Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, that glory belongs to Stephanie Meyers.
A special thank you to the bestest beta a girl could ever have MsBond01, she reels me in when I go over the edge.
EPOV
Once again sleep has eluded me, I felt more exhaustion this trip home it seemed, than when I toured. I knew it was all emotional but the strain of being home was worse than I feared. In the past, I've used touring as my method of not dealing with Bella and this extended trip had opened more wounds than I knew was possible.
I suddenly felt like the walls were closing in on me, and music would not be my salvation tonight. I quickly from switched out my plaid pajama bottoms for black sweats, and a black hoodie, I kept my black tee shirt on. I found my black Nike's in the closet, grabbed my iPhone and keys and left my room.
Before I made it to the stair case I spotted the light under my father's door, I knocked and I entered the office when I heard him say "Come In". For as long as I could remember my father rarely slept, he often said he was better at his job when he hasn't slept for 30 hours. It made sneaking out a challenge for me and Emmett, we were able to escape 3 times, but the other times my father put an end to our late night escapades.
"Edward, what are you doing up?" he asked without looking at me, he seemed to be reading a report. When isn't he reading a report?
"I couldn't sleep."
He looked up at me for a moment and motioned for me to take a seat; I sank down into the chair, not saying anything for a moment. I looked around his office, knowingly avoiding his gaze, when I noticed some flyers for the Fork Memorial Benefit; I picked up a copy and read it.
"Are you going to the Benefit, Dad?" I finally asked.
"Yes, since your mother and I are a part of the Planning Committee," he said with a laugh. There were four bands scheduled to play, the opening acts I remembered from my club touring days, they were decent and well known local bands. They never strived for the big record contracts because they liked the Seattle circuit and were able to stay close to home with their families. They didn't make millions, but they were able to provide for their girlfriends, wives and children.
The closing acts' name was the one that really irked me; he was a douche by the name of Vladimir, who thought he was god's gift to music. Lately he'd been on an Edward Cullen bash; calling me everything from pussfied to a no talent songwriter. I wondered if he knew the man organizing the Benefit was my father.
"Why didn't you invite us to perform?" I asked, suddenly irked.
"We wanted to, but knew you were in the middle of a short break, I didn't want to guilt you into doing something you didn't want to do. Plus I didn't think you were actually coming home, I assumed you would go New York."
I originally planned to go to New York to buy an apartment in Manhattan, but Forks was calling.
"You could have asked when you knew I was coming home," I knew I was pouting.
"Son, would you like to perform at the benefit?"
"I don't know. I will have to think about it," I said, in my best bratty voice.
He balled up a piece of paper, throwing it at me, we started laughing.
"Seriously dad, I have no problems performing. Emmett and Rose should be back by then, I'll ask if they want to do it, and I'm willing to do an acoustic set."
"Thank you, Son. I appreciate it," he said with a grin. "But it's almost 5 am; I really don't think you came in here to discuss the benefit." His assumption was correct; I didn't come in here to discuss the Benefit.
"Alice said Bella won't last unless she leaves soon", I said watching my father's face for some indication that this was a possibility. Other than our conversation a couple of days ago, my father hadn't indulged any information and what he did relay was spoken in riddles. My father didn't say a word; he neither confirmed nor denied this claim.
"Anyone in her situation is at risk to a final blow; my only hope is she'd regain the courage to leave. That's the hardest part about dealing with a victim of abuse, it's when they lose the courage to walk away, and they believe they deserve it. I try my hardest to help them realize they don't deserve that kind of life, but one free of violence within their own home."
"She actually believes she deserve this?" I asked incredulously.
"That is a question that should be directed to Bella but in my personal opinion, yes, it's what think she sometimes believes," he closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Dammit Edward, I can't answer your questions freely, I'm sorry," he said in a frustrated voice.
"I'm sorry to press dad," I said as I stood to walk out of the office. I just needed out of the house. I ran back to my room for my ear buds and decided to go for a run.
With my hood up I ran down the lane that lead into town. I passed the local tackle shop, Forks Mart, a gas station, I turned off the main road and ran passed Forks High, and I ran past the court house where I met Jacob Black, because we both were being sentenced for underage drinking. My pace slowed as I passed the police station, I remembered how Charlie Swan had yelled at me about the dangers of drunk driving.
