* 40 * 7/16/12

Lily walked back to the Keep, Ounce in her arms. When she passed by a training dummy, however, the kitten started meowing uncontrollably, staring at it. She followed the cat's eyes and didn't see anything particularly special. She walked closer to the dummy, keeping an eye on the cat, until she was standing right next to it. Ounce stuck out a paw and clawed at the material that held the dummy together. Lily immediately took the kitty out of reach.

"You're a mischievous one, aren't you?"

"Mow," was all she got in return.

The sun elf grabbed hold of one of the Keep's heavy doors with a hand, keeping the cat high up on her collarbone to prevent him from falling. When she was inside, she figured she'd finish what she started in the dining room, and also let the little cat have some food.

She neared the dining room just in time to see Casavir awake and walking to his room.

"Good evening, my lady," he greeted her. Taking a good look at the cat, he asked, "Is that not...?"

"The kitty we saw earlier, yes," she affirmed. As if wanting to answer himself, Ounce stiffened regally and replied with a meow.

Lily thought it would be cute to see Casavir's reaction, so she put the cat up to his chest, waiting for him to outstretch his arms. Ounce was impatient, though, and simply jumped from her hands onto Casavir's shoulder, using the serrated edges of the paladin's armor to balance himself. Lily giggled.

Casavir grinned, a reaction Lily wasn't expecting. He raised a finger to the cat to let him sniff it, then started petting him. When Ounce was satisfied, he used his vantage point to take in the view of the Keep, looking every which way.

"Bishop fetched him from the house we visited," she explained. To her surprise, Casavir's bright expression didn't change at this proclamation.

"Will he be taking the place of your ferret?" he asked gently.

"How do you know about that?" Lily inquired, baffled.

"You told me a few weeks ago, my lady."

"I do remember, but... Well, I didn't think you were actually listening," she confessed.

"I listened, my lady."

Lily was impressed. The talk they'd had weeks ago was mostly idle banter, but Casavir had clearly been paying more attention to her words than she had originally thought.

"I'm not sure if he'll become my familiar. That's up to him. He might be more interested in terrorizing Aldanon and Sand in the library," she joked, only half-kidding.

Casavir decided to take a risk and bring up a touchy subject. "I'm glad your mood has improved."

Lily couldn't help but start laughing at Casavir, having a cat crawl all over him while he spoke.

She smiled. "I am too. I was sad to leave the kittens to be put down, but we can't take care of them all. Ounce seems like he'll already be a handful."

"Ounce. Is that your name?" asked Casavir of the kitten. Ounce looked at the paladin's face with wide eyes.

Lily had never seen Casavir like this before. Did he like all animals, or just cats?

"Forgive me. I did not mean to prevent you from reaching your destination."

"I was just heading to the dining room to finish whatever was left. I figured this little guy would probably want to eat, too," she explained, encouraging Ounce to jump back into her arms.

"Do you mind if I join you?" asked the paladin.

"Why not?" She wasn't really that tired just yet, what with the renewing excitement of getting the kitten. They went to sit down in the dining room, and immediately, Ounce jumped onto the table and started tearing up a piece of chicken.

"Oh, there he goes," she chuckled. Lily gathered some food for her plate, but only included one or two pieces of meat. The rest of what she grabbed mostly consisted of fruits and vegetables. Casavir only had a glass of water.

They both sat quietly while Lily took her time eating. By now, Ounce was already full, content to plop on the table and move his tail back and forth.

There was a pause in her actions.

"What do you think about love?"

Casavir nearly spit out his water. "...My lady?" he inquired nervously.

"Those two we met earlier, where we found Ounce," Lily elaborated. "Do you think that can be love?"

Casavir relaxed, his pulse going back to normal after a few heated seconds. He thought on it.

"I am not sure," he admitted.

She fully turned to him. "Is that your religion speaking, or you?" she challenged.

"My faith is a large part of my life, and indeed, in its view, incestuous relations are wrong. But I would not say that religion is ultimately influencing me to think a certain way."

"Why not?"

"There is a part of me that must admit that it is harmless, what those two do with themselves. So there is a conflict, and I am not entirely certain of the way I feel."

"You just told me how you feel. You feel it's harmless, but your faith muddles what you think."

Casavir considered this. "Perhaps." Normally, he'd definitely disagree, but the way Lily was explaining it just made sense to him at that moment.

"Have you always been religious?"

The paladin's mouth now was in a hard line, a familiar expression.

"No," he said, after a very long silence. Lily encouraged him to continue, and her influence pressed him further.

"Faith in Tyr is something that I would say I...learned, rather than felt, in the beginning," he revealed. "Growing up, I was encouraged to do the right thing; that is, the thing that Tyr would desire of me," he clarified.

"But you disagreed with what Tyr wanted you to do?"

"I did. I did not see how common men could claim to understand the wishes of a god. It made very little sense to me. But I continued listening to what I was told; I went on learning about holy scriptures and going through the motions, but I never took a word of any of it to heart." Casavir sighed. "Until one day, when my brother was killed."

