My mind was spinning. I just had no clue what to do. I had never felt like this before. It was kind of obvious I suddenly had strong feelings for Fred, but Seamus loved me. Sure, I had never said the little three words back, but he thought I really liked him. I did too.
The only way I could really describe this would be via my favourite thing: Literature.
The Perks of Being a Wallflower was Cher's favourite book. She said I would love it, so I read it. And although I liked it, there was something missing. It didn't really affect me that much, which was pretty surprising considering the plot.
Then, by accident, I read Peter Pan. Sure I had watched the movies, but I never actually read the book. I thought I understood the plot, but there was just so much more to it. It was lively, fun, adventurous. Suddenly, The Wallflower story seemed pretty dull in comparison.
So basically what I'm saying is - . Eugh, I've just confused myself even more.
Throughout the rest of the Afternoon, all I could do was compare the two. Seamus was really sweet and would never hurt my feelings. Fred just wouldn't care and say what he was thinking, even if it upset me. But it was all true though.
I also thought back to when Crabbe pushed me over and Seamus went all 'Big Man' on him. He just wanted to show he was tough and gain more affection.
But when I was found in the company of Death Eaters, twice, Fred came in and took me away. He didn't do anything stupid like try to take them on; his only priority was my safety.
Seamus thought he loved me. But in reality, he loved the thought of us two together. He craved my affection. He wasn't a bad guy, no. He was sweet and kind and lovely. He just wasn't the one for me. Wow, I am getting deep.
I had finally made my decision.
When Seamus left at Three, I told him to meet me at The House tomorrow. He looked a little worried, but complied.
As soon as he had left through the fireplace, I called Fred to one side.
"Sorry Alyssa, I'm busy," He said, not taking his eyes of Ginny and Bill's Exploding Snap game.
"It's kind of important. I need to give my feedback on that product you showed me earlier."
Fred quickly shot up and took me upstairs to his and George's room.
He sat on his bed and stared at me blankly.
"I think we need to talk," I said finally.
"About what?" he asked dumbly. I groaned loudly and stomped over to him. He put his head in his hands and looked down to the floor.
"What do you think?" There was along awkward pause. "I'm breaking up with Seamus tomorrow." His head snapped up. "I can't cheat on him. And I think you need to break up with Verity."
"What!" he jumped up and faced me properly. "You want me to just dump her. You suggested we go out."
I could see the pain and confusion in his face, and I knew that I had read his feeling wrong. I looked down sadly, but he needed to know how I felt.
"Well that was before I had feelings for you," I said quietly. A whole weight seemed to lift from my chest. "Yeah, I like you. There, I said it."
He looked down sadly. "How Long?"
"Just since this afternoon. And I know that you're going to say this is rash, but I know. I just do, ok; as corny as it sounds. I don't feel a fraction for Seamus for what I do you. And you can't say you don't feel anything either."
"Ally," he said sadly, putting his hands on my shoulders. "I am with Verity, you are a friend. You're too young."
"Only two years," I said defiantly. I was technically only a few months younger. However if we were going to get technical, I was actually only three. Sort of.
"Listen Al, I'm sorry. But it wouldn't work. I know you. You just like the whole idea of me and you: a forbidden love or whatever."
"Do you really think I'm that shallow?" I asked him angrily. "If you're going to turn me down, please come up with a better excuse than 'you're too young and stupid."
I gave him one last scathing look before stomping downstairs to the Kitchen where Sirius, Hagrid and Mr Weasley were getting drunk.
Around the room Hermione, Harry, Ginny, Ron, Tonks and Remus all held the same pained expression as I had. Without stopping, I grabbed a bottle of whiskey off the table and strolled over to the fireplace. I threw the floo powder into the fire before stepping in and going back home.
:-:
Empty, Alone, Worthless. That was how I felt when I woke up the next morning. I had drunk the entire bottle of whiskey in twenty minutes. I then moved on to Sirius wine and liquor collection in the pantry.
My heart-breaking feelings were amplified because of the hangover. I just wanted to crawl up in my bed and cry forever.
Tonks came in around noon to see what was going on, but I sent her away. It was mean and thoughtless, but I just needed to be alone.
