A/N: Previously... on this fic, there was fluff and there's still fluff!
anonymous: God, I hope I'm not actually ruining your potential love life. Nah, I'm sure I'm not. You'll find your Spencer or your Emily! :D LaughLoveLiveXx: yeah, it's the little things. I enjoy trying to find and write all those little things! ;) IxHeartxGlee: well, there's no way I won't express my appreciation in return, because I know sometimes, when we read, we get lazy to say what we thought, but you never do, so thanks again! Maxi-Luca: it wasn't shitty, I just had this big doubt because I don't want to overuse the "I love you" words, and I thought maybe you just didn't like them there! Waiting for your next chapter... elmopll: I'm so glad to read you're still there! Thanks for leaving some words! Oh, and we'll see more of Hanna next chapter... but her spirit continues to fly over this one xDDD boomer84: both sentences were in chapter 17! And that was exactly the reason why I wrote them again, to reinforce the idea. Dialogues... I have fun writing them. I tend to write too many, but the characters just seem to have a life of their own when I write them talking! BeccSon: I do plan to keep writing until the end... Btw, the "you can never have too much sex" made me laugh! I must agree, but writing it is VERY tricky. Thanks!
More A/N after the chapter...
Spencer achieved quite an elegant posture before crashing the water headfirst. Reflecting the sun and the trees, a few greenish crystal drops shone in the air for a moment before falling down on the blanket of water again. She'd run a little to take impulse in the moment of take-off, gaining height and speed while her feet and her hands aligned all the length of her body in order to reduce the amount of water splashing when she made contact with the lake. She looked like an arrow, suspended in the air before entering the water and submerging under it until she resurfaced seconds after the impact, rubbing her eyes and then opening them wide, slightly disoriented after the splash and the subsequent speedy dive.
She looked around for Emily, who was already swimming away.
A hoot made Spencer turn, the sound calling out for her attention, a reference to Emily's position in the water.
"I'm impressed!", Emily shouted, in case Spencer hadn't heard her hoot at her jump. "What else can you do?"
Spencer shot a bright smile and started to swim in her direction.
"I can do everything."
"Show-off."
Spencer swam faster towards her, frog style, and Emily waited expectantly, holding herself in the water.
"I used to practice my headfirst dive every summer", Spencer explained while she stroke, "and that's why I'm still good."
Emily waited until Spencer was already close enough to shoot her a daring smile.
"Well, can you swim fast enough?"
She knew how much Spencer loved any kind of competition, so Emily started crawling away at a moderate speed. She could be pretty fast, but she decided to give Spencer a chance to catch up to her. However, lacking references as to where they were in the lake, she stopped after some crawls and turned around only to find Spencer trying to keep up with her rhythm, still too far away. Apparently, even a moderate speed was too much in this case, which somehow surprised her, because Spencer was such a sporty person Emily kind of expected it'd be more difficult to beat her. Either Emily was really good or Spencer wasn't that fast. But it wasn't the first time they engaged in a friendly swimming competition, although it was the first time in the lake, and Emily didn't remember having such an easy advantage the last times; maybe Spencer was just too tired today, or hadn't exercised enough during the summer. Either way, Emily contemplated Spencer making the effort to reach her: she found Spencer's human weaknesses all too amazing and endearing at the same time, it was always a temptation to just stare at her before she had a chance to tell her how super-cute she was when she thought she was just losing a game.
Spencer slowed down, breathlessly approaching Emily once she realized the race was over.
"I can't swim that fast", she complained, slightly embarrassed. "I've never been that good at swimming."
Emily waited for her, tending a hand.
"You don't have to be the best at everything, you know."
Spencer smirked at the comment. She surely knew Emily didn't expect her to be perfect. Emily was probably the only person who didn't expect her to be anything but herself. Still, she wanted to be as good as she could, especially at the sport her girlfriend starred in.
"I don't?", Spencer teased, feigning surprise.
It came now: the chance to tell her.
"You look super cute when you're just doing your best instead of being the best."
"Cute?" Spencer stopped, still distant, and raised a suspicious brow. "I thought I was a sexy bitch."
Emily smiled at the words.
"You're a sexy bitch when you win", Emily explained, "but you're cute when you lose."
"I'm only cute when I lose to you ", Spencer replied, swimming again in Emily's direction. "If not, I'm just sexy-bitchier."
