A/N: Okay, the dialogues in the group scenes seem to get a little out of hand. Next one won't be so long.
aliena2012: We're definitely going to get a scene in Texas. Next chapter ;) Everybody: we'll get a little more of jealous Emily along the way. I happen to really enjoy jealous Emily ;). But I don't want to give too much away... Thanks, everybody, as always!
But this is pure bullshit, Hanna."
Spencer took Emily's phone from Hanna's hands and gave it back to Emily. The four friends had decided to meet in the park to take advantage of the sunny, dense summery days before Emily and Spencer flew to Texas, and were discussing A's latest attempt to stir a sense of doubt and fear in them, particularly in Emily; although Emily seemed to be, right now, unaffected by the texts she was getting.
"I know that, Spencer. I'm the queen of this-is-bullshit, okay?", Hanna replied. "That's what I always tell Em, but we need to start doing something about it. I'm getting weird texts too."
Hanna had gotten another bullshitting text from A asking her if she really knew who her true friends were. Apparently, A was in psycho-bubble mode. Maybe he/she/it had learned it from Dr. Sullivan. Maybe it was Dr. Sullivan after all. Who knew?
"But it doesn't say anything", Emily argued, looking at Hanna. "And neither does yours."
She agreed with Hanna in that they couldn't really forget about A, but she didn't really see the way these texts could mean any real threat to them. Hers only said A was counting her mistakes. And Hanna's only said they were not her true friends, which was such a gross, obvious attempt at trying to separate them that it almost made them laugh.
"You can't tell me you're starting to believe what A says", Spencer accused, though, getting into full-on hostile mode. "Especially not this. It's completely ridiculous."
Hanna rolled her eyes. When Spencer didn't want to understand something, she became an oyster shell, uncrackable and unreachable. Or maybe more of a jellyfish. If you touched her she poisoned you with her tentacles. Yuck. Hanna felt sorry for Emily sometimes.
"Guys, A's only trying to plant a seed in Em's and Hanna's head", Aria tried to explain. "You can't let it grow there. Like in that movie, Inception. You know."
The three of them looked at Aria in disbelief. Only Spencer had seen Inception and she could barely remember much of it, although she could swear they were not planting seeds in anyone's head, only weird ideas and parallel universes. Maybe it wasn't such a bad metaphor after all.
"I hope it's a marijuana seed", Hanna sarcastically replied, "because we could use it now." Then she looked back at Spencer, continuing their discussion. "If I were starting to believe what A says, do you think I'd be here talking to you about it?" She leaned across the picnic table around which they were sitting. "No, I'd be hanging out with Mona or with Lucas or flying to California to grab Caleb's ass, or with those girls over there." She pointed to a group of girls who were sitting on the grass, enjoying the sun. They were dressed in black, even though it was summer, and that seemed a good enough reason to doubt Hannah would ever hang out with them. "All I'm saying is that we need your brain back. Now, I don't really mean to go and mess up your big love romantic sexy porny story out there, but can you at least try to think what A's next move is gonna be?"
Spencer leaned back on the bench, feeling both flattered and annoyed at Hanna's recognition that her brain was really the best brain ever to think of A's moves and motives. Sadly, she knew she'd really not been paying a lot of attention to A in the last moth. She had other things on her mind. And A was kind of not there lately.
"I can't do any detective work right now." This time Spencer's tone was less belligerent. "I'm flying to Texas next week and I really need to focus on that".
Hanna sighed, feeling helpless to make her point across. She did understand why it was easy to forget about A now. But they needed Spencer to figure out what was going to happen, because something was surely going to happen next. And she was never good to come up with plans that didn't involve slapping Jenna. As for Aria, she had enough problems of her own now that she'd come out to her parents about her illegal relationship with Mr. Fitz. And it wasn't like she could ever actually think of anything else but Mr. Fitz anyway. In Emily's case, she had the same problem Spencer had. They were only thinking about new ways to undress each other. And she totally got that, but they needed to realize that, if they were a power couple now, they needed to exercise that power against A instead of only in bed. Or wherever they were exercising it. She didn't really know what they were doing or how far they'd gone.
