Hello....is anyone here?....I know its been a while since I posted and I'm so SORRY!! But not having a computer really slows me down but my roommate has been patient and told me to post today so I would stop whining.
I have to thank MsBond, when i told her my chapter is going to be short then I throw all this at her i think she went into shock. Lilkel4 & Erickalovesbooks (check out her column on examinar www(.)examiner(.)com/x-26980(-)Anaheim(-)Young(-)Adult(-)Fiction(-)Examiner) for being helpful when I was losing my mind.
The inspirational songs for this chapter is obviously Janet Jackson's What About and Bobby Long's Penance Fire Blues (I mess up titles some awful!)
Don't forget to check out www(.)twilightsisterhood(.)blogspot(.)com
Thank you for reading and if you can please leave a comment!
Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, that glory belongs to Stephanie Meyers but if I did I would have a did ass computer!
What About-Janet Jackson
What about the times you hit my face
What about the times you kept on when I said "no more please"
What about those things
What about that, what about that
What about the times you shamed me
What about the times you said you didn't f*ck her
She only gave you head
What about that, what about that
Don't wanna live my life
In misery
Don't tell me you did it cuz you love me
I don't believe
I'm sick and tired
Your deceptive games
Wonder where you have been
I can't live life wonderin
The sound of a door closing woke me up; it wasn't a loud bang but a silent click. My heart started to race thinking James was coming to take me but I looked around to find the room empty except for a sleeping Edward right in front of me.
Will I ever not be afraid of James? Just as my heart rate started decelerating to its normal speed I looked at Edward, he looked so cute when he slept, I took in his out of control bronze hair, and I could see natural gold and red highlights. Where his hair was light his eye brows and lashes were dark, and with his pale skin they seemed even darker than they really were. His lashes had a natural curl that women would kill for.
Despite the reddish beard he looked younger, softer and his lips…looked so kissable. Edward had great lips, not too big and not too small, all I had to do was lean a little forward and his lips could be on mine. Ohmigod, where are these thoughts coming from?! I removed his arms from my waist and scooted off the bed. I heard him whimper and, when I looked back he was squeezing his eyes shut, his mouth in a grimace. I realized the room had too much sunlight; I moved as quickly as I could to the massive windows to close the heavy drapes, and when I walked over to the bed he was no longer frowning. He was slowly opening his eyes.
"Better?" I whispered.
"Yes."
"Good, I'll see you downstairs," I whispered back, leaning over him and giving him a peck on the forehead. He grinned up at me as I walked out of his room. Just as I was closing the door, Alice was exiting her room she looked up and sent me a knowing smirk.
"Nothing happened so stop," I said as I walked into the room I was occupying with Alice, close on my tail.
"I didn't say a word Bella. Someone must have a guilty conscious."
"Whatever. Why are you irritating me so early in the morning?"
"Cause I love you," she said with a grin. I tried to throw a pillow at her which made her laugh when it fell at her feet never touching her. I enjoyed moments like this with Alice, I was able to be carefree and not watch myself. "How are you feeling?"
"Rested," I said after a moment. I realized I did feel rested, I haven't felt this good in years.
"No pain?" she asked trying not to look worried.
"The pain is tolerable, I've had worse."
"Doesn't make it right but I will accept that answer. Be sure to take your pain medication and if it increases, tell Dad."
"Yes, Dr. Cullen."
"Well someone has to take care of you! Now get changed and meet me in the kitchen for breakfast," she said, as she made her way out of my room and I went into my adjoining bathroom to shower.
****
It took me about 30 minutes to shower and change into a pair of jeans and one of Esme's old work shirts. I needed to go by the house to pick up the remainder of my clothing, not that it was much, but it would help me out until I could, afford to buy more. I threw my hair into a sloppy bun since combing it made breathing difficult, I knew today I had no choice but to ask one of the girls to help me comb my hair. If I were still living with James, I would go to La Push and ask Jake to help me because surprisingly, he does the best French braids.
When I walked into the kitchen I was shocked to see Alice at the stove deep in concentration, cooking. When I walked over I still couldn't figure out what it was, but the smell alone assured me that I didn't want to eat it.
"What the hell is that?" I asked, startling Alice.
"French toast," she said in a defeated voice.
"Well sweetie, I hate to break it to you, but that is NOT French toast," I said as I glanced over at her other attempts she had stacked on the plate beside her. The food looked like dried out vomit, I was getting physically ill. "Ace, clean this up and I'll help you out."
"No, you're not to cook. I can do this; I'm just having some setbacks, that's all."
"Sorry, there is no coming back from this crap."
"Bella…," she whined.
"Don't Bella me, just clean it up. Do you have more eggs?" I asked, as I checked the refrigerator for the necessary ingredients.
"Fine but I will get everything, you're not to lift too much," Alice said, as she nudged me out of the way and gathered everything I needed, which turned out to be enough food to feed a small army.
"Alice, this seems like a bit much."
"I'm sorry, have you not met my huge ass brother, Emmett?" she said sarcastically. "My mom doubles up on food when she knows he's coming to town, in fact she's placing an order today with the local grocery store. So don't worry."
She was right; Emmett could eat a bear and still be hungry. Once everything was in place I started cooking, Alice continued to clean up the mess she had created and helped me keep my messiness to a minimum while I was cooking.
"Is that French toast I smell?" I heard Emmett say. His eyes were barely open, his hair was all over his head, a curlier version of Edward and I could tell he'd just gotten out of bed.
