CHAPTER 20
Terry stood up, his eyes firmly fixed on the door, his breathing suddenly difficult. He clenched his jaw and applied all the discipline he could muster to relax his tense body. He should be good at that, he thought, he had to use many such self-control techniques in his work anyway, and yet... the words of his assistant had been like a jolt to the stomach; Albert and Candy are here to see me. They are actually outside this very door!
Of course he knew about their wedding about a year ago – who wouldn't, Albert's name at least was mentioned in the national press on a regular basis. Talk about a shock there, his ever informal, laid-back friend at the London Zoo to actually be the Head of one of the most powerful families in the United States of America!
In the beginning he was reluctant to read the various articles about him and Candy in the papers but with time he had learned to respect her for moving on; and anyway, who could blame her for falling for Albert? The man was essentially perfect; terribly handsome, incredibly wealthy, intelligent, kind, caring, modest, funny, charitable... and he adored Candy, Terry knew that well too. Back then he had been a bit jealous of their close relationship, their easy, happy co-habitation, the fact that Candy seemed to mention him all the time, Albert did this, Albert said that... with eyes always filled with genuine joy and admiration.
Perhaps it was a preview of a future that had already been drawn, even if neither of them could have imagined it at the time. Perhaps Susanna's dreadful accident was nothing more than what was needed for Candy to be free to find her true love at last. It pained him to admit it, but with hindsight, it was clear to him that Candy had always belonged with Albert – as if some unknown, unstoppable fate had spun a powerful web to enmesh these two since time immemorial; their love too palpable to miss even in the lifeless flatness of a black and white photo on the day's paper. And now they were here to meet him after all these years...
"Well... I'll be damned!" he said with a wide grin on his face walking towards the couple that had just entered his changing room.
Albert shook his hand fervently, his other hand resting on Terry's shoulder "dear old friend, it is so good to see you!"
Candy smiled shyly looking at the two of them not wanting to interrupt. She didn't have to say anything though, as Terry turned towards her and with a slight bow he took her hand and kissed it.
"It's lovely to see you again Candy" his eyes finally meeting hers; "you look great" he added.
She blushed "thank you Terry, it's nice to see you too; hope you don't mind us sneaking into your changing room like this without some warning first."
He laughed "no, not at all, I rather prefer it like this... you know... a surprise from the past!"
He looked at her more closely trying to read her expression, then noticed her figure, very feminine, very soft and curvy, perhaps very... full... it then dawned on him.
"Oh, do accept my apologies I just realised, well, congratulations! On many counts I guess, the wedding of course and the arrival of the new Ardlay when he or she comes" he smiled.
"Ah, thanks Terry, we are very excited about this too" said Albert putting his arm protectively around Candy's waist.
Terry quickly remembered his hosting skills - "but now come, do sit down, let me offer you something, tea, brandy, Albert? Candy?"
"No, no Terry, please, don't go into any trouble. We just popped in to say hi and congratulate you on an exquisite performance. I can't begin to tell you how much we enjoyed it" said Albert genially.
"Yes, you were incredible!" added Candy. "It is good that your troupe decided to visit Chicago, it would have been a shame to miss such an excellent play."
Terry seemed slightly embarrassed "thank you, your feedback means a lot to me, thanks, I appreciate your coming to see the play... and me."
Albert turned towards Candy "my dear, I think I will venture out to the foyer again, our friends are waiting there; you take some time to talk to Terry and I will see you shortly."
He spoke to Terry "my friend, sorry we can't stay longer to have a proper chat to catch up, but I imagine you have heaps to do, we were lucky to beat the queue of admirers out there" he teased. "Let's try to meet up again soon."
They shook hands once more "all the best Terry, you have done really well and we are very proud of you."
Terry's dark eyes glistened with what seemed like heartfelt gratitude "thank you Albert, and good luck in everything you do too, you deserve nothing but the best, my friend."
Albert waved goodbye and walked out of the door.
Candy and Terry were left alone in the changing room, momentarily unable to speak following Albert's departure. The last time they had parted was a long time ago but it was still a ruefully powerful memory that neither was keen to relive or discuss. Maybe it would feel like this for the rest of their lives, who knows... and yet it all happened a very long time ago and indeed so much had changed in the meantime. It would have been a lie to say that they had no feelings for each other... but these were new feelings, imbued with sadness, numbness... and the hope of a fledgeling friendship? Or something resembling it perhaps...