The sun was rising as I picked up my pace and continued onto La Push; as usual, I was humbled by its beauty as the sun peeked through the trees. A few residents were ready to start their commute to Port Angeles and various other places. I ran towards the trees near Jake's home it was much too early to stop by, so I continued on the path towards the beach. I didn't stop until I could see the tree stumps sitting on the beach; again I thought of Bella, this is where we had spent that summer.
We'd been sitting on the beach for about an hour and had no desire to leave. She was still reading her book of short stories while sucking on a lollipop. I never met a girl who enjoyed reading as much as Bella did. Her head was resting on my shoulder as I strummed my guitar; she let out a contented sigh. I started singing the first words that popped in my head
Her eyes smile every time we see each other
She sits here smelling like innocent sin
Her wild hair dancing in the wind
Who knew that strawberries and an ocean breeze
Could be so decadent?
I just gotta kiss that girl of mine.
Bella put her book down as I while I was singing, and turned to face me.
"So, you're going to kiss me?" she asked in her soft low voice.
"Well, yeah", I said with a grin, I placed my guitar on my left, nervously I reached for Bella and placed my hands in her mahogany hair, as I leaned into her, my heart escalating as my lips touched her soft, sweet cherry lips, it was better than I expected. Her bottom lip was plump and soft. I gently suckled it in as she sucked on my top lip, not wanting to discriminate I took her top lip between mine. Simultaneously, I felt her hands in my hair as our tongues met and I started to lose what little control I had.
I squeezed my eyes shut and shook my head; there was no need to think about our first kiss. I turned around from the beach, made my way through the trees, and headed back towards home. Against my will I ran I turned on Gardner, I saw the house she shared with James. It took all I had not to go in there and bash his head in; I was hoping to see some sort of movement, but there was nothing. I forced my legs to move back home, I had to get Bella out on my mind.
*****
I stared at the lyrics of the "Back in Time" that Jasper wrote, it was a great song but I couldn't hear myself singing it. It was missing something, and for the life of me I couldn't figure it out, we'd tried to rearrange the lyrics, we tried different tempos, had even gone so far as to changing the melody but there was still something off base about it.
I sat down at the piano, hoping I would be inspired to make this song work when I heard Jasper fly down the stairs in a mad rush. He walked over to the piano, lit a joint and handed it to me. I don't smoke often, and definitely not when I'm having issues with a song, he knows I'm a picky son of bitch, so wondered why he was handing me this shit.
"Edward, you need this," he said as he exhaled.
"Nah man, I'm good," I continued to play. Jasper took another hit and handed back to me.
"Bro, I would never offer if I didn't think you'd need to be in a chill state in the next 30 minutes," he said. Yes, I'd been a little cranky but today I was good, calmer.
"What the fuck is so important that I need to take a hit?" I inquired.
"Bella is on her way over," he took another hit.
"So, I know she and Alice are friends now, I'm ok with that, Bella and I are ok around each other", I said with false bravado, I was actually shaking on the inside.
"Dude, she's coming from the hospital", he said somberly as my head snapped up.
"What happened? Is she okay?" I started to rattle off questions before Jasper could answer, he handed me the joint again.
I took a hit as I listened to him relay information about Alice finding Bella trying to take herself to the hospital. Jasper explained she was coming to the house to rest for the day. My mom was setting up the theatre room so she could watch movies and sleep until it was time to take her home.
"What do you mean take her back?! He almost fucking killed her!" I yelled.
"Edward, she didn't want to come back here, she wanted to go home but Alice superseded that idea."
"I can't see her, not like that," I whispered. I knew I was being a pussy, but fuck, I wasn't ready for this.
"From what Alice said there were no marks on her face, just that she could barely move, due to exertion." Jasper place another joint on the piano, I looked at him warily.
"Thanks, but seriously what kind of stash do you have? This is good shit, dude. I thought you were laying off," I said. Jasper was the poster boy for the word Stoner, but after 4 years on the road he had pretty much stopped.