And here she thought she'd never be missing Spencer's bossy ways.
"Hanna's right, Spencer", Aria intervened again, conciliatory. "A's not sending these texts just to mess up our heads. We can't forget A's the one who killed Alison."
"And the one who killed Ian. Twice", Hanna added. "And Dr. Sullivan. And you still have to go to court when you come back from Texas."
A shiver of fear made Emily tremble at the thought. It was the second court hearing Spencer had to face.
"We don't know if Dr. Sullivan's dead", Spencer replied, although she did feel a shock of fear too, when she remembered Ian's double death some months ago. "Anyway my mom got me out the first time and she'll get me out the second time. They don't have anything on me."
It really seemed like the police investigation against her was losing force as time passed. Probably because, once again, she had not done a thing against Dr. Sullivan, except try to clue her in their tragedy.
"Whatever. If you don't get it, you don't get it", Hanna grumpily said. "Just keep thinking about butterflies and bees and the real color of the clouds until you're put in jail."
Spencer rolled her eyes. "What's that supposed to mean?"
"It's supposed to mean what you're hearing", Hanna shot back. They stared at each other for a long moment, in defiance, until Hanna decided to take a step back. "It means you should stop thinking about Em's boobs for at least a second and try to come up with a plan for us."
"Why am I the one who has to come up with a plan?" She decided to ignore the comment about Emily's boobs. "Can't you guys think without me?"
"No, not really", Aria said, resigned. They did need a plan. "Maybe we could… I don't know, talk to Toby? He could do some snooping for us with Jenna."
"No way", Spencer cut in. "Toby's out of this. He totally hates my guts and I doubt he'll ever trust any of you." She stole a quick glance at Emily, who looked back at her in reassurance.
"What about Emily?", Aria suggested. "Everyone loves her, and Toby used to…"
"Yeah, I'm sure he won't mind that I'm dating his girlfriend now, Aria." Emily said with slight sarcasm. She tried to think harder about what to do. "Why don't we go back to point zero again?"
"Point zero", Hanna repeated, blankly. "Meaning what exactly? We can't blind Jenna again."
"We can go back to Jason. That's Ali's house. And he had all these creepy stuff about Aria, and…"
They all looked at her as if the idea really made at least some sense.
"Okay, I see that", Hanna agreed. "When are we going?"
"We'll go when I'm back from Texas. I'll take Aria with me.", Spencer thought aloud. It wasn't such a bad idea after all. She had a feeling Jason DiLaurentiis' house was the key to it all.
"Me?"
"Aria?" Emily's question came out simultaneously with Aria's. "You're not taking me?"
Spencer looked back somewhat sheepishly at Emily. "You're staying in Texas for one more week. That's the only reason."
"You're not going there on your own without me", Emily warned, and this time she was the one who leant across the wooden picnic table to face Spencer.
"Hey, she won't be on her own", Aria protested. "I'll be with her."
"And I'll be there too", Emily sternly insisted. "No offense, Aria, but it's just not the same. You don't even know if your parents will let you out."
Aria was currently on lockdown since Mr. Fitz and she had come out to her parents. She'd been allowed out today because Spencer had made the most sincere promise that they'd be at the park alone and that she'd personally return Aria to her house by 5.
"Em!", Aria protested again, this time taking it as a real offense. "That's not fair. I'm pretty sure I can…"
"She kind of has a point, Aria", Hanna asserted. Then she turned to look at Spencer again. "Why don't you take me?"
"Because you can't even walk out of your house without your heels?", Spencer said, matter-of-factly. Hanna was always her last asset when it came to their sleuthing activities, after Emily and Aria.
"She's not taking any of you", Emily abruptly interrupted. "She's taking me. When I'm back. That's the end of the story."
They all stayed in silence for a moment, but it was Hanna who decided to speak again.
"Okay, do you think you can discuss your marital problems in private? Without insulting us?" Hanna turned to look at Emily this time, and even though her tone was acid, she seemed much more relaxed now. At least she'd gotten Spencer and Emily to get back in track with the A thing. "We'll just plan the visit to Jason's when Spencer's back. That's the end of the story. And I mean it, Em. Instead of de-bossing Spencer you're just becoming a freak like her."
