Counting Stars Chapter 18- No Matter What, an avengers fanfic

A/N: The song is No Matter What by Papa Roach.

Loki looked over, smiling in the blue reflected off the tears on his face. Silent and sad, he inched forward between cool sheets, aligning his body with that warm form sprawled across the bed. The last day and a half spun through his head as cool metal thrummed warmly in front of his face. Anthony's heart, bared only for him in the darkness of midnight- it was something he could depend on, something he could trust.

If Loki knew one thing for certain, it was that Anthony Edward Stark had a heart.

~36 hours earlier~

Tony was inflamed and bared and every breath of breeze across his burning skin felt like an ice bath to his nerves. He felt combustible and explosive- like if Thanos kept looking at Loki like he were just a thing, a toy, he might lose it entirely and murder the young man where he stood. Knowing that this person- no, he wasn't even human- had hurt his love...Tony wasn't sure he could stay sane.

And then there were Loki's big green eyes looking at him as if he were the last thing Loki believed in. Tony had never been looked at that way. Tony had never been anyone's only hope. He'd never been the last rope to cling to. And he'd never been so afraid of failure, of letting someone down, of not being exactly what someone else needed. He wanted to strip Loki's defenses away and hold him tightly and tell him it was going to be okay. He wanted to promise that this wouldn't hurt him again, even if it was a bold-faced lie because he needed it. Loki needed someone to see him with his every defense down, and tell him he was still beautiful. And Tony knew this. He saw it in little vulnerable glimpses of this quiet, misanthropic teenager who'd been so scarred by life that he was a gothic [1] masterpiece of pain and bitterness and all the things that were wrong with humanity. And damn, he was beautiful to Tony.

And then there was Thanos, standing between him and Loki and their happiness. And in Tony's eyes, he was an albatross. That was the thing. See, Tony hates obstacles. Tony obliterates obstacles. It's probably the one and only reason he's done so well and become the genius his father has touted him as all these years- if something stands in his way, it has a very short life ahead of it and needs to go shopping for a coffin or urn or something. And really, if he's being honest, Tony really wanted Thanos blown up like his smoldering kitchen.

"I don't know what you've heard," Cold blue eyes glared Loki down, until he was pressing back into Tony's chest like a cowering puppy. "But I assure you, I've never harmed Loki." Sometimes, Tony believed he was a fairly mellow, level-headed man. This was not one of those times. And if it hadn't been for Loki's practically quaking form against his firebranded skin, Tony probably would've strangled Thanos.

Loki's eyes were burning into his face, but he didn't look down. He stared at Thanos until the man met his gaze. Then everything inside him hardened into a cold block of ice so impenetrable, that it scared even him. "Somehow, I doubt that. And I can promise you something, man, you don't want to mess with Loki. I will rip your head off and feed it to my dad's dobermans if you do. That is not a threat. It's a promise." Every muscle in his body was tensing, ready to jump to action if need be- although by now Loki was practically hanging on him and shivering and he was really fucking terrified for the boy because Loki didn't do this. Loki never had a meltdown or lost his hard exoskeleton or lost his ire. Loki was impregnable. But this guy did something to his boy that even Odin and Thor couldn't.

He broke Loki.

And for that, Tony wanted to shred him to pieces.

"I need a drink." Were the first four words out of his mouth when he saw Thor sitting on Anthony's couch. Because, yeah, I think we all know that even though he's somewhat recovered from the confrontation with Thanos- leaving the slightly older brunet a stuttering, shell-shocked former rapist- having to deal with all the immense emotional turmoil of Thor being in his boyfriend's god damn living room...well, suffice to say, alcoholic therapy sounded like a pretty damn good idea.

Anthony sighed, nodding and trudging into the kitchen to get god-knows-what from god-knows-where. Loki's eyes followed him out of the room, a frown tugging on his mouth. Stark looked wrung out and tired. He looked exhausted and old. If the youthful, goatee-ed man looked weary already, Loki shuddered at the hot mess he must look. Honestly, he doesn't even care- what? Loki? Doesn't care about how he looks? Will wonders never cease?- right now, he just wants to...breathe? Think? Survive yet another travesty in his super-duper fucked-up existence.

