Was it possible to die while still living?

He didn't want to live even a single second longer. With each shallow breath that he uttered, loathing filled him. Why couldn't he do it? All he would need to do was throw himself into the choppy waters below. With luck, he would hit the jagged rocks that ran along the side of the mountain; ensuring that if he did make it into the water he would be dead. No chance of surviving.

What was he? A failure, an absolute failure. He had placed his hopes on something that didn't exist. A cure. He had thought it would work, placing his trust in that man that the fugue mushrooms would save her. Oh, yes she had gotten better for a day. But what now? Now she was clinging to a state of life and death. She wouldn't come out of it. He knew this. The moment he saw her laying still on the ground in front of her mailbox, her arms clinging to her ribcage, his illusions of their future together had been shattered. She wasn't going to get better.

How foolish he had been, thinking that she was going to make a miraculous recovery because of a potion that he had made up. It wasn't medicine; it wasn't even something to rely on. It had been made of dreams; disgusting dreams. And now she was in a coma. Was she dreaming? Was she in pain? He didn't know. He didn't know anything. Except he knew one thing for sure with every fiber of his being.

There was only one way that she would escape it would be death. He couldn't do anything about it. Nothing. Except, this time he wasn't going to let her die alone. He would be there with her.

Taking a step forwards, the faintest ghost of a smile crossed his lips. How ironic it would be; him jumping from this spot that overlooked the ocean. This was where their first date had been, not to mention the place where they had been married. It was where the Church was the Church on top of the hill overlooking not only the ocean but the town. Closing his eyes, a sigh passed through his lips. How happy he had been, so many years ago. And how happy he was now. She wouldn't be alone in death. When she died, he would be there, waiting for her. He wasn't afraid.

"You're being selfish."

That voice. It was always that voice, the voice that held a thinly disguised layer of something he could not name. Was it contempt? Jealousy? Bitterness? Or it could have been nothing; nothing at all. Perhaps it was the emptiness in his voice that made Jin doubt himself so much.

"I can't save her." His fingers curled inwards to ball his hands into fists, his nails digging sharply against the tender skin of his palm.

"And nothing will."

Casting his gaze over his shoulder, Jin blanched. His form was beginning to quiver in anger. "You're lying. How would you know? How would you know anything?"

It was as if the Wizard was chiseled from ice. His features were smooth; his piercing grey eyes meeting Jin's smoldering irises.

"You aren't a doctor. How would you know? For Christ's sake, you stay in your house all day, studying the stars without paying attention to reality!" Jin's voice rose in fury, nearly shouting at the man in front of him. His careful facade of indifference was fading, replaced by an intense passion. He wanted to hurt him. Hurt this infuriating man who seemed to triumph over him in every way; to slither into the thick armor that Jin had put up over the years, breaking it apart. It was the Wizard's fault.

It seemed to happen in slow motion as he launched his body forwards. His hands were stretched out before him, poised to wrap about the Wizard's throat. Kill him, kill him, kill him! A voice chanted inside of his head, adrenaline racing through his veins. The tension that had been coiled up inside him, winding tighter and tighter had finally snapped.

And then it happened. A sickening crunch filled the air as he felt the wind knocked out of him. Confusion graced his features; his mind reeling as he came down from the high of his wrath. His back ached; the Wizard holding him by the shoulders against the fence of the balcony.

"Do you want to die?"

Jin's eyes widened as his glasses slipped from their crooked position on his nose, landing on the ground. What had he? How had the Wizard? As realization swept over him; bile rose in his throat. Choking out a strangled cry as he parted his lips to answer, scalding tears formed in his eyes.

"I'm sorry Wizard, I'm sorry." Jin couldn't stop the words from rushing from his lips. Sorry, sorry, sorry. "I've lost her once, and now I'm going to lose her again. I can't – I just can't live without her!"

"Then why are you going to submit Sophie through the same pain?"

The question hung in the air between them; Jin gazing towards the Wizard through watery eyes. It was true. Oh god, how could he have tried to do this? He felt his knees weakening as if they were made from jello.

The Wizard relaxed his grip ever so slightly, inching Jin forwards with every passing moment until his cheek was pressed against his cloak. It was softer than Jin had thought it would feel thinking the plum colored fabric would be rough.

"I'm sorry Wizard. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry." Repeating the words, Jin couldn't fight the urge any longer. His body collapsed against the Wizard's as sobs racked through him. Circling his arms about his shoulders; the Wizard pulled Jin close to him. Being this close to him, Jin inhaled the familiar scent of coffee beans.

"Gale. You may call me Gale." The Wizard replied softly.

Blinking in surprise, Jin's lips formed an "O" shape in surprise.

"It would be dangerous for someone to know my name...that is the only thing that cannot be changed about me."

Shaking his head slightly, Jin was silent for a moment.

"Does this make us…" Wincing as he inhaled, Jin's gaze voice wavered uncertainly. "Friends?"

"Friends."

It still seemed as if he were living in a dream. Ever since that day, Jin felt as if he had returned to how he had felt the days after Sophie had died the first time. It was as if he were carved from stone; hollowed out inside.

Was it bitterly cold? Or was it warm with sunshine? He wouldn't have had an answer to that simple question. Jin was barely able to keep track of time, feeling as if he were suspended in a sort of limbo.

"Jin, a – a patient is here to see you."

Was that his mother? Not once in his lifetime had he ever heard her falter in her speech, not for a single moment. Snapping his head up, Jin squared his shoulders. He wouldn't have minded remaining alone. It was always the same with the visits. Smile, be attentive, be caring, and be confident. Don't show that you are weak or have emotions as any person. Doctors were supposed to heal people who needed help. Doctors didn't need help.

"Send them in." Jin replied warily, turning his chair slightly to the side at an angle. This way he could keep his eyes focused on the notepad in front of him, the tip of his pen scribbling back and forth across the page.

"Jin" A voice called faintly, footsteps filling the air. The aroma of coffee…

"Why are you here?"

"I'm going to help you."

Bleakly he lifted his head, gazing blankly in front of him. Help him? What did he mean? After he had practically tried to murder him, Jin hardly saw how he was deserving of help. He didn't deserve help from anyone.

"We're going to see the Witch." The Wizard uttered the words, reaching his hand out to wrap his fingers about Jin's wrist.

"Why?"

"She has a cure."

Note

I'm sorry if the last chapter made it seem like this story wasn't going to have angst. If you dislike it..well…turn back now before the flying monkeys come to snatch your heart. Wizard of Oz reference~