Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, that honor belongs to the Goddess Stephanie Meyers.

I have to give special thanks for my Beta, my heart, Ms Bond (if you haven't already ck out her fic www(.)fanfiction(.)net/s/5366270(1)

I've gotten some really great reviews that actually made me cry and thank you to all who leave me messages. I PROMISE to reply to everyone this time.

Okay I tried to make this as light hearted as I could.

Please enjoy!!!

"Alice, I'm not going to make it over today," I said, bracing myself for the Wrath of Alice.

"Bella, are you ok?" Alice inquired.

"Yeah…I think I just need to be close to the house."

"Has anything happened since we talked last night?" she asked worriedly.

"No, I'm ok. Nervous, maybe….ok I'm freaking out a little," I finally admitted.

"Then get your ass over here, or we can go to La Push for a walk," she said quickly. Alice had been a God send the last few weeks, I think, if it wasn't for her I would have given into the nightmares.

"Alice...just give me today, ok?" I asked, desperately.

I heard her sigh, and felt like total shit for worrying her like this. "Text me by noon to let me know you're ok, or I'm coming over," she said as a compromise.

"Ok, I will. Alice?"

"Yeah, Bells?"

"Thank you," I said, in a crackly voice; I snapped my cell phone shut before I started crying. In the short time I'd known Alice she'd come to mean a lot to me.

I needed some fresh air to clear my mind, and decided to take a walk. The only thing I like liked about the house I shared with James was the easy access to the walking trails. Flowers, trees, and other plants always surrounded me, and when I lived at with my father I would often find a spot and read until it was time to go have dinner. I could remember the countless times my father would come and find me sleeping on my blanket with a book beside me. Even after many warnings, I always went back to my favorite spot, he called it my one true teenage rebellion.

As I looked around I took in the peaceful atmosphere, I hoped it would calm the chaotic thoughts rushing through my head. The nightmares that started when I was resting at the Cullen home had been constant since I left. No matter the time of day, it was the same dream over and over. It was so tiring because I was afraid to sleep, and when I did manage to sleep I awakened filled with dread.

No matter how I wrapped myself around the dream, I jumped.

There was no way I could talk to Jake about it, he would go insane and even though Alice had been really cool, I could see in her eyes that this was also rough on her. I felt like I brought nothing but pain to people, or I somehow made them feel the pain James brought onto me.

Not that I was ever relaxed, but alone with James lately had been more frightening than usual. He watched my every move, like he was tracking me. He never said much, but when he did it was the voice I dreaded and I'd brace myself for the worst, but so far nothing had happened. I should have been relieved, but that actually made it scarier. Last night he stood behind me while I washed dishes, I was shaking so badly I thought I was going to throw up.

"What's wrong, Izzy?" he asked quietly.

"My side hurts."

His hands moved up and down my side, I feared he would strike me, but he just stood there. If this had been 4 years ago I would have thought he was being affectionate but I'd learned a long time ago that James didn't care about anyone but James.

My head began to pound; the sleepless nights were starting to catch up with me. I headed back to the house, so lost in my thoughts that I didn't see Edward standing there staring at me.

After our talk the other night we tended not to be in a room alone together. He was nice, but it was at a noticeable distance. He'd been working on the auction like a mad man. Sometimes when I watched him through the viewfinder on Alice's camera he'd have such an intense look of determination on his face. I was shocked to see him staring at me, looking like a Greek God and I still couldn't believe I called him pretty, that was brilliant, but he was beyond pretty, there were no words to describe him.

"Isabella," he said coldly.

"Edward, what are you doing here?" I asked, even though I knew James was at work, I didn't want Edward here. It's as if he was tainting himself by being here.

"I needed to talk to you," he said, again his voice lacking emotion.

"Couldn't this have waited until I saw you at the house? You shouldn't be here."

"No it couldn't," he said tersely. "I need you to deliver a message, a request actually." What did he mean he wanted me to deliver a message? To James? I was thoroughly confused.