I didn't really like people seeing me like this. I had built up this strong and perfect reputation and everyone, including Fred, seemed to think I was invincible. But after all the crap I had been through, I was even more delicate than everyone else.
Why the hell did I suggest Fred ask Verity out? If it wasn't for my stupid meddling, they wouldn't be together now, and I would be happy.
Well, I didn't really know that. From what I had learnt during my time here, it was that you don't know anything really. Just my presence here has changed many things. Every Action has a Reaction, and my reaction to Fred kissing me had completely exploded.
I suddenly sat up feeling very disgusted myself. My life had ended, for a boy? What was this Twilight or something? I was strong and independent. I didn't need Fred or any person to tell me that I was worthless. I tried to tell myself that I hated him for doing this to me but in reality, if he walked through the door right now I would throw myself into his arms.
I put on the old grey sweats and the tatty lumberjack shirt before going downstairs. Tonks was sitting on the porch watching the hard rain pour down and wash the snow away. I was happy it was raining, it reflected my hard mood. The pounding on the awning filled my head and cleared my mind slightly.
"Hi," I said softly. She looked up to me and smiled slightly. I could see from her puffy eyes that she had been crying.
"What's wrong?" I asked, kneeling down beside her. She sniffed loudly.
"Remus is moving out," she chocked. "It's my fault. When we got back last night I had too much to drink and I told him how I felt again. He said it was no good him being here, so he's going on a mission for Dumbledore with W-werewolves."
I put my arm around her as she began to sobs.
"It will be ok," I told her softly.
"You don't know that," she sniffed.
"I assure you, your story has a happy ending," Sort of, I added in my head.
She sighed sadly. "What happened with you anyway?"
I didn't really want to tell her; it was kind of embarrassing and private. But if anyone knew what I was going through, it would be Tonks.
"Fred and I kissed. And then I realised that I really liked him, but he only sees me as his little sisters friend."
"Oh Ally, here I'm am wittering on, I'm so sorry." Tonks put her arm around me.
"No, you're problems are more serious. Mines probably just a teenage crush."
"I you can't say that. We're both hurting." She sat thoughtfully for a few moments. "What are you going to do about Seamus?"
I sighed angrily and put my head in my hands. "I don't know!" I mumbled. "The original plan was to break up with him but now... I supposed I still have to, it's not right to lead him in."
Tonks gasped in shocked. "You're responsible, doing the right thing. Are you sure you're Ally?"
I smiled slightly. "I suppose it's because I don't really want to be 'My little sister's friends'. I want to prove that I'm not, even though it won't help at all."
"You don't know that. Your story will have a happy ending," she said, quoting me from earlier.
"I highly doubt that," i muttered. I sighed sadly before standing up.
"Wait," Tonks called, stopping me from going inside. "I wouldn't give Sirius the full details; he'll probably try to beat Fred up."
I laughed. "I would love to see that." it felt foreign, but good, to laugh again.
I went back inside and found Remus rushing around, grabbing various things and putting them into a bag.
"You're really leaving?" he jumped up, as I spoke, not realising I was there.
"Yes, I have a secret mission for Dumbledore," he said quietly.
"It's waste of time. They're all too loyal and scared of Greyback to leave him. No offense, but you're not the beefiest of guys."
"How did you know it was with Greyback?" he asked.
"I always know. Please, just think about staying, think of Tonks."
"I take it she told you then?" he asked rhetorically. He began to take some things out of his bag and for a second I thought he was going to stay, but he was just lightening the load.
"Listen, I know why you don't want to be with her. You say you're too poor; but you have a rich best friend and she has a job. You say you're too old; but when has age really ever mattered. And you say you don't want to hurt her; but look at what you're doing right now."
I pointed to the window where Tonks was sitting looking sadly out into the rain. She had her back to us, but we could tell from her mousey hair that she was unhappy.
Remus looked at me incredibly, completely shocked that I knew his feelings. After a long while he sighed.
"I am going on this mission, but I will think about it."
I hugged him around the middle. "That's all I ask. I expect you to do some serious soul searching while you're away."
