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Chapter 49 – Feels Like the First Time

BELLA

We stopped at a fast food restaurant with a play place. Jacob was a little young for it and was barely able to play in it. He got lost in the ball pit. Edward had kept a close eye on his thoughts, and when his joy and excitement wavered into nervousness, Edward was there instantly, popping up with a smiling, giggling Jacob.

I loved him so much. Edward was amazing and sweet and everything I could have ever wanted in a man. If he asked me, I'd marry him in a heartbeat. I knew there was a lot we needed to work through since we were home now. Edward was obviously struggling with his return to civilization, but I liked to think I'd made it a little easier.

He carried an exhausted Jake into our hotel room, where I promptly stripped him and gave him a real bath, in a real bathtub with warm water, with real toys that had been packed into our luggage. I shouldn't have been surprised that we just so happened to find everything we'd need or want, including condoms, in our bags. When I held up the box, Edward blushed. I knew I wasn't the only one inexperienced in our relationship. He just seemed to always know what he was doing, so it was hard to believe he was a virgin, too.

We had two rooms rented, and just like at the cave, Jacob and the animals slept in one, and we settled in the other. Well, not settled, more like stood nervously looking at each other, wondering what to do next.

"Shower," Edward blurted out, catching me off guard. "Let's take a shower, or you can…but maybe, if you want, we can…um maybe…"

I grabbed his hand, pulling him into my arms. We'd never really showered together before, and now that we had warm water and soap, it was very tempting. We went into the bathroom, where I watched him undress, and he did the same. He came forward when we were naked and kissed me slow and languid. I reached over and turned on the water, letting it heat up. "Come in with me," I said, stepping in after grabbing two washcloths. I handed him one and put a little soap on mine. He watched me work it into a lather, and he sighed in relief when I pressed it into his chest instead of my own. I worked him over, cleaning every inch of him thoroughly. He, in turn, did the same, followed by his lips, kissing me everywhere he'd washed. I was a hot mess by the time we stepped out of the shower, and he handed me my towel.

He didn't let me get anywhere near my underwear. He pulled me straight into the bedroom and led me to the bed, kissing me the whole way there. "You smell different," he murmured against my lips.

I smirked up at him. "I hope so."

"No, I've always liked the way you've smelled, I wanted you the way you smelled. I fell in love with that smell, but this is good, too. Just don't be surprised if I snatch you up after a hard day's work and fuck you dirty and sweaty. I want you dirty. I want you sweaty and sweet and you. I want you to smell like you," he hissed in my ear while he teased my breasts. "I've been thinking about this all day, what I'm going to do to you, what I want to do to you. You wanted to help by distracting me, and I want to thank you by showing you how much I loved that distraction."

His lips went straight to attacking me, and I couldn't get out a coherent word, just an occasional hum and whimper. He was everywhere. I was panting, begging, pleading with him to push into me, wanting to finally have that connection we'd needed for so long. Finally, I felt his hand leave me, and I whimpered for a moment, scared he'd stopped, but he pulled out a condom instead. I let out a sigh of relief and kissed him hard, making him struggle with his task. "You ready?" he asked breathing hard.

I nodded, "I love you, so much."

There was a flash of something in his eyes, pain and uncertainty. "I love you, Bella, please…" he nearly cried, and I knew he wasn't asking me to make love to him, but to really love him, all of him.

My fingers tangled up in his hair, and I pulled his lips to mine, kissing him again, and then I whispered against them, "I love you, my sweet, worrisome, short-tempered angry man. I'll do everything in my power for the rest of my life to help you, to love you. Nothing has changed, that will never change."

He let out a sound something akin to a whimper and a moan and plunged into me. He'd made sure I had been more than ready for him by working me up to this point. I knew he had just been waiting for me to really love him, to really see all that he was and still love him.

His mouth never left my body as he moved in mine. I gripped him everywhere, not wanting to ever let him go. I didn't want it to end. I felt loved, adored and worshiped. He was mine, and he told me so with every movement. The only hushed words between us were I love you's and pleading of the others' name, begging them to never stop, to never leave, and to always love.

We lay spent on the bed, my body half covering his and his arms so tight around me it might've been painful, if I hadn't loved it so much. It felt like he was hanging on to me for dear life, he didn't realize I'd never let him go.

"What did they see?" I asked, my curiosity getting the better of me.

"Who?" he asked, even though I was sure he knew damn well who I was talking about.

"Alice and Charlotte, what did they see, what becomes of us? Please tell me they saw us together." He blushed a little when I said the last part, and I grinned widely, giggling. "They did, didn't they? They literally saw us together."

He glanced at the box of condoms. It was so glaringly obvious now. Of course they'd seen; that had been why they'd packed them.

"Tell me more, tell me about our future. Do you still love me?" I was pretty sure he would, but once the words were out of my mouth, the insecurity set in.

"I do, I love you. I'm with you in all of them. In every future they cross or think about, I'm with you, wanting you and needing you. I love you. That never changes or stops at any point."

I smiled, kissing him soundly; relieved we'd always be together. It was silly, and I should've known better than to question him, but it felt good to hear it from him. I rocked against him, wanting him again, asking him with my body to take me one more time. He answered with a smooth short thrust against my heated flesh, kissing me hard. I felt him pause again and knew he was just getting the condom this time, not stopping. When he pushed into me again, I let out a sigh of relief I didn't realize I'd been holding back. "So good, I love you, so good," I panted in his ear.

