Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight but I do own 2 copies of Ghostbusters and a tee shirt that reads 'Golden Girls Rules!' (Don't judge me! ;) )
Special thanks to Kelly for constantly reading my mind and overall being a kickass friend. And a HUGE THANK YOU to Wearingwords the busiest woman in fandom for all your help and encouragement.
I'm sorry for this late update first I was writing two different POV's which proved to be a bad idea then hit with a major case of writer's block. As I was trying to get back in the swing of things, RL really got the best of me. I can only explain it here because of the subject matter of Awakening but I found out a friend of mines is dealing with this same matter. I wanted to run and move her out of her apartment and into a safe environment, I cried with her and I cried for her. Every time I sat down to write I no longer saw Awakening's Bella but I saw my friend. I'm just happy she's finding the courage to get the fuck out.
When I started writing this fic, I took on a subject that I knew nothing about, I've never had to deal with this and somehow fiction met reality and I'm simply stupefied. Again I'm at a loss for words for my emotional state.
And I need to say thank you to everyone who's stuck out with me because I went back to the beginning and my grammar mistakes were horrific not that it's much better now but I'm learning. And I seriously mean this your reviews and PM's inspire me.
Pimpage:
I found this AMAZING fic over the weekend and please check it out. Just have some tissue available.
We don't break, we Bend - lyricalkris
http://www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/s/5508413/(1)/
A slight shove had me instantly awake. "Time to get up, pretty boy. I'll meet you in gym for stretching," Emmett whispered, trying to not wake Bella.
I groaned a little as I turned back into Bella's warmth and the familiar sensation of the room spinning hit me, which I knew would end soon. I gave her one last tight hug as I kissed her hair, covering her up as I climbed out of bed and made my way to my room. I hadn't planned on spending the remainder of the night in bed with her, but I'd been too comfortable to move.
I quickly put on a pair of clean sweats and wife beater and walked in the gym a few minutes later. There were three mats which meant Jasper was joining us. Emmett waved me over when he noticed my arrival; he had a tape measure and clipboard in his hand, ready to get to work.
"Let's get you weighed in," he said. I stepped onto the digital scale and was shocked to see I'd lost 10 lbs since my last weigh in, which was before the tour ended. Emmett then went on to take my measurements; I could tell he wasn't happy with the results.
"Mornin'," Jasper mumbled and sat on a mat. He didn't need to weigh in since he looked as if he'd put on more muscle this summer. I was suddenly feeling like that scrawny kid everyone in school used to make fun of. Being way too tall, skinny with brassy red hair could mess with a person's psyche.
"Ok, let's stretch." Emmett took me through a new series of stretches concentrating mainly on my lower body. When I stretched my hips and lower back I could hear the bones creak, reminding me that it had been a long time since I'd stretched. By the time we were done my body felt looser, more agile.
"I'm not putting you on the treadmill, so we'll do a short run into town, no further than the drug store and back," Emmett said. "Edward, if you need to stop then stop, don't try to be all macho on my ass. I don't think there are any more photographers, but Jasper you stay in front and I will take the rear."
Emmett was all business when it came to working out, especially since he had to make adjustments due to my recovery. The sun was starting to rise, though it was hard to tell with it being overcast, I put on my hoodie to ward off the morning chill. Jasper started a nice pace I was able to keep up with, it felt good to move this way, during my recovery I had forgotten how much I missed running. Without my iPod I was aware of the quiet, the peaceful silence, as we came out of the clusters of trees surrounding the property and Forks emerged. I heard Emmett grumbling behind me, running was his least favorite exercise; he preferred the treadmill over running outdoors, but he kept going.
Emmett was chunky when he was younger, people always made fun of his size. One summer he started reading fitness magazines, following the instructions to the letter and then entered sports; if he didn't know how to play, he learned and eventually mastered it.
His love for football started when we were kids, it was one of Dad's guilty 'd watch as many games as possible when Dad was home and if he was called to the hospital Emmett, would watch and give Dad a play by play when he got home. So, it seemed only natural that Emmett was granted a full athletic scholarship to play football at USC and was eventually drafted into the NFL. After joining the band he started training me mainly out of boredom while we were on the road.
The run took about twenty minutes. Once we returned to the gym we did a couple sets of push-ups, which was Emmett's favorite. I was on the exercise ball doing my last set of crunches when the dizziness hit me, my arm flailed out when I thought I was going to topple over. I got off the ball and sat on the floor as the room slowly stopped moving.
"You ok?" my brother asked, looking concerned.
"Yeah, give me a minute."
"Let's call it a day, you don't want to push it," Jasper said.
"Nah, I'm good."
"No, you're done for the day. Go shower," Emmett said as he held his hand out to help me off the floor. "It'll get easier, ok?"
I didn't say anything and just nodded. I had to remember: One day at a time.
****
I was walking out of my room after a quick shower when I saw a dejected Bella walking the halls.
"Hey what's wrong?" I asked when she reached me.