"I don't have a stash, I got this from Esme," he said with a grin. I gaped at him, nearly falling off the bench.
"My mother gave this to you?" I asked and Jasper was openly laughing at me.
"She said it was either this, or put Xanax in your coffee again."
"I knew she was putting something in my coffee!" I exclaimed. "Really, my mom has a stash?" I asked, still in shocked my mother smoked marijuana, but at the same time it explained so much.
"I told you years ago you're mom was the coolest mom ever," he said mocking me and punching me in the shoulder. "They should be here any minute, you stay down here, and I'll help them get her settled."
I knew I could count on Jasper for not judging my actions, but there was no way I could go out there and pretend nothing was wrong. Staying in the music room would ensure I didn't go over the Ramsey's house and beat the shit out of James.
I took another hit and started playing the piano randomly. I played till my fingers ached and my stomach growled. Fuckin' munchies!
I walked into the kitchen and found my mom was at the stove stirring something and speaking on the phone. I raided the pantry, found a small bag of Crunchy Cheetos, and miniature Snicker bars. I grabbed a Bud Light and Hidden Valley ranch dip from the refrigerator. Alice and Jasper came into the kitchen as I was finishing up my snack. Jasper grabbed another round of beers. I noticed that Alice was looking stressed.
"You ok Ace?" I asked. She shook her head; she ran her fingers in her magenta red hair, looking paler than usual. Her blue-green eyes looked pained; she looked how I felt on the inside.
"Jasper, take Alice out for a walk," my mother said, laying a comforting hand on Alice's shoulder. Jasper directed Alice towards the back door.
"Edward, I need you to watch Bella while Alice collects herself. I need to run to Port Angeles and should be back in a few hours."
"No Mom, I can't" I protested.
"Edward, it's not that hard. Plus your dad is upstairs taking a nap you can wake him if her pain worsens."
"Mom….I can't be around her like….that," I felt the panic starting to rise.
"Sweetie none of us want to deal with 'that', but we are" she said sounding frustrated.
"You don't understand…"
"Ok, explain it to me, but quickly cause my evil client is driving me nuts."
"Bella and I used to….see each other."
She looked at me in shock, and then asked, "What? When?"
"Four years ago, before she married….him", I said balling my hands into fists; I never wanted to hurt someone as much as I wanted to hurt James. My mom stared at me for a few seconds, looked at her watched and then sat down next to me.
"This is going to sound harsh, but it needs to be said. In all honesty, I think you're being a complete douche, for the lack of a better term. As your mother, I can see the torment in your eyes and I know you're not trying to be and I'll admit, I'm stunned to hear about you and Bella, but it explains so much. You've avoided this whole Bella situation for four years and never dealt with it. Now that your heart and mind have caught up to reality, you have to deal with this pain, and to top it off you have to cope with the fact that the Bella you knew 4 years ago, is going through something much bigger than you. All the sold out shows or Grammy's awards can't gloss over this situation, you're going to have to check your ego at the door, be a bigger man and be there for her. I know it's hard, but remember she's on survival mode. I know you're hurting too Edward, but when have you ever feared for your life? When have you wondered if the person you married is going to finish you off?"
I sighed, my mother was right; I was a douche. I stood and kissed the top of her head.
"You're right mom, go see your client, I'll make sure Bella eats lunch and watch over her until Alice returns," I said getting up to pour Bella's soup into a bowl. My mom grabbed her gear, gave me a hug and was about to exit when I asked, "Do you think she's giving up?"
"I think she's starting to believe it's what she deserves. There's a defeated deadness to her eyes, she looks nothing like the girl I remember seeing around town when Charlie was alive," she said shaking her head. She looked at her watch again, said her goodbyes and made a dash for the door.
I put the soup on the tray along with a glass of juice. When I walked into the theatre room, I saw Bella lying on her back, and for a moment she looked peaceful, her dark hair surrounded her like a cocoon, and was paler than the last time I saw her. She moved slightly and whimpered, I noticed she had a frown on her face that lasted for a few seconds and then she relaxed. I hated to wake her up, but she needed to eat.
"Come on sleepy head wake up," I said, smiling, she looked so annoyed to be woken up, but then she smiled and I felt as though I was melting.
