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Dogward/Brokenward/Virginward/Beachward

Chapter 28

EPOV

I can't believe she wants to share my bed with me. After all I've put her through, she still cares. This woman never ceases to amaze me.

When she moves over next to me in bed, touching me, it's like I can breathe again. The open space between us, so distant, felt representative of where we were in our relationship/friendship.

Closer is definitely better.

I stay awake listening to her breathe, in and out. She falls asleep quickly. Me, not fast enough. My thoughts are on my appointment with my therapist in the morning. I haven't seen her for years, but she's known me since I was a kid, since I first came here. She seems like the logical person to see.

I don't know when I finally fall asleep, but I wake up with Bella curled up next to me, her arm across my chest. She's a snuggler; I could get used to this., I shouldn't get my hopes up. We have so much to sort out, to go through. A future between Bella and I should be the last thing on my mind, but it's not.

I make breakfast today. She's surprised that I can cook. Unless I want to starve or live on fast food, learning to cook is a necessity. I am a bachelor for life after all.

"Do you want to take the dogs to the dog beach later today?" I ask over breakfast.

A strange look crosses her face. "Do you think that's a good idea? I mean is it a safe place for us to be?" She questions.

"I discussed it with Seth yesterday. He thinks if he is up on the bluff and can see us we should be fine. He can watch the parking lot and the beach from there."

She nods.

"Only if you want to." I add.

"It's going to be a hot one that's for sure. Let's see how you feel when you get home."

I nod this time. I wish I didn't have this appointment. I just want to hang out on the beach with Bella and the boys.

"I should be home around noon. Paul is going with me and Seth is staying here with you. See ya later." I say as I'm leaving. Without thinking I go to her and give her a kiss on the cheek.

She stiffens, relaxes and then gives me a comfortable smile. I thought I had gone too far when she stiffened up.

~MEB~

I feel like I'm going to the Principal's office as I head to my therapist, Maggie Cope. She is the therapist I saw back when I was a young kid and ever since then when I needed to talk to someone. She knows more about me and my situation than anyone, even my parents.

"Edward." She greets me with a warm smile and an extended hand.

"Hi, Dr. Cope." I say as I shake her hand.

"Maggie, Edward. Please call me Maggie."

"Okay." I say hesitantly.

"How have you been? You look well. You've grown in to such a handsome young man." She offers.

"I'm not that young." I laugh.

"Well, I remember you as a young boy." She laughs too.

"What brings you here to see me, Edward?" She asks, pen in hand, perched above her note pad.

"Um, I've been having nightmares again." Is all I can think to say.

"When did they start, and how often?" She asks while writing.

"Well, my life has gotten more complicated lately."

She nods. "The nightmares were always worse when you were under stress; is that what you think is causing them?"

"Probably."

"How often do you have them?"

"Lately, about every other night. They've come and gone all my life, but lately they are happening a lot. It's always the same dream, except now there is someone else in them too."

"Oh, do you know this person?" She asks.

"Yes, actually, she's the reason I'm here."

"What do you mean Edward?" She asks looking up from her writing.

"I've gotten close to someone. She knows I am, um... broken. She wants me to open up to her, share this particular part of my life with her. But I don't know if I can."

"What's her name?"

"Bella."

"Okay, Bella, obviously means a lot to you. But as you know, you should be here for yourself and no one else. True change comes from within. If you want to share that part of you with her, it should be your decision and you should not be forced into it. How do you feel about this? Do you feel manipulated?"

I pause, thinking about the question. Do I feel manipulated by Bella? I answer honestly. "No, I don't feel manipulated. I trust her. I know she is doing this for herself and for me. I know she cares for me too. Whether or not she and I have a future doesn't matter. She's the first person I've met, who I've wanted to get close to, who I wanted to open up to. I just don't know how."

"When you say the first person you've wanted to get close to, do you mean physically and emotionally?"

"Yes, both."

"But there have been others you've been physically close to?"

"No." I shake my head.

We continue to talk about my life and Bella. Maggie suggests I start small, sharing small bits of my past slowly; putting the whole of my situation together piece by piece. I hope Bella is okay with that. I think I can handle it if I can do it in my own time, and I will do it. I have to.

Before I get up to leave she says. "Please see your tragic past for what it is, an unfortunate tragedy that happened to you, not because of you. I would love to meet this woman who has stolen your heart and provoked these changes in you."

"Thank you, Maggie. This was easier than I thought it would be." I say smiling.

"Edward, it is wonderful to see you again. I think we should meet every week to get you through this." I agree and make an appointment for next week.

I thank her and head home. I'm more optimistic than before. Maybe I can do this. Maybe I can be whole again. Hopefully my past will not send Bella running in the other direction.

~MEB~

Bella doesn't ask about my appointment and I don't offer up any information. But I'm sure she can sense that I'm more relaxed. I'm not avoiding, there is a time and place and now is not it. We'll talk tonight.

After a quiet lunch at my apartment, we head to the dog beach with Booboo and Buddy. No giant umbrella, cooler, no fanfare. Just a ball, dog treats, water, 2 towels and smash ball. We put our stuff back by the bluff.

"See, Bella. This is a safe place for our stuff." I joke. She smacks my arm and calls me a smart ass.

I take my shirt off and start playing ball with the dogs. Bella is sitting on the towel watching me. She smiles when I look her way.

"Do you want to play smash ball?" I ask her when the dogs sit down in the sand for a rest.

"Sure, but I'm not very good." She stands up and starts removing her shorts and top, revealing a tiny blue bikini. I groan internally. How am I going to get through this? She looks too good for words. I just want to grab her and have my way with her on the towel.

We stand about 20 feet apart and I hit the ball right to her paddle. She misses more than she hits the ball. When she bends over to get the ball, I can't even look. Her long legs, tight ass and fit body are calling to me. I have to adjust myself more than once hoping she doesn't notice my growing discomfort.

I try to focus on the game, but just watching her is making it nearly impossible. She bends at the waist to get a ball from the sand, giving me a full rear view. Before I make a conscious decision, I'm behind her, pressing the front of my body into the back of hers, causing her to gasp. I inhale her intoxicating scent as my mouth lingers near the base of her ear.

"Can you feel what you do to me?" I whisper. Leaving kisses on her neck and shoulder, tasting her with my tongue. I snake my arm around her waist pulling her firmly against my erection. I hear her breath catch in her throat, my own breath coming out in unsteady pants.

"Yes." She says unsteadily. Goose bumps rising on her skin as a run my hands down the sides of her body.

Then I'm gone, in the ocean, waist deep trying to calm my raging hormones. Who was I kidding thinking I could be here with her looking like that and not react.

The heat of her small body against my back surprises me. Her warm hands trailing up my back.

"My problem may not be as big as yours, but my body reacts the same way to you." She breathes, bringing her hands around to rest on my abs. I resist the urge to her guide her hands and have her touch just how big my problem is.

Instead I reach back and grab her thighs in my hands. "Hold on spider monkey." I say as I raise her onto my back.

We both groan at the contact of her center on my back. I can feel how hot she is for me.

"I can feel you." I groan.

"Umhmm." Is all she says as I take us deeper into the water, attempting to cool us both down.

A/N

Progress for Edward, he's feeling hopeful.

Sadness in the fandom. One of our own lost her baby girl yesterday. Prayers and healing thoughts for Cara No and her family.

Thanks for reading and letting me know what you think :) You all make me smile.