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Dogward/Brokenward/Virginward/Beachward

Chapter 27

BPOV

I'm still angry, hurt, and humiliated about yesterday with Edward and Tanya on the beach. But I am softening every minute I spend with Edward. He has been overbearing, but I do believe he only has my safety as his motive. He is so thorough, throwing himself into this crusade to protect me. It feels good to think he cares that much, enough to put his whole life on hold, and spend his own money for us, for me.

An evening with the girls is just what I need to escape his intensity and get some very much needed perspective on everything. Hopefully, Alice especially, will have some Edward insight. Just when I think I have him figured out, something happens and I'm back to the beginning trying to figure him out all over again. When Alice told me Edward was complicated, she was not exaggerating.

It's a little awkward when "Bodyguard Seth" and I get to Alice's. He comes in, does a quick walk through and meets the girls. Then he excuses himself out the front door. We exchanged cell numbers on the way. I'm to text him when we are ready to leave and he will meet me at the door. He's very unassuming, which I am grateful for.

We find a relaxing place to eat near Alice's. We settle into a quiet booth in the corner. Seth is where he can see my at all times, but he is giving me space.

"Okay, Bella. What's going on?" Rose asks.

"What do you want to know, there are a lot of different things going on." I sigh.

"First, have you forgiven Edward yet for how poorly he handled the encounter with Tanya?" Alice scoffs.

"That's complicated Alice. We haven't talked about it much. All this stuff with James has kind of overshadowed my feelings about that."

"Bella, I have to tell you. I've never seen Edward interested in anyone like he is with you. Hell, I've never seen him kiss anyone. Granted it was during Truth or Dare, but the boy was into it." She laughs. We all laugh.

"Ya, that was...intense." I whisper.

"Almost as hot as you and me kissing." Rose says as she elbows my ribs.

"Oh, God, Rose. That was genius on your part, gutsy, but genius. I'm just glad I caught on in time to give the boys a show." We laugh even louder, attracting the attention from others in the restaurant, which causes us to laugh even louder.

"Seriously, Bella. You mean a lot to Edward. I know he's my brother and I love him, blah, blah, blah, but he's a good guy who has been through hell. It's been amazing watching him open up to you like I've never seen him do before. I just hope he doesn't close up into himself again. He's made so much progress." Alice says sadly.

"I don't know what to tell you Alice. I don't know the hell he's been through. He hasn't shared that with me. I only know the man I see now. Except for our first encounter at the dog beach and then yesterday with Tanya, he has been nothing but kind, and considerate. He's made me feel special and pretty, even desirable. That hasn't happened to me before, ever. I don't want to lose that either, but I have to think of myself, you know, self-preservation. I can't put myself out there just to get hurt, because yesterday hurt, a lot."

Rose excuses herself to go to the bathroom. Alice leans in and lowers her voice. "I wish I could tell you about Edward's past, but I can't. It's not my story to tell. But he really needs to tell someone. He has so much pent up inside him. It's surprising that he's been able to function as normally as he has for this long. He has an amazing soul, kind, good. He just shuts himself off from people and they don't get to see the true him. He has let you see him, Bella. I am grateful to you for helping him with that."

I shake my head. "I haven't done anything, Alice. I care about Edward. I've been a friend to him and I haven't pushed him to open up to me. I'm afraid that may change though."

"What are you going to do?" Rose asks as she slides back into the booth.

"I don't know, but I can't go on like this. If I'm going to put myself out there with him, I need to know what I'm dealing with. I need to know everything. I need to know the real him, good and bad." I say almost thinking out loud.

"Well, I'm here for you, Bella, whatever happens. I will always be your friend, with or without Edward." Alice confirms.

"Me too, Bella, my partner in crime." Adds Rose. We laugh some more.

When I get back to the rescue, Seth walks me inside the apartment, and makes sure I lock the door.

The apartment is brightly lit, but quiet. I glance around and see a note for me on the coffee table.

Bella,

I hope you had fun with the girls. You take my bed, I insist. I know you don't want to be here and I want you to be as comfortable as possible. Thanks for staying.

Edward

I walk around turning the lights off. I find Edward and the dogs asleep in his office or whatever he uses that room for. Edward is curled up on a sofa that is shorter than he is tall. He looks uncomfortable, but he's sleeping. I turn off the rest of the lights as I make my way towards Edward's room.