"I need you to deliver a message to someone; I need you to tell Bella...my Bella that I haven't given up on her. Tell my Bella not to give up the fight. My Bella, is screaming to get out, I can hear her." Edward placed a hand over my heart, and no matter how hard I tried I couldn't look away as he said, "My Bella, is a fighter; she's fighting everyday you stay here. I'm asking you to tell her not to give up. Can you deliver that message?" With his hands in my hair, I wanted nothing more than for him to take me away. His words rocked me, I wanted him to never let me go, but I knew it wouldn't last. He was leaving soon and I couldn't get attached. Wrenching myself from him was so hard to do, I was so weak, and he was so embedded in my blood I couldn't breathe sometimes.

I felt my whole body radiate anger and sorrow, as if every pore oozed a disgusting sap that was me. I wanted to run after Edward and beg him to take me away, but it was me who had to complete this battle. No matter who stood on my side, it was up to me to finish the fight.

Whenever I thought of this, I shook from the inside, the invincible forced locked me down. Every time I tried to run free the force tightened around my neck, like a dog on a leash. When did James become my master, and I become his pet dog that he kicked around? I was completely paralyzed.

Get up Bella! Get the fuck up! I was completely broken, mentally, emotionally as well as physically. I dragged myself off the floor, and walked back to the room I shared with James, I felt the invisible leash tighten again. I was suddenly chilled to the core, I couldn't get warm. I wrapped the blankets around me trying to find some heat, but how does one ward off a chill that's coming from the inside?

I woke up with a start, disoriented, I realized I wasn't in the room I shared with James, nor was I at the Cullen's. I was back in the bedroom I slept in till I was 16; I hadn't seen or been in this room since Charlie's funeral. I looked down to see I was wearing my favorite Matchbox Twenty tee shirt and sweats which I also hadn't since the day he died. Looking around the room I noticed that nothing had changed.

It was all a dream! I never married James, holy shit. Dad!

I ran excitedly down the stairs and found my dad in the living room; Cyndi Lauper's 'Time after Time' was playing. I flung myself at him, holding him tight.

"Daddy!"

"Hey Bells, wanna dance?" he asked with a smile.

"Yes!" my dad loved to dance to this song, my dad was by no means a dancer but he told me it reminded him of my mom. I stepped into his arms, took a deep breath and smelled the Old Spice he always preferred to wear.

I felt loved, I felt protected.

"Dad, I had the worst nightmare," I mumbled into his chest. It was the scariest dream. "I dreamt you died, I went to live with the Ramsey's and I ended up marrying James. Dad he was a horrible husband, he would…he would hit me all the time. I couldn't leave and I was so scared. I know, silly, right?"

My dad was very quiet and we'd stopped dancing, when I looked at him, I noticed he wasn't in his usual jeans and tee shirt, he was wearing a dark suit; the suit he was buried in. I stepped away, and he continued to look at me with his intense, dark stare.

"Daddy?" I whispered.

"Bells, sadly that did happen," he said quietly.

"But, we're home!" I screamed, frantically looking around the room. It was exactly how it should be; the pictures were on the mantel, the big screen, my father's lazy boy, our coffee table with fishing and sports magazines on one side and my Teen and Seventeen magazines on the other. The hideous couch we both said that needed to be retired and Grandma Swan's afghan that we used when the room became too chilly. It was all there.

I when I looked back at my father, he was gone, and the lonely empty feeling returned, and then I heard it, clear as day. "IZZY!" James was screaming for me, I heard the banging on the front door and I ran out the back. I ran into the familiar woods, and just as I reached the La Push border, the road got twisted. James was screaming Izzy, Izzy, Izzy, I felt like my head was going to explode.

I turned to the left only to find more trees and followed an unknown trail, hoping it would take me back to the path I wanted to be on, when I got to the end I was at the cliffs. This was all too familiar. I could hear James screaming for me, his voice getting closer and closer I realized there was no way out. All the wishful thinking in the world wouldn't change this hell. No matter where I went he would find me.

"Izzy did you think you'd get away from me?" James asked sarcastically. I watched him approach, my heart feeling as though it were going to explode.

