A/N: The chapter title is Your Guardian Angel by Red Jumpsuit Apparatus. Not because it particularly pertains to the chapter, but because it pertains to me and this chapter. So. As selfish as that is, we all have to do something to heal ourselves sometimes. Unwittingly, this chapter started a healing process for me.

There's really not much triggering shit in this. (WOW, I know). So, please enjoy ;). (Even if I'm a selfish bitch, I selfishly want you to fall more in love with this story).

Hugs and kisses, babes.

P.S. You might want to read the one-shot I wrote, Up In The Air, because it kind of has to do with this chapter. Or you can not. It's not necessary.

Tony looked out the window blindly. The wind was whipping around the car, sounding dull and muffled in his ears. Everything seemed blurred and inconsequential. Perhaps this was how it felt, to be so close to the end, to see the light in the tunnel closing up as you ran towards the end. It was as if all those emotions that Tony had been feeling since the explosion, all the drive and love and pain and desire, was just a mirage. Like, just maybe, he had really died in that searing blast of heat. Perhaps all of the things he had been feeling were just a few struggling chemical impulses sent to his nerves as his body and mind shut down.

Tony should have died in that bomb.

It would have been more merciful, like shooting a dog with rabies. Instead, here he sat, feeling everything good and right about him drain away. There was something in his blood, sucking it all out like a leech. With every day that passed, he felt more numb.

Except with Loki.

Loki was a cauldron of searing sensations. His skin sparked electricity in Tony's chest, made his fingertips feel like they were on fire. Every time he looked into Loki's green eyes, something stirred in the pit of his stomach- reminding him he was still very alive. Loki's jet black hair and milky white skin and emerald eyes and crimson lips made the world seem colored by shades so brilliant he hadn't believed they could exist at first. Loki was something ethereal and unreal, Tony almost couldn't believe he was flesh and blood. That pulse beneath his skin, jumping in his neck; the pounding of his heart beneath Tony's hand; the inhale and exhale that whispered against Tony's skin when Loki slept; the warmth of his skin, breathing life into Tony's cold body- it was all profound and astounding.

He looked down at the small box cradled in his hands. Two days from today was Christmas. Loki's gift had arrived today. Opening the lid, he looked down at the delicate chain, from which hung a small effigy of a snowflake. It was fragile, small, shining. He could have snapped it in two between his fingers. As he let it run back and forth across his fingertips, it glinted in the waning winter sunshine. It was perfect for Loki, his 'Frosty'.

The phone in the seat next to him buzzed. It was Clint. "Hey, man." He murmured, closing the box and letting his eyes once more settle on the scene outside- the hustle and bustle of New Yorkers, racing to get last minute Christmas gifts under heavy, downy clouds. The weather forecast a white holiday.

"Hey, Tony. Are you and Loki coming over tomorrow? The campus is like...insane. You guys have to see it. All the lights will finally be up. Steve and Thor really got into the festive spirit this year." The amusement in his best friend's voice brought a smirk to Tony's lips.

"Of course. I'm pretty sure Natasha threatened Loki with a slow, painful death if he wasn't there." He remembered the vibrant redhead and Loki, both bent over a computer to find a gift for Clint.

"I'm not even sure why she goes to these things. I said I'd stay home with her if she didn't go. She must be a masochist. I have claw marks in my arm from the last time we went to a party." Clint sounded exasperated by his girlfriend's trademark misanthropic personality. Tony smirked, her and Loki were two of a kind.

He frowned, "I told Loki we shouldn't go, given what happened last time." He closed his eyes, trying to keep the baying heartbreak away from the forefront of his mind. "But he said he had to." He shrugged, opening his eyes to the soft fall of snow on his windshield.

He could hear Clint sigh on the other end of the line. "I wouldn't let him out of your sight, this time. I mean, you know Thanos is gonna be there. And Thor." He paused. "Tony, if Nat sees that motherfucker, she's gonna murder him." The commination in his voice promised that he wouldn't hold the pint-sized red head back.

Tony growled. "I'll help her."

For almost a year, Tony had been chomping at the bit to beat the ever-loving fuck out of Thanos. With Thor's help, of course. But, Loki had forbade it. And, when it came to Tony and Thor, Loki's word was law. Nevertheless, he couldn't say he hadn't daydreamed about it on more than one occasion. There were some things that made a non-violent soul want to kill. Thanos was one of those things.

