Chapter Twelve
Close Encounters of This Kind…
After the meeting had gone down Rukia went off somewhere to talk to Renji. Ichigo said his farewells and made his way home. Once again dealing with the craziness of his family proved too much so he headed upstairs to think in his room.
Music always did the trick headphones on eyes closed. A meditative state that usually gave him the answers he needed. It was funny how things like that worked.
Rukia pounced from the window on his bed rather gracefully. He opened one eye and watched as she needlessly pulled her legs up to make room.
There went his peaceful meditation.
"Sorry I interrupted your sleep," Rukia said.
Ichigo sat up, "I wasn't asleep."
They hadn't spoken to each other all day since earlier this afternoon at school.
"Why aren't you mad at me," Rukia asked him.
"Who says I'm not mad?"
"Oh, I-
"Relax I admit it, that I was a little upset," Ichigo said.
Rukia turned wrapping her arms around her legs so she faced him, "go on get it all out in the open now. Don't hold it in and let it blow up in my face later down the road when-
"Are you deaf or were you not listening. I said I'm not mad at you Rukia. I just missed you," Ichigo said.
"I'm holding back your human life. You should be-
"With me," Ichigo finished for her.
"Stop-
"Making excuses," Ichigo cut her off again.
"It can never-
"Be anyone else," Ichigo said ducking as she attempted to kick him. "Aren't you going to yell at me about taking over your bed," she said then kicked him playfully.
He grabbed her foot and pulled her closer.
"That would draw the attention of those idiots downstairs besides I missed you," he said lightheartedly.
His face was only inches from hers. Just what did he intend to do, Rukia started into his eyes with wonder.
"Ichigo?"
"I want you with me but if that can't happen-
"Don't get all mopey on me because of that meeting," she said.
"Rukia what took you so long I waited all day to talk to you," he scolded.
Her darkened eyes flooded with unspent tears. He was confused by her reaction.
"Rukia?"
"What?"
"I meant what I said back then; that I'd say everything here in this world. I just needed you to be here to do so," Ichigo said.
"I don't know what happened and I'm sorry you had to wait so long-
"Let me just say it," Ichigo said cutting her off.
"It's always you. Rukia you are it. I am not confused about my feelings. I know myself well so only I know how feel. Even if my mind gets crowded with others voices mine is the one that wins every time. Count on that," Ichigo said.
"Orihime's crazy about you. I see that. That is the part I see and that I can't ignore," Rukia said sitting up again.
Ichigo lay back on the pillow staring up at the ceiling. When did this thing with Orihime come into play? Was it that hard for everyone to accept that Orihime was his friend, he wondered. He would finish what he needed to say, he thought continuing.
"I wanted to tell you the way I feel about you since that day you were taken away," Ichigo started.
"We've said enough," Rukia interrupted once more.
"I am talking about the first time you were taken away with Renji and Byakuya. Rukia please can't you just stop avoiding the issue. Just stop avoiding me," he said.
"I can't let you decided this for both of us. She's my friend…will she understand," Rukia asked.
"Orihime knew even back then what you mean to me," he replied.
Ichigo you're so clueless, Rukia thought, even now he doesn't see Orihime. Perhaps true love was truly blind…and Ichigo truly loves me...idiot.
She stood up and walked to the closet doors. Maybe she was planning on fleeing to that dark space.
Leaning on the closet doors this time they just looked at each other. He guessed she was physically fleeing as fast as she was emotionally. He wasn't sure what to say to turn things around.
"So you're saying what, that I should just forget you. You know I can't you tried this excuse before," he said looking up at her.
The conversation earlier with Uryû replayed in his mind. Did everyone just suddenly forget that he was crazy about Rukia? Why suddenly did everyone start acting so strangely toward him? When she was gone no one bothered to question anything he said about her.
That look was in his eyes again. She didn't say anything just stood in silence.
"I'll talk to her if that's what you want; although she's been distant here lately. Haven't you even noticed that she is closer to Uryû than ever," Ichigo said.
His mind went back to the way Orihime sat quietly in the hospital when Uryû was hurt. He thought of all the times that Uryû protected Orihime and the bond they seemed to share. He thought of all that and yet here Rukia stood looking at him with…what was it regret. He couldn't go through this pain yet again. They had their separation time far too often for far too long.
"I shouldn't have kissed you. I should have just left things the way they were," Rukia said.
