Beta'd by cejsmom and preread by Twi-mom12292005

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Chapter 19

Someone nicknamed him Dogward :)

BPOV

When I drop Edward off to get his car at the Montage Resort, I feel so unfulfilled. I feel like we've left so much unsaid. I think that's the way Edward wants it, so I let it go.

I have more questions about this man now than when I knew nothing about him. He is such a mystery.

I turn the corner onto my street to see Jacob and Buddy out in front of his house. Not the easy, slip into the house without being noticed, homecoming I was hoping for.

I park in my driveway, gather my thoughts and slowly make my way down to Jacob's house. I feel like I'm doing the "walk of shame", coming home in the dress I wore yesterday. Jake didn't see me before I left for the party, so hopefully he won't notice or at least not say anything.

"Hey," I say, as Buddy runs up to greet me. "Was Buddy freaked out this morning when you got there to let him out?"

"No, he seemed fine. He didn't make a mess in your bathroom either." Jacob offers in a cold tone, not looking up when he speaks.

"Well, thanks. I really appreciate you helping me out last minute."

"No problem, Bella. Is everything ok?"

"Things are fine now. It was just a really long night. I'm going to go rest. Thanks again, Jacob." I pick up Buddy and start to walk away, hoping the excuse of fatigue will satisfy for the lack of details I offered about my night.

"Bella, is it a guy?" He blurts out, apparently not satisfied with my answer.

I turn back to Jacob, not hiding my annoyance. "He's just a friend that needed some help Jacob, nothing more. You shouldn't be worried about my love life anyway."

"Oh." He says, obviously hurt.

"Listen, Jake. You know I care about you. I'm just not looking for a romantic relationship with anyone. I thought you knew that? I appreciate your help, but please don't make me feel like I have to explain myself just for helping a friend."

"Sorry, Bella. I just thought..."

"Thanks for caring, but I need to go; I'm the walking dead here." I interrupt him. I don't want to do this now, or ever for that matter. He lets me walk away this time. I need to find a new dog sitter.

I get Buddy settled, take a quick shower and flop on the bed, exhausted. I fall asleep immediately.

It's foggy or dark or both. I can't tell. I'm walking towards something, but I don't know why. I can't see anything, but I know I have a destination. The ground is uneven, damp. I stumble; I'm even clumsy in my dreams.

I can barely hear something in the distance. It's him. Something is wrong, very wrong. I speed up my pace and move with more purpose, heading towards the sound. I hear him yelling, "No," over and over again. He's saying other things, but his words are muffled.

I come to a door, just a door. I'm scared, but I have to open it. I have to get to him. The door is heavy and it takes all of my strength to make it budge. I slip inside the door and I can see him, thrashing about in a bed. I run to his side. I must wake him; help him escape his torturous nightmare.

I grab his shoulder and shake him gently, nothing. I poke him, nothing. I rub his back, nothing. He's still thrashing and yelling.

Maybe I can't help him this time? Maybe I'm too late? Maybe he can't come back from this dark place he's gone to?

I have to try one more time. I lean down and kiss his cheek, while whispering in his ear, "Come back to me. Edward; come back please. I'm here, I'm here for you, just tell me what I can do."

He jumps up in the bed, I move just in time to avoid our heads from colliding. He stares through me, penetrating into my soul. There is such pain, sorrow, horror, and defeat in his eyes. It's heartbreaking. I stare back, not with pity, but compassion. He opens his mouth to say something and...

I wake up, my heart is pounding, I'm sweating and I feel sick to my stomach. I roll over to see Buddy resting comfortably on the bed next to me. At least one of us can get some peace.

That was a horrible dream. I dream of Edward a lot, but it's usually pleasant and sexually charged. This was anything but, it was just disturbing.

That look in his eyes is the same distant look I saw in every photo of him as a child. I can't help but feel sad.

I'm so tempted to call Alice and ask what is up with her brother. She warned me about him. She referred to him as, "complicated." And I thought I was complicated.

I put on some upbeat music and straighten around the house. I still feel exhausted, drained. I make some food and sit down on the back porch to do some reading. Hoping it will help me feel better.

I must have dozed off because I'm cold and it's nearly dark outside. I head into the house and throw on a hoody and some fuzzy socks. My brain feels about as fuzzy as my socks right now. Naps do that to me sometimes, most of the time.

~MMB~

Midweek Alice calls me, thank god. I've been dying to call her, but was hoping she'd call me instead.

