* 97 * 3/24/13, 3/27/13
"Why do you do that?" Lily asked as she heard the sound of padding against the ground.
The paladin stopped moving toward the door. "Do what, my lady?"
"Hurt my feelings."
Casavir's jaw actually dropped. "My lady, when have I done that?"
"Just now. You make me feel like my words are worth nothing, like my compliments are offered to everyone casually, and then you just leave." Lily felt like she was being whiny, but she couldn't help it; she was more than a little upset that he wouldn't accept her sincere and heartfelt praise, praise she did not give out often. "I sometimes feel like I'm getting closer to you, and then you pull away from me again. I can never tell where I stand, whether we're friends or if I'm just your debtor." She almost felt spiteful now.
"My lady, of course we are friends," he insisted. Surely she didn't think he followed her only because of her help at Old Owl Well? But Lily said nothing. Casavir frowned. He had no idea he had made her feel that way.
"I keep trying to get you to talk, and sometimes you do. But I always have to ask you for you to say anything about yourself, who you are or where you came from, or even what you like to do in your free time. You never reveal anything by yourself." Lily sighed exasperatedly. "I just keep stupidly assuming that you'll eventually consider me enough of a friend to confide things in me, whether they're things that matter a lot or relatively little."
Casavir breathed out harshly at the large number of misunderstandings plaguing her mind. "You are not just a debtor to me, my lady," he pronounced clearly. Lily was quiet. He wasn't so sure she believed him in her irritable mood.
"I did not mean to take your compliment so lightly. I simply do not believe I deserve that kind of praise."
Lily oriented her body toward him again, looking up into his face with wide eyes, her hair falling in a curtain from her shoulder. "If not you, then who does? I can think of no one who deserves it more."
"That is kind of you." He was glad she thought that much of him.
A huff. "Do you even want to be more than just my knight to me, Casavir?"
Casavir's heart began pounding faster until he realized she was probably referring to her friendship.
"Yes."
"Good. Because you already are, and your answer wouldn't have changed anything."
The paladin couldn't help but offer a weak but amused grin.
Lily fumbled with a crease in her red skirt. She let out a breath. "Are we even close, Casavir? Or is who I see not the real you at all?"
"We are close, my lady," he reassured her, wishing he could show her just how close he felt to her.
"Then show me, please."
Uh. Despite having just wished it, he wasn't expecting that.
"How, my lady?"
Lily rolled her eyes and threw her hands up in the air, aggravated again. "Do I always have to spell everything out for you?" She sighed, giving up in her frustration.
This frightened Casavir. "Lily, I simply do not know what you mean," he explained in a rush to the complicated elf.
But Lily was unimpressed, and nonplussed. She merely shook her head and turned her face away from him.
Casavir realized his confusion would get him nowhere. He calmed himself and let silence fill the room for several heartbeats. Then, he asked very levelly, "What do you wish for, Lily?"
Lily glowered at him through one eye, deciding whether she felt like talking to him.
Then: "I have many different members on my team, each with their own strengths and weaknesses. But even despite the variety, I still don't have one thing." Lily appeared to be speaking to the wall. She didn't believe he'd become anything of what she was about to say, but she sated his curiosity anyway: "I want someone to protect me when I feel...compromised. Emotionally."
Casavir was surprised at her desire. For such a strong woman, her wish was very...soft. Delicate. It touched his heart. He would greatly enjoy the prospect of being not only her protector, but also her confidante.
Lily sat up, looped her arms around her knees, and set her head on top. She felt weak whenever she felt irritated, because she knew at those times that she got emotional, and sometimes didn't listen to reason.
Above all, though, she hated feeling alone, and when she felt weak, she felt alone.
Casavir knew Lily fairly well by now. She was a conundrum, though, how sometimes she became rather frustrated over little things and at other times was the most life-loving and peaceful creature he'd ever laid eyes upon. Thus, knowing she wouldn't give him any more clues about how to brighten her up than what she had already said – even if he asked – he thought for a minute.
Not believing the somber paladin had the emotional capacity to look more into what she said, Lily began playing with her hair. She felt uncomfortable now in the silence that pervaded the room, and she was expecting him to just leave. Good. She wanted him to leave if all he was going to do was stand there.
At all times, however, Casavir continued his thought, Lily enjoys affection.
But what should I do?