She tried to sit up, so I put the tray down and helped her. I worried when she got a dazed look on her face.
"You ok?" I asked, I was starting to panic again. If something thing happened while I was taking care of her, Alice would kick my ass.
"Sure, sure. I'm on top of the world", she slurred.
"Here, it's time to eat." I placed the tray on her lap and thought about going to go back into the kitchen but decided against it, as that would be rude. Plus Mr. & Mrs. Smith was on, not only was it a great flick but Angelina Jolie was smokin' hot in this movie.
"What movie is this?" she suddenly asked.
"Mr. & Mrs. Smith", I explained, how could she not recognize the movie where Brad and Angie hooked up?
"I've heard of it, but never had a chance to see it, if I'd known Brad Pitt looked that good, I would have watched a few times while it was in the theater," she said.
I laughed; this was the Bella I adored. She could be sarcastic, yet blunt and when she compared men to fine wine I wanted to kiss her. Pussy Edward has entered the building.
She didn't eat much, when I took her tray back into the kitchen I had to regroup. I took a deep breath andmade my way back into the theatre room to finish the movie.
We'd been sitting in silence for a few minutes when she called me pretty. I hated when people called me pretty, we joked around then she started slinging words like 'Fuckhot' and 'Eye fuck'. I was thoroughly confused and made a mental note to ask Alice about that later.
It was so much fun to laugh with her; I usually stayed away from women like that. It was easier to deal with the wannabe's, the fake mysterious girls. It wasn't until she clutched side in pain that I remembered that she should be resting.
"So are you, pretty, I mean", I blurted out moments later, Bella looked at me as though I'd grown two heads. Real smooth Cullen you freaked her out.
Trying not to think about Bella I fantasized about Angelina, I was trying to not to compare her lips to Bella's. When I visited New Orleans, I spent some time with her when she was pregnant. She was stripped of her makeup, surrounded by her kids and never looked more beautiful. The memory made me wonder if Bella would have had the same glow if we'd stayed together. I looked over at Bella and noticed she had gone back to sleep and made my escape back to the kitchen. Alice and Jasper returned andAlice looked noticeable better, but she was still frowning.
"Edward, should I call Jacob?" she asked.
"He doesn't know?"
"No, it seems Bella doesn't like to let him know when she has an injury," Jasper answered, looking irritated.
"She hates to worry him," Alice explained. I just shook my head, Jake worried regardless of Bella's attempts to protect him. I grabbed my phone out my back pocket and called Jake.
"Yeah," he said a form of hello.
"Jake," I started; fuck this was going to be harder than I expected. "Bella cracked her ribs and she's resting at our house", I just blurted that shit out there, yeah Cullen, no fuckin' tact.
Jake was silent, I couldn't even hear him breathe. "She's ok?" he asked quietly.
"Yeah, she's resting now," I said.
"I'll be there in about an hour; I have to get rid of my customers."
"Okay, see you then" and clicked off. "He'll be here in about an hour". I grabbed a beer and headed down to the music room. This was going to be a long afternoon.
****
When Jake arrived he reminded us that James needed to be contacted. Alice gave him Bella's phone; he paced the music room as he placed the call to James.
"No it's not Bella, its Jacob. Bella is at my house but she doesn't have her keys," he paused. "Well, someone had to take her to the hospital," Jake was trying to keep his composure. "Listen, call and let me know when you're home and I'll bring her down" he paused again "No, you're not allowed on Quileute land and you know that" he shook his head and rolled his eyes "And I wouldn't have to step onto your property if you'd fucking stop using her as a human punching bag" his lips thinned "James, you can't fucking touch me and you know it." He paused again "Just call when you get home and I'll drop her off," he smiled a grimly "Well James, you know if you step into La Push its considered trespassing, and my people hate trespassers" he paused again "Then why are we having this fucking conversation, she stays at my house tonight, she should be more coherent in the morning." He paused. "Yeah, fuck you too" he finished as he clicked off the phone. "Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!" He paced and then sat down, running his fingers through his hair.
"Jake, what did he say?" Alice asked anxiously.