"Esme kicked me out of the kitchen," she said with a pout. I hid my chuckle as I wrapped my arms around her. Her hair was still damp from her shower, I could smell the floral conditioner she used that was soft and delicate-- which is the best way to describe Bella. She pressed her body against mine; I sometimes wondered if I was still in a coma because I never thought she would be in my arms again.
"Didn't your doctor order you to rest more?"
"Yes," she mumbled into my chest. "But I thought I could at least make breakfast."
We walked back into her room, she stepped out of her shoes and crawled into bed fully clothed pulling the covers around her, I could see she was still pouting. I took my usual spot on top of the covers and hugged her to my side, her arm wrapped around my waist as she rested her head on my chest.
"I'm being a brat, huh?" she asked, looking at me with a frown.
"Yes," I replied as I gave her a peck on the lips.
"Ok, no more complaining. Did you have a good work out?"
"Yeah, it was good. It's going to take me a while to get back into the swing of things," I said. "But thankfully Emmett went light on me."
"No dizziness?" she asked quietly. I know the lingering dizziness bothered her, a constant reminder of Alec's attack.
"Just a little, but I knew that would happen." She squeezed me a little tighter and I kissed her hair as I tried to comfort her. "Hey, stop worrying."
"Can't help it," she murmured. I hated the fact that she felt guilty, it truly wasn't her fault Alec was a sneaky bastard. I knew no matter what I said she would continue to feel that way.
I tilted her chin and kissed her lips, hearing her sigh as she held me tighter made my heart flutter. My feelings for Bella were more intense than they had been before and there was no confusion about what I felt: I loved her - plain and simple. I didn't want her to tell me she loved me because she felt she needed to, I want her to say it when she was sure. And even though she hadn't said anything, the expression in her eyes told me I wasn't the only one who felt that way.
The knock on the door interrupted our little bubble. "Edward? Bella? Are you in there?"
I sighed. "Yeah, Jasper, come on in," I yelled.
Jazz stuck his head in; it was still wet from his shower. "Morning, Bella. Esme wanted me to let you both know breakfast was ready."
My stomach chose that moment to growl loudly. "Okay, we'll be there in a minute."
Jasper and Bella tried to hold back their laughter. "Okay, see ya down there," Jasper said as he closed the door.
"Is someone hungry?" she asked.
"Yes, after that work out I'm starved. Come on, let's go eat." I helped her get out of bed when she became tangled in the covers. It felt natural to take her hand as we walked to the kitchen, and some of the cheesiest love songs popped in my head. It was official, I had arrived in Nerdville and I was happy about it.
My mother had just handed me a plate when a new text message arrived.
Gather the troops!
Time for a camp fire round up!
Mike
Camp fire round up meant conference call. I had no desire to attend, but knew he wouldn't ask unless he really needed to talk to us about something. I sent a quick reply, otherwise he'd keep sending messages.
Mike,
Just sat down to breakfast, we'll call when we're done.
EC
"Conference call with Mike after breakfast," I informed everyone. I poured coffee for Bella and myself before joining everyone at the table.
"Well, at least they're not coming up here," Emmett said.
"Will Eric be on the call?" Rose asked with a frown.
"Not sure. Mike didn't say anything." I knew Rose was avoiding one on one conversations with Eric since the last meeting a few weeks ago. I told her if he kept pressuring her I would change representation, even though Rose and I weren't close it didn't mean I didn't look out for her.
Thirty minutes later we were all seated in the office, except for Bella who went back to her room. I placed the call to Mike and put him on speakerphone.
"Hey, Mike," we all said in unison.
"Hey, everyone!" he said. "Ok, now that Edward has been cleared to travel, we need to get started on the auction prizes. There are two in particular that need to be taken care of as soon as possible."
"The dates?" Alice inquired.
"No. We're still working on the original two that fell through, but we'll talk about that at a later date. We need to discuss the interview and a day at the studio auctions. The same person bought the auctions and is willing to combine both. Now here's the kicker, she's placed the bids on these two items because of the girls she mentors, but school is starting soon and she doesn't want it to interfere with their schedules. So could you guys get to Los Angeles in a couple of days?"
I hadn't really thought about the auction since the night of the benefit, when I originally set it up I planned to have everything done, aside from the dates, by now. Until recently everything had been put on hold, and I definitely didn't want people here at my parents' home, so Los Angeles sounded good. Besides this will give my parents' time alone and we will go have some fun.
"Mike, we'll need to get back to you, but if I went by the looks in this room, a trip to Los Angeles will be great."
"Great, could you let me know in the next few hours?" he asked anxiously.
"Yeah, I'll call you back, we can go over the particulars then."
"And is Bella there?"
I was instantly on edge. "No, she's not here right now. Why?"
"Since reporters are trying to get interviews with you and Emmett, they've also been contacting me about her. So maybe later we can discuss who you want to give the big interview to," Mike explained.
I honestly hadn't thought about future interviews, other than when the new CD was released, which wouldn't be for a while. With the attack and pending trial it was understandable that answers were in high demand.
