Disclaimer: Castle belongs to ABC (America) and Andrew Marlowe. No money is being made from this work and no money or credit will ever be sought regardless of any similarity to future plot-lines.
A/N: So, sorry, no birthday fic. My birthday was a few days ago (the 22nd here, the 21st stateside). I had just gotten back from a wonderful camp working with some truly inspirational kids and then when I got home my sister decided to introduce me to tequila shots...
Hey, any excuse to eat salt and suck on a lemon is ok with me.
Anyway, I'm uploading this now because this site is scaring me with how often I haven't been able to access it lately.
Just a friendly reminder: Keep reviews spoiler free. I'm way behind the US right now.
#75 heavily inspired by synopses from Richard Castle's website.
Upload Date: 26 April, 2013
Chapter Rating: M for skin on skin naughty touching but nothing explicit.
Chapter Summary: More little written confessions of the heart from Beckett.
#75
Beck's Notes
#76
Pros and Cons
#75
Castle's eyes nearly popped out of his head when he turned over to see Beckett writing notes in her advance copy of Deadly Heart.
"Kate, I have editors for that. "
"I'm not editing." Much.
"Then why are you besmirching my work?"
She sniggered.
"Besmirching? It's not the final published work and you said I could keep it. Don't get your panties in a twist."
"I'm not... getting my panties in a twist. You know I wear boxers."
Becket chuckled, marking her place and putting it on the dressing table before leaning over to nuzzle his neck, stroking his hair.
"I've been doing it with all your books. I make little notes to myself; you know, favourite quotes, observations; it's no big deal."
"Is it just my books you do this with?"
"Not exclusively; I used to do it a lot in high-school and a bit in college but since then... well, pretty much, yeah."
"So, what kind of observations do you make?"
She smiled coyly.
"Oh, you know, procedural errors - "
"That's editing!"
"Just making note of them. Also, just... personal opinions, interpretations of text."
"Can I see what you've written here?"
She surveyed him for a while.
"Ok," she said eventually, handing him the book.
He smiled at her in gratitude that she was allowing him to see this.
He flicked through; pausing at the pages she'd scrawled little notes in the margins.
He smiled knowingly.
"I thought you'd like that.'
"What?" she asked, reading over his shoulder. "Oh," she chuckled. "Yeah, that was funny."
He grinned proudly as he continued to flick through, marvelling at the time and care she'd put into analysing his words...
Until he came across something that bothered him.
"Hey! That line's not sexist!"
Beckett tittered.
"Which part are you referring to?"
"There's more than one?"
"I'm sorry, Castle, I know you're very loving and respectful of the women in your life, and you've written some very strong female characters, but still, your books aren't exactly a feminist's dream -and that's ok; they're not supposed to be. It's just... some of it's pretty funny."
"I do respect women," he said, sorely.
"I know," she said softly as she kissed his shoulder.
After graduating Stanford, Beckett had briefly moved back home while in the academy. When she had eventually found a place of her own, she took only the essentials with her; leaving a lot of her belongings in her old room. She'd always meant to pick up the rest of her stuff eventually, but had never gotten around to it. Now, her Dad had decided to knock out the wall in her old room to make a bigger study.
Beckett wasn't resentful. It had been over a decade since she'd lived there and she was happy for her father finally being made an equity partner after years of loyal service to his firm. The new position would require doing a lot of paperwork, and as the commute to work was quite long, he didn't want to be pulling all-nighters at the office, so he'd decided he'd needed more room to work at home. It hadn't been an easy decision - there were many sentimental memories attached to his daughter's room - but he had made it with her full support, and given her plenty of notice.
Castle came with her to help pack up the stuff she wanted and throw or give away the things she didn't.
While Beckett was out of the room looking for more boxes, Castle found something that made him have to quickly bring his hand to his mouth to stifle a squeak of glee: There was an entire level on her bookshelf completely dedicated to his early works.
His hands paused in mid-air. Should he be doing this?
Oh, come on. This was him. Beckett knew how nosey he was when she got involved with him romantically. She should have known better than to invite him into her childhood bedroom and expect him not to snoop.
Quickly checking the door, he picked up In a Hail of Bullets. He noted it was a first edition and began flicking through, delighted to find her notes scattered through the pages.
McAllister senses there's more to the case than meets the eye, he read. He keeps pushing. Thinks outside of the box.
He put the book back and started looking through A Rose for Ever After.
There's something almost beautiful, almost romantic, about the way he kills. Or maybe it's just the way it's written. Castle skipped to the sex scene, wondering what a teenage Beckett thought of it. So freaking hot.
He grinned. But also... I can feel it; the way the leads feel about it and how their faith makes it taboo; like it's them against the world. Forbidden love.