But, the worst part of it all, is, he actually might be happy. Well, around the numbness and shaky hands and terrific headache- Loki's almost smiling. And that horrified him. Why in all the nine realms would he, Loki Laufeyson, be happy that his abusive ex-boyfriend is back in his life- in a roundabout, shocking, completely unforeseeable way? Why? Does he have some sort of tumor in his brain? Or has he just completely lost all his motherfucking marbles once and for all?

Fun Fact #16: Loki's been positive he was crazy for a long time, now. It was nothing new. But, he'd been tested, and come out fairly clean- excepting some traces of 'likelihood to have an eating disorder or other mental disorder.' -snort- No shit, Sherlock.

"Loki, do you remember when we first met?" Thanos was smiling at him from across the table. Loki couldn't stop smiling back. His rather volatile, violent boyfriend was in such a good mood, and Loki had no fucking clue why. But, he wasn't one to look a gift horse in the mouth.

He thought back, letting his eyes run across the tablecloth. It was soft silk under his fingertips, and pretty rosey patterns drew their way along under his studious eyes. "Yes, I met you at one of dad's parties, right?" Oh, the innocence in his voice. It made him smile, because he knew just how much Thanos adored that last trace of purity. A purity the young man was taking away, inch by excruciating inch. Is it ever an easy or painless process to lose one's innocence? Loki thought not.

Thanos smirked prettily, pink lips curling soft and curvaceous. The lithe, tall young man leaned on his elbows, putting him and Loki nearly nose to nose. His crystal blue eyes were twinkling like stars. Loki's heart skipped a lovestruck, smitten beat. "No, no, darling. The first time we met was two years ago, at Thor's graduation party. I was there, but," He looked down and blushed, shamelessly flirting when he looked up at Loki under long dark eyelashes. Oh, god, he was devastating. Loki had long ago forgotten what breathing was. "You were just so stunning that night. I was afraid to approach you, or talk to you, or do anything but wave awkwardly when Thor introduced us. You got so wasted that night, so, it's not surprising you don't remember." He winked a sky-blue eye and they both laughed.

"I actually vaguely remember that." Loki giggled. "It's hazy, but I remember you. You were beautiful then. I had the biggest crush on you." It was his turn to blush. "You were half the reason I got so drunk. I wanted to say something to you, but I was so worried about what Thor would do if he found out I was gay." Loki shook his head and bit his lip, averting his eyes from the piercing gaze that stopped his heartbeat. "I was smitten by you, but I felt like my hands were tied."

Thanos' soft fingers wrapped around his chin with rare gentleness. His touch was almost as tender as the look on his face. One area Thanos was not lacking any compassion in, was when it came to their sexual preference. They'd both been mistreated for their orientation. For Loki, it had come primarily from his father- constantly berating him for not being manly enough, for not being enough like Thor, the family warrior and your typical American male who was brainwashed to believe 'real men' didn't cry or read or care about being even vaguely literate. Thanos was a different story, though. He had grown up in boys boarding schools where no one got suspended because their dads owned half the world. He'd gotten his fair share of beatings when someone had leaked the 'secret' that he was into dicks instead of vaginas. After that, life had gotten rough, and Thanos had been on the receiving end of more homophobic beatings than he ever wished to remember.

"Loki, don't let them dictate your love. Love who you love, baby. Especially if you love me." He winked again, drawing a watery smile from Loki. He almost couldn't get over how different Thanos was, how...sweet and affectionate. It was like he was a completely different man for the night.

Too bad, it only lasted for the rest of the meal.

On the way home, he got a black eye and a bruised lip before being shoved into bed by hard, uncaring fists.

Loki visibly flinched at the memory. A dull ache throbbed in the small of his back and the lowest edges of his stomach. A glass with his favorite vodka mix was placed in front of him, and calloused yet gentle fingers swept a strand of black out of his face. "You okay?" Stark's big brown eyes were focused on him with concern.

He smiled shakily and nodded. Then he locked eyes with Thor, who was a fidgety blond giant on Anthony's suddenly small leather couch. "Well, what do you want?" His voice was hard with practiced disdain. Contempt was not hard to come by when you were Loki Laufeyson, but today, he just didn't have the stamina to actually work up any kind of bitterness or self-righteousness. The fabricated version would have to do for this dramatic production.