Candy walked towards Terry's dressing table and picked up a wig.
Terry laughed "go on then, try it on, don't be afraid!"
Candy blushed "I'd better not, sorry I didn't mean to be nosy... it's just... you have so many unusual things here, I couldn't help myself..."
Terry suddenly stood behind her and looked at her in the mirror; he raised his hand as if intending to touch her shoulder. She turned to face him. "How are you Terry? How is life treating you these days?"
He walked away from her and poured himself some brandy into a glass, then stretched and collapsed on a comfortable armchair "well, as you can see, terribly busy. I travel a lot giving performances. Theatre is my life and being an actor is a very demanding pursuit, believe me! But... yes... you can say I am happy... I love what I am doing and despite the challenges I wouldn't change it for anything in the world!" he added with a smile.
"Oh Terry, this is so good to hear... and how is Susanna, sorry I should have already asked..."
Terry motioned her to sit down "no worries, Candy. I suppose my arrival at Chicago probably took you as much by surprise as your visit here did to me tonight."
Candy nodded. She had known of course that Terry's troupe was coming to Chicago but she had been so busy with the new experience of her pregnancy and her usual activities to give it too much thought. Or maybe she had deliberately avoided thinking about the potential encounter...
"Well, Susanna is doing fine. She is slowly gaining mobility and is very much involved in helping my career. She edits scripts, organises my many meetings and helps me rehearse. Obviously she cannot follow the tours all the time, as it is very tiring for her, but she is a very strong woman and her determination to overcome her disability is really inspiring."
He drank a bit of his brandy and continued "We are thinking of opening a school for actors at some point in the future. I can see her running it actually, she is a gifted teacher and her zest for acting hasn't left her yet."
He paused and had another good look at her.
"I am not sure I need to ask how you are Candy, you look stunning and seeing you here tonight next to Albert, I think one needs to be a fool not to see how well suited you are together."
She lowered her eyes "thank you Terry, you are right, my life is wonderful and I am grateful for all I have."
They sat in silence for a couple of minutes, then Candy started to fiddle with her handbag and get ready to leave;
"Well, Terry, I don't want to outstay my welcome... and Albert is waiting for me of course..."
He pierced her with an intense stare. "Candy... there is something I need to ask you..."
She held her breath.
Terry continued "it was you, Candy, who came to see me at Rockstown, wasn't it?"
She looked at him confused, a bit sad to remember those times. Her expression answered his question.
"I ran out looking for you, I was sure I had seen you... but you were gone... why did you leave... not that it matters now I guess..." his voice trailed off.
Candy drew in a sharp breath and looked straight into his eyes.
"Terry... I came to Rockstown because I thought Albert was perhaps there. He had left without leaving me any information on his whereabouts and I was terribly worried about him. He sent a parcel from that small place so I went there hoping to find him. Instead..."
"Instead you found me... and in a bad shape..."
She felt a bit uncomfortable remembering that awful night.
"Yes..."
More silence. Then Candy started to get up.
"Listen, I really must be going now. Thanks a lot for agreeing to see us tonight Terry, it was so good to see you again. We... we are very proud of what you have achieved." He looked at her doubtfully. Candy couldn't help but smile sensing his modesty.
"I want you to believe that."
He slipped her shawl about her shoulders and turned her around slowly to face him.
"Candy... thank you."
She looked at him puzzled "what for?"
A sad smile formed on his face "for keeping your promise."
Candy stood opposite him – a grown-up woman, a married woman carrying inside her the child of the man she loved more than she loved her own life. Yet for one long moment, she saw herself again running down that endless flight of stairs, her vision blurred by stinging tears, her steps unsteady, her breathing hard, her heart broken into a thousand pieces. She remembered Terry's arms around her waist, his warm chest against her back, his trembling voice...
"Promise me you'll be happy" he had said.
Candy raised her hand and touched Terry's cheek. He held her hand as if trying to imprint its caress on his face. They shared a smile. The past belonged to the past but there was maybe hope for a different future. Some day... their deep friendship could have a chance to flourish again... maybe...
Candy walked towards the door ready to go. She turned the handle then turned back to look at him, her face serene, her heart finally at peace;
"Thank you for asking me to make that promise, Terry."
(***)
"I am sorry Miss, Mr Grantchester will not see anyone else tonight" the voice of Terry's assistant echoed in Candy's ears as she started to walk towards the foyer again.