He had never read any review or critique that had understood quite where he was coming form. Sister Mary Grace's affair with her young lover mirrored his relationship with Kyra in many ways. He always felt as if she was too high above him; and her mother was like the church; telling them their love was wrong...
Hoping to have enough time to get through as many books as possible, he quickly moved on to One Bullet, One Heart.
Ok, so, she's attracted to him, and it totally looks like he did it. So obviously, he's completely innocent. And they're probably going to hook up.
He grinned as he got to the passage where Norma and Jason made love. Yep, knew it. Geez, I know he's innocent but she doesn't. This makes the character seem weak and stupid. But still pretty hot.
He was mollified when the real killer was revealed to find she was surprised.
Wow, didn't see that coming.
He paused when he came upon Flowers for Your Grave. The book that started it all. If she hadn't recognised that scene from this book... they probably wouldn't have met. And all this... the last four years, the friendship, banter, lust, passion, heart break, joy, laughs, tears, coffee... wouldn't have happened. A world in which Beckett wasn't in his life.
He couldn't picture it. Just thinking about it felt wrong.
Another character that pursues the evidence the police ignores, she had written. I like that. He skipped When it Comes to Slaughter and Death of a Prom Queen, knowing she'd be returning soon.
He looked through her copy of Hell Hath no Fury.
Enraged wiccans on a murderous rampage? Seriously? Come on, we both know you can do better. Castle smiled, shaking his head.
That's when he came to A Skull in Springtime.
A young woman dealing with the death of a parent by solving other people's murders, she had noted. Then, later on, I love how strong Rachel is.
She seemed to really appreciate the scene where Rachel confronts the killer. The margin was filled with notes on that page.
So good, so fitting for her character. Exactly what he deserves. Castle can be such a good writer when he wants to be. This is why I love him so much.
Castle's breathing faulted. She had written this long ago; years before she'd met him. She'd meant she loved him as an author, not as a man...
But to see it written down this way, knowing how much he had affected her... affected him.
#76
Pro: He is my favourite Author - Con: I'm not interested in a one-night stand; and that's all it would be
Pro: He's a good and loving father - Con: He's a sleaze-bag
Pro: He's smart - Con: He's an idiot
Pro: He notices things about me noone else bothers to see - Con: He's intrusive and nosey
Pro: His Coffee Machine is awesome - Con: He enlisted outside help without authorisation
Pro: He's good at thinking on his feet and improvising - Con: He's reckless
Pro: He's not a terrible dancer - Con: They call him the white whale. Ew.
Pro: He was nice enough to let me win - Con: He's so patronising he let me win
Pro: He knows how I like my Coffee - Con: He's immature
Pro: He called me extraordinary - Con: He investigated my mother's case behind my back
Pro: He looks ok in brown - Con: He broke my trust
Pro: The way he looks at me with those intense blue eyes like he can see into my soul- Con: He is self-centred
Pro: His stubble - Con: He's writing a stupid book about me without my permission
Pro: He apologised - Con: I'm scared
Pro: He meant it - Con: He places bets on murder investigations
Pro: I'm not ready for him to leave yet - Con: He wrote a sex scene between characters based on us
Pro: We make a great team - Con: I don't want that to end. Dating him would mean no longer letting him shadow me
Pro: He's sweet when he wants to be - Con: He's too trusting
Pro: That sex scene was pretty hot - Con: Maybe he's still hung up on his ex-girlfriend
Pro: He seems to know the boundaries now and is starting to respect them - Con: He kissed an engaged woman
Pro: He's willing to see the good in people - Con: He's always messing with my chair
Pro: He raised Alexis - Con: I chose his life over my mother's case. I think I'm starting to care about him too much.
Pro: He's not just doing this out of the fun of it any more. He really cares - Con: Our partnership must not mean so much to him with all the time he's been spending building theory with Jordan Shaw
Pro: He's Capable of having a real relationship with a three-dimensional equal - Con: He is an ass
Pro: The lengths he was willing to go to to help me solve my mother's case - Con: He's obviously not interested in a relationship with me if he's still sleeping with bimbo actresses
Pro: He makes me look forward to coming into work because having him around makes things a little more fun - Con: I can't risk my heart with him when he's thrown out too many warning signs for me to not think he'll eventually let me down.
Pro: Sometimes, as much as I'd rather ignore it, I can't stop myself thinking that we fit. - Con: He broke my heart
Pro: I love messing with him - Con: He will never change
Pro: He's grown up a lot - Con: I was humiliated
Pro: He let me stay at his place - Con: He hooks up with his exes
Pro: While he can often be annoyingly childish, that child-like quality also brings out a kind of sweet innocence which is actually kind of nice -Con: He's clumsy
Pro: He has a nice ass - Con: He's disrespectful
Pro: I've never gotten a rush like I do when I'm building theory with him - Con: He has stupid hair
Pro: I think I'm hurting him. and that means he might care enough that maybe I might be enough for him - Con: He didn't call.