"Hi, Alice, how are you?" Hiding my excitement at possibly getting some scoop on Edward.

"Good, Bella, how are you? Did you have fun at the Gala? I heard your night was eventful." I can't tell if she's teasing me or not.

"The Gala was great, thanks again for inviting me. It was an eventful night. Are things okay at the rescue?" I had to ask, but I try to keep it neutral. I ask about the rescue, not Edward.

"I guess they are. I think Edward's been avoiding me all week. He talked to Jasper about it; Jasper is his lawyer you know, for his lawsuit. Jasper made him hire security to keep an eye on the place, especially when Edward isn't around."

"What lawsuit?" I question.

She pauses, before answering. "Opps, he didn't tell you about that. You can't say anything to anyone. I just broke confidentiality between Jasper and him, crap. Me and my big mouth." she says obviously flustered.

"Don't worry Alice, I won't say anything. Is everything okay, you know with Edward?" Yes, I go there, so much for keeping it neutral.

"We hope it will be. He's got some rotten neighbors over there; they want him and the rescue gone. It seems they'll do anything to make that happen."

"Did these neighbors have something to do with what happened at the rescue the other night?"

"Edward and Jasper both think it does, thus the heightened security. You really can't say anything Bella. They would both kill me. Edward is an extremely private person. He would be really upset with me. I just thought since you went back to his place that he probably told you. I really should stop talking now, before I say even more stuff I'm not supposed to say."

"Really, Alice, it's okay. Who would I tell anyway? I just hope everything works out. Let me know if there's anything I can do."

"That's sweet, thanks. And thanks for helping Edward the other night. I know it means a lot to him. Those animals are everything to him."

"I'm glad I could help. He does have a special bond with those animals doesn't he?"

"He lives for them. He really does." I can hear the sadness in her voice.

"Hey, do you want to come to dinner at my parents on Sunday. We have a Cullen Sunday Dinner every week. I'd love you to come. Rose, Emmett and Jasper will be there too, and Edward of course."

The thought of seeing Edward again makes my stomach start doing flips. "Sure, what time? Can I bring anything?"

"We eat around six, but get there any time after four. We'll hang out in the sun and use the spa before dinner, so just bring your bikini."

Bikini, ugh, not my favorite thing to wear, but I want to be a good sport. "Okay, sounds great. See you in a few days."

We hang up and all I can think about are those abs; haven't seen them for a while. I miss them. And knowing the man behind the abs makes them even more appealing.

The rest of the week drags. I can't shake this feeling that I'm being watched. That feeling when the hairs on your neck stand up for no apparent reason. I find myself looking over my shoulder, locking doors and windows and not wanting to leave the house, especially at night.

I'm not a paranoid person. I think about telling my neighbors, Jake and Angela, but it's probably just my wild imagination.

On Sunday morning I wax, trim, and shave. I try on every bikini I have before settling on the white one. I think it looks the best. It accentuates my assets, so to speak.

I take Buddy out front for one last time before leaving for the Cullen's. I notice a car parked across the street. I know it doesn't belong to any of the neighbors, and then it dawns on me that I've seen that exact car a few times this week. Cue the raised hairs on my neck. I can see someone sitting in the driver's seat, but it's just a vague outline. The windows are tinted very dark. It's impossible to tell if the driver is a man or a woman.

I grab Buddy and go back inside quickly, locking the door behind me. I debate whether to leave the house at all, but decide to ask Alice to pick me up on her way to her parent's. If Alice gives me a ride I won't have to come home alone later tonight. Alice and her estrogen fed super energy can protect me.

I'm happy to see Alice and I'm grateful for her company. Maybe I've just spent too much time alone this week. We arrive at her parent's beach house just after four.

"Hi Bella, how are you dear? I'm so glad you could come." Esme says graciously, as we enter the spacious kitchen.

"I'm fine, Esme. Thanks for having me for dinner, it smells great. Do you need any help?" I offer.

"No, this is any easy dinner to prepare. And I have Carlisle's help. He's around here somewhere, but thank you for offering." she says.

Esme turns to Alice. "Alice, are you still planning the annual Cullen kids sleepover weekend next week?"

It's a mouthful, so I turn to Alice hoping for some clarification. "Yep, that's the plan." Is all she says; I can tell she's trying not to smile.