"Yes, are you hungry?" I wanted to laugh when he nodded anxiously, eyeing the food Alice put on the table. Emmett always seemed to be hungry but never seemed to gain a pound, other than more muscle.
"Thanks Bella!" he exclaimed as I handed him a plate. While he was loading up his plate Esme and Carlisle hesitantly walked into the kitchen. They visibly relaxed when they realized I cooked breakfast and not Alice, they too began to load their plates. Apparently they had been subjected to Alice's cooking and were afraid of what they'd find. Rosalie, Edward and Jasper finally joined them while Emmett was on his second helping, thankfully I'd made enough for everyone to have seconds.
"Where's the coffee?" Edward asked, and then everything went in slow motion, I couldn't breathe, and I closed my eyes while I braced for the sting. Holyfuck I forgot the coffee. I waited for the oncoming blow. "Bella?" he said softly. My eyes fluttered open, Edward was standing in front of me looking concerned. I looked around and everyone was staring at me, no one had to tell me that my face was beet red from embarrassment. Not able to take the looks, I walked out of the kitchen, my fast pace making my already aching side worse.
"Bella wait!" I heard Edward behind me, but I didn't stop, I couldn't believe I freaked out like that in front of everyone. I was opening the door to my room when I felt Edward's hand close around my upper arm.
"Bella, will you stop?"
"Edward, I'm begging you to just leave me alone, please?" I pleaded as I shrugged from his grip.
"No, I'm not letting this go. Did you think I was going to hit you?" he asked, as he followed me into the room. I couldn't form an answer; I felt horrible but I wasn't sure how to explain what was going through my head at that moment.
"You're safe here, ok?" I could barely manage a nod as the tears came so fast I could barely see.
"I know Edward...I just always forgot the coffee, it was so simple, but I could never get it right."
"You did everything right, he was wrong. You did nothing wrong," he said, gathering me into a hug.
"Bella sweetie, are you ok?" Esme said from the doorway with a look of worry on her face.
"Yeah, I'm better," I said, as I gave Edward one last squeeze and stepped from his embrace.
"Good, because I wanted to tell you breakfast was delicious. Absolutely perfect and thank you for saving us from Alice's cooking," she said, as she gave me a reassuring hug and we walked out of the bedroom into the hall where Carlisle was waiting.
"Unfortunately, Carlisle and I have to get ready for work, but we'll be back by 2 ok?" she assured me. Edward and I made our way back down stairs. I was trying to prepare myself for a tense situation in the kitchen.
"Thank god you took over the cooking, I didn't want to end up back in the hospital," Edward said with a grin once we were alone.
"I have no comment, but I'm glad you enjoyed it," I said, as we walked into the kitchen. Alice was waiting for our return, ran over and gave me a hug.
"You ok?"
"Yeah Alice, I'm good," I said.
"Well Bella, I have to say that you know how to throw down! Damn that was good!" Emmett said when he brought his plate to the sink, and seemed to break the tension in the room.
"You're welcome, Emmett," I murmured. I began to slowly wash the dishes, I knew there was a dishwasher but this was soothing for me. It gave me time to get myself together.
"Personally, I think coffee made at home is overrated, I am a Starbucks whore," Emmett said.
"There's no Starbucks in Forks, dipshit," Jasper replied lazily as he gently took the sponge out of my hands and continued to wash the dishes. Emmett snagged a drying towel before I had a chance and pointed to the chair for me to sit.
"I know, I've been twitching since I got home."
"I think a coffee road trip is in order," Alice quipped.
"We are not driving 40 minutes for a cup of coffee," Edward said, sitting in a chair across from me. "Then again, I could use an Americano."
"White Chocolate mocha sounds hella good," Emmett said with a gleam in his eyes as he put away the dish he was drying.
"Yeah? Well I hate to be the voice of reason, but the Stooges will be here in a couple of hours so no Starbucks run," Rosalie injected.
"Shit, all of them?" Edward asked looking annoyed.
"No, just Mike and Eric. You know Ben doesn't show unless you ask him and Tyler is working with some LA bands while we're on sabbatical."
"Who are the stooges?" I asked confused, wondering if it was a cousin or something.
"The management team for the band. We call them the Stooges because sometimes Mike, Tyler and Eric in one room can be quite comical. I do believe they will be on their best behavior though, since Edward just got out of the hospital," Rosalie explained.
"They drive Esme crazy," Jasper added with a chuckle. "She banned them from the hospital because they were irritating her so much."
"Yeah whatever, they're irritating fucktards but they get the job done. Now Rose, you're not feigning for a mocha Frappuccino?" Emmett inquired, going back to the Starbucks trip.
"I had my fill when I took Bellina in PA to get her teeth fixed. She hadn't been there in years, so we indulged in a little girl time," she said with a wink. All eyes were focused on me; as usual my cheeks were burning from embarrassment.
"Yeah it was good," I stated quietly, Emmett shook his head with envy, considering he was originally supposed to take me, but Edward needed help getting through the fans and photographers, so Rose volunteered to take me instead.
"Bellina? You even have a new nickname?! How could you have girl time without ME?" Alice exclaimed, looking between Rose and myself in disbelief.
"Sorry Ace," Rose and I said together and started laughing.
***
After breakfast I took a walk around the back yard. With everyone in the house at the same time it was a little overwhelming. I was used to spending my days in solitude, and even when I hung out with Jake it was just the two of us until the guys got off from work, and then I usually had to leave a few minutes later.