Ichigo's face was suddenly inches away again. His arms framed her from escape and just like that he kissed her. Her protest died away as she kissed him back.
'Let him fall from that place in her heart,' that's what Yoruichi said to her anyway. How do I control what's in her heart?
"It was real whatever we created back then was real. We're even now," he said staring down at her as he backed away.
She said nothing. She lost the argument long before. He was right everything she said grew out of her fears. Every excuse came from her insecurities. She pulled him close standing on her toes their foreheads touched. Closing her eyes she said the words that screamed in her head.
"Ichigo I love you."
"I know," he whispered.
There was nothing attached to what she said. She never said 'I love you but we can never be. I love you but Orihime loves you more. I love you but Byakuya will pierce you with a thousand swords if you come near me.'
He treasured those rare words from her. His thoughts put a smile on his face. She said it clearly without any additives. He kissed her again laughing to himself at her expression. If she made him work this hard for a confession he figured he'd make her wait just as long.
"Tell me," she pouted.
Her arms were still around his neck.
"Tell you what," he said sitting back on the bed practically dragging her along.
She wouldn't let go off his neck forcing him to look at her.
"Stop playing games with me, just tell me," Rukia said.
"I'm not going to say anything because you order me to do it. That isn't how this works," he said.
With strength rivaling that of Chappy she squeezed his neck.
"I wasn't ordering you," her eyes grew big and she looked confused and frightening at the same time.
Did he see fear in her eyes?
"What is going on," he asked concerned.
"Alright, now if someone were to come in they would see you arguing with yourself. To the people around you, you're a crazy person arguing with yourself," Rukia said.
"Don't do that," Ichigo said knowing where the conversation was going. Damn just when he got her to say what was truly in her heart she started to back pedal.
"We're impossible. It's very true what I'm saying. I'm not even here," she said.
"You are here. I see you. I am talking to you and you know I care about you…I can…Rukia go to this dance with me," he said the color rising in his cheeks.
"Is it that important to you," she asked.
"Nah, everyone will be expecting you to come. You're a part of the graduating class," he said.
It was almost as if he were trying to prove her existence to the rest of the humans. She smiled a little comforted by the suggestion but she wasn't naïve enough to ignore the nagging feeling that things just wouldn't work between them. After all it was only because of outsiders influence that she began to think that way.
Perhaps setting goals would keep her here longer. If there was a dance she would need to stay here long enough to go to it she reasoned. But she knew full well that the Soul Society wouldn't care for dances and the goals she would set were only important to her.
"If it is important yes I want to go with you," she answered.
"I love you, Rukia," His eyes caught hers and he added, "with my entire soul as crazy as that sounds."
"Ichigo…," she said unable to say anything else. He left her speechless once again. She was completely weakened by his presence. Once again he kissed her before she could even hope to recover.
He took her hand holding it close to his heart. His eyes pleaded for some unspoken action on her part. A voice inside her head scolded her as they entered dangerous territory. She pushed the voice further in her subconscious as she delighted in the sensations of his touch.
000
Tatsuki shouted that she had to study for an exam and she'd eat dinner upstairs in her room. No one in her family bothered to question her. The only time they really coordinated their schedules to eat together was on the weekends where it was required in her home on Sundays.
"You aren't going to eat anything," Renji looked at the bag she tossed his way.
"Fine dining at the Arisawa house they didn't include you in the take out plans," Tatsuki replied.
"But you should eat something," he said stirring at the noodles.
"No…yesterday my mother handed me this," Tatsuki reached in her school bag and threw a bottle of prenatal vitamins on the bed.
Renji nearly choked as he read the label.
"Your mother knows I'm up here," he asked.
"No but she thinks I'm eating for two and being all moody because I'm afraid to tell my father the truth. My mother has a real imagination and I had dinner number one downstairs already," she explained.
"They won't just come up here to check on you," he asked nervously looking at the door.
"Never," she answered.
"Well I feel foolish eating by myself," he said.
She sat down and took a spring roll from the bag. Munching slowly on the food she knew she had to convince her mother that there was no way she was close to pregnant.
Unless it works differently with Shinigami…great now her mother had her paranoid for no reason.
"What makes them think you are pregnant," he asked.
"I don't know it's a huge misunderstanding," she said.
He was relieved to know that she wasn't pregnant. Still wary and upset to know her parents thought it was a possibility. There had to be someone else in her life in order for her parents to jump to such conclusions.