Pro: I can't lose him - Con: Our partnership obviously don't mean to him what it did to me. Al he cared about was getting in my pants; and now he's given up and wants nothing to do with me.
Pro: No, he loves me. - Con: It's not enough
Pro: He believes in real-life love stories - Con: That's a fairytale
Pro: His imagination and faith in the unexplainable is adorable - Con: It's also stupid
Pro: He didn't sleep with Natalie - Con: I have a boyfriend
Pro: He called me his partner - Con: I have a boyfriend
Pro: He stood behind me 100% - Con: I have a boyfriend
Pro: When he kissed me everything else melted away and it was incredible. - Con: I have a boyfriend
Pro: His loyalty - Con: He trusted Damien over me
Pro: His determination to get to the truth (even when the truth is painful) - Con: I have a boyfriend
Pro: He's here - Con: Josh is staying and I owe it to him to make it work
Pro: He went to all of that trouble of getting that poster signed for me - Con: I have a boyfriend
Pro: I'm in love with him - Con: How badly he could hurt me
"Castle!"
He jumped, looking up from the computer to see Beckett with her arms folded, glaring at him. He wasn't sure if he was imagining it but it looked like she was trying not to smile.
"Uh..." he stammered, rising to his feet. 'It's exactly what it looks like."
"Castle, when your laptop died, I said you could borrow my computer, not read my stuff!"
"Yeah, well I was saving something to my USB... then I figured I should back it up on your hard-drive just in case and I saw my name and I just... couldn't resist.
It hadn't been his imagination. She smiled warmly at him.
"It's ok," she said, putting her arms around him. "That list was just this silly way to try to rationalise my feelings for you."
"Your feelings for me?"
"Ok, I'll admit I found you attractive in the beginning- but it wasn't until later that I developed real feelings for you and I was trying to find a logical solution but... relationships aren't a mathematical equation."
"Well, I think I liked your solution: showing up at my place and jumping my bones."
"Mmm, I liked that one too," she said against his lips as she pulled him on for a soft, warm kiss, leading him towards the bed as they broke off.
"So," she said as she pushed him backwards, straddling him, "what were you up to? I've got the list committed to memory if you wanna hear the rest."
"I... believe I was up to 'Pro: He went to all that trouble to get that poster signed for me'."
Beckett, paused, staring at him.
"You're lying."
"Yeah, I am," he admitted.
"Con," she said, unbuttoning his shirt, "I have a boyfriend."
"You used that one a lot," he said slipping his arms out of the sleeves.
"It was all I had to cling to at several points," she said, pressing her hands firmly against his bare chest o get him to lay back down. She made sure to maintain eye-contact as she worked on his belt.
"Pro..." she paused briefly. "I'm in love with him."
Castle opened his mouth, inhaling, preparing to say something but... no words came out.
"Con," she continued, resuming her actions so that his belt was soon on the floor, "how badly he could hurt me." She un-did his button and slipped down his fly. "Pro," she said, slipping his pants down his legs as he kicked off his shoes and socks, "this partnership is as sacred to him as it is to me." They shared a meaningful look as she slipped off his boxers. "Con: It's too sacred and too important for me to mess it up," she said. "Pro: He's there for me."
Castle opened his mouth again -
"Don't say always, Castle. If you say it too much the word won't mean as much. Con: I can't cheat on Josh. Pro: He thinks I'm strong."
"You are", he said, pulling her down to him.
"Con: I'm not ready," she breathed against his neck as he started to un-button her blouse.
"Pro: He thinks I have a big heart."
"You do," he said, disposing of her shirt and burying his face in her cleavage, paying special attention to her scar.
"Con," she gasped, arching her back, "I have a boyfriend."
Castle removed her bra with skilled fingers.
"Pro: I want him so badly it hurts."
He kissed her lips passionately.
"Con: I have a boyfriend."
He flipped them, kissing his way down her chest as she flipped her head back.
"Pro: Even Royce could see it."
Castle paused, giving her a questioning look.
"That's a long story. I'll tell you later."
He nodded, resuming his lips' caressing of her skin.
"Con: Royce wasn't the all-knowing hero I thought he was."
"Just how long is this list?"
"Oh, I'm not even halfway done yet."
"Well maybe we should pick it up later and concentrate on more - "
She grabbed his crotch.
He hissed in pleasure, "Pressing matters until then."
She grinned, flipping him so she was the one on top again.
"Fine with me."