Don't know if anyone is reading this story but I had to write it. For myself. To get my mind of the drama that's happening on Grey's at the moment. I can't stop thinking about it! Can you?!Or does anyone have a time machine? I want to see the finale...NOW! :) Anyways, here comes a long chapter.
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Callie sat shocked in the on-call room while the storm got worse and worse. She didn't know what she was feeling right now. Hurt. Anger. Confusion. Sadness. All at once. Tears rushed into her eyes but they didn't fall down. It was like she was glued to the bed while her body started to shiver heavily. She didn't even realize that Bailey was standing in front of her until Bailey shook her a little roughly. "Torres, what happened?"
"I…she…Arizona…I…oh god," Callie stuttered and ran to the garbage can when she had to puke. This couldn't happen. This was not true. She was sleeping right? And just having a horrible nightmare. Her Arizona, her wife, her family, her everything had betrayed her? She had never felt such heartache in her life and all she could do was sitting on the floor shivering and looking into nothing. Her brain just couldn't process it. This was too much.
"Torres!" Bailey snapped her out of it and it was now that she realized that Bailey was holding her hair back and looked down worried at her.
"I…can't do this, Miranda. I…just…oh god," that was the moment when Callie started crying and Bailey went down to her knees and let her sob into her shoulders not knowing what was wrong with her friend, a friend she could always trust.
"Mark is dead!" Callie cried loudly and clung to Bailey as if her life depended on her.
"I know. He is…"
"NO! He is dead. He's never coming back and we fought so hard, every minute but I got her back. I got her back, right, Miranda?" Callie's eyes looked like they were searching for hope.
Bailey looked confused at Callie and wiped her tears, "Yes, you got her back. Arizona is back."
"But she isn't. She…I couldn't get her back. I…," suddenly Callie jumped up and started throwing around everything that was in the room. She had such anger inside of her. She was angry with Arizona, with Mark for leaving her alone, with George for dying on her and with the whole world. She didn't deserve that much pain in her life. She was a good person, someone people could trust and someone who cared for others.
"I can't deal with that. I can't. I just can't!" she hit the wall hard with her hand until Miranda jumped in front of her and put her hands on Callie's to stop her from hurting herself even more. Callie looked broken at Miranda.
"What happened?" Bailey asked worried and with so much worry in her voice. That was the moment Callie's legs couldn't carry her anymore. They just gave up on her. Just like her ex husband, her best friend and now her wife too. She fell to the floor and sobbed into her knees until Miranda put her arms around Callie and pushed her into her embrace and held her as tight as possible.
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After what seemed like hours of staring into nothing, Callie stood up and took a deep breath. "Callie…" Bailey wanted to say something but Callie just shook her head.
"You know, she said that she doesn't deserve me but obviously I'm not worth enough for her. Same old story, huh?" Callie shrugged her shoulder in defeat and smiled sadly. Then she walked outside and honestly didn't know what to do. Not at all. She knew her life would change right now. Again. But she also knew that this wasn't something she could overcome. She had overcome a lot in her life but with Arizona by her side, with the love of her life. Arizona was her life. Her love. But being betrayed like this, it was a nightmare. She wished that love could just vanish from one moment to another because she was sure that she couldn't survive this. She couldn't stop loving Arizona. She couldn't start hating her but she also knew that she would always think of Arizona's cheating while looking at her. Always. With her head hung down she walked through the hospital when she saw a worried Cristina running to her.
"Your wife, I think she has a panic attack!" Callie who looked shocked back at Cristina. For a moment she hesitated but then she ran after Cristina. She could already hear the screaming from Arizona and ran into the room. She was shocked when she saw Arizona sitting on the floor without her pants on, her prosthetic was thrown into a corner and Arizona looked down at her stomp while she hyperventilated and tears rushed down her cheeks.
"Arizona!" Callie said with love but also hurt in her voice. "You can go," Callie turned around and Cristina immediately nodded. She knew that Arizona didn't want anyone to see her in this state. Her wife hated to loose control and having a panic attack at the hospital in front of others was definitely not a situation where Arizona was in control.
