I'm not a Sam or Andy hater. So please don't interpret my writing as me taking sides. It's not my purpose to make one of them look bad. If I do it's completely unintentional. I look forward to Season 4 and I do plan on watching even if it's not going the way I would like. Thanks for reading.

Andy

I slept most of the next day and then went grocery shopping. My place smelled, especially since I forgot to take out the trash that night I left six months ago. I opened all the windows to air out the place, cleaned up the entire place and did laundry.

By the time I got my place in order it was already evening. I told everyone I would be at the Penny tonight so I went in my closet to pick out an outfit. It felt good to be back in my regular clothes and I wanted to look extra nice tonight.

I wanted to wear a celebration outfit. These past few months have been tough and I've accomplished something I should be proud of. I want to be a really good cop and not live in the shadows of my dad's mistakes. I got to prove how good of a cop I am through the taskforce. What Nick and I did was huge, we helped shut down a major operation.

As usual I was running late, finding the perfect outfit always takes forever.

The Penny was packed by the time I got there. I saw Gail and Nick at the bar talking, it looked like they might be working things out. At least for now there's no punching involved which always is a good sign. I headed over to the table where Traci and Dov sat. I asked where Chris was and they said he wanted to go home to spend some time with his son.

I can't believe Chris is a dad, so crazy. It felt odd being back and it seemed like so many things were so different. I see Oliver come with Sam and the new officer Cruz sitting at their usual spots. Oliver left pretty quick and when I asked why Traci said he's been trying to make things right with his wife. They're getting counseling, so he likes to be home everything night to have dinner with his family.

I thought good for Oliver and Zoe, I'm happy that they get another chance at making their marriage work.

Gail and Nick must've definitely talked things through because they were seriously making out. Nick soon pulled Gail out the door and we all looked at each other knowing where those two were headed. Well good for them, Nick has been missing Gail these past six months, I mean all he did was talk about her. He was worried she wouldn't forgive him. Well she must've from the make out session we just witnessed.

Dov headed to the bar to order another round and of course he found some girl to flirt with. Traci and I got so busy talking, that an hour later we realized Dov never came back with our drinks. We looked all around for him and couldn't find him anywhere. Maybe the guy left but that's pretty messed up him to forget about our drinks and not even say bye.

Sam was still sitting at the bar nursing his drink and it seemed that Cruz lady had left already left. I didn't know if I should get up and go talk to him.

Traci decided to head home to her little boy, so I said bye and that we'll hang sometime in the coming week. I figured this would be the perfect chance to have a talk with Sam.

As I started to get up and head to the bar, Sam got up and headed out the door. I quickly followed hoping to catch him before he left. I didn't know what to say to him but we needed to discuss some of the things he said to me that night six months ago.

I caught up with him as he was getting into his truck.

"Hey Sam wait up"

He stopped in the process of opening the door and just looked at me. He didn't look too happy to see me.

"What's up McNally? You need a ride?"

"Yeah sure that'd be nice."

I got into his truck and we drove out of the Penny in awkward silence. I asked how he was doing, he said fine. But he made no effort to talk. This was going to be difficult.

Soon Sam was pulling up in front of my place.

"Sam we need to talk"

"What do we need to talk about McNally?"

"Look I know I left that night without a word and I think we need to clear the air"

"McNally you made things perfectly clear. You left without a word and I get that's your way of saying its over. You walked away from us again."

"Sam…You broke my heart"

"And you got me back. I told you I loved you and you left without a word. I've never even told another woman I loved her. So I guess we're even now."

"You made it sound like you were joking around. You hurt me pretty bad, you couldn't just expect me forgive you without a thought. And this isn't about keeping score Sam!"

"I know that McNally. But admit you left without a word just to be spiteful. You had no intention of giving me a second chance but you let me think that. I waited at the Penny for 3 hours and then only to find out the next day you left for Callaghan's taskforce. Look this discussion is getting out of hand, saying things that will just end up hurting, there's no point in rehashing this McNally. I get it, I hurt you and I'm really really sorry for that. I can't take back anything I've done. I truly don't deserve your forgiveness. I get it. I'm not mad at you, nor do I hate you. We're not good for each other. I've learned that the hard way."