Hel, he can't lose his reputation as a catty diva, now can he?

Thor had nearly forgotten the sensation of Loki's molten green eyes burning through his soul like it was mere hay and rubble. How long had it been since their father told Loki he was adopted? Thor still regretted everything he had allowed his father to get away with. Odin deserved to be behind bars, he knew that much. But since he was young, he had been taught that you didn't rat out your family- while simultaneously being made to believe that Loki was a loose cannon and needed to be reported on and snitched on every time he did the slightest thing wrong.

A heavy sigh heaved his chest. When he exhaled, he felt his body literally fold in on itself. "Loki, I...I saw Thanos today." Loki stiffened measurably. Tony looked like he was about to have a panic attack behind the raven-haired teen. "He asked about you, and Tony." He nodded his head towards the anxious engineer. "I think...I mean, I doubt his intentions are pure." Thor bit his lip, then leaned forward, making Loki sink back further into his seat and clutch his vodka closer to his chest. "Loki, please stop shutting me out. Please. I can help you with this. I know what Odin did was wrong, and I know I hurt you, and I'm so so sorry. But Loki, please, please stop this. Let me help you. I'll keep Odin away from you. I get it now." Thor's word vomit tumbled past his lips in a desperate rush that wasn't unlike every other time he had begged for Loki's forgiveness in the past seventeen years.

He watched emerald transform from shock to icy bitterness. Loki pushed him back, standing to his feet in a magnificently angry, graceful move. "You get it now? Thor, I have been telling you exactly what's been going on every time it happened! You were there the first time he hit me! You're going to keep him away now? Ha!" He scoffed, shaking his head vehemently and sending inky hair flying about his face. "Thor, you should've been doing that for the past decade and a half. You can't help me. And even if you could, I don't want your help." The venom dripping from his lips seemed to be making it's way through Thor's system. Everything was slowing to a murky, dense pace. The world was spinning slowly, and Loki's face warped before him.

"I just want you to forgive me, Loki! I'm still your brother, no matter how many times you deny it!" Thor stood, as well, towering over his little brother and making Tony straighten and fasten his eyes on Thor threateningly. "I will always be your brother, Loki, whether you accept it or not."

Loki laughed, throwing his hands in the air. "You think because you say 'I'm sorry, Loki' that everything is just going to be all fine and forgotten?" The pallid boy was starting to sound a little high-pitched and stressed. It was like deja vu. "You broke three of my ribs, god damn it!" Loki started pacing, running spidery fingers through tangled pitch tresses. "You cannot just waltz back in here, when my god damn abusive ex decides to drop in for a nice, three year long howdy-fucking-do, and decide to try to be a motherfucking brother for once!" Loki's eyes were stabbing his angrily. Thor felt his heart break a bit at the rage and brokenness in his little brother.

"Loki, that isn't how I meant it to be. I've been trying to get a hold of you for weeks!" Thor pleaded, feeling the tears in his eyes start to collect. "I've called you and called you and texted and you never answer anymore!" He was shaking because he didn't understand any of this and yet it all hurt so deeply. Thor and emotions didn't mix, and this...this was a fucking cauldron of smoldering, ruinous emotions that his little brother had been feeling and saving up for years. This was a decade old heartache. For both of them.

Loki's face lost its ferocity. He shook his head slowly, dropping his eyes to the floor, long curls falling over his shoulders as a kind of protective veil for his expressionless face. Thor gulped. "Thor, had you considered that I was ignoring those calls because I wasn't ready to talk? Had you thought about giving me time to forgive you, instead of once again assuming that the world revolves around you? I cannot just snap my fingers and forgive you for what you did, and I refuse to overlook what happened. When I want to talk to you, I will inform you. But until then, I don't want to see you. I don't want to hear from you. I don't want you to call or text or email or send me a letter in the mail. I want you out of my life, until I so decide to let you back in. If I decide to let you back in. You cannot help me, Thor, you are not my big brother, nor my knight in shining armor." His voice was soft, but that bitter poison was still very much present. The tears in Thor's eyes started to fall down his face. "Now, leave."