She laughed, because it was true. She could get really frustrated after losing.
"Then I'll just participate in every competition", Emily smirked, "so you get to be cute in all of them."
Spencer actually liked the idea.
Wouldn't that be totally sweet? And reassuring? And probably a way to just forget about everything, including winning? Because, to be honest, if Emily participated in every competition she'd most probably be thinking about something entirely different the whole time.
"You know, accepting such a soothing truth, that I can actually lose and be cute about it, would automatically destroy my life", Spencer continued in sarcastic fashion, "and I'd vanish into the air like smoke. Bye bye, Spencer Hastings. Hello, Smokey Hastings. We don't know who you are."
A part of her already smelled like Smokey Hastings. The part of her who wouldn't care anymore about pleasing her parents and Melissa was already Smokey.
Emily giggled at the name, thinking of Smoking Hot Hastings instead, and Spencer tended her hand too, grabbing Emily's in order to be driven towards her in the water, until she wrapped her arms around Emily's neck, bending her body and placing her soles on Emily's thighs.
"I know who you are", Emily said after kissing Spencer's cheek in a greeting of water, "and you're good enough even without trying."
Even though they were supposedly talking about swimming, Emily meant it as a general truth about Spencer.
And Spencer understood, warmth flooding over her whole body with the embrace. Because, if she was Smokey right now, it was mainly because Emily was here, telling her she rocked the world and her nose was perfect and she looked cute when she was a breathless loser. Super cute. Which probably translated as adorable, because there was only one super-cute person in the world, and that was Emily.
But she picked up on the swimming cue.
"You just saw I'm not very fast."
"I'm pretty sure you could be if you tried", Emily said, picking up on that too while she held her on the water, "although you'd probably have to quit some other sport you're already playing."
"There's only one sport I'm not quitting."
The words sounded naughty into Emily's ear, exactly as they'd been intended and voiced in a sultry whisper.
Then Spencer separated her face a little to look at Emily again.
"So you actually want me to swim? You don't know what you're saying. You know what happens to me when I get obsessed."
Emily chuckled at that. Yes, she did know what happened when Spencer obsessed over something new.
"Are you gonna join the swim team and steal my captain position?"
Spencer furrowed her brows.
"Never", she replied, moving her head in denial, as if that was not only utterly impossible but plain immoral as well. "Unless you want me with you in the team, as a swimming escort."
A swimming escort. That was interesting.
"You'd try then?"
"I would certainly try very hard to swim-escort you everywhere."
Emily laughed again as Spencer planted a humid kiss on her humid nose.
"And stop watching you play field hockey and tennis and win debates and practice chess and what else you're doing next year?", Emily joked back, trying to avoid the feeling that next year started in some days. "Never."
"Ballroom dancing."
Emily looked surprised.
"Seriously?"
"I'm a pretty good dancer."
Emily knew that. But choosing ballroom dancing as an extracurricular activity seemed… well, it seemed weird enough to be something Spencer would do, actually.
"I know you are", Emily admitted, still surprised. "So you're gonna dance around with some guy?"
Spencer chuckled at Emily's look of curiosity, where a slight trace of jealousy was hidden behind a stronger, intense tinge of interest and attraction.
"Why, wanna join me there?"
"Unfortunately, I have to swim, like, all the time."
She wasn't sure if looking at Spencer dance a weird dance around a room would qualify as sexy or as annoying. Sexy was winning in her head, right now. She'd seen Spencer dance a couple of times, in different parties, and it was definitely… something to memorize and cherish. But annoying would do too if there was a cute guy dancing with her, or if the music was creepy or screechy or plain boring.
She wished she could join her, though, and so she pouted a little.
She was a good dancer herself. Maybe not as good as Spencer, but she enjoyed it, although she liked dancing to other styles of music… like dance music, which was named that way for a reason .
"I can drop the dancing for the swimming."
Spencer's reply sounded husky, because she was enjoying the soft, subtle expressions she was catching on Emily's face. And anyway she hadn't decided yet. She'd probably drop the dancing to focus on more important things. It was senior year, after all.
If Emily asked her, she'd start to swim in a heartbeat. Senior year or not.
"I'd do it for you", Spencer continued, playing with Emily's wet hair, "you know."
"You'd do anything for me."