Not that the Cullen's were bad, more like they reminded me of what I wanted to be. Happy. Hell I would settle for contentment at this point, I just needed to be rid of this fear. I knew I was over analyzing things the longer I stayed outside. I wished Jake could come by but he was swamped after taking last week off to be with me while I was in the hospital, which caused me to feel incredibly guilty. I swallowed the large lump in my throat as I made my way back to the house. Alice was waiting for me at the back door.
"We've been waiting for you," she said.
"Why? Don't you have your meeting?"
"Yes, that includes you too."
"I'm not in the band." I really wanted to escape to my room.
"Yes but you're our photographer so we need to review the photos," she reminded me.
"Alice, I'm still not a part of the band. I was just doing you a favor; I just hope they don't need a lot of editing."
"Bella, I admit I gave you the job because I wanted to make sure you were okay; but it was a real gig. Edward hasn't approved any of the other photographers anyone has recommended. Trust me when I say, you're helping us," she said, as she grabbed my hand and lead me to an office near the door that leads to the music room.
I had never really noticed this room before; there were two large desks with flower glass tops, a keyboard, with 2 large computer monitors that looked to be about 24 inches. On one wall there was a 40 inch flat screen, everyone was already seated and looked to be waiting for me. There were two guys I hadn't met before; one was a tall blond guy who was talking animatedly with Edward.
Alice took a seat behind the desk and started tapping on the keys as I looked around for a place to sit, when I heard, "You must be Isabella Ramsey." A tall Asian man with moderate good looks but overly trendy hair, grabbed my hand and said, "I'm Eric, nice to finally meet the woman behind the headlines."
"Nice to meet you," I murmured, Edward nodded to the spot between him and Emmett on the couch. Before I had a chance to make my way over there, the guy with the spiky blond hair was next to me, grabbing my hand from Eric.
"Hello, I'm Mike. The band manager, nice to meet you Isabella," Mike said gazing at me, he'd yet to let go of my hand just smiling at me, I looked over to see Edward giving Mike the death stare.
"Mike, would you kindly let go of her hand," Edward said coldly. Mike gave my hand an extra squeeze before he released my hand. I took my seat between the two brothers, thankful that neither newcomer would sit next to me.
"Ok, Eric and Mike you've met Isabella, we're going to review the pictures she's been taking since we've been back home and of course what she took at the benefit, as well as some of the submitted items from the fans," Alice said getting the meeting started.
"You will see a number at the bottom please write down your favorites and we will add to the website," Eric instructed.
The room darkened and the screen filled with pictures: Edward tuning his guitar, or shadow boxing with Emmett, one of Jasper kissing Alice's head while she read a magazine, a few of Alice and Edward practicing the piano together, and Rose smiling while eating ice cream, that's when I felt a ball of paper thrown at me by Rose. Most of the pictures were candid's, when no one realized I was nearby.
One of my favorites from the benefit had to be of Carlisle on stage with Edward and Emmett, and you could see Alice dancing in the background. Emmett nudged me when he saw a shot of a tearful Alice singing, she looked so beautiful and graceful. I didn't do anything special that was all Alice.
A collective gasp was heard when the last 2 pictures appeared on the screen, it was taken this morning when Edward and I were asleep; my head was buried into his chest as he held me close. It looked so natural, so right.
"Alice, What the FUCK?" Edward roared.
"That will teach you not to wake me up at 4 am," Alice retorted, then had the audacity to look embarrassed. "Sorry, I went in there to check on you and you both looked so adorable, finally so fucking relaxed I had to get a picture. I didn't mean to load them onto this slideshow, I was going show it to you guys privately."
"Is that all the pictures?" Edward asked tersely.
"Yes, those are the only 2 I took."
"Ok, Ace, that wasn't cool. Please remove them from the file. Edward, calm down before you have an aneurism," Jasper ordered. "Now Mike, Eric, is there anything else?"
"Um…yeah," Mike started hesitantly looking at Eric.
"Right, the LA office has been bombarded with cards and well wishes. Of course the standard autographs which we normally send, the printed signature photos to, but a few of these we think you might want to personalize yourselves. There are about 10, so if you could sign them before I leave tonight that would be great," Eric said as he passed out Sharpies, then handed the stack of photos to Emmett who signed the first picture then passed it down. There seemed to be a system, it was fascinating to watch.
Mike placed a box on the table and started to remove several large books, they reminded me of text books, but instead of Biology on the binding I saw Edward's name. He had a total of 5 books, and then he placed 2 in front of me, but with Isabella on the binding.
"Some of the fans wanted to send you both well wishes and instead of individual cards they complied these books for each of you. A lot of it is pictures, poems, real cards, well, you'll see," he said as he handed a book to Edward and another to me. Edward opened his book and smiled, I could see there were photos he had taken with fans. There were well wishes written all over the photos.
"Bella, open yours," Alice said breaking my train of thought.
When I opened the book it said, "To Isabella, Never be defeated. Love always, The Cullen Fans". On the next page was my face, on a Lara Craft type body, ready for a fight, and there was a message of get well. Each page contained something different, if it wasn't artwork, it was poetry, but it was the stories from the survivors of spousal abuse that took my breath away.
It was as if they were in my head, reminding me not to give into the fear or break the ties, to stand up for my freedom. Some even left their email addresses and phone numbers in case I needed to talk. Some were older; some had kids and it broke my heart when I thought about children being in that environment.
These women that not only had the courage to leave, but they shared their story with a complete stranger. They opened their hearts to me, when they didn't even know me. They accepted me as I was, flaws and all and this was just book one.
