the cake and brought it for the purpose of sharing, she was for some reason reluctant to compel him to eat very much of it.

Well, Loki had never pretended to really understand humans. And besides, he was hungry.

He examined the slice with interest: embedded within the cake were green and red candied cherries, currants, what looked like two kinds of raisins, a variety of nuts and what he thought were several kinds of candied fruit peel. It certainly looked appealing enough. The smell of spirits was even stronger now it was cut, but Loki was not much affected by Midgardian alcohol- really, he was likely to drown before he could consume enough to intoxicate himself- so that seemed a minor enough issue.

"Thank you," he said, still wondering what the joke was, picked up the slice of cake in his fingers, bit off the end, and began cautiously to chew.

He had a moment to notice Steve, Pepper, and Coulson glaring at Tony behind Mrs. Coulson's back, the looks of smothered hilarity on the faces of the other Avengers present (George and Annie mostly looked sympathetic), and Pepper reaching to hand him a mug of coffee.

And then the flavours uncurled across his tongue: the sweetness of the cherries and raisins, the tart peel, the spices and spirits; alongside which were the textures of moist cake and crunchy nuts- pecans and almonds, mostly… Loki blinked, swallowed, and took a larger bite that nearly finished the slice.

He was still chewing when Thor and Jane entered the kitchen, closely followed by Hill, Natasha, Rhodey, and a rumpled Mitchell.

"Good morning," Thor called cheerfully. Judging by the bright red of his cheeks and Jane's, as well as the cold that still clung to them, the two had begun their morning with a brisk walk in the snow. Jane sidled over to the coffee maker and poured two mugs, her own expression one of good humour as well. Apparently, Jane was also fond of hearty walks in wintry weather. Natasha, too, looked as though she had enjoyed an invigorating run through the snowy outdoors.

Ordinarily, Loki enjoyed outdoor activities himself, but he drew a firm line at those involving large amounts of snow. Born on Jotunheim he might have been, but the circumstances under which he had lost one family and gained another had rather conspired against his developing an ability to really enjoy cold weather.

None of which he was thinking of as he turned toward his brother, brandishing the plate.

"Have you tasted this?" he demanded, trying not to spray crumbs as he attempted to speak and swallow at the same time.

"Tasted what, brother?" Thor asked.

"This cake. Fruitcake. It is a cake made with fruit, and nuts, and- Mrs. Coulson, would you allow my brother to try it?" Loki asked. Tony, out of the corner of his eye, appeared to be suppressing a howl of laughter- and then he looked dumbfounded as Loki went on, "And, if it would not be too greedy of me, might I also ask for another slice, please?"

Mrs. Coulson quite frankly looked as surprised as anyone, which Loki did not understand- surely, having brought this delectable foodstuff, she expected people to want to eat it?- but she obligingly cut Thor a slice, and Loki a rather larger one. There was a sense of everyone in the room- except for Loki, he was fully occupied with his cake- waiting with bated breath for Thor to taste it.

Thor looked rather confused by the attention, but the expression on Loki's face as he consumed his second slice of cake seemed to reassure him. He picked up the cake and took a healthy bite.

A moment later, Thor's face had lit up, in that way it did, as though he had swallowed a sunrise instead of cake. He chewed and swallowed, then exclaimed,

"This is delicious!"

"I know!" Loki replied, feeling vindicated, as the expressions of everyone else in the room- even the Coulsons- turned blank with disbelief. "Mrs. Coulson, this truly is wonderful."

"Well, thank you, dear," she replied, with startled aplomb.

"You have got to be kidding me," Tony blurted, just as Fury walked in.

"Kidding about what?" the one-eyed agent demanded, apparently concluding that Tony's expression was something he needed to be concerned about.

"We just got Loki and Thor to try a piece of fruitcake- " Tony began, and Fury erupted.

"You did what?" he demanded. "Are you serious? We've made friendly contact with helpful- and incidentally really damned powerful- aliens- " well, if Coulson's mother had not known there was anything odd about some of her fellow guests before, she did now- "and you idiots went and fed them fruitcake? What, inciting diplomatic incidents here on Earth isn't enough for you?"

Everyone froze- Loki with the last bite of cake halfway to his mouth, Thor in the act of cutting himself his own second slice. And then Coulson said- quietly, but with an undertone of menace everyone in the room knew very well, and preferred to have directed at somebody else-

"My mother offered it to them. It's her grandmother's recipe."

"Oh." Fury blinked his one eye, and had the grace to look somewhat abashed. Loki was fascinated. It was nearly as astonishing to witness as Odin looking abashed might be. "Well, I apologize, Mrs. Coulson, I- "

"It's all right, Director Fury," Mrs. Coulson replied. "It's a Christmas tradition in our family, and has been since my grandmother's day- we always bake a fruitcake at Christmas, and we always have it on the table… but until this minute, I don't think I've ever seen anyone voluntarily eat it!"

There was a silence.

Then:

"I really do not understand you mortals," said Thor, with his mouth full. And,

"Does this mean you do not expect us to share?" Loki asked hopefully.