"Ok, Mike. I'll give you a call back later about L.A. I'll need to speak with Bella."
"Alright, talk to you guys soon," Mike said and clicked off.
"As much as I love Mom and Dad, I have to say I can't wait to get the fuck out of here for a few days," Emmett said dryly.
"Amen!" Jasper murmured.
"Starbucks!" Rose and Emmett yelled at the same time, giving each other high fives.
"Chanel!" Alice said with a grin. Even though she was there less than two months ago I could tell she was excited to get back.
"Okay, we'll need to have the instruments transported, since it's a day in the studio we should have songs we're definitely going to record or work on something with them….I guess we can wing it," I said. I saw Alice making a list in her Hello Kitty notebook. Seriously, what is up with all the Hello Kitty in this house?
"Well, in that case, should we even work on the demo we started last night?" Jasper asked.
"I still think everyone should hear it and take it from there. We can meet in the music room in a half hour because I need to go talk to Bella."
"And call Aro, I'm not sure we can legally say anything until everything is over," Emmett reminded me.
"Shit, you're right." I hadn't thought about that, I wasn't used to being this censored.
"I'll call him and get back to you and Bella," Emmett said with his cell phone already to his ear.
We left the office while Emmett placed the call to Aro and I went back up stairs to Bella's room. I knocked on the door but I didn't get a response. I opened the door calling her name in case she was in the bathroom, but the door to the bathroom was wide open so I knew she was definitely not in there. I figured she was outside, enjoying the little sunshine that was starting to peek through the clouds. I went to my room because I wanted to grab my beanie before going back outside, but when I walked into my room I found Bella sitting on my bed with my laptop.
She looked startled when I burst through the door. "Sorry, I hope you don't mind me using your computer," she said shyly.
Chuckling, I crawled into bed and sat behind her. "You can use it anytime, babe," I said. She settled in between my legs and continued her online search. "What are you searching for?"
She didn't say anything as she handed me some pamphlets on Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and continued her Google search. As I read, everything started to fall into place, from Bella's jumpiness to her persistent nightmares.
"Where did this come from?"
"From my appointment yesterday, it seems I have a lot of the symptoms."
The one symptom that jumped out at me was flashbacks, the only time I knew of was the coffee incident at breakfast a few weeks ago. "And do you sometimes think you're back with…him?" I asked.
"Yes, sometimes I could be doing something and I hear a noise, next thing I know my heart is pounding as I wait for him to come take me back. Or if someone startles me, I…I have to remind myself that I'm safe," she said in a low voice. I could hear her take a few deep breaths as her body began to shake.
"You're safe, Bella. I won't let anything happen to you," I whispered in her ear.
"I know," she said in a teary voice. I moved the laptop to the other side of the bed and shifted Bella until she was facing me and she immediately buried her face in my chest. "I hate this," she murmured. "I'm so fucking tired of crying and being afraid."
"It's going to take time, it's not going to happen overnight, but I promise you it will get better. And if you do have this Post traumatic stuff, then we'll get through it." I took my sleeve and tried to wipe her tears, which caused her to laugh. Seeing her smile brightened my day.
I leaned over and kissed her lips, they were soft, plump and tasted like strawberries. She didn't resist when I deepened the kiss, with my fingers in her hair she moaned against my lips. Bella's hand was on my hip, when her fingers made contact with skin, she stilled. Our breathing was labored; I couldn't resist kissing her forehead wishing I could take it further.
"Better?" I asked.
"Yes," she said with a chuckle. Her skin was flushed and her eyes were heavy with desire.
"Good." I pressed my face into her hair taking in her scent, relishing her touch.
"Was the meeting ok? It didn't last long."
"It was good. Mike explained we have to start fulfilling auction commitments. So we're going to LA next week."
"Oh, that will be good for you guys."
I frowned. "Bella, you do realize you're going with us, right?"
"I am?"
"Silly Bella, yes you're going with us," I said as I gave her another kiss. "When was the last time you were there?" I remembered her telling me she and her dad used to go for summer vacation.
"When I went with my dad," she murmured. I knew she missed her dad like crazy, especially lately with everything going on with James.
"Well, then this is going to be a little different. No parents, you can stay up as long as you want and if Emmett has his way, Pinkberry for breakfast."
"What's Pinkberry?" she asked.
"Oh babe, the best frozen yogurt on the west coast, it's Emmett and Alice's crack."
"Oh geez! More sugar for those two?"
"Don't worry about it, but it'll still be fun. And beware you will more than likely go shopping with Ace," I warned.
"I'm dreading that little outing, our last one was horrific."
"What happened?" I asked. I didn't get the details on what happened when they went to Port Angeles; I just knew it was when Alice had found out about Bella's marriage.
"She didn't tell you?"
"No. What happened?" I repeated.
"She saw my bruises," she said quietly. The confusion must have been evident in my eyes. "She walked in on me when I was changing and saw my body…I thought you knew this already."
"No, I thought you confided in her or something. Hell, I was still reeling over finding out, so it's all a blur," I admitted. I'd only seen a few bruises on her face and arms, I wasn't sure if I would have been able to handle seeing what he did to her body.