"No, James, I didn't. I know I can never escape you," I said defeated. I looked out to the cliffs and knew I couldn't live another day like this. I said a silent prayer asking God for forgiveness and moved to take my final step.

"Bella don't," my father's voice said in my ear. I looked to my right, and there he was in his favorite pair of jeans and grey long sleeve tee shirt, looking like the strong protector I always remembered.

"Daddy, I can't do this any more," I sobbed. I could see the disappointment in his eyes. "I failed you in so many ways….and I'm hurting all the time."

"Baby, you didn't fail me. It will get better, I promise, you will get better," he said, in the low gravelly voice I missed so much. I shook my head, there was no hope.

"Daddy, please don't hate me."

"I could never hate you Bells, I've loved you since the day your mom and I found out we were having you, you're my world, but it's not your time, not like this. Don't let him think you're 'nothing' because you are something to me. Do not give up, do you hear me Bella? You're not to give up," he said.

"But dad, I want to be with you and mom, please!"

"Isabella, NO! This is not the way and you know it. Listen to me when I say don't give up," Charlie yelled at me. Then, I felt his arms around me, like when we were dancing, "Baby, listen to me, giving up is not the answer! Taking your life is not the answer. I know you hurt and you're scared, but don't do this."

I knew my father was right, I turned to look at him, but it was not Charlie who met my gaze this time, it was Edward.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw James charging out of the forest, and before I had a chance to react he pushed me off the cliff. I could hear Edward let out a painful yelp as he screamed my name.

I woke up clutching my chest, my heart wouldn't slow down, and I could barely breathe. This was the worst panic attack I'd ever had. I wanted to scream out, but I couldn't form the sound, I felt like I was suffocating. I tore off the flannel shirt I favored, as I shakily sat on the side of the bed. With my head between my legs, I finally calmed down. By the time I raised my head I was wheezing like an asthmatic. I walked dazedly to the kitchen for a glass of water.

The dream was so real; I could feel the air whipping through my hair, knowing that I was dying. Besides Jake, the 2 men I loved most in the world asked me not to give up, and it was starting to make sense, all the nightmares… I was giving up, I had stopped fighting. I don't know how long I stood at the kitchen sink thinking about it, but I became suddenly aware of how much time I didn't have.

I went to the hall closet for the latch stick that was used to bring down the ladder to the attic. It had been a while since I'd been up there and it was the one place I could hide stuff, as James hated going up there. I found the box with the trinkets that I couldn't part with after my father died, his personal photo albums, journals, his favorite book, and his signed Tommy Lasorda baseball.

My father was a closeted Dodger fan, I smiled remembering our trip to see the Dodgers Opener in Los Angeles, and Mr. Lasorda talking with his guys and throwing the ball for fun; when they were done, they threw a ball at Charlie. Later, we took pictures with Mr. Lasorda and he signed the ball. One of the few adventures of 'The Bella and Charlie Show' as we use to call it. I Grabbed the box, I had to take it to the one place I knew it would be safe.

****

Jake was sipping on a soda when I knocked on the back door a few minutes later. He looked surprised to see me, and opened the door.

"Hey Bells, what are you doing here?" he asked, taking the box out of my hands.

"Thanks. I can't come by and see you unannounced?"

"Of course silly, but Alice just called me freaking out because you hadn't contacted her when you were supposed to."

Holy shit, I forgot about Alice! I looked at the wall clock and saw it was only 11:45, what the hell?

"She said I had until noon, she's just freaking out," I said, grabbing my phone from my purse. I sent Alice an 'I'm an ok' message and looked a Jake with a slight smile.

"Can I leave this here?" I asked, nodding towards the box.

"Of course, you don't need to ask," he said. "So, what's in the box, Bella?"

"Some stuff that belong to my dad," I said quietly.

Jake looked at me questioningly, instead of saying something I went to the refrigerator and grabbed a soda. I sat at the kitchen table and Jake joined me, still waiting. I dreaded Jake's reaction to what I was about to tell him, but it needed to be said.

"I've been having nightmares." I said, softly.

"How long has this been going on?" he asked, with a frown on his face.

"Ever since, I was recovering at the Cullen's last week," I replied.