"No! Cristina, we need to save them. The animals will eat them alive," Arizona screamed at Cristina who looked confused at the doctor.
"Go!" Callie told Cristina again and closed the door behind her. She looked down at her broken wife. "Arizona, you need to…"
"NO! It's gone, Callie. It's not there any more. Where is it? I want it back!" Arizona looked down at her missing leg and cried heavily, "This is just a nightmare, this is not true. This is not true. I am Arizona Robbins. Happy and perky Arizona Robbins. I know people call me that. And I am. I love my heelys. I need them. Where are they Callie? I want my heelys." Normally Callie knew what to say but right now she had no clue. Her own feelings were hurting her and she didn't have the strength to push them away like she did often.
Arizona somehow managed to get up and wanted to walk but ended up crashing into the next table head first.
"Oh fuck!" Callie said shocked and went over to her wife who looked down at the floor with wide and scared eyes as blood rushed out of her nose. And suddenly Arizona let out another high pitched scream. Callie had never heard her screaming that loud, sure she had experienced many of Arizona's nightmares but not such a desperate scream.
"Arizona, you're okay, calm down," Callie sat down besides Arizona and touched her wife who tried in vain to stop the bleeding. It was obvious that her nose was broken.
"ARIZONA!" Callie screamed. She knew that sometimes Arizona would just snap out of her hysterical state when she would get louder. Arizona looked sadly at her and it broke Callie's heart to see those beautiful lips shivering but it also broke her heart that she would probably not kiss them for a long while or never? "Wake me up. Wake me up, Calliope. Please, promise me to wake me up."
Callie pushed herself behind Arizona and held her tightly as she rocked her back and forth. "Shhh, take deep breaths, Arizona. Remember, in and out." But all Arizona did was hyperventilating more and more until Callie knew that she had to give her something. This wasn't the first time but Arizona had never been that trapped in her own world. So Callie jumped up and ran outside to get a shot. When she came back Arizona was still hyperventilating as the blood rushed out of her nose and bruises formed around her eyes. "I betrayed you." Arizona answered and looked up at Callie. "I'm an unthankful and horrible person. Go away!"
"Well, guess what, I won't," Callie said harshly and soft at the same time and pulled out the shot which made Arizona panic even more.
"No, no, no!" Arizona pushed Callie back with her leg.
"Arizona, please stop, you're making yourself sick. You need to calm down!" This was the moment that Callie panicked a little.
"I don't deserve you. Run Callie, run!" Arizona sat through her sobbing that got worse and worse. Callie knew that she needed to sedate Arizona before she would loose consciousness. But she also knew that she didn't have the power to overpower Arizona right now, so she ran outside and was glad when she saw Alex.
"Karev, come inside!" She knew that Alex was not the right person but right now she didn't care because inside she was panicking and loosing control herself.
Alex raised an eyebrow and went into the room with Callie. He was shocked to see his boss on the floor, blood rushing out of her nose and only in her underpants. "What the fuck did you do to her?"
"I didn't do anything. I need to sedate her but she won't let me. Help me, okay?"
Normally Alex would've protested immediately but she saw his boss hyperventilating and the tears in Callie's eyes. He nodded and went to Arizona.
"Robbins, I…"
"Noooooo, get out!" Arizona screamed and wanted to kick him too but he went behind her and held her tightly. "No, no, no!" Arizona tried to get free but within a second Callie gave her the shot and her body started to relax a little.
"Get out!"
"What?" Alex asked confused.
"I said GET OUT." Callie knew that she wasn't fair but right now she didn't care about being fair. "And thank you," she whispered and was glad that Alex just left. Here she was, sitting on the floor with her silently sobbing wife that had broken her heart. She felt all kinds of emotions: anger, fear, hurt, confusion, worry…everything was mixed but nevertheless that was her wife. The person she had promised to be there forever. Through good and bad. "Let's get you into a bed. I have to check your nose," Callie said while the tears rushed down her face as well.
"I'm so sorry," Arizona whispered and finally took a deep breath when the sedation was working.
Callie didn't know what to say but nodded. She pulled her arms around her groggy wife and carried her onto the bed where she examined the nose. Obviously it was broken but she wouldn't need an operation. "Did you think we would end like this?"
