Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, if I did I would have that pimped out pink & white F150 I saw on New Year's day, ownership belongs to Stephanie Meyers! But I do own all the song lyrics presented by the Cullens. :-)
Sorry for the delay, Edward was being a little bitch but he finally talked. Hope to have another chapter out soon.
Thanks to LilKel1 for reviewing this chapter.
And if you're not reading MsBond's new fic Double en Tundra you're missing out! Check it out...lemons!!!
And if you're in LA or Vegas for the 100Monkey's show please hit me up on Twitter(.)/bbwraven
Back in Time
by: Edward Cullen
Let's go back in time.
Let's play rewind
When I told you I was in love you
I wanted you to be mine
Lets play rewind
Lets go back in time
I'm not good with words
I fumble and I've learned
That I was wrong
How could you read my mind
During that time
I didn't say it right
And I lead you right to his arms.
Let's go back in time.
Let's play rewind
When I told you I was in love with you
I wanted you to be mine
Lets play rewind
Lets go back in time
Fours years is a long time
But one day I will make you mine
So let your light shine
I'll be waiting for you to be mine
No need to go back in time.
The moment I left her standing in the music room I knew I made a mistake, I was being a selfish prick. When we were released from the hospital, I told her I would support any decision she made and the first decision she makes that I don't like I run like a little bitch. Fuck Me! I went back to my room, there's no way I'd be able to control my temper in front of my family, I've been so moody lately and Bella going to meet James hadn't improved my mood.
I shook out two of my prescribed Tylenol with Codeine and downed it with the bottled water I left on the night stand from the night before. I continued to fume as I changed from my jeans into sweats, foregoing a shirt. My phone went off signaling a new text message, I ignored the message and went to view my photos after the band meeting, I added the photo of Bella and I in bed. I stared at our intertwined body, from this picture you would never guess I wasn't a cuddlier my so called ex girlfriends often said I was cold hearted and thoughtless. But I've come to realize they simply wasn't Bella. I was initially pissed Alice took it but at the same time happy she did, I drifted off to sleep as I stared at the photo and slept until I heard my father's voice.
"Edward, wake up son." He turned on the lamp on the nightstand, I squeezed my eyes shut blocking out the harsh light.
"Huh?" I rubbed my eyes with the heels of my hands tried to wake up as my father read my prescription bottles.
"How many did you take?" he asked referring to my medication.
"Just two," I mumbled.
"What was your pain level?"
"I was close to an 8."
"So basically 7 but yet you took two pills."
"Dad I knew I wasn't going to OD on the stuff besides I'm not taking anymore for the day, so please chill."
"Sorry, its my job to worry," he said looking apologetic. I sat up, momentary dizziness struck me and he had to help steady me. "Steady. Still plagued with the dizziness?"
"Yeah it's getting better. It hits harder when I first wake up."
"Okay keep me posted if it continues through out the day."
"I will dad," I said quietly as I moved out of the bed. Thoughts of Bella hit me again, trying to figure out what she was planning.
"Your mother sent me up here to tell you dinner is ready."
"Thanks Dad," I said, I changed out of my sweats and put my jeans back on. "Can I ask you something?"
"Of course."
"How do you NOT react when your patients do something that you think is wrong?"
"I'm not sure I understand the question," he said with a frown.
"Say you have a patient who you told they could get treatment A or treatment B but B wasn't good for them. They go with A for a while but suddenly they go to Treatment B and it could hurt them. How do you not react?"
My father didn't say anything as he stared at me. "Believe it or not I react to everything whether it's fear, dread, and anger. When they go against my advice, part of me feels as if I've failed them as a doctor, I try to give them as much information as possible. But in the end its they're choice." We had a similar discussion before but its still boggles my mind how he's able to separate himself.
"She's going to see him tomorrow."
My father closed his eyes as he pinched the bridge of his nose, he's been dealing with Bella's situation much longer than I have. If she goes back it will be a serious blow to him also. "Did she say she was officially going back?"
"No, I couldn't even talk to her about it, she never really gave a reason, other than she needed to see him." I went through my drawers until I found a long sleeve white tee shirt.
"Son…it's a mindset we'll never truly understand. I hope to god she's not going back but….." I heard him mutter fuck under his breathe, and ran his fingers through his hair. "It's her decision, I've exhausted every avenue in order to help her, ethically. Other than locking her away in the attic I can't do anything."
