"Hello?"
Cal heard the call pick up at the other end even though Owen had his ear plastered to his father's cell phone.
"Where are you Mum?" Owen asked. He listened intently for a moment, blue eyes searching around the room, then laughed. Cal gave him raised eyebrows; asking the question again silently that Owen had just voiced. "She's in the garage," Owen told him with a delighted, gleeful expression.
"Really?" Lewis asked surprised from beside him, expressing what Cal was thinking himself.
"Go see if Mum needs help," Cal told him, resting his fist in his open palm and shifting them towards the door where Gillian was. Lewis wandered off.
"Ok bye," Owen went on quickly and shoved the phone at his father. He raced off towards the hallway after his big brother. Cal made sure the call had actually been disconnected before slipping his phone into his jeans pocket. The boys were back in less than a minute, a few shopping bags in each hand. Some of it was food, the rest were clothes; though Cal did spot a bag from a teenagers clothing store as well, not all just for Gillian. And then there she was and she had an expression on her face that was hard for Cal to read until he broke it down. There was the soft eyes of concern, but the hard lines of her mouth that meant, often, anger, and maybe in this case she was angry too but there was something else in the way her jaw was set that meant she was trying to hide it, or overcome it. Cal wondered what that meant.
"Here Mum?" Owen asked, indicating if they should put the bags on the breakfast bar.
"Yes," she answered.
Cal gave a slight smirk, "You should have taken them with you to carry your bags while you were shoppin."
Gillian turned to make sure the boys were doing what she asked of them and then she turned back to Cal and her face was not laughing. "Owen told me you told them how your Mom died." Her voice was low and urgent.
"Yeah. It kind of came up."
"Uh huh," Gillian responded disbelievingly, borderline hostile.
"I didn't plan it Gill," Cal countered feeling a little defensive.
"It was a conversation we should have had as a family," Gillian went on, almost as if he hadn't spoken.
"Yeah I know," Cal tried again and then Owen bounced over to where they stood.
"Hey Mum did you buy me a present?"
"Yes but take a seat on the couch for a second. Dad and I want to talk to you," Gillian pressed a directing hand to her son's shoulder.
"It wasn't me," Owen immediately responded, his blue eyes a little wider in innocence. Cal almost chuckled; both his boys, so entertaining.
"And Lewis," Gillian turned again to find their teenager silently putting the food away. "Wow thank you Lewis," Gillian told him enthusiastically. "For putting the food away." She went to help him finish while Cal sat with Owen, guarding him from taking off to escape the discussion. He did assure him he wasn't in trouble though.
Lewis sat next to Owen on the couch and Gillian moved to sit with Cal on the coffee table opposite. There was no preamble, Gillian went straight into it. She didn't even check with Cal to see what he had already told them and this was not one of those conversations they had pre-planned.
"So Dad talked to you about how Nana died?" But it wasn't really a question Gillian was expecting an answer to. "Do you have any questions about that?"
The boys sat there for a moment and even Cal felt a little stunned. He wasn't sure if that was because Gillian had felt left out, or because the subject warranted a direct approach. Or maybe he should have been pushing the boys to talk about it more.
Lewis gave a shrug.
Owen started to raise his hand and then dropped it with the flash of an amused smile. "If Nana was sad, how come she didn't tell her Mum and Dad? They could have made it better for her."
Now there was some interesting insight into Owen's little mind. Mum and Dad fixed everything, including the sad days. Which was good, great even, that he felt the way to solve something was to engage Mum and Dad's help, but also sad, because one day he was going to realise as much as the superheroes his parents were, they still had their kryptonite.
Gillian turned her gaze to Cal slightly, inviting him to answer. "Nana's Mum and Dad were already dead," Cal told them. By then it was too late. It was obvious they had never gotten her the help she needed. No one did. Not even her doctor was playing close enough attention in the end was he? Mostly, though, Cal had come to the conclusion that his mother was very good at hiding it from the people she didn't want to see.
"Oh," Owen noted bluntly.
"I don't even understand how someone could do that. Just... kill themselves. How could she not want to be alive?" Lewis gave his mother shrewd eyes, then glanced to his father, and back to his mother again. There was a challenge in his tone.
