Beta'd by cejsmom and preread by Twi-mom12292005

Banner by AnaFluttersby

You all know who owns these characters. No copyright infringement intended.

Dogward/Brokenward/Virginward/Beachward/Preciousward/Insecureward

or as someone have called him "Adorably Virginal"

and Patientella

Chapter 48
EPOV

What Bella told me about her past and how it relates to mine rolls around in my head all day. I want to go see my parents, my mom in particular. Her presence has always been a comfort to me, from the day I met her.

Spending time on the beach with Bella and the dogs is just what I need. It clears my head. Things are great until Tanya shows up. To be honest, seeing her only solidifies in my mind and my heart how much I want Bella. With my revelations comes strength, the strength to quickly and soundly dismiss Tanya. I have no regrets with this encounter. I walk away knowing that Bella knows she is more important, unlike last time.

We bring the box home. The box that holds my life before the accident. I don't know what's in there, except for photos. I watch the box, like it's going to come to life or something. I know that it will bother me and I won't be able to relax until I meet this head on and look inside. After dinner I'm resigned to just do it.

We sit on the sofa together, her soothing and supporting me, me mustering the guts to open it.

I lift the flap like it's a jack-in-the-box and something's about to pop out at me. Nothing does. But what is sitting on top makes me audibly gasp.

Bella's hand on my back stops and she grabs my arm with both of her hands. I can feel her eyeing me cautiously.

I gingerly reach in and take out the item. It's Teddy, my teddy bear. I carried him everywhere. He was always so dirty; his neck always ripping open, and my mom would have to repair it. I set look him over carefully. Except for the musty smell, he is exactly as I left him.

"This is Teddy. He was my bear, my friend. I didn't go anywhere without him. He was in the car with me during the accident. When I was pinned I couldn't reach him. He was retrieved by the firefighters and brought to me in the hospital. I wouldn't even touch him. He was stained and stinky from the smoke. He only reminded me of what I lost."

"He looks okay now," I note.

"Someone must have had him cleaned or something," I muse. Setting him on my lap I reach back into the box. I pull out a blanket, seeing it makes me smile. "This was my blanket. I always slept with it. We called it Softy," I say rubbing it between my fingers like I did as a child. I set it next to me on the sofa and keep digging in the box. Next is a shoe box, I peek inside and see there are loose photos, notes and a few envelopes. I close it and move on. At the bottom of the box are a few photo albums. I take them out and look at the writing on the front. One is of my parent's wedding, one says 'Baby's First Year,' and the others don't have a title. I sit back on the sofa and take a deep breath.

"Are you okay?"

I nod, "I'm okay. I'm glad to know what's in here. The suspense was killing me," I chuckle. "But I think I'm done for the night. We can look at the photos tomorrow. Is that okay with you?" I ask her.

"Whatever you want, honey. I'm here, whenever," she smiles and kisses my cheek.

"Can we go to bed early?" I ask. "I think I just want to hold you."

"I can't think of anywhere I'd rather be," she smiles, standing and holding her hand out to me.

I move Teddy off my lap and put him on the sofa before I stand. I take one step towards the bedroom stop and turn around. I hesitate then pick up Teddy and bring him with me. I know I should feel foolish or embarrassed, but I don't. I know Bella won't judge me or think less of me. Knowing that means everything to me.

~MEB~

After breakfast we sit down to look through some of the photos together. I start with my parent's wedding album. I know I probably saw them when I was little, but there is only one photo that I remember, because a copy of it was framed and on the wall in our entry room. I loved looking at that photo when mom was putting on my shoes. Looking at it now feels...weird.

At the end of the wedding album are a few photos of my parents on what must have been their honeymoon. They look so happy, like the world is at their fingertips. I'm glad they didn't know their lives were going to be cut short. From what I remember, they lived and loved life right up until the end.

I am mindlessly tracing my finger over a photo of the two of them in the countryside, looking exactly how I remember them. My mom smiled a lot, she would sing to me all of the time. Dad was gone all day, but when he got home, we were a family. We did everything together. We were happy. I did get myself into some trouble now and then. I laugh out loud just thinking about it.

"What?" Bella asks with a smile.