"Fine you can give me the keys because I'm not letting her go," I said as I put on the tee shirt. "Dad I was a complete jerk to her." My parents did try to instill good manners in me but I sometimes I failed.
"If you know you were a jerk then you know you need to apologize," he said sternly.
"Don't worry, I plan to."
"Good to know I didn't completely fail as a parent," he said with a smirk.
"Please Alice, Em and I are too afraid to have kids cause we'll never be as good as you and mom."
My dad put his hand on my shoulder, so we stood face to face, he stared at me with such intensity I couldn't look away. "We didn't do anything extraordinary, we simply loved you kids with all our hearts. Your mom and I didn't have the best childhoods and we never wanted you to ever doubt that you were loved, that was and still is our one promise to each of you." My father was rarely emotional, I gave a quick nod to acknowledge I understood. "Go down stairs, I'll go get Bella."
"She's not already downstairs?"
No I was sent to get you both, now go," he said. Everyone was seated when I arrived in the dining room, they were waiting for me, Bella, and my dad to arrive before they ate. I took a seat next to Alice.
"Where's Bella?" she asked.
"I don't know I was taking a nap." I took a sip of water to distract myself.
"Oh I thought you two were together," she said with a smirk.
"Well you thought wrong. Dad went to get her," I said, I knew I wouldn't be able to apologize before we ate so it would have to wait until later. A few minutes later my father walked into the dining room sans Bella.
"Where's Bella?" my mother asked.
"She's not feeling well," he said quietly.
"Does she need anything?" my mother asked worriedly.
"No, she's fine."
"I'll take a plate up there later."
"That would be a good idea," he replied as he looked around the table with a frown. "Where's Aro?"
"He went to Port Angeles, he'll be back in the morning," my mother said. So it's official, Aro is taking her to meet the bastard.
"He has a lady friend in Ports," Alice snickered, everyone joined in the speculation of Aro's 'love life', for the lack of a better term. It was great to not brood over Bella and I was allowed more time to grow a pair.
After dinner I ended up in the music room with Jasper, we recorded a couple of demos we planned to play for the rest of the band. An evening of collaborating allowed me to put off all thoughts of what happened this afternoon, only her pleading eyes haunted me. Jasper never said a word about Bella missing dinner. We took advantage of me being headache free and my nervous energy by working until three in the morning.
Once I was sure Jasper was in his room, I walked to Bella's door. I raised my hand to knock on her door but I chickened out and went back to my room. Sleep never claimed me, I became agitated I knew it was a combination of the long nap I took this afternoon and my obvious frustration with Bella.
I grabbed my laptop and returned to the music room. I didn't bother with the lights, when I hit my shin on the coffee table I knew I found the couch. Once my computer booted up, I put my iTunes on shuffle and Jet's 'Are You Gonna Be My Girl' filled the room and I logged into the band's website and saw Alice finally posted the bulletin we were working on earlier.
From: ACullen
Re: Thank You
Hello everyone,
My family and I want to thank everyone for the kind words of support this last week. I can't even begin to express how stressful the last week has been. I'm just very thankful my dear friend Bella is doing well and very happy my brother is finally at home driving us crazy. It's still mayhem but we're surviving.
We also received the GET WELL books, you guys are so fucking AMAZING!! Just so you know Edward keeps it in his room due to his frequent headaches he's unable to read all the notes at the moment.
I have to say we have the most talented and supportive fans anyone can ask for. Between helping us with the auctions and these beautiful books for Edward and Bella, I'm in constant tears.
We'll be in touch!
Always,
Alice ( and my moody ass brother Edward)
The post made me chuckle, yeah I've been moodier than usual and I will have do something special for everyone soon. I wanted to post a note on the board before my eyes started to hurt but I was truly drawing a blank. I could never say the right thing on the boards, I usually left it to Alice and Emmett. I scrolled through a few threads talking about the Benefit, one post stood out the most talking about my performance during 'Wishing Well'.
Jaspers_Girl: How could you not see it? He's looking right at Bella! He's so into her.
EdsChick: OMG I know did you see her blush!!!
Cullenlvr: Where is this video?! I've only seen the streaming!
Jaspers_Girl: Here's the link!!