Gillian reached for Cal's hand, maybe to indicate that she would handle the answer to the question, which Cal was quite happy to let her do. He wasn't sure how to answer that one anyway. He had spent so long trying to figure out the answer himself, and it was only when he caught a glimpse into her world himself that he could maybe understand. But then he had hope and he knew miracles could happen, so no, he didn't understand. Or maybe he understood but he didn't agree with the choice she had made. Either way, Cal wasn't sure if Gillian took his hand to quieten him or to offer him some comfort, or as always, to give herself some. But she held his hand lightly and leaned forward to answer their son, breaking her grip for the two handed signs, but always falling back into Cal's palm.
"You know Lewis, how sometimes you find it incredibly frustrating with your hearing? When you can't hear the teacher or the other kids in your class? Sometimes you ask them to repeat it but sometimes even if they do you still don't understand what they say. Like they're speaking a foreign language. They don't make the effort to be clear or patient and you miss whatever it was. You know sometimes you say you wish you could just leave the room and disappear for the rest of the day because you feel unimportant?"
Lewis nodded and Owen stared at him. Yeah that was something that Owen probably didn't know because Lewis had only just started talking about it.
"It feels like that for a lot of people at different times. Sometimes I felt that way when my mom and dad wouldn't listen to me. And Dad feels like that sometimes too."
Cal nodded his agreement. And he was glad Gillian didn't explain when. It was hard enough explaining why someone they had never met was depressed, let alone their father. That was a conversation for another day.
"And Owen. When you're playing a game of baseball, like last weekend, when you were losing by quite a bit?"
That was putting it politely. They had had their asses handed to them by a far superior team.
"And you only had two more balls but needed six more runs to win and you couldn't possibly win the game?"
Owen nodded.
"You didn't give up though did you? Your whole team kept trying the very hardest that you could, even though you were going to lose and you all knew it?"
Owen nodded again, but this time it was slower, unsure, waiting for his mother to get to the point. Cal was also waiting for Gillian to get to the point. This story wasn't the same as Lewis's.
"What if you gave up? You could have just walked away from the game. Just quit and walked away," Gillian went on without missing a beat. Owen stared at her and Cal suddenly clicked as to her point. "But you didn't, did you? You kept going. Because you're strong, because it didn't matter too much, it's just a game and you'll learn to be better next time. You had a whole team and coaches there with you so it wasn't so scary right?"
Owen nodded and Lewis was listening intently.
"But for Nana. She was alone. No team mates. And she couldn't see that she could get better next time. It mattered to her so much," Gillian's voice softened.
"Everybody feels things differently than otha people," Cal added. "Mum cries durin' sad movies but we don't. And we don't get upset much when Harry Taylor goes to a mall and all the girls go out to see him."
"That's cos he's lame," Lewis cut in.
"But some people get really upset," Cal pointed out. Mostly teenaged girls, screaming and crying and carrying on.
"So do you understand a bit better now?" Gillian brought the conversation back around.
"How Nana might have felt she was very alone and sad and that she didn't know what else to do?" Cal added.
The boys nodded in unison.
"But I want you boys to remember," Gillian added sombrely. "That you're not alone. Because Dad and I are here and we're very willing to listen to anything you want to talk about. Anything that's bothering you or that you might want help to figure out. We want you to talk to us, not hurt yourselves."
"Don't be like Nana," Cal finished what Gillian apparently wasn't going to say. "She gave up. But you know, when I get sad, I talk to Mum and she helps me," Cal glanced to his wife and her face was so warm, so beautiful. "And if she doesn't undastand right away I keep tryin' and she makes sure she tries very hard to listen. It's important. All right?" Whoa he felt an overwhelming urge to cry. "Cos I don't want to lose you boys like I lost my Mum." A hot prickle beneath his eyelids and then watery vision. Cal blinked it back rapidly. Gillian's hand was squeezing his tightly and then her arm was around the back of his shoulders. The boys were there as well, getting their arms in there for awkward but sweet and comforting hugs and caressing hands.
"We love you Dad," Owen told him.
"Thank you. I love you too. Very much."
"Verr, verr much," Lewis murmured.
Cal looked up and gave him a smile. "Promise?"
Lewis nodded and Cal raised his right hand, pinky extended. Lewis wrapped his smaller finger around his father's. Cal offered it to Owen next and he did the same. Then Gillian added hers and so Lewis returned his. All their fingers were intertwined and Cal leaned over to give Gillian a kiss. So much love. Always.
And love conquered all.