With a heart almost heavy enough to drag him down, down, down into the earth's very core, Thor left the apartment. It was almost too much to bear to think of how angry his little brother was towards him- because Loki had always been a part of his heart. Loki had always been Thor's little brother, since the moment those baby green eyes had locked on his, and Loki had flashed a toothless smile his way. Thor had been wrapped around Loki's finger since that very moment, and white teenage hands had wrapped around his heart too tightly to withstand as they became teenagers. Whatever Loki wanted, he got.

But there was a darker force in Thor's life that was even stronger than Loki. Even more manipulative and fiendish. And that was his father. Senator Odin Odinson, who had taught him to be a soldier, a warrior, who had taught him to obey command without question. And he had, for too long. Now, it was time for Loki to be safe, for Loki to have the upper hand, for Loki to win the war. As much as Thor loved his father, Odin had crossed an unforgivable line when he had instructed Thor to break his brother's ribs- just as the man he had slept with and loved two years ago had. Thor had known it was wrong, his very heart balked at just the idea, and it rended itself in two as he broke down the boy he had loved as only a brother can for seventeen years.

Now, Thor would walk through fire to get his brother to let him back into his life.

He might even betray his commanding officer.

His father.

Tony let his eyes close heavily as he lay on the couch with Loki, feeling the boy move to rest his head over the arc reactor. Fingers twined through his, pulling their intertwined hands between them as Loki nestled close to him. He loved that feeling, even with the interminable sorrow in the moment. The heat Loki brought along with a goose-bump chill that spread from his spine throughout his whole body every time Loki touched him. He wouldn't give this up for the world. This love unlike anything he had ever felt before.

"Thank you, Anthony, for being by my side today." His voice sounded kitty-cat sleepy. Tony let himself draw stained and scarred fingers through Loki's thick black curls. It felt like rough silk against his skin.

"Where else would I be?" He murmured, feeling to the depths of his being exactly how much verity rang through that statement.

"Oh, Stark, don't say things like that." Loki whispered in a cracked voice. Tony frowned and looked down at the little being that had curled in on its long limbs and pulled itself into a tiny ball at his side. He realized exactly what Loki meant, a little belatedly.

"But it's the truth, Loki. The truth deserves its day as much as a lie." He murmured, wrapping strong arms around the bony boy. "You know I'm being honest, you know it's okay to trust me, so why won't you? Why won't you take me at my word, love?" Of course, Tony's doing that thing where you ask a question you already know the answer to, because he knows Loki's running. Loki is scared shitless of this, just like he is. The thought both comforts and scares him.

Loki looked up at him with swimming green eyes, drowning in a sea of salty tears. "Because no one ever means stuff like that. Not even the people who are supposed to mean it, and be there, and stick around. I've trusted so many people, and it was always the wrong decision. Always." He shook his head, pulling away from Tony and sitting Indian style on the couch beside him. Tony reached over to brush his wayward hair out of his face. "I want to trust you- to commit and love me and be here with me forever- but I cant. I know better by now. I can't." He shook his head, burying his face in his hands miserably.

Tony's heart ached.

He knew he couldn't do those things faithfully. He knew he wouldn't be able to commit, because there was too much booze and science and pain in the world for either of them to be steadfast and unwavering. But somehow, that's why they worked, because everything was loose and easy...until something tragic happened (in other words, like every other day). Yet, hearing Loki say he couldn't trust him broke a little piece of him inside. Something he hadn't even known he had. Something like a spare part to his heart, that screw that really didn't belong with all the rest of the parts. That extra piece that had been put away because Tony didn't want anyone to have faith in him or trust him or care about him, not really. But now, now there was someone he wanted to love him. Now that piece fit in with all the rest. And now it was broken, shattered, destroyed by a few words by a boy who didn't even want to hurt him, who had never wanted anything. Who hadn't even wanted this screwed-up, halfway working relationship.

"I'm not everyone else, Loki. I care. I want to commit. There's just so..." He looked away, gazing out the window into the dark, stormy skies overshadowing the city. "There's so much I can't get past by myself." Adderall. Alcohol. PTSD. The thing in his chest that kept his heart from being shredded to pieces by shrapnel.