"No, far from it, but we talked it out. In a way I needed that, she's been good to me ever since, but it doesn't mean I want to go shopping with her."
"Yeah, she can be a bit much. If you need me to talk to her, I can," I offered.
"No, it would hurt her feelings. Hopefully we can come to some sort of agreement."
I hugged her tighter and I heard her sigh. "Oh, before I forget, it seems you've been getting offers for interviews, so Mike wants you, me and Emmett to figure out who we want to talk to. But Emmett is talking to Aro first to get the ok."
"Interviews? Why me?" she shrieked as she sat up.
"Be careful," I warned when I saw her wince at the sudden movement. "Well, people are curious about what happened, so yeah they want to interview you."
"Can you imagine me stammering with some reporter? That clip would haunt me for the rest of my life. Nope, no thanks," she said, sounding all fiery.
"Why don't you think about it for a while?"
"Edward, honestly no one cares about what I have to say."
She may have been talking about an interview but her words meant something deeper. "I always care about what you have to say. Besides, that fucker got his chance to spread his lies, why don't you counteract it with the truth?"
A knock on the door interrupted our conversation, Emmett walked in without me granting permission. "Dude, you should wait till I say 'Enter' or some shit like that."
"Why should I wait? I know you guys aren't doing the horizontal floppy," Emmett said dryly.
"That's not the point," I argued.
"Could we discuss what Aro told me or are you planning to whine for the rest of the day?" Emmett retorted.
"Just for the record, you're an asshat," I said with mock seriousness.
"Asshat? Lord, that's all you got? Moving on," he said, flipping me off. "Just talked to Aro, he said no interviews and he'll contact Mike about prospects and get back to us. He also advised we should continue with 'No comment.' As for the fan interview he said not to answer any questions pertaining to the case," Emmett relayed to us.
"Okay, I can handle that," Bella said, looking more relaxed.
"So, it's official: we're going to L.A.," I said, smiling at Bella.
"L.A. baby!" Emmett yelled, rubbing his hands together. "Bells, we're going to have so much fun! We can go down to Huntington and go surfing--"
"Surfing? Oh, hell no," Bella said, shaking her head.
I had to laugh as Emmett tried to argue with her about the beauty of surfing and Bella refused to give in. She honestly looked adorable when she was putting her foot down, it reminded me of when we first met, and I knew I had to make this trip special for her. While Emmett and Bella continued to argue I sent a text to Mike.
We're in! Email me with travel arrangements.
-EC
I was going through my contacts when Mike replied to my text.
EC-
Awesome! Already online with Frank to transport instruments, might be there tonight. You guys will leave tomorrow evening….maybe.
Stay tuned.
- Mike
"Okay, Mike wants us there ASAP. Frank might be here tonight to transport instruments," I said, relaying the latest information.
"Okay, then we should go start packing that shit up," Emmett said. I could feel the excitement vibrating from him.
Alice popped in the room. "Bella, did you hear? We're going to L.A.," she said as she hopped on the bed and sat on the foot to talk to Bella. "I know you don't want to, but we need to go shopping while we're there. You need more than two pairs of jeans. You need clothes that fit."
"I don't have two pairs of jeans, I have four, thank you very much," Bella said in a haughty voice.
"I stand corrected. Either way, you're going shopping."
"I get to choose the place--"
"Sorry no, you'll choose Forever 21 or some shit like that."
"Well, I can afford Forever 21, so no dissing."
"Sorry, I only like to watch fighting unless there is mud involved. Ace, stop hounding her about shopping, only thing she needs is a bikini for the beach," Emmett said.
"I'm not wearing a bikini, Emmett, so stop," Bella barked. An image of Bella in a pink bikini popped in my head. I'd never seen her in a bikini but the image felt so real.
"We will compromise, ok Bella? Besides this is a gift from Mom and Dad. Do you want to hurt their feelings?" Alice explained. My head shot up, Mom and Dad were funding the shopping excursion? I'd planned to give Alice my credit cards. I'd been so busy sending a text, I'd only half listened to what was going on around me.
"I can't have them paying for my clothes," Bella said worriedly.
"Ace, no pressuring Bella," I said sternly and sent a text to my friend Milano.
"Let's go downstairs, listen to the demo and start packing," I said as I got off the bed. I looked back to see Bella was still sitting on my bed. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing. I just realized I'm leaving the state for the first time since I was 16 and I don't need to ask permission," she said softly.
She hasn't left Washington in nine years? "Bella, you're a grown woman. You're allowed to do whatever you want. You can leave the state, you can walk down the street butt naked... well, not really, but you get the gist," I said as I grabbed her hand.
When we entered the music room it was all business, we reviewed the demo but my mind drifted as I made plans for Bella in L.A. I wanted to make this trip fun for her. She deserved to let loose and be happy.