"Man, I would too. But hey, maybe he won't come? It's possible?" The hope in Clint's voice was struggling as much as Tony was. In a world such as Loki and Tony's, Hope was a refugee, homeless and pitifully skinny. Right now, Tony would say Hope was on it's death bed.

He shrugged. "Maybe." It was a one-in-a-million chance.

Maybe he and Loki were a one-in-a-million chance.

Loki was searching. Something was lost. This is a moment in which Loki is about to tear his hair out, and Anthony Stark is the most irritating being on earth- not that this a rare occurrence, in fact, it's nearly an everyday thing. Suddenly, all those reasons Loki had refused to move in with Stark were flooding back.

a) Loki has a very short amount of patience. Once it is used up, it takes nearly three years to gain back.

b) Anthony has the potential to drive any stable, sane, normal human being crazy.

c) Loki is neither stable nor sane nor normal.

d) They are both passionate, and passion sometimes leads to violence.

e) Loki has the potential to go bananas and kill Anthony if he doesn't shut the fuck up in five seconds.

"Loki, what are you doing?" Anthony chirped, and at this point, Loki can actually see every atom of the man's body jumping. "I'm ready. And it's pouring snow, would you look at that? Maybe we'll get a couple feet. God, the last time I saw snow like this...well, it was last year, but it was fantastic. Like everyone at the campus was sledding and drinking like crazy. Although, some guy did die of hypothermia. So, make sure you wear that trench coat you're always bitching about not getting to wear. It's gonna be motherfucking cold-"

"Anthony!" The man froze. "Shut. Up." He snapped, covering his face with his hands.

Really, it's not that his boyfriend's sometimes incessant rambling is that irritating. And it's not that Loki's just that acrimonious. It's that he's about to go to a Christmas party, and yeah, that's about to send him into panic-attack mode. He needs his boyfriend. He needs a hug from his boyfriend. He needs his boyfriend to give less of a fuck about the snow, and way more of a fuck about his precarious mental state. If these things don't happen, it's very likely that Loki will have a terrifying mental breakdown.

Someone kneels in front of where he sitting on the floor, his knees to his chest and his face buried in the crook his uncomfortably bony elbows. "Darling, tell me what's wrong." Gentle fingers touched by tragedy and unhappiness pulled his limp body against a warm chest thrumming with electricity and life. It was strange, when his ear rested against Anthony's heart, hearing an uneven beat and a rhythmic electric hum mix together in their own duet.

"I'm scared." His voice was a whispered croak, rough from ragged emotion and the fear that threatened to suffocate him from the inside out.

Anthony gripped his shoulders tighter, pulling him further into warmth and the scent of gasoline and car and the soft echo of hot summer days spent sweaty and sandy in Malibu. "Please, Lo, let's stay home tonight. We don't need to go to this party. Natasha will understand. I just want you here, with me, safe." The soft, buttery tone of his inventor's voice nearly broke Loki into a cascade of sobs and tears and snot.

Because, yes, that's what he wanted. All Loki wanted in the world was to stay here, with this warm, cozy teddy bear of a man and sleep and make love and pretend that they were the only two people in the world blessed with this amazing thing called love and sex and happiness- even if the illusion only lasted twelve amorous hours. But he couldn't, because if he allowed himself to wimp out now, to hide now, to stay in the shadows and hide under a rock and pretend that he hadn't been hurt and violated and abused, than he would never be able to face himself again. He would see a coward- and honestly, Loki sees plenty of bad things in the mirror already, let's not add any more- and if there was one thing Loki refused to be, it was a coward. He would stand up, even if his legs shook.

"I can't." He cleared his throat, sniffling like a little kid. "I can't be afraid of him forever." He rubbed his face against Anthony's soft t-shirt, sighing into the gentle brush of the cotton against his hot skin. "I have to face him. It won't help any one for me to hide here, like some pathetic victim."

Anthony stiffened against him. "You are not pathetic, Loki. You are a victim! It's been two weeks!" He pushed Loki back, glaring into his eyes darkly. "Don't you dare think you're being pathetic or that this isn't entirely his fault. You did nothing wrong. This isn't your fault, Loki." And the pure desire to get his point through Loki's hard head was so touching that Loki nearly fell into a pitiful ball of tears again. He blinked back the stinging wetness assaulting his eyes once more.