I place the book on the table, taking a deep breath as I stood and walked out the room. I didn't stop walking until I reached Carlisle's office. Once I was inside I locked the door to ensure privacy. Before I lost the little courage I had, I placed the call.
"Cullen."
"Hi Aro, its Bella," my voice was thick from the unshed tears, I had to take a moment to swallow, or I'd be blubbering to Aro, which I think would irritate him.
"Isabella is everything ok?" he asked worriedly, never knowing when my world is going to implode.
"Yes, I'm sorry. I'm ok. I need a favor."
"Sure what do you need," he asked.
"I know you were going to file my separation papers today and I wanted to tell you not to file." I said this quickly, and my request was met with silence. "Aro?"
"You're telling me not to file, is that correct?" he said coldly.
"Yes, that's correct."
"So when are you planning to run back to James, Isabella?"
"No Aro....I… that's not why I asked you to not file."
"Then why?"
"Because I don't want a separation. I want a divorce, fuck this separation shit. I want this farce of a marriage to be over. I need it to be over. How long before its final?" I bombarded him with questions never giving him time to answer. I was suddenly anxious to get this show on the road.
"You want me to file divorce papers?" he asked.
"Yes, I know I will have to resign the paperwork but this is a cleaner break. Why should I prolong this misery?"
"I agree. I will be there in a few hours to have you sign the new papers. I can file before the end of the day."
"Thank you Aro. I can't begin to tell you how relieved I am," I said quietly.
"Well my dear, it's my pleasure to start the paperwork. If Ramsey doesn't contest the divorce it could take 90 days."
"And if he does contest?"
"Then you'll have to at least wait 6 months to a year," he said. This worried me; I hoped James would just sign the papers so we both could be free. He could make Victoria's life a living hell and leave me the fuck alone. "Don't let this discourage you Isabella. We can remind the court he is an abuser and the courts will toss out any protest he throws our way. I just want you prepared, ok?"
"Ok. Thank Aro. See you in a few hours."
"Until then," and he hung up.
I did it! I'm getting a fucking divorce! I picked up the phone again and called Jake.
"Yeah," Jake said as a way of a greeting, what is it with men and their lack of phone manners?
"I'm filing Jake."
"Fuck Bella! Are you serious?" he asked.
"Yes, I told Aro and he's going to file later today," I said excitedly.
"I'm so fuckin' proud of you! This is cause for celebration!"
"I agree, and when things get settled and I'm off pain medication I think we should have a kick ass party on the Rez!"
"You got it babe! I'm proud of you." He was repeating himself but I think he was truly stunned I took the plunge, we both were.
Jake had been my constant warrior for so long, when everyone else had given up hope he stood by me, just when I thought he was ready to give up, he came back full force. "Thank you Jake….for everything." I said softly, 'Thanks' didn't seem good enough but it was all I could say or I'd break down, become incoherent.
"You don't have to thank me for that; I couldn't lose you, besides I was just too fucking stubborn to give up."
"I love your stubborn ways," I said with a chuckle. I went on to tell him about the 'Get Well' books I received and how the words of encouragement were overwhelming, as we spoke the silent tears continued down my face. He told me he'd come by in couple of days once work calmed down and he would take a look at the books with me. He couldn't talk long because he had to get back to work but when I hung up the phone I felt relieved and exhilarated.
The invisible weight on my shoulder was getting lighter, the possibilities were endless. As long as I stayed away from the dark place and didn't allow the fear to take over, I could do whatever I wanted, then my aches and pain would be worth it.
When I opened the door Edward and Alice were waiting anxiously. "Bella I'm sorry about the pictures, please forgive me?" Alice asked. Why did she think I was upset? The confusion must have been apparent. "You left the room suddenly and I thought you were still angry at me."
"No, I honestly hadn't thought about the pictures. I should be angry but I'm not, so stop worrying."
"Then why did you leave the room so suddenly?" Edward asked.
"I needed to make a phone call," I replied with a grin on my face.
"Then who made you cry?" he asked suspiciously as he and Alice inspected my face closely.
Crap! I really thought I wiped away all my tears from my face after my phone call with Jake. "I just called Aro and Jake," I said as I walked out of Carlisle's office, it was like déjà vu, Edward and I were dealing with my issues just a few hours ago because I was mental.
"I called Aro about my separation papers," I said.
"What about them? You're filing, right?" Alice asked anxiously.
"Alice!" Edward gave her a look which caused Alice to back down. "Whatever you decide….we'll be supportive," Edward said stiffly.
"Great cause in 90 days I want to go Vegas, to celebrate my divorce in style. Yes, Alice that means we get to go shopping."
I left them standing there as I proceeded down the hall towards the office where the band meeting was taking place. This place was insanely huge. I walked into the office to find Jasper and Emmett missing, leaving Rose, who was arguing with Eric and Mike about something. I felt like I was intruding but Alice and Edward were on my heels so I couldn't back out. I quietly took a seat on the leather sofa.
"What's going on in here?" Edward asked taking a seat next to me.
"Rosalie is being stubborn," Mike replied drily.
"That's Rose you should know that by now. Could we hurry this up my head is killing me," Edward retorted with a frown. I began to recognize that look; it meant he needed some medication.
"Where's your medication?" I whispered to him.
"Pocket."
"Then take it."
"I don't want to, it makes me drowsy," he said with a pout.
"Stop being a baby and take your medication."