***
The sun streaming through the windows caused me to wake before my alarm went off. I could hear the birds chirping and I was happy to see the sun when I'd become accustomed to gray, cloudy days. Just as I was drifting off again, my alarm signaled it was time to wake up. As I dragged my ass out of bed I realized I missed waking up with Bella in my arms.
Mike had managed to find a five bedroom house that had a small gym, which Emmett had me use when we arrived last night, and a built-in studio so it was like being in Forks but with sunlight. I stepped into the shower before the water had a chance to warm up, but I needed that jolt; it wasn't as good as coffee, but it would do.
The last 48 hours had been hectic, once we'd told Mike we'd come to LA there was no stopping him. We'd barely had time to discuss the demo when Frank and his guys showed up to grab the instruments. Jasper, Emmett and I decided to carry our own personal favorite guitars. Not that we didn't trust Frank, but we felt naked without them. Now that we were here, I was suddenly feeling nervous, even though I'd been playing almost on a daily basis with Jasper or Emmett I felt suddenly stripped.
My shower didn't last long, I was too jittery to enjoy it and I needed a cigarette. I hadn't smoked in more than six weeks, but my nerves were shot. Rose. She would be the only one to have cigarettes, since Jasper gave them up, again. I put on a pair of black jeans with a short sleeve v-neck gray tee shirt and my standard black and white Chuck Taylors. When I opened the bedroom door I was hit with an aroma of bacon, eggs and maple syrup.
When I walked in the kitchen I expected to find Bella at the stove but instead I found people who looked to be from a catering company. Not wanting to get in their way even though I was starving, I went out back to find Bella snapping pictures of a nervous looking Rose puffing on a cigarette.
"Bella, it's not going to work, let's forget it," Rose snapped loudly. I could see Bella visibly retreating into herself as she stopped snapping pictures. Rose must have noticed too because she started to apologize before I could speak up. "Bellinia, I'm so sorry. Please forgive me." Rose, not the touchy feely sort, gave Bella a quick hug.
"Good Morning, ladies," I said to make my presence known. They looked over, I could see Bella's eyes were glassy as if she was on the verge of tears. Well, this is not how I wanted to start the day.
"Morning," they said in unison, then looked at each other and giggled which lead me to believe whatever tension they had before quickly faded. Women. I caught Bella's eye and she walked over to me to give me my morning hug.
"How are you?" I asked as I dug my nose into her hair. I noticed I was quickly becoming addicted to her smell, unfortunately not even her addicting scent could calm the nervousness that seemed to have plagued me this morning.
"Okay considering Rose is spazzing on me."
"She hates to have her picture taken," I replied.
"I know, she warned me. We were trying to go against the grain."
I looked over a Rose who was lighting another cigarette, I never knew the deal with Rose and photographers, at first I thought she was being a diva of some sort until I saw her visibly shake when a photographer became too aggressive. I had to hold Jasper back from kicking the guy's ass, but we all came to an unsaid understanding to never push her.
Bella and I were still wrapped in each others arms, when Rose walked over, holding out a cigarette. "You look like you could use this," she said. I started puffing on the filthy stick before she finished her sentence. As much as I hated smoking, it helped calm me when I started to freak out.
"Are you ok?" Bella asked, a frown marring her forehead.
I placed a kiss to her plump lips, she tasted like oranges while I now tasted like minty tobacco. "Just nervous about how the new music will be accepted," I admitted.
"I'm sure it's going to be fine," she assured me and stood on her tippy toes to give me another kiss.
"Kids, I hate to break up the love fest but if you don't want your relationship all over Twitter I advise you to chill on the groping. Mike has arrived with our guests," Rosalie said, looking intently at the French doors that lead to the house. Mike walked through with a woman in her mid-thirties, who he introduced as Dee, the winner of the two auctions and she introduced the girls she mentored, Stacey an African American teen with wild curly hair that reminded me of Scary Spice back in the day, and Jax who looked like she just arrived from the beach. At first, they didn't say anything but stared at me and Rosalie, but nearly squealed with delight when they were introduced to Bella who was staring at them as if they lost their minds.
"I got Starbucks, bitches!" Emmett yelled from inside the house.
"I see Emmett has arrived, let's go inside, we have breakfast waiting for everyone," Mike said as he motioned for everyone to follow him inside. He then introduced the newcomers to Emmett, Jasper and Alice. The girls still seemed nervous at the beginning of the meal but with Em being Em he had them laughing and more relaxed by the time we entered the studio an hour later.
Jax knew how to play guitar, but Stacey admitted she didn't know how to play any instruments. I grabbed one of the extra acoustics we'd brought with us and took Stacey to a quiet corner in the studio. I could feel Dee and Mike's gazes on us, but I ignored them.
I handed her the guitar and showed her where to place her hands, we made the necessary adjustments until she found a comfortable position and then taught her a few easy chords. The excitement that radiated from her reminded me of when I played my first song for my parents, that weird since of accomplishment. Stacey was a fast learner, after teaching her the easiest chords, I showed her a riff which she was able to play with no difficulty after a few tries.
"You have to get a guitar," I said as I watched her play the riff again.
