Several of you asked what happened while Edward was at the pirate camp…well, here it is.

All Twilight characters belong to Stephenie Meyer

Dollybigmomma made this chapter great by writing Emmett's point of view and adding some extra flare to Bella's. I hope you let her know you enjoyed it. Oh, and she is also the beta cause she can multitask like that. YOU GO GIRL!

Chapter 39 - Unhinged

BELLA

Damn goats! This morning couldn't have gotten any more insane. Chauncey had ruined our breakfast, but Ollie had gotten revenge for me. I think after his last bout of shit throwing, he was growing on Edward. Once Edward left, though, all hell broke loose.

I had showed Chauncey where the water in the cave was to clean up, and then I let her make her own eggs, which Ollie found interesting and kept throwing things into her food without her knowledge. Thankfully, Chauncey had managed to burn her own eggs and didn't notice the extra "seasoning" Ollie had provided. That last beetle he'd squeezed over them was quite juicy.

I needed to feed the goats and headed that way with Jake and the chickens. Ollie decided to attack Chauncey again, throwing dirt clods and more shit at her, since she had thrown stuff at him. I didn't say anything. Turnabout was fair play after all.

She finally came screaming after me, so I told Polly to tell Ollie to stop it. Of course, this incited Ollie to drop down onto Chauncey's head, causing her to scream bloody murder as the two went at each other. Ollie was slapping her everywhere he could reach and dodging her hands, finally pissing on the top of her head, before leaping off for a vine with a big lock of Chauncey's hair in his grip. While I was distracted by her, Jake had opened the gate, releasing the goats. In his defense, we usually did release the goats and took them outside in the mornings. That was just not the plan for today, since the pirates were still visiting.

Sam had been quietly watching this whole mess, until I hollered at him to go get the goats. He went barking down the cave passage after them, getting Ollie's attention, who decided to go after the goats as well. I saw him jump down on one just as they turned the corner, doing his best impression of a jockey. Polly flew after the herd, squawking, "Little bastard!" repeatedly. That had the flustered chickens mixed into the fray, trying to get away from the stampeding goats. I looked down at Jake, and he just smiled at me. "Out," he said looking too cute.

"Where's my room!" Chauncey snapped. "I want a room right now, so I can get away from your insane indoor jungle!"

I shifted the polished metal, so it would reflect down the unexplored cave passage. "Go ahead and go down that way and see if you can find something. Watch out for the bugs, though, as the chickens are full on pancakes, so they won't be clearing them out for you," I snapped, still pissed that she'd wasted my good food and hard work.

She whined and threw her hairbrush down on the table, stomping down the passage. I started running after the goats, calling to them and yelling for Jake to follow me. I had caught site of the goats, who were trying to break down and chew through the blockade Edward had put up. I started shooing them back toward their pen. "Sorry, guys, not today. We don't want you to become dinner."

Sam was a good herding dog and got them to head in the right direction. Ollie jumped onto one of my shoulders, and Polly perched herself on the other. We were moving slowly back toward the pen. Jake was running pretty well now, and he took off into the main room. Polly flew up over Jake's head, perching on one of the roots in the ceiling and began whistling Pop Goes the Weasel, as Jake tried to sing along with her. Sam and I continued around the corner with the goats, and I could hear Jake start laughing and cooing to one of the chickens. I suddenly heard a loud smack, followed by Jake letting out an ear-piercing scream, and then he started crying loudly.

Sam and I both started running back to him. I quickly swept my crying baby up in my arms, and Sam charged forward, barking and snarling at Chauncey, pinning her against the wall.

It was then I noticed Jake was holding his quivering little hand near his face. He had an angry bright-red handprint covering his entire cheek that was quickly swelling and bruising. "YOU HIT MY BABY?"

"The little bastard was using my hairbrush on one of your fucking chickens!" she screamed back at me. The look on my face must have been positively homicidal, because she paled, and she was right to do so, because I was going to beat the holy shit out of her for touching my baby! All the screaming was upsetting Polly, and she let loose, splattering Chauncey's freshly-cleaned hair full of slimy bird shit. I grabbed her and threw her towards the ladder. "You'd better run, bitch, because you're going down!"

I grabbed the carrier and quickly tucked Jake into it, letting him cuddle on my back, as I stomped after that damn bitch. I could hear her tearing through the jungle, but I knew just where she was headed and cut her off. I grabbed her by her hair and yanked her off balance, ending up with a handful of bird shit in the process. "You're getting the fuck off my island!" I growled, dragging her by the hair of her head toward the camp. She finally made it up onto her feet as we emerged from the jungle, and I planted my shit-covered hand in the middle of her back and shoved, causing her to stumble into the camp.

"EDWARD!" I didn't care who the fuck saw me. I was so pissed, I was sure I could take anyone down at this point. "EDWARD!" I shouted again, glaring at the inhabitants of the little makeshift camp.

He came hurrying out, and when he saw what she'd done, I thought he was going to kill her himself. I was glad he agreed with me. There was no way she would survive between the two of us, if she stayed on the island. The captain wasn't so bad, but my hunch about Chauncey was right. That girl was a whore and a troublemaker, one that nobody wanted around, and we were all glad to be rid of her. Little bitch had better grow up and learn that the world did not revolve around her!

Edward walked me back home, holding Jake close, kissing his sore cheek. He was apologizing softly for letting that terror of a woman into our home and promised never to do it again. When we climbed down into the cave, we stood in shock. The goats had been left out in my haste to get back to Jake, and the place was a disaster. Sam was keeping the goats out of our room, and Ollie was hanging from the ceiling, clutching a banana bunch to himself. He dropped down onto my shoulder and started screeching and whooping as he pointed at the goats. He was not happy with them.