His hand tangled up in my hair, bringing my lips to his. "I love you, need you," he breathed across my lips when he pulled away.

"Yours," was all I could manage before my want overtook me, and I yanked him down to my lips again. Things were lasting longer, and I found it so hard to breathe. My body was shaking, and Edward noticed the change. He pulled back minutely, and I clawed at his shoulders, not wanting to give him up, but then his hand hit that spot and caused me to buck up hard into him and my nails to dig deeper. He hissed against my neck, but didn't let up. I let out a whining noise, making him bite into my neck and then suck hard on it. My body tightened and stiffened. "Yes," he shoved deeper inside of me, harder, as he grunted out the word.

He hung over me, sweaty and spent. I leaned up and licked the sweat off his cheek.

"Goat," he grinned. I hummed in response. He leaned down and licked my neck. "It's only fair."

"Well, at least they weren't watching," I giggled as I shifted, pressing against him.

"Yes, maybe next time we'll be in a field like the rest of our goat family."

"You're…" I wanted to say silly and wonderful, "everything," I said instead and kissed him.

"You're my everything, too." I snuggled back down into his side and fell asleep in his arms.

I felt the bed shift and opened my eyes to see Edward pulling on his boxers. "Edward?" my voice was thick.

He leaned over, giving me a quick peck on the forehead, moving too fast for me to stop him from leaving. "Jake's awake," he said as he went to the connecting door. Our room was silent until he opened it.

Jake was crying, but not hysterical. Edward never let him get that upset.

"Hey, little man, did you wake up?" he spoke so sweetly to him. Jake settled down immediately. I listened to Edward talking to our boy, so gentle and loving. "Baby, do you mind if I bring him to bed with us?"

I slid out of bed, looking for my clothes. "That's fine, just let me get dressed."

I saw him peek his head around the doorframe as I pulled my shirt down over my head. He came in and kissed my lips tenderly. Jake grabbed me as soon as I was within reach. I hugged him to me, his little face buried in my shoulder as he sniffled.

"He knows something is going to happen. He's scared to lose us. There's too much change going on around him." Edward frowned, knowing Jake's fears were not unfounded. His grandfather would be taking him from us. I held Jake tightly, fighting my own tears.

We tucked our son between us, cradling him so he could sleep. I would savor these last few nights with him, because I knew he'd be taken from us all too soon.

The trip to Washington went way too fast. When we arrived, I was so upset about losing my son that I couldn't enjoy seeing my father.

"She upset about losing our son," Edward answered Charlie's unasked question.

"Her…"

"Jacob's grandfather lives in La Push close by," Edward looked away as he spoke, I knew he was just as upset. My father pulled me into his arms, squishing little Jake between us.

"He's close by, we'll work something out. I promise." My dad sounded so sure, I wanted to believe him.

He helped unload the truck and laughed as Ollie and Polly set about making themselves at home. The chickens had yet to step away from my feet. My dad was about to protest as the chickens followed me in the front door, but I saw Edward put a hand on his shoulder and whisper, "Please, give her this, just for now."

I led them through the house into the back yard. I was surprised to see a chicken coup already erected for them, and a shed-sized barn was waiting for our baby goat. The animals followed me as I inspected the area, and when I offered some of the feed from the trough to the chickens, they pecked at it experimentally and then excitedly got into the pan, scratching and scattering it around.

Our little goat followed me into the shed, where I sat on a bale of hay. Jake had his head resting on me tiredly, but put his hand out to call the goat to him. "Go, go, 'm'ere," he said calling him with his little hand. I handed him a fistful of hay and helped him feed it to the goat.

"Bella, honey," my father called to me from the back porch, he sounded worried for me. "Dinner is ready, sweetheart."

I kissed little Jake's head as I walked over to my father. "Thank you, for having places set up for the animals."

"Charlotte made sure I had all you'd need."

That surprised me. "Really?"

"Yeah, she also brought in a bunch of baby things, so I have a feeling you aren't going to be away from your boy too long."

"You think?" I asked holding back tears.

"I know, baby. I know." He kissed the top of my head and rubbed little Jake's back. "Now, let's get some food in you. I believe you made a request for Little Debbie snacks and not fish," he joked.

Edward was setting the table and took Jake from me, putting him in a highchair. "Look what I got!" Edward said with so much false excitement it was humorous. He put cubed soft fruit and diced meat on Jacob's tray with some bits of cereal. He ate a couple of pieces himself before Jake started picking them up on his own, testing out the new food. "Num!" he announced holding up a piece of well-squished peach.

"Very yummy," Edward encouraged, before he turned back to the table. My father brought the food to the table, and I literally moaned in excitement. It was beef, steak more specifically, and it smelled amazing. My dad chuckled when I mumbled, "Thanks," and, "This is delicious," through mouthfuls of food.

I noticed Ollie sitting in a similar highchair, making me snicker as he quickly picked and tasted everything on his tray. Polly had some sort of fancy stand instead of a cage. She was perched on it relaxed, picking at her feathers, and it was no secret that Sam was under the table. Edward was obviously sneaking bites of meat to him. When I looked over at my father, he didn't seem stressed by all the changes or crowding in his house. He'd always been a bit of a loner, but now with a houseful, he wore an amused smile. It felt like home, we were finally home.

A/N: Thanks for reading and please review!