Gillian sat on the couch with ten month old Owen in her lap. He had an activity book in his hands and she was just spending some contact time with him while he fingered the various different textured materials on the thick cardboard pages. He made little talkative noises to himself as he 'discovered'. He didn't seem bothered that his mother was right there, not paying her much notice, but if she tried to put him down he started crying. Apparently he wanted the company, if not her attention. So she gave it to him because she didn't believe in letting babies just cry it out. They cried for a reason and it was their only way of communicating and who was she not listen when her child needed her? She was adept at one handed washing and dishes now anyway. Even more so with having to carry around an apnoea monitor as well.

Lewis had just finished his reading homework and was putting the books back in his school bag. Cal would be home soon to either take Owen or start dinner. Or maybe Gillian should text him to pick something up if he didn't feel like cooking. "Hey Lew?" She called over her shoulder, searching for him, checking to see if he was close enough to hear her properly. He appeared at the end of the couch. "Can you get my phone please?" She made a grabbing sign with both hands. "It's on the breakfast bar." He disappeared again and Owen went on ignoring her.

When Lewis came back Gillian suggested he text Dad. Lewis walked around her to sit on the couch on the middle cushion, kneeling on his legs. "What do I say?" He asked her when he was settled. He used 'write'.

"Ask Dad if he wants to cook," Gillian instructed, flipping her right hand over in the palm of her left hand. She patiently watched him type out all the words, asking her if he was spelling them right. Signing had really given him an advantage with his spelling.

"Like that?" Lewis showed her the screen, using 'correct'.

Gillian nodded yes, up-righted Owen, who lost his balance for a moment, and told Lewis to also say that if Dad didn't want to, then he could bring something home.

"Can we have pizza?" Lewis asked her, making a double 'Z' movement.

"We'll see what Dad says when he replies," Gillian responded, using 'answer'.

Lewis typed out the next question, asking her which words he should use because he had forgotten. "And now I send?" Lewis asked next. He used 'go', which wasn't quite correct for the concept.

"Yes," Gillian confirmed.

Lewis scrolled through the phone and Gillian wiped some drool from around her baby's mouth with the bib she kept handy for that exact reason. His teeth were coming through and he gave her a brilliant smile to show them off. She melted and gave his cheek a little rub. "Are you enjoying your book wee man?" She asked him. He gave a little squeal and slapped his hands down against the solid cardboard over his legs.

"Mum is the number not Dad? I forgot which one," Lewis asked her, his face confused. He brushed his fingers across his forehead to the side, making a fist.

"No baby it's not under 'Dad'," Gillian felt a funny spike in her heart rate. He almost sent the message to her father, not his father. "It's under Cal," she finger-spelled it for him. That's Dad's name remember?"

"Oh Cal," Lewis responded with a nod. "I didn't remember that but I remembered Dad wasn't the right number."

"Yeah," Gillian agreed.

"Gone," Lewis showed her the smiley face gif her phone displayed once a message had been successfully sent.

"What do you think Owen?" Gillian asked him. "Pizza for dinner? What do you think Dad's going to text back and say?"

Owen gave her another smile and she smiled back.

"Will Dad be ages?" Lewis asked.

"Maybe," Gillian turned her attention to him again. "If he's busy he might not be able to text back right away."

"Mum, how come Emmy doesn't call Dad Cal too?"

"Why do you think?" Gillian queried.

Lewis gave a slight frown as he thought.

"What does Emily call Dad?"

"Dad," Lewis answered.

"So what do you think that means?"

"Dad is her Dad too," Lewis responded easily, because this was something that he knew. But he obviously found a flaw in the logic somewhere to be asking about it now. Or maybe he hadn't actually thought about what that meant in particular.

"So that's why she doesn't call him Cal."

"But Emmy doesn't call you Mum."

"No because I'm not Emily's mom. Zoe is remember? You've met Zoe before." When he was little but he did know about her and she came up in conversation.

"But Zoe's no my mother," Lewis mused.