"But-"

"No." Anthony's jaw was tight, and Loki could see a vein jumping furiously in the man's neck. "You are...an angel." Loki was surprised to see Stark's eyes glistening. "You didn't deserve this. And, I'll be damned if I allow you to think you're supposed to be fucking brave right now. You should cry, and you should be scared, and you should be allowed to hide here with me in your fucking pajamas on Christmas Eve while it snows outside. This should be god damn romantic. Not traumatic and tearful." The man sniffed, a wet tone coating his voice with tears and heartache. Something in Loki's chest ached.

Loki leaned forward, placing a tender kiss against Anthony's ruby red lips. "Never leave me, Anthony Stark." He whispered, their skin brushing and his fingers reaching to curl in the man's mud-colored curls. He liked how long the engineer's hair was getting, long enough to twist around Loki's fingers and tangle them together like their skin was twining and their beings were becoming one.

A few tears slipped down Stark's face. "Never. Not in a million years." He buried his face in Loki's neck. "You're my soulmate, Lo-Lo." He pressed his lips against Loki's racing pulse. "You're everything I want, or need, or desire, or breathe. I can't live without you." His fingers gripped Loki's side, one soft thumb rubbing against that puckered scar on Loki's ribcage, denoting the two moments when Loki's life felt like it was ending, exploding, imploding and burning down in wrathful flames of hatred and pain. A flair of white-hot, gut-gripping, tear-jerking memory and sensation pulsed through Loki's veins.

The moment was so intense, Loki almost couldn't handle it. He had never heard words like this, spoken from soft lips, breathed against his skin. It was like Stark was filling the cracks in his soul, where he had broken from being beaten and torn down and ripped apart. And it hurt, this foreign presence of love and compassion within him. It hurt being so close to such an alien being that actually gave a fuck if he lived or died, who didn't have an ulterior motive, who loved him. Loki had never been loved so unconditionally.

Fun Fact #29: Loki still doesn't understand how someone could love him. When he looks in the mirror, he sees a monster, a stolen relic, something used and discarded- torn and dirtied and cheap. He sees something revolting. He believes he is a dirty street dog, begging for scraps of love at a table filled to the brim. But all he gets is crumbs.

"No." He shakes his head, feeling the brush of Anthony's soft hair against the side of his jaw. "Don't say something like that. Don't..." He bites his lips and pulls away from the engineer looking at him with liquid, hurt brown eyes. "Don't tell me something like that. Don't lie to me." Of their own accord, his arms wrap around his ribs tightly, tears filling his eyes- obstructing his view of the crouching teenager.

He blinked, tears slipping down his cheeks, and suddenly, his vision was filled with Anthony's face. "Why would you think I was lying? I love you, Loki, you silly boy." A soft smile toys with the engineer's lips. Loki wants to kiss them. To make this moment get lost in hot breath and sweat and the heavy aroma of love.

Because Loki wants to run.

Because Loki's brain is telling him to get the fuck out.

While he still can.

Tony can almost see the wheels in Loki's brain churning. He can see the fear, the desire, the runaway in Loki's emerald eyes. They're the color of the sea- if the sea could run scared- and the waves within them threaten to wash Tony away, like he never existed. And who's to say he ever did? Or ever will, after this? Will he make an impression? Will he make Loki remember?

"I think, that when we're old, grey haired men one day, we'll look back and laugh at how scared we are right now." Loki murmured. "Or maybe, we'll just think how tragic it is that we didn't spend more time wondering at each other's mere existence like we wondered at comets and stars and the galaxies so far away." And Tony's kind of really having a hard time focusing with Loki's lips moving slowly and thoughtfully and forming words like they're sacred, and in this moment, Tony feels reverence. Because Loki is a god, and Tony, his devout zealot.

"I wonder how you can be so beautiful." Tony murmured, grinning. "And how you can somehow get me so tied in knots that I don't know how to move an inch." Tony kisses the tip of Loki's nose. "And how, somehow, you've made me believe in love and hope and devotion and commitment, and all those heathen words we couldn't utter without a shiver from the devil before." And yeah, Tony never talks like this, but something changed and Loki brought out the romantic in him. "All I ever want is you. All I ever yearn for is you, and your touch, and your heartbeat in my ear, and you in my arms." He presses a kiss to Loki's chin. "You're so beautiful, so unreal and unimaginable. Sometimes I think you don't exist." He whispers these confessions in Loki's ear, kissing the shell of his ear with breathy, seductive promises.

