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Chapter 27 – Disbelief

EDWARD

I woke up, doing my best not to wake Bella. I'd had a nightmare. It had been a while since I'd had one. Bella had a way of keeping them at bay, but this one was new. I knew it was because of our conversation last night. I was still a little shocked at how well she'd taken it. I was worried that maybe she was just faking, because she didn't want to upset the crazy person. The problem was she was actually driving me crazy with her easy acceptance.

How could she truly be okay with this? I knew she had no sense of self-preservation, but I was pretty sure having a convicted rapist around would have freaked any woman out. Hell, even my skin crawled just thinking about the word. I looked down at her, snuggled into my chest, and wondered what was really going on in her head.

She woke up a few minutes later and saw me watching her sleep. She smiled up at me and said, "Now that's creepy."

"What?" I asked startled and quickly moved away from her, so I didn't make her uncomfortable.

"Chill, Edward, I was talking about the giant spider dangling over your head like some gothic crib mobile." She pointed to a huge-ass spider and shivered at the same time.

"Yeah, I figured that'd be a problem in the cave."

"I'll get the girls. They'll make quick work of him," she said and stood up stretching, letting out a big morning yawn. She was disheveled and beautiful at the same time, beautifully disheveled.

"Here, chick-chick-chick!" she called, and I heard the clucking of the chickens, as if they were answering her back. I wondered for a moment if she didn't have the ability to talk to animals. I mean, Alice saw the future, and I read minds, it really wasn't that farfetched.

Bella pointed out the spider, and one of the larger chickens snapped it up and ran out of the room with it, the other chickens on her heels, trying to steal it from her. I let out a chuckle. They were silly so early in the morning.

"So, can we look for the goats and check out that field? I swear it's probably a grain of some sort. At this point, I don't give a crap what grain it is, I just want it," she said firmly.

I guess we could talk as we walked. "Let's check the letters first," I offered. I didn't know why, but Alice had been really stern about not looking for the goats yet. I just hoped they were okay. I thought it'd really upset Bella if something had happened to them.

She headed out to start breakfast, and I wondered again if she was really fine with everything. I just couldn't see how she would be. I dug out my letter and the first words Alice had written were, "Talk to her!" I thought for a minute she'd doubted that I would actually tell Bella my story, but that was not the case. Her next line was, "You'll drive yourself crazy if you don't!"

She was right. I was slowly going mad over this, and I wanted to talk to her privately, without any poop-throwing interruptions.

I slipped out after her and grabbed the pot, so I could fill it with water for us to drink. She didn't say a word as she worked and occasionally looked over at the clucking birds.

I came back, and she was just plating some food for me and smiled as she set the pot on to boil the water. She sat down and leaned against a large rock. She looked at me curiously, "So, are you going to talk to me or what?"

I hadn't realized my silence was bugging her. I chuckled to myself, because her silence had bugged me as well. I nodded my head. "Alice said I should talk to you, or I would drive myself crazy."

Bella smiled at me. "That I can understand, talking can be therapeutic," she said, before stuffing another scoop of eggs into her mouth. She looked at me expectantly, waiting for me to tell her what was bothering me.

"Bella, are you sure you're okay with me being here?"

She rolled her eyes. "No, Edward, of course not, I'd like you to leave the state, so I can move on with my life and never think of you again."

"What?"

"I was joking, silly. There isn't another state to go to, you retard. Look, Edward, I believe you. You said you didn't rape that girl, and from what I know of you, it makes sense. You're not a rapist, Edward."

"But how do you know that? Where's your sense of self-preservation? Heavens, woman, are you trying to get yourself killed! You shouldn't trust a convicted rapist! Are you insane?"

"Edward, sit down," she said annoyed. I hadn't even realized I was up and pacing. I took a deep breath and did as she said. "Let me explain my logic. We've been living together for a few months now, and in that time, I've learned that you don't like physical contact, so I seriously doubt you'd be grabbing some strange girl. Also, I had a couple of really wicked bouts of PMS, one in which I actually hit you after flipping out over something stupid. You never yelled back. I've seen you pissed off, and when you are, you get up and leave instead of yelling at me. And I've never seen you lose your temper with Jake."

"Well, he's just a baby!"

She smiled at my retort. "See, that's my point. You're a good man. Also, you've seen me naked as a jaybird, crying about a non-existent tick on my cooch, and you just walked away. See, rapists don't do that. Not to mention you said it was a little brat that accused you. When I caught you jacking off, you said my name," she said smiling like the cat that caught the canary. "I'm not a little girl. You obviously get off thinking of adult women, not children."

I felt my face heat up with embarrassment. I didn't know she knew I'd said her name.

"And that!" she said laughing. "Edward, you're blushing! I highly doubt that's the trait of a rapist, but that explains it now why you were so adamant about not being a sexual deviant."

"Well, I'm not," I said rubbing my hands down my face. "My experience with women is limited. I find it hard to get past their superficial minds. Honestly, it's just sickening. After the last woman I attempted to date started thinking of her 'list of things to do' while we kissed, I decided to swear off women altogether. Besides, it was usually damn near impossible for me to get aroused, anyway. Most women's minds are a real turnoff. I had to be really drunk to be able to tune them out enough to even get excited, but then when we were alone, I was stuck with their thoughts, and very seldom were they ever about me. That was always a virtual bucket of ice water."

I heard her snicker. I'd just bared my heart to her and she SNICKERED?

She flat out burst out laughing loudly and gasped at me. "I'm so sorry, Edward. I don't mean to laugh. It is just so…" She almost fell over she was laughing so hard.

"It's not funny."

"No, it's not, but it is a relief."

"A relief? So you did think I was guilty! I knew it!"

"Edward, that's not what I'm talking about. I meant your experience, or lack of it. I don't feel so bad now that I have no experience at all in bed, either. It levels the playing field a bit."

I frowned at that. "I…I…you…we…I..." I let out a sigh, not really sure what I was trying to say to her. Well, at least she didn't take the news of my inexperience badly.

I might not have had any hands-on experience, but the minds of men had educated me way more than I'd appreciated. I hoped she didn't doubt my ability to please her now, though. I was pretty confident that I could, especially since I couldn't read her mind and get distracted. Now that she knew I wasn't experienced, I really hoped she wouldn't change her mind about having a physical relationship with me.

I really wanted that, badly.

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