He rolled his eyes. I felt good to be fixing their problems. It made me feel a smidge bit better about myself.
He closed his bag and looked at me sadly. "I have to go."
"Well, good luck and keep safe."
He hugged me again before going outside.
As soon as he left, I ran over to the window to see what was going on.
I decided against listening in. If anyone had eavesdropped on mine and Fred's conversation I would have been mortified. And after doing it quite frequently, a certain Red head had convinced me it was wrong.
"What are you doing?" Harry asked, coming up behind me. I gasped in shock, not expecting him to be there.
"Spying," I answered simply. I don't think they would mind if I was watching. And it would be very entertaining if Tonks threw a punch at him or something.
I didn't expect the two to start kissing though.
"What?" Harry whispered loudly. "How long have they - you know?"
"I'll fill you in later," I whispered, watching them intently. I felt like a complete creeper, but I needed to know what was going on with those two.
Remus suddenly pulled away and held her face in his hands.
I was an excellent lip reader and I didn't need super hearing to know what he was saying.
"Goodbye Nymphadora."
He gave her one last longing look before taking his small back and dissaparating down the lane.
:-:
At Six O'clock I sat on my tire swing near the front drive. It was just beginning to get dark but a beautiful orange haze seemed to fall over the sky; unusual for December.
At five past, Seamus suddenly apparated down the lane and began to walk up to me slowly. I made no move to stand and greet him. He knew what was going on. I could tell by his sad expression.
He came to a stop in front of me and stared. I stared back.
"I'm sorry," I said quietly, tears suddenly springing into my eyes. "I'm so sorry."
"Ally, whatever you did, its ok. That whole unforgivable curse thing, I don't mind. And if you don't love me back yet, that doesn't really matter. And if I've done something to upset you -"
"No please stop," I said desperately. "This isn't you, it's me. I know it's the oldest one in the book, but trust me; it's nothing you've done. You're so kind, and caring and sweet and you give me this unconditional love that I really don't deserve."
He knelt down beside me and wiped a tear away.
"There's someone else isn't there?" I looked down, unable to look him in the eye. "Fred?"
My head suddenly shot up, I stared at him with questioning eyes. "Trust me Ally, if this is anyone's fault it's mine. I've known for a long time."
"How, it was only yesterday..." I trailed off.
"I could see it coming. The way he looks at you, the way you look at him. Your eyes up when you see him and you laugh and smiled more with him than anyone else. You've loved him for a long while."
Did i love him? I did. I loved Fred. I began to sob. I never cried, but now I couldn't control myself.
"He doesn't love me back though," I said quietly, as though it would make the whole ordeal better.
"He does. I could see when he told me you kissed Harry last year. Anyone could see he was really jealous."
I gasped. "You knew about that?" he nodded solemnly. "Oh, I'm just the worst girlfriend ever."
He smiled slightly. "No you're not. And despite it all, I still love you Ally."
I flung my arms around his neck and began to sob into his chest.
"I love you too Seamus."
And it was the truth, I really did. It wasn't in the same way as he loved me, but I still loved him dearly. And it took me until our break up to say it.
We stayed in each other's arms for a long while before he pulled back and made to leave.
"Please stay, just a little while longer," I said selfishly. I don't know why, I just wanted him there.
He nodded and then stood behind me, pushing the swing lightly.
But he progressively gained force and soon I was flying upwards. Neither of us said a word, but in the words of Gwen Stefani, I know we're cool.
:-:
I didn't see Fred for the rest of the holiday. In fact, I never saw anyone apart from Sirius, Tonks and Harry. I faked an illness and got Tonks to help me with the lie.
I stayed in my pyjamas all day until I had a shower at night and then put new ones on.
When everyone else went to The Burrow for new year's, I stayed at home and watched Friends on my new TV getting shamelessly drunk.
"Ally, this isn't healthy," Tonks said, coming in at 1am.
"I'm fine," I said a little too loudly. "Really, really, really fine. I'm just like Rachel, but my names Ally."
She rolled her eyes and sat down beside me. "I don't think the solution to your problems is locking yourself away and getting drunk. I know I'm not much of a role model on this topic, but you can't just give up. You need to show him what he's missing."