"He's in Seattle dealing with an ongoing investigation and won't be back to Forks tonight," he said, continuing to hold his head.
"Good! She can stay here tonight," she said with giddy excitement. "She can get a good night's sleep."
"I fucked up," Jake said remorsefully.
"What happened?" I asked.
"I shouldn't have let him egg me on, I should have let the threat slide, I shouldn't have said anything. Fuck."
"He can't touch you Jake." Alice and I said at the same time.
"I know that, the elders are now aware of our legal rights," he said quietly.
"Oh yeah, and next time I hear you went to jail and didn't call I will personally kick your ass. Is that understood, Jacob Black?" Alice said.
"Yes Ma'am loud and clear," Jake said with a small smile.
"Good, and don't worry about those silly threats, I've already contacted Uncle Aro and he's aware of what going on. So if either of us needs him, he and his team are prepared."
"When did you talk to Aro?" I asked.
"Last night," she said. When Ace is on the go there is no stopping her.
"Yeah, he called. Thanks Ace."
"You're welcome. Come on, let's go check on Bella" she said.
Bella was still sleeping when we walked into the theatre room, Jake made sure she was covered and joined my parents who were already having a glass of wine. I got beers for Alice, Jasper, Jake and myself.
My mother and Jake were catching up when Alice suddenly bolted from her seat. A moment later she yelled for my father, Jake and I ran to see Bella in the midst of a panic attack. She looked like she was choking on her own tears; my dad had to calm her down by walking her through some breathing exercises. She was almost back to normal, when she started to panic about James and it took both Alice and Jacob to calmer down again, I couldn't take it anymore.
I went back down to the music room, my new salvation, followed by Jasper. We sat on the couches we have near the guitars, not saying anything, lost in our own thoughts.
****
It was after midnight when I noticed Jasper and Alice making eyes at each other. I finally told them to go to bed; I didn't need to see my little sister licking her lips to entice my best friend into bed. Before she left she asked me to refill Bella's water glass.
When the fatigue caught up to me, I went up stairs and changed into my pajama bottoms and tee shirt.
I went to the kitchen poured cold water into a glass, added a bendy straw and went back upstairs. I knocked figuring she was asleep and walked in. I felt bad when I saw she was still awake, I planned to sit until she was done and then leave, but she asked me to scoot down so I indulged. I wanted to crack a joke to break the tension but I got lost in Bella.
"Did you mean what you said that day?" she asked out of the blue.
"Yes, I meant every word," I said quietly. What was the point in lying now?
"I'm sorry I hurt you. I believed James when he said you had a girlfriend", she said. Girlfriend? I didn't have girlfriends', she was the only girl I was seeing that summer... Tonya!
"Holyfuck! You believed Tonya was my girlfriend?" I nearly yelled. "Bella, she wasn't my girlfriend." Didn't she understand what she meant to me?
She believed the lies James told her, I was completely at a loss for words; I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs.
"Why didn't you just talk to me?" I asked.
"Honestly?" she whispered.
"Yes, please."
"I didn't think I was good enough to be with someone like you, and I needed to leave before you left me, because, in the end everyone leaves or I hurt them. I hurt you, I'm hurting Jake and I'm going to hurt Alice. I don't mean to, I just do."
Not good enough for me? Didn't she know she was too fucking good for me? I didn't deserve her, but I still craved her like a drug addict waiting for his next fix.
My heart was racing, for four years I never forgot her, no matter how hard I tried. I drank, I smoked, and I did every drug I could get my hands on. I fucked anything with tits and a vagina. I was a complete sick fuck because I believed she saw me for what I really was.
I gave in to my need to touch her, when her silky hair was in my hands, I leaned in, I wanted to kiss her lips, to show her how much she meant to me. As my heart constricted I knew I couldn't do that, in the end I rested my forehead against hers.
"Dammit Bella," I muttered, caressing her face, wiping away her tears.
I felt so many emotions ranging from sadness to anger; one minute I was crying with her the next I wanted to punch a wall.
Fucking Tonya and James.
I hugged her as tightly as I could until she went to sleep, she looked so peaceful. When I looked back at Bella she looked so vulnerable just lying there, it wasn't the kiss I wanted to give her but kissing her forehead made me feel slightly more human.
