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Dogward/Brokenward/Virginward/Beachward/Preciousward

or as someone called him "Adorably Virginal"

Chapter 42

EPOV

I've never felt closer to anyone than I feel to Bella right now. She has given me more than I ever even imagined I would have, and that's not including the physical gratification. It's more about the intimacy, the special moments, the touches, kisses, looks. I'm a happy man right now cuddled up next to a sleeping Bella, the morning after.

Turns out accidental porn is a good thing. I would never choose to watch it with her in the room, I mean maybe someday, but not now. I'm getting off track. Anyway, watching it got me worked up and apparently her as well. It led to...a blow job. I'm giggling like a girl in my head just thinking about it.

It was amazing, incredible, better than I imagined. And I imagined a lot. I tried not to, but I am a guy, so ya. I imagined it. But it was so much better and it's because it was her. Her mouth, so warm and then so tight. I'm surprised I lasted as long as I did. 'Cause ya, awesome.

Reciprocating was as good, well, almost as good. Her taste, the way her body reacted to me, the sounds she made. Hmmmm. It was a good night.

Just thinking about it, her, makes me have to touch her, kiss her. I move her soft hair off her bare shoulder, and I place light kisses on her smooth skin. I see the goose bumps rise on her arm making me smile, knowing what I'm doing to her. I could start every day like this.

~MEB~

Everything is going perfectly until she utters those words, "I'm going to visit my dad." I knew it was coming sooner or later, but it still hit me hard. She's leaving. She's leaving me. She tried to make me feel better by leaving Buddy here, but I'd rather be with her. But it's good, it's good. I have a lot to take care of. Photography shoots I've postponed. Photo edits I've put off. I have my appointment with Maggie. I need to hire someone to work at the rescue. Yes, it's a good thing she's leaving. I'll get some things done.

I try not to let it, but her leaving has changed me a bit. I'm keeping her at a distance. I know I am, but I can't help it. I'm... messed up. She knows that. Maybe that's why she's leaving. To house hunt. I can imagine her dad is going to try and convince her to move there. I try to keep busy and keep my brain from over thinking.

Before taking her to the airport she so sweetly goes out of her way to thank Seth and Paul. They are only with me for a few more days and will be on to another job by the time she returns.

Paul helps her with her suitcase while I talk with Seth.

"You and Paul have been so great helping out here, even though it's not in your job description."

"It's been a pleasure working for you, Edward. Anytime you need anything, just call. I'll drop whatever job I'm working on," he says kindly.

"That's nice to hear, Seth, but I don't want to have any reason to need a bodyguard ever again."

"I understand," he nods. "Are you still looking for someone here at the rescue?"

"Yes. You and Paul have filled in, but it's time to train someone who will be here regularly."

"I told my sister I'd mention this," he starts nervously. "Leah, my sister, she's in Vet school and would love to work somewhere like this while she's finishing up her degree. She needs some practical training."

"Sure, I'll talk to her. Give her my number and tell her to call me." This could be good, I trust Seth. He did kill someone for me after all.

While finishing up with Seth, I glance towards Bella. She looks uncomfortable with whatever she and Paul are talking about. In a flash she's sitting in the car waiting for me, leaving Paul looking forlorn. Hmm, I'll have to find out later what that was about.

At the airport, she leaves me standing on the curb by the car. She just walks away, and doesn't look back. I take a deep breath. This is good. This is good.

~MEB~

While she's gone I try to get back into my old routine. I take the boys to the dog beach, it's boring. I try to start working out again, it hurts. I have a photo shoot or two, it's alright. I meet with the architect about the house plans and I go to my parents for Sunday dinner, it's fine, except something is missing. Someone is missing. Bella. I'm not the only one who notices. I catch everyone glancing at the empty chair at the table. They try to overcompensate by including me in every conversation and asking me a million questions. I know they mean well, but it makes it more difficult for me.

I clean up the dishes like I used to when I didn't have a significant other here. Mom and Dad join me in the kitchen.

"When is Bella due back?" My mom asks.

"Two days, Tuesday."

"I bet her dad is glad to see her," my dad adds.

I nod and keep drying the dishes. I'm sure her dad is convincing her to move there right now.

~MEB~

"How's it going with Bella out of town?" Maggie starts.

I shrug. "Okay."

"Really? You seem preoccupied today. When is she due back?"

"Tomorrow. I guess."

"Have you two talked?"

I nod. "Every day. She calls to check on Buddy."

"Do you honestly believe she's only calling to check on her dog?"

"I don't know. I guess not. I don't want to assume anything."

Maggie shakes her head. "You're pushing her away again."

"I'm not the one who left," I say defensively.

"She went to visit her dad. Do you think she had other motives for going?"

"I don't know. Maybe she's thinking of moving there. Maybe she's looking at houses."

"Did you ask her?"

I stay quiet, because no, I didn't ask her.

"Communication, Edward. You don't want to assume, yet you assume the worst. If she is considering moving wouldn't you want to know for sure or just stay here in limbo making assumptions?" She says more harshly than I ever heard her speak.

I look up surprised by her tone. Her voice softens when she speaks again.