I put on my pajamas and climb into Edward's bed. It's comfortable and big; king size. The sheets smell clean. I'm a little disappointed. I wish they smelled like Edward. I fall asleep quickly, it has been an exhausting few days.

The next thing I remember is Buddy jumping on me and whimpering. Booboo is there too. They are both looking at my expectantly.

"What's up guys?" I ask rubbing my eyes trying to get them to adjust to the darkness.

The apartment is quiet. I suddenly feel anxious. What if James got past Seth and Paul? I look around the room for some kind of weapon. I can't find anything.

I quietly leave the comfort of the bed and tiptoe towards the open bedroom door. I will go get Edward. I don't know what else to do.

I'm startled when Edward appears in front of me in the doorway. He looks half asleep, except for the panic in his eyes. Before I can speak he grabs me and pulls me to his warm chest, hugging me almost too tightly.

Angry or not with this man; he's in pain. I try to soothe him with my words. Telling him it will be okay; that I'm here for him. He is worried about me, about losing me. He's emotional. I can feel the wetness from his tears as he cries while we embrace. I want to take his pain away. I wrack my brain for solutions, ideas, something to say or do to help him. But all I can do is reassure him, let him know I'm here for him.

When I feel his body begin to relax slightly, I move out of his hug and pull him behind me to the bed. There are no words between us, there is nothing to say.

We snuggle into a comfortable position and Edward hugs me. He hugs me like I'm the only life vest in the ocean. I let him, because I know it's what he needs right now.

I lay awake for a while, thinking about him, this, everything. I'm in way over my head. I need professional help. He needs professional help. Hell, we need help. I come up with a rough plan. Finally, sleep finds me in my hot Edward cocoon.

~MMB~

I wake up to the early morning light filtering in the unfamiliar window. I'm stifling hot, his body is practically covering mine, but I don't mind. My thoughts go back to last night, and how sad, broken and vulnerable Edward was, is. I go over my plan again. I know what I must do; for us, for him, but most importantly for myself. I can't get in any deeper with him until I know what I'm dealing with.

I carefully extricate myself from his clinging body. I take a second to study the sleeping Edward. He looks so peaceful and innocent when he sleeps, unfazed by... life.

I freshen up and head to the kitchen. This is going to be a tough day; maybe I can soften it with some old fashion comfort food for breakfast.

I start the bacon, cut some fruit and prepare a special egg scramble. I don't even have to look to know Edward is in the room, I feel him before I even see him. His presence makes my body hum. I smile to myself, turning in his direction.

He looks amazing for having such a tough few days, rumpled, wild hair, a slight scruff on his face, loose pajama pants and a tshirt. His eyes are what draw me in. They always have. They are so deep, expressive. There are so many layers to this man, both good and bad. I hope and pray that the steps I'm about to take don't cause him to shut me out. It's a risk I have to take.

"You okay this morning?" I carefully ask, trying to feel out his mood and openness.

He shrugs off a serious answer and changes the subject quickly. His usual M.O... avoidance.

We talk about my night with the girls. How things went with Seth. Light conversation. It's pleasant. I wish things could remain like this. It's easy.

We get ready to go to the courthouse in comfortable companionship. There is no weirdness. The sexual tension between us, that was so palpable before, is suppressed, repressed. I miss it.

We are granted the restraining order and anxiously await the serving of the papers to James. I know it all hinges on his reaction to all of this. He has no idea we are on to him. Things are not over by any means, but we feel good about the progression of things so far.

We're driving back from the courthouse. Seth is following in a car behind us. If it were only Edward, Seth would probably be in the same car. I appreciate Edward's efforts in trying to make our lives as normal as possible.

"Can I take you to lunch?" Edward asks, pulling me from my endless thoughts.

"Yeah, I guess. Don't you have stuff to do?" I question. This man has basically stopped living his own life because of me.

"Bella, the only stuff I have to do right now is keeping you safe. Nothing else matters."

"About that... Edward." I pause, gathering the courage to continue. "A lot has happened between us, very quickly. I want us to be friends, but I'm having some trust issues. The thing with Tanya hit me hard. I want to trust you. I know you are a good person, but even good people screw up."

"What can I do to gain your trust again?" He pleads.

"You need to trust me." I say.

"I do trust you, Bella. That has never been an issue."