"I'm just remembering a time when I got into trouble with my cousins. We were having Sunday lunch at their house; our families did this on Sunday after church. We were playing hide and seek, I was the youngest and my older cousin, Peter, was always messing with me because I was littler. He showed me this great hiding place in an old tree at the edge of the property. He told me not to come out no matter who came looking for me. He told me he would come and get me when I won." I shake my head. "He told me little kids never won, and if I did this, he would think I was big like him. I wanted him to think I was big, so I didn't come out. I heard them all calling for me, but I didn't move. I was hungry, I had to pee and it got dark. I was so scared."

"How long were you in there?"

"Six hours or so. When my parents called the police, my cousin finally told them where I was. At first they were so happy to find me safe, and then I got in so much trouble, for not coming out when I heard them calling for me. I didn't rat out my cousin, but my parents knew he put me up to it. We didn't go over there every Sunday after that.

"What did his parents say?"

"Nothing. I remember something my uncle said about me being too small to play with the big kids, because I couldn't follow the rules. I think my parents were mad at my aunt and uncle," I pause, thinking. "You know, that might have been the last time I saw any of them before the accident."

"Horrible people," Bella mumbles under her breath.

I smile and pull her in close for a kiss. It makes me all warm inside when she gets protective. "You know, I felt good about it. I was scared and foolish, but I felt like I gained some respect from my cousins and some self-respect. It was a shitty thing for him to do, but I think it toughened me up."

We go through most of the photos. I remember very few of them because most of them were taken before I was three. I get choked up a few times, the one that is the hardest to see is the last photo taken with my parents. I take it out of the album and hold it for a long time, memorizing each of my parents individually. I place it back in the album, but make a mental note to scan it and get it enlarged and framed for my wall.

The shoebox of photos and notes is left for another day. Bella stays with me the whole time. She gets us drinks, and lunch when needed, but never loses interest in what we're doing, I have her complete attention. As I'm putting the albums on the shelf I think of how I can repay her for her support today? My thoughts go straight to sex, she has created a monster, but I'm happy about it.

~MEB~

We go to my parents for dinner on Sunday. We purposely arrive earlier than everyone else. I bring one photo album to show them. Bella busies herself with the dogs and dinner preparations when I sit down with them. I don't ask her to, but she just knows that I need to do this alone. I know she's here if I need her.

At one point my mom and I are in tears. My dad sniffles a time or two but holds us together.

I clear my throat, "I hope you know how much I appreciate you taking care of me, adopting me with all the issues I came with, both physical and emotional. I've punished myself all these years for not being able to save them, for living when they didn't. I hope, even when I was distant and difficult, that you know that I've always loved and respected both of you. You gave me the best life I could have imagined. You gave me everything I needed to heal physically and emotionally. I just haven't been ready, until now, to do what it takes to really heal myself emotionally. I'm sorry for wasting all this time."

My mom gives me a watery smile and a huge hug. "We know you love us, Edward. No matter how sad or how much pain you were in, you always did respect us and you showed us love in your actions. You've always tried to be a good person and put others before yourself. Even too much sometimes."

Dad puts his hand on my shoulder and squeezes. "We are the lucky ones, son. You have brought us so much joy and happiness. We are so happy to see you moving forward, trying to live your life to its fullest. It's been hard for us to watch you hold back; punish yourself, as you said. You deserve happiness, Edward. Be happy. That's what we want for you. A full, happy, life."

I hug him, we do the man hug, but we're both teary.

When the photo album is finally closed they go into the kitchen to work on dinner and I look for Bella. I find her lounging in the afternoon sun on the patio, the dogs laying in the shade nearby. I stop a distance away and take her in. Her sunglasses are on, but I can tell her eyes are shut behind them. Her exposed arms and legs are toned and tan. She has on cut off jean shorts and a tank top. She has her bikini on underneath, because I can see the bow from the strap tied behind her neck. She's beautiful. Her skin, so smooth. I love touching her. My stomach flutters; the feeling urges me closer to her. I sit on the edge of her lounge chair.

She turns towards me and opens her eyes, she smiles, just for me. Her hand reaches out and I take it willingly, "How did it go?"

"Good. It wasn't easy, but not as hard as I thought it would be." I bring her hand to my lips and kiss the back. "Let's take the dogs for a walk before dinner."

We walk down the beach together. I hold her hand the whole time. We talk, laugh, and throw balls for the dogs. I don't worry about running into Tanya. I don't worry about anything except for this moment, with Bella.

A/N

Some of you were right about what was in the box. Isn't he just the cutest with his Teddy?

I love hearing what you want from these two before the story is over. It helps me guide the last few chapters.

Thanks so much for reading and supporting me through this :)