"Hey, that's not true", Emily complained. "I just don't want her to get into trouble."
Well, maybe she was becoming a little of a control freak lately. But it was only because her current job consisted in taking care of Spencer, and Spencer tended to do reckless things when it came to A, and she wasn't going to allow her to do any sort of dangerous activity while she was far away in another state. At least, when she was here, she could kind of keep her from getting murdered or apprehended by the police or attacked by some in-law family psycho.
So, yes, she was becoming a little too controlling. But she had reasons for it.
"All right. That's what we'll do", Spencer settled, taking a sip of her iced coffee.
As cute as Emily was about her safety, they shouldn't really wait until Emily came back from Texas to work on their plan against A.
"Although I still don't know why we can't do it this week", Hanna tried again. "The sooner the better."
Spencer looked at her in desperation.
"I can't do anything this week. I'm preparing for the trip to Texas."
"You're going to Texas, Spencer, not to Afghanistan on a UN mission", Aria said, still resenting the way they had all disregarded her snooping presence.
"Right, Spencer", Hanna supported Aria this time. "It's not like Mrs. Fields's going to send you to Juvie Camp just because you got a B back in second grade."
Spencer dedicated a wide, sarcastic smile to both of them. "It may not be Afghanistan, but it's an important trip and I have to be perfect."
She gave a sideways glance to Emily, who had now an amused look on her face.
"You're perfect already", Aria replied. "If it were me or Hanna we'd be screwed. We're the problematic kids, but you're Ms. Spencer Hastings, the most perfect product of natural evolution."
"That she is", Emily said, trying to send a good vibe to Aria after the small argument they had had about A.
"I don't know what you're saying, Aria. Mrs. Fields totally loves me", Hanna joked, but her tone was half-serious. "She'd love to have me as her daughter's love interest. Right, Em?"
"She loves all of you", Emily tried to mediate. "You're all perfect and she totally accepts my gayness now".
"It's different to accept your gayness in the distance than to see it right in front of her face", Spencer calmly stated, thoughtfully looking at her coffee cup. "And that's why I have to be perfect for real. Not just in name." She smiled coyly at all of them, in truth trying to give herself encouragement.
She'd decided she wouldn't kiss or touch Emily at all during their stay in Texas. She couldn't risk making the Fields uncomfortable.
"You're perfect for real, Spence", Emily sweetly reassured. "Just don't worry about it."
"We both know that's not entirely true."
"Oh my god, is Spencer actually admitting to not being perfect?", Hannah asked, feigning astonishment. "Is she human? Is she a plane? Is she a bird? No, it's Spencer Hastings terrified of Emily's mom!"
Spencer sent a look to Hanna that said it all. "What in hell are you saying now?"
"Lucas made me watch Superman on TV", Hanna answered. "You know, Superman. The guy with the red underwear. Maybe you could wear that to Texas. But you should actually wear it under your dress, not over it. Are you wearing a lot of dresses there?"
"I could go with the red underwear, yeah", Emily smirked, looking at Spencer. Red looked good on Spencer. Anything looked good on Spencer. Except that feathered belt she bought some days ago. She was already convincing her to actually give it to Aria.
But Spencer didn't return her glance this time. She seemed to be really worried about the visit to Texas.
"I am bringing a lot of dresses, yeah. But not slutty ones. Just, you know, decent ones."
"You don't have slutty dresses, Spencer", Aria said, back to her candid, reassuring self.
"I'm just going to be as decent as I can possibly be. Which is a lot, actually, if I work on it."
"Whoa, Emily, I'm sorry for you", Hanna exclaimed, looking at Emily. "You're not going to see a lot of Spencer while you're in Texas. She's putting the chastity belt on."
"Yeah, we'll see how long she can keep it", Emily replied, still looking a little mischievous.
"I'll keep it for as long as we stay there. I know you think I don't know how to behave, but I do when I really want to."
"And what does behaving mean to you in this kind of situation?", Emily asked, curious.