"Yeah, that's never going to happen," she said, trying to mask her disappointment.
"Why not? Maybe your parents can get a used one cheap."
She just shook her head and sighed. "Edward, my mom and I are barely surviving. A guitar is out of the question."
I've never really had to think about money, I never had to starve, my parents worked not because they had to but because they enjoyed their jobs. My father, who was technically a trust fund kid, didn't believe in spoiling his children, which is why he cut me off during college, but I knew if things were too bad my parents or uncle would give me the cash. But due to my stubbornness I had been determined not to ask for money. I'd forgotten there were families like Stacey's where a guitar was a complete luxury, something I took for granted.
"I'm sorry," I said, and I truly was.
"Don't be sorry, Edward, its rough right now but it's better than where we were two years ago."
"And where was that?" I asked.
"Getting our asses kicked by my dad," she said bluntly. I could feel my eyes bulging as I sat there stunned into silence. "Hey, I didn't say that to freak you out, I figured with you helping Isabella you'd understand."
"I'm sorry," I apologized again. I knew what Bella had suffered through, but to know someone as young as Stacey dealt with the same thing broke my heart. "You're just a kid, I don't understand. Sorry, I just don't understand how anyone could hurt the people they love like that. I don't know how to wrap my mind around it." I knew I was stammering and sounded like a complete idiot, but nothing about abuse made sense to me.
She unstrapped the guitar and sat it next her chair. "You're not supposed to get it, Edward. You should never rationalize beating someone you supposedly love. Those fuckers love to see the other person down, they take perverse pleasure in seeing you cry, seeing you beg for mercy because they feel small and insignificant in their own lives and need to feel powerful by taking it out on those around them."
"Hold old are you?"
"Sixteen," she said with a small smile. Outwardly she looked like a teenager, but in her eyes you could see the uncanny wisdom; she was an old soul. We both turned our heads when we heard the digital camera going off. Bella was close enough to have heard the conversation Stacey and I were having. Images of James on top of Bella on the night of the benefit filled my head, I couldn't imagine hurting the woman I love that way, let alone my child. I looked at Stacey again and it hit me: Bella was able to divorce her husband, but Stacey couldn't simply divorce her father, he helped create her and yet he tried to destroy her. Fuck, I need a cigarette.
"Edward, do you want to go over the Silent demo?" Jasper asked, interrupting my thoughts.
"No, not 'Silent', it needs to be re-written." It hit me right there the song I'd written was no good.
"Ok what do you want to work on?" Jasper asked in a confused voice.
I had no fucking clue. "Let me go smoke a cigarette and then we'll figure it out," I said. I looked at Stacey who had picked up the guitar again and started playing the chords I taught her. "What kind of music do you generally listen to?"
"Hip Hop," she admitted. "I honestly don't know anything about your band. Dee placed the bid for Jax, and since we're best friends I promised I would come. She's a huge fan, but you did win brownie points with me when I heard about you kickin' Bella's husband's ass. People usually turn a blind eye when they see a guy beat on a girl. But you didn't, that's fuckin cool."
"She's my friend, I couldn't let him do that." I couldn't understand not doing anything, I knew it nearly killed Jake when Ramsey placed threats over his head.
"You don't know how many times my mom and dad fought in the middle of the street and no one did anything. I grew up thinking no one cared, but then I met Jax and Dee, they made me believe in people again. They told me over and over that there are some good people. I really didn't believe it, I thought they were rare," Stacey continued on. "And when me and my mom left my dad, we were scared, there was no one else to help or protect us. We finally went to the shelter and met Dee, she didn't bat an eye, just helped us, constantly reminding us we weren't alone."
"There was no one to help?" I asked. Bella had Jake and my dad, I couldn't imagine what would have happened if they weren't in her life.
"No. No one we knew was willing to help. One day my mom packed my stuff and we ran. I was so afraid she wasn't going to start the car, but she did." She stared at me, I could see the tears forming in her eyes that she was trying to hold back. "Shit, I promised Jax I wouldn't embarrass her."
"You're not embarrassing anyone. In fact, you're inspiring. And for the record, if anyone of us saw your father hurting you or your mother in the streets we would have gladly kicked his ass," I stated.
The tears she tried to hold back streamed down her cheeks, she looked like the little girl she was. I reached over and gave her a hug, I could feel her small body shaking as she tried to compose herself. I looked around the room to see everyone had their eyes trained on us. Dee and Jax came over to Stacey to make sure she was ok. She kept apologizing for losing it, I tried to reassure her it was ok.
The room suddenly became too small, I grabbed Rose's cigarettes she'd left on the table and walked out of the studio. Unsure of where I was going, I opened the front door and stepped into the sunlight. The warm rays didn't help ward off the chill that suddenly wracked my body. My hands were shaking as I lit the cigarette and took a huge drag. I began to walk in small circles, puffing on my cigarette, trying to figure out why my conversation with Stacey affected me this way.
"Rosalie will kill you if you smoke all her cigarettes," Alice said, interrupting my thoughts. I turned to see my sister standing a couple feet away, as she walked closer I could see remains of tears on her lashes.
