Chapter 5 – No Matter How Far
Jane went back to his small apartment in Sacramento, and was cradling a glass of whiskey while musing over the mess that was his life now.
He was still married but couldn't even bear the sight of his wife. His beloved daughter was dead, and now Angela was going to have a child with some random stranger.
He didn't have the heart to divorce her, and yet there was no way he could bring himself to raise the kid with her. He guessed he was going to spend the rest of his days alone, waiting for that merciful release that would be his death.
It had better come quick, or he might be tempted to consider speeding up the process. Once the man who'd murdered Charlotte was caught, that was.
His cellphone rang again, he didn't need to check the ID to know it was Lisbon. However, he was in no mood to talk to her, so he simply ended the call.
He knew she was probably worried about him by now, but what was he going to tell her?
Sorry, Teresa – I'm feeling down because my wife is replacing our daughter with a child that is not my own.
It sounded quite pathetic, and he didn't want her pity. It was bad enough being in love with his best friend, all the while knowing that he would never be free to love her as she deserved.
He grimaced as he took another sip of the strong beverage. He usually wasn't one to drink alcohol, but he was desperate to forget tonight.
Some ten minutes later came a knock at the door, and he wasn't actually surprised when he saw Teresa Lisbon through the peephole.
Up to that moment he hadn't realized how much he needed her soothing presence. That was why he unlocked the door and let her in.
xxx
She didn't need to ask to know that Jane was seriously upset tonight. It was written all over his face, and Lisbon wondered what his wife might have said or done for him to react that badly.
However, she had no right to poke her nose into their personal life. All she could do was to be there for her friend, offer him a supporting shoulder if he felt like crying.
"Wanna drink?" he asked neutrally, and she shook her head.
It was a relief to see that the bottle of whiskey standing on the coffee table was still quite full, and there were no other empty bottles around. Her past experience with her dad had taught her to read the signs, and she knew that Jane hadn't tried to drink himself to sleep at the very least.
"If there's anything I can do," she began as she laid a tentative hand on his shoulder.
His green eyes locked with her own, and an awkward silence fell between them. Slowly he put down his empty glass and closed the distance between them.
Their lips were only an inch apart now, but she didn't draw back. Her eyes fluttered shut almost against her will before his mouth covered her own.
They'd danced around each other for months now, and she needed little to no encouragement to give in to the feelings she'd tried to bottle up for so long. Just like a tiny spark igniting a blazing fire, his kiss had fueled the pent-up attraction she'd tried to deny for so long.
Her arms wrapped around his neck, she buried her fingers in the soft curls she'd never dared to touch before. His lips were demanding on hers, and she moaned deeply when his tongue flicked across the seam of her mouth. She happily granted him permission, pressing her body further against his own.
Things were quickly getting out of hand, it wouldn't take long for them to reach the point of no return. It was only when his hand went to cup her cheek that she remembered about his wedding band, its metal smooth against her heated skin.
She broke the kiss, hearts pounding as their eyes met. Longing was unmistakable in his dilated pupils, and yet he seemed to understand at once.
"I'm sorry, Teresa," he whispered softly, his brow resting against her own. "I shouldn't be doing this to you. You're a wonderful woman, and deserve so much more than I could ever give you."
Lisbon allowed herself to relish his gentle embrace for a few more moments, then nodded silently and pulled back.
They exchanged a wistful look across the room before she could bring herself to step outside and shut the door. Life wasn't fair, but it wasn't much of a novelty for her; she could live with that.
And now she should definitely give Jane some space, try and forget what had almost happened tonight.
xxx
"You look good. Have you been seeing someone?"
He saw Lisbon pause momentarily, therefore confirming his suspicions. A week had passed since they'd almost ended up in bed together; rationally he knew he should be happy that she'd already moved on, but he couldn't be farther from feeling that way.
The only silver lining to his current predicament was that he'd spent the better part of his life refining his poker face; he hoped it would be enough to hide his true feelings now.
"I went out with Mashburn," she said with a shrug, staring at her coffee as if her whole life depended on it.
"Well, good for you. A bit of harmless fun does wonders for improving your job performance. I think I read an article about it the other day."
She only gave him a half-hearted smile, then headed back to her office. He could tell she wasn't happy, he just hoped she would be in time.
The notorious playboy wasn't exactly the right man for her though, and he wished she would be able to see that. Lisbon deserved stability, not someone who considered women an enjoyable diversion and changed them as easily as others changed clothes.
As he sank into the welcoming softness of his worn-out leather couch he noticed something poking out between the cushions. He turned the letter in his hands before opening it, there was no address on the envelope but they wouldn't have left it there if it hadn't been for him.
In the end he tore it open and read the message.
Dear Mr. Jane,
I've heard that your lovely wife has got over the grief for the death of your beautiful daughter quicker than you were expecting.
I would say congratulations, but then it wouldn't be appropriate since the child isn't yours.
Perhaps you should follow her example, father another child and forget about your Charlotte.
Life goes on, my dear friend. Or that's what they say, at the very least.
The sheet of paper fell from his trembling fingers, then he grabbed the nearest object and threw it against the wall. His favorite teacup shattered into a thousand of pieces, worried eyes turned to him from every corner of the bullpen.
He fled before any of his colleagues had the chance to ask him what was wrong.
xxx
Lisbon almost bumped into an old lady as she turned around the corner, she apologized shortly before continuing the chase. Luckily Jane had never been one to enjoy running, and it didn't take her long to spot him as he strode along the riverside.
"Patrick, wait."
He didn't stop, only slowed down his pace and waited for her to catch up with him.
"I think I'll take some personal time, Lisbon. Sorry I didn't ask you in advance."
She bit her lip and turned to face him. "I've seen the letter. Red John is just trying to mess with your mind. Don't let him."
His jaw tightened as he stared into the distance. "I know what he's doing. My wife refused to play along with his little game of cat and mouse, and I'm the next best thing."
"Revenge will get you nowhere, Jane."
He clenched his fists, stubbornly avoiding her gaze. "Probably. But I really feel like throttling him with my bare hands."
"We'll catch him, I promise. Don't do anything rash."
When he met her eyes at last she knew he had eventually relented, and would allow her to help him in his pursuit for the serial killer.
Her arms wrapped around him in a comforting embrace, and she felt him reciprocate willingly. It didn't matter that they couldn't be together, and that she would probably never be able to settle for second best.
They were friends, and friends helped each other. Not to mention the fact that focusing on her job would also help her forget about the failure that her personal life was at the moment.
She only prayed that they got to Red John before he decided to raise the stakes and strike again.