"What are the night mares about?"

"I'm running from James, and I'm trying to get to La Push, but the road keeps changing."

"Changing? To what?"

"It keeps leading me to the cliffs," I said quietly.

"The Cliffs?" he asked, his breathing labored. "What happens?"

"No matter which way I turn…..the cliffs are in front of me and James….has his prey trapped," I said, as I took a sip of my soda. "When I see him, I realize I can't do it anymore. Jake, I felt every beating, every slap, and every insult course through my body." I had never used words like 'beatings' with Jake, not with anyone. I'd just been so exposed lately; there was no reason to gloss over the truth any longer.

Jake didn't say anything; he just stared at me, his dark gaze unwavering.

"What did you do?"

"I jumped." The room was completely silent, Jake didn't move. I could see the vein in the side of his neck throbbing.

"It was just a dream, right? You would never jump off a fucking cliff," he said, as he stood grabbing the box and taking it to the family room. I trailed after him, knowing I needed to tell him everything.

"I didn't plan to jump," I said suddenly.

Jake placed the box on the coffee table and looked at me with a frown, "Of course not. Suicide is not a fucking option."

"You sound like Charlie did this morning," I said.

"What?"

"Jake, I had the most intense dream about Dad today," I said, and I told him about the dream, minus Edward showing up at the end. Jake took my hand and led me to the couch, when we were seated; he put his arms around me.

"Bells, I know you miss him, I miss him too," he said.

"Jake, there are days where the pain is so intense; it's as if someone is at my door telling me he was killed all over again. You remember how his voice sounded when he got angry?" Jake nodded, with a faint smile. "That's how he sounded, it was so vivid. And then I woke up having another panic attack."

"You had another one?" he said.

"I've been having them every night, along with the nightmares," I finally admitted.

"Have you talked to Carlisle?"

"No, I didn't want to talk to him about the nightmares. I was too scared."

"Bella, they were just dreams," he pointed out.

"I know, but they were so real, the fear… was so real," I murmured, it was time. "Jake, when are you going to set a wedding date?"

"I don't know Bells," he said running his fingers through his hair. I knew Leah was itching to get married, I knew he was worrying about me too much. As much as I want him to be available for me, I wanted to see him happy.

"I'll make a deal with you," I said suddenly.

"What?" he replied, sounding annoyed.

"You set a date and I'll set a date."

Jake froze and I snuck a peek at him, there was a look of complete disbelief on his face.

"Really?"

"Yeah, you set a date with Leah, so you can start working on my nieces and nephews," I said with a smile. I could just imagine how adorable they would be and I planned to be there every step of the way.

Jake gave me a big smile, "Ok, I'll work on it."

"Good." I said, smiling back. And for the first time in a long while, I suddenly felt alive.

***

"I don't think the Chanel jackets going to work," I said to Alice who had just started her make up.

"Bella, that jacket is way to warm for you to work in, I already put something together for you," she said as she walked into the walk-in closet, bringing out black skinny jeans, a white tank and an ultra tight fitted sweater. She then added a multi-layered silver necklace to complete the look. Thankfully, I had no bruising my feet so she added silver ballet slippers.

Since I don't really wear make up, I added a bit of mascara, Tarte's cheek stain blush and pink gloss to my lips. My hair was deep conditioned and Alice had created nice waves down my back. While Alice was fiddling with her hair I painted my nails, something I hadn't done in years.

I went to the music room where Alice left the camera equipment and additional batteries charging, along with back up memory cards. I knew her giving me the job of 'band photographer' was just a ploy to get me out of the house, but I took it seriously. I wanted to make sure I captured the right images they were seeking for the website. As I was packing the camera bag my phone rang, sighing I answered it, knowing it was James.

"Hello."

"Where are you?" he demanded.

"James, I told you this morning I was going to the benefit," I said frowning, I'd asked him over dinner last week, and he approved.

"I don't remember talking about this," he said.