I'm thankful we're parked in the restaurant parking lot when I say this. "No, Edward. I mean, really trust me. I need you to open up to me. I know something horrible happened to you when you were a child." There, I said it. I hold my breath waiting for him to flip out.

He gasps. "How do you know, who told you?" He looks panicked. I start to panic. He thinks his family told me about him.

I hurry to respond before he gets more upset. "No one told me, Edward. I put it together. I looked through some of your family photo albums and there are no photos of you as a baby, just a boy; a very sad, lost boy. You have taken yourself off of the market in regards to women. You feel guilty, a lot. You easily take the blame for things. You keep people at arms distance. But mainly, you have nightmares, horrible nightmares. It's like you are reliving a traumatic experience, over and over. I can't sit by and watch you punish yourself anymore. You want my trust? Then trust me back. Let me help you."

After a long silence he whispers. "I need to talk to my therapist. Can you give me a few days?" I can almost visibly see walls go up around him, walls keeping me out.

"Of course, Edward. I don't want to push you, but you've been holding this in for years and years. I'll let you adjust to the idea of opening up, but I'm holding you to this. You want a relationship with me, a friendship. It's this or nothing." I put my hand on his arm to make sure he knows that I want this, this connection with him.

"Can I ask you a kind of unrelated question?" He asks.

"Are you trying to change the subject again?" I tease, trying to lighten the mood. "Of course, ask away."

"Why did the thing with Tanya bother you? I know she was overtly touchy and sexual with me and a total bitch to you. But why did it affect you so much? I wasn't reciprocating her advances. It was totally one sided. And I set her straight about where she and I stand. I was more direct with her than ever before."

Crap, how do I explain this? "This is difficult for me to talk about. Um, I understand if you mentally aren't into her, but obviously you are physically."

"Physically? I think Tanya is fake. I'm not attracted to her at all. I never have been. I've just been polite because of our parents. I'm done being polite after how she treated you."

"You're a guy; guys don't always have complete control of... things." I gesture towards his crotch.

He laughs, not the reaction I wanted. He's laughing at me. "The only time I don't have complete control of myself is around you. It didn't move when I saw her, not even when she was rubbing up against me. In fact, I think it shriveled up and hid."

"But you went in the water, for a really long time. Wasn't it to cool things down?" I continue.

"Oh Bella. Have you thought this whole time? That I needed to go in the cold water to calm myself down? Oh, shit, no wonder you've been so pissed. I went in the water to escape her. I kept trying to walk away from her on the beach and she kept talking and following me. I thought the only chance I had for her to leave me alone was to swim out in the water. I know she's got those built in life preservers, but she wouldn't get wet. She wouldn't want to mess up her hair or makeup. And I was out there for so long because I was swimming against the current and she kept walking along the beach as I swam. Every time I looked up she was still there. I thought she'd never go away. Finally, a few houses from Mom and Dad's she gave up and walked back to her parent's house. Honestly, Bella. I'm not the least bit attracted to her. I hope you believe me."

As I'm listening to him, my eyes betray me by filling with tears. I don't want to cry. I want to be strong. He's talking a good talk, but I have to look in his eyes, I know the truth is there. Our eyes meet and I see nothing but truth, sincerity and something else I can't quite read. I feel like I've stared into these eyes my whole life. The depth of them pulls me in.

I shake my head, breaking our stare, and clear my throat. "I do, I do believe you. It's just, you've made me feel so good, so sexy, knowing you're body reacted so strongly to me. When I thought she did that for you too. I felt naive, stupid and utterly unattractive."

He takes my hands, his eyes burning into mine. "There is nothing unattractive or stupid about you, nothing. It kills me that what I did made you feel that way. Add that to the danger I've put you in, ugh. You have no idea how responsible I feel for you. How protective. I know this whole thing sucks, all of it. But please, please let me protect you from James. Let me do whatever is necessary. When this is all over, we can build our friendship again if you want to. But for now, just let me take care of you, of this. I need to do this."

I sigh loudly. "I'll cooperate, but you are still "spilling the beans". I say, letting him know I still have expectations of him. "Let's eat, I'm starved."

His phone rings during our meal, and I hear him say. "Hey, Jasper, what happened with James? Really. Shit. Okay. Keep me posted. Thanks."

"What happened? Did they serve James?" I ask, trying not to seem too impatient.

"No, he doesn't live there anymore. No one had a forwarding address. Jasper is on it. He'll let us know." He says with concern.