I was curious as to what they saw, I clicked on the link to the video, I purposely chose that song to remind Bella of our time together. I remember I tried to look away from her but I was lost in memories of her and part of me hoped she was remembering too. When I was performing I thought I saw her face flush but I assumed it was the lights but I was right, I could see face turn beet red. The person did a close up on Bella as she took a deep breathe. I could see her hands shaking as she continued to take more photos.
My head began to pound, I went to the mini-bar for a bottle of orange juice and took a regular Tylenol. I was about to turn off iTunes when Avril Lavigne's 'Fall to Pieces' came on. It was one of my favorite songs, I usually stay away from mushy songs like this but the words were always so haunting.
Wanna know who you are,
Wanna know where to start,
I wanna know what this means.
Wanna know how you feel,
Wanna know what is real.
I wanna know everything Everything!
I put the song on repeat, I stretched out on the couch listened to the words, as every word pierced my heart. I knew the only way Bella and I would ever have a chance would require me to break down the wall I was used to hiding behind. I knew when I woke up there was no going back, I wasn't angry because she might go back I'm angry because I'm too chicken shit to ask her to stay.
****
"Edward wake up," Jasper said as he tapped my foot.
"Get out of my room," I mumbled.
"Dude you're in the music room," Jasper retorted.
"What!" I jumped up looking around to see Jasper and Alice looking at me strangely. "What time is it?"
"Almost 10," Jasper said handing me a bottle of orange juice.
"Oh shit, I need to talk to Bella!" I stood up suddenly but was instantly dizzy, Jasper was immediately by my side helping me sit back down on the couch.
"Slow down….Bella already left with Aro," Alice said softly.
"Fuck!"
"What are you doing down here? We both left at the same time," Jasper inquired.
"I couldn't sleep, so I listened to some music. I didn't work on anything."
"You want to talk about why you had Avril Lavigne on repeat? Not that I don't like the song but seriously Avril?" he asked with a cock eyebrow, I couldn't help but laugh at his questions.
Jasper hated Avril with a passion, they had several run-in's when we were first starting out that left a sour taste in his mouth. I blamed it on age, I worked with her on another project and found her to be somewhat pleasant. I liked her ex-husband Derrick more than her.
"What time did they leave?" I asked.
"A little over an hour ago." FUCK! FUCK! If I wasn't such a chicken shit and apologized last night, Bella wouldn't have gone to meet James thinking I was angry. I found being angry only makes my dizziness worst, I had to sit still for a few minutes so the room would stop spinning. Once I got my bearings I went up stairs to shower and changed.
After a quick breakfast I took a walk around the property, while trying to clear my head I ended up giving myself another headache. I wanted to stay angry at her but in essence I wasn't, I was upset in my reaction.
As I was walking pass the garage I saw Rose dressed in coveralls bent over Alice's vintage 1951 Porsche 356 Coupe, it's been a pet project she worked on whenever we were home for an extended period of time. It looked like Rose may actually finish it this time around.
I walked over unnoticed, I could hear her humming as she worked on the engine. I watched her for a few minutes, I got along with Rose but we rarely spent any one on one time together. She's not what most people would call friendly, she was model tall with a trim athletic figure, her face was beyond beautiful with a 'look but don't touch' vibe.
She and her twin brother Jasper were as night and day, she was Ice Princess and he was the King of Chill but she was smarter than people realize, she can take apart any engine and put it back together.
When I need to relax I play my guitar or read, Rose takes apart any electronic she could find and put it back together in hopes to make it better than the original. She is the only one who is thrilled when the tour buses break down, she'd usually repairs the problem or diagnosis it properly for the mechanic. Most were intimidated by the blond goddess but Jasper and Emmett were the only ones who could deal with her stand offish personality.
"Are you going to stand there all day or are you going to hand me those cutters," she said never looking up at me. I looked at the tray a few feet from her, trying figure out what she was talking about. "The one's with a 'U' attached to it," she replied.
I eventually found tool she was looking for, I'm the last person you call when you have car problems. I'm lucky if I can change a tire, which my mother had to teach me 6 times before I got it and I'm still not very good at it. Thank god for AAA when Rose isn't around.
"What's on your mind Eddie?" she asked. She knew I hated when people shortened my name but I ignored it this time.
"Nothing, can't I just be interested in what you're doing?"
She looked at me then with an eyebrow cocked, "This is a first. What, did you and Bella have a fight?" I can tell she was trying to be funny but when I didn't answer she looked up at me again. "What did you fight about?" She put the cutters down and started wiping her hands.