Lily gasped. She had had no idea. "Please, go on," she implored. Casavir exhaled in melancholy again, but Lily's desire to know was enough reason for him to continue. The paladin noticed that, now that he felt close to someone, he could feel the words start to slip from between his lips, as if he'd wanted to get this out for awhile, to tell someone of disturbing matters that still plagued his mind.

"Just like me, he hadn't believed. Truly believed. And that was what the rest of the village said killed him. He was always reckless, and skipped service whenever he could. I looked after him as best as I could, but I could not save him from himself."

Casavir took a sip of his water, cleared his throat, and continued. "He had gone out that night to meet with a little blonde girl - one just as godless as he was - from a nearby village. We found out afterward that that was his escape. Every night, rain or shine, that I did not drag him back to service, he would meet that girl, and they would play together – though she was more than five years his junior. I had found and spied on him that night, chasing her around the forest almost invisibly in the dark and being chased back, like two careless sprites. They seemed immortal, like nothing could touch them in their bliss."

"When they were out of breath and sat down to rest, they made a promise to each other. They would run away, and leave this life behind, they said, because both villages were built on the foundation of religion, and the religion of others had only caused them unhappiness."

"Seemingly not more than a moment later, the dark clouds howled, and a harsh wind began to brew. I ran after them, but they had gone too deep into the woods that they knew so well." Casavir paused for a second before continuing. "Eventually I caught up with them, and called out my brother's name. He looked at me, terrified. It was as if all the fear he had ever felt was focused on me in that moment, as if I were the tornado."

Casavir took another pause, clenching his fist the slightest bit. "My brother had no idea I was just as godless as he was. He thought when I read from the holy book that I would become a preacher, or a Templar. He was wrong; I just never ran away," the paladin added through a stiff jaw, seeming to be talking to himself now.

"And then, before he had even looked away from me, the clouds opened up and struck him where he stood. I watched helplessly as the girl screamed from secondary shock, having held his hand the entire time. The girl died instantly, but my brother lived. I ran to his side as he collapsed and began to lift him onto my shoulders to take him back home, but he stopped me."

Casavir swallowed.

"He said, with tears in his eyes, 'Don't return me to that infernal place.'"

He paused. "I still wonder if he understood the irony of what he was saying in that moment."

There was a moment of silence.

"He died shortly afterward, with me standing over him, hopelessly lost as debris whirled around me."

Casavir looked lost in his memory. Feeling Lily's eyes on him, though, he continued, to make her understand.

"After that, I no longer even considered skipping service. I did what Tyr wished of me and never again disobeyed the elders. It started to mean something from that day forward."

Lily thought that she was apparently very influential; Casavir looked like he had never told anyone of this before. He took another drink from his glass to smooth out the lump in his throat.

She finally spoke. "So you were afraid. Afraid of being godless."

"Yes."

The elf wouldn't say it at such an emotional moment, but she would call that delusion.

Still, she felt honored. "I don't know what to say. Thank you for sharing something like that with me, Casavir."

The paladin merely nodded, swept up in emotion.

They had spoken for an hour or so, and Lily's tiredness started outwardly showing. Her eyelids had grown heavy, and soon she began drifting off to sleep, and in the silence that followed, she finally succumbed and her head fell lightly against Casavir's armored shoulder.

Casavir, startled, looked down at her, nestled against him so suddenly. So beautifully. He was glad she was not awake to see his face, both because of the color of his own, as well as how he could not stop staring at her attractive features.

He himself was quickly growing tired, however. He had been on his way to his bedroom before he spotted her. Casavir thus convinced himself that resting his eyes for a few moments as well would do no harm.

Minutes later, he was brought out of his sleepy trance by Ounce, who had jumped onto the paladin's unoccupied shoulder.

Casavir looked over to his right at the unmoving figure lying still against his shoulder. He whispered, "My lady?"

No response.

He could wake her if he spoke louder, but he decided against it. It had been a long, sleepless night, and Lily deserved some rest.

Carefully, he rose from his chair, lifting Lily slowly up into his arms. As he did so, the cat jumped down from his shoulder to the floor, following the paladin as he made his way to his Leader's quarters. Casavir nudged the door open as quietly as was possible with just his armor, sliding in the open space and carrying her to her bed. From the way he was holding her, her head by his right shoulder, he could not place her on her bed the way he figured she normally slept. He slowly lowered her onto the sheets and, once finished, moved her pillows down to where her head now was. He lifted her just a slight bit to place her onto a pillow, then walked out quietly. Making sure Ounce was inside, he shut the door lightly, and returned to his room to try and fall asleep.

Part of him regretted not taking in the sight of her head against his shoulder, her face so close to his, for longer, but another part of him assured him that he had made the noble choice. Still conflicted – but feeling an indescribable peace nonetheless – his eyes finally closed for the night.