Callie looked down confused at her medicated, "Did I think we would end like this? No, Arizona, I didn't think I would lose my best friend. I didn't think you would have a prosthetic one day and I didn't think that you'd cheat on me after everything we went through."
"I didn't mean to. I'm so sorry. You are so wonderful, Callie. Don't forget that and I…love you!"
"Huh, obviously not wonderful enough," Callie whispered as she took care of Arizona's nose.
"No you are!" Arizona yelled a little but shivered when Callie yelled back.
"Then why did you cheat on me for god's sake? Don't you remember our vows? Our…we are married and…"
Arizona tried to sit up but realized that her medication was kind of heavy, "I didn't…do it on purpose. It just happened and I couldn't control it," Arizona yelled frustrated but her word were coming out a little as if she was drunk, well she was on drugs right now.
"That's your excuse? I can't believe you. You're not the Arizona I married. You're…honestly…I don't know who you are any more." Callie stood up and was about to walk out of the room until Arizona screamed loudly.
"I know I am not, okay! Do you think I like that? I wish nothing more than to feel like me again. To wake up and know who I am. I know the accident happened months ago and I…I…know my leg will never come back or…or Mark but I don't know how to be the old one. I try, Calliope. I try but I feel like I've lost myself, like there isn't an Arizona Robbins any more. I'm just the shadow of her."
Callie listened carefully to every word. She was shocked that Arizona still felt that way. "I don't know how to snap out of it but I want to. I want nothing more than to become who I was but it feels like I'd have to run and I can't even run with just one leg."
"Why are you telling me this now? Why are you telling me all your thoughts now that you…you cheated on me? That is not fair!" Callie closed the door again and cried. "What do you want me to say, Arizona? That it's okay that you cheated on me? That I can understand it? That we can just go on and pretend that nothing had happened? That I'm not hurt?"
"No," Arizona immediately shook her head fast. "I mean I…didn't really really cheat on you. I know that's pathetic and I'm not proud of it but…" Callie realized that Arizona's voice was getting slower, probably because of the sedation.
"What is that supposed to mean?" Callie yelled back angry and made fists.
"I think I'm going to be sick," Arizona held her hand in front of her mouth and was glad when Callie gave her a basket that she could throw up into. Finally she laid back with her sweaty head and looked at her hurt wife.
"It just came," Arizona whispered as her lips started to shiver. Callie looked down confused at her and didn't know what to think.
"What came?" She hated when Arizona talked in miracles.
"I…the thunder was so loud and I…you know how I am then and…so I just tried to close my eyes for a second and I guess I fell asleep and…"
"Go on!" Callie said harshly but wasn't sure whether she wanted to know every detail. She was already crushed.
"I…you know Lauren made me feel like myself again. Sexy and beautiful, just like…you know before…when women were lining up for me. And she flirted with me and I flirted back and I…I even checked her out," Arizona couldn't look at Callie as she told her everything, "Well and the operation went fine and she was…I don't know like me but not the me now but the me from before, the one you loved and married, and then in my dream Lauren came into the room and she…she well, she kissed me and at first I stopped her thinking of you but then she said that I could lose control from time to time, so I closed the door and um…we had sex." There was a long pause between the two of them. No one knew what to say or think.
"In your dream?" Callie didn't know whether she had heard it right or not but saw the tears that rushed into her wife's eyes again as she nodded. Callie was somewhere between yelling at Arizona for scaring her like that, crying out of relief, laughing because of the stupid situation they were in or just running out of the room. "Please say something, Calliope!"
"Was it good?" Callie finally asked feeling a huge relief but also jealousy and hurt.
"What?" Arizona looked up with puffy red eyes as Callie treated her nose.
"I'm asking you if the sex was good?"
"Um…yes and no. She…she made me feel like I'm me again."
"Did you dream it with two or one leg?"
Arizona looked confused at her wife and then thought about it, "I had my leg back while I was…um…you know but when we were…um…done…my leg fell into pieces and I screamed your name to help me."
"Would you allow Lauren to touch your stomp in reality?"