As I closed the door to the guest room where Bella rested, part of me wished I could close the door to my memories of her all together. I wanted to just sing my songs and move on. But like my mother said I couldn't avoid this, it was bigger than me.
Don't be a douche. Yeah but it comes so naturally. FUCK!
***
I threw myself into the Benefit performance, once I got the confirmation from everyone, Jasper and I worked on a set list. Emmett and Rose texted over their request, since most of our songs were angry break up songs we'd planned to do mainly covers.
I called Mike Newton, one of my managers to let him know we were doing the Benefit. Tickets sales were lagging so Mike lined up a few radio interviews for me.
I hate doing radio interviews on my cell phone, so I was using the house phone; I was waiting for the radio station to call when Bella arrived. She hadn't been by since her hospital visit last week. She was pale with circles under her eyes.
"Hey Bella," I said when I opened the door.
"Hey," she said quietly, she also looked thinner than last time I saw her. I had to refrain from saying anything mean. Thankfully, Alice arrived and they went upstairs. I knew Alice has been to her place to visit her, and they went out to La Push so Bella didn't have to stay cooped up in the house. Alice was trying to keep her busy without over tiring her, which was hard since she was still recovering.
I answered the phone when it rang; it was the producer of the popular morning show in Seattle, who told me the host would be on the line in a moment. I heard the intro and then I was on air.
"Hey, Edward! How are you?" Lisa, the female host called out.
"Hey, I'm doing well," I said hoping I sounded enthusiastic.
"We thought you were on vacation, and wanted nothing to do with music for a while."
"Technically, I am on vacation but I think I've played more music since being home than when I was on the road."
"Wow! I wouldn't touch an instrument."
"That was my plan, to laze around and mooch off my parents, but I've been in my old studio just playing music."
"I thought mooching off the parents days was over?"
"As long as my mom is offering free food, I'll never turn it down."
"So you're home just playing music and eating. Nice! Cullen," she boasted.
"Yeah it's the life!" I said with a laugh.
"Have you recorded much?" she inquired.
"Actually, we haven't recorded a thing'" I laughed. "I've been just playing whatever comes to mind, rediscovering the piano."
"You're in Los Angeles, right?"
"No, I'm in Forks, right now. Where I'll end up, I don't know."
"Oh you're close by; I bet the teens are going insane."
"Not even, I'm just one of those Cullen kids here. My job doesn't mean much to them."
"Oh please, you're telling me no one bothers you?"
"Not in a way where I can't go to the local diner and have a meal. Yeah, I get some people who say hello but they always wait till I'm done eating. Which I'm grateful for."
"So no one climbed the trellis to get to you?"
"Oh my god, no! Is that what's suppose to happen?" I asked in a mocking shocked voice.
"Yeah you're a rock star!" she exclaimed.
"I don't think anyone gave them the memo."
"So the rumor on Twitter is you're playing a benefit. Is this true?"
"Yes, Fork County Hospital puts on a yearly benefit and we were asked to play."
"Is this the hospital your father works at?"
"Yeah, my dad is an ER doctor there."
"If you hadn't gotten into music you wanted to be a doctor, correct?"
"Yeah I just had gotten accepted into UCLA Medical School when the record deal came about."
"Would you have gone to work in Forks with your Dad?"
"Yeah, that was my goal. I wanted to grow up to be like my dad." It was the truth, but I knew I would never be as good of a man as Carlisle.
"Awww, that's so sweet, but he's proud of your success, right?"
"Not sure if I succeeded yet, still working on it," I said with a chuckle.
"You're doing great! Are there tickets still available for the Forks Benefit?"
"Yes, there are tickets still available. We'd like to invite everyone who can to come to hang out and enjoy some local bands. Also, if you go to the Cullen website you will see we're hosting an auction, all proceeds will go to Forks-Port Angeles Safe Haven Shelter."
"What are you auctioning off?"
"We each are auctioning off a one-on-one date, clothes, a day with the band in-studio, play at your party, and small things like autographed pictures and stuff."
"Wow, those are great items and we know they'll go through the roof."