"Are you always this bossy?"
"Someone needs to be," I said reaching over until I found his pills in his left pocket. I shook out 2 pills and handed them to him and then gave him one of the many bottles of water sitting out for the meeting.
"How is it you're in pain, but you bounce around like nothing is wrong?"
"I've had more practice."
"I hate when you say shit like that," he murmured.
"What? It's the truth Edward," I said, my gaze never wavering. "I'm used to the pain."
"That doesn't make it right. Just because you've….been…" he struggled with his words.
"Beaten, repeatedly," I finished, his eyes looked so pained and I knew it didn't stem from the headache.
"As long as I can feel the pain I know I'm alive. The day I go numb, I'm dead," I whispered.
"Eric, I repeat I'm NOT DOING THE SHOOT," Rose yelled, interrupting our discussion.
"Seriously guys if she says no, then you need to respect that choice," Jasper said trying to mediate.
"Jasper it's not every day we get big magazines chasing a drummer. They want Rose, not just an article but the fucking cover! Do you not understand what this means?" Eric shot back. I wasn't use to heated discussions like this, James usually spoke and I listened.
"He's right Jasper, they don't usually do this for a drummer of a band.....but Eric you have to respect Rose's decision," Alice inserted looking torn.
"Sorry to hear you agree with Rose, since you would have been the stylist on this shoot," Eric said softly.
"Eric, I've warned you about trying to pit us against each other. Do it again and I will find a new management company," Edward said, his eyes were closed. "Do you know how many teams have approached me to lure me away from Breaking Dawn Management? But I stay loyal and I ask you do the same. Do it again….one more time and I'm gone." Edward stood and walked out the door, no one spoke.
"You guys seriously pissed him off this time," Emmett said from the doorway, I hadn't even noticed he came back in the room.
"Should someone go talk to him," I asked.
"No, leave him be. Eric, Mike, the meeting is over, we'll be in touch," Jasper answered. Mike glared at Eric as they packed up their bags, Emmett followed to escort them out.
"Well that went well," Alice said.
***
Life was starting to look brighter. Since I filed for divorce I'd gotten had the pep back in my step. I developed this underlining burst of happiness that I hadn't felt in years. After the crazy band meeting the other day, Alice and I started editing pictures from the benefit for the website, it took my mind off James; I was able to tap into my creative side. I was still unsure and didn't voice my opinions until Alice threw a fit.
"Dammit Bella, stop agreeing with me and tell me what you really think," she fumed. "I'd rather you tell me what you really think of my ideas, not just agree with me."
"I don't want to hurt your feelings," I said, I could feel my face flushing.
"You hurt me more when you lie and agree." Alice rarely lost her temper with me, she usually saved that for her brothers.
"Fine, your idea is ridiculous and way too girlie. Too much pink. Cullen has a great male fan base and you don't want to lose that."
"How would I lose them?"
"By making the site to girlie! Flowers?! Really?"
"But they're lotus flowers…."
"You don't need them everywhere."
"Oh thank God you said something!" Edward said from the couch he was laying on, his eyes still closed. "I swear I was waiting for Hello Kitty to make an appearance."
Alice huffed as she typed out a bulletin she planned to post on the website, she was trying to keep it short and simple but she was stumbling over her words and wanted Edward to review it, but every time he tried to focus too much he became dizzy. I was about to help him out and read it myself when Aro knocked on the door. We were all shocked to see him standing there, I didn't know Aro well, but I knew when he wasn't in the best of moods and today was one of them. Alice greeted her uncle with an eager hug.
"Hey Aro, I wasn't expecting you today," Edward said with a smile as he gave his uncle a hug.
"Do I need a reason to see my favorite nephews and niece?" he replied.
"Since we're the only ones you have, then no, you don't need a reason. But you look like you could use a drink."
"You're right I could use a drink but not until I speak with Isabella….in private," he said grimly. Edward looked between Aro and myself, my chest began to pound, what could James have done in the last 48 hours?
"Sure…Bells?" Edward looked to me to see if this was ok, I gave him a weak smile and nod. I saved Alice's bulletin to the site and logged out as Edward and Alice left the office closing the door behind them. Aro stood in the middle of the room, looking like the powerful attorney everyone feared on the judicial circuit.
"Ok, we're alone now. What's going on?"
"When I first took your case you spoke of how your father's insurance had lapsed therefore, you had nothing and depended on the Ramsey's." I hated to think my father was so absent minded he forgot to pay on something like life insurance, especially in his line of work but it happened. I never dwelled on it.
"Yes, that's correct," I said.
"From what I've found though, your father never let his life insurance lapse, the only insurance that lapsed in his name, was for a truck that was later junked by Billy Black."
"I don't understand."
"Your father was a city official, the Chief of Police, so an insurance policy was automatically set up," Aro said quietly and went on to say. "Your father set it up as a trust. If you were under 21 at the time of his death the executor would have control of the money. If you were married by the time you turned 21 the trust would automatically be ran by your husband until your 21st birthday."
I let his words sink in; I was married a few weeks before my 21st birthday. James's father was all over me about dating James since I turned 18, telling me how James would take care of me. In fact tomorrow was my anniversary, a date I tried not to think about.
"How?"
"You were underage. Your father at that time trusted Harold Ramsey, Jane and Alec's father. When Ramsey became your guardian the control automatically went to him."
"How was I not told after all these years?"
"It was easy actually. Once he became your guardian he never needed your permission to access the money. But if he turned the trust over to you when you turned 21 and noticed most of the money gone it would have been a problem, so when you married James, you were kept in the dark."