"You know. No kissing. No touching. No…"
"No kissing at all?"
"Yeah. I don't wanna get caught."
Emily opened her eyes widely in surprise.
"I'm not gonna risk it", Spencer continued. "Aria's right. Your mom has a good image of me and I'm not gonna risk that. We'll kiss when we're back."
"Are you listening to yourself?"
"I actually am", Spencer responded, looking completely convinced of her words. She'd thought a lot about this. "Am I getting this wrong? Because you are the person who refuses to kiss or do anything at all in front of my parents."
Apparently, this was a touchy subject, and both Aria and Hanna felt as if they were observing a tennis ball go back and forth between Spencer and Emily.
"I'm not talking about kissing in front of them", Emily explained. Of course they were not going to kiss while her parents were in the same room. Just when they were not. "I'm talking about kissing when they're not there."
"But they're gonna be there all the time", Spencer argued her point. She'd really given it a lot of thought and she knew Emily's parents had not seen her a lot lately and were dying to spend time with her now. "And we're not gonna have a car there to, you know, get away. And we don't know the place. And there's just no way we're gonna make out with them around. No way."
Emily opened her mouth in surprise, then closed it again. It seemed her own fears of misbehaving in front of the Hastings' had backfired at her. Maybe it was karma. Maybe it was revenge. Maybe it was just bad luck, or logic, or fate, or nature. Whatever it was, she didn't like it at all.
There was no way she could be living during four days in the same house with Spencer without sharing a single kiss. No way. Not now.
She'd have to find a way to make Spencer waver.
"Hello? We're still here", Hanna called them out. "Maybe you could discuss your married couple status later?"
Hanna's comment seemed to have the desired effect, because Emily actually decided to shut up and fight that battle when they were alone.
"I always knew you'd be so super cute together", Aria dreamily said. "The Fields are totally going to adore you, Spence." Then she faced Hanna. "Han, you think they'll ever get married?"
"If we ever go to New York and not to Texas, we might", Spencer responded instead of Hanna.
"I'm already planning on the dress", Hanna joked. "I'm gonna be Em's maid of honor."
"Why do you get to be Em's? Shouldn't we, like, toss a coin or something?"
"Is there an actual reason why no one wants to be my maid of honour?", Spencer asked, sort of surprised. "I thought you were supposed to be my friends as well."
"It's natural selection, Spencer", Hanna explained.
"You don't even know what natural selection is", Spencer shot back.
"Sure I do. It means that I'm getting to be Em's maid of honor because if I were yours, I'd end up killing you and you wouldn't get the chance to get married and reproduce", Hanna explained her own theory of natural selection. It was one of the few things she remembered from her Biology class. "But Aria's a nice person who puts up with you, so she should be your maid."
"Aria loves me. She doesn't put up with me."
"I do love you. And I also put up with you. Everybody does."
"See that? It makes total sense", Hanna said happily. "I get Em, you get Spencer."
"What if they ever break up?", Aria asked, stopping to think about that for a moment. "Does this mean we also have to split like that?"
"We're never gonna break up", Spencer cut in, totally serious. "That's not gonna happen."
"If they ever break up, we'll have to choose too", Hanna continued Aria's joke. "It's like a divorce. We get to choose between mom and dad."
"I don't even wanna know who dad is", Emily suddenly said, feeling again like she was always left behind when Hanna and Spencer dominated the conversation.
Hanna turned her head towards Emily like it was the most obvious thing in the world. "Spencer's dad. I mean, come on."
Spencer frowned a little, however. "What? Nobody wants to be my maid of honor and now I'm dad? Why?"
"Do I really need to explain?", Hanna teased. Yes, she needed to explain because everybody was looking at her like the matter required some sort of explanation. "You're always bossing everybody around. Your tone of voice is grave." Spencer gave a very clear, explicit eye-roll that indicated that wasn't enough of a reason. Besides, her voice was sexy. Or so Emily said. "And you wear plaid all the time."
"Em's wearing plaid lately too", Aria gave her own contribution to the discussion.
"That's Spencer's fault."