"That's what we hope for, and once we have the tally, I'll match all donations dollar for dollar."
"This is fantastic! I need to place a bid myself!" Lisa said. "Now, this shelter is for battered women and kids correct?"
"Yes," I couldn't go on. I had to catch my, breath as I remembered Bella sleeping on the couch because of what James did to her.
"Edward did we lose you?" she asked.
"I'm sorry. Um…yeah…I um..." I paused and took a deep breath. "This shelter is one of the few, last of its kind, in this area. And even if people can't bid on these items, donating to the shelter would mean even more to someone in need of a place like this."
"It really does sound like a wonderful charity and I was just informed we've posted all the details on our website. So, if you can't make it to the Cullen site, you can check out our site for more info."
"Thank you and everyone at the station for the support" I said quietly.
"No, thank you Edward, for bringing this to ourattention and to our audience."
We said out good-byes and hung up. I was relieved it was over, but I had 3 more interviews lined up. Working on this the benefit and the auction gave me some hope that it would help Bella and others like her. It wasn't much butit was the only thing I knew to do.
After 2 hours I was done with phone interviews, Mike called to tell me he heard them online and sounded great. He also informed me the auction was already underway. I felt a jolt of happiness to know things were looking up, I thanked him for helping with this project.
We usually give Mike a hard time but when it came down to it, I knew he would bust his ass to make sure things were going well. I met him in college when he unsuccessfully pledged to my fraternity. Even though he was denied twice we remained friends. When I started singing it was Mike who helped get the word out. So when the time came for me to find a manager, I turned to Mike. He can be annoying, but he was a true asset to me and the band.
I found Bella snapping pictures of an unknowing Rose eating ice cream. It was a rare, relaxed Rose, normally she stood confidentially tall looking like a Greek Goddess who'd kick your ass if you disrespected her, and there was no denying she was gorgeous but she rarely let people see her softer side. After 10 years of friendship it baffled my mind that she was Jasper's twin, who was completely mellow.
I finally made my presence quietly known to Bella by tapping her on the shoulder; she tensed up for a second then relaxed. She smiled over at me, I smiled back and we descended down the stairs.
Alice and Jasper were on the couch looking at the computer and Emmett, was reading the latest James Patterson book in Spanish. Emmett was weird that way, he hated reading in English. Not many people were aware of this, but Emmett was fluent in Spanish, French, German, Italian, Japanese and Portuguese.
"Okay, the interviews went well." I said to the group.
"And the auction is going like wildfire, Tyler said 'dates' are being monitored for fake accounts," Alice announced with a smile.
"Great Ace," I said, giving her a small smile. Just as I was about to rise, I saw Bella taking a photo of me. I met her gaze head on, her eyes looked pained. She knew why we were hosting the auction, she quietly left the room. Alice noticed the exchange and followed her up the stairs.
As I watched them go, Jasper came over and told me he was able to fix one of the songs I'd written while we were on tour. He knew I needed the distraction and put my creative juices to work.
****
I'd been working with Alice in private singing sessions for the Benefit for the last week. She wanted to take the lead on an Alanis Morissette song, but she faltered half way through from either tears or major stage freight.
When Alice first approached me with the idea I thought she wanted to do her salute to her favorite singer, Mary J Blige, but she shocked me with her choice of 'That Would Be Good' but she got so lost in her thoughts she always starts to cry.
It pained me to see her this way, as bitchy as she could be; she had one of the biggest hearts I've even known. After her third attempt that evening, I took her to the couch so she could compose herself.
"Ace, what's going on?"
"Dammit Edward, some days I think I'm making headway, but the last couple of days I've seen her….I see her falling deeper into herself," she said in a frustrated voice.
"Has he…"
"I asked her and she said no."
"That's a good thing," I said frowning, she should be happy.
"She's waiting for the other shoe to drop, the calm before the storm as she puts it."
"And she's just waiting for it?" I asked Alice nodded.
"I'm trying to do what all the sites advise, suggest without pushing. Basically, everything I'm bad at," she said, running her fingers through her wild curly magenta red hair.
