(TESSA)

I went out wandering today, I went for a walk in the park and then I went to stand on the bridge that Jem used to call his favorite place in the world. I was just standing there staring out at the river when suddenly I feel the presence of someone beside me, and I turn to see Will leaning against the rail beside me. Somehow he had snuck on me but it does not surprise me, since he always seems to be able to get around without making any sound. I believe that it is a Shadowhunter thing.

"So, Tess what are you doing out on a gloomy day like this?" He was right today the sky was covered with gray looking clouds, not the prettiest sky anyone had ever seen.

"I could ask you the same question."

"Well I was out looking for something to do & I happened to see a pretty young maiden standing all by herself in the middle of this bridge, and I felt it was my duty as a gentleman to come and say hello," and he gave me one of those smiles that makes my heart melt. Even though I am engaged to Jem, Will still has that effect on me.

"Well, how nice of you, thank you," I say conscious of my cheeks starting to turn a deep red. How gorgeous Will is standing there leaning gracefully against the railing. Why oh why did he have to be so handsome, and lately he has been acting so much nicer. I really am starting to wonder what happened to the old Will, the snarky, arrogant, and sometimes cruel boy that I met in the Dark Sisters' house so long ago? Something has changed in him, and I feel that it does not help my current situation. " So where is Cecily?"

"Back at the Institute with Charlotte, she was helping with some work that need to be done to help prepare for her baby. I think Charlotte is getting kind of lonely without Henry around. So Tess, do you want to take a walk with me?"

"Sure"

So we go for a walk down the streets of London, and all the while I catch Will staring at me with those stunningly blue eyes, when he thinks I am looking at a store window, or someone interesting I happen to see passing by. Now, it is so easy to be with Will. I know I am engaged to Jem, but if I cannot stop thinking about Will so much, am I really being fair to Jem? If I could possibly be in love with Will still, am I doing the right thing by staying with Jem. I mean yes I love Jem, but sometimes I wonder if I love him the way he thinks I do. Sometimes I get the feeling that the love I have for Jem is more a brotherly love than fallen in love, but to tell him how I feel would break him. He is already so fragile, he does not need more pain from me.

We reach a less busy and less travelled part of town, suddenly Will stops and turns to face me. "Tess, there is something I have to tell you. I know that you are engaged to Jem, and that you probably still hate me for all the things I have done to you. I have been acting like I am okay with you being with Jem because I want him to be happy, and I want you to be happy, but I have been waiting for the chance to tell you that I believe I would be unfair if i didn't tell you that I still love you Tess. I cannot stop thinking about you. I just needed a chance to tell you how beautiful I think you are Tess. I know I was mean and awful and cruel to you, but it was because I cared for you, and sometimes I just couldn't help it, when I was around you. It was just too much, and you brought my wall down. I am so sorry for what I did, but you know now why I had to do it, but I hated every minute of it, and I wish I could go back and take every word of it back, but I can't. I was too late and I am so sorry about that..." he is looking at me so tenderly is long beautiful lashes framing his piercing blue eyes.

"Will I...I don't hate you. I never hated you. At times I was deeply hurt and very upset by you, but I never hated you. I always believed there was good in you. I just wondered why you never let anyone see it."

"Really? You don't hate me?" I shake my head. A look of relief washes over him. His face lights up, and the most enchanting smile spreads across his face. It looked like a great burden had been lifted off his shoulders and he could finally start breathing again. "Oh that is such a relief. I thought you would hate my guts after all those mean things I said to you." Will had gotten a wild look in his eye.

"Will I might not hate you, but I'm with Jem, I'm with Jem. I..." and suddenly I couldn't speak anymore because he scoops me up, and pulls me into his arms, and suddenly once again I find myself kissing Will Herondale. His lips are soft and gentle against my mouth, and then the kiss starts to become deeper and he starts to hold me tighter and tighter until there are no spaces left between us, and my hands come up and become tangled in his soft dark hair. I feel all my bones turn to mush as I melt into him. I feel light and free as he holds me in his arms. I just wish we could stay like this forever and that this moment would never end. Then suddenly he pulls away, at first I am disappointed, and confused as a brief sense of rejection comes over me. Why is he pulling away. Then I start blushing, as I realize how unproper our behavior is, and how unladylike I have been acting. Then I can feel my blush getting deeper as I finally remember Jem. I immediately feel a deep sense of guilt, and embarrassment. Oh no I had forgotten about Jem. Then I get angry.

"Why did you do that William Herondale. You know I am engaged to Jem. What am I supposed to tell him now?"

"Maybe you should tell him the truth!" he quickly retorts back at a volume that is close to yelling, but then he calms down, and in a much more sensible voice, "I am sorry, that was out of line. I was just so happy that you didn't hate me, and for the first time in weeks I felt a tiny spark of hope." Now it is his turn to start blushing.

I quickly calm down to, no matter how hard I try I cannot stay mad and this gorgeous boy standing in front of me. "What are we going to do Will? We can't keep going on like this."

"I know, I know...you know I wish that there was someway we could be together. I love you Tessa, but the question is do you love me back Tess?"

I did't know what to say. I wanted to tell yes. Yes I love you Will, but that would be cruel because we cannot be together, plus I am with Jem, and I owe it to Jem to be faithful to him.

He grabs me hands and forces me to look up into his face, and his deep blue eyes are staring back into mine. "Tess, answer me. Whatever your answer I can deal with it I just need to know the truth."

I what to know the truth too Will think I love you, no i know I love you, but... Finally I decide that he deserves the truth however painfully it might be for both of us, bit I feel like I would be doing him a disservice if i didn't tell him. "Yes, Will I believe I do love you, but I am engaged to Jem, Will. Is that what you wanted to hear that even though I think I love you both, but I am engaged to him so we can never be together."

"Yes, I think I do. I just needed to know the truth." His gaze dropped dejectedly to the ground and you could hear the sad truthfulness of his words.

We stand like that in silence for I don't know how long. Finally Will breaks the silence, "It is getting late. We really should start heading back to the Institute."

"Will, I...I am so sorry" I can't really think of anything to say.

"Its ok, just can we not mention this to Jem. I don't want to cause him, any pain."

"Of course, Will, anything, I don't want to hurt him either." And so we silently walk back to the institute together.

When we arrive back at the Institute. We find Charlotte and Cecily had just sat down to dinner. We sit down, and act like nothing has happened. We laugh at all the right times, and make small talk with Charlotte and Cecily.

Over the next few weeks we go on pretending like everything was normal, and we did eventually settle back down, but there is always those awkward moments when we chance to meet each other in the hall, and we don't really know what to say to each other. Will seems to be in a little bit happier mood, even though things are awkward, it doesn't seem to be able to take the new perk out of his step. Every once in a while I will still catch him looking at me. It seems like he has this kind of hope. Though what exactly he is hoping for I'm not exactly sure.