"It's not. I bought that shirt months ago", Emily protested. She liked wearing plaid too. And she loved Spencer's plaid shirts. She looked so sexy in them.
Then again she looked sexy on anything she wore.
"It doesn't matter. She's dad. You're mom."
Emily wasn't happy at all with that result. And it was tiring to face the same joke about Spencer's plaid shirts over and over and over again. So she decided to throw a bone at Hanna. And she knew she'd bite it like a dog.
"If I were you, I wouldn't make so many assumptions", Emily enigmatically said, talking in Hanna's direction but keeping an eye on Spencer at the same time. "You might be surprised."
Aria's jaw dropped a little at the comment, and Hanna's eyes shone brightly as if she'd been given a riddle she could actually decipher easily.
"Okay, maybe that's a little bit of information we didn't really need to know", Aria said, starting to imagine things she really didn't want to have in her head.
"What are you saying? We need to know. I need to know", Hanna joked, her eyes still shining. "So you are dad".
Oh, come on, this conversation was quickly becoming more and more absurd. And it was her own fault, Emily thought, because she was the one who threw the bone.
But she wasn't going to let Hanna get away with the joke on Spencer. Now that she'd managed to close their mouths (or at least Aria's, although poor Aria hadn't really said much), she could nicely close it off and leave it to rest.
"No one's dad. And no one's mom", Emily smirked, feeling like she was finally concentrating all the attention. "We're too young to be parenting."
She caught a glimpse of Spencer's smile at her words.
"You're so obviously trying to confuse us now", Hanna insisted. The bad thing about Hanna was that, once you started a joke, or a version of another joke she'd been the one to start, she wouldn't really let you close it so easily. "This is getting really interesting. But we need some more details to actually make up our mind, you know. So just give us something to work on."
"You're not gonna get any information, Hanna", Emily answered, confidently. "And if we ever break up, we'll still keep both of you as friends. Although that's never gonna happen."
"Yeah, we'll still all be friends", Aria agreed. "At least until Em gets a new girlfriend and Spencer kills her and goes to jail for real this time."
"Oh, yeah, new girlfriend. Spencer'd totally freak out with that", Hanna commented.
Spencer lifted her eyes from her coffee to look at Hanna.
"That's not gonna happen", Spencer repeated the same words she'd said before. "She's not getting any new girlfriend. Ever."
"And what would you get, Spence?", Aria curiously asked, turning to look at Spencer, who was sitting by her side on the bench. "If it ever happened, would you get a new girlfriend or a new boyfriend?"
"Yeah, Spence", Hanna dedicated her attention to Spencer too. "What are you now? Do you consider yourself to be totally gay now? Or are you bi? Or bi-curious?"
"I think she's way past the curiosity state", Emily intervened.
Spencer sent a glance to all of them, indicating she was getting bored of this joke. Sexual identity topics bored her to death, actually. She just never understood why they were so important. You were what you did. You were defined by your actions. You were kissing a girl, then you were as gay as the next gay person. But that didn't mean anything else than that.
Still she decided to answer. "I'm gay because I'm with Emily", she said, following her own rules of logic. "But I don't consider myself anything at all. As long as I'm me it works fine."
She couldn't care less about definitions.
She only cared about herself. About feeling like she was her own person. About being happy. Which she was now, totally and completely and happily gay.
"Translation, Em", Hanna demanded.
"She's bisexual", Emily translated, gaining a resentful look from Spencer.
"So do you think she'd go back to guys or would she stick to girls if you ever broke up?", Aria asked again, this time directing the question to Emily.
"I'm pretty sure she'll go back to guys when we break up", Emily responded.
Spencer shot her a very direct, cutting-edge look now. "Why are you so sure?"
"Just because", Emily tried to explain. "You've always been with guys and you hardly look at other girls, so I just think you'd go back to guys if we weren't together anymore."
"Oh, that's interesting. Because last time I looked at you, you were still a girl. And I seem to be looking at you all the time."
Spencer's tone was a little too sharp, but Emily couldn't totally decide if she was just trying to be sarcastic or if she was a little annoyed at her for answering Aria's question.