"How in the fuck is that legal?" I yelled.
"It's not; it's completely and utterly illegal. They treated you as if you were too incompetent to handle your own funds."
"I had a job from the moment I moved into that house, I gave them my pay check every week so I could help out, because money was always so tight," I fumed.
"I'm sorry Isabella. In all honesty if you'd gone to the Blacks you would have known about the money, there was no way they could have hidden it from you, but as long as a Ramsey was in charge they controlled you," Aro stated.
Control, that's all they ever wanted and I gave it to them. Harold and James's father, Willie always made sure I understood how much of a hardship I was on them. As much as I wanted to run the Blacks it was too hard on me emotionally. Being around Billie was like being around my dad. They looked nothing a like except for the dark hair and brown eyes. They were around each other so much they had the same mannerisms, and I knew the Blacks were already struggling, I didn't want to add to their hardship. I'd plan to get a scholarship to attend college but my grades were never good enough. James use to constantly tell me how stupid I was, he was right, though I was a first class idiot.
"How much?" I asked, holding my breath.
"A little over half a million dollars." WHAT THE FUCK!!
"Half a million? From Forks?"
"No, $100,000 from Forks, your dad did the rest on his own," Aro said quietly.
"Aro…..," I tried to form a sentence. "Where's the money now?"
"Most went into the house you were living in, plus the cars and William bought into the firm, so James owns a share."
"What do you mean?"
"Before the serial twins came aboard, the firm was doing badly. But when they took over some dying firms took a chance with them on some lucrative mergers which put them on the map. They stayed local which made shady businesses gravitate towards them," Aro continued to explain.
Again I had no words; my mind was trying to wrap itself around what was going on. My father didn't leave me destitute, I knew he let people borrow money all the time, he said as long as we had a roof over our head and food on the table we were doing fine. So I never questioned his methods, when I said I would do community college then transfer for financial reasons he told me never to worry, I would always be taken care of. Even in death he tried to make sure I was taken care of….
"I have to get out of here," I said, I didn't know where to go. I wanted to run to Jake, I wanted to find James and beat the shit out of him. Why would they do this? How could they do this?
I was completely numb, literally stripped. Tired of discussing the debacle that was my life I went into the pantry, found a Seattle Mariner's water jug, once I cleaned it up I added some ice, and simultaneously poured vodka and orange juice. I didn't usually mix pain medication and alcohol but my life was already fucked I might as well be drunk. It wasn't something I wanted to do in the company of others, my pity party was a solo act. I bypassed the gazebo, and kept going till I found the spot between the trees close to the creek.
The old cliché 'Can't make a dollar out of fifteen cents' repeated in my head. Not only did the Ramsey's make a dollar but they also took the last little bit of myself worth. Little did they know I would have gladly given them the money as long as I was free. Now the fuckers won't let me go. They already got the money, what more do they need from me?
I was unknowing bought and sold to James. His house…wait, my house, his electronics, that I was never allowed to touch without his permission, were bought with the money my father left me. I was beaten for using the credit cards without James consent. I thought back to how I tried to make my shitty marriage work, even going as far as to buy a few items, and before I could put on my new Fredrick's lingerie, he flipped his switch.
Everything was almost done in the kitchen; James was due home in the next 30 minutes. I was on my way to take a shower when I heard the key turn.
"James you're home early!" I said trying to sound excited.
"Is that a problem?"
"No of course not, I wanted to make sure everything was perfect for our anniversary." I was hoping I sounded cheerful, but his stance made me nervous.
"Oh yeah, today is our anniversary," he said quietly, I felt chills down my spine. We hadn't had an episode in weeks, I thought he was really trying to keep his anger in check and I tried like hell to do absolutely everything perfectly. "What did you do today?"
"Um..I cooked your favorite beef stew, I baked that cherry pie you seemed to enjoy and have been cleaning."
"Any shopping recently?" he asked.
"No, not today. I bought the food when I did the grocery shopping."
"Didn't use the credit card?" he questioned.
"I..I..I used the credit card a few weeks ago," I stammered.
"Hmm," he said as he walked closer to me. "Did you ask me if you could use the credit card?"
"I'm sorry…it was sent to me with my name. I didn't buy a lot, it was all on sale."
"That's not the fucking point Izzy! You don't use my credit cards without my permission!" he yelled. I could feel my body tense as I felt the back of his hand whip across my face. "I don't work my ass off for you to go shopping on a whim! You think this is fucking Beverly Hills?!"
"I bought lingerie for you!" But it was as if he didn't hear me, his fist repeatedly hit me like a punching bag. I curled myself into a ball trying avoid as many blows as possible, but that seemed to anger him further.
"Izzy do you think I want to see you in lingerie?! I have to keep the lights off just to fuck you," he said. As I tried to crawl away he would kick me to slow me down but I finally made it to the bathroom. As I washed my face, I could hear him approach me, my face was still a bloody mess, the swelling was around the eye was already effecting my vision. "Look at you Izzy….I have no desire to waste my money on you. What's the point?"
James had stated before how much I turned him off, our sex life was…not what I imagined it to be. It was mechanical, I usually blanked out, I'd never reached completion but this was my husband and I should try.