"I don't know what it is with me and guys named James." I mumble.

"What do you mean?" He asks.

"There was this weird guy in high school that used to follow me around. He'd write me love notes, bring me flowers. He'd show up at my house. He thought he was my boyfriend. He seemed harmless enough, but my dad scared him off eventually. Then we graduated and I moved away. End of story." I shrug.

"What was his last name?" He questions.

"Embry. James Embry."

Edward makes a strange noise. My eyes dart up to him to make sure he's not choking on his lunch or something. His eyes are wide, his hands tightly gripping the edge of the table. He doesn't move.

"Edward, what's wrong? Are you choking?" I start to get up and move to his side of the table. He puts his hand up to stop me. I sit back down and wait.

He closes his eyes, takes a deep breath and reaches for his cell phone. He searches for something. He holds the phone out for me to look at.

"Do you know this guy?" He asks.

"Yes, that's James, my James from Forks. Why?" And then it hits me. James is James. They are one in the same. Oh shit.

"You said your dad scared him off back in high school. Were the police involved at all?"

"You could say that. My dad is the police. The police chief of the small town I grew up in. So yes, the police were involved."

"We need to talk to your dad. Let's go." He throws money down on the table, grabs my hand and pulls me outside. Seth is waiting by the door. Edward gets him up to speed, as we all climb in our cars to leave.

Before driving off, Edward makes a quick call to Jasper. He's going to meet us at the apartment to have a conference call with my dad. I don't look forward to involving him. He didn't want me to move this far away from home. He hates the fact that I'm so close to crime ridden Los Angeles. I've assured him that I've met good people and made good friends. This whole James thing and Edward's involvement are not supporting my argument very well.

Back at Edward's apartment we have a conversation with my dad on speaker phone. I introduce Edward, Jasper and Seth. After the pleasantries are over the hard part begins. The conversation goes as I expected. My dad wants me to pack up and come home. Edward does his best to assure my dad that I am well protected, but like any father who is the chief of police, his protection is better than any other.

Eventually, after the initial shock of what we told him, he agrees to support me staying here and to contact the local police here in Laguna. He faxes over James' police file for Seth and Jasper.

Before hanging up Dad says. "Ironically Bells, James was spotted here last week. I thought to myself that I was glad you weren't in town. I have some work to do here now. I need to find out who gave James some of that confidential information he had on you."

Our conversation ends with everyone agreeing to work together and keep communicating. This James is a slippery sucker. The more people keeping their eyes out for him the better.

After the phone call is over and Jasper has left, Edward excuses himself to take care of some business. He retreats to his room, the guest room. I don't like taking over his room, but I know arguing about that is a waste of my time.

"Can I use your computer?" I ask before he goes.

"Sure." He gets it booted up. Buddy and I are his screen saver. That makes me feel all warm inside. I occupy myself with mundane internet stuff.

I hear Edward enter the room. "Um, I have an appointment tomorrow morning." He says quietly.

I'm pretty sure I know what appointment he's talking about. I turn and look at him. His head is hung, eyes cast down.

"How do you feel about going? I ask.

"Eh, it's long overdue, I guess." He shrugs. "Want to order pizza and watch a movie?" He changes the subject, again.

"Sure, sounds good."

We settle into a comfortable rhythm together. We work well side by side doing stupid things like cleaning up the kitchen or taking turns brushing our teeth. It's comfortable. Lounging on the sofa next to him seems... right, normal.

We're both yawning as the movie comes to an end. "Bedtime?" He asks. I nod in response as I stifle another yawn.

He heads off to the guest room. "Hey, Edward. I'm okay with sharing your bed. If that's okay with you, I mean. I would sleep a lot better knowing you are comfortable in your own bed."

He turns, looking a little stunned. I hope that wasn't too much. Maybe last night was a one-time thing.

"Really?" He asks with a shy smile.

"Really." I answer. "Come on boys." And my three boys follow me to Edward's bedroom; Buddy, Booboo and Edward.

We settle in on separate sides of the bed. The distance between us seems like miles. I slide closer to him until I'm barely touching his side, feeling his warmth. "Is this okay?" I ask.

"Very." Is all he says.

I fall into a deep, dreamless sleep more easily than I thought possible.

A/N

James is James... as most of you figured out :)

What now? Where is James? Therapy time...

More sexy times are coming!

Thanks so much everyone. I really love to read your thoughts.

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