"She's right, Emily", Aria supported Spencer, even though it'd been Aria who had started the trouble. "She doesn't look at other girls because she's looking at you. She has a point. A cute one."
"Yeah, I know." Emily was starting to feel like she'd gotten herself in a really big mess. Ever since she was happy and lightheaded there were a lot of dumb, stupid things that were coming out of her mouth. Maybe she should go back to being the silent type. "I don't know for sure. I'm just saying that's what I think it'd happen."
She felt like she was shrinking in her seat.
"I think Em just wants to be special." Hanna tried to give her a hand, but maybe a hand from Hanna was not the hand she needed right now. "Like the only girl Spencer's ever looked at, you know? Right, Em?"
"Maybe."
"So would you prefer to be the only girl she's been with?", Aria continued the interrogation and Emily wished they would just shut up already. "Like, would you still prefer to be an anomaly in her life, like a special moment for her?"
"Like the one hot girl she banged before going back to leg hair and penises?", Hanna contributed.
Thank you, Hanna, Emily thought to herself.
"I…" Get out of this mess. Get out of this mess. "I don't want her to be with any other girl. Or with anyone else at all. I know it sounds bad. I just… I do prefer to feel special, yeah."
She knew she was stuttering over her own words and she knew they could all see it. And she felt Spencer's eyes on her with a special intensity.
And it was the bad kind of intensity, not the really good one.
"You are special", Spencer stated, and her stare was now even more cutting than her voice was sharp. "You're already special no matter if I ever go back to a guy or if I go to a girl. You'll always be special. You'll always be you."
"I know that." Okay, she hadn't escaped the mess. She had gotten herself deeper into it. She felt like one of those flies that got trapped in a spider web and couldn't really get out as much as they batted their little, disgusting wings. "I know I'm special. And anyway it's never ever gonna happen."
But it was already too late. She was batting her wings helplessly.
"Then why're you so sure I'm going back to boys if we ever break up?'", Spencer asked her. "Is that why you're defensive with boys? Because you think I'm gonna go back to them?"
Oh, the Mayan boomerang was not Mayan. It was the I-get-defensive-with-boys boomerang. With a little help from her friends.
Emily lost her voice.
There was a silence in the table because Hanna and Aria had also suddenly, and finally, realized this was not a joke for Spencer anymore.
"No", Emily tried to recover her voice. "No, it's not that. I just… I'm not so sure about anything. I'm just saying if we break up I don't really want to see you with another girl. I know it sounds stupid and selfish."
"It does sound stupid", Spencer said. "Because I don't want to see you with anyone, boy, girl, or dog."
The silence got thicker and tenser as Emily tried to look for a way to make the situation less dense. But she couldn't come up with any other answer. She had been joking. She had been answering Hanna's and Aria's mocking questions.
It wasn't as if they were ever going to break up. Although people broke up all the time. But that wasn't going to happen to them. Right?
At least if she managed to stop saying stupid things.
Spencer looked down at her coffee cup and suddenly decided to stand up. "I'm gonna get another iced coffee. Does anyone want something else?"
Aria denied with her head, but Hanna opened her mouth. "Another diet coke, please?"
And with that, Spencer started walking away from the picnic table, while Emily was still trying to reach for some kind of magic verbal formula that would restore the good vibe between Spencer and her.
"She's pissed", Hanna said when Spencer was already far enough.
"I know", Emily acknowledged, looking at Spencer walk away in the distance. "What did I say?"
Hanna looked at her as if she needed to be taught a lesson. "Okay, dad, let me tell you a couple of things about girls. Or at least about Spencer. You said when and not if. You don't say that to a person who's crazily in love with you. You don't mention a break-up like it's actually possible. You act as if the world were just the most perfect place and nobody ever broke up at all and that were the farthest possible thing on your mind."
"But it is the farthest thing on my mind!", Emily defended herself. "It was you guys. You were joking about it. It's your fault!"
"Exactly, it's us. We can joke about it. You can't."
Shit. Shit, shit, shit, shit.
"I wasn't even joking. I was answering your stupid questions!"