"James, remember I told you I was as hired to take photos? You said, why would they hired an incompetent photographer, I know you love to slinging insults my way on a daily basis, but I would figured this would stand out, since I'm attending one of the biggest events in Forks," I said simply not caring. I already knew what to expect when I got home, since he was upset that I wasn't there. I knew this last week with no 'episodes' would end soon. Apparently, tonight was the night, great, something to look forward to.

"Remember who you're talking to Izzy," he said, his voice low and deadly.

"James, I never forget who I'm talking to," I said, praying I wouldn't cry. "I'll be home after the show, I promise." He clicked off, I stood there for anther minute trying to calm myself, and I could feel another panic attack coming on. I thought about it, maybe I should talk to Carlisle about anxiety medication, until I got out of this mess.

"You ok Bella?" Emmett asked, looking at me with concern.

"I'm ok Emmett, just need to regroup," I said. Emmett went to the mini fridge to get me a bottle of water. He pulled it out and handed me a pill.

"Xanax," he looked at me expectantly.

"So you're a doctor on the side too?" I said with a smile. Even though Emmett was smaller than Jake in size, it was his penetrating blue eyes that unnerved me, a more intense version of Carlisle.

"No, I had them on hand for Alice. She has major stage fright, and I recognize an oncoming panic attack when I see one."

"I see," was all I could think to say.

"How often?" he inquired.

"They use to be once a month, but it's a daily thing now," I said quietly. I didn't tell him they'd increased to twice a day in the last week.

"I see, so then you definitely need it," he said. 'Happy-go-lucky' Emmett was much easier to deal with, than the 'I'm-super-observant' Emmett. As I was planning my escape from his scrutiny, 3 guys I'd never seen before came into the room. They greeted Emmett, and he explained they were the band's roadies that had come by to help transport all the instruments for tonight's performance.

I decided to drive myself to the Benefit, since I needed to get home as soon as it was over. I had my passes, so getting into the venue wasn't any trouble.

I was making my first round around the room when I saw Rosalie dressed in a black halter top and shiny leggings, wearing black stilettos; her usually wild curly hair was straight in a mohawk-esque ponytail. She was followed by Emmett, in his white long sleeve shirt black skinny tie; a black fedora covered his newly blond hair, and black trousers. Alice was in black trouser hot pants, a corset top, and Christian Louboutin Mary Jane's, her flaming magenta red hair fell into loose curls down her back. Jasper, was dressed head to toe black with a blue tie that matched his eyes.

I had always thought Carlisle was an extremely attractive man with his Hollywood good looks, but seeing him in a black suit that was reminiscence of the 50's Brat Pack, was the reason why women found ways to injure themselves in order to be treated by the ER doctor. And Esme, already a pretty woman in casual clothing was simply breath taking in her black and white strapless dress, which showed off a figure that rivaled Rosalie's.

They were a stunning family; I was able to capture everyone's arrival, except for Edward's. As tables were filling up, I was just about to walk over when I saw Edward walk in, and he took my breath away. He was wearing a black shirt with the sleeves rolled up, with a pen-stripe vest that had a silver chain hanging from it, and black trousers. His bronze hair was shorter than when I'd seen him last and it was out of control as usual, but it fit him. He sent me a half grin and then sat down with his family. At first, I couldn't move, but when Alice waved me over, my feet finally decided to work.

I sat down between Edward and Alice, and as I was sipping my water I felt Edward's hands playing with my hair. I stopped breathing.

"Soft," he said, his eyes playful.

"Thanks," I replied, when he brought out his one shot camera.

"Picture time," he said and took a picture of us. We did this once before, I had the picture hidden in my stash bag, in the trunk of my car. "Dad can you get a group picture?" Edward handed Alice's camera to Carlisle. He leaned into me as Alice scooted in to get closer, Jasper, Rosalie and Emmett stood behind us.

"That was fun," Edward whispered.

"Thrilling," I said with a small smile.

"Did you think about what I said the other day?" he suddenly asked.

"Actually, all the time," I said truthfully.

"Good," he replied, and left to mingle with the fans that had purchased tables. I watched Edward and the rest of the band work the room, he spoke to everyone from his father's colleague's to the few cancer patients who were able to attend.