"We didn't really fight, more like she told me she was going to see that fucker today. And I lost it," I admitted. "I just saw red and left."
"I don't usually get involved in your crap cause it bores me to tears but I like Bella. I didn't at first, thought she was a fucking idiot for staying with James but she's really trying….just not the way you approve."
"What if he persuades her to go back?"
"It's not going to happen," Emmett said from behind me, he was holding two coffee mugs and handed one to Rose.
"He can try but I really doubt it," she said firmly. "When you were....asleep that really rocked her. Jake said if he hadn't taken her into your room she would have done exactly what Jane wanted."
"And I would be on trial for drugs, she's scared but I don't think she's going back," Emmett chimed in.
"Edward, have you ever thought there's something she needs to get off her chest?" Rosalie asked looking at me intently. "She's in the anger phase, I really think you're freaking out for no reason."
"I should have apologized before she left for the meeting."
"Yeah you should have but she also should have told us about the meeting. She knows I would have gone with her," Rose fumed.
"Mom went with her, I tried to go myself but Aro told me to stay away. He didn't want me to end up in jail again," Emmett added. I felt like shit, I didn't even offer to go with her, as usual I was thinking about me. Hello, my name is Edward and I'm a douche. You can call me Doucheward.
"This is depressing me, I need chocolate," Rose said and stomped off towards the house.
"Great! If she's depressed that means I don't get any," Emmett said under his breathe.
"Do you think about anything other than your cock?"
"Yes, I think about world peace too. I think if more foreign leaders had better blow jobs they would be happier people," he said flashing me a dimpled smile. Only Emmett equates sex and politics. I trailed behind him still worrying about Bella.
***
"What?" I heard my father yell as he left his office. "Are you ok? Bella?" he asked as bounded down the halls. We were in the theater room watching a screening of Michael Jackson, 'This Is It'. We looked at each other and went into the hall to see what was happening.
"What's wrong?" Em yelled when he met my father in the hall.
"James attacked Bella at the meeting," he told Emmett and continued to speak into the phone. "Go to the hospital, I'll meet you there," he paused as he listened. "Babe, go to the hospital." My father grabbed his bag heading towards the garage when he stopped. "You're here? Ok on my way out." He hung up his phone, he didn't say anything as he back tracked to the front door.
Aro was just stepping out of the car, my father opened the back seat, I could see my mother was looking panicky, and Bella was knocked out. My heart started to race. He knocked her out?!
"Bella? Open your eyes," my father said to her as he used his flash light to examine her eyes. I saw her move away her head, I could see her lips moving but couldn't hear anything. My father seemed to relax a little.
"Emmett, could you carry Bella to her room?"
Emmett lifted Bella from the back of the Mercedes, I didn't see any visible marks on her face. My mother was already out of the car in my father's arms. "I'll be there in a few minutes," he told Emmett.
"Dad what's wrong with her?" I asked.
"She's ok, just exhausted. She hadn't slept."
"Mom are you ok?" I asked, her face was buried in my father's chest.
"Yes I'm ok," she murmured, looking at my father, "Go make sure Bella is resting comfortably."
"Why don't we take this in the house," Aro said, I forgotten he was there but he was right.
"Mom, I'll get you some tea," Alice said as headed to the kitchen.
"Sweetie, I'm fine. I can get it," she said hot on Alice's heels.
"Mom, you need to sit," I told my mother.
"I'm fine," she said walking with determination towards the kitchen, when she took off her jacket I noticed a tear in her shirt.
"What happened?" I asked.
"Let's see….um, he said the spousal abuse was exaggerated, then we went on to say he loved her, and wanted to get back together. Saying as long as we're not around they can work on their marriage. Blah, blah, blah. It really just sickened me how he tried to make himself seem like the fucking victim," my mother fumed as she put the water on for tea, slamming cabinets to find a mug. I grabbed her arm before she slammed the third one, she turned to look at me. She eyes blazing with fury.
"I'll get the mug," I said quietly. I opened another cabinet and found her favorite mug, I accidentally stole from a café in Paris when the fans surrounded the place and I refused to give up my coffee. My mom found the mug in the luggage and kept it.
"He's never going to let her go," she murmured. "He said she belonged to him until he was ready to let go. Like she's his property." I heard Alice suck in a breathe as she listened to my mother relay what happened.
"That fucker!" Rose exclaimed.
