There's something that I probably should have mentioned earlier. The main reason I haven't said anything prior to this…incident, is because there really was no good way to bring up the topic in our conversation.
My body, despite looking perfectly healthy on the outside, is in fact the victim of a rather nasty disease. You don't need to know much more than that; only that it's the kind of malady that can only get worse if you do nothing or stays the same if you take a lot of medicines. I, not wanting to die (yet) opted to take plenty of medication in order to subdue the illness.
But modern medicine can only do so much to slow the ravages of a sickness like mine. Eventually the doses of medicine have to be upped, or I have to switch to a new prescription altogether. And if I don't, the disease manifests itself in rather unpleasant ways. Such as coughing up blood on my partner.
At the time, I wasn't too concerned about the issue. Whenever something like this happened, I simply went to Kakuzu, explained my problem, and either received additional medication or an entirely new kind of drug to handle the malady. This time was slightly different, though. You see, now Kisame was with me.
The two of us walked down the hall in complete silence; something to which I was rather accustomed. Yet on that particular day, it was an uncomfortable sort of quiet; the kind of dead silence you experience only when you've done something terribly wrong and your parents or teachers or someone of equal authority has found out, and you are waiting in nervous agony for them to start speaking to you about it. That kind of noiselessness.
Kisame did in fact break the silence, and his words made me feel as though I were indeed a child. "You never told me about this."
Of course I never mentioned it to him. Not only was it something that couldn't be brought up in day-to-day conversations, but my disease was something that I truly wanted to hide from Kisame. As if going blind weren't bad enough…well, what kind of reaction could be expected from Kisame?
To a shinobi, any and all forms of weakness are a hindrance to our success and survival. All flaws and weak points must be dealt with swiftly; else wise, the cause of the Achilles' heel should be disposed of immediately.
The way I looked at it, my flaws were becoming more and more apparent each day. I was excellent at fire jutsu, but those techniques have their limits. My Sharingan was definitely my strong point, but it was slowly blinding me. Finally, my body was being riddled by a disease that possessed no cure. Had I been living in Konoha under these conditions, the medical ninja probably would have had me discharged and sent to live out the rest of my days in a hospital wing for the terminally ill.
As it stands, my life in Konoha was far behind, and now I was at the mercy of the Akatsuki. If you can call such people merciful.
That was why faults in my armor were guarded so carefully. Pein and Kakuzu knew of my disease, but the others were completely clueless. No one but Kisame had learned of my blindness, and I was determined to keep it that way. Around here if you can't be useful, you're dead weight. And if you become dead weight, you're only a step away from being dead.
My logic seemed foolproof, so I had no problem looking to Kisame and telling him simply, "There was no need to mention my disease." He didn't reply to my statement, and didn't say a word as I walked into Kakuzu's room and informed the banker/medic that I required a higher dosage of my drugs than what he currently gave me.
The shark didn't make a sound as we traveled back down the hall, nor when we entered the room. It wasn't until he saw me take a few of the pills and then put the rest into my dresser drawer that he spoke again, merely repeating his earlier statement. I gave him the same answer as I had earlier, hoping he'd let the matter drop.
Only he didn't. Instead, he grabbed me and bodily slammed me into the drywall that separated our chambers from Sasori and Deidara's room. "You didn't think I needed to know?" he snapped. "You didn't think your own partner ought to know if there's something wrong with you?! Something that could jeopardize our safety in battle?! Tch, and they call you a genius…"
I don't know why I did it. Logically, I should have controlled myself and told him to let me go, it was none of his business, ect. But what actually happened was that I balled my hand into a fist and punched Kisame square in the jaw.
He was shocked at my actions, as was I. For all of two seconds. Then he punched me right back.
Something snapped then, and for the next few minutes the two of us were in our first ever fistfight, grappling with one another until Kisame had finally pinned me under him on the floor. My hands were held above my head, and he was straddling me to keep me on the ground. Both of us were panting, and still fairly mad at the other. We glared at each other as our breathing slowed, and another uncomfortable stillness filled the room. "Why?"
If there is one question that I hate more than any other, it is the question 'why'. It's possibly the shortest and stupidest thing you can ever inquire of someone, yet I can guarantee you beyond a shadow of a doubt that you'll be asked this question no less than a dozen times in your life. The best retort is the one I gave Kisame in that moment. "Why what?"
"Why didn't you tell me?! I get why you wouldn't have brought this up years ago" (even he can think logically at times, you know) "but now…Itachi, why couldn't you trust me now?"
