Beta'd by cejsmom and preread by Twi-mom12292005

Banner by AnaFluttersby

You all know who owns these characters. No copyright infringement intended.

Dogward/Brokenward/Virginward/Beachward

or as someone called him "Adorably Virginal"

Chapter 39

BPOV

It's time to make decisions, decisions about my future, my belongings, my house, my living situation.

I've avoided thinking about all of this while Edward needed me, but he's stronger now. And reality is hitting me hard and it's freaking me out a bit.

I don't want to leave here. Leave him. But life goes on and so should I. I think I need to talk to someone.

"Edward, would you mind if I started seeing Dr. Cope too?" I say over breakfast.

"No, not at all."

"Maybe I could schedule an appointment before or after your next one?"

"Sure, that's a great idea. We could go to lunch or something after."

I nod and go back to eating, too many thoughts cloud my brain.

~MEB~

"Bella, so good to see you again," Dr. Cope says giving me a quick hug. "What's on your mind?" She asks getting right to the point.

"Um, it's time for me to make some decisions about my living situation and stuff, and I'm... I don't want things to change." I say embarrassed.

"It's perfectly natural to be hesitant about change and the future. You've been through quite an ordeal. From what I've seen you seem to be dealing with it all very well."

"I know. I just… I like being with Edward. It's the most comfortable I've been. The safest I've ever felt. I know that's no reason to stay, but it just feels so good. I'm afraid the decisions I make are going to change my 'friendship' with Edward." She raises a brow at me.

"Friendship. Is that what you two are to each other?" She pries.

I shake my head. "I don't know. We went into this knowing that neither of us wanted a 'relationship'. I don't know if that has changed. It's just hard. I don't want to read into this anymore than he is. I'd like to think we are equally invested, but I can't tell."

"Just do what feels right, say what feels right. Whatever happens, be open and honest. If you want more from him, tell him. Don't let anything pass you by."

I know she talks to Edward, but I try not to read anything into what she says. Bottom line, I need to put myself out there or just forget about it and continue my life as it was before Edward. The thought makes me so unhappy

~MEB~

"You're very quiet today. Did it go okay with Dr. Cope?" Edward asks during dinner that night.

"Yeah, it was fine." I pause and take a deep breath. "Edward. I need to make some decisions about what I'm going to do with the house. Where I'm going to live, etc."

"I have Seth and Paul for one more week. Why don't we get a truck and go over there tomorrow and sort through things." He offers.

I shake my head. "That's too much to ask of you, of them."

"You didn't ask, I offered. What time tomorrow?" He says with conviction.

"Um, ten?" I question.

"Ten it is." He takes out his cell and texts someone, I assume it's Seth and Paul. His phone pings twice. "We're all set. Seth is going to get the truck and he and Paul will meet us there."

"Just like that?" I ask.

"Just like that." He smiles, but it doesn't reach his eyes. My tight smile mirrors his.

~MEB~

"You okay?" Edward asks as we near my house.

I nod. Inwardly I'm freaking out. That psycho was in my house for days, going through my stuff. How can I keep any of it? But there are some things I just can't part with.

We pull into the driveway. He puts his hand over mine and gives it a quick squeeze. Seth and Paul are standing out front waiting for us.

Edward gets out of the car and greets them. I don't move. I can't.

Visions of James, how wretched he smelled, the knife, Edward, on the bedroom floor bleeding.

Suddenly my car door opens making me jump. Edward kneels down to my level.

"Bella, Seth, Paul and I are here with you. You aren't alone in this. You can do this. We can do this." He grabs my hands and helps me out of the car.

"Um, I'm not going in there first and neither are you," I say in a panic turning toward Edward. He pulls me into a hug, and tells Seth and Paul to check the yard, garage and house thoroughly while we wait.

I try to relax and let his scent, his strength, his body envelop me. I start to feel a sense of calm come over me.

"Bella?" I hear coming from behind Edward. I reluctantly peek around him and I'm unfortunately met with the remorseful eyes of Jacob.

"What do you want?" I ask sharply stepping to the side of Edward. He keeps his hand on my waist possessively.

"I haven't seen you for a while. You look good." He says looking up and down my body. Edward tightens his arm, effectively pulling me closer to his side. Jacob notices and frowns.