Loki was staring at him, he could feel it. What was he thinking? Did he hate Tony for how he was? For his addictions that were fucking up their world so much more than necessary? Did he love him, for trying to be there and protect him when he needed it? Did he want to leave? Did he want to stay? For all the questions in Tony's mind, there were so few answers.

"Let me help you, Anthony." That rough, worn voice sounded like heaven to his ears.

That plea sounded like hell. Because it would mean he had to actually try to get past everything that clouded his head just enough to protect him from the harsh reality. If he wanted Loki, he had to give up a big chunk of who he was- even if that part of him was the worst part. And that idea scared him. What if he changed? What if he was dull without his cavorting drunkenness or his brilliant drugged scientific ideas or his scary traumatic nightmares? Would he be less interesting, less attractive? Would he still have the same personality, if all his addictions were taken away?

Loki stared up at the ceiling, tracing patterns in the little dots that perforated it. It was grey, like the night changing to dawn. A little light came from the living room, where Anthony was getting some water for them. This nightmare that had awoken the watery-eyed engineer had scared them both. And there was nothing in the world Loki hated more than Anthony Stark on the verge of tears. Judging by how long it was taking the man to get a simple glass of water, Loki guessed his boyfriend knew that.

He sat up, sighing and dropping his face into the cradle of his long hands. He could smell Stark on them, his cologne ghosting through every aspect of Loki's life, even his own skin. On the days after he had stayed the night, the smell clung to his skin and clothes from being nearby when Anthony sprayed it on in the morning. It was like Stark went with him everywhere, and the thought comforted him a bit. He wondered if it would make him feel safe, even when Thanos' eyes shadowed him across campus? Would anything make him feel secure anymore? Would Anthony's presence even calm him?

It was hard to reconcile with the realization that Thanos had found him. After two years of freedom and healing, the wounds left by the young man had been ripped open. Every nerve felt this laceration break wide open when he saw those crystalline eyes land on him, igniting his body like he'd been lit on fire- a feeling he remembered almost nightly in his dreams. But this hurt, inside and out. It hurt to remember every abusive word and action, to remember the fists that hammered his body till he was sobbing so hard his lungs couldn't take in another breath. Then, there was the time when he'd had to beg Thanos to stop, stop, stop! He hadn't been able to walk right for a week.

He clutched his pillow to his chest tightly. Where was Anthony? Anxiety was building in his chest like the Empire State Building had taken up residence right beside his heart. Tears started to well up faster than he could sniff them back. Were nights merely for the demons to come and torment him and Stark? What had happened to partying and sloppy, drunken kisses- that he claimed he hadn't meant, but really, really did- and heart to hearts that left them both a bit of a hot mess, but relieved to have finally told someone that something that had broken them to little pieces?

"Lo-Lo, I think-" Stark stopped and squinted at him in the darkness. "Are you crying? What's wrong?" He was bundled tightly in strong arms before he could blink. A kiss was planted against the side of his head firmly; he chuckled through tears.

"Yeah." He wiped the wetness off his cheeks with a loose sleeve. "You'd think that eventually, the tears would run out. No such luck." He shrugged against Anthony's chest, then curled close to him and his warmth. Loki always felt cold and Anthony was like a high-powered heater just for him.

The inventor pulled him under the blanket with him, holding him flush against his chest. Loki wrapped lanky arms around his neck, burying his nose against a chest with blue glaring at him in the darkness. "It's okay, Loki. Cry. No one could blame you for that." As usual, Anthony realized that it wasn't the tears in themselves that bothered Loki- it was the fact that he'd been taught all his life that 'big boys don't cry'. And somehow, it had stuck with him, it had been engraved onto his mind and burned into his psyche so deeply, he almost couldn't get past it. Whenever Loki cried, it made him feel ashamed. Even though he knew that was wrong, he couldn't stop it, he couldn't move on past it. Every hurtful word his father had ever said to make him feel shame had stuck with him through the years, clinging to him like a parasite.

Loki squeezed his eyes shut so tightly, that little fireworks blazed against his eyelids.

"Don't cry, Loki, dad'll get so mad!" Thor's chubby fingers held his shoulders so tightly, it made more tears accumulate in his eyes.

