Disclaimer: Castle belongs to ABC (America) and Andrew Marlowe. No money is being made from this work and no money or credit will ever be sought regardless of any similarity to future plot-lines. But, you know, if you're a fanfic writer, don't plagiarise me. Please. 'Cause then I'll be sad. Plus I have over three hundred followers. At least one of them will report you. Well, maybe not now. But I will. I read a lot of fanfic. Beware!

A/N: April Fools!

Upload Date: 02.04.13

Chapter Rating: T

Chapter Summary: Castle comes to terms with the events of Chapter 42, and where he really stands with Beckett.

#74.5

No, this couldn't be happening.

Castle looked on as Josh and Beckett boarded his motorbike, which was parked in the hallway, and rode off into the sunset.

"You shouldn't be so surprised, Rick."

He turned around and was utterly astonished at who was standing behind him.

"Kyra?"

"Hey, Rick," she smiled. "I'm sorry, but you should have expected it. Do you really think you can make it last with any woman? Why do you think I left you?"

"Hell, why do you think I left you?" a voice coming from the stairs chimed in.

"Meredith?!"

"Hey kitten," Meredith winked as she descended the stairs. "Oh, don't look so sad, Ricky, it's not your fault; it really isn't. You're just not good enough for her. For any of us. I mean, you're not bad for the short-term, but sooner or later, we all find someone better."

"What are you doing in my home?"

"Just trying to make you understand, Rick," Kyra said kindly. "Did you really think a guy like you deserved a girl like Kate?"

Castle didn't know what to say. Everything was all wrong and he couldn't figure out a story that would make this scenario make sense.
"She loves me," he said finally, desperately clinging to that shred of hope rooted in his heart where he knew it to be true. "I make her happy."

"Obviously not happy enough," Meredith reasoned.

"I don't know what's going on with her. She's probably just scared; freaking out about me. She'll come to her senses and return to me."

"Like I did?"

He turned around to find Gina at the doorway.

"I should have learned from the first time. Kate's too smart to go there again."

"I don't have to listen to this," he said, pushing past her and running down the hall. "Kate! Kate! "

"Castle?"

With a jolt, he was in his bed, the lamp was on and soft hands were gently nudging his shoulders.

"Hey, Castle," Beckett's voice soothed. "Shh, it was just a dream. Come back to me. It's ok, Rick."

"Don't call me that!" an angry voice roused him from his half-sleeping state.

Seeing Beckett's stunned face made him realise it had been his own voice; a reflex action; a result of the residual angst from the dream.

His face softened and he let out a sigh of relief as he reached up to stroke her hair. Thank God it wasn't real.

"Kate - " His voice was dry. He swallowed, wiping his sweaty forehead with his arm. "I'm sorry; I'm - I was... out of it; I didn't mean - "

She shook her head.

"It's ok. Are you alright?"

He opened his mouth to answer but found he was lost for words as he looked into her eyes, full of compassion and love. This was his Kate Beckett. The dream had been a mere figment, a shadow of the woman he loved born from his own fears and insecurities. She didn't hold a candle to the real thing.

"Did you dream about the shooting or the kidnapping again?"

He sometimes had nightmares where he relived the moments in his life that he'd thought he had lost two of the people he loved most in the world. God, those dreams had been even worse than this one, and this one was pretty horendous.

"No, no, I..." he trailed off.

"What is it?"

He shrugged.
"It's not important. Just a dream."

"Well, Castle, if you're dreaming about it, then clearly it's bothering you; which means it is important."

Castle stared into her caring eyes again, still full of warmth and concern, and sighed.
"I dreamt you left me for Josh.'

She narrowed her eyebrows and lay back down next to him.

"My ex-boyfriend, Josh? "

He nodded gravely.

"Uh... wow, I haven't thought about him in a while." She looked up at him, squeezing his hand in comfort. "Castle, you... know it was just a dream, right?"

"Yeah, I know. It's just..."

"Just what?"

He looked away but she followed his gaze.

"Hey," she said, catching his eye. "Talk to me."

"You sure you never think about him?"

"Who, Josh? Yeah, I'm sure. Why? Do you?"

"Sometimes," he admitted. "You ever think about how different your life would be if you'd stayed with him?"

She stared at him before answering.
"No," she said frankly. "I've never had a reason. I don't regret my relationship with him but I don't regret ending it either. I've moved on and I assume he has, too."

"So, if he were to walk through that door tomorrow - ?"

Beckett snorted.
"'Wow, Josh, I thought you were in the Amazon!"

"You wouldn't be tempted...?"

Beckett rolled her eyes.
"Ok, I know you're tired and you just had a nightmare, but seriously... I'm with you."

"Well, you were with him for eight months. There had to have been a reason."

"Sure; he's handsome, smart, successful, generous..."

"I get the picture."

"But I wasn't in love with him."

An awkward pause followed as her words seem to fill the empty space of the room. Castle hadn't missed the emphasis on the word him.

"Get some sleep Castle," Beckett said finally.

"Wait."

"What is it?"

"Do you ever feel like you're putting more into this relationship than you're getting in return?"

She stared at him.
"Castle - "

"Just be honest. Please."

She nodded slowly.
"Ok. Not... don't get me wrong, Castle, most of the time,it feels like the opposite; you give me so much, Castle you really do. It's amazing - you're amazing - but... there are times I feel like you're still holding back."

"Well... maybe I am," he admitted. "A little. I don't mean to, but I think at the back of my mind I'm still waiting for the penny to drop; for you to realise that you can do better."