"Thanks, Jake. I'm good. We're good." I say glancing at Edward. "Thanks for asking," I can't help but refer to how rude and horrible he was when he came to the hospital.

He's taken back a bit. "Um, ya, good to hear that." He nods at Edward.

Edward nods back. They seem to be in some sort of stare down.

I put my arms around Edward's waist and turn my body into his. "Should we get started?" I ask him sweetly.

Edward breaks the stare to look at me. His gaze softens, "Sure."

"Excuse us Jacob, I have some packing to do." We turn to walk into the house.

"Where are you going?" Jacob asks.

"Anywhere but here," I yell over my shoulder, ending our conversation.

I smile to myself. Edward's arm still around me. I feel him kiss my head.

Maybe my chapter with Jake is finally closed.

~MEB~

"Are you sure this is all you want?" Edward asks with concern.

"Yep," I nod. Everything else is just... stuff.

Edward shakes his head while looking at my few pieces of furniture, a box of books, a box of photos, a box of documents, a few family heirlooms and some clothing and jewelry.

"It's just stuff, Edward. I'm walking away from this house with everything I want," I shrug.

He looks at me questioningly, but doesn't push me to explain.

Over the next few days I meet with a realtor and put my house on the market. She gives me the name of a person who does Estate Sales and we arrange a date for that.

I move what little belongings I have into Edward's guest room, but we continue to sleep together in his bed. It's comfortable. We're comfortable.

A few days later Edward and I have another appointment with Maggie.

As usual she greets me warmly with a motherly hug that immediately puts me at ease.

"How are things going, Bella?"

"Good. We went through my house and it's up for sale," I say excitedly.

"You sound happy about this."

"I am. I'm glad to have that terrible experience with James behind me. I mean I think about it sometimes, but I won't ever have to sleep in that room, again. That alone is a huge relief."

"Do you feel safe otherwise? Alone in the apartment, shopping, just living your life?"

I think for a minute. "Yes, I mean I'm not always looking over my shoulder if that's what you mean. It was horrible, don't get me wrong, but I know he's gone. I've accepted that."

"Good. It sounds like you're ready to move on."

"About that," I say slowly. "Um, I want to help Edward move on and I got this idea when I was cleaning out my house. I want to know what you think."

"Of course, Bella. I care about Edward too, but as you know I can't discuss anything specific about him."

"I know, but I think I might have a way that he can look at himself differently. Or at least look at that little boy who was trapped in that car with empathy and compassion. The only problem is that it means I have to leave and go back home to Seattle for a few days to get a few things."

"Okay. Let me hear what you're thinking," Maggie says, her pen poised to take notes as I begin to lay out my plans.

When I'm done explaining everything, Maggie looks deep in thought.

"What do you think?" I ask hesitantly.

"Well, I don't think it will hurt. He cares about you very much. That will work in your favor. I don't see any reason why you shouldn't try it. Just don't get your hopes up too much. He could easily shut down and not be open to what you are doing and saying to him."

I nod. "I know, but I feel like I have to do something. He's come so far and I feel like he's stuck right now. Like his progress is halted. If I can help guide him in the right direction I want to try."

"I don't see a reason not to do it, Bella. Edward is lucky to have someone who cares for him so deeply."

"I do. I can't imagine…I don't want to imagine my life without him. I just want him to believe how good and pure and wonderful he is, because he is, Maggie. He's got the kindest most selfless heart." I say my voice getting thick with emotion.

"Do you love him, Bella?" She asks.

"Yes, I do, but more importantly I'm his friend. I'm someone he can count on and trust. No matter what, I never want that to change."

"Good. Do what you need to do. Let me know when you plan to do this so I can be available if either of you needs to talk to me."

"Thanks, Maggie. I wouldn't have the guts to try this without your input," I say giving her a hug.

Now the hard part is going to be telling Edward I'm going to my dad's, without him.

A/N

Any theories on what Bella has planned?

Do you think Jake is gone for good?

Yes, I went to the Golden Globes. I was in the bleachers on the red carpet. I got some good photos. And yes, some of them were of Rob!

Thanks so much for your ongoing words of encouragement. I must write this weekend. Only three more prewritten chapters left :/