"Shut up, Thor! I don't care!" Loki whined, shoving his older, bigger brother away. He wiped away tears with a dirt-stained shirtsleeve.

"I do! Now, stop it!" Thor yelled, getting red in the face.

Loki scowled. "Stop ordering me around. Just because you're older doesn't mean you're the boss, y'know." He groused. Stupid Thor and his stupid sergeant bullshit- yeah, seven year old's cuss. -snort-

Thor stomped up to him. "Yes, it does. Daddy said so." He planted his meaty fists on his hips. "Stop crying, baby." He sneered, stabbing a finger against Loki's frail chest.

"Go away, Thor. I want to go back inside." Loki sighed, giving up on reason. It was Thor, for heaven's sake, logic only applied to intelligent humans- of which species his brother was not a member of.

Loki walked past, heading down the hill they were playing on, towards the valley their house was comfortably nestled in. It was a nice enough house- not that Loki much cared- three stories and painted the most drop-dead dull color of white. Loki wanted to puke at the over-drenched boredom of the color. Nevertheless, it seemed like a heaven-on-earth compared to listening to his brother's commands for another five seconds.

"Loki! You can't!" His brother shouted, running to catch up with him. Loki kept walking, ignoring the blond that towered over him already. "Daddy will be so mad!" If Loki had been listening, he might have heard a note of urgency in his brother's voice.

"I do what I want, Thor." He sniffed, rubbing his nose with dirty fingers. His knee still stung from Thor shoving him to the ground, which had started this whole waterworks drama.

He pushed the front door open and stopped dead. A man in an ugly blue suit looked down at him in surprise. His father stood behind the man, glaring at him so hard he thought he might fall over dead just from the look in that blue eye. Oops. For once, Thor might've been right. "Hello there, who are you?" The ugly-suit's voice made Loki want to go deaf. Did adults always sound so snotty?

"I'm Thor." Thor stuck out a pudgy hand and offered a charming smile while Loki merely glared at the man for being in his house and intruding upon his peaceful life. He had forced the two boys out of the house for over an hour- a treacherous offense. "And this is my little bro, Loki."

"What happened to your knee, Loki?" The man asked, being kind enough, but bringing back to mind the stinging pain that started the nearly-dried tears once again.

The fell down his cheeks as he looked at Thor helplessly. Being the loving and adoring older brother he was, Thor wrapped an arm around him and murmured something about a bandaid. Loki heard nothing. He merely melted into the big blond and let himself be led around the men- until something hard grabbed his arm hard enough to make him squeak in surprise at the new, more important pain.

"Stop crying. You're not a baby anymore." A low voice growled in his ear so menacingly, it brought to mind every male villain he had ever read about or seen on TV. "And if you don't stop, I'll give you something to cry about." The voice snarled, the vise on his arm gripping him extra tightly before letting go.

Loki looked at a very pale Thor, and let the tears continue to fall as he was folded into childish arms that shushed him and petted his hair. "It's okay, Loki. I'll hide you."

Loki looked around at the class, relieved not to see a brown-haired head that even vaguely resembled the one he had been dreading all day. He was so paranoid, even the slightest sound made him jump a foot in the air. Natasha had nearly pulled her hair out by the time they'd gotten done with breakfast. Loki couldn't really blame her, he'd have been exasperated with him too. But after last night, and the overly emotional morning when Stark had told him he was going to be okay and kissed away his tears and given him a rose and essentially made him feel like a coveted princess- well, Loki couldn't be blamed for his precarious state of mind.

"Is this seat taken?" A vaguely frightening voice asked in his ear. But Loki ignored the churning in his gut as he looked over his doodling of a rose in his notebook.

"No." He murmured in distraction, shading in the shadowy effigy across the page.

"Did you miss me?" The words took a few long seconds to register, and then Loki's heart jumped out of his chest.

Thanos.

Motherfucking Thanos.

Shit.

He let his eyes finally connect with Thanos', not surprised when everything became ice cold and he kind of turned into an ice-sculpture instead of a really, really pale human that kind of resembled a ghost or someone off Twilight. And okay, from an unbiased viewpoint, the man really was stunning. But, for some reason, all Loki could see was a monster behind those diamond blue eyes that cut through him like he was nothing. Like he had never been anything but nothing. Like he deserved nothing. Like, in the grande scheme of things, Loki was nothing. Nothing, nothing, nothing.