Carlisle came on stage to announce all performances would be web-cast, as rumored, and one of the headliner's Vladimir cancelled at the last minute; Edward and Jasper were revising the set list when I heard someone call my name. I turned to see James's Cousin Alec, and my stomach dropped. Alec was as devious as his sister Jane.

"Hello Alec," I said surprisingly.

"Hello Izzy, what are you doing here?" he inquired.

"I'm taking photos for the Cullen website," I replied.

"I see." Alec never said much, he had been a creepy bastard for as long as I could remember. "Where's your friend Jake? Isn't coming tonight?" he inquired, and my heart started to beat faster. He and Jake were far from friends.

"No, he's out of town," I said frostily.

"That's too bad. I'll let James know I saw you tonight," he said and walked away. Great, James is getting hourly reports. I shouldn't have been surprised to see Alec here, since his law firm was one of the most renowned firms in the Northwest. His sister and partner Jane looked reputable on the outside, but on the inside, they were corrupt to the core.

James never had any problem bragging about how many politicians they had in their pockets. I felt the knots in my stomach start forming; I looked around for Emmett, thinking I may need to hit him up for another Xanax.

The crowd let out a collective roar when Jasper walked onto the stage signaling that the Cullen's portion of the show was about to begin. He was followed by the other members of the band, and as usual, Edward was the last to appear on stage. Edward was grinning as he took a seat behind the piano. "Thanks for the warm welcome….This is one of my mom's favorite songs, and we wanted to take it old school tonight," Edward told the crowd. Esme was out her chair joining me in front of the stage as they started playing an updated version of Jackie Wilson's 'Higher and Higher'.

When the song ended Esme screamed, "I LOVE YOU EDWARD!" Everyone started laughing. "Thank you, Mom," he said smiling as he strapped on his electric guitar, with Jasper taking the lead on Cake's "Going the Distance". Never one to be left out of the fun, Emmett went into his rendition of Beastie Boys classic 'Fight for your Right', with Edward and Jasper backing him up, and when they replaced 'you're just jealous, it's the Beastie Boys!' with 'Cullen Boys', the girls in the crowd went into a frenzy.

At first, I assumed Edward was taking a backseat to let his friends take lead, but he was just warming up, because Edward was in complete rock star mode by the time he started singing Local H's "Bound for the Floor" and Smashing Pumpkin's "1979". He may have had his family and friends as band members, but it was Edward that owned the stage, and he dared anyone to tell him differently. Instead of playing his own music he wanted to play the music that motivated him, and if I thought he was sexy before, I was sadly mistaken.

I was reviewing the last few shots when I heard him sing a familiar song; I wanted to hide, so I could hyperventilate in private.

Kissing like a bandit stealing time
Underneath the sycamore tree
Cupid by the hour sends valentines
To my sweet lover and me
Slowly
Surely
Yours appetite is more than I know
Sweetly
Softly
I'm falling in love with you

When he caught my gaze he sent me his signature smirk he continued to sing Terence Trent Darby's, 'Wishing Well', it was one of the songs that Edward had playing when we made love. Fucker played dirty.

The band was taking a break, and I took the opportunity to take a few more pictures around the room, I snapped a few of Esme and Carlisle, staff members, and many of the Cullen fans, who were excited to just be there. As the house lights started to dim again, I went back to stand near Carlisle and Esme.

With the little light on the stage I was able to see Edward make his way to the piano, Jasper had an acoustic guitar, and Rose had her brushes and a single snare. The only one not on stage was Emmett; he came over to the table with a huge grin.

"Wait till you hear this!" he said, as Alice made her way to center stage. Alice told me she was going to sing lead on one of the songs, but I didn't see her rehearse and she wouldn't tell me what she was singing. "Oh, so you know, this is your song, and you have to tell me I was amazing even if I suck!" she said to me when we were getting dressed, I didn't know how to respond to that comment.

Alice stood in front of the microphone, I could hear the fans squealing her name; she was abnormally calm as Jasper started to strum his guitar. When I saw her in the in the viewfinder, I noticed she added the antique, black lace, fingerless gloves, she told me Jasper bought for her while he backpacked in Paris the summer they started dating. Alice looked beautiful as usual, but more regal tonight.