"Ace, you're doing fine. Even Jake said she's better with you around," I said as Alice shook her head, denying she'd done anything. "She hasn't picked up a camera in years, Jake was overjoyed when you let her use yours."
"She won't take it home because he destroyed her other one," Alice said, as she bit her lip, something she never did. "She doesn't tell me everything that she's thinking, but when she does, it's like she's preparing for death."
My heart started to race, she was giving up. Both Mom and Dad have said this to me, and Alice was confirming one of my fears. We didn't rehearse the rest of the evening both going upstairs, concentration shot.
Once I was in my bedroom I stripped down to my boxers, sat down on the side of my bed and ran my fingers through my hair. My thoughts were too jumbled. Hopefully sleep would clear up of my confusion.
****
I glanced at the clock again, it was after 5 am, and I hated this not sleeping thing. I really missed it. There was a time I slept like the dead, nothing would wake me up. I slept through an earthquake once when I was in Los Angeles and from what I was told it was a nice sized jolt.
Since I've been back to Forks sleep had been my enemy, I had no desire to play the piano, I had no desire to play anything. I did however, have a desire to hit something, more like someone by the name of James Ramsey.
Since hitting something seemed like what I needed, I went down home gym on the first floor. I found the boxing gloves and started hitting the bag. I went over the routine Emmett drilled into me since I was 15, with each jab, I pictured my fist connecting to James's face.
The more I thought about, it the angrier I became. I continued on this tirade for over an hour. When I was done, my muscles were sore, the fatigue was getting to me, my emotions were high, and the urge to lash out was on the surface. I took a shower to get rid of the sweat, it didn't do much for my muscles, but I felt more relaxed. My body was suddenly weighed down, I stumbled into my bedroom, put on some pajama bottoms, and I was out before my head hit the pillow.
***
I woke up with a start, my heart racing as if I'd been running for miles, I couldn't remember if I dreamt or not but I finally felt rested. I threw on a pair of jeans, a wife beater, and my favorite black hoodie. Grabbing my black & white Converse I went into the music room. Alice was alone on the couch sipping her orange juice.
"What time is it?" I asked hurriedly.
"Ten o'clock, why?" she retorted.
I ignored her question, "What time is Bella supposed to arrive?"
Alice frowned, "She's not coming today." I could tell this upset her, and I hated to see my sister in pain. I walked over to Alice and gave her a quick hug and ran back to my room for my keys, wallet and phone. I jumped in the Suburban, flying down the lane. The drive to Bella's home took less than 7 minutes.
I parked two doors down and walked up to her front door. I recognized her car, but didn't see another one in the drive way. I pressed the doorbell, there was no response. I pressed the door bell and knocked, still nothing.
I saw the gate that lead to the backyard, found it unlocked and proceeded into the backyard. It was a nice size, with a small tuff shed and nothing else.
I was about to leave when I saw Bella walking back towards the yard from the forest. She hadn't noticed me yet, her face was drawn and sad. She was still staring at the ground as she neared the back yard. She finally looked up and as expected she was startled to see me. I could see the panic set in has she darted her eyes, to see if anyone was around.
"Isabella."
"Edward, what are you doing here?" I heard the fear in her voice.
"I needed to talk to you," I said.
"Couldn't this have waited until I saw you at the house? You shouldn't be here," she said nervously.
"No it couldn't," I said tersely. "I need you to deliver a message, a request actually." As expected she looked at me with confusion and frowned.
"I need you to deliver a message to someone," I repeated. "I need you to tell Bella....my Bella that I haven't given up on her. Tell my Bella not to give up the fight. My Bella, is screaming to get out, I can hear her." I placed my hand gently to her heart, and met her gaze "My Bella, is a fighter; she's fighting everyday you stay here."
I threaded my fingers in her silky hair, the strawberry scent hit me like a ton of bricks, but my gaze never wavered "I'm asking you to tell her not to give up. Can you deliver that message?" I buried her head in my shoulder, her body was shaking. She suddenly wrenched herself away from me and backed up. Once she was near the stairs she ran up them towards the back door. Part of me was worried she'd injure herself further but a bigger part of me took pleasure in seeing her run up the steps and hearing her let out a mad wail.
Bella was still alive, and hopefully listening.
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