"Who Fred?" I giggled. "I think I love him. He is so funny, and hot," I said dreamily. I reached for my bottle of Firewhisky but Tonks took it away from me.
"He was at the party with Verity."
"I hate her," I added. She ignored me.
"Verity wasn't sitting at home feeling sorry for herself. You need to pull yourself together and show him what he's missing."
"You're right!" I said, standing up and walking over to the fireplace. "I'm going to The Burrow." Tonks jumped up and grabbed my arm. "No, I want to see Fred!"
She sighed and pulled out her wand and pointed it at me.
"I'm sorry Ally. Stupefy"
I was thrown backwards and stunned, but it did the trick and I sobered up slightly.
"What the hell?" I asked, standing up. "What was that?"
"It was me showing you how stupid you're being." She motioned around to my new year's pity party.
I sunk down on the sofa.
"Oh God, I'm pathetic;" I muttered sinking in my hands.
"Then show him what he's missing," she said, sitting down and putting her arm around me.
"I can't. In any other case, I'd put on my tiny skirt and parade around in front of him cracking flirty jokes and being tough. But I can't do that with Fred. I just don't know what to do; maybe I should just respect his decision and move on."
"Do you want to do that?"
I smiled slightly. "No, I've kind of had a rubbish life, and I never feel happier than when I'm with Fred. I mean listen to what I'm saying, I've turned into a complete girl! He did that to me."
She laughed slightly and then sighed.
"Any word of Remus?" I asked. She shook her head sadly.
"No, just a letter to Dumbledore to say he was there a few days ago. I hope he's - "
Green flames appeared in the fireplace as Harry and Sirius stepped out.
Sirius swayed to one side before steading himself on Harry and smiling triumphantly. I noticed that Harry was thankfully still sober.
"Eh Ally!" Sirius called happily. "Happy New Year!"
"Happy New year to you too Sirius. And Harry," I added. He smiled.
"You too. how are you feeling?"
"A lot better thanks."
Harry and Sirius, being the complete guys they were, had no idea that I wasn't really Ill. Tonks explained that it was 'woman pains' which scared them off the topic completely.
"I'm going - to bed," Sirius slurred slowly. "Happy New Year!" he shouted loudly, before stomping upstairs. I stared at Harry and Tonks with wide eyes before laughing loudly.
:-:
The next morning I decided to be a Good citizen and help out a very hung-over Sirius.
I fixed him some coffee and orange juice with breakfast and took them up to his room with a hangover potion.
I placed the tray on his bedside table before running over to the windows and flinging the curtains opened.
"Ahh," he cried shielding his eyes. "It's too bright."
"I don't care," I said skipping over and knee diving on to his bed. "I made you breakfast."
"Thanks, but I'm not hungry." He rolled over and pulled the quilt over his face. I yanked it back.
"Get up, it's 12. It's the last day of the holidays."
He groaned loudly but sat up. "I think I preferred sick and boring Ally."
"Well, she's gone and has been replaced with recovery Ally," I said handing him the orange juice.
He ate in a thoughtful silence and barely said two words. He just stared the far wall as he chewed, deep in thought.
"What's wrong?" I asked finally. It wasn't like Sirius to think about stuff.
"Nothing," he said quickly, his voice going high slightly.
"Come on, please tell me," I begged.
He looked around the room as though there were loads of nosey people in there. Unsurprisingly, there was just me. He sighed.
"Ok, promise you won't tell anyone." I held up my pinkie finger. "Especially Fred, I know you two are good friends." I just about manage to hide the blush that crept onto my face. I nodded for him to continue.
"Ok, so do you know Verity -"
"No," I said plainly.
"Do you want to know the story or not? Ok, so we were really drunk and she kind of came on to me and I kissed her. It was just for a minute though, or two, I think."
I gapped at him. "Oh my god," I laughed. This was perfect. I could now tell Fred, he would dump Verity, and we would live happily ever after above the joke shop.
"Remember you can't say anything. You pinkie sweared," Sirius warned.
Rats! That was my one ticket to Fred. Oh well, he probably would think I was making it up anyway. I just needed a plan now to catch her in the act.