"Kiss me." It wasn't a command, nor a request. It was Loki speaking his mind for him, telling him what he told himself, to kiss, to touch, to hear and to imprint Loki on his skin and him on Loki's skin. Because time was running out, and they were getting tired, and this world was spinning slower.

As the stars slowly appeared, one by one, in the sky, Loki found bits of himself on Tony's skin, and Tony found his words on Loki's skin.

At the entrance, Tony could see Natasha fidgeting with Clint's collar, a worried frown on her face. They were late. But, Loki had insisted that he redo his hair after their, um, activities. It just wouldn't do to turn up at a party with sex hair. Tony was pretty sure he had done that on numerous occasions. It just proved how Loki was pulling him out of the apathetic rut he had been in for his entire life.

"Loki!" Natasha ran up and tackled Loki in a crushing hug. They ended up on the floor giggling, and whispering about god-knows-what as they pulled each other up from their black and green and white and red heap on the floor. "I thought you two would never get here." She eyed Tony, as if it were his fault they were 'tardy'. "You look gorgeous, Loki. Ugh. Your hair." She touched a long, straight lock of inky satin.

"It's terrible." He ran a hand back through it, making Tony's fingers itch to twine themselves in that soft midnight, the color of the night when the stars shone the brightest, blinking sleepily as they watched over the world like alien guardians. "I had to get Stark to help me straighten it." They both grimaced at each other, remembering Tony burning one finger to near third-degree burns. Suffice to say, Tony was pretty sure Loki would be keeping him away from his straightener from now on.

Clint burst out laughing. "I'd pay to see that!"

Loki rolled his eyes. "Yes, yes, Clint. It's so funny to imagine Anthony Stark, playboy billionaire, helping his boyfriend straighten his hair. Alert the tabloids." Tony grinned at Loki's acerbic, sardonic tone.

The raven-haired teen leaned against him, allowing Tony to wrap one arm around his waist and kiss his forehead tenderly. He grinned up at Tony, and yeah, all Tony wants is to kiss those lips, feel that butter-soft skin run line-to-line with his. He knows that euphoria he gets from feeling Loki cell-to-cell with him, lip-to-lip, leg against leg, body upon body. It's like a drug, coursing through his veins and giving him pleasure beyond comprehension. When they are together, naked, hot, barely able to inhale and exhale, Tony feels as if they exist on a whole other celestial plane.

"Tony." Loki and Natasha are talking, huddled together and murmuring so only they can hear, when Clint nudges Tony and nods towards the door. "What do we do now?" The hushed tone made Clint's voice sound raspy and harried. Tony felt cornered, like prey being eyed by a lion.

"You hold on to Natasha, and I'll get Loki. How about we get out of here. Back door, we can go out for drinks or something." He murmured, his eyes trained on the tall blue-eyed man with dark, lank hair.

Clint nodded, moving to wrap an arm around Nat's waist, while Tony grabbed Loki from behind in a hug. "Let's go out with Natasha and Clint, for drinks. Okay?" His voice is dark and seductive, the tone that make's Loki's eyes a little darker, a little deeper.

But the snowy-skinned man wasn't fooled. "He's here?" Tony wanted to deny it, to say no, to pretend like this wasn't all part of the plan to keep him sheltered and unbroken. But he couldn't. Nor was he given the chance.

"Loki! Tony!" Thanos' voice bellowed across the room, above the chit chat, the music, the laughter- which all came to a halt. Tony turned to see the man striding across the room, eyes pinning Loki to Tony's chest. A feral growl roiled in Tony's throat. He stopped in front of them, a wide smile across his face, eyes only for Loki. Tony gripped the shivering teenager closer. He was safe. No matter what. Tony would give his life for him. "Well, cat caught your tongue? Merry Christmas!" He slapped Loki's shoulder as if they had been friends forever.

"Happy Christmas, Thanos." Loki's voice was deep and far from strong, yet unwavering. Tony wanted to lock him away, save him from this pain, shield him from the unkind eyes all trained on him.