"Edward, you've been doing so well. Don't let your recovery hinge on what someone else is or isn't doing. You and Bella can be in each other's lives in whatever way you decide. But regardless of that, you need to work on yourself. I know it's not easy, and you've been closed off for so long. Don't retreat into yourself when things get tough. Has talking to me or Bella ever been a bad thing?"

I shake my head.

"Not communicating, not talking about your feelings, about what you're going through is your vise. It's above all what you need to work on. That, and one other thing." She pauses. "You also need to forgive yourself."

I shake my head looking at my hands in my lap. 'Easier said than done' is what plays over in my mind.

"Edward, look at me," she insists.

I meet her calm, understanding gaze. "You will always hold back a part of yourself. You won't ever be all that you can be. The best person you can be. The best you can be in a relationship. Until you forgive yourself."

"How do I do that?" I ask my voice thick with emotion.

"I think you need to talk to your family about this. I want you to tell them how you felt growing up, how you feel now, the good and the bad. That will take some planning on your part, because you don't want to only focus on the negative. For every bad memory you have, I want you to pair it with a good one. I know you can do this, because you've only had good things to tell me about your sister and your parents."

I nod. Talking to my parents, my sister, about all of this. It's a lot.

"Will you just think about it? Try writing some stuff down. If you want to we can go over it next week."

"Okay, I'll try," I say.

"Good," she says clapping her hands together. "Same time next week and Bella is scheduled right after you."

I perk up at that, because she kept her appointment for next week. That's a good sign, right?

~MMB~

Back home I'm straightening up the apartment. The dogs and I really acted like messy bachelors while Bella's been gone.

I come back from a trip to the trash bin out back and am startled by Victoria standing in my living room. The dogs are circling her feet and barking wildly.

"Oh, Edward," she says giving me an all too friendly hug, practically tripping over Buddy in her rush to get to me.

"Victoria, what are you doing in here?" I say irritated.

"The door was open. I was calling your name. I thought you might be in the shower or something."

The dogs are still going crazy. "Boys, hush." I say without conviction. They don't calm down.

"Can you do something with them," she says waving her long red nails in their direction.

I don't want to talk with her, but I put the dogs in the bedroom, because I do want to hear what she has to say. Maybe she will talk about the sale of her property, which is in a quick sale right now.

"What do you want, Victoria?" I ask standing a good distance from her.

"I wanted to come by and say good bye. Some billionaire has paid a crazy amount of money for my property. We've moved out already. The conditions of the contract insisted that we move out immediately. Probably some eccentric man who wants to have it disinfected or something."

"That's nice for you. Where have you relocated?" Please say somewhere far from here.

"I found the perfect place inland a bit. You'll be glad to know that this changes things with the lawsuit. Sorry about that, no hard feelings I hope." She smiles and shimmies up close to me.

"I'm glad the lawsuit has been dropped," is all I say. I'm not letting her off the hook that easy.

"Come on, Eddie. Don't be mad at me," she pouts. "You know you could have made it go away months ago. All you had to do was spend some 'quality' time with me."

"I know, Victoria, but I told you I'm not interested. I don't do one night stands."

"We could have done it more than once," she says placing her hand on my chest and rubbing.

I shiver, but not in a good way. My hands fisting at my sides from her touch. I step back, but she mimics my movements.

"We're not doing this, Victoria. You need to go," I say trying to hold my ground.

"I can make you feel real good," she coos. Starting to unbutton her own blouse.

"Victoria, stop."

She doesn't.

"You need to stop. This is not going to happen. Throwing yourself at me clothed or naked is not going to change that," I say gesturing with my hands, hoping the movement will keep her at bay.

"Come on," she says reaching for the top of my pants.

"Victoria. I'm in love with someone else. I will not jeopardize that for anything, with anyone. Do you understand what I'm saying? I love someone else." I stop abruptly realizing what I just said...out loud. I love her. I love Bella. I do!

"Bella," I say like a prayer.

"I'm home," I hear loudly from behind me. Bella.

I turn just as she reaches me and pulls me into a surprisingly passionate kiss. My hands grab her and pull her closer like she's going to escape if I don't.

We break from our kiss, our foreheads connected as we calm our breathing.

"I missed you," she says.

I smile. "You have no idea how much I, we missed you."

"Where are the dogs?" she says looking around.

"They were going crazy when Victoria showed up."

At that we both turn to look at Victoria who is quickly buttoning her shirt. I think she finally realizes that this is not going to happen.

"Victoria, this is my Bella," I say hugging her closely to my side.

Victoria nods.

"Oh, Victoria are you here to tell Edward you're dropping the lawsuit. That is so wonderful."

"Um, well, kind of," she sputters. "I'm selling, so the lawsuit is gone."

"That's wonderful," Bella says way too enthusiastically. "So nice of you to stop by and let us know," she says ushering Victoria out the door. Before I can say anything the door is shut and locked and Bella is leaning against the door looking at me with a weird expression on her face. Am I in trouble?

A/N

I think only one of you guessed what she heard Edward say. Does she tell him she heard? Who's going to bring up the subject first? Did you get some answers?

Thanks so much for your ongoing support :) Next update on Friday!

I took some creative license with real estate matters. Gotta love fiction :)

Teaser today on Fictionators for Fridays update!