"But he just saw HER!" Elisa's finger pointed in Candy's direction. "Why are you telling me he won't see me, she just came out of his changing room!" her voice now more of a shriek. "Do you know whoI am, how dare you turn me away!"
"Miss, for the last time, it is up to Mr Grantchester who he chooses to see. Now, would you please leave this private area and return to the main hall, thank you!" the exasperated man tried to get rid of this very persistent woman.
Elisa turned abruptly without thanking the assistant and walked away mumbling insults to herself. She caught up with Candy who was standing at the top of the stairs trying to spot Albert and the others.
"Well, there you have it!" Elisa boomed next to her. "If it hadn't been for you occupying Terry for so long with your incessant, silly chatting, he would have had time to see me!" she frothed.
"Does your husband know you were with Terry alone? Eh?" she continued with deliberate malice.
Candy turned to her side calmly and raised her eyebrows.
"Why, Elisa, it is nice to see you too. Sorry to see you so disappointed, but surely, there must be some formal event organised in honour of the visiting performers, so why don't you try to find out instead of lashing out at the poor assistant... rather rude, wouldn't you say..." she saw Albert waving at her in the crowd; she waved back and started to go down the stairs.
Elisa gave her a most poisonous look but didn't dare say anything more seeing Albert's cold stare in the distance.
Candy was relieved to be rejoined with her friends.
"Did that witch give you grief?" asked Annie concerned.
Candy grinned and winked at her "eh, no more than usual! But don't worry, I think I dealt with her fine!"
Albert took her by the waist and gave her cheek a kiss "hope you don't mind dear, but I have suggested we give Patty a lift, she will join us in the carriage, is that OK?"
"Of course Albert, you don't even need to ask, come then Patty, time to get home I guess. I must admit I am a bit tired" she tried to suppress a yawn.
(***)
They waved at her friend out of the window as she too was waving warmly at them.
"Goodnight Patty! Get in touch soon! Give our love to Tom!"
They rode some more in silence, Candy resting on Albert's shoulder. She stretched a bit to flex her swollen ankles and feet after all this time of sitting down in the theatre.
"Would you like to walk the rest of the distance, we're almost there" suggested Albert.
"Yes, that would be good. I could do with the fresh air and the exercise" replied Candy.
Albert asked the coachman to stop so that they could get off. Within minutes they were alone on the street, the carriage soon disappearing from sight.
"How quiet everything is" she said, listening to their feet echoing on the flagstones.
"This is the best time," he said, "when the people have gone in, and the ghosts come out."
"Ghosts?"
"Chicago is full of ghosts. They haunt the corners and the little alleyways in the twilight. But don't be afraid. They're friendly ghosts. In this city they have known love, and been happy, and now they cannot bear to leave it."
She became drunk with his words; the words of a charming dreamer. For now though, all she cared about was to stroll through these narrow alleys, letting him weave magic spells around her. There would be time for talk and common sense later.
After a while he fell silent, but the magic continued in the unearthly quiet of the city.
His arm was around her shoulders, drawing her close so that she was intimately aware of the warmth of his body. The stress of the evening fell away, and a blessed calm fell over her. Albert had asked her no questions about the time she spent alone with Terry. Her heart filled with tenderness, secretly thanking him for giving her the space that she badly needed.
"Let's go in through the back door" he suggested mischievously as they reached the house. "We can make something quick to eat in the kitchen, are you hungry?"
She looked at him with a conspiratorial grin on her face "yes, let's do it!"
He clasped her hand and motioned her to be quiet. They tiptoed carefully over the grass and into the gravel path to the side of the kitchen. The room was empty and they sneaked in quickly, with Candy trying to suppress nervous giggles.
"Shh..." Albert put his finger over his lips. "Let me close the door first."
The kitchen was pleasantly warm; Albert made sure Candy was sitting comfortably, then stoked the logs in the wood-stove to keep it going for a bit longer. He filled the kettle with water and placed it on the hot surface.
"Now, my dear" he said tying a large apron around his waist. He turned to her with an impish smile "let's talk food! What takes your fancy?"
She smiled back "hmm... something easy... don't want to inconvenience you, honey!"
Albert laughed "it takes a lot more than this to inconvenience me, my love!" and went on to prepare a couple of delicious sandwiches.
"Mmm," she said in-between mouthfuls, "even though you don't practise your cooking as much anymore, you still have quite some talent!"