I wished I could wipe the memory from my head but it was there, imprinted in my mind. He made me feel like an ungrateful brat, as if I was more like a hardship than a partner. I only bought things from the local thrift shop, some of the women on the reservation had taught me to sew but I had to stop going when they noticed the bruises. Day after day I felt like…like a burden as if I deserved what was dished out. I tried to deny but it was true, I thought if I was smart enough, I would have gotten a full scholarship to some school so I wouldn't be under foot, but the best I could get was a partial scholarship to a school that was more expensive than most of the houses in Forks.
The sun had set as I made my way back to the house, it shined like a beacon reminding me that not everything in my life was shitty. The love of my life came reigning into town ready to kick some ass, I gained new friends and surrogate parents. Yet I stood, here petrified that if they knew just how truly ignorant I was, they'd toss me aside.
Aro was in a patio chair looking like the king of the castle, with a drink in his hand as he watch me approach the house.
"Feel better?" he asked.
"No," I said, I sat down facing Aro and I closed my eyes. No, I didn't feel better, I doubted I would for a very long time. The mental exhaustion was wearing, it's as if someone had thrown a 200 lb weight on my shoulders and forced me to walk through the desert without water. How was it just a couple of days ago I was on the road to happiness and now I was faced with a new low? One step forward, two steps back, right? "I want it all."
"All?"
"He took from me, I'll take from him. I want the house, the cars, property. I want it all. Or he can buy me out. The choice is his."
"He wants to see you tomorrow," Aro said quietly, I could feel his eyes on me.
"To say Happy Anniversary?" I couldn't believe that fucker had the audacity to demand a meeting. "Where?"
"Mediation office, 9 am."
"Ok, I'll go." Aro didn't say anything at first, then got on his phone to confirm the time and place. Once he was done with his phone call he told me he would be here at 8:30 am.
Great, I get to see my fucktard of a husband. I mumbled my thanks and went back into the house. I could hear Carlisle and Esme talking in the theater room, not ready to for Carlisle to go ballistic on me for mixing my meds and alcohol, I went into the music room. I was a few steps from the bottom when I heard Edward starting to sing Bobby Long's Penance Fire Blues, I loved that song. When Edward told me about him I looked up all his music and became entranced. I knew the British singer was touring the US and I wanted to see him live, but I never shared this with anyone.
I walked further into the room, and I softly sang along with Edward. He continued to sing as we stared at each other across the room, his voice evoked that lost feeling that stirred in me. It was raw, like screaming after several whiskey shots. The lyrics caused my heart to pound, embracing each chord, wishing I could actually run from the hell I was in.
"What did Aro want?" he asked after a few minutes of silence. I didn't want to tell Edward about the conversation I had with Aro, I felt stupid enough, and I didn't need to see it in his eyes.
"James wants to meet tomorrow."
"You told him no, right?" he asked.
"I said yes."
He stared at me and the undeniable anger flaring up, he ran his fingers through his hair and started pacing the room. "So you're going back."
"No." That much I did know, I wasn't going back.
"Then why are you going to see him?" he yelled. "I don't fucking get it Bella!"
"I can't explain, I just need to see him," I said quietly shocked by his anger.
"To say Happy Anniversary? Hoping for a reconciliation? Is that it Bella?" he asked angrily. I was hoping he wouldn't know the date but of course, with my luck, he knew when I was married.
"No…that's not it Edward."
"You know what, you do whatever you want, I'm tired of banging my head against the wall….oh wait, it was a bat against my head. My mistake," he said sarcastically. When I didn't respond he walked out the room.
****
I watched the blackened sky turn into a beautiful mixture of red and gold, the birds started to chirp and come to life. Would I ever come back to life? Or will I continuously feel as if I no longer had a heartbeat. I couldn't explain my need to see James, but I knew if I didn't I would always wonder. What more could he lie to me about? Or would he claim he loved me as I'd seen in his interviews, I didn't tell them I'd caught several online.
I was looking through the few items I owned and tried to figure out which was nicer to wear to the courthouse, when I heard a knock on my door. Esme popped in holding some clothes. Aro must have told her about my meeting today, she was kind enough to lend me something to wear.
"I thought you'd be up. I brought a few items for you to choose from, we're close in size so you should find something," she said her voice trailing off when she noticed I hadn't moved. "Sweetie, talk to me."
I could see Esme wasn't going to let it go, I could also see where Alice got her stubbornness from, just not so in your face. I didn't want to explain how much of an idiot I was, allowing James and his family to steal from me, but she ignored me when I tried to say I was ok. After a few minutes the burden became too much, I finally broke down and told her everything, even about agreeing to see James, and my weird need to see him face to face.
"Who's going with you?"
"Just Aro."
"Didn't you ask one of the kids?"
"No. I don't have it in me to tell them I'm a bigger idiot than we originally thought."
"No one thinks you're an idiot, Bella."
"No I'm pretty sure they think I'm an idiot. Esme I don't want to talk about this anymore. I just need to get through this so I can figure out what to do from there."
"Figure what out sweetie?"
"What to do with my life."
"Well you have plenty of time for that," she said as looked at her watch. "Ok Aro will be here in an hour."
"Thanks Esme," I said.
"You're welcome sweetie," she said as she gave me a hug before leaving my room. I found a pair of dark pants, a white camisole and a jacket that was loose but still looked decent on me. I tried to push away the anxiety that has been festering inside me as I turned on the shower. Taking a few calming breathes I stepped inside wishing the water could cleanse my aching soul.
***
When Aro arrived Esme informed me she was accompanying me to the court house, I told her it wasn't necessary, but she was adamant. I gave up arguing because she gave me a look I'd come to recognize and just let it go besides I was too nervous to argue. The drive over was uneventful, there were only a few photographers outside the gate and when they realized Edward wasn't in the car, they left us alone.