Emily's words sounded both playful and confident, causing Spencer to shoot back a meaningful glance, a somehow solemn mix of wonder and acceptance. Sometimes it amazed her how easy it was for Emily to tease about things she must have read on her mind.
Because she must have read this on her mind.
"Yeah", she voiced her acceptance as her gaze became accordingly intense to the words. "That's exactly my take on it."
Emily returned the gaze, her dark eyes twinkling and sparkling at the connection of ideas between the two of them.
"Join the team then. We'll swim-escort each other."
"You're not made to swim-escort anyone, I'm offended by the idea", Spencer fake-scolded her. Emily was the star of the swim team. "And anyway I'm not good enough yet, so you'd have to offer me private lessons to get better."
Her voice sounded a little whiny now, although the idea of private swimming lessons made her heart flutter for some reason. Probably because the dirtiest, naughtiest part of her wasn't really thinking about swimming after all.
"Are you sure you wouldn't do it just to keep an eye on the other swimmers?"
Spencer seemed both surprised and innocent at Emily's playful joke about her, let's say, protective instincts.
That front had been really quiet ever since they started dating and Spencer tried to imply she didn't like the idea of Emily training alone in the pool while Paige McCullers was there too, as if that actually posed a danger to Emily's life (sure), but Emily convinced her the idea was absurd and she had to retract and let it go. Of course, the summer had kind of quieted the whole thing down even more, since Paige had been away most of the time.
"Sure, that'd be my hidden agenda", Spencer said, flowing with the joke, "watching all those naked swimmers in the team who're always gonna try their luck to sleep with you."
She flowed with the joke, but she also searched intensely for Emily's eyes now.
She wasn't really worried about those swimmers. Or about a particular one of them. But, on the other hand, every passing day she was more certain that anyone would want to try their luck to sleep with Emily. Probably that overwhelming, exaggerated certainty had to be related to the fact that she was in love as well as to the even more important fact that she was the one actually sleeping with her, and wasn't going to give up that privilege or pass it to anyone else, but there had to be some objectivity to it as well. Of this she was sure.
It was the pure objectivity of looking at Emily, really.
"Watching naked swimmers, that's your agenda?", Emily played along, gracefully avoiding the mention of any names while at the same time keeping the tease alive. "There are always a lot of naked people chasing after me, so you're gonna have lots of work to do if you really wanna escort me around the pool."
"I know", Spencer softly agreed, not afraid at all. She might not be a great swimmer, but she owned this game. "I'll always have a lot of barking and peeing around to do to keep Hanna and Aria happy."
The way Spencer redirected the joke towards Hanna and Aria made Emily laugh again.
They slowly rotated around an imaginary axis, floating together aimlessly on the water.
"So that means I can ask you anything?", Emily asked, changing the topic but not the tone.
"Anything."
"That's a lot of power to give to just one person."
"I don't care", Spencer replied happily. "I think it's already too late to reconsider."
Emily giggled, because she knew it was already too late. She so had that power in her hands.
She allowed Spencer to hold her body now so she could let her back float on the water, wetting her long dark hair again.
"Now I have to think about what to do with all that power."
She gently disentangled from Spencer's arms and swam away, backstroking softly.
Instead of approaching her again, Spencer held her place and shot her a cutting glance.
"You should know, when it comes to sex, I'm open to anything except a threesome."
That answer was unexpected and, as a result, it made Emily explode in laughter and splash the water at Spencer, who turned around and ducked her head to seek refuge from the water attack.
"Too bad", Emily shouted, laughing. "You just destroyed my number one sexual fantasy."
She tried to look let down, but she was still laughing too hard.
"Sorry", Spencer shrugged, hardly choking back her own laughter. "I'm not sharing. Other than that you can ask anything."
This time she did swim in Emily's direction, approaching her again.
"Okay, no threesome. Let me get over that", Emily said as if it was a huge disappointment, achieving some seriousness in the delivery. "And over the fact that you're already restricting the meaning of anything ." She backstroked away a little more, forcing Spencer to chase her. "I knew it couldn't be that good."
"Anything between the two of us", Spencer clarified, always looking for logical consistence, "isn't that restrictive."
A sly smile appeared on Emily's lips and slowly changed her expression.
"What are you thinking?", Spencer asked, her eyes burning with curiosity.
"Wouldn't you wanna know?"
"I do wanna know, actually", Spencer demanded. "That's the whole point of this conversation."
