Two updates in two days? Wow, radical, gnarly dude! I am merely being kind, dear children. Please, do tell your other Degrassi-obsessed fans about my story. I do enjoy hearing from you.

Disclaimer: I don't own Degrassi, or Stomach Tied in Knots by Sleeping with Sirens, which is one of my favorite songs by them…oh don't even get me started. I do wish I knew Kellin Quinn though. He seems like a total bad ass and not to mention he's quite sexy. *swoon* But honestly I would rather be like his little sister because he can be my best friend and I can travel with the band. I'd cook them dinner and make vlogs about the daily life of touring. But that is nothing but a dream.

Oh, my stomach's tied in knots, I'm afraid of what I'll find if you want to talk tonight. Oooooo, oooooooo, see the problem isn't you, it's me I know. I can tell, I've seen it time after time, and I'll push you away. I get so afraid, oh, no.

Eli

What was I thinking? What was I thinking? Following that girl – I learned her name was Clare - out of the auditorium after she gets pelted with raw eggs and silly string, crying her eyes out, and probably about to rip Imogen's throat out, was by far the most irrational decision I have ever made.

But God, I knew it was the right one.

There was just something, something, there. I had to go find it, before it slipped away. My curiosity was just too strong. I had to know her name. I had to taste it on my lips, test it on my tongue. But yet, my nature was stopping me. Like a brick wall I just couldn't see. I wanted to know her, I wanted to know her, but my mind kept telling me to back off and mind my own business. I realize this: I am afraid. But I am brave. I am brave enough to go against my own fears just to know her name. And I did. Her name is Clare. She has beautiful blue eyes and a smile that reflects the sun. She's radiant, beautiful, and the best part of it is: I don't think she knows it.

But giving her my shirt and gym shorts – that was something I did without thinking. I had to do something for her. I couldn't let her sit there covered in egg, soaking wet. So I did the next best thing. I just hope it was enough to at least give me a shot.

I didn't want Clare just for sex, or just as a play thing. For the second time in my life, I wanted her to be mine. Even though I knew nothing about her; I just knew. But I was terrified that my past would catch up to me. I was still pained with nightmares about Julia lying dead on the concrete. Not to sound selfish, but sometimes I wish I didn't run after her and witness the whole thing. If I just gave up and stayed home, I would have just gotten the news the next day with no images to wound me every night; taunting me with whispers of accusation, blood everywhere, and I was the one holding the knife. Not literally, but technically, I held the knife that severed Julia's life, and every second following, I lived in the constant reminder of what I caused. I didn't want that to happen again.

Never.

The next week came quickly, my knee bouncing with anticipation because I knew I would have play rehearsal that day – which meant I would see Clare. Just the thought of seeing her made my stomach turn inside out with the nervousness. I wasn't sure why I was acting this way, it made me want to slap myself in the face and snap out of it.

"Hey man, you okay? You're really jumpy today," Adam inquired around lunchtime. He was stuffing his face with cheese fries, although this was a normal occurrence Adam eats as though he hasn't in a million years. He had liquid cheesy goodness all over his fingers and in the corner of his mouth, and made no attempt to wipe it away or even acknowledge that it was there.

I didn't even hear him at first, mumbling a "Yeah, I'm fine," before swallowing what was left of my tasteless school lunch and rummaging through my bag to find my apple. I put the apple halfway in my mouth, grabbed my stuff and said a quick goodbye to Adam through the apple protruding my mouth. I probably looked ridiculous and it may have sounded like a toddler trying to speak its first words, but I ignored the quizzical stare he was directing at the back of my head. But I just left without another word.

I went to my locker, took out a comic book, and plopped down on the linoleum floor in front of my English classroom – the class that I now shared with Clare, but I don't think she noticed me because she sits in the front whereas I sit in the back corner. She looks really cute when she bites the end of her pen while she's thinking…okay Eli, snap out of it. I shook my head and tried to immerse myself in the world of comics, but to no avail. My mind was still reeling a million miles a second, wondering to that auditorium, where I would see Clare again, hopefully not covered in eggs and crying, and no desks or people in my way.

I was driving myself crazy, I knew it.

But if Clare was the only person in the world in my seventeen years of life who could make me feel this way, I just had to get close to her and explore this feeling. This wasn't just a one-night stand kind of hope, it was a lasting hope; something I wanted to keep around, and not just for the night until my buzz wore off. I hadn't even thought about touching alcohol or drugs while being around Clare. It was like she was the antidote. She was the answer to my problems. It wasn't therapy, or religion. It was her. But I needed to make sure, and I would.

I would.

The final bell of the day rang, and I practically ran to the auditorium. I sat in a seat by myself and took out one of my many Chuck Palahniuk books. I didn't hear her walk in, but sure enough, Clare came in not long after me, and plopped beside me, that smile I adored already on her face.

"Funny, I never took you for a Chuck Palahniuk fan," she said sarcastically.

"Well, first rule about being a Chuck Palahniuk fan, is don't talk about being a Chuck Palahniuk fan," I joked back. She chuckled, her curls bouncing. I smirked; enjoying the positive reaction I got from her. I loved being the source of her laughter.

"How was your weekend?" I asked, making small conversation.

"It was..." she paused, leaning her head from side to side, finding the right word, "alright," she said plainly, shrugging whilst setting her bag down on the floor beside her seat and crossing her legs - a sign to me that she was comfortable.

"Okay, the truth now, please," I said, raising my eyebrows at her. She blushed.

She sighed, "I still have purple silly string in my hair," she admitted, bowing her head sheepishly and blushing, which I found to be adorable.

"Oh, you mean, right there," I poked one of her curls, "and there," I poked another. She laughed, and hit me in the arm. I smirked to myself and looked up at her through my bangs, hoping she didn't see me blush. I could feel that this was the start of something beautiful. She was smiling, I was smiling, and for once, something felt right. The universe has ultimately decided to give me happiness in the form of Clare.

There goes that feeling in my stomach again – butterflies.

End of Chapter