"But she didn't believe anything he had to say, she said she wanted out. She wouldn't stand for his crap. She went on to describe some of their fights…." she stopped and I could see the tears gathering in her eyes. "The things he's done to her….she basically told him to go to hell."
"Esme, you forgot to mention how you threatened to make James eat his own balls," Aro said with a grin.
"Go Mom!" Alice giggled.
My mother started to blush, "Well he deserved it, he just jumped on her."
"He was arrested right?" I asked.
"Yes, he's being held without bail," Aro informed us.
"Finally! This place makes up their own fucking laws!" Jasper said.
"The shit is about the hit fan kids, I advise you get your popcorn and a front row seat," Aro said with a smirk, his eyes were emotionless. I could see the wheels churning in his head.
"Oh I plan to be at that show," I said. Aro was a scary mutherfucker and I couldn't wait to see him put James where he belongs.
"God I want to go kick his ass," Rose continued to fume as she bit into a cookie.
"I'm just glad he wasn't able to hurt her too much," my mother said.
My father and Emmett joined us a few minutes later. "How's Bella?" I asked.
"She's resting comfortable. Alice, Rose could you help her change into some sleep wear? She will more than likely sleep through it and be careful of her ribs." Alice and Rose left the kitchen to help Bella once my father gave them a few instructions.
"She didn't sleep last night, so she'll probably sleep through the afternoon," my mother said. We were quiet again lost in our own thoughts but at least I knew she wasn't going back.
****
After Aro left to return to Seattle, everyone paired off. Not in the mood to play any music, I went back into my room. I hopped on the computer, I read the emails I've been ignoring for weeks. Most were well wishes from friends, a few from Mike wanting to discuss the auction winners and wanted to schedule another meeting later this week. I didn't want to deal with Mike just yet and told him I would let him know when I was free. Technically I was free, it was more did I want to be bothered.
Sometime during the evening, I went to go check on Bella again. I've been going in on and off to see how she was doing. When I walked in she was thrashing around in her sleep, her breathing labored. Without thinking twice, I slid into bed with her and held her close to me. She calmed down and continued to sleep. She was still frowning but the thrashing stopped even then I couldn't leave, I just held her.
I was drifting off to sleep when I heard her whimper, I pulled her closer to me and started humming 'Chasing Cars' in her ear. She relaxed for a few seconds then suddenly she was tense again. I knew she as awake because her breathing changed.
"I'm sorry," I blurted out, I've been wanting to say that for the last 24 hours, she was trying to wiggle away from me and I tightened my grip.
"Why are you sorry?" she asked, her voice full of sleep.
"I shouldn't have yelled at you, I told you I would support any decision you made and I….I wasn't being a good friend. I should have trusted you. Will you forgive me for not trusting you?"
She nodded. ""Yes, when you forgive me for not trusting in us."
I didn't know how to respond, have I not forgiven her for not believing in us? Or was I so cocky I thought she would simply follow? I didn't want to think about it anymore, I just needed to hold her, I will deal with the rest later. I wrapped my leg around her as I held her tighter, I could tell she wanted to move from my grasp but eventually relaxed and drifted back to sleep. I kissed her cheek and drifted off to sleep.
****
Days after Bella met with James, things were still tense. Not just with me and Bella but with everyone. My mom is the only one she was relaxed around.
"Okay did we do something wrong with Bella?" Alice asked me when we were working on the vocals for a demo.
"Nothing. I apologized for being an asshole, I expected her to be pissed at me but not with you guys."
"I don't know. I asked her if I've done anything to upset her and she says no but she's….too quiet. Maybe I need to call Jake."
Jake has been working like crazy, it seemed like everyone within a 100 mile radius has been coming to him for car repairs. It mostly has to do with people wanting to take end of summer road trips and he's bombarded.
"You might have to, he's the only one she'll talk to."
"I think she talks to mom," she added, I could tell this hurt Alice. She cared about Bella and if she unknowingly hurt her somehow.
"We'll figure it out Ace," I said giving her a hug.
"I hope you're right," she said. We went back to work, giving me her input on her on the new music. I want her to do more lead vocals on this CD but she's reluctant. I know she has stage freight but it I think with us all there she'll eventually get passed that. Jasper seems to have captured her vocal essence the best, so I will work with him to bring more songs to capture Alice's vibe with a Cullen sound.