"Well, are you going to sit there looking dumb, or are you going to say something like a mildly intelligent human being?" Mildly. Well, isn't Thanos just full of compliments?

"I-" He shook his head, snatching up his notebook and his backpack and flying out of the classroom- mid lecture, mind you.

He hit the hallway practically running, and nearly collided with Clint Barton. "Whoa! Loki?" Warm, strong fingers grasped him tightly, keeping him from falling on his ass.

He smiled gratefully, just barely keeping himself from tears. "Yeah. Sorry about that. Have you seen-"

"Loki!" A deep, grating voice cut through him like a knife. "I wasn't done talking to you." A heavy hand settled on his shoulder. "You can go." He said to Clint.

Soft blue eyes searched Loki's. "Are you sure, Loki?" A heavy glare was sent Thanos' way. Pretty much the only person who could dismiss Clint like that without getting an arrow stuck in some vital part of their body, was Nat.

"He's sure. Go away." Then Loki was spun to face Thanos. He griped his notebook like it would somehow shield him from the nightmare his tongue would not move to save him from. A few words, and this might all be over. But Loki had suddenly forgotten the English language.

God help him.

Tony was bent over something smoldering in a way that wasn't really promising. Clint stayed a few cautious paces away. Something about the terror written on Loki's face had made him search the science-major, genius-freak out. "Uh, Tony? We needa talk, dude." He said, feeling a few darts of fear shoot up his back when something sparked.

"Yeah, I'm kind of busy, dude." Tony sent him a depreciating glare. "In case you couldn't tell."

Right, of course. Tony's working, which means that interrupting him was likely to get you either set on fire or word-fucked. He and Loki were so perfect for each other, it wasn't even funny. Not that Clint didn't find it the most awkward thing in the world that Tony Stark was in a relationship with another guy or anything, but hey, his friend was happy and that's kind of what mattered. Not that he would ever admit that or anything. No fucking way.

"It's about Loki." He toyed with a hammer that had definitely seen better days. Did Tony stress every tool he worked with past breaking point, or what?

Tony's head shot up and brown eyes burned on him like molten lava. Oh, right. He had mentioned being worried about the kid once- more like three thousand times- this morning.

"What happened?" Tony was yanking off his gloves and dialing stuff down faster than Clint had ever seen him move since that time he got really super high and started running around the campus screaming something unintelligible over spring break. "Is he okay?" There was something terrified in Tony's voice that Clint found he really hated.

"Uh, I don't know. I mean, he was with that new guy. Um. Thanos, or something fucking weird like that, last time I saw him. He didn't look...happy." He swallowed hard past remembering that look on Loki's face. He didn't even really like the kid- he was a brat and spoiled and a little too fabulous for him- but that look had made him want to beat the shit out of whatever scared him. Not that Clint's the knight in shining armor type or anything, but he really hated seeing people so petrified. It brought up some distinctly unpleasant memories of his childhood. "I tried calling, but your phone was off or something." He shrugged, averting his eyes.

Stop remembering.

"Where?" Tony sounded panicked.

"Come on, I'll take you." He spun on one heel like a soldier, and took off towards where he had last seen Loki Odinson. Tony on his heels like a frenetic guard dog.

Tony wasn't sure how far his heart sunk, but he was pretty sure it was the seventh circle of hell.

Loki was pressed against a wall, mouth-to-mouth with Thanos. But, when Loki shoved helplessly against the bigger man, that's when Tony felt hellfire start to consume him.

He was running before he realized it, and tackling Thanos before he really gave it a thought. And, to be honest, Tony's been in more fights than he cared to admit, but this was the first one he was sure he could win. Not that he was the best fighter in the world- although he wasn't too shabby- but the rage in the middle of his chest was something he hadn't felt since Yinsen had died and he'd busted out of hell in a ghetto iron man suit that had nearly killed him whilst saving him.