That I would be good even if I did nothing
That I would be good even if I got the thumbs down
That I would be good if I got and stayed sick
That I would be good even if I gained ten pounds

As I was standing at the front of the stage, I was completely mesmerized, even her parents and older brother were lost under her spell. Her voice wasn't what I expected, it was Christina Aguilera and Alicia Keys all mixed into one.

That I would be fine even if I went bankrupt
That I would be good if I lost my hair and my youth
That I would be great if I was no longer queen
That I would be grand if I was not all knowing

That I would be loved even when I numb myself

As Alice sung those words to me, she gazed at me with such intensity that I was paralyzed. Esme laced her fingers through my right hand and Emmett on my left gently rubbed my back. Somehow, in a short period of time, I had acquired a new family, who wanted to protect me.

That I would be loved even when I was fuming
That I would be good even if I was clingy

Even as her emotion filled her, her voice cracked and tears trailed down her face, I couldn't look away. Esme's squeezed my hand and I had to remember to breathe.

That I would be good even if I lost sanity

It was as if she knew I was plagued with terrifying nightmares, as if she knew, I was losing my mind on a daily basis. I'd been terrified Edward was right, that I would die if I stayed with James.


That I would be good
Whether with or without you

She held my gaze for a few seconds longer after she sung the last line; she gave a weak smile to her parents and brother, and made a graceful exit. The Cullen's went back stage to comfort her; I was rooted in my spot. Edward, Rose and Jasper wrapped up the song, leaving only Edward behind, on the stage.

He caught my gaze and started playing, it wasn't piece I was familiar with, he didn't sing, only played. His bronze hair was sticking in every direction, and he played with soul, as Alice did moments before. When he ended his unexpected solo, the stage went dark once more. It wasn't until I heard the crowd erupt, that I remembered they were in the room with me.

I walked to the backstage area; Alice had her back to me, wrapped in Jasper's arms. I was turning to leave; I didn't want to interrupt, when I heard her call my name. In her high heels we were finally the same height, she marched over to me taking my face in her hands.

"Did you understand the song?" she said, tears still streaming down her cheeks.

"Yeah, I got it," I said, unable to see. "I'm still scared."

"Don't worry, we'll get you through it," she said embracing me. I don't know how long we stood like that.

"Alice?"

"Yes, Bella?"

"Thank you," I said softly.

"Anytime," she said, as she kissed my cheek. She refreshed her makeup and joined the band on stage. From the side of the stage I took a few photos and then made my way to the floor.

A few girls in the crowd were screaming for Jasper as he was singing a bluesy version of Robbie William's 'Angels'. Rose, came from behind the drum set; she and Jasper did an acoustic version of King of Leon's 'Use Somebody'.

Finally, to lighten the mood, Emmett did his version of Madonna's 'Burnin' Up', he got the crowd pumped up again. Edward signaled him to continue, and he went into 'Suga, Suga', with Jasper backing him.

When Edward started singing 'Kody' by Matchbox Twenty, I felt as if Edward kicked me in the stomach. I had told him this was the song I played for a month straight, after my father died. I was trying to hold back the tears from falling, but images of Charlie popped in my head, the pain was so intense I could have doubled over. Edward was looking at me from the stage when I felt Esme touch my arm.

"Bella, are you ok?" she asked.

"Yeah," I said and distracting myself with taking more pictures. Edward was singing 'Wake Up', by Arcade Fire, the fans were singing right along with him. Edward would stop singing but the crowd kept the song going, and you could see he was getting a kick out it. After they finished Green Day's 'Boulevard of Broken Dreams', which was the original closing song, Edward changed the plan.

"I want to thank everyone who came out tonight, and a special thank you to those who placed bids on auctions and to the winners. Did ya'll have fun tonight?" as usual, the crowd went wild. "Ok, trivia time. Who taught me how to play guitar?" Some random answers filtered through the small crowd.