"Oh, is it?"
"You name it."
Emily stopped swimming around to shoot a mocking, yet direct look at Spencer.
"Nana's couch."
She enjoyed the way Spencer froze in confusion for a millisecond before realizing it was still a joke.
"No way."
"So many unfulfilled promises…"
The splash of water was now directed at Emily's face, and she shut her eyes to resist it.
"You can't seriously propose that couch", Spencer feigned indignation, although a part of her was considering the possibility that Emily might actually be proposing it. "You are wicked if you do."
"It's just a couch, Spencer, it's not like there's a person lying on it."
"C'mon!"
Emily laughed really hard at Spencer now.
"No?"
"Em!"
"Liar."
Spencer jumped in the water to force a more physical attack, so Emily had to be quick to move before being reached. The whole joke ended up with Spencer landing on the water instead of on Emily's body, and she submerged again to try her luck at poking Emily's ribs or legs even though her eyes were closed under water.
She didn't succeed though, her hands hardly brushing Emily's soft skin with the tip of her fingers. If she could open her eyes, the story would be so different and Emily would be so ducked and defeated. But the lake wasn't the pool, and she didn't dare risking an eye infection.
Her head re-emerged on the surface, hair soaking wet again, reflecting a darker shade of brown.
"You're too restrictive", Emily shouted the moment Spencer reappeared. "You should shut up and not say the word anything, you know."
"And you know you're just saying that to pick on me."
She tried jumping at her again, this time less aggressively so she wouldn't end up under water.
"I am", Emily acknowledged, slightly moving this time not to get caught. "But I'm also testing you to see if you're really committed to this relationship."
Spencer stared at her and blinked, her expression changing from fierce to contemplative.
"If you really need to have sex there", she finally said, a determined, yet calm expression on her face, "I will. Worst part is I'll probably like it just as much as everywhere else."
After saying those words, she shrugged it off and swam around again, smiling at Emily's reaction.
Ironically, she was feeling like a shark, swimming in circles around a prey.
"You're kidding!"
Emily had gaped at the accepting words, clearly expecting a different answer.
"I said I'd do anything", Spencer answered, feeling confident and firm, "and I plan to stick to my words."
Emily did swim straight in her direction, facing Spencer instead of swimming away from her.
She wrapped her arms around Spencer's neck now.
"Wow", she admired, and then breathed deeply. "Okay."
Spencer played her best poker face, waiting to see how the tease would end.
And, right now, it started to end in a kiss, because their lips connected.
They both embraced each other while they were kissing, and Emily wrapped her legs around Spencer's body too, letting her carry the light, floating weight. Then, breaking the kiss, she looked into Spencer's eyes, searching for the hazel shade.
It was there. As every time the sun was hitting her face.
Emily's slyness faded away into pure fondness as she observed Spencer trying to hold her position on the water with her arms, making an effort not to give in and kiss her again.
"I don't wanna share either", Emily murmured softly, her eyes not leaving Spencer's eyes, "or do it in your nana's couch."
Spencer held Emily's soft, warm gaze.
"I'm glad we're on the same page."
"We are."
"I didn't expect less." She softly allowed her left hand to run across Emily's thigh under water, risking the possibility of sinking down. "What's your number one sexual fantasy then?"
"The one I'm pretty much fulfilling today."
Emily looked away after answering, a sudden, unexpected blush covering her cheeks like it hadn't happened to her in ages, and Spencer's lips twitched up in a cocky smile at the realization. Emily was always so cute whenever her nose and her cheeks darkened in embarrassment.
"You're blushing", Spencer said aloud, her voice trembling in pleasure. Then she decided to ask for details about the one fantasy they were fulfilling today. "Which one exactly?"
There were a few things on her mind and she wasn't sure which one was the one .
Emily looked right back at her.
"All of them."
And the ones yet to come. There was still day to enjoy. There was still road to go.
She wrapped herself more tightly around Spencer's waist as she leaned in for a series of slow, tender kisses which intermingled with brief, intense glances between the two of them. She could feel Spencer getting tired of holding the position in the water, trying to keep them afloat and touch her at the same time. She could perceive the slight hitch of Spencer's breathing against her face while they kissed. Was sex in the lake a part of the fantasy? Not really. It seemed uncomfortable and dirty. They'd probably sink down and swallow water and mud. Yikes.