"So now it's all my fault for leaving. You broke up with me Sam. You left me in the rain crying. Did you mean anything you said to me that night? Or was it some pathetic effort to make amends?"

"No..no…that's not what I meant and at the time I meant every word I said to you Andy! But you made your point clear. And a guy can only wait around for so long."

"I never expected you to wait around. I mean for all I know you've moved on and gotten married. I knew what I was doing when I left for the task force. Yes I needed to get away from you and the last six months given me some perspective. I like to think I've grown up a little bit and moved past the hurt. I guess I can say I no longer hate you."

"Same here, in the past six months, I've made a lot of changes. I couldn't go on the way I was. Speaking of moving on, there's something I really need to tell you something."

"What is it?"

"Before you hear this from anyone else, I need to let you know I've moved on, I met someone last month."

My ears were roaring and all I could hear was Sam saying he moved on, that he met someone. I felt numb and frozen. I knew Sam would be mad for running off but I never expected him to have found someone else. I had been joking about him getting married.

Deep down I wasn't even sure we'd ever get back together or that I could be in the same room with him without feeling resentment. I hadn't expected Sam to sit around for six months, moping and waiting for me. Sam's not that kind of guy; he's got too much pride to do that. But this was unexpected.

I opened the door with seeing clearly and just ran out. I could hear Sam calling out to me. But I ignore all this and run up to my place. I close the door and lean on it and I finally let the tears fall. I could hear my phone ringing and its Sam calling. I brush my tears away and take a deep calming breath. I can't let Sam know how much his news has devastated me. I need to pick up and act like I'm perfectly fine. I shouldn't have run out of his truck like that, I should have stayed calm. But he just caught me off guard.

I hit answer and manage to say hello without sounding to wobbly.

"Andy…look I'm really sorry…I didn't mean to blurt that out. I just needed to let you know that I'm sorry and that I don't want you to feel like I'm holding you back. All I manage to do is mess things up with you."

"No Sam its ok. You just caught me off guard and with the UC bust and everything; it was just too much to take in at once. I'm happy for you."

"Look McNally outside of work I won't bother you anymore. I get it, I messed up and there's no way in hell you'll forgive me. Maybe we are too different."

"Yeah maybe we are. Well I'm tired and would like to get some sleep. Good night Sam."

"Bye McNally and I'll see you around work and I promise I'll keep it professional."

I hang up and just sit down in front of the door. I feel drained. I had dreaded returning home but deep down I was happy to finally be back. But now it felt like my world got flipped upside down again.

I don't know what to do. I think of calling Traci but I know she's probably asleep. Nick and Gail are probably busy getting it on. There's no one I can talk to right now. Maybe that's a good thing. I only have myself to rely on.

I take a deep cleansing breath and head to my room to change out of my clothes. My celebration clothes now seem dreary. I get ready for bed and turn out all the lights.

Sam broke up with me almost 9 months ago; I shouldn't be feeling this sense of loss. I mean I've had enough time to deal with it all. It feels like a break up all over again. When I left that night six months ago, all I wanted to do was get away from Sam. And he was right; in the back of my mind I left without a word to be spiteful. I wanted him to feel the pain that he caused me to feel. I wanted him to sit around waiting for me, wondering if I'll give him another chance. He deserved it for breaking my heart.

I wonder who the new woman in his life is, what she looks like, and if Sam is happy with her.

He looked different, like he lost weight but in a good way. He looked healthier and even a little more relaxed.

I don't hate Sam for having moved on; I mean it has been a while since we broke up. I should have expected that things wouldn't be the same that I couldn't pick up where I left off that night six months ago.

I spent the rest of the night tossing and turning, I have dreams of Sam running from me and I keep trying to catch him but he's elusive as ever.

It's not fair, I leave for six months and so much has changed.

Life never goes the way you expect. Too much changes too quickly.