Beta'd by cejsmom and preread by Twi-mom12292005

Banner by AnaFluttersby

You all know who owns these characters. No copyright infringement intended.

Dogward/Brokenward/Virginward/Beachward/Preciousward/Insecureward

or as someone have called him "Adorably Virginal"

and Patientella

Chapter 47
BPOV

I'm so nervous, my hands are shaking, and I'm sweating. I call Maggie. She reminds me of what could or couldn't happen as a result of my plan. I'm still scared. I'm scared that my actions will make Edward withdraw from me, from us. I don't want that, but I know he needs to know, and I need to try to get him to understand.

I spread things out on the coffee table; the book that I want is conveniently on the top of the pile. He runs on the treadmill, walks past me all glistening with sweat, it is difficult for me to let him go and not chuck this whole idea and lick his abs instead. He showers, my mind travels to the gutter a few times while I know he's naked, wet and soapy. It's a welcomed distraction from my obsessive, anxious thoughts.

When he finally enters the living room, I'm as ready as I'll ever be. I try to be calm, act normal. I think I'm doing okay. I show him photos of me as a baby, a toddler, with my parents. I stop on a page of photos that were taken when I was about five or six, playing in our backyard. They were taken when life was good, easy. When nothing bad had ever happened to me yet. I've always wished I could go back to that time. The time of ignorant bliss.

I've gone over the words I would say to him a hundred times in my head. Of course I forget a few things I want to say, but I say most of it and hold my breath and wait.

When the realization of what I'm saying, what I'm alluding to hits. The look on his face, in his eyes, is heart breaking. I see anguish, confusion, pain. I just keep talking. I tell him about my childhood, what I went through. Though it's not nearly as tragic as his, my feelings and thoughts mirror his, on a smaller scale. I still had my dad, my home. My mom was still alive, though not present in my daily life. I remember the moment I was able to look back on my mom leaving us with new eyes. It was pivotal in my healing.

I want that moment for him. The moment he realizes that maybe it was just an accident. That no matter what he might have done, nothing could have changed it. Many people, especially children, don't understand that it's okay to feel sad, hurt, devastated after something like this, that it's a normal reaction. They feel like those feelings must mean they were wrong, or to blame, or could have done something differently. That is hard for adults to process, let alone a small child who's lost everything.

He tries to defend himself, I just keep talking. I tell him how good he is. I cry, he cries. We hold each other. I hurt for little Edward, for little Bella and for Edward now. But I don't hurt for who I am now. I'm in the best place I've ever been and this is me fighting for that, for the life I see. A life filled with love that I never thought was possible. A life that includes Edward, that revolves around him.

I straddle his lap and get as close to him as I possibly can. I whisper how much I love him. How he's made my life so much better. I kiss him, relish in his scent, I explore his mouth. My lips linger on his sharp jawline, his bobbing adams apple, the sprinkle of hair on his upper chest. I take him in, into my soul. I feel it; I hope he can feel it too. It's not sexual, it's deeper.

We sit wrapped in each other until my stomach growls, breaking the tension and making us laugh.

"Someone needs food," he says helping me stand on legs that have fallen asleep.

"It is lunch time," I defend. "Let's pack our lunch and take the kids to the beach."

"I have a better idea. Let's grab food at that deli on PCH and take the dogs down to Laguna, to my parents."

"We should call and see if your parents want anything," I suggest.

"Good idea. Go get your stuff together and I'll call them," he says reaching for his cell.

I pack a bikini, a sweatshirt, smash ball, and some toys and treats for the boys.

Edward joins me by the front door with a bag of stuff of his own. The drive to Laguna is pleasantly quiet. Both of us deep in thought. I'm dying to know what he's thinking. Is he processing? I want to mention the option of calling Maggie, but he seems to be doing okay.

Carlisle is at work, but Edward's mom meets us at the house for lunch. We eat deli sandwiches on the covered patio. Esme notices our innocent touches. I catch her watching us and smiling, but she doesn't say anything. I don't know if Edward notices.

"I saw the photo you gave Bella," Edward says out of nowhere. I freeze mid-bite, his mom looks like a deer in the headlights. "Bella said you have more stuff. I want to see it," he says surprising the hell out of both his mom and I. So much so, her only response is a nod. Inwardly, I'm giving a fist pump. This is big. He takes a deep breath, "I think it's time I deal with my past so I can move on." He smiles in my direction as he says it.