Disentangling her legs to release the pressure, even though they were in the water, where the gravity of their bodies didn't impose so much, Emily grabbed Spencer's ass, pulling her closer and shifting the weights before continuing the kiss. In between moves and kisses, she could feel, with her fingers and her lips, the goosebumps reappearing on Spencer's skin. They were probably a consequence of the water already cooling down at the end of the summer and of the afternoon starting to fall on them, along with the shadows projected by the tops of the trees. Perhaps, only perhaps they were a consequence of Spencer's acute sensitivity to her touch under water. Perhaps she was Spencer's fantasy. Perhaps that was all that could be said.
Talk about fantasies.
Wondering about the reason for the changes in Spencer's skin was already a sexual fantasy in itself. At least for her, it was. She didn't have such an elaborated ideal about sex. She just enjoyed having time for it and feeling bold enough to do anything she felt she could do, as long as it was received well on the other end. Apparently, that was exactly the case. All the time . And that was definitely a plus in terms of any sexual fantasy she could ever have and execute. She was boring in that sense. Nothing fancy, nothing complex. No gymnastics, no public sexual displays (excluding that restroom, but she was so desperate after the three days of no-kissing policy), no need to search the web or google strange words or dress in costumes. Just them: she would become restless when they were alone. She just needed Spencer in the room, and that was all.
Just put them in a bed, in a restroom, in a car or inside of a lake. Just throw them a couch.
They would both let go.
They trusted each other more than anyone else in the world. At least, she did.
After receiving a long series of kisses on her neck, the sense of goosebumps on Spencer's skin and on her own finally made Emily decide on getting out of the water. She didn't want any of them catching an end-of-summer cold. And things between them were heating up at the same rate that the water and the air cooled down on their wet bodies.
"Let's get out and take a shower."
She dragged Spencer, taking her by the wrist, and they both started to swim back to the shore. She was leading the swim and it surprised her when Spencer swam from behind and stopped her, holding her by the waist like a fish feeding off and riding on another fish.
"Is the shower a part of the fantasy?"
Emily turned a little, feeling her body tightly held, Spencer's breathing on her neck. She hadn't really thought of it, at least right now, but you could never reject a chance like that. Throw them in a shower too. It'd still be the same. It'd still be them.
"You're getting cold", Emily replied instead. Spencer looked into her eyes, searching for something, and Emily wondered what it was. "Let's go."
They slowly swam back to the shore, and Spencer slowed down to let Emily walk out first. When it was her who reached the shore, a few steps behind Emily, she crouched down, determined on carrying out the ultimate ideal joke. She hadn't been able to jump on Emily on the water, because Emily would always be faster and smarter there, in her liquid habitat; but the soil was a different territory, more suited and adjusted to her teasing skills. Her hands grabbed the mud covering the shore and, as soon as they were full with it, her agile, long legs started running as fast as they could towards Emily, who turned around in utter surprise. Emily screamed when it was already too late, mud starting to cover her face and her shoulders, and they both struggled and fell on the ground, hands and legs getting in the way while Spencer fiercely fought her battle, laughing savagely at Emily's screams.
"Not the hair!", Emily pleaded, breathing sharply while she tried to stop the unstoppable. "Spencer!"
The battle decreased in intensity when Spencer, who had finally landed on top (where else?), reached that final purpose of mud-bathing Emily's perfect, beautiful hair.
Emily stopped fighting, trying to recover her breathing.
"Not the hair", she repeated when it was already done, Spencer's dirty hands massaging Emily's mud-covered hair. "You animal. You beast."
Spencer breathed sharply and almost coughed while laughing.
"Me sexy beast."
"You sexy bitch."
They looked into each other's eyes, all meanings uncovered, unearthed under the muddy hands.
"The hair's the most important part", Spencer explained.
"Now I'll have to spend hours in the shower."
"I'll wash it", Spencer offered, actually finding the idea very appealing. "It just had to be done."
Her fingers slowed down and stopped, the ritual of kindergarten courtship already performed.
Now she could say she'd created a perfect, ideal past for their love.