Then Tony saw a blessed sight. Two men, bigger than Thanos and far more angry, approaching. Steve and Thor. And they did not look happy- specifically Thor, because god knows, after he found out what Thanos had done, he was ready to chop Thanos' apart, limb-by-limb. Tony would happily watch.

"Thanos." Two meaty hands clapped down on the malicious man's shoulders. "How's it going?" Thor looked like the devil's henchman. Tony was appropriately awed- and somewhat scared, considering the fact that he was fucking this man's baby brother.

Thanos snarled like a threatened street dog. "Fuck off, Thor. This isn't your business." Loki had fully turned into Tony now, and was hiding his face in Tony's shoulder, not even bothering to watch his brother go all bodyguard for him.

"Oh, I beg to differ. When you raped my kid brother, it became my fucking business." And yeah, Tony might just feel like jumping for joy. Seeing the asshole that had plagued and tormented his tiny boyfriend for months on end, cowering and about to piss his pants, was a pretty good visual.

"Let's go, Tony." Natasha murmured, pulling him and Loki towards the door.

At this point, Loki was barely functioning. He was breaking down, the relief flooding off his skin and onto Tony's in waves. The force of it knocked another crater into his bleeding heart. "You're okay now, my lovely snowflake." He murmured, gathering the young man into his arms. "I've got you." The snow fell on them like cool, soft kisses. The sky was leaving her love on their skin in wet diamonds, tainting their hair and skin and even their clothes.

"Don't let go." Loki whispered, his voice ragged and raw. "Please, don't let go." He buried his face in Tony's neck, and dropped off to sleep.

After putting the young man in his car and cranking up the heat, he got out to talk to Natasha and Clint. "Thanks, guys." They exchanged hugs. "I think he just has to sleep it all off tonight." He shrugged, glancing back through the window at the boy sprawled across the front seats haphazardly.

Natasha nodded. "Let him sleep in tomorrow, we can all get together any time. Neither of us are going home." She looked over at Clint, who had an arm wrapped around his red-nosed Russian maven. "Just get Loki to call me. We can go out for those drinks and exchange gifts, okay?" She smiled at him sweetly.

Tony had been most surprised by Natasha's change of heart towards him. Before he and Loki got very serious, she had been suspicious and frosty towards him. But now, she was almost as kind to him as she was to Loki- well, not that nice, but kind enough nonetheless.

"Sure." He grinned. "Happy Christmas, guys." He waved, watching them smile and leave, getting into Clint's car to drive to their hotel room. Everyone in their little band of friends had decided to get a hotel instead of staying at the dorms. Without Loki and Tony's presence, it just wasn't right.

The snow was still falling, coating the ground like powdered sugar and gracing the tree boughs like dandruff. Tomorrow would bring a white Christmas, if not a peaceful one.

Loki woke up in bed alone. He stretched, feeling a cold arthritis aching in his early-morning joints. A few cracks resounded along his spine, and his hair fanned across his face as he turned over onto his back. "Anthony?" His voice sounded deep and hoarse from disuse. "Baby?" He looked around, noticing his own clothes strewn across the room, mixed with Anthony's. It was an amalgam of green, red, and black. He smirked.

"Happy Christmas, princess." The man breezed into the room, wearing red boxers- with hearts on them, mind you- and carrying a steaming cup of coffee in each hand. "For you, my love." He bowed, holding Loki's coffee out towards him- and it was his favorite mug (sure, Tony owned it, but it was Loki's) "Kiss?" He made a kissy face, only for Loki to push him away playfully.

"No way, I have morning breath." He grimaced, laying back in their little nest of pillows and letting the warm mug of coffee rest on his chest. "I need to brush my teeth." He didn't move. "And put on clothes. Or something." He eyed the smugly grinning engineer. "What's with you? Were you Santa's top elf, or something?"

Fun Fact #30: Ever since that one Christmas when Thor and he each broke a bone while sledding, Loki's been kind of a Grinch when it comes to the actual holiday. He loves the festivities (especially the lights, for which he has a childlike wonder) but hates it when the day comes sliding into home base.

"No." He grins and looks pointedly at Loki's pillow.

Loki groans and takes the bait, sliding one hand under his pillow like it is honestly the most tedious thing he's ever done. His fingers come back clasped around a small box wrapped in evergreen shaded paper. And yes, it makes him smile, because his fingernails are currently the exact same color. "You matched it to my nail polish?" He asks Anthony, giggling just enough to come close to toppling his coffee.

