Disclaimer: I don't own Degrassi, or Don't Go by The Latency

Don't go, I could say that I don't miss you, but my heart knows, that you're the one for me.

Clare

September ended with homecoming; which was on the last day of the month. October came with not much difference – although the leaves were turning a little bit more. People were starting to prepare for Halloween. The air was crisp and cool, and sometimes you got goosebumps if the wind hit your bare skin. It was an enjoyable feeling; although slightly numbing, but enjoyable nonetheless.

But with time came more things to feel than the cold. My feelings for Eli have increased tenfold. It was a terrifying feeling; falling for Eli so quickly, although I tried my best to hide it. I thought I was stupid to think that we could be something, but I couldn't help but think so. Even everyone else thought we were the cutest couple that would either be together forever - even though we continued to tell everyone that we weren't dating - or the cutest couple that would never be. You know, one of those superlative type things. I didn't want to be a superlative. I wanted it to be real. .

After a Friday night football game, I was with Alli, who I had become very close to lately. I had only known her for a month or two and we were already starting to become best friends. Our team lost, as per usual, but I was there because Alli dragged me along to socialize. Alli left in her aunt's car, and I went off on my own to the other parking lot to wait on my dad to come get me. He seemed to be the only level headed parent around here who volunteered to pick me up at 10 o'clock at night without asking me to carry mace; or not allowing me to go at all because "it's too wild." Parents these days.

The October night was crisp, and I hugged my jacket around myself as the wind blew. I brushed my hair out of my face, and noticed people out of the corner of my eye. It was Imogen. God, I hated her so much. We haven't discovered much from trailing her, but I kept my hopes up in case we got her good. But until that day, I was stranded on her little island of torments.

"Aw, look at the little understudy. Auditioned for anything lately? Too bad I already got the spot!" She glared at me, the rest of her friends joining in as if on cue. Oh, but if she only knew what I had against her. What I could do to destroy her. But Eli and I just stuck to spying on her, and so far, there has been literally nothing we could use to totally ruin her. I was disappointed, but I needed to keep my head.

"Go away Imogen," I said simply. I didn't even look her way, but continued on walking. They continued to call mean names after me. Some "understudy", and some "bitch", and probably one or two "sluts" in there somewhere.

Tears pricked my eyes. So I ran. My dad wasn't coming for another half-hour. Might as well get as far away as possible.

It all came out. I cried over my parent's divorce. I cried over having to leave Ottawa and come here because of my parent's divorce. I cried over letting a dumb bitch get to me. But mostly…

I cried over not telling Eli how I felt.

Collapsing into a heap on the sidewalk, I leaned against a chain link fence outside of the school grounds. It was completely dark, and no cars could be heard on the nearby road, because I went in the opposite direction that everybody was leaving the school from. I let it all out. All my frustration, all my insecurities, all my worries, all my troubles, all of it.

"Are you okay?"

I looked up immediately.

Raven black hair; green eyes.

Eli.

"I saw you run from the school. Adam dragged me along so he could try to flirt with Fiona. They're not even dating and already I'm a third wheel," he chuckled.

I cracked a little smile. It seems Eli was the only one to make that smile appear nowadays. I wiped a few tears away, and more fell from my eyes. I sniffled. I saw Eli extend a hand to me, and I got up. We locked eyes, and immediately I dropped his intense gaze. I looked down at our shoes, and let the tears fall.

Next thing I knew, he had his arms wrapped around me. His warm touch and husky scent enveloped me. I placed my arms around his neck and dug my head into his shoulder, crying harder. His embrace was warm, and I felt my entire body burn with desire.

"Don't let go," I whispered.

"Never," he said softly.

I smiled, and held Eli tighter. I'm not sure how long we stood there, but I didn't really mind. I just held on to his leather jacket and stained it with my salty tears.