"Han's right, Em", Aria advised, looking a little worried. "And one more thing. She doesn't want you talking about going back to guys. She's probably wondering why you're so sure that's ever gonna happen. I mean, I'm wondering about it and I'm not even your girlfriend."
"But I already said I'm not so sure. I haven't really thought about it. I don't think about breaking up!"
Hanna looked at her with one of her wise, profoundly blue-green understanding looks.
"Why are you still here?", Hanna asked. "Go say the magic words."
Emily turned her head to try to discern Spencer's figure in the distance, but she couldn't see her anymore. What were the magic words? She had already said the magic words. And she had mixed them up with some totally damaging, thoughtless comments about going back to men and about not having other girlfriends.
And she had said when. But it'd been a single mistake. She hadn't even realized!
She got up, shot Hanna and Aria a resentful look, because it was their fault, and started trotting towards the kiosk where Spencer had gone to get more drinks.
The only thing she missed about Ben was the fact that she never got into this kind of trouble with him. She didn't really need to say anything to him. She could just kiss him and he'd be fine. He was that easy.
You didn't get into stupid arguments about impossible break-ups with a boyfriend.
Of course, that was about the only thing that was good about dating Ben. Or a boyfriend. There were a million good things about dating a girl. And there were about a trimillion or a billion things that were good about dating Spencer. Starting with the fact that it was Spencer.
What was she going to say when she found her? That she was sorry? But this was so stupid! It sounded also stupid to apologize for something as stupid as this. Everything was stupid now. She was stupid.
Her phone buzzed in her pocked.
Great. That was just what she needed. She retrieved her phone and she read A's text while she steadily, firmly walked.
"Told ya! How many more do you think Little Miss Perfect will take before snapping? – A"
"Shit", she mumbled to herself while she started to almost run. She passed a family with children who were playing with a ball. A little girl threw the ball at her. Not now, little girl, not now. She was in a hurry to somehow apologize to her girlfriend for being a total jerk. Still she had to stop and pick up the ball to give it back to her. You can't say no to a child.
Was this love?
Was love all about saying silly things that sometimes made you laugh and sometimes made you apologize?
Apparently, it was.
She was happy. Love was happy. And love equalled running in a park to get your girlfriend back when she was pissed at you.
Like in the movies.
Only dumber than that. And without the corny, cheesy music.
She was thinking all these deep reflections on love and happiness and silliness when she saw Spencer's slender figure in the kiosk, her back turned to her. She was wearing a ponytail, and her neck was bare the way Emily absolutely adored whenever she saw her from behind. She seemed to be waiting to pay for the drinks, because she was leaning with her hands on the counter, her attitude that of a waiting impatience, so Emily sped up to get quickly by her side.
She got there in a couple of seconds, and leaned next to her on the counter. The moment she stopped by her side, she tried to catch her breath, because it'd been a long trot to the kiosk and she felt like first she had to sound like herself and not like a dying marathon woman. Then she prepared to talk, while Spencer realized her presence and turned a little to look at her with a slight surprise on her face. With that delightful surprised look on her face.
Emily took a deep breath.
"We will never break up", Emily said the magic words. "We will never break up. I promise."
Spencer didn't answer anything. She just kept looking at her, but Emily could tell her gaze was softening, warming up to her, so she decided to keep talking.
"And if we ever do, which we won't, we really won't", she continued, "but if it happens, we will completely abstain from going out with anyone, of whatever sex, gender or species. Boy, girl, or dog. We will never touch anyone else."
This time Emily could definitely see a spark in Spencer's eyes, even though her expression was still serious. She was laughing inside, but she didn't want to show.
Good.
"Am I forgiven?"
Spencer approached her a little, while they were still waiting for the waiter to charge them. Their fingers slightly touched on the counter.
Another good sign.
"How do you manage to be so cute even after pissing me off like that?", Spencer finally said.
"I'm sorry I pissed you off. But it was a joke. And Aria and Hanna started it."
It was only fair to displace the blame to Aria and Hanna, if only because they had gotten her into this mess.
"I know it was all a joke. But you still pissed me off."
"I don't want to break up. I don't want to ever see you with anyone. I'm stupid, and I'm happy, and when I'm happy I say stupid things."