"No," Gillian agreed. Lewis was hers. "So you and Emily have the same father, but different mothers," she summarised.

"Oh." He was silent for a moment, that little frown on his features again; his thinking face. "Then. Where are you other children?"

Gillian was surprised by the question, a little shocked actually. "What other children?"

"You had the man who was your married to before Dad?" Lewis's eyes went earnest like he was finally cottoning onto a theory.

"Alec," Gillian supplied. "Yes I was married to Alec before I was married to Dad."

"Where are your children?"

"We didn't have children."

"Oh," Lewis noted again.

"Not everyone who is married has children," Gillian told him gently. And then she wondered how much she should tell him. About Sophie? Cal would. He was a big fan of having all the information. And she was a big fan of introducing information at an earlier age because then it would always seem normal. There would be no big bombshells when their kids got older because they had always been open with them from the start. But there were some things Lewis wouldn't understand yet because of his age. And then there were things Gillian wasn't sure she wanted him to know until he was older because he wouldn't be mature enough.

"Alec and I couldn't have children together. We adopted a baby girl once. Like Lily. Do you remember? That Kiera was her Mommy but she came to live with us to be in our family?"

"Lily died," Lewis noted bluntly, as if informing his mother of this fact.

"Yes I know."

"Then did the other baby die?"

"Her name was Sophie," Gillian told him. "And no, she didn't die."

"Then where is she now? Is she a grown up?"

Yes. Probably.

"Her Mom decided that she wanted to have her back in her family so Sophie went home. When she was still a baby."

"Oh she went far away?"

"Yes," Gillian agreed. Completely unreachable. She had tried. "So I don't see her anymore."

"She didn't want you to be her Mum anymore?" Sincere little blue eyes.

"Her mom decided she wanted to be Sophie's mom, not me."

"Then how come you not have a baby like Wen after Sophie went away?"

Sometimes he really surprised her, the things he came out with, the intelligent questions or observations. Lily went away and then there was Owen. So because Sophie went away there must have been a baby next. That was how the pattern went.

"Because." Gillian paused. How was she going to explain this one in a way that he was going to understand? Cal was so much better at this. Or maybe he found it really hard and she had just never appreciated that before? He had admitted to finding talking to Lewis about sex difficult. He just hid it relatively well. "It's very difficult for me to be able to have babies."

"Is it hard?"

"For me, yes it's hard."

"How come?"

"Because... my body isn't very good."

"Aw are you sick?"

"Sort of," Gillian admitted but that wasn't really accurate. She was kind of butchering this. Owen jerked away from her and she had to reach out to grab him so he wouldn't fall. That gave her time to think on her explanation. "It's like how your ears don't work as good as other people's do. But for me it's that my eggs don't work as good as other people's do."

"The eggs in your varies?" He gripped a section of his shirt by his stomach to show exactly where her ovaries were located.

"Yes," Gillian agreed. "They don't work very well and so it's very hard for me to have babies. Not like other people."

She saw the sudden alarm on his face. They had talked about adoption and she was telling him it was really hard for her to have babies. And she had adopted with her other husband, as well as with Cal... oh yeah she could see where his mind was going with that.

"So to have you, Dad and I had to do something really special," she reached a hand to rub his cheek, like she had with Owen a moment ago. "Really special," she reiterated.

Lewis beamed. "And Wen?"

"Yes Wen was a miracle," Gillian noted. Certainly something very special.

Lewis nodded and leaned forward to pat Owen's head. The baby looked up at his big brother and gave him a smile too. So many smiles. Lewis cooed something at him and Gillian wished she had her phone, instead of Lewis, so she could take a photo of the two of them. Seriously, her heart in a puddle sometimes.

Lewis sat back on his crossed ankles. He'd managed to keep her phone in his hand the entire time they talked. He woke up the screen and checked for messages but none must have snuck through when he wasn't paying attention because he looked up at his mother again with a little disappointment. "Dad's taking ages," Lewis mused.

"Yes he is," Gillian agreed.