We were quickly escorted to the mediation office by a beautiful African American woman, she gave me a warm greeting and I hoped she was as sincere as she seemed. James and his attorney showed up a few minutes later and the atmosphere in the room instantly changed, I looked at Esme and she gave me an encouraging smile.
"Okay, it seems Mrs. Isabella Ramsey has filed for divorce but you, Mr. Ramsey, are contesting it. I'm here as your mediator to get things moving before you go to court. Now, Mr. Ramsey, why are you contesting the motion filed by your wife Isabella?" Ms. Payton asked as she looked at James.
James flashed the mediator a smile, I think it was his way of looking sincere, but it came off condescending. "I think my wife and I just need to work on our problems without the interference of the Cullen's. I'm willing to put her affair with Edward behind us if she ends all contact with him and his family. I love my wife; I simply don't think we were given a chance."
"I see," the mediator said. "You believe Mr. Cullen is the reason you're having problems in your marriage?"
"Yes, I do."
"And the reports of spousal abuse?"
"Exaggerated."
"Mr. Ramsey these photos are not exaggerated," she said looking over the many photos Carlisle took every time I visited the hospital. "Mrs. Ramsey, do you wish to reconcile with your husband?"
"No."
"Izzy, please baby, let's try again. I promise nothing like the other night will ever happen again," James said. Those were the words I wanted to hear, the words I craved since the first time he hit me because I didn't cook dinner, and those were the words I needed every time he took off his belt and beat me with it.
"James, where were those words of 'love' when Christmas dinner wasn't to your liking and you dragged me to the back room and gave me a bloody nose in front of your family? Where were those words when you came up to my job because you thought I was cheating on you with one of my co-workers? Do you remember when I used your computer without permission and you said 'I lacked respect'? You decided to teach me a lesson by kicking me out of the house with no shoes, jacket or a cell phone. Was that love too? And let's not forget how your family constantly took every opportunity to mentally jab me. I had to deal with Jane's constant threats against Jake, and that was just the beginning. You knew he was my one link to humanity and you tried to kill it." I was so angry I started to pace the office, the room grew hot, and I took off my jacket, not caring about the bruises. I look down at my arms and the fading bruises were constant reminders of his handy work and why I was afraid all the time.
"Was this 'love' James?" I asked pointing to bruises on my arms, my camisole hid nothing. I looked at James in his eyes, and I could see the humor he was trying to suppress. "I want to be free of you James and I know you want to be free of me. Go be with your whore Victoria and leave me in peace, please." I was standing right in front of him and I leaned over to whisper in his ear, "You already stole my money, please just leave me the fuck alone."
Before I could straighten up James pushed me to the ground, he was on top of me, I could hear him screaming "You belong to me and I will let you go when I'm damn ready!"
I curled into a ball as his fist landed on my back, then suddenly it was over; I looked up to see Esme pulling James by the hair, who knew this small statured woman was so strong. She was pulling his hair so hard his face was turning red; it took Aro and the bailiff to remove him from her clutches.
"If you ever touch Isabella again, I will make you eat your own balls," she said as the bailiff took James away, she then helped me up. The mediator looked as stunned as I was at the outburst that just occurred.
"Wow, Esme," I said in awe.
"You ok sweetie?" she asked, checking me over.
"Yeah."
"Come on let's get you home."
"I think it's safe to say, I don't think he wants to truly reconcile," I said to the mediator, in a dry voice.
"No, Mrs. Ramsey, it seems your husband is as hostile as I originally thought," she said thoughtfully. "Mr. Cullen, I will recommend to the judge to grant her the divorce, hopefully it will be resolved by New Years."
"Thank you!" I squealed giving her a hug.
"Mrs. Ramsey, just take care of yourself. Your husband isn't sane," she warned. Aro escorted us quickly to the car and drove us back to the Cullen homestead. I closed my eyes, exhaustion finally claiming me.
***
I felt an arm tighten around my waist, I tensed up preparing to fight my attacker when I heard the humming and realized it was Edward. I began to relax but tensed up again, remembering the last time we saw each other. Edward was so angry at me, I didn't want his wrath directed at me, and I wasn't strong enough to handle it tonight.
"I'm sorry," he murmured as I tried to push him away, his grip tightened around me.
"Why are you sorry?" my voice was husky.
"I shouldn't have yelled at you, I told you I would support any decision you made and I….I wasn't being a good friend. I should have trusted you." That was the bottom line, Edward would never trust me, and I would never be able to trust myself. "Will you forgive me for not trusting you?"
"Yes, when you forgive me for not trusting in us."
He didn't say anything, nor did he move. I exhaled an unsteady breathe as he held me closer, snaking his legs around mine. I began to relax and hugged him tighter, I knew it was wrong but sleeping in his arms brought some form of peace, and tonight I needed that.
A/N: Thank you for reading Awakening, please, please leave a comment if you can. Tell me what you think!!
Okay not I seriously need a favor for either the next chapter or a future chapter, I need to have Edward and Bella interact with the fans but some of the questions I came up with are pretty lame. So I was inspired from ASK ME tweets the other night, so if you want to submit a question for the fan interaction chapter, please submit to http://formspring(.)me(/)CullenBand Ask Edward and Bella (or any other Cullan band member) anything and hopefully I can use it!! Is it lame? Yeah it but play along.
Thanks,
Tammy