A little smile came to Spencer's lips, and it slowly grew wider.
"You're not stupid. And stop being cute now", she ordered. "You still have some explaining to do. You said you'd rather see me with a guy and I can't help wondering why you'd actually want that to happen."
"I don't want that to happen. I don't want to see you with a guy."
"Okay, maybe not see me. But you seem pretty sure that's what's gonna happen, right?"
"No", Emily answered. "I don't know what's gonna happen. I don't care what's gonna happen as long as what's gonna happen involves the two of us. In Texas. And in Rosewood. And everywhere."
Spencer raised her brows at the mention of Texas, but she wasn't fooled. She still wanted Emily to clarify a couple of things she'd said.
"And the girl thing?"
The girl thing was complicated.
"I don't know. I want to be special."
"But you're special. There's no one more special than you."
"I know I'm special", Emily assured. "I'm the best. I'm plain awesome. I'm the greatest person you'll ever try. I'm totally sure there's no one better for you than me. I'm the perfect girlfriend."
Spencer smiled again, and her eyes sparkled once more at the way Emily was trying to turn the perfect-girlfriend argument on her. But her tone of voice was still serious and kind of severe when she talked. "Stop it and talk to me. Because it did sound like you think this is some kind of experiment I'm trying with you", she said. "Like you're even fine with it. Like you think this is the time that girl Spencer Hastings decided to try being gay with her best friend. And that's not how I feel at all."
Emily sighed.
"That's not how I feel either."
"Then how do you feel?"
"I feel in love", Emily said, and she felt Spencer's fingers on hers when she said it. "And what I just said, it's the truth. I'm happy and I open my mouth and I say things. And maybe they're not the best things, but I still open my mouth and talk. And as for the girl thing, I don't know. I'd probably hate any person who ever got to be with you that's not me. I'm just more used to thinking of you with a guy, if it's not me, but that's all."
They intertwined their fingers, and at that moment they heard the waiter cough as a way to interrupt their little intimate moment. Spencer took the 5 dollar bill and gave it to the guy, then turned again to look at Emily.
"I don't like it when you seem to be so sure about me", Spencer told her. "I mean, when it's bad. When you say I'll go back to guys, or something, I don't like it. I know you know me. And it makes me feel like maybe I'm missing something. Like you know something I don't. But you don't. You don't know, because I…"
Emily pulled her closer by the waist and kissed her. She just did. Spencer was right. Why would she like that? How could they know? It didn't matter.
So they kissed. In the park. In front of everybody. Under the hot sun of June.
They had to separate when the waiter came back to give them the change. He coughed again, and they broke it off.
Emily took Spencer by the hand and they moved a little to one of the sides of the kiosk. There she kissed her again. In front of everybody. In the park. Little boys and girls were running around, playing with a ball or a string, while their parents stared at them or pretended not to look.
This was love.
Love was saying silly things and laughing and apologizing for saying silly things and kissing in front of people who'd luckily consider it only a nice entertainment and not an offense.
"You're forgiven now", Spencer said breathily when they broke it off again.
"Good", Emily responded. "Now, Texas. You don't seriously believe we're not going to kiss there, right?"
"We can't. It's gonna be hard, but it's not impossible."
"It is impossible. We're gonna die."
Spencer laughed at Emily's unusual dramatic style. "You're the master of self-control. It's just four days. We can survive it."
"I'm not the master of anything", Emily denied. So Spencer was totally serious about this. "I'll find a way. We'll get out of the house. There must be a place where we can go."
They looked into each other's eyes. "As long as it's far enough from your parents and we don't get accused of public scandal, I'm fine with it."
Emily felt relieved. Thank god. There was still hope in the world.
"One more thing."
"What?"
"A", Emily took her phone. "New text." She showed it to Spencer, who first rolled her eyes when she read it and then got again that intense, fiery gaze she always had when she found something terribly outrageous.
"Fuck A. I'm not perfect."
And with that she put her arms around Emily's neck to pull her back to her again. And again they started another kiss.
Five minutes later, they decided to walk back to the girls, to let them know they had already made up.