"Bella and I are going to take the dogs down to the water," Edward says after lunch is cleaned up.

"I'll get your box while you're gone," Esme offers.

"We'll be back in a while," he kisses his mom on the cheek and goes to change into his swim trunks, leaving Esme and I alone for a minute.

She looks at me raising a brow in question.

I shrug, "I'm as surprised as you," is all I say. What went on between Edward and I earlier today is not my story to tell.

We frolic on the beach, throwing balls, to two very wet, sandy dogs. When the dogs are spent and need a rest, we take the opportunity to go out into the ocean together.

"The water is perfect," I say, jumping over the small waves as we walk deeper in.

"It is," he says taking my hand to help me jump. His height is an advantage for him in the crashing surf. I'm still getting splashed in the face, even with his help. "Come here," he pulls me to him and lifts me onto his back. I wrap my legs around his waist and my arms loosely around his neck, my chin on his shoulder.

He smells of salt and sun and Edward. I taste his neck just under his ear and sigh in contentment. I can never be close enough to him, or get enough of him.

"What was that for?"

"That was a happy sound," I pause. "I'm really proud of you, Edward. Just when I think I've got you all figured out, you do something even more amazing."

"I haven't done anything."

"Listening to me, coming here, asking for your box. It's... I'm astounded by you."

"You make all of this so much easier, Bella. It's still hard, but with you here. I feel like I can do it, face it. Thank you."

"This is all you. I hope you know how much I admire your strength."

"Will you be with me when I go through the box?"

"Of course, anything. And if you need to talk to Maggie, she's available by phone today. She knew what I was doing and offered to have you call her if you needed to."

"I do need to talk this over with her, but my appointment is in a few days. I think I can wait."

Edward glances back at the beach where the dogs are and scowls, cursing under his breath; he turns and starts walking towards the shore. I'm still perched on his back.

As soon as we are turned in that direction, I see what is causing his change in mood. A skimpily dressed Tanya is standing at the water's edge looking at us.

He lowers me to the sand when the water is knee deep, grabbing my hand tightly and keeping me close to him. We walk towards her, our body language and connection very different than the last time we ran into her on this beach.

"Edward!" She hugs him tightly, he doesn't return the hug. His hand never leaves mine and his other hand is limp at his side.

"Tanya," he nods without smiling. She tries to grab his available hand, but he reacts quickly and wraps both hands around me pulling me closer into his side. "This is my girlfriend, Bella. Bella this is Tanya, a friend of the family."

"Hi, Tanya," I say flatly, plastering a fake smile on my face.

"Edward, we are more than just family friends," she teases smacking him on the chest. It's my turn to pull him closer to me.

"What do you want, Tanya?"

"Just making sure you are still coming to my parent's party?"

"I hadn't planned on it. I've been very busy, we've been very busy," he says giving me a smile.

"Oh, I was counting on you being there. It will be fun. Like old times," she flirts.

"Sorry Tanya. Give your parents my best. Shall we head up to the house?" He asks turning his attention from her.

I nod. "Sure." We gather our things and head to the house, the dogs jumping at our feet. Edward never even glances back at Tanya. About half way to the house I stop him and give him a very grateful, extended kiss. It leaves us both breathless and smiling. Seeing Tanya is the farthest thing from our thoughts, where I have no doubt she will stay.

~MEB~

Edward brings the dusty box into the apartment and sets it on the floor near the sofa. He tends to the dogs, we shower separately, have dinner, but there is no mention of the box. I catch him glancing at it a few times. It's kind of like the elephant in the room. I let him control the pace of this. It has been an emotional day, he might want to get a good night's sleep before plunging into another, what is sure to be, emotional situation.

We settle into the sofa, like we do many nights, except this time the remote sits untouched on the coffee table. We sit in silence. He breathes deeply a few times before he pushes the coffee table away, reaches for the box and sets it on the floor in front of us.

I rub circles on his back and give him an encouraging smile when he glances my way.

He nods swiftly before lifting the flaps on the recently opened box.

A/N

Bella's version of things. What do you think will be in the box?

Okay, we are winding down. Besides 'real sex,' what would you like to see happen with these two? I'm up for suggestions and ideas, to add to my own of course :)

Thanks for reading and supporting me.