Chapter 6 – Secret's Revealed
Ana's POV
I am startled awake from dreaming of gray eyes. I usually awaken after a nightmare but this was no nightmare. I look over at the clock and see its 3am Why am I still dreaming of this man? It has been a week since the interview and he still haunts my dreams. They are better than the nightmares but I don't understand why I am even thinking about this man.
I acted so stupid in the interview and Kate's questions didn't help any. Are you gay Mr. Grey? If I wasn't asking stupid questions I was blushing. He was like Adonis and I was mesmerized. I'm never even going to see the man again.
I get out of bed and go over to my keyboard; I usually end up playing when I can't sleep. I know if I fall back to sleep I am going to dream of those eyes. It has happened every night for the past week. I find myself playing a melody that I know well. I remember playing this before I tried to commit suicide. I felt like my life was over and I had nothing to live for. I realize that my life has changed so much and it gives me comfort now. Soon after I start I hear my voice singing the lyrics.
I open my eyes
I try to see but I'm blinded by the white light
I can't remember how
I can't remember why
I'm lyin' here tonight
And I can't stand the pain
And I can't make it go away
No I can't stand the pain
How could this happen to me?
I've made my mistakes
got nowhere to run
the night goes on
as I'm fadin' away
I'm sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me?
Everybody's screamin'
I try to make a sound but no one hears me
I'm slippin' off the edge
I'm hangin' by a thread
I wanna start this over again
So I try to hold onto a time when nothing mattered
And I can't explain what happened
And I can't erase the things that I've done
No I can't
How could this happen to me?
I've made my mistakes
got nowhere to run
the night goes on
As I'm fadin' away
I'm sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me?
I've made my mistakes
got nowhere to run
the night goes on
as I'm fading away
I'm sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me?
One my fingers hear the last few keys I am suddenly aware of Kate standing in my doorway. "Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you." I say turning on the bench "That's a depressing song" she says sincerely sitting on my bed. I don't say anything I just look at her impassively. "Want to talk about it?" she asks. I think for a moment about what to say "It was a long time ago…" I say trying to think about how to word this properly. "It's kind of a long story…" I finally say.
"I have time; I don't have to leave for school till 9. You have 6 hours to tell me your story." she sighs "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to, Ill understand." I sit cross legged on the stool looking at her and start my story.
"I was sixteen and I got in a car crash. My parents died before they made it to the hospital. I was having a hard time dealing with the loss of my parents… I started drinking. The drinking made me feel less empty so I would drink more. When the drinking no longer helped, I went to drugs. I got high almost every day and it worked for a little while. After the high was the crash, I hit rock bottom. I tried to end my life."
"Ana, I'm so sorry." She says and I sigh "Don't be, I don't want that. It was a long time ago and I'm better now." "This explains so much" she says and continues "The reason why you don't like cars or drinking." I sigh "After the crash being in a car has been difficult. It just brings back old memories and I don't feel safe. If I'm driving it makes it a little better but, I still can't wear a seatbelt."
She hugs me and tells me if I ever need to talk that she is here for me. I smile and thank her, I am happy to have someone other than Alex. She has become like a sister to me and I am thankful to have her. I never thought I would have anyone like Kate in my life.
After telling my story to Kate she head back into her room around 4 to go back to sleep. I am still not tired and I don't feel like going back to bed. I grab my laptop and go to my bed to look over my emails. I find a couple from school and some junk mail. I look at one that Alex must have recently sent.
To: Anastasia Steele
From: Alex Steele
Subject: Sorry
Annie, I know I haven't answered any of your calls recently. I wanted to tell you I'm sorry for not responding. I have been really focused on this book. I have talked to the guys and we all want you to come visit soon. We miss you and haven't seen you since you left. They also wanted to thank you for paying rent. You must be doing well there and I couldn't be happier for you. Think about a visit soon? You could use a break for working too hard.
Sincerely,
Your Stupid Sorry Big Brother
I smile at his email; I haven't talked to him all week. I tried sending dozens of emails and he never responded. I type him back an email knowing he probably won't respond considering the time.
To: Alex Steele
From: Anastasia Steele
Subject: Apology Accepted
You know I couldn't stay mad at you. This one better be a hit for all this work going into it. Tell the guys that I will try to visit soon; It might have to wait till summer. I love Seattle and I wish you could see it. I am so happy and it feels like home. I obviously haven't been working as hard as you though. Try to answer me once in a while, I miss you.
Love,
You're Finally Grown Up Sister
I shut down my laptop and lay on my bed getting lost in my thoughts. I start to think about how much my life has changed. I haven't been this happy since the accident and I don't want it to end. I think my parents would be proud if they saw me now.