Occasionally my mind drifted to Bella, I honestly didn't understand why Bella was retreating this way, from me okay I understood but from Alice, that made no sense. Not that she was completely rude more distant. Her smiles never reached her eyes, her laughing forced, its caused Emmett to say more outlandish things and irritate us with practical jokes. It had gotten so bad Mom charged him whenever she heard him refer to the female genitalia or any curse words. So far she's collected $200, Bella didn't join in the conversations as usual.
"Break time!" Emmett yelled as he bounded down the stairs, he was wearing his Michael Jackson 'Beat It' t-shirt. Not one of the newly inspired vintage shirts people have been selling since Jackson died, Em has had that shirt since high school, he washed it in Woollite to make sure it didn't fade too much. Its tighter than when he was in high school but he didn't care. Michael Jackson was one of his heroes. "You guys have been at it for hours so its time to chill."
"We were just finishing up," Alice said, turning off the microphones and amps. "What do you want to do?"
"Go to La Push?"
"Not yet, Jake is swamped. Last time we rolled up there and he couldn't hang out he pouted for a week. Leah blew my phone telling how much of asshole I was," I told him.
"Ok, I guess another movie it is," he said in a bored voice. "Ghostbusters, Ace?"
"Oh hell ya! Bella is going to love that!" she exclaimed as she bounded up the stairs to set up the movie.
"You going to join us?" he asked me, I usually stayed away whenever they watch that particular movie.
"Yeah, I'll watch with you guys. Think we have anymore popcorn?"
"Yeah, we have butter, extra butter and kettle corn," Emmett said as we headed to the kitchen.
"Love me some kettle corn," I murmured, I popped in 2 bags of popcorn in the microwave oven, twelve minutes later we had 8 bags of popcorn. I handed one to Bella as I took a seat next to her on the couch. I learned early in the movie that Bella was a serious Ghostbusters fan, she gave genuine smiles and belly laughs during Emmett's impersonations. By the end we were all singing the Ghostbusters theme.
"Enjoyed it much?" I asked her.
"Just a little," she said with a laugh. I love hearing her laugh.
"I'm glad," I said, I could see she was starting to retreat. "Hey want to take a walk with me?"
"I don't know."
"Bells…Please?" If I was going to beg, I would just hoped it wouldn't come to that.
"Ok," she said quietly. Taking advantage of the moment, I grabbed her hand to lead her to the back door. We walked along the property in silence, hand in hand. We walked under a cluster of trees not too far from the house, there were 3 large rocks, a fallen tree trunk, there wasn't much sun out but light filtered through the trees. I stopped her from going any further.
"Talk to me," I whispered.
"What do you want to talk about?" she hedged.
"Something is bothering you and its not just me being a jack hole. You can tell me anything."
"I'm ok, Edward."
"Damn it Bella! Do you think I'm an idiot?…wait don't answer that."
She chuckled, shaking her head. "You are not an idiot, I think I would win that hands down." She suddenly looked sad, and very alone. I walked us to the tree trunk and sat her down.
"Why do you think you're an idiot?" I asked.
She closed her eyes and took a moment to compose herself. "When my dad died, I was told there wasn't an insurance policy in place and I believed them. But Aro was able to uncover that my father actually had 2 policies totaling over $500,000," she said looking at the ground, I could hear her breathing starting to labor.
"Who told you there wasn't an insurance policy?"
"The Ramsey's," she said, I could see the tears streaming down her face. She went on to explain how the money was automatically transferred to James because they were married before her 21st birthday. Aro was able to uncover the house she shared with James was bought with her father's money. "The worst part is they made me doubt my father. I remember when they told me there was no insurance money I was so angry, I thought he didn't care about me enough to take care of something like that. And then I'd feel horrible because of where my thoughts lead. So I stopped thinking about it. I got a job, I gave up my dreams of going to school, the Ramsey's lead me like cattle and I allowed it. James always said I was stupid, I just didn't know how dumb I really was."
"First of all I never want hear you utter those words. You're not stupid, you're a very smart person! James knew you were vulnerable and found ways to cut you down on a daily basis so you began to believe it. I didn't know Charlie well….other than the guy who arrested me for underage drinking, he seemed like a pretty decent guy, he reminded me of my Dad. So if Charlie was a smidgen like my dad then he was one of the good guys and he loved you. You know I'm right?" I didn't know how to make her understand.
"If anything you were conned and that doesn't make you stupid."
"It's another word for stupid and weak!"