"Wow, no one guessed?" Edward said in mocking voice, he shook his head and smiled. "It was one of the organizers for this shindig, my dad, Dr. Carlisle Cullen. Yes, he's one of the best doctors on the west coast but he also can play a mean guitar. Now, I would like for my dad to come out here and sing the song he said made my mother 'fall in love with him'," he said. I'd only ever seen Carlisle cool and collected, but tonight, to see him actually blush, was endearing, along with Esme.

While Emmett started the "Carlisle" chant, Edward was holding out an electric guitar joining in, finally Carlisle made his way up to the stage. He removed his jacket and handed it to the roadie, who was standing nearby.

"Edward, you will pay for this," Carlisle said into the microphone, as he strapped on the guitar Edward handed him. "And love," he said staring at Esme, "I told him this was the song that gave you the courage to buy this poor schmuck like me, a drink." He finished with a wink.

I wasn't sure what to expect, but I certainly didn't expect 'Satisfaction', by the Rolling Stones. He sounded like Mick Jagger in the 60's, before the drugs and alcohol put a strain on his vocals; it was fun to see him relaxed and having fun. Alice, on tambourine was dancing between Emmett and Carlisle; it was like a sneak peak into the Cullen home.

When the song ended, Carlisle hugged Edward and then Emmett, he also gave one to Jasper and Rose, who were like his children. He grabbed Alice into a hug that lifted her off the ground, then the band waved to the audience and the stage went black.

I went back stage, found a hidden spot, and snapped more photos of the family together. Someone opened a bottle of champagne, they didn't bother with cups, and they just drank from the bottle.

"Bella! Get over here girl!" Emmett yelled at me, I smiled and joined the group. Alice came up and gave me a hug, as well as Esme and Jasper. Rosalie gave me a half smile, which was the most I usually ever got out of her. Carlisle passed me the bottle with a one swig warning, and a wink. Edward just smiled as Alice gave him another hug.

My phone vibrated again, and I knew it was James. There was no way to mentally prepare for what I was going to encounter when I got home, and I wanted to hold onto this carefree feeling for a little while longer.

I gave the camera back to Alice, since she and Jasper were heading back with Esme and Carlisle. Emmett and Rose left not too long afterwards and Edward and I were left in the parking lot.

"Did you have fun?" he asked leaning against my car, sipping his tea.

"Yeah, it was great," I said softly, my phone vibrating again, it was another text from James that I didn't bother to read. I had better go face the music, "I'm going to take off. Good night Edward."

"Night Bella," he said, watching me get into the car.

I was half a mile from the Cullen's when I felt a panic attack coming on, I couldn't do it. I couldn't go back there. I stopped my car; I could go to Seattle tonight. I picked up the phone sitting in the passenger seat and placed a call.

"Yeah!"

"Hey…" I said, not sure how to start the conversation.

"Bella? Are you ok?" was I ok?

"Edward, she heard you, loud and clear."

"Thank god, where are you?" his voice was suddenly husky.

"Half mile from your place," I said.

"Go there, I'm a few minutes behind you," he said.

"Okay, I'll see ya in a few," I clicked off the phone, I was scared of the aftermath, but I also felt some form of relief. For the first time ever, I was selfishly thinking of myself, it was a new feeling.

Instead of continuing southbound to the house I shared with James, I made a right onto the lane leading to the Cullen's home. I could see the lights in the distance, the lane was dark and lined with trees, and I felt completely exposed. I knew I would feel better once I was in the comfort of the Cullen home, so instead of being scared, I viewed the lane as my road to freedom.

I was finally freeing myself of James.

'Bittersweet Symphony' came on the radio; I turned up the volume and started singing at the top of my lungs, the happiness starting to tingle throughout my body. I could barely contain myself, and I needed to share the news with Jake. I grabbed my phone and scrolled for his number. When I was half way to the house, I was about to press send, when James suddenly appeared in the middle of the road. I swerved the car hoping I could avoid hitting him, and barely missed the tree. I hoped I was only hallucinating, but knew that was wishful thinking as the car door swung open.

"Where the FUCK do you think you're going?" James snarled at me as he pulled me out of the car by my hair.

A/N: Okay, how was it? Review time! thxs!