"Do better? Castle, I'm not exactly perfect - nobody is; not even Josh. Everyone has baggage."

"Really? What's Motorcycle Boy's baggage?"

"He originally wanted to be a paediatric surgeon but he had to switch specialities because kids hate him."

"Really?"

"No. The point is, you may have your flaws, Castle, but I can't possibly do better than The One."

He stared at her.
"I'm The One?"

She simply nodded.

"You believe in that stuff? That we all have one person we're destined to be with?"

"I don't know about destiny but I believe my Mom was the one for my Dad and vice versa. I believe two people can find each other and just fit; but I also believe that it's rare. I believe that I found it."

"I believe I found it, too - and I'm terrified of losing it. I do this thing where I try to keep things light; laugh off the serious stuff because I don't want to screw this up. It's too important - but that's what I do; I always screw things up and I can't lose you, Kate. I love you too much."

"Well, you're not the only one with something to lose here."

She sat up, looking him straight in the eyes, a frank, sincere and open expression on her face.
"I love you just as much, you adorable, foolish -" she started to smile.

He couldn't help returning it.

"- amazing man. I'm just as scared as you are; but you know what I realised? It's ok to be scared. It's ok to be insecure as long as you don't let your fears and insecurities hold you back from what makes you happy. You make me happy."

"You make me happy, too - especially fifteen seconds ago when you told me you loved me for the first time."

"See, there's another thing I was scared of. Telling you how I really feel. But I did it."

"Yes, you did."

"And if you want to stay with me forever, Castle, you can do that, too."

It was too much. He thought his heart would burst at the fullness of it; that Beckett wasn't just talking about a future, she was talking about forever, with him. She wanted what he wanted. He wasn't a fool for planning a future for them - he was for other reasons but not for that. They had a future, a future she believed in.
"Look at you, all optimistic."

"Yeah, I wonder where I picked that up from."

He smiled.
"Thank you." He made to turn off the light

"Wait."

"What?"

"We could go to sleep; or we could..." she bit her lip as she climbed on top of him.

"We could...?" Castle enquired as he reached under her top to run his hands up and down her back.

"Mm, do stuff," she muttered against his lips as she leaned down to kiss him.

"Mm, stuff," he muttered back between kisses.

"Mmh-mm," she agreed as he lifted her top over her head. "Stuff and things."

"Oh, I like things," he growled as he ran her fingers through her hair.

"Mm, me, too," she said as she threw her top onto the floor. "We have so much in common."

"Hmmm... we should be a couple."

Hey! How are you feeling? I have been planning this for a long time. Since last year. I did it because I thought it would be funny...

And I was right! Oh, God, I'm still laughing. I loved your reviews so much. I've never had so many for one chapter in such a short amount of time for How Many Ways to Say I Love You. So many people who don't often review or who never review at all stepped out of the woodwork to let me know how they felt and it was great. I was surprised at how mature certain people were about it. I wouldn't be so understanding.

I was actually kind of disappointed by the lack of death threats but I still got a couple and some of the comments were even better than death threats.

I'm glad to know that if I ever lose my mind and start doing to Beckett what other writers do - that thing I hate where she's not even herself and treats Castle badly without even and explanation - enough of you will have my back and call me on it. That's actually very reassuring. Kudos to those who figured it out, especially Soprano009 who asked me if it was a dream or a joke. Obviously it's both. Soprano didn't find it very funny, but the thing about April Fool's Day is that it's the one day of the year that you can get away with having a laugh at other people's expense. Any other day and you're a tool. So, it doesn't really matter if you saw the humour or not. The point was, I found it piss funny. Mission accomplished.

I loved the Guest Reviewer who I unfortunately cannot credit, because it was brilliant, who made fun of my rant on my profile - which is 100% real, by the way. I genuinely was upset about that when it happened but it had nothing to do with this. Another thing I was telling the truth about was the broken-heart part. See, as I said, I'd already planned to trick you. I wrote both parts as one big story and split it up at the appropriate part a month later when it came time to upload it. Towards the end of the first part - halfway through the process - I found out someone I had very strong feelings for is gay. I'm (mostly) over it now but those feelings of shock and heartbreak influenced the paragraph where it sinks in for Castle and he starts second-guessing their entire relationship. Originally, that was just one short sentence.

Count yourselves lucky I didn't mark it as complete like I was originally intending. I thought that might be going a little too far with it.

Now, if you had been paying attention you would have picked up on the clues. They were subtle but they were there. If you'll recall, back in "Goat", I said that I had written something that would turn out to be a dream but hadn't uploaded it yet because the timing wasn't right. Then, in the Author's Notes for Chapter 42, I italicised the part where I wrote, "the timing just felt right". Even more subtly - though I'm surprised no one picked this up - was when Beckett starts out with her hair up but then later her hair is down. I thought if I used stronger hints it would be too obvious.

On that note, it's time for my hiatus. I'm not planning to upload new chapters for How Many Ways to Say I Love You for a month or two while I concentrate on other projects - but I do have a birthday this month so there might be a birthday special; I'm not sure - which reminds me: Happy Birthday, Castle!

I'll be back, though. Reminder: I'm staying spoiler free.

I'm still blown away over the fact that this many people actually care about my writing; but in the mean-time the twelfth precinct is running a fanfiction AWARDS THINGY where you can vote for your favourite fics. No, none of my stories are nominated but plenty of great fics are and so you just need to register; they provide links so you can go check the fics out!

Sorry for any angst or frustration I might have caused. Forgive me?