"You are far from stupid and weak. It takes courage to leave that house, that makes you strong. Bella…you're smart as hell and fearless."
"I wish I was that girl….I'm nothing like that Bella….and I'm afraid you'll see it and never want to talk to me again," she said looking at the ground.
"God Bella…," I said tipped her chin until she was looking at me. "You can't get rid of me. I'm not going anywhere."
"Edward, you're leaving soon."
"Yeah so," I said feeling confused.
"Then you'll be gone. I have to find a job, an apartment, a car….I have to just figure out where. I can't stay here in Forks."
My heart stopped, not stay in Forks, she was leaving? "What?"
"Edward I can't mooch off your family forever. Once my divorce is final, I will relocate….somewhere….maybe with some sun," she said with a slight laugh.
"You're not mooching off of us. I…I thought you were going to travel with us."
"Why would I do that?"
"Because Bella you're our photographer, so you already have a job. Now I don't want to hear about you leaving."
"I thought that was just while you were in Forks."
"No the job is yours as long as you want it."
"Thank you," she said as she wiped away her tears.
"I don't know if I told you that I love your work. You are truly talented and I only want to see you succeed." It was the truth, I wanted nothing more than to see her succeed, not just as a big fuck you to the Ramsey's but for herself. "I believe in you and I want you to…no I need you to believe in yourself."
She didn't say anything as she reached over and hugged me. I could feel the sobs wracking her body, I knew she's lead a lonely existence since her father died. Jacob was her only friend, the people who were supposed to protect her used her and tore her down not only physically but mentally as well. And I came in and took what I wanted and left because I was too arrogant to do more. She was lead to believe the one other person she trusted besides Jacob Black let her down. If you think your own father failed you then how do you trust anyone? It's a limited trust.
"Bella do you tell Jake everything?"
"What do you mean?"
"Do you tell him absolutely everything? Does he know all your secrets?"
"You mean what went on between me and James?"
"Yeah and anything else that went on up there," I said, tapping her forehead.
"I told him enough, I didn't want to anger him any further."
"You know he would do anything to protect you, right?"
She nodded. "That's just it; I didn't want him to do anything that would land him in jail."
"So in other words you didn't trust him."
"I trust Jake! How could you say that?" she yelled she stood and moved away from me. "He's the only person I could count on!"
"But you limit your trust," I said quietly.
"I trust Jake explicitly!" she said with her fist balled.
"Yes, to a certain degree," I said, she turned and started walking back towards the house; I knew I was fucking this up, yet again. "Fuck! Bella wait." I caught up with her before she made it out of the cluster of trees.
"Edward, please just leave me alone," she said as she avoided my gaze.
"Let's start over," I blurted out.
"Fine, Edward. I forgive you for being an ass. Now can we please go?"
"No. I mean let's really start over."
"I don't understand," she said her voice clogged with tears and frustration seemed to radiate her body.
"A new slate, a fresh beginning….I mean as of today, right now we get to know each other and learn to trust each other. We're both so different from when we first met, I say we get to know each other all over again, no expectations, no dredging up what we both fucked up, because we fucked it up good," I became anxious when she looked doubtful but I needed to say this. "My life has been easy, anything I wanted I got. I don't have to work hard, even with my career, it just came easy. So when you came into my life I thought it'll be just as easy, even when you scared me shitless. And when it went wrong I didn't know what to do, so I did nothing thinking you'll come running because I was Edward fucking Cullen. But there was no falling into place when I didn't reinforce my feelings, you did what you thought was right at the time. You ran to James because he already fed you the line that I was just using you. So starting today we stop being afraid of the unknown, if we do this together we can accomplish so much."
"I don't know Edward….Do you really want to be with someone so mental? I don't want to screw this up."
"You can't screw it up because there is no right or wrong….besides there's no other woman for me. I've waited for years to be with My Bella, and I'll wait till you're ready. So basically…You're stuck with me and if I'm not what you want in the end….then I'll simply be your friend, I will still be there for you."
"Why would you do that?" she asked with tears streaming down her cheeks.
She asked a good question, I wanted honesty so I had to be honest with her.
"Because Isabella I love you."
A/N: Again thank you for reading Awakening! I don't know who originated the term douchward but whomever you are....Thank you!! *grin* I still need questions for the an upcoming chapter so you can either send them to www(.)formspring(.)me/cullenband the chapter is forming in my head but should happen soon.