Of course, it turned out that Thanos was just as fucking good a fighter as he was. Of course. Because, y'know, God can't give him a motherfucking break every once and a while. And ow, ow, ow, his nose hurt. Probably because a big ass fist had smashed it against his face. By the time they were almost to the point of breaking bones, he was hauled back by a harsh hand on his shirtcollar, and Loki was like attacking him in a hug, and Thor was in Thanos' face, and Clint was standing between them with a confused look on his face, and campus security was trying to break the whole thing up. And Loki was saying something and giving him a really worried look, but blood was roaring in his ears along with a fuckload of adrenaline and Thor was bellowing loud enough to drown everything out and Tony wanted to break every bone in Thanos' body for the look he was giving Loki over Thor's shoulder. But, just as he moved to do just that, Loki tugged on his arm enough to make his heart crumble into a puddle of tears and love. Yeah, Tony had a heart. Imagine that.

"Anthony, no. Don't." Big green eyes were raining on snowy cheeks that Tony wanted to kiss over and over and over until there were no more tears. "Please, let's go home." There was a bruise forming on Loki's lip. Rage threatened to boil over again.

Instead of killing Thanos- although it seemed Thor was already trying to verbally flay the skin from the brunet's bones- Tony let Loki pull him towards their car.

They fell into bed together. The bleeding was stopped, and pretty much everything hurt. Loki was still sniffling, and Tony puled him close. "I'm so sorry, Anthony." He whispered, his voice almost drowned out by the music the saturnine teenager had turned on while Tony washed the blood off his face. He was shirtless, and the blue light coming from his chest illuminated the room.

"Don't be, love. You didn't do anything wrong." He murmured into inky hair that felt soft and silky against his aching face. He didn't even want to think about the pretty blue and black bruises he'd have in the morning. He's gonna look like a motherfucking zombie. Not to mention, feel like one, too.

But right now, nothing really mattered but Loki. Loki who was tracing idle patterns on his chest and Tony's pretty sure he's drawing miniature arc reactors, which, yeah, is kind of really precious. And the rose he gave Loki this morning is painting the room with the smell of spring, and Loki smells like peppermint and tears, and his hair is a tangled mess. And what's really bothering Tony, is that bruise that was turning purple against the soft pink of Loki's lips- a bruise he didn't put there. A bruise Loki fought against. A mark from Thanos.

"But he kissed me. And I couldn't stop him." Loki murmured, pulling out of his arms and laying on his back. Emerald eyes glared at the ceiling while his lips turned into a very angry red line against pure white skin.

God, he was gorgeous.

"Loki." He waited for Loki to look at him. No dice. "Loki Laufeyson." He poked the tiny teen in the ribs. Emerald eyes flashed into his. It almost hurt how intense and unhappy they were. "I don't care. And you know why?" A disgruntled expression proved that Loki wasn't going to answer- in fact, he was more likely to just murder Tony because he was so irritating. "Because you're here. You're right here next to me. And right here, Thanos is nothing. He isn't here, he can't bother you. And right here, you're mine. I can kiss you. I can love you. And he can go fuck himself for all I care." He moved to lay over Loki, leaning against his elbows and rubbing his nose against Loki's with a smile. Loki returned the expression.

"So kiss me. So love me." Spindly fingers tangled themselves in Tony's hair, gripping his mud-colored curls tightly.

Tony obliged, all too willingly.

If Loki knew one thing for certain, it was that Anthony Edward Stark had a heart.

A/N: So, um. This is a clusterfuck of I don't even know. Maybe it's good. Maybe it's the worst thing I've ever written. To be honest, I don't know which one it is. It is longer, that much I do know. So, enjoy that.

Seriously, all of you guys have been so super sweet and supportive. I can't even begin to tell you how much I appreciate that. I have the best readers on the internet. Like, you guys rock. Seriously. Give yourselves a hug for me, because I would if I were there, but I'm not :/.

What it all comes down to, is, starting this fanfic has been the best idea I've had in...idk, ages? Ever? And you guys are the reasons why. I love to write, and all that jazz, but you guys have made this experience better than I had ever hoped. I didn't even think anyone would like this shit. But y'all do. So, LOVE YOU ALLLLLLL SO MUCH. XOXOX.

You guys have a FABULOUS holiday weekend, okay?

And maybe review? yeah? No? Okay.

[1] Gothic in reference to art, not the fashion. Just so ya know.

xoxox, Rayn.