"Maybe." Stark shrugged, a pretty smile toying with his lips. "Open it!" The command came along with a new, bouncy version of his boyfriend- who's expression was one of toddler level Christmas glee. Loki was infected by his eagerness.

He tore off the paper, after setting his coffee on a safe, flat, immobile surface. Gently opening the box, he gasped.

It came flooding back.

"You're okay now, my lovely snowflake. I've got you." Stark's had been warm and the snow was cold and it was too many sensations and too much emotional turmoil. But Anthony had called him 'snowflake'. And everyone knows, each and every snowflake is one of a kind. His mind eased, and he fell asleep to hearing himself beg Anthony to never let him go.

Inside the box, was a silver snowflake necklace. It was delicate and shining and beautiful and Loki was about to start sobbing like a baby because it was perfect and his boyfriend was perfect and despite it all, this fucking Christmas was already perfect and it had just begun. And he practically attacks Anthony in this most heartfelt hug and kiss he can ever remember giving, wrapping his arms around the man's neck and kissing his lips between 'thank yous' and 'I love yous' until they're both laughing and Stark's hands are gripping his side and they're laying back on the bed and it's about to become something they can't recover from.

"Wait!" Anthony jumps up, "I've gotta get something." And Loki frowns, because the billionaire got him more than one gift- although they had agreed not to (and yeah, Loki cheated too. Shut up.).

While he's gone, off to god-knows-where, Loki leans over and grabs a box from under the bed- Anthony's gift. And since when did responsible, normal adults exchange gifts in bed? Anthony bounced back in about the time Loki concluded that 'responsible' and 'normal' where words that didn't really pertain to either of them. So, it was allowed.

"Open." He flopped back on the bed, gently setting another box in Loki's hand. "And yes, I broke the rules." He grinned mischievously.

"Don't try to trick a trickster, love." Loki murmured, winking and pulling the wrapping off a custom-made, green and gold lighter with an inscription,

'For the star in my night sky'

This time, tears did fall. And Loki did sniffle and cry and try not to do both, but god damn if he wasn't touched and more in love than he had known he could be. And yes, it was just so perfect, because it was so Anthony. "Do you not like it? Did I-" Loki cut him off with a shaky finger placed across his lips.

"It's perfect, Anthony. Just...perfect." He shook his head, wiping the tears off his face. "I'm just a crier. You know this." He grinned at the worried man. "Here, open it. Hurry." He smirked, carefully placing a box in front of Anthony.

Anthony frowned. "I actually have no idea what this is." He peered at it, trying to figure it out.

"If you don't open it, I'm going to use it to bludgeon you to death." Loki deadpanned, watching the impish grin spread across Anthony's pretty features.

"Hush, I'm going." The wrapping disappeared in seconds, leaving Anthony staring with his mouth open and Loki with a very satisfied smirk.

"You...I..." Loki was crushed before he could blink, held against a warm, strong chest, an arc reactor digging into his ribs almost painfully. "I love you so much." The arms were nearly suffocating, squeezing him so tightly all he could do was smile and hug Stark back.

Between them lay Stark's first gift. And as everything was kicked off the bed, this lay beside them as they second gift was found in bare skin and soft voices and keening moans.

'Proof That Anthony Stark Has A Heart'.

A/N: I'm gonna admit, this may not transfer through, but I was honestly on the brink of tears through most of this. It's actually an extremely personal chapter, and I've poured quite a bit of my own past into it.

Nevertheless, I do hope you enjoyed, and I hope it brought you as many happy butterfly feels as it did me. Because, OH MY GOD ITS SO HAPPY WTF. Anyways.

Pleaseeeee review? Please? Please?

CHRISTMAS IN JULY. Whoop.

So, Happy Christmas to all. Even if it isn't really Christmas. Give yourselves a gift. Like, a pretty shirt or a manly something (girls only understand girly gifts, I'm sorry xD). And know I'm sending you all kisses and hugs and love across the screen.

-Disclaimer- I'm not a creep -.- BUT I LOVE YOU WONDERFUL PEOPLE.

Thanks for the reviews, and the favorites, and the follows, and the views.

You're all beautiful, ok.

~xoxox, Rayn.