Emily was lying on her back, where there was no more mud, only sand and gravel and weeds. She slightly moved, uncomfortable with Spencer's weight because a small stone was sticking on her side. She took out the stone with her left hand, arching her back a little, and touched the dry soil on which she was lying. She understood the ritual. The ritual required her to retaliate. Thus, when Spencer finally leaned down to kiss her, a seal to the ideal courtship, Emily parted her lips to kiss back, fooling her, because what she actually did was lift her hand full of sand to let it fall on Spencer's hair and face, reigniting the fight. She gently but firmly slapped Spencer's face, rubbing her in sand and weeds, as she struggled her own way on top and, soon enough, they rolled over, since Spencer wasn't really fighting that hard anymore, now that her main objective had been attained and Emily was indeed marked by her lover's mud.
They both breathed heavily at the new explosion of energy.
"I thought you didn't throw mud at the girls you liked", Spencer uttered breathlessly.
She spit out some sand that had landed on her mouth, and Emily smiled at their condition, releasing the force on Spencer's arms. They looked terrible: wet and smeared in dirt, only covered by a bikini which also looked like hell, and that in her case was almost falling.
Emily straightened her back to tighten the bikini lace on her neck and her back.
If she had a pervy mind, which apparently she did, because she was thinking of this, she'd say they looked like a girls-in-mud kind of porn fantasy. Thankfully there were no neighbours who could see this. It was a disgrace.
"Are you eating sand now?", she asked Spencer, who was still spitting out sand with the tip of her tongue.
"Yeah."
"Sorry."
Emily tried to use one of her hands, the least dirty one, to clean the surroundings of Spencer's mouth, but it didn't really work. She just managed to expand some of her own mud on Spencer's face.
They both burst out in a silly, crazy giggle that lasted for a while.
"Choking sand down someone's throat is the new I-have-a-crush-on-you Fields-style."
"You forced me to do it", Emily defended herself, trying to stop laughing. "I used to have a completely different method."
Spencer sent her a curious look.
"What was your method in kindergarten? You never told me."
"I don't remember. Drooling?"
"So you basically just sat there and drooled until you started kissing straight girls?"
A meaningful, yet cautious smile showed on Emily's face.
"Yeah, I probably did that until I taught myself my powers of gay-conversion."
Spencer offered a twisted smile at this new revival of Hanna's jokes.
"You did learn those pretty well."
"I did, huh?"
"Although you've been kissed too, right?"
Yes. Both Maya and Paige had kissed her. Samara too.
"My powers only work with straight girls."
"Right, they can't convert someone who's already gay."
"I'm a gay vampire."
"You suck the straightness out of a girl's body."
Emily laughed at the rapid exchange, but had to lean down and seal her part of the courtship with another kiss, despite the sand and the mud on both their faces. But Spencer didn't seem to care. It was her ritual of courtship, after all. She'd better take it, because she was having it.
The kiss was sweet and careful, and it broke when Emily got sand in her mouth too.
"You're a bully", Emily repeated softly.
"But now you know for sure that I like you", Spencer smirked, "ever since we were little."
Emily giggled again, stretching to lie on the ground too. Their legs entwined while Emily observed Spencer's hair, which was dirty but rapidly curling and waving as it dried.
She received another searching, wondering look from Spencer.
The sun was losing its force.
The breeze was making them shiver a little, brushing their wet skin. Goosebumps had now conquered the totality of their bodies.
But she decided to ask.
"What's on your mind now?"
Spencer seemed surprised at the question. But then she stared into Emily's eyes.
"Do you ever wonder if you'd be like this with someone else?", she asked, squinting her eyes even though the sun wasn't touching her face. "Or do you think we'd be different?"
"If I'd be like what? Muddy and dirty?"
Spencer chuckled a little at the joke, but her expression grew serious.
"No, I mean like this. Like you're with me now, today."
Now, today.
Spencer also felt it. Emily wondered if it was her fantasy too. It probably was.
"I couldn't be like this with anyone else."
Okay, she hadn't managed much clarity. She just purely repeated the question in an unquestioning way.
"Not even with Alison? Or with Maya?"
Emily frowned, remembering Spencer's mention of her kissing-straight-girls courting style. Was Alison's ghost still haunting them? Besides all the haunting they endured already when it came to A and Alison's murder?
She had kissed Alison.
She hadn't converted Alison.
It was all a silly joke. You didn't convert people. You just fell in love with them, crushed on them, whatever; sometimes you even had the guts to kiss them. And, if you were lucky, you were kissed, even loved in return. And, if you were luckier, you fell deeper in love after being loved in return, until you reached some other state, which might not even have a name.