"Well, merci madame!" said Albert pointing his nose up in the air and speaking in a mock French accent.
Candy gave him a light pinch on the shoulder, then her expression immediately changed again.
"Uff, I suddenly have a craving for oranges... do we have any?" she looked around the kitchen trying to locate the fruit basket.
"Cravings! A-ha! The body's way to indicate you need vitamins" said Albert knowingly as he peeled an orange for her.
Candy laughed "gosh, yes, that's true... I keep forgetting you know so much about medicine!"
She thought it was her idea, but it looked like Albert blushed a bit on hearing these words. He kind of mumbled a response...
"Well... ehm... I... Dr Martin..." he took a breath and with a sheepish look on his face revealed the truth "OK, I confess, I have been speaking to Dr Martin... a lot... I want to know as much as I can about... about the pregnancy so that I feel confident to... support you in the best way possible... my medical knowledge has of course its... ehm... limitations... and... so... well... I... that's all..."
Candy was visibly touched. She reached over and took his hands into hers.
"Aww Albert..." her eyes welled with tears. He got up immediately and gave her a hug.
"God, I am getting very emotional tonight, hormones or no hormones... come on, let's get up and do these dishes and then we can go and relax..."
(***)
"Albert" she whispered, "are you asleep?"
"Mmm?" He turned over and put his arm around her; "no, honey, I am still awake, why, are you not feeling OK?"
She switched on the light on her bedside cabinet then turned to face him again.
"No, I mean yes, I am fine, I am fine... I just wanted to thank you for tonight."
"But there is nothing to thank me about sweetheart" he pinched her nose gently; "it was my pleasure to cook for you. I used to love doing that when we lived in our flat; do you remember what fun times we used to have in the kitchen together?"
"Of course! How could I ever forget!" she smiled then turned serious again "well, tonight has been a walk down memory lane in many ways..."
"Candy, you don't have to discuss the meeting with Terry if you don't want to" he said softly.
She smiled "I know... and I am grateful for your understanding... but I want to tell you."
She slowly recited the dialogue with Terry. Albert listened carefully.
"And how do you feel about things now?" he asked.
"Hmm... I think we did the right thing to go the theatre. Not only because it was a great play but because I now know in my heart that Terry is really happy. He loves his life as an actor, so in a way I feel he's kept his promise too. And that somehow brought me peace and closure... isn't that strange? Isn't life strange?" she added pensively.
Albert propped himself up in bed and rested he head against the bed's headboard. He drew his legs towards his chest and put his arms around his knees. Candy thought he looked like some great philosopher, deep in thought.
"Great unanswered questions plague us, century after century. Why are we here? What are we supposed to be doing? What does this all matter? Answers to these questions are so very hard to come by because the truth lies not within someone else, but within ourselves. We have been given life, and with it we have been given the opportunity to define it. Our life's path and purpose are drawn on a map created by us. And Terry has found his purpose; his own unique way to give meaning to his life... his work is his passion, his means of expressing the flame he carries within..."
Candy sat silently and pondered her husband's wise words...
"... Albert... I never thought to ask you before, but since it was mentioned tonight... why did you send me that parcel from Rockstown? I was so excited to receive it... not to say relieved to have had a sign of life from you... but..." her eyes lit up at some peculiar suspicion "Albert... you too had seen that play... true?"
Albert sighed, remembering those past times.
"Candy... yes... I had seen that play. And Terry in that pitiful state... George and I were travelling on business and our train broke down in that small place. We had no other choice but to sit and wait for a day, so we decided to venture out into the town to pass the time..." he paused for a moment to reflect. "Yes, I saw Terry..."
Candy looked puzzled.
"But you didn't speak to him? I am sure he would have been pleased to see you."
Albert didn't agree.
"Do you think so? After starring in one of New York's most prestigious theatres and being hailed as the country's greatest new talent... to be seen by his friend in that dreadful low-class production... himself an intoxicated wreck, the audience booing and threatening to throw empty cheap drink bottles at him... no, Candy... I never felt it would have been appropriate for me to make my presence known. I think Terry suffered enough at the time to also have to endure the shame of been seen like this by someone he knew..."
"So why... why did you decide to send me there instead?" Candy's voice was emotional remembering those hard times.
Albert stretched his legs again and turned to face Candy. She looked so sweet, so incredibly pretty to him, her pregnancy curves giving her an additional glow of health and allure. He leaned over and kissed her forehead gently.