Esme must notice the confused look on my face and says, "Carlisle attends a medical conference in England every July. When Alice was a baby she and I would go with him. That is until the year we brought Edward home. When the kids moved out on their own Carlisle and I resumed our annual trip to the conference together. The kids like to throw a party here when we're gone. They tell us it's to keep an eye on the place." she chuckles.

I hear a sharp intake of breath while Esme is talking. I look towards the sound. Alice is staring at her mom with a shocked look on her face. "Mom," she says in a scolding tone.

Esme nervously looks from Alice to me and back to Alice and shrugs. Alice just shakes her head.

All I can think is that Esme said something she wasn't supposed to say. And frankly I'm shocked at the information. She just let slip that they "brought Edward home" from England. If Alice was a baby then he had to have been 4 or 5 years old. I had no idea Edward was adopted. Is Alice adopted too?

Alice leads me into the guest bedroom where I can leave my things while we're in the spa.

"Sorry about my mom, Bella, she sometimes talks before she thinks."

"It's alright Alice." Here's my chance to ask. "Wow, Edward is adopted, are you adopted too? You don't have to answer if it's too personal." I stammer.

She takes a deep breath before speaking. "No, I'm not adopted. Mom and Dad had trouble having children. When I finally came along they were perfectly happy to have just one child. But when they saw Edward, they knew he was their son. They fought hard to bring him here from England. It was very...involved."

"How many years apart are you and Edward?" I ask.

"He is three years older than me. I don't remember a time when Edward wasn't my brother. Bella, you need to understand that we don't talk about any of this. Edward does not like to talk about being adopted or anything about England. That's kind of why we throw this sleepover party every year, to keep Edward occupied, you know to distract him." She touches my arm when she says this, emphasizing the importance.

"I understand, Alice." I nod. This is a lot of information to absorb. My head is spinning. It does solve the mystery of why there are no baby pictures of Edward.

Alice wasn't joking when she referred to her brother as "complicated." I've got some other words to describe him too; gorgeous, humble, compassionate, caring, intense, mysterious, broken and complicated, definitely complicated.

While I'm changing into my bikini I make a decision. I'm not relationship material, and neither is he. But I want to be a friend to Edward. He is an amazing man with a huge heart, but he only lets a few people in. I want to be one of those people.

Rose, Emmett and Jasper arrive soon after Alice and I have gotten in the spa. Jasper gets everyone drinks before he joins us. The conversation is light, no one says anything about me staying at Edward's on the fourth. No one mentions Edward at all.

I keep looking towards the door. Any minute I expect Edward, in all of his hard abs glory, to walk out onto the patio and join us in the spa.

I'm disappointed when Carlisle gives us the ten minute warning for dinner.

It's nearly six and there's no sign of Edward. Now I'm not sure if he is even coming. I waxed for nothing. I need to stop thinking about him that way. You waxed for yourself, I tell myself.

I dry off and walk into the guest bedroom to change. The door to the attached bathroom is closed. I know someone is in there because I can hear someone talking, a man. I stand close to the door and try to listen to what he is saying. I can't make it out completely. Something about Grandma and a swimsuit, I think, but I can't make sense of it.

When the door abruptly opens I have no time to move out of the way. He runs right into me. I bounce off of his hard chest, and start to fall backwards.

His strong hands grab me by the waist and pull me flush against his body. Everywhere our bodies are touching and it feels like it's on fire, and that happens to be my entire bikini clad front side. A burning sensation radiates from the center of my body. Having him this close, breathing him in, makes my head spin.

I want to melt against him and give into the amazing sensations of our bodies molded together. But that's not the person I want to be for Edward. I want to be his friend; to be reliable, consistent, there for him, not some adolescent girl who can't control herself.

I calm my breathing, steady my voice and say nonchalantly, "Oh! Hi, Edward, sorry I didn't mean to bump into you. I'm just changing for dinner."

He just stands there, staring at me, not moving. He's still holding me tightly to his hard body. Maybe I hurt him? "You okay? I didn't hurt you, did I?"

He quickly releases me, apologizes and practically runs from the room.

Well, that went well. I think I just frightened the poor man.

Wow, his body is hard.

A/N

More of Edward's past. Many of you guessed he was adopted.

They think Victoria is involved with the break in at the rescue. What do you think?

And how about good old Jacob?

A teaser for chapter 20 should be up on fictionators today.

Thanks so much for reading and sharing your thoughts with me :)