The state they were now, even though they looked like two girls in a porn movie.
"How could I possibly be the same with Ali? She didn't want me back", Emily answered, reminding Spencer of that particular truth. "As for Maya, it'd just be different. I'd be different. Like you'd be different if you were with someone else."
"Yeah", Spencer answered thoughtfully, "I guess."
"You're not sure?", Emily asked, suddenly concerned. "Would you be the same with Toby or with Wren?"
The mention of the British doctor made her feel uncomfortable and annoyed, the image of Spencer kissing him in the lake or running after him with mud in her hands blurring her mind for an instant before she shut it down. But she felt obliged to mention two names too and those were the first two that came to her mind.
Spencer lifted her dirty hand to Emily's face, but seemed hesitant to touch because of how dirty it was.
"No."
Her gaze was warm and limpid, the kind of which she only allowed Emily to see. Thus Emily, once again as if she could read whatever was on her mind, although she sometimes couldn't, took her dirty hand in hers.
"That's what I mean."
"I've never felt this way. I mean, obviously."
She couldn't have felt this way before because she'd never been so deep into a relationship before. It made sense. But still.
Emily didn't answer, and they stayed in silence for a long moment, examining each other.
"You know me better than anyone", Emily finally said, the firm sound of her words surprising Spencer. "Do you still doubt that?"
"No."
Spencer didn't doubt it anymore. She knew things no one could know. She had things no one could have.
She offered things no one else could offer.
"I know you better than anyone", she repeated Emily's words, "and you're… too good."
Emily sweetly smiled, making space to kiss Spencer's muddy shoulder.
"I'm not too good, Spencer."
"You are, and you know", Spencer tried to clarify her idea. "You're too good and too kind. And you're intelligent too, so you know you are too good and too kind. But other people aren't like that and you don't mind. You'll always give chances, you'll always listen to whatever they wanna say."
Emily frowned in confusion.
"I don't mind?", she asked, although she didn't know where to start asking.
"People will always take advantage of that, or they'll try", Spencer argued her point. "I've done it too. We all do. And you know . But you're still like that."
"Like what?", Emily insisted. "Too good? A saint? An alien from outer space? I'm nothing like that."
Spencer seemed annoyed at her own lack of clarity.
"You're not a saint. You're just…"
"Too good?", Emily repeated, now with slight sarcasm.
"Yeah", Spencer confirmed, rolling her eyes. "Good people aren't stupid, they know what they do and why. You're that person. And I'm the other person who knows that and who'll always try to shield you from the ones who try to take advantage."
Protection.
Emily sighed. Here they were, after these last days of sore feelings, after this perfect day of silly, lustful, crazy love. Back to the point they discussed when they fought: protection.
She knew it was important for Spencer to protect her. It was more than important. It was in her nature. And Emily was protective too. She wanted to protect Spencer too.
She wanted to be an equal in protection, but maybe it was impossible, after all.
She leaned against Spencer's body, embracing her with her arm until her right hand touched her back and lifted it to her. It was amazing how light her body felt sometimes. How Spencer could be an animal, a sexy beast, a bitch, an adorable bully, but also a fragile leaf in her hands.
They were breath to breath, mud to mud now.
"You're not only my shield", Emily murmured. "You're better than you think you are, and I'm crazy about you."
Spencer gave her a small, knowing smile.
"I didn't say you weren't." By this time she knew Emily was crazy about her. She owned the game. But that wasn't what she meant. "We're both better if we're together. You make me better."
Emily laughed at the strange conversation.
"I don't even know what we're talking about."
Spencer smiled too, agreeing. Sometimes she had too many thoughts running on her mind and they all came racing to her mouth at the same time. Those were the moments when she lost perspective and precision of vocabulary, when too many emotions and ideas condensed on the tip of her tongue, wanting to explode in so many directions, pointing at so many different things, being together, being better or simply good, even too good for this world, or at least for the world as it was in Rosewood, being a shield and a parachute as a way to become a better person, but feeling guilty about doing it the wrong way, feeling guilty but not really, because she just needed to feel she was doing it right (and Emily had the HGH copies now); being afraid there might have been a chance to not be together, the same way they weren't together for a long time and she didn't even realize that she wanted it, because the mud on her hands couldn't change that and she didn't believe in fate, because the idea of fate wasn't supported by any scientific evidence. And if they weren't together, she wouldn't be good enough and Emily wouldn't be shielded against all those people who would just try to approach her with shady intentions, shady intentions Emily would always try to understand, because she had a kind, understanding, enlightening heart; the same way she had a kind, understanding, enlightening heart with Spencer.