"Ace, what if we hadn't come home?" I asked.
She shook her head. "I don't like to think that way."
"I understood Dad and Jake's hands were tied but other people knew and no one did a damn thing."
"I agree it was completely fucked up, but the good news is she's no longer there. Concentrate on that."
I lit another cigarette. "I don't understand why I'm reacting this way. It's not like I don't know what's going on. I just feel out of sorts right now."
"Because you're usually focused on Bella. You knew who the players were in her situation and when we set out to do this auction, the other victims were faceless people in the crowd. They had no names, but Stacey, she's real. And it hit you that you can't blur her out, no more than you could blur out Bella. And if it was up to you, you'd protect her too."
"Caring fucking sucks," I said, taking another drag.
"Yeah, it blows monkey balls."
I stubbed out my cigarette because I was getting nauseous from smoking too many in a short period of time. I was about to head back to the house when Alice stopped me and wrapped her tiny arms around me. "Thank you, Alice."
"You're welcome. Now let's go back in there and make this a fun day for those girls," she said as she grabbed my hand and pulled me toward the house. Bella was waiting in the entry way and walked into my arms, not caring about prying eyes, I leaned down and kissed her.
"You looked like you could use that," she said with a smirk.
"It's exactly what I needed," I said and truly meant it. Being the greedy son of a bitch that I am, I kissed her again.
When we returned to the studio, the mood was tense, not what I envisioned when I woke up that morning.
"Emmett, pick a song, any song and we're playing it," I said as I strapped on my guitar.
"You know he's going to pick something with Michael Jackson," Jasper said dryly.
"You know Michael Jackson songs?" Stacey asked.
"Emmett happens to be one of the biggest MJ fans you'll ever meet," I explained.
"Then he and Stacey will should have a sing off, she's a Michael Jackson freak too," Jax said. That was honestly the most relaxed thing she'd said since she'd arrived.
"Stacey, you up for the challenge?" Emmett asked with a cocky grin.
Stacey was sitting next to Bella in the corner and looked over at Emmett with an equally cocky grin. "Emmett, try to keep up. You choose the song."
Jasper and I looked at each other and then rolled our eyes as Jasper played the opening chords to 'Bad'. Emmett jumped right in with the opening lines, even adding the dance moves with practiced perfection. Stacey jumped in on the second verse taking, the spotlight from Emmett. I knew Stacey was musical and wasn't surprised she could actually sing, it was very poppy but still strong. She and Emmett fed off each other's energy, getting the room to relax and sing along.
When the Michael Jackson duo ended their song, Rose continued on a familiar beat that caused Alice to squeal in delight as she and Rose launched into 'Hollaback Girl'. All the ladies were singing in a group at the top of their lungs, even Bella put the camera down along with Dee and was singing and dancing in the middle of the room.
The morning had a rocky star but we finally found a groove, we hit all genres of music and everyone was having a good time. Jax even sang her rendition of 'Forget You' which had a bluesy vibe. Even though I wasn't singing the song, the words still hurt; I'd written the song while drunk and angry at Bella. As usual my song lyrics centered on her, even though I was sober this time around, I felt that giddiness I usually felt after a few shots.
Emmett started play a melody I hadn't heard before, I didn't think he realized he was playing it, just something he was fiddling with. I nodded to Mike to start recording, Rose was listening to Emmett play and quickly found a beat to match. Jasper and I followed suit and we just jammed for a few minutes. I whispered to Alice to wait for my signal, as I stepped up to the mic and started singing the first thing that came to mind.
I'm on this merry go round,
I'm dizzy all the time.
I can't stand on my own two feet
Even though I never left the ground
As dizzy as I feel
I'm not ready to give it up
I feel wasted, wasted
I feel wasted, wasted
Head over feet
Wasted, wasted
I fell in love again
When will I ever learn?
With kisses so sublime
Never holding back
Not this time
I'm wasted, so wasted
I'm wasted, so wasted
Head over feet
So wasted (wasted, wasted)
Will she ever tell me how she feels?
But I'm pretty sure I know
She's just as drunk as me
learnin' how to deallll
She's wasted, wasted
She's wasted, wasted
So wasted, wasted.
Head over feet
Completely wasted
We're like little kids not sure what to do
I think she's in love with me too
And you know how I feel
I love her with my all my heart and my soul
But we got a deal
We'll stay drunk together
Nothing better than seein' my girl
So wasted, just so (wasted, wasted).
Wasted
So wasted
I'm standing here so drunk
As can be
As you look at me
The room spinin'
I'm drunk as I wanna be
Yet there's no whiskey
Anywhere near meeee
But I'm wasted
Wasted
I'm wasted
Head over feet
I'm wasted on
You and meeee
So wasted wasted
I'm so fuckin wasted
Me and my girl
We're wasted
The room was silent when we finished. I felt an instant relief, I needed to purge myself after the emotional roller coaster I'd been on today. Plus, it counteracted the heavy feeling in my chest after Jax's performance.