"What? No! I just let you…you know…Oh god, Alex saw me like this." Arizona blushed a little and wiped her tears. She was shocked when Callie went forward and kissed her on the mouth and then laid her head on her chest and started crying heavily as if a huge weight was finally gone.
"Calliope, I'm so sorry. It's not like I really wanted to do it," Arizona caressed Callie's head and felt horrible to see her wife that broken. "Please stop crying, I'm sorry."
Callie looked up and smiled softly, "I'm…these are happy tears, most of them."
"Happy?" Arizona asked confused.
"I thought you really slept with her."
"Oh," Arizona whispered and then widened her eyes, "OH!"
"Yes, oh!" Callie wiped her tears and took a deep breath.
"I am so sorry. I thought….no, Lauren is sexy and…but…I would never…" Arizona couldn't continue talking because Callie kissed her softly again and then lay down under the blanket with her. "I'm sorry!"
"I know," Callie nodded and went over Arizona's stomp. She was glad that Arizona let her without shivering or protesting. Arizona held Callie tightly as she cried heavily into her embrace. She couldn't even remember when she had seen Callie that devastated.
After a while Arizona just needed to ask Callie: "Callie, did you really think, I could…um…cheat on you?"
"Honestly, I didn't but when you told me it somehow made sense and Lauren is sexy and…" Callie managed to say in between sobbing.
"But she's not you!" Arizona said sternly and looked down at the woman she loved so much. "Calliope, I love you. You and Sofia are my everything and I'm…I just feel so ashamed that I had this dream and so disgusted but I want you. Nobody else and I don't want and can't anybody else touch me. You are the one that…you know…saved me and you and Sofia are the ones that keep me from giving up on…life…you know."
"Can I ask you something?"
"Yes."
"Why is it that you tell me all your thoughts when we fight or when you're drugged? Why can't you open up to me without fighting or being a druggy?" Callie asked a little hurt and looked down at her wife who looked to the ground. "Arizona. Why?"
"I…I feel ashamed."
"Ashamed?" Now Callie was definitely confused.
"Yes, because…I the accident was months ago. You lost your best friend and I was horrible to you and…I don't feel like it's normal to still have such thoughts and I hate being the one that gets panic attacks or needs help. The others are all okay and I'm your wife, not your patient and I want to be strong for you, for Sofia but sometimes I feel like a child who just wants to crawl back into the arms of her mother and I don't like that feeling. Not at all."
"Look at me," Callie told Arizona and put her hand under her chin to really made her look at her. "You aren't my patient. You are my wife. Nothing more. And everyone needs help. You helped me through my accident, I help you. That's what love is about and I need you as much as you need me. You are my rock. You are the one that, well…that keeps me alive too. So we are stuck in this together. No matter what and if you ever, EVER, tell me again that you cheated on me, I'll put you over my knees and spank you."
First Arizona looked shocked at her but then smirked, "That would be kinda sexy." Callie rolled her eyes and smiled too. "Did you get anything besides the spanking?"
"Yeah!" Arizona yawned and slung her arms around Callie's neck to pull her closer but then whined when her nose hurt even more. "Ow!" Callie immediately put her hands around her wife's cheeks, who looked down shocked, "Calliope, what happened to your hands?"
Callie snuggled deeper into Arizona's neck and didn't say anything, "Callie!"
"I hit a wall," Callie whispered sadly.
"You did what?" Arizona asked shocked and then kissed the bruised hands. "Well, if you're allowed to spank me than I will do too with you if you ever, ever hurt yourself again."
"As if you could!" Callie smiled up as her wife rolled her eyes.
"Hey, just because you're taller and you have more muscles doesn't mean I don't know how to fight too."
"With your girly hands? C'mon." Callie and Arizona laughed and looked a while at each other without saying anything until Arizona broke the silence.
"I'm sorry you thought it happened in reality. I…it just freaked me out the thought, you know, that I would lose control and cheat on you. I just…the thought of loosing you is like...I don't know, there isn't a word. It would be like loosing to speak, laugh, walk and think all at the same time."
"You druggy," Callie laughed when Arizona pouted.