In truth, she just wanted to say that they had to be together, even though sometimes the fact that they were together still struck her as a surprise.
She guessed she'd been thinking a lot after their fight over Wren.
"It's happening again. I drive myself crazy when I think too much."
Emily shot her the warmest glance, and looked down at her muddy bikini and body.
"You haven't really thought that much today."
"No."
"We look like porn movie stars talking about saints and aliens and protective shields."
"And gay vampires."
An outburst of laughter took over Spencer's body when she visualized the complex image, and Emily laughed too.
But she was keeping an eye on her, the same way she always did when Spencer started talking nonsense.
The outburst of laughter faded out and transformed into an understanding gaze shared between the two of them.
"Spencer, I'd do anything for you too", Emily whispered. "Anything."
Unrestricted, unlimited anything.
Everything.
She kissed her dirty crooked nose.
"And, right now", Emily said, propping herself on the palms of her hands to stand up, "that includes taking us inside. It's getting really cold out here."
She offered a hand to Spencer, who was already sitting up on the ground.
"I guess you're taking us to the shower", Spencer said, a smirk on her face.
"Whatever you want, Smokey."
Emily pushed Spencer on the back to make her walk.
"Is that my new pet name?"
"I'll call you Smokey Legs."
They laughed again as they walked into the dark, cosy warmth of the cabin, dripping dirt along the way. They had a lot to clean before they left.
But first things came first.
They took a long shower together. First time it happened, actually. They washed each other's hair. They tripped a couple of times, almost falling. They had sex. It was an interesting new experience in the shower, somewhat dangerous because of the tripping, so they took it back to the bedroom. They came together. First time too. That was definitely a more than interesting experience that left them almost speechless because they hadn't been doing anything fancy, anything complex. Just them. Give them a bed and new things kept happening.
They went to the kitchen and cooked spaghetti to eat as an early dinner or a very late lunch. While they cooked, they talked about different things; they teased and played, and the vegetables burned a little when they spent too much time invested in kissing.
Now, today.
It was a whole day dedicated only to them. They had time on their hands, time to make out and have sex and talk and tease and play, along with some breaks for drinking and eating.
They ate.
They cleaned the cabin, picking up the sheets, sweeping the floor, cleaning the kitchen and the bathroom and everything they'd used.
The day was ending.
It was time to go home. Cinderella time. Glass heeled shoes time. Pumpkin carriage time.
Emily was staring out of the window, looking at the darkening clouds in the horizon, the sun already hiding. Red, yellow and blue mixed and fought in the sky. After all, no storms had come. Whatever was coming, it would come later. But the day was ending anyway.
She had a melancholic feeling, the kind of sadness that you feel when the summer, which seemed endless at the beginning, is running away, dangerously slipping away from your hands and you're regretting the times you thought it was boring and endless and you could stretch it forever. She felt lazier than ever. She felt sad, because there was no way to slow things down now, even though things used to be so slow just some weeks ago.
Spencer approached her and leaned against the window too, looking at her.
"Ready?"
Emily nodded, but her eyes gave her away and Spencer got closer.
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing. I'd just love to stay longer."
"Me too", Spencer agreed. "If you hadn't gotten so mad at me, we could've spent the whole weekend here."
She prayed she hadn't put a foot on her mouth after making that sound as a reproach.
Emily did frown a little, but let it pass.
"We'll come back", Spencer insisted, taking Emily's hand. "Sex under the blankets."
Emily smiled at Spencer's funny way of cheering her up.
"Is that all you ever think about?"
"Look who's talking."
A slight mischief showed in Emily's features, but she was too sad about both the day and the summer ending; it felt as if they were ending at the same time.
"We'll be fine", Spencer insisted again, somehow guessing Emily's reasons. "It'll be a good year."
"What if it's not?"
"It's gonna be a good year, Em", Spencer assured. "We're together."
Yes, they were together. It was going to be a good year.
A/N 2: Title taken from "Crossfire", song by Brandon Flowers.