"Ohmigod! That was great," exclaimed Jax.
I was nervous about the impromptu song but happy it was received well. "Glad you liked it."
"Will that be on the new CD?" she asked excitedly.
"I'm not sure, I will see how it sounds," I said. Mike worked the boards and replayed the song. Overall we were happy with the song but I knew it needed to be tweaked. We would probably re-record because I needed Alice to help with the backup vocals. We were listening to the demo for a second time, critiquing the lyrics and melody when Bella handed me a bottle of water.
"Thanks."
"You're welcome," she said quietly as she sat next to me. I realized it was the first time Bella had been in the studio while we recorded. She'd been present for jam sessions of cover songs but never an actual recording.
"What did you think of the song?" I asked anxiously. I was curious about her reaction.
"I really liked it," she said so quietly I had to bend down just to hear her. "I always feel dizzy with you." I could feel the blush rising on my cheeks. "Have I ever told you I find your blushing adorable?"
I laughed. "No, you haven't mentioned that before," I said. I loved her when she was in a teasing mood. "Anything else about me makes you laugh?" I asked.
"Yes, I laugh whenever you eat M&M's because you separate them by color, always saving reds for last," she said with a snicker and laid her head on my shoulder.
"Only you would notice those things," I said as I kissed her hair.
"I notice everything about you," she said, the teasing manner replaced with seriousness.
"And I you," I murmured and gave her a quick kiss on the lips. I looked up in time to see Jax watching us with wide eyes and Stacey with a knowing grin, she even winked at us.
"Oh my god, did they see that?" she asked nervously.
"Yeah, but who cares? Once people hear this CD they'll know my feelings for you."
"There are more songs like that?"
"Yes, they're on my computer. You can listen to them later," I said. Even though I'd been worried about how fans would receive the new music, it was Bella's reaction I was most nervous about.
"Hey guys," Mike called out. "Unfortunately, Jax has to get to work. It's her last day so she doesn't want to leave on a bad note. If it's ok with everyone, we'll continue with the interviews tomorrow."
"Okay, we can resume tomorrow morning," I said.
"Thank you! I'm so sorry for the inconvenience," Jax said apologetically.
"Hey, don't worry about it," Emmett said, giving her a playful hug.
"Okay, let's do one last recording. Alice, I was thinking Jax and Stacey could assist you on the backup vocals, signal them when to come in. Rose pick-up the tempo by half a beat and Emmett follow Edward's lead," Jasper directed. I found Bella's gaze as I sang the first lines, she sent me a small smile which put me in girly mode and my heart began to flutter.
I walked Mike and our guests out to the car and Mike handed me a package that was delivered to his office. "It's from Milano, damn that woman is hot!" he exclaimed.
"She's married, dude," I said.
Everyone was congregated in the living room when I walked back in. Now that the hard part was over I was exhausted and it was only a little after four in the afternoon. It seemed I wasn't the only one that felt that way.
"I need a nap," Alice said. "I hate acting all happy and perky."
"You are happy and perky," Rose retorted.
"Yeah, but I couldn't be happy and perky while saying 'fuck', big difference," Alice replied.
"Sorry the pixie role is so tiring," I said dryly.
"Yeah, cause Rose already stole the bitch role."
"I sure as fuck wasn't doing that perky shit," Rose mumbled.
After a few minutes the subject of what we were going to do that night became the topic discussion. Emmett wanted to hit the Hollywood hot spots, Alice wanted to see what friends were available and Jasper and Rose wanted to do something low key.
"Hey, let's take Bella to Osteria Mozza," I suggested. It was one our favorite restaurants in L.A. that was located in a low key area even though celebrities hung out there.
"What's that?" Bella asked.
"Italian restaurant, basically a gourmet pizza place. Its really good," I explained.
"He's right, Bella. I wouldn't let him take you some place with bad food," Emmett chimed in. "I'll call and get a reservation for seven o'clock." He and Rose went outside.
"Great, I'm taking a nap," Jasper said, grabbing Alice's hand.
Once I was sure Jasper and Alice were upstairs I handed the package Mike gave me to Bella. "Happy Birthday."
Her eyes were bulging, her mouth opened wide. "You knew it was my birthday?" she asked.
"Yes. Now open your gift." She looked at my warily before opening the box. Once she got passed all the tissue paper, she clamped her hand over her mouth. "Do you like it?" I asked anxiously.
"You remembered," she murmured. When she looked at me her eyes were filled with tears.
"I remembered every conversation," I said.
She lifted the two layered Dodger blue tee shirt with white sleeves. Her name was stitched on back with the number 84, for the year she was born. Her eyes were closed as she held the shirt to her chest.
"Do you like it?"
"I love it. Thank you so much, Edward." She caressed my cheek as she placed a gentle kiss on my lips. "You constantly amaze me. I wish I could express how much I love you, because I really do."
"I love you too, Isabella."
A/N: Your thoughts....loved it? Hated it? Blah? Just REVIEW!! LOL
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