"I love you" he said simply. "And I know now that I loved you back then. Very verymuch. Even though there was no way I was going to admit it to myself... but I knew you loved Terry or had loved him in any case. And I knew he'd loved you too. The man walking that decrepit stage that night was a shadow of his former confident, talented self. A desperate man, a broken man..."
Candy held her breath empathising with her husband's sorrowful memories.
"So I thought – perhaps mistakenly – that if you two had the chance to see each other again, to talk... perhaps... I don't know... I thought I had to find a way to help him shake away the depression and misery that consumed him. I knew he was capable of so much more... and I also knew that if there was one person in the world who could help him... for sure that wasn't me... so this is why I sent you that parcel, Candy. I thought that it might motivate you to come look for me – and once again I am terribly sorry to have tricked you into this..." his voice broke down.
Candy held his hand.
"It's OK Albert... it really is OK. I guess I would have done the same if I were in your position, so there is no need to apologise. All I remember from that night was the shock of seeing Terry like this... we had made a promise to one another, a promise to keep going, to keep trying, to keep hoping and loving... and I felt he had let me down, he had let himself down..."
Albert brought her hand to his lips.
"I am ashamed to say that a part of me was afraid... afraid of losing you... I know it was an irrational fear... Terry had chosen to stay with Susanna of course and you had moved on, working hard and trying to rebuild your life... but all the same..."
"I felt the same despair again when I saw you coming to Annie's and Archie's engagement party... with Eirik by your side... jealousy... hmm... not an admirable sentiment, I admit, but one that can sometimes take over irrespective of how hard you fight it..."
Candy looked at him with deep admiration, for it was now dawning on her just how much her husband really loved her. So much that he was willing to risk losing her to someone else if only he could be sure she would be happy. Her eyes filled with tears.
"Albert... how can I ever thank you for loving me so unconditionally, so passionately and absolutely! With all my flaws and failings!" she hugged him with all her might. He hugged her back and held her tight.
Candy went on.
"All I remember from those times was just how worried I was not knowing where you were and how I could reach you. The flat seemed empty, desolate, my life was empty and meaningless without you... wherever I looked I could only see your face, whatever I did I kept thinking you would just walk through the front door smiling and teasing me as usual... my sleep was restless, filled with dreams of your generous laughter and the times we had spent together... all I wished for was to see you, talk to you and hide in your arms again when the world felt a harsh, unfriendly place. I missed you so terribly... everyday small things became an unbearable chore, previously happy, fun activities indifferent tasks... I can't even begin to tell you how I cried and cried longing for you to come back... I had never ever felt so low before in my entire life... it seems mad now that it took me so long to realise that my heart had always belonged to you... William Albert Ardlay, my Prince of the Hill... do you remember our wedding vows... I love you so much, I could tell you this a million times a day for an eternity without ever meaning it any less... My life belongs with you and no other. For there could never be anyone else..."
She took his hand and placed it on her belly "feel this? This kicking and movement is our child Albert, the fruit of our love and commitment to each other" she smiled at him.
"My God, I can feel it, yes!" said Albert ecstatic to feel his child's movements under his palm.
She shared the special moment with him, giving him her brightest smile.
"All I wish for is that our child inherits your beautiful smile, Candy! This smile of yours has been my shining beacon ever since I first met you, for it is warm and kind and beautiful and spreads happiness faster than wildfire!" he kissed her softly.
"Thank you my love. For tonight... and forever..." she laid her head on his shoulder.
They chatted for a while longer, joking, laughing and discussing their unborn child. Then, once more, they found rest in each other's arms in a pattern that would repeat itself blessedly for many years. Albert fell asleep almost immediately. Candy held his head on her chest for a while gently caressing his hair. Then, just before she too closed her eyes to sleep she whispered to herself,
"Terry... thank you for tonight. Thanks for being happy. Goodnight my friend and may all your dreams come true..."
(***)
A few miles away someone else was finally getting into bed in a stylish hotel room, after attending a formal gathering at the Mayor's house. He was tired, having spent most of the evening accosted by and signing autographs for dozens of infatuated admirers.
As he lay in his sheets, Terry's mind twirled round and round his meeting with Albert and Candy; "goodnight Freckles" he thought to himself, and for the first time in ages he felt his body slide into the blissful oblivion of sleep, free at last from the guilt and anguish of times past.
For he knew now that Candy was fine.