Polly swooped down squawking at the goats, "Run, Bitch!"

Edward looked at me, raising an eyebrow.

"Shut up, she hurt my baby."

"Oh, I'm not surprised by the language, just that you gave her a running head start."

CHARLIE

Margaret had a nephew who was a cop, so she brought him in to work with us. We needed someone in this jurisdiction. I was more than a little unsettled to hear they'd had a dirty cop come in and hold them at gunpoint. I understood what Alice meant about Rosalie handling herself.

I met Officer Newton on the corner and led him back to Emmett's. I walked straight in, because knocking was a sign of danger. Once we were inside and the door was shut, I turned to him. "Son, this case is big and it's bad. This will make your career if we can blow it wide open, without getting blown away ourselves."

He nodded in response.

"What I'm about to show you and inform you of cannot be leaked to anyone in your department. They have plants there. That's why we made sure we got you. We know you're clean."

"Plants?"

"Yup, as I said, BIG." We walked into living room, and I introduced him to everyone.

Rosalie explained our problem with the dirty judge and crooked law firm. Her guy, Demetri, had found several properties that were put in the dirty judge's wife's name, just days after each of his corrupted cases. The trail was looking as clear as the yellow brick road.

EMMETT

I think we were going in circles. At least that was what it felt like. I was regretting not getting that bottle of booze back in Florida now. Captain What-the-fuck was hopping around the deck of the boat, singing some song about fingering a mate and swimming with some dude named Davey. Sounded kind of gay to me. Alice was right there with him, smiling and laughing along with the insanity. I had pretty much concluded that they were both a few clams shy of a chowder. He pulled out a scope and was making a show of searching the horizon, becoming suddenly excited.

"LAND HO, YE LANDLUBBERS!" the captain yelled. It was about damn time. I stood up to see what he was hollering about and spotted the dot of land on the horizon. As we got closer, I figured out that it wasn't the deserted island we were looking for. Quite the contrary, the place was packed with tourists. We'd found the Bahamas.

Not that I didn't enjoy ogling a few skimpy bikinis and drinking a fruity drink or two while lying broadsided on the beach sunning my junk, but we weren't on fucking vacation. I was about to say something about continuing to look for the island, when Alice started jumping up and down.

"They have great shopping here! We can check out the markets and pick up some souvenirs while we're here. Ooh and I want to get some new clothes for Bella and Edward. I'm sure they're sick of wearing the same two outfits for months now. Jacob is going to need some bigger things as well. He's really grown a lot…"

She continued to rattle on as we pulled up to a marina. The docking fee was outrageous, but I managed to talk the guy down. That was until Captain Idiot decided to jump in on the negotiations, offering to pay the dude in pirate booty. The captain really needed to watch his mouth, because the guy was looking him up and down like a Chinese menu and was a little too eager to order the Pu Pu platter.

We finally got things settled with the boat and headed into town. I tried to convince them to leave the bird on the ship, but Alice assured me everything would be fine. It was just about lunch time when we hit town, and I was ready to sink my teeth into something that I didn't have to find the can opener for, when I heard it.

"Swallow it, bitch!" the damn bird squawked from the captain's shoulder at some chick walking past us, deep-throating a large melting popsicle. The girl was startled and began to choke. Her boyfriend seemed to be torn between wanting to perform the Heimlich maneuver on her and kicking the captain's ass. Thankfully, he chose to save his girlfriend, and I was able to get them the fuck out of harm's way. Getting arrested for brawling would be all I'd need right now.

We managed to find a little seaside burger stand, and I stuffed down two large cheeseburgers with everything, before I was ready to take on the marketplace. The captain was looking more and more unhinged the further into the throngs of people we ventured, but Alice had him by the hand, dragging him from vender to vender, buying everything under the sun. He was twitching, and his eyes were getting that wild, feral look, as if he was looking for the closest exit. He'd obviously spent too much time on his boat and away from people.

I was beginning to feel like a fucking pack mule as Alice loaded me down with shopping bags, and I was about ready to confiscate her credit cards. The captain was sweating profusely and looked like he was about to pop a nut, so I got Tinkerbelle to start heading back toward the marina.

We were knee deep in tourists wearing ugly clothes and paying too damn much for imported shit, when some fucking old tight-fisted geezer with a New York accent started an argument with his ugly-assed wife about blowing money on useless tourist shit.

"Well, listen to Mr. 'If it's retail it's robbery' smuck. Never mind, Murray, I'll just tell my mother you couldn't be bothered to get her a two-dollar refrigerator magnet. She gives birth to a nice girl, so you can have someone to do your laundry, and this is how you repay her. I see how you are, Murray. I should've married that doctor my mother liked so much. I'd bet after twenty-five years of marriage, he's be honored to buy my mother a refrigerator magnet."

"Knock it off, Sheila! This placed is nothing but an overpriced tourist trap. IT'S A G-D TRAP I tell you!"

"IT'S A TRAP! Rraaark!" that damn parrot squawked, picking up yet another useful phrase.

That was all it took to send the captain over the edge. He ran screaming, "It's a trap! Run for your lives!" through the marketplace, the bird squawking obscenities and trying to hang on to his shoulder the whole way. He managed to find his way out of the market, damn near causing a riot as he bolted through the crowds. Alice and I caught up to him just as he hit the marina and made a beeline for the boat.

Alice went to calm him down, and I dumped her shopping bags on the deck and went in search of a damn liquor store. There was no way I was going to survive the rest of this trip sailing with Captain Quirk without a little help from Captain Morgan, that was for damn sure.

A/N: Thanks for reading and please review!