"Is there something wrong with the food," she asked noticing that he had stopped eating lost in thought.
"No not at all," he said.
"What's with that look," she asked.
"There are rules here in this world and I shouldn't be here," he said.
"I know I gave you the false impression that this was acceptable-
"I'm not that naïve. You couldn't manipulate me into doing anything. I'm just saying I shouldn't be here," he said.
"There's something else isn't there," she asked.
"I felt jealous that there could be someone else in your life. Someone that you're so close to your parents know about him," he said.
She was quiet for a while leaning her head against the coolness of her bedroom wall.
"My mother has it in her mind that I'll be married and have a family before too long. She's constantly trying to set me up with sons of her friends and people she thinks would be great for me you know," she said looking at him.
He nodded. He could understand that.
"But I have a will of my own…A strong one at that and I think I'd make it in school or something. My father completely supports that view. Sometimes I think I'm more like my mother. I usually find someone to hang out with just to stop her from forcing her picks on me," she said chuckling.
Renji was laughing at the thought of an overbearing older version of Tatsuki forcing her picks on her daughter.
"Since that day…since you've been around lately I stopped picking. So my mother likely thinks something is up with me. She's trying to figure out just what," she said.
His heart leapt to know that he was on her mind since that theme park day as well he quickly concluded that he was indeed her pick.
"All this isn't necessary. The food…you don't have to change your life so much for me…maybe I should leave," he said.
"The food would have gone to waste. As long as you are here why would I spend my time with any other guy," she asked.
"When I leave-
"When you leave is a depressing conversation. There are female friends you spend time with in the Soul Society so I'm sure you understand how I feel…I'm not going to sit here and say spend time dating them," she said.
She was right he did spend time with other girls but it never felt the same. If she felt like he did, she wanted to be exclusive too.
"I'm falling for you," he said looking straight at her.
"Don't say big things I get it you aren't coming over here for my parents' food after all," she said.
"You are the most irritating person I know can't you just accept a compliment," he asked.
"You are adorable when you're angry like that. I'm no Hollow but ooh you are scary adorable and what you said wasn't a compliment it was a declaration or something. It can't happen because we're so impossible," she said.
"So what are you saying that dating other people might just be the only way to stay sane," he asked.
"Absolutely not I don't want you to date other people…I don't want to date anyone else…I don't even know what I'm saying anymore," she said.
He put the trash in the bag and sat on the other side of the bed.
She had a body pillow that kept her from rolling off the bed to the floor. While he freeloaded at her place the pillow became the boundary that separated them.
"We just need to ignore the pillow," he said.
She understood what he was trying to say. If they ignored the boundaries that separated them they would be alright.
"I asked you to stay here in the beginning because you had no place else to go. You were fun to talk to and I enjoyed your company. I was always out of the circle with Ichigo, Orihime, Sado, Uryû and Rukia.
Then you…damit you are right I want to know if there is someone else you are seeing because I feel jealous too," she said.
"There isn't anyone now but I can relate to how you feel being set up by you mother. No one understands when they see you alone a lot of the time. They all think they should fix it," he said.
She moved over so they sat side by side. Instinctively he put an arm around her shoulder and she put her head on his shoulder.
"In the Soul Society it is less of an issue to be alone. Officers have wives, girlfriends or lovers. However there are widowers and those who know loss too well to be bothered," he said.
"Like your Captain," she said.
"Yes…I've seen firsthand these things so if I allow myself these emotions-
"Renji you don't need to allow yourself emotions they are either there or they're not. They are written all over your face not only that you took time and answered my question," she said.
He knew what was coming. The whole day he had been bothered by seeing Tatsuki with another guy. He knew he had no right to judge her for it after all he had his own mistakes.
"I saw you talking to that classmate of yours earlier and something unfamiliar came over me. Words wouldn't do it justice but it felt worse than jealousy," he confessed.
"After the theme park day I didn't know what to do. Huyu and I were casually dating and he is…I didn't know what to tell him so I told him to give me some space," she answered his unspoken question.
"Some space," he echoed.
Was it fair to him that he had given up on Kaya but she couldn't give up on this Huyu, he wondered.
"I need to go," he said standing up.
"What is it Hollows alert," she joked and immediately regretted her stupidity. The look on his face said it all and she had just made a tremendous fool of herself. He quickly left without another word.