I wanted to snap at him and tell him that this wasn't a trust issue; it was a question of my survival. Yet as I turned the situation over in my head again and again, it was starting to seem like a trust issue. My earlier argument about this not coming up in conversation didn't seem like something that would hold water now, and I needed to think up an answer and fast. After all, I still had a giant shark sitting on top of me waiting for his explanation.
But I never had to give it. Kisame finally let out a sigh and climbed off of me. "Forget it. You're as impossible as always."
I didn't like hearing those words from my partner. In fact, I hated it. Kisame had definitely said rude things about me before, but usually behind my back to the other members or when he was drunk off his rocker. Even during the times when I had been insulted directly, Kisame said it with a smile and in such a light way that I knew he wasn't trying to make a dig at me. Something like, "Quiet as ever, aren't you?" or "Slow down, the dango's not going anywhere, Itachi." But this…
Once upon a time, Kisame's words would have bothered me for a passing moment, and nothing more. Now, however, they burned more than I thought was feasible. I didn't want him to think of me as impossible.
When he tried to leave our position on the floor, I decided that even if I couldn't change where he was mentally, I could physically keep him in the same position. Before I could think better of it, I'd wrapped myself around Kisame's arm and dragged him back down to the floor.
My partner looked surprised at the movement, to say the least. I didn't do things on impulse, and I most certainly did not touch Kisame without being touched by him first. He raised a brow as he looked down at me, waiting for an answer.
I think that was what finally did it; having him look down at me. I felt small and vulnerable, my mind scrambling to find the right answers to the multiple questions now going through his head. The worst part was knowing that if I didn't provide him with a good answer then, everything would be ruined. Not the plan; the 'us' that had been formed. "I'm sorry."
Those two words are the worst thing you can ever say to someone. Not only is it a sign of weakness, it also shows that you can't think of anything better to say and you're hoping that the other person is going to forgive you for your stupidity. "Really, I'm sorry." So why did I keep saying it then? Simple. Because I honestly was sorry for hurting him, and was too busying crying to think up something better to say.
Yes, crying. I, Itachi Uchiha, was crying into my partner's arm as I cursed my disease, my Sharingan, my stubborn nature, and above all, the damnable shark that had stolen my heart without even trying.
Although I can't speak for Kisame, I can say with some level of certainty that of all the reactions to get from me, he wasn't expecting tears. I could feel him panic beneath my fingertips; not just be aware of his pulse increasing or hearing the stuttered "Ums," that left his mouth then, but actually sense the uneasiness radiating off my partner's body.
He finally came to his senses (somewhat) and grabbed his discarded shirt from earlier to dry the tears falling from my left eye, seeing as my right eye was more than happy to use Kisame's arm as a tissue.
It took me a little while to calm down after that, and I wasn't surprised in the least to discover that my ease had been brought about with the help of Kisame playing with my hair. After he was certain that I wasn't going to break down again, he looked at me and asked the second-dumbest question mankind has ever spoken. "Are you ok?"
I was tempted to snap at him. Tempted beyond reason to tell him that yes, I was fine, and then crawl into bed and go to sleep and pretend that none of this had ever happened. Instead, I actually took a moment to ponder his inquiry. The correct answer was no. No, I was not ok, I hadn't been ok for a while, and our fight really hadn't done anything to help the problem.
This admittance shattered something inside of me into tiny pieces, never to be reassembled again. It was a strange feeling. First I was completely numb; and then, I felt better. And after that…I won't say exactly what I felt. Only that I practically launched myself into Kisame's lap and began kissing him with a ferocity that up until then didn't think was possible from me.
To this day, I don't know why Kisame didn't push me off then and call for help from the others. Any sensible person would have assumed that I'd gone crazy, since the only other explanation for rapid mood swings like that is PMS.
Keep your mouth shut on that issue if you know what's good for you.
I'm left to think that Kisame was just so shocked by my actions that he gave up trying to make sense of them and simply went with it. But a small part of me thinks that maybe, just maybe, he understood that something was wrong with me, and I needed him to fix it.
Our hands got friendlier than they'd ever been before, and for the longest time I didn't think we were going to break our kiss for hell or high water. I don't know if he made the first move or I did, but at some point our fingers were fumbling with each other's pants, trying to get free of the clothing's confines. Forget common sense, forget the plan, forget everything! For once I was going to live in the moment and enjoy it.
Somehow Kisame had the good sense to pick me up and lay me on the bed as our final articles of clothing came off. While I was writhing on the bed and his hands were touching me in places that will remain off the record, his mouth moved and bit down on a very sensitive spot on my neck. I didn't think twice about moaning his name and burying my fingers in his hair.
He kissed his way up my neck, then my jaw, and finally stopped to nibble on my ear before whispering a single word to me. "Itachi."
Never has the sound of my own name made me so happy.