"I didn't ask for those drugs!" Arizona said very slowly and pulled her leg over Callie, "Are we…I mean…are we…"
"Yes, we're okay. I don't really like that you had a dream with another woman, a blonde woman."
"That's so not my type. All the other women, and those were a lot, were dark haired and…"
"Arizona!" Callie looked shocked at her wife who blushed a little.
"Sorry. You are my last and favorite dark haired woman!"
"Can we continue this?" Callie whispered softly.
"What?"
"Us. Talking. We, I know we made progress but I feel like we have to talk more. You never told me what happened in those four days or your thoughts. It's just, it feels like when you tell me they come out like a bomb."
"I'm sorry, I just.."
"No, I know that's how you deal with things. You internalize them. And that's where we are completely different and I wished sometimes I would keep my thoughts to myself a little more but…I need you to stop internalizing when it comes to me. I need you to tell me what you think. I know you do and try but I thought about it for a while now and I think we should see a therapist."
"What?" Arizona asked shocked, "I…aren't you happy in the marriage. I can change, Callie. I…" Arizona panicked again but stopped when Callie kissed her softly.
"I am happy. Trust me, I am. But what you just told me and now your dream, it scares me. It scares me because maybe those are the signs that you are the one running away from me and I…I just…that would be…" Callie wiped her own tears and took a deep breath, "Please, let's try it!"
"I don't want to see a shrink and I'm never leaving you. I just want to forget," Arizona whispered sadly.
"Arizona, it's not about forgetting, it's about dealing with it and obviously you still struggle. We struggle. Please, do it for me." Callie pleaded and felt Arizona's heartbeat getting faster. When her wife finally nodded she smiled happily and snuggled closer as she held her tightly. Something both of them needed right now.
After a while Callie realized that Arizona was sleeping. She snored a little and obviously now the sedation had knocked her out.
"What would I do without you?" she whispered as she went through Arizona's hair.
"Callipppe," Callie knew that Arizona was still dreaming and would probably not remember what she would say right now. Something that happened very often. "Do you think I can get fat?"
"What?" Callie asked confused, "You're not fat."
"Not now but I want to be." Arizona answered with her eyes closed.
"You want to be fat?" Callie raised an eyebrow.
"Yes but I don't know if my prosthetic will break then but it would only be ten months." Callie looked shocked down at her wife. Did she really just say ten months?
"You want another child?" Callie asked confused.
"Don't you? Sofia can't be an only child."
"Um…honestly I didn't think about that for a long time and I don't know if it's the best moment right now but…we'll talk about it, okay?"
"Okay. Maybe we can give them awesome names then." Arizona closed her eyes with a loud yawn.
"Them?"
"Yes, I'd get quadruplets. We can't just call them 1,2,3 and 4. That would be mean. We could call them Cal and lio and p and e." Arizona woke up when Callie burst out into laughing. "What?"
"Oh nothing." Callie laughed and kissed Arizona softly. "I just love you!"
"I love you too!" Arizona yawned and both of them finally fell asleep. Callie knew that this was the wife she had married a long time ago and that this was also the wife that would make her happy. It wasn't always easy, but nobody said it would be, right?! Arizona Robbins and Callie Torres were just meant to be together. Forever.
The End.
I know it's pretty unrealistic that this would happen on the show. But honestly, I don't want Arizona to cheat. In my mind it's out of character and although I love drama, I don't want to see Calzona fighting drama. Her cheating would affect them, Sofia, their friends...it's...horrible and Callie will be devastated. I'm really scared that season 10 will be depressing. Calzona fights and crying...in my mind they already went through enough and they don't need cheating on the list. I know it's a drama show and Grey's Anatomy wouldn't be Grey's anatomy without it but it's not like Callie and Arizona didn't already go through A LOT of drama this season. Obviously you can tell that I'm really not supportive of that idea ;(! I thought that Arizona would not kiss Lauren or at least stop at some point. But I was wrong, huh. I hope someone agrees with me. I just want to see happy Calzona times...Well, did you enjoy my two-shot? If I wouldn't have to do that much I'd consider writing even more. Maybe about them taking some time off and going on vacation. Their healing path. Who knows, maybe I will some day! Thanks for reading!