I left Sirius a few minutes later and went to pack. Which, roughly translated, meant sitting in front of the TV and eating chips.
But it was the same episode of Friends that was on last night. I looked around the room and caught sight of the picture of Harry, Sirius and I. It was taken last Christmas and we were all really happy. Things were really different now.
"Hey Tonks," i called. She was sitting across from me. "Could you make me a brunette again?"
"I thought you didn't trust me," she grinned.
"Desperate times," I trailed off. She nudged me hard but took out her wand and tapped me on the head.
"Can I you make it longer like before please." she joking rolled her eyes but complied. I smiled happily in the mirror at my feeble attempt to make things normal. But they would never be the same.
:-:
We wouldn't be going to Kings Cross the next day. It wasn't safe so a few selected houses were connected to the Hogwarts floo network. And guess which house we would use... The Burrow. Fate hated me.
However Tonks had assured me before she went to work that the twins would be at the shop, so imagine how surprised and annoyed I was when Sirius dropped us off and Fred was there.
He was leaning up against the kitchen counter with a cup of tea talking Verity. He rather hadn't noticed I was there, or refused to look at me. I think it was the latter as his eyes did not move from Verity since I arrived.
"Sickening, isn't it?" George said conversationally, misinterpreting Fred's look.
"Extremely. Please hold my hair when I'm sick," I said, dulling.
"It's back to normal, it looks good."
"Thanks," I grinned before turning my attention back to the grand whore. Trying it on with your boyfriends friend who is a lot older than you; how slutty can you get?
I don't know, Maybe almost having sex in a barn with someone was wasn't your boyfriend. I ignored it the stupid voice in my head and continued to glare at Fred and Verity.
They were doing the cheesy chat up lines that Seamus and I used to do. Well, Fred was. The mindless idiot was just standing there and giggling.
"Did it hurt?" I asked sweetly, joining in. The two turned to stare at me; Fred had a panicked look on his face. "Did it hurt?" I said again. "When you fell from H-"
"Heaven? Oh, you're such a little sweetie," Verity said, patronisingly.
"No, the whore tree. You banged every guy when you fell down."
Mrs Weasley, who had just taken a sip of tea, spat it all over the table. She stared at me completely flabbergasted. As did Harry and Verity. Fred and Sirius looked furious, but George was struggling to breathe as he was laughing so hard. He began to cough and hold on to the chair, gasping for breath.
"Ally," Fred said sternly. He sounded mad. Oh well, at least he was acknowledging me now.
I shrugged. "What. She's the community broomstick, everyone -"
Sirius put him hand over my mouth and pulled me into the living room.
"What the hell was that?" he whisper shouted, slamming the door.
"What it was a joke," I smiled meekly.
"No, you said you wouldn't tell anyone!"
"I didn't."
"Well, what's Fred going to think now? He's going to start asking questions," Sirius whined. He sat down on the couch and gave me a very parental look.
"Trust me, he has his reasons not too," I said quietly. "What are you being all parental anyway?"
"Because someone has to have some responsibility. You can't just go around insulting people, getting drunk and not actually doing anything."
I looked down sadly. "I'm sorry."
"Wait, you're admitting I'm right?" he asked sceptically. "What's going on?"
"It's nothing." He noticed I was sad, but didn't press for answers. Instead he came over and gave me a hug. He stared at my casual clothes and hair and smiled.
"So, which Ally are you today?" he asked.
"Just me. No jokes, no gimmicks."
"I like her the best. I think she's pretty cool."
This chapter is a little bit disjointed, but it lets say it reflects Ally's feelings. (oh yes, I'm deep.)
I just want to thank everyone, the response for the last chapter was amazing. Thanks to all the reviewers: TheDoctorRowanaRisska, PossimpiblyPossimpible, Void-san, Sensula, FredAndGeorge'sAwesomeness, lenie954, 2featherbraids, xXxFredWeasleyForeverxXx, Fruityloops156, SethEchelon, Georgie Monsoon (X3) and Writer. Of. The. Gods.
Thanks so much for reading, let me know what you think.