I pulled back, and I looked at Eli; a stray tear falling down my cheek. He reached up and wiped it away with his thumb, and left his hand lingering on my cheek. I tilted my head in the direction of his hand, and placed my hand over his. I looked into his eyes – such a dark green on the outside but fades to lighter greens on the inside. I could get lost in those eyes; counting the different shades of green in his eyes. They shined with some sort of light that was never found anywhere else. It's what made them special. Seemingly ordinary but if you looked hard enough, you found something beautiful. I found the overwhelming urge to kiss Eli, and although the thought of doing such a thing made my heart race, I still felt afraid of rejection.

The tears stopped falling, and at the moment I was in a feeling of pure happiness. Eli smirked a little, and I dug my head into his neck and took in his amazing scent. He tightened his arms around my waist.

Eli looks at me with a concerned look, "Are you okay?"

"A little," I said, "I just don't know why I let people get to me so easily."

"You're not made of stone, Clare, don't try to be, either. Sometimes everybody has moments like this. You become vulnerable when it comes to people hitting you where it hurts most," he said.

"How is it that you know me so well?" I laughed.

Eli smirked, "It's just because in some ways, we're alike. I can relate what you're going through."

"Well, it's nice to have someone that understands," I whispered, looking at the ground silently. Eli lifted my chin with his thumb, "Me too."

The temptation to kiss him was unbearable now, and I could feel myself tilting my head and leaning in. Our eyes were connected, and my heart was beating so fast. I hoped he didn't hear it. I didn't want him to know how nervous I was. But I wanted him to know how much I wanted to kiss him. I was hoping he felt the same. I was hoping he would never leave. To my glee, Eli leaned in too, and just as our lips were about to touch…

"Ahem"

I tore away from Eli's intense stare, my heartbeat slowing down, and I blushed a little. Turning to my left I saw my father sitting in his car, with the passenger window down, pulled over by the sidewalk. Eli chuckled, and I pulled him in for one last hug, looked in his eyes, and turned to get in the car.

Watching Eli fade away in the distance, his hand in his hair, ruffling it a little, and turning back to the school, made me depressed. I immediately wanted to be next to him again.

"Should I ask?" my dad asked.

"No," I answered.

My sanity was a rubber band, and Eli was tearing it until it broke. But he also brought a refreshing feeling that I've never felt before. What it was – I still did not know. I got butterflies, and it was frustrating because he wouldn't just admit that he had the same feelings for me that I had for him. It was a love/hate type of feeling. I loved feeling the way that I did but I also hated it. I was plagued with the disease of puppy love but also struck with insecurity. I wasn't even sure if it was puppy love. It could be real or it couldn't. I was confused, and Eli being vague was not helping the situation at all; if anything it made it worse.

I would never admit it, but I was almost ready to give up. I was waiting and waiting, but what exactly was I waiting for? I hated not knowing what I was up against, and love was one thing that I didn't want to mess about with.

It was the same thing every day. Wake up, school, theatre, spy on Imogen, go home, eat, sleep, repeat. What made it worth going through? Eli. Always Eli. But what made it complicated and confusing?

Eli. Always Eli.

I had always wondered what it would be like to be in love, and for once in my life I think I'm almost there. I wasn't sure; I was caught in between. I didn't want to admit it to myself or other people because I was worried of what they'd think. But what was I so afraid of? I wasn't sure and it was tearing me apart. All I wanted was to be sure, and right now, I'm not.

Here I am still waiting, and for what, I'll never know.

Eli

I chased after her because I felt like it was right. I saw her crying, and my heart broke at the sight. I couldn't let her run away like that. She could get hurt.

But I trudged into dangerous waters.

We almost kissed. We came the closest to kissing that we ever had before. My heart was beating so loud, I could hear it in my ears. And God, I wanted to kiss her so bad. She smelled like vanilla, and sunshine, and happiness, and I just wanted it. But the time wasn't right. It just wasn't in the cards for us tonight.

Same time